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LOVED BY A LORD. BY J. SKIPP BORLASE, AUTHOR OF police Minister," "For True Love's e» The King of the Conjurors, Who 1 J°hn Cameron p" Nina the Nihilist, &0. CHAPTER XXIII. ELLIE IN HER NEW HOME.—PHANTOM IJECOLLEC-TIONS. A.ud all this wbiie what is oar beautiful, Qe-eyed Nellie doing? ythotirne that she had fully recovered entire use of her reasoning1 faculties, for it M be remembered that she had been in some ^>ree still under mesmeric control during the tW ™arriage ceremony, the carriage had borne her away from the old house n Scott's-yard, Bush-lane, bad drawn up efore a very different looking mansion in the tnt fashionable part of Mayfair. The footman sprang from the box, and »v6 a Sundering kriook at the hall door, uich was immediately opened, permitting a ^ood of rosy light to gleam out into the dark- The flunkey then flung open the carriage door, and Lord Bertie, springing out, assisted is bride to alight, Sir Duncan descending last of all, i shall bid yon good night, here, my °rd, said he. And in parting I again wish you and your fair bride every happiness that earth can afford." II Such at least as I shall permit the enjoy- ment of," he muttered in an undertone to •uself as he walked away. Poor fools, how helpless eaoh will be in my hands if I only pull the wires properly. The love-birds are as much mine in their gilded cage as though I had snared them as other birds are scared on Hampstead Heath or in Greenwich Ha, ha, ha, ha! I can sell them for 4good price, too, whenever I have a mind." And with the amiable resolve of doing so ^henever he could make the moBt profit by "e transaction, Sir Duncan Drawlington fended his way to the gambling club whereof "8 was a member. Meanwhile Lord Bertie lbowed blue-eyed Nellie over her new home. was a small but sumptuously-furnished jiouse—drawing-room, dining-room, and breakfast parlour were all fitted up with equal "Plendour but beauty and fine taste culmi- nated in Nellie's boudoir; a sweet little room Overlooking a perfect bijou of a garden, and Whose entire carpeting and upholstery was *zure blue and rose colour, whilst the furni- tQre was of ebony inlaid with ivory in many quaInt and fanoiful devices. .'This is your own fairy bower, darling," Lord Bertie, after Nellie's blue eyes had tftKen in every detail of the elegant apartment, even to the crystal gasalier with its hundreds little dangling lustres and half-dozen bornera enclosed by globes of pink ground &'as8. "Will my Queen of Beauty be happy 1n this pretty nest?" "Oh, Bertie, happier far than any queen been before me. But let me sit down and try to oollect my thoughts. Can it be true that we have been married ? I really feel as 1 1 was awakening from a dream; oh, the sensation is so strange. I ,ave no distinct memory what has taken place since we parted at the dancing-rooms last Igbt. What have I done all day ? I should have said good-bye to father and mother." All day—what have you done all day ?'' fcughed Lord Belmont. "My wee birdie should ask what has she been doing the whole Week, for seven days and nights have passed away since we last met at the dancing-rooms." Nellie sank into a chair on hearing this, an expression of pain passed over her face. A week exclaimed she. Ob, no, no, n° • don't tell me that, for it is wicked to utter a falsehood, even in jest. It was last night that we parted there, and it-yes, it really seems to me that I have slept ever Jnee, and oh! I have suffered suoh frightful Oreams, such hideous nightmares; you could never imagine anything so terrible." i darling, I'm truly grieved to hear you like this," said Lord Bertie, gazing at her "ondrinly. But it is as true that we Parted seven nights ago as that we were law- ?"y wedded to each other scarcely an hour »inoe.»' 1 a ^ded ? Then we are wedded, Bertie ? «o not remamber quite clearly. I know that ^reamed we were wedded—and, oh, in what a horrible place and the demon was looking -the demon that haunted and tortured me rougbout my nights." And as she concluded, Nellie shuddered and S*8t «uch a terrified glance around that Lord ertie's gaze was fearfuilv frightened in fol- lo7/ng hers. 'Oh, Nellie, darling Nellie he exclaimed 4n inzt' ri-itlatei-, throwing himself on his knees before her and clasping her hand in his; you re in—you are very ill. The excitement has een too much for yon. I will send for a °ctor immediately—at once." v No, I don't think that 1 am ill, responded e'«ie. thoughtfully. Dreaming and night- ^rea are not illness. I feel:cluite well now; I can't quite understand things—that's o You say we have been married, dear 6« &n^ cannot make it out." j> can, though, Nellie," laughed Lord ^Irnojit, though rather uneasily. You are iI'e right enough, and no power ou earth can th uUS' ^0l ^as joined, together in hcrly sacrament of marriage no man dare j- asunder. BehoM, dear, here is the special cence, and here is the marriage certificate- j. '"hat I suppose you would call the' marriage bon!" ^efr'es,fi your memory by a glance at ft,ar"i then you shall retain the latter, Jlst I keep the former. gla S' ^eftr"sa'^ Nellie, afier she had *rild°e^ over both with intense and yet be- it ired interest. We are married. I see 7*1 feel it too, now. It is no dream. It was an ruth-a. reality. But, ob God!" and here here*Pre8si°n of poignant agony came into ro<J 'ue eyes, and her hitherto musical voice feat *ut° a shriek—" what if all the ^as a reality likewise P If part was not a Bert^1' B^ou^ the rest be ? Oh, Lord f0, le husband—leave me, I am not fitted Jon!" eXcVe^e'now know ^hat y°u are his lordship. "Not fitted forme, rath • A being of rare and celestial beauty, loo]^' whom for the whole of my life I will the uP°n as one only a very little lower than (iayj^SelsI tell you what it is, N ell, my Se > if you are not better in five minutes H0, I ^op a dootor, whether you will it or ai° SUre excilement has been pareiJ^c^ for you. The separation from your Iftoth Parentsl—oh yes; my father and brother George, too Why, I wh° Seea ^em for a whole week. He— "■~the°iWou^ not let me go home, the man eyes ^enion. He fascinated me with his Srew 80 —80 big and to 0[ja & and terrible, and his two eyes seemed of one» an<^ that one in the centre *grHt F01,0'16^. When I saw it there Beei»ed t nia"nK came into my ears, and I '^ce Tuerow sick and to sink back into hL^tmavrn, dreams and my hideous ^egan» and they seem to have ^hine 1 m».8 ever Bince- Ob, th"»y were T»" Nothin dreanis> were they ^rftont t my love, nothing," replied Lord ha' f°,.reassQre her. 6 t strangely uneasy the while, for I a fearful presentiment of he knew not what oame over him. He dared not oross-examine Nellie in her present state, however, lest he should drive her mad. Perhaps she was mad already Yes; the dreadful suspicion would find a home in his heart and brain, strive to drive it forth as he would. Perchanoe insanity was in her family and the excitement she bad gone through for his sake had given birth to the fell monster. A mad wife Oh, how terrible! A young girl in her teens as mad as she was lovely; and such a madness, too! Sad, heartrending fate! The mere contemplation of such a catastrophe almost caused Lord Bertie's reason to forsake him likewise. "I forbid you to speak any more on these subjects until to-morrow, darling," said he. "Supper will be by this time laid in the breakfast parlour. Let us adjourn thither. A glass or two of wine, a mouthful of solid food, and a good night's rest will banish all these gloomy and morbid fancies, and with the bright sunshine my Nellie will be herself again." Nellie smiled faintly in reply, and said that she hoped so: and so they quitted the charm- ing boudoir, and descended to the pretty breakfast parlour, where a bright fire burned in the polished steel grate, and the supper- table was laid with considerable elegance. Nellie tried to eat, but made a miserable failure of it, for her mind was still painfully busy, striving to account for the events of the past week, to evolve fact out of chaos, to turn shadowy phantoms into some sort of form and substance, but all without avail. Lord Bertie opened a bottle of champagne, and insisted on Nellie's drinking a couple of glasses right off. No sooner had she finished the second, however, than she shrieked aload, and sank back amongst the sofa cushions in a deep swoon. Lord Bertie's terrors on her behalf culmi- nated on beholding this. He tugged away at the bellrope until it came down in his hand, and when the frightened domestic replied to the frenzied appeal, he could only exclaim- Run for the nearest doctor. Bring him hither at once, and return not without one on penalty of a discharge." As a natural consequence half a dozen i domestics rushed forth in search of one phy- sioian, and soon six sons of ^-Esculapius were standing beside Nellie's couoh. Opinions as to the nature and probable con- sequences of Nellie's mysterious attack varied considerably, but when Lord Bertie had explained as much as he could the excitement she had lately gone through, all six declared that that it was which had wrought the mis- chief, and that quiet, with the administration of a sedative, was the only thing to be done for her. And when all had gone the jolly, joking matron, who had been constituted business head of the establishment, changed her office into that of nurse, and, aided by two strong handmaidens, Nellie, still unconscious, was carried upstairs and put to bed; and then shaded lamps were lighted, curtains drawn, boots discarded for list slippers, and the whole house became as silent—though doors were constantly opening and figures gliding to and fro-as if it were tenanted by ghosts. Lord Bertie finished the bottle of cham- pagne himself, and made considerable inroads on another, sighing and moaning meanwhile, and inwardly accusing Providence of having been most unkind to him. At last, however, he managed to go to sleep in his armchair, with his feet on the fender, and there he slumbered on with broken sleep until the sun bad risen. Ul l A FIE [I XXIV. SOUGHT OUT BY A JEALOUS RIVAL, His first care was to hurry forth and ask Mrs. Phillips how her charge did. The answer gave him great comfort, since it was to the effect that she had sunk into a calm and refreshing slumber, and that the burning heat of fever bad given place to a gentle perspiration. Can I see her," asked Lord Bertie, im- petuously. Oh, yes; I must see her!" Iler rest must on no account be dis- turbed, my lord," said the nurse, .firmly. In telling you this, I am acting under the doctor's orders. He said that freedom from excite- ment was all-important in her ladyship's case, He will be here at eleven o'clock, perhaps then he may permit it." Did he call her ladyship ?' Has he any idea then who I am P" stammered Lord Bertie. II Oh, yes, my lord. He told me he had met you in society—you know Sir Anthony Bolus mixes with the highest ton-and he asked me if it had not been a runaway match." "Confound his impertinent curiosity and what did you answer, Mrs. Phillips ?" "I told him it was none of my business prying into my master's secrets; but that I'd known your lorship, man and boy, for fifteen years, and was certain you'd done the honourable." Thank you for your good opinions," said the young lord, warmly; and yet your true and plain speaking may get me into an awful scrape. However, we won't anticipate evil; the certainty that I now feel of Nellie's reason being preserved to me much more than compensates for all other troubles and perils. Mrs. Phillips, bid one of the girls give me some breakfast, and then I will wander in the park to kill time, until the time at which the doctor has promised to be here; the two hours will seem an eternity else," and so saying Lord Bertie turned on his heel and walked away. As, for breakfast, however, he might almost as well have left the ordering of it alone for he merely played with a broiled kindney, and poured out a cup of coffee, simply to forget to drink it. Then, after glancing at the Morning Post for about five minutess, quite unconscious that he was holding it upside down the while, he put on his hat and gloves and hurried towards the park. Little did he imagine who of all people in the world would call at the house he had just quitted during his absence therefrom. Had be done.so his manner would have been even more perturbed than what it was, and his apprehensions of the future more real and definite. We, however, are privileged to get back to the bijou palace in front of him, and tell our readers, without reservation, all that therein occurred whilst be was walking in the park. Sir Anthony Bolaa., Baronet and M.D., feeling somewhat anxious on blue-eyed Nellie's account, and being interested in her case as well, resolved that be would make his call an hour or so earlier than the time he had fixed upon. Perhaps he guessed that by this course he should find the master of the establishment out and Nurse Phillips amenable to judicious pumping. Exactly at ten his curricle was at the door, and five minutes later his fine bay horse was whisking him away towards Lord Bertie's. He had nearly gained his destination when, in crossing one of the still more fashionable thoroughfares he almost ran into an elegant little pony carriage, driven by a lady dressed in the height of fashion. He knew her at once, it was Lady Elizabeth Gower, and, according to rumour, the affianced wife of Lord Bertie Belmont. I am sure, my dear madam, I'm deeply grieved at causing you such a shock," said Sir Anthony. I really was deep in the conside- ration of a most important case, and- ■« "Ob, no apology, Sir Anthony," cried the lady, interrupting him. "If you have injured my nerves you will have to set them right again, that is all and I believe that many of us would even sham ill to have the honour of being waited on by the most fashionable phy- sician of the day. A b, Lady Elizabeth, your tongue is even brighter than your eyes. But you are taking the air early this morning. Is it the angel of Christian sympathy and charity who has harnessed himself to your care for the nonce ?" Not a bit of it, for I fear that he is a per- sonage with whom we are neither of us very intimately acquainted." II Oh, my lady, it is your humour to be, sarcastio this morning. I cannot make a joke at the expense of truth; and to deny that there are angels in Mayfair, while gazing in your ladyship's face, would be a wicked perjury, indeed. Badinage apart, however, does not your early drive lead you to the bed- side of poor Lady Belmont ? Lady Belmont ? Lad Belmont, Sir Anthony ? What Lady Belriiotii, in Heaven's name ? And the questioner curbed her ponies up so sharply that they began to lash out and plunge; so that her tiger had to spring to the ground and rush to their heads. "You really drive far too spirited cattle. You will meet with a sad mishap one day, and I shall have the melancholy pleasure of waiting on you to attend a compound frac- ture," said Sir Anthony, clapping a gold- rimmed glass to his dexter eye whilst he spoke. r, Never mind remote contingencies, I'm anxious to learn something of the, to me, highly interesting present," said the fair charioteer, whose cheeks were flushing and eyes flashing under some evidently strong excitement. "You have spoken to me of a being whom I thought was as unknown in Mayfair as the very angel whom we have just been speaking of. I am tolerably well versed in Debrett, but assuredly no Lady Belmont figures in that." Then, my dear Lady Elizabeth, you are not aware that Lord Bertie Belmont has led to the hymeneal altar a lady whose youthful grace and beauty is only enhanced by-by- by her misfortunes. She appears to be friendless, an orphan perhaps, and I fancied that as his lordship's cousin and dear friend —but no matter--good morning!" And Sir Anthony Bolus, with a sly and malevolent twinkle in his eyes that ever dwelt there when he either started a scandal or uttered a sarcasm, made as if he was about to drive on. But Lady Elizabeth had a rare mastery over her feelings and emotions, and yet she possessed a strong curiosity as well. So calling to the doctor, and wheeling round her carriage at the same instant, she said, quite calmly, as she drove along close abreast of him- You are right, Sir Anthony I am Bertie's cousin and dear friend, and as his wife seems to be friendless and an orphan, the angel of mercy shall attach himself unto my car wheels, and convey me to her presence." As she concluded, Lady Elizabeth uttered a little short laugh that sounded neither merciful nor charitable, and which Sir Anthony read as easily as a skilled musioian would read a score in music. And so they drove into Farm-street, where Lord Bertie's mansion was situated, side by side, until the doctor at last drew up before the door of No. 21, and Lady Elizabeth promptly reined up likewise. The tigers were at their respective horses' beads in an instant, and Sir Anthony found the ground also sufficiently quick to assist her ladyship to alight. How shall I announce you ?'' he asked, as he handed her up the broad steps. "If my cousin Bertie is within I can announce myself; if he is out say that you have brought a nurse," answered the lady, haughtily. The doctor bowed, and then gave a thun- dering knock at the door. It was answered by a page. In reply to the inquiry as to whether Lord Belmont wis at home, he replied in the nega- tive, and said that he did not expeot him back for another hour, whereupon Lady Elizabeth gave a smile of satisfaction. She was in truth a very handsome young woman of 25 or so, and magnificently formed. Her completion was pure, her hair abundant and glossy, her eyes keen and bright, but with no womanly softness in them, and her features finely cut, though of the bold Roman type; her forehead was broad and high too, which ever gives a masculine and unpleasant expression to a female countenanoe. In short, Lady Elizabeth Gower was a Minerva rather than a Venus. The doctor and the lady entered the house without any challenge, and even reached the top of the grand staircase together. Here they encountered Mrs. Phillips, who, recognising Lady Elizabeth Gower at a glance, felt, as she afterwards expressed it, as though she should have sunk into the very ground." Ob, Dame Phillips," said Lady Elizabeth, with a slight toss of the head and an unmis- takable curl of ber short upper lip, "so you are here ? I wish to see your mistress in order that I may ascertain whether I can be of any service to her. I im told that she is far away from her own friends, and so as her hUE- band's cousin-" "And I'm sure it's very kind of you, my lady," broke in plain-dealing Mrs. Phillips. I'm sure it's very good of you to be so ready to take the deffr, sweet, suffering angel by the hand, for that she is suffering both in mind and body no one for a minute can doubt: She is in a sweet sleep now, and I dare say Sir Anthony will not allow her to be awake, but you may have a peep at her, and I war- rant your ladyship will own that to see her is to love her." I do not go much by appearances, nurse," said Lady Elizabeth rather coldly, but I'm quite prepared to love her if I find it pos- sible." And this was the sober truth, for Lady Elizabeth Gower felt that such a possibility could not exist, that, in fact, she could enter- tain no other feeling than positive hate to- wards one who bad been her successful rival. An instant later and she was in Nellie's presence. CHAPTER XXV. A COUSINLY DEFIANCE. It wM a strange sigbt-the handsome ma- jestic, Juno-like woman standing at the foot of the bed in that sumptuously furnished chamber, and gazing with an expression of fiery scorn and contempt upon the exquisitely lovely countenance of her young and uncon- scious rival. Nellie's face was almost as white as the lace-fringed cushions whereon it lay but this very whiteness formed a charming oontrast to the long ebon lashes that drooped in glossy fringes on her soft, rounded cheeks, and to the jetty masses of softly waving hair that draped her little, well-formed head and alabaster throat, and then strayed over the pillow in rich coils. The doctor, gliding into the chamber in the rear of Lady Elizabeth, and round to the chair placed by the nurse at the bedside, easily s possessed himself of a hand without arousing the sleeper, and his finger and thumb closing around the slender wrist, out came his massive gold watch, whilst on his face settled that Solon-like look of wisdom which the fashion- able doctor knowsso well how to assume when feeling a patient's pulse. It was indeed fortunate that I was eailed in so promptly on her ladyship's behalf," said he, as he gently relinquished the wrist, H The I danger is over, and if she now be kept from any injurious excitement, another twenty-four hours will see her restored to perfect health." I May his lordship see her on his return P [ could scarcely refrain him from breaking your most positive commands, and forcing his way into her presence, so anxious was he concerning her ladjship's health," here broke in Mrs. Phillips, with many curtsies. He may see and converse with her for a few minutes at a time, and at a few hours' interval. But his conversation must be light, cheering, and non-exciting. He must not recur to anything of a painful or a terrifying nature," replied Sir Anthony Bolus, dogmati- cally. Then turning to Lady Elizabeth Gower, who stood clutching the massive brass rail at the foot of the bedstead as though her very fingers were growing into the metal, he said with a smile, Her ladyship is going on so well that your kindly and Christian offices will not be required. Mrs. Phillips will be quite equal to all that wanted, believe me." I am rejoiced to hear it," replied Lady Elizabeth in a tone that she vainly essayed to make gracious for, determined to satisfy her curiosity at any sacrifice and at all risks, and having done so, she was glad of having a way of retreat provided. She could not, however, do so till she had satisfied herself whet her the fair tenant of the sumptuous bedroom was, in reality, Lord Bertie's wife. So she beckoned Mrs. Phillips over to the other end of the roomy ohamber, and said :— I Who was Lady Belmont, and where and when was his lordship married to her ? The question was accompanied by the slipping of a sovereign into the nurse's hand. This will explain to you, ma'am, more than [ could tell you concerning it.' And Mrs. Phillips took from the toilette table Nellie's marriage lines, and handed the long slip of blue paper, which was printed and filled up in all due form, to Lady Elizabeth Gower. The brow of the handsome aristocrat dar- kened, and her eyes flashed as she eagerly scanned it and rapidly took in such opposing items as" Earl ''—" Blacksmith "—" Infant — of full age," and so oil, until last of all her gaze rested on the names of the two witnessed, Sir Duncan Drawlington, Bart. and Enoch Meek, journeyman smith." "What a foul and dirty puddle for the almost ducal blood of the Belmonts to mingle itself with," said she, as she crumpled the document up in her hand and then tossed it contemptuously back in a ball on to the toilette table. 11 Well, it is in men's nature to make fools of themselves," "And yet," said Mrs. Phillips, who bad already taken a liking to her young charge, I have read that beautiful diamonds may be made out of a bit of dirty oharooal, and not only that, but also that diamonds that have been diamonds for a thousand years may be reduced to charcoal themselves, notwithstand- ing all their brilliance." Which I suppose is only another way of asserting that all classes are equal, and that this spawn of a village smithy is a worthy mate for a scion of England's oldest and proudest noblesse I will take care, Dame Phillips, that with such Republican senti- ments you do not enter the service of a titled family again. In these levelling days the aristocracy have to guard jealously their birth. 1 wish you a very good morning, Sir Anthony Bolur, If your dainty patient needs your services no longer, be good enough to esoort me to my carriage." And Lady Elizabeth, after casting a withering glance of scorn at the still uncon- soious Nellie, swept out of the chamber and down the grand staircase, preceded by the doctor. But she was not destined to get clear of the house so oleverly as she had calculated on, for Lord Bertie's anxiety concerning Nellie's health had brought him back t8 Farm-street by half-past ten of the clock instead of eleven, and as a consequence, he met Sir Anthony Bolus and Lady Elizabeth Gower just as they were coming out of the hall door. Visions of a woman's vengeance, of a disin- heriting at the hands of a stern father, and a consequent life of poverty and hard labour at once presented themselves to his mind. But then rage and indignation against Sir Anthony Bolus for betraying a professional secret filled his breast to the exolusion of all other subjects, and striding up to him he out off hi. retreat to his carriage, and whilst rais- ing his hat to the lady he said, curtly- "Sir Anthony, you need not call at my house again. I have no longer a need of your services." "Very well, my lord. I will then content myself with the patronage of one of a family. I have been your father, the earl's, medical attendant for six months past, and I do not think that there is much chance of his dis- missing me in so summary a manner as his son has done." This was a threat as well as an explanation, and Lord Bertie took it as such. He did not condescend to make any reply, however, but turning to Lady Elizabeth with an elaborate and studied bow, he inquired of her, somewhat sarcastically- To what is my poor house indebted for the honour of such a visit?" "I hoped to have been able to nurse my cousin-in-law back into health," she replied with an ioy smile; "but upon learning her birth and genealogy I feared to undertake the taik, for I really do not know whether the ailments of those kind of people resemble ours or those of the lower animals. They &e a new and unstudied race to me, and as I might have made some terrible mistake, I thought 'twas best to come away again." And I think so, too," replied Lord Bertie. I thank you for your good intentions, fair cousin, but am glad that you did not even try to experimentalise, for the health and life of my blue-eyed Nellie are more precious to me than that of any woman 1 have yet seen." (7o be continued)

A CLERGYMAN writes as follows:—"I have seen Mr. Turreti's (of Worle) Jlagic Cough Mixture' doing a grent deal of good. It takes immediate effect, and cures coughs of the most distressing character. In a case of consumption I have known it to give very groat | eiier.-Youre faithfully. Rev. D. Samuel. morrieloll.

I FUNNIOSITIES, I 1\"0 room was ever made large enough to hold both a fat man and a mosquito. Everything has to pay up sometimes; even the little chickens have to shell out. The saddest consequences of a great malÙ death are the verses that are written to hit memory, Sophronia: What is philosophy F" It is something that enabfes a rich man to say there is no disgrace in being zoor," "Have you any limbhorn bonnets?" in- quired a modest miss of a shopkeeper. You don't mean leghorn?" The young lady was brought to by proper restoratives. Lord Brougham once facetiously dsfmed a lawyer thus:—A learned gentleman, who rescues your estate from your enemies, and keep it himself. In Austria, a native named Tonic is re. ported to have committed a murderous out- rage and escaped. When the police have taken that Tonic they'll feel better. The Magician: Will some gentleman in the audience kindly lend me his watch P" The Chicago audience then rose to its feet with one accord and threw up its hands. Bertha: Grandma, is oor teef good?, Grandma: No, darling; I've got none now, unfortunately. Bertha: Then I'll give oo my nuts to mind till I come back. Polydipsia is the Boston name for thirst. When suffering from polydipsia the Boston man calls for spiritus frumenti and then washes it down with protoxide of hydrogen. Mrs. Gadder Have you seen Mrs. Hemphill since her husband eloped with the cook ? Mrs. de Gush Yes; she doesn't care she was going to give the oook notice, anyway. Scorjell: I don't know what to do with my boy. He has St. Vitus's dance. Ilia contortions are frightful. Yaggers: Mako a great pianist of him, and it will pass for eccentricity. There's nothing new in Mr. Stead's asseve< ration that he's assisted in his literary work by Spirits. Lord Byron nsed to say that he owed a good deal of his divine flatus to bit favourite Djinn. Teasing Friend \Yhat makes that new baby at your house cry so much, Tommy ? Tommy (indignantly): It don't cry very much, and, anyway, if all your teeth was out, and your hair off, and your legs so weak you couldn't even stand on them, I fancy you'd feel like crying yourself A young lady who has employed every kind of love gives the following as the result of her experience :—" The sweetest love is a mother's love; the longest, a brother's love; the strongest, a woman's love; the dearest, » man's love and the sweetest, longest, strongest, dearest love—a love of t bonnet. "Papa," said a little urchin five years of age, "didn't you whip me once for biting Tommy Yes, my child; you hurt him much." Well, then, papa, you ought to whip sister's music master, too, for ho bi< sister, yesterday, right on the mouth and 1 know it hurt her, because she put her armi round his neck, and tried to choke him." A young lady, in a class studying physio- logy, made answer to a question put that in six years a human body became entirely changed, so that not a particle which was in it at the commencement of the period would remain at the close of it. 11 Then, Miss L. said the young tutor, "in six years you will cease to be Miss L ?" Why yes, sii-, I sup- pose so," said she, very modestly, looking at the floor, A master in a young lady's sohool was giving a lesson in parsing, when she came to the words, He, courting the sm iIes of the great, &c." A young girl of fifteen, acute and pretty, was asked, What does courting agree with ? The embryo woman blushed to the eyes, and bung down her head. The question was repeated; and at last the em- barrassed learner stammered out, It agrees with all the girls, sir." Several men were standing at the corner of a street when one of the most fashionable ladies of the neighbourhood passed. A h," exclaimed one of the men, what a complexion! There is nothing to beat it in the neighbour- hood. I am proud of that woman, I am." Are you her husband P" asked a stranger. "No, sir." M Her father, then ?" "No, sir I am no relation of hers. I am the chemist that sold it to her. I make it myself." Vulgarity is not found in uncivilised life, because in that state there is little differenoe of rank, and less of manners; nor is it in a civilised country a deficiency of politeness or refinement, as compared with the most polished classes, for a peasant may he a gen- tleman, and a peer a vulgarian. Vulgarity of manners may co-exist with a polished mind, and urbanity with a vulgar one the union of both constitutes the gentleman, whatever may be the grade in which it is found.—Horace Smith. During a learned lecture by a German ad.. venturer he illustrated the glory of mechanic. as a science thus :—" De ting dat is made is more superior dan de maker. I show you how in some tings. Suppose I make de round wheel of de coach. Ver' well dat wheel roll round five hundred mile—and I cannot roll one myself! Suppose I am a cooper, what you call, and I make de big tub to hold wine. He holds tuns and gallons; and I cannot hold more than five bottle! So you see dat what is made is more superior dan the maker." Luck and Labour both begin with the same letter, bat end with very different results. Luck is ever wai ing for "something to turn up; Labour, with keen eye and strong will, bravely turns up something." Luck lies in bed, and wishes that the postman would bring him news of a legacy; Labour turns out at six o'clock, and with busy pen or ringing hammer lays the foundation of a competence. Luck whines, Labour whistles; Luck relies on chance, Labour on character Luck slips downward to indigence, Laboursirides upward to independence. The other day a strong smell of gas was discovered in the court-yard of a faotory, and one of the mill workers was sent to dig for the main gaspipe and try to find out the leakage. After he had dug for some time one of the employers inquired of the amateur navvy if he bad yet come upon the leak, and receiving no reply the employer thought the man did not understand what he was in search of, and asked if he knew what a leak was. I ehould sae, when 1 have then, growin' in my ain garden," was the indignant reply. A lithographic establishment recently re- ceived from a customer a printed circular announcing the death of the head of the firm. It was given to the clerk with instruc- tions to write a letter of condolence in reply, and this is what he sent-" "Te are greatly pained to learn of the loss sustained by your firm, and extend to you our heartiest sym- pathy. We notice that the oircular you send us announcing Mr. 's death is litho- graphed by Messrs. ——. We regret that you did not see your way to let 08 estimate for the printing of the same. The next time there is a bereavement in your house vrs, shall be glad to quote you for litbograpbia: circulars, and are confident that we canSJ, you better work at less cost than else in the business. Trusting W8 way OOD have an opportunity of quoting our prices. we remain, with profound sympathy, you trttl IF,