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UP AND DOWN THE COAST. """""",----"'-/V",-----.,--""---""",,,,-----"-/'.r---r_-r.r/'-.-,....

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UP AND DOWN THE COAST. "V"r-r_-r.r/' BIRTH. On Thursday last, Mrs. Barmouth, Merionethshire, of some sort of a newspaper. A CASE OF DRUNKENNESS. The following is an imaginary report of a drunken case tried, let us suppose, not far from my bit of a place on the Coast:— Drunk Again.— John Pydredd was charged for the fifth time with being drunk in the streets. The officer who proved the case said that Pydredd's wife lived in a state bordering on destitution, owing to his dissolute habits. His children were left without proper food and clothing, and one of them, the youngest, was lying dead in the house. His Worship, addressing Pydredd, said-" The decision of the Bench is that they are very sorry to see you in your present position. As it is just two days more than a year since you were here before, the magistrates feel inclined to take a lenient view of your case, and you will be fined Is., and costs, and you may think yourself very lucky." The defendant went and sat down with a smile on his face. In about half an hour his wife, having sold something out of the house, came and paid the fine, and her husband went to a drinking shop kept by a magistrate, and took a drain to celebrate his lucky escape A RUMOUR. It is rumoured that a visitor was seen in the neighbour- hood of Aberystwyth last Wednesday, July 11th. [I have been informed that this visitor, having decided to leave the town, was waited upon by an influential deputation of lodging-house keepers, and induced to stay, on condi- tion that he had free quarters, and was not asked to sub. scribe to any funds got up for any purpose whatever.] GOOD NEWS. Towns are to be lighted in future by means of electricity and carbon. This new light is to be cheaper than aver- age-priced gas, which, of course, is sold at less than 5s. per 1,000 feet. The only hope for gas companies is in reduced charges. TREGARON MARKET HALL. This remarkable building," writes John Jones, "is queerer than anything. It isn't finished anywhere. Like a lawsuit, something is always being done to it, and the more is done the more wants doing. A very hand-tome building could have been built for what Tregaron Market Hall has cost." THE MODERN PHARISEE. The modern Pharisee is correct in his deportment and aound in his religious beliefs. He likes a sermon full of creed, and is never slow to entertain the minister or clergy- man who preaches it. His servants are brought into the sitting room every night to family worship. He gives largely at collections, and is known far and wide as a good friend to the cause. He shows no quarter to moral delin- quents. To look at him you might think he led the choir when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy." Ignorance he considers to be the inheritance of the poor, and he looks upon any attempt to lessen it as an iuterference with the will of Providence. Affliction, bereavement, and sorrow seem cruel things when they fall to the lot of the rich, but when they visit the poor are not deemed worthy of notice. It is one of his beliefs that poverty and pain make the poor happy. The gloomier and more miserable a poor cottage is the more satisfied with his lot he thinks poor man should be. QUERY? Suppose you said of a man at Aberystwyth, "he died like a dog,' what would you mean? That he was poisoned, of course. A CONVERSATION. 1st Visitor What shall we do (yawning)? It s awful to (rubs his eyes) be here day after (stretches his arms) day and nothing to do but (yawns again and puts his hands in his pockets) look at the-oh dear me, how sleepy I am-at the what do you call there. (Yawns three or four times and throws himself on a sofa). 2nd Visitor (lying on the hearthrug without coat or waistcoat): I've made up my mind that its no use trying to walk on those grinding pebbles out there. The crunching sound they make is enough to set a mouthful of artificial teeth on edge. I 1st Visitor And (in the middle of a yawn) your ieet, ° 2nd ^Visitor (standing with his back to the fireplace): I do not care so much for my feet as for my wife s. 1st Visitor (with eyes shut and a general appearance of doneupness) You mean they re-act on her tongue. Just so. Mine do. My wife's feet are a great trouble to me. 2nd Visitor (gesticulating wildly): Every stone is as round as a marble and there are millions of them. I have those pebbles at every meal. 1st Visitor (showing signs of interest): Rather hard 1 should think. 2nd Visitor I see the joke, but joking apart it w hard. 1st Visitor On your wife ? 2nd Visitor No, on me. 1st Visitor You don't eat, them. 2nd Visitor Don't be a fool, if you can help it. 1st Visitor I can't do anything I am so sleepy (Yawn for about five minutes, during which 2nd Visitor lies down on the hearth rug again.) 1st Visitor (after a spell of silence broken only by grunts and sighs) My trouble isn't pebbles. 2nd V isitor I wish mine wasn't. 1st Visitor You needn't. Other things can be as bad as pebbles. 2nd Visitor When they crunch ? 1st Visitor Yes. 2nd Visitor The Devil I'm sorry for you. 1st Visitor I brought the girls. 2nd Visitor: Yes. 1st Visitor See those fellows bathing. 2nd Visitor Ah, I see. 1st Visitor Wife says it isn't decent, and wishes we had never come here. 2nd Visitor Does she keep at it. 1st Visitor Always. She starts afresh every morning. 2nd Visitor Lively. 1st Visitor Rather. 2nd Visitor We are great sufferers. 1st Visitor I believe yom. There are worse things than pebbles. 2nd Visitor Smith and his wife are going away. 1st Visitor (wide awake): How is that ? Thought they were going to stay a month. 2nd Visitor: His landlady has let the rest of the house to a woman and her thirteen children. He thinks there are either thirteen or fifteen. 1st Visitor Whew 2nd Visitor They start at five o'clock every morning, and keep going until midnight. 1st Visitor: Poor Smith. 2nd Visitor There are so many of them that every night one or other of them is ill. 1st Visitor: Frightful. 2nd Visitor The only difference between night and day is that in the day time there is more shouting and in the night time more running up and down stairs. 1st Visitor (walking about the room in an agitated state of mind) Worse than pebbles or bathers. Much worse. 2nd Visitor: His wife blames him, and says he smiles at the eldest daughter. 1st Visitor Of course. That is what he might expect. Let us go and condole with him. They went. The Coast. PERRY WINKLE.

SHIPPING.

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