Llandudno Advertiser and List of Visitors

AMERICAN HUMOUR. -+-- THE robbin has a red breast. They have a. plaintifl lOng, and sing as though they were sorry for sum- thing. They get there name from their great ability for robbin a cheery tree. They kan also rob a currant bush fust rate. If it was not for these robbers we shud all be eaten up by catterpillars but I think the robins might let us have now and then just one of our own cherriz tew see how they did taste. The bat. They fly very much unsartin and ackt as though they had taken a leetle too much gin. What they are good for I kan't tell and I don't believe they can tell neither. —Josh Billings. "So you think your meter doesn't register pro- perly ?" "I am sure it does not, sir." Well, we are so busy now we can't attend to it. We will send up a man about the middle of next month." I wish you would. I am sure it does not register more than half the gas I bum." Eh! Just wait a minute. send a man right up with you now to test it." IT is said that whiskey hardens the brain. If this is true, there might be some excuse for a dude's drinking, but this of course only holds in case he has a brain. flounder around so," said the crabbed mackerel. "Shut up, or I'll whale you," said the other. "Will you do it a porpoise?" asked the mackerel. "Not a shad-dow of a doubt of it," replied the other. I beg you to be clam, gentlemen," entreated a lobster. Or 'eel get in hot water," cried a sheepshead on his mussel. A POETESS in an exchange asks: Why dost thou waken me?" IVrhaps breakfast has been waiting an hour and a half, and her mother wants her to get up to help wash the dishes and make the beds.— Korrintown Herald. "You are biased in your opinion," said Mr. Some- body to his wife. If your ideas were so, they would fit better with other people's," was the reply. The trouble is with you that your opinions are cut too full and not gathered as they ought to be." THE grasshopper has proportionately one hundred and twenty times the kicking power of a man. Blinks, who is not a favourite with theJathertof his best girl, IaVS that h will never cease be thinkful that the old man isfnot a grasshopper < As instances of t xtrav ances of iarly American humour, Lever mp s man whi was so ^wift that in running rou d ee he cauaht sight of his own back. not her Vas JtvigorouI that he never sneezed but nalthrewV s nl It., A third was so thin that it tookSiro pays of oyeMK?',see him. GAiLfHjbe \ash young man Puts othtte skates, Saying:" ink I can Astonish th tates." Then he strikes wildly out— Faster and faster; And with a bump and shout Yells for court-plaster. —Norristown Herald. GEX. WASHINGTON" was inaugurated in a suit of homespun clothes, and he was the only president thus apparelled. But then, of course, no other president could ever get even that near to being like Washington. BABBETT IUYIXK was recently examined at Galves- ton, for a license to practice law. In order to con- stitute a last will what is essential?" asked the lawyer who wits questioning the applicant. "Acorpseand some property is all that is necessary," was the reply. HENUIETTA.dear ? Yes,ma," from the daughter at the door parting from her sweetheart, who is just kissing her goodnight. Tell George to look out for the paint." George does not kiss again. Henrietta tliinks it is real mean of her mother to give her away, until shp rnnpmbers that the front gate has just beeu newly painted. IF you had a grown-up daughter, as I have, Mrs. Dobbs, you would see the advantage of lamps over gas." Dear me! What difference would that make ?" You know-a kerosene lamp can't be turned down real low without smoking." Yes." Well, when I smell smoke I know it's time to saunter into the parlour." MRS. BALLARD MCCLAPP, of Dallas, is one of the greatest scandal mongers in Texas. Not long since shecalledon a neighbour, Mrs. Oakly Morris, and said— "Do you know what the scandal mongers say about, the new minister ?" No, I do not, but I expect to hear it before you leave the house," was the reply; but she didn't, for Mrs. Ballard McClapp left the house without saying another word. CONVERSATION heard on a horse-car. Young woman to more mature companion of the same sex: Yes, my husband speaks live languages. I wish I knew them too." More mature companion My dear, when you have been married a little longer, you will find one language amply sufficient. If you can only make your husband understand what you mean in that, you will have quite enough to do." Young woman becomes thoughtful. AT the ball recently given at the gubernatorial mansion, Colonel Yerger, whose domestic relations are not the happiest in the world, as he is sueing for a divorce, remarked to Gus De Smith: That frisky member of the legislature who is flirting with the women so much must be a bachelor. I am sure he never was married." What makes you think so?" asked Gus. lie flirts mostly with married women. That shows he never has had any experience with one of them, responded Yerger, with a deep sigh. GILHOOLY, accompanied by several strangers from the North, went out on Onion Creek for a day's hunt- ing. The party did not have any grmt amount of luck, having only succeeded in bagging a few doves and (luail, und one squirrel. Late in the afternoon they came to the thick bottom of Onion Creek. As the strangers were rather tired they did not care to tramp through the brush, so Gilhooly made a propo- sition to them Now, gentlemen, I'll go into the woods for three or four hundred yards. You stay here, and rest yourselves, and listen. If I want you to come to me, or it is time to go home I'll fire off the right hand barrel of my gun. If I see signs of quail or doves I'll fire off the other barrel. If I see plenty of game I'll fire both barrels at once. Now on the other hand if 1 don't want you to come on, or it is time to go home, I'll let you know by not firing off the right hand barrel of my gun. If I don't see much game I'll not fire off the second barrel, and if I don't see any game I'll not fire off both barrels at once, as a signal to let you know it. So you keep your ears open until I come back."—Texas Sifti>if/.s. A LADY entered a draper's store and asked for a pair of stockings. The shopman politely asked her what number she wore. Why, two, yer fool! D'ye think I'm a centipede or wear a wooden leg?" A LITTLE CAI.U OKNIA BEE STORY.—" Talking about bees," remarked a passenger from the West, peopl in this country don't know what bees is. I mean they don't know what a big swarm is. Now, out in California, at the foot of the mountains, I've seen swarms that were worth The air was full of 'Bout sundown, when they come from the fields to their trees in the mountains, it gets dark as sudden as if the lights should go out in this here car. One time my pard, Dave Johnston-poor Dave—an' me "Qnd there was a hundred bar'l or two of honey in a whoop- ing big fur tree. We made up our minds to hev it. So we fixed ourselves up for a fight. We made suits out of gunny sacks that covered our faces and hands. There wasn't any place left they could sting us, and we wore heavy gloves, tied down tight at the wrists. We were to take turns chopping at the tree. Dave tackled it first. I stood hack and watched him. The first blow he (truck didn't rile up much, for only about two mil- lion came out and went for him. The second blow brought out a few million more. The third blow didn't sound very loud, and I saw him raise the axe for the fourth. But it never struck. The air be- tween the axe and the tree was so full of bees that he couldn't move the axe. Then I lost sight of him entirely. I never saw him again." Why ? Did the bees sting him to death? Xo, they couldn't sting him, but they formed a solid wall around him ten feet thick and smothered him to death. Why, I couldn't have got away myself if most of the bees hadn't been down on the plains at work.Clticago Herold. AH you flatter me," lisped a dude to a pretty girl with whom he was conversing. "No I don't," was the reply. You couldn't be any flatter than you are." THE man who was going to be hung was rather para- doxical when he told the sheriff that he desired the job done quickly, as he did not want to be kept in suspense. ■ A GREAT many people sleep between these walls," Aid the guide showing the visitor through the ancient English church where the noble families were interred. Same way over in our country," replied the visitor why don t they get a better preacher ?"

THE REIGN OF PROGRESS. ':1' 1 S 9 7. -°f: SPRING AND SUMMER. SPECIAL NOTICE 1 MBRTBNS GREAT BOOTPROVIDERS, IJIA Have now every DEPARTMENT fully stocked with All kinds of Boots, Shoes, and Slippers, To Fit Everybody and Suit Every Class. Immense Assortment of Tennis Shoes, Tan Shoes, White Canvas and Buckskin Shoes, Cycling Shoes, and every description of Glaze and Kid Boots, at the most REASONABLE PRICES. Agents for the Celebrated Swiss Make of Boots and Shoes. Agents for the Famous "J" Make of Boots. Agents for Dr. Jaeger's Health Boots. Agents for the Noted "Gripwell" Cycling Shoes. -J —— i f All kinds of Boots Made to Measure. REPAIRING A SPECIALITY. (Anybody's and Everybody's Boots Repaired.) :a. Morton's Customers have the Pick of the World's Markets. 't 78, MOSTYN STREET, i LLANDUDNO. '¡< BETTWS-Y-COED. WATERLOO HOTEL. L B. MACULLOCH. CAMBRIAN CELEBRATED mm MINERAL WATERS, BUTHIN. MANUFACTURED BY THI I' RUTHIN SODA WATER COMPANY, LIMITED. UNSOLICITED TESTIMONIAL. By Dr. C. B. FRAHCIS, lake PriMil of the Medical College in strangtr to the Csmpuiy. See The Indian Magaxint, September, 188S, On the W mode of preserrin^r health m India, page 487 Among the BEST SOSJL W&TSE SOU) »that supplied by the RisUim Soia Watsr Company— the Water being obtained from aD Artesian Spring in the Tale el Chr7c1. XortA Wales. Ask for the CAMBRIAN WATERS." SODA WATER. LITHIA WATER. LEMONADE. GINGER BEER. SELTZER WATER. AERATED WATER. GINGER ALE. DO. BREWED. POTASS WATER. QUININE TONIC. ZOLAKONE. LIME JUICE, &C. U Cambriam Hop Bitters—OWN BREWING BY NEW PROCESS. Goods forwarded free to all Railway Stafi#ns in Great Britain. Price List, Testimonials, and Report of Analysis, post free on application. Address—Manager, Cambrian Works, Ruthin, North Wales. WEST END BOARDING ESTABLISHMENT AND WINTER RESIDENCE, Near General Post Office, I.X.ANDXJDNO. J THOS. JEPHCOTT, Proprietor Bz:x>Do-zix.sxrr ROYAL GOAT HOTEL. THIS First-cJas80Id-p,tabli8h- ed Family House, ac- knewledged to be one of the I' most couúortable in the Kindom, ii beautifully situated by the foot of Snow.Jon. Excellent Coffee, Billiard, Draw- ing and Smoke Rgçnns. CøacheFl daily between Carnar- VOB, Portmadoc, Lla.nberis, Bcttws-y-Coed and the !:totel. Visitors staying ilt the Hotel have te privilege of Sal"1oh a'1dTrout fishing i" Lakes Dinaa, Quollyn, Cader, and Cwyltant, 8:ld 7 miles of te Claslylt River free ,f charge. Luncheons ready on arrival of all Coaches. MODERATE CHARGES MRS. KNIGHT, Proprietress. ATotiirUx Wales. THE GEORGE HOTEL THE most charmingly situated Hotel in North Wales, standing in its own extensive Grounds on the most -L pleasant part of the Banks of the Menai Straits, commanding a splendid view of the Island of Anglesey, also «f the famous Suspension and Tubular Bridges, and within easy distance by carriage, coach, boat or rail sf all the places interesting and attractive to visiters. The combined air of mountain and sea renders the locality a most health restoring resort, and 1118 sheltered situation of the Hotel makes it a desirable Wiater Residence. Liverpool steamers land pnsnengers immediately opponite the Hotel. Omnibus meets trains at Bangor Station. POSTING AND GOOI) STABLIXG. TKNJTIS. BOATING AND FISJIING. .r- BULKELEY ARMS HOTEL, MENAI BRIDCE, ANCLESEY. MRS. S. TIMOTHY (I«te Mr. Henry Humphreys), respectfully informs Families, Tourists and 0ther« honouring the above Hotel with their support and patronage, and they will find every, somfort and a*W tion, accompanied with very moderate charges. J j AI.ES, WINES AJTD SPIRITS of the choicest quality. Horses and Carriages to Hire. Good Stab"— Bus leaves Beaumaris 7-55 ajn. and 2-#0 pjn. io meet train at Bangor for ChesUr. L*av*. foI Baanmans at 12 noon and 4 pjn. oanjjor ioi BARMOUTH. ORIELTON HALL y" (Close to Station) I Exceptionally Hiirli-clns* Bosinlini^ Establishment recently openftd. for the reception of visitors commanding views of the Hstiury anti C irdigi" illY. Hot Baths. Sanitary arrangements perfect. Guff. Fishing. Boating, Bathing. Apply SECRETARY. DAVID ROBERTS, OAR PROPRIETOR. Landaus, Waggonettes, Brakes and Dogcarts for HIRE. Luggage and Furniture Remover. Hay and Straw Merofcaat Address— STATION VIEW COTTAGE. LLANDUDNO. v i

ROYAlj HOTEL, CAPEL CURIG, FIRST-CLASS FAMILY AND POSTING HOUSE Best Views in Wales. Good Fishing on all the Lakes, Free of Charge to Visitors staying at the Hotel. ZI. BOATS MAY HE USED KUEK OF CHAlUiK. Boats kept on the Capel Curig and O'jwcn The Hotel being nearest to the 0given GF1::JXX»JElS jflLHTD POXIZSS To Snowdon, Glydars, Mwel Siabod, and Camedd Llewelvn also Conveyances to Llanberis, Beddgelert, Bangor and Carnarvon All Orders by Post for Private Conreyaiice.-t from the Royal Hotel. Capel. Curig, to BettlCs-y-Coed Station, are punctually attended to. HARRY ROBERTS, Proprietor. ii mOUH Xo. 8. -By Rail to Bettws y-Coed, thence by Coach to J- Capel Curig, ROYA L HOTEL, from the 11-2 a.m., 3-0 p.in. • and 6 p.m allowing time to see the Swallow and Cyfifing r_- Water Falls, returning the same day. B^LRZKCOURRBL. BA.RMOUTM Clow M. THIS old established Family and Commercial Hotel is most pleasantly situated, overlooking the Estuary of the Mawddach, nnd commands extensive views of the far-famed Cader Ranjje. Excellent Bating aqd Boating Nearest Hotel to the Coif LinKs- Head Quarters of the Cycling Touring Club. Every comfort combined with federate Charges. Hotel Porter meets all Trains. Tariff on application to A. T. DUrrIELD. THE SNOWDON SUMMIT HOTEL (CO., 3LTID.) The Highest IIoel in the Kingdom, 3570 feet above the Sea. Situated on the Topmost Peak of the Monarch of Welsh Monntains. and commanding the Grandest Views in every direction. THE SOTEL, which has been recently REBUILT, is now XEWLY FURNISHED throughout, and under entirely New Management. THE COKK«k-KOOM WILI. SKATJFKOM GO TO eO I'KOI-LK. COMFORTABLE BEDS. Suppers, Breakfasts, Luncheons. Tea and Coffee; also Beer, Stout, Spirits and Cigars, SUPPER, BED AND BREAKFAST. 10s. Visitors who desire to see one of the Grandest Sights in the World, should ascend Snowdon in the coolncss of the Evening and stay the Night to witness the Sunrise over the Snowdonian Range. Foxxt-y-paut Sotel, DOLWYDDELAN, N. WALES. Miss JACKSON, Proprietress (late Gresham Hotel, Dublin). Daily Excursion Tickets are now Issued. PENMACHNO AND BETTWS-Y-COED. TOUR, nro. 11. FROM JUNE 4th till the second Saturday in October, Brakes will leave the Railway Station Bettws-y-Coed, at intervals from U a.m. till 6 p.m. on this Tour, for the pretty village of PENMACHNO, calling at the Fairy Glen, C-,nway Glen, Conway Falls, Pandy Mill, Uld Human Bridge, and through the Machno Valley, returning to meet the trains for all parts. The Maehnn River is free for Trout Fishing. Luncheon is ready on the arrival of Coaches ht the Machno Hotel. Fare for the Trip. TWO StilLLINGS each. Tickets may be )it(i at nil the Railway Stations. Passengers holding railway tickets can break their journey at Pemiuehno and return within 3 day. W. HAYDN DAVIES, Proprietor. Belle Vue Hotel, Trefriw. UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT. For particulars apply to the Manageress.

LONDON & NORTH WESTERN RAILWAY. 1 N.B.-Th,e Greatest care is taken in compiling this Table, but tlte Publishers will not be responsible for any inaccuracies that may appear. TIME TABLE FOR OCTOBER, AND UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. ilco TJandiidno JTixxicrtloxa.. (a.m. ia.m. la.m.j a.in.j (a.m.! |a.tn. Ip.m. LLANDFDKO dep 6 2.r> ;8 # |8 10 9 '20 .||1040 11 0 1 HO DEOAKWT !ti 31 a ii? 1*» 9 26| 10tr, in i; ii rw; LLAWDCnyo Jricc iti .s.r> 8 8 8 '20| aoj '.1110 M to |p.m., p.m. iP-m M-ul [ [J.m __j p.in ip.m. p.n.. LLAvnrnxo dep 2 50 3 20 '4 40l rt 2"! 7 t(i! io in ;»Ojl0'20 DEOAKWT „ 2 afi 3 2b j4 46| ,« 2«| :7.4<;j 0 '21! |H 5« l<rjt; Ll.AXDFDWO .True |3 o :t So 4 ."io| 6 '<0' <■ •><>i o *j.v oho.'to TrT ri-—orTLzictioxx to T»"!»intnrtno. Depart >a.vi.i fa.m. !a-ml .am.! |in. |P-m-, p.in.i p.m. LtAWDUDNo JtlVC !<*> 40 j# 40 ;D 4.r> 11 0 1130 U od, 3 121 3 ;>51 DWJAKWT k 44 I* 41 4» 11 4! 1134 jt M ■■■ # 10 3 LLAKOCDVO Jt! 501 I* ftO it 5o| h IK. 1140 ['2 .>: 3 2'2| 4 51 depart p.m P-m.; p.m.. |P-m_- Lt>A!Tt»ur)XO » 10 t> 42 ]>< 10 9 35; 10 5 dwtakwt. ft 14! ;<•> 4<>| j* 14 ;< !>o o Llakdudso •> '20 fi 52 |8 20 ? 45 1Q1.» r, -,qaturdayg excepted. Tr1 awmcm Blasnau Festlniogr. F a.m. a.m. a.m. p.m. p.m. p.m. p.m. Llandudno depart] K 10 ,11 0 2 20 3 20 H 2(» 7 40 Llandudno Junction depart] 4 25 8 35 Ill 40 2 35 4 0 H 55 8 10 Glan Couiray 8 8f» II 44 2 3!' 4 4 « 59 8 14 Talycafn and Kglwyebach 4 30 8 47 [11 52 2 47 4 12 7 7 41 24 Llanrwst and Trefriw 4 55 8 59 12 4 2 58 4 24 7 18 8 41 Bettwg-y-Coed 5 25 1) 8 !12 Mt 3 7)4 33 7 27 8 53 Pont-v-pant 5 40 9 24 |J2 29 3 24 4 50 n 10 Dolwyddelen 5 50 28 12 33 3 2# 4 54 !) 15 Ttoman Bridge 5 57 9 35 112 40 3 34 5 1 Blaenau Festiniog arrivej G 10 9 47 tl'2 52 3 46 5 13 9 33 Blaenaa Festixtlog- anci T«1 R.n cl ndLno. a.m. a.m. noon p.m. p.m. p.m. Blaenau Festiniog depart1 i; 45 It 55 12 15 2 10 (> 30 Roman Bridge •> 57 1(1 7 ,12 27 2 22 !i 42 Dolwyddelen 7 2 10 12 .12 32 2 27 t; 17 Pont-y-paut 7 si 10 18 |12 3s 2 33 f> 53 Bettw'n-y-Coed 7 20 10 30 1(2 ;;() 2 45 7 5 8 35 Llanrwut and Trt-friw 7 .52 -10 42 1 2 2 57 7 17 8 42 Talycafn and Eglwj>-bncti 7 45 :10 54 1 1!) 9 7 29 8 54 10 Talycafn and Eglwj>-bncti 7 45 :10 54 1 1!) 9 7 29 8 54 G lan Con war 7 54 jll 4 1 29 3 19 7 39 !» .-5 I,laadadao Junction arrive 7 59 II 10 i ] 34 "4 i. 7 45 9 N Llaadudno arrive: jt 50 j jll 40 2 420 9 45 F Saturdays only. .0.