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BRIGHT AND BRIEF.

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BRIGHT AND BRIEF. A man with big feet never stands on trifles. Jack: I may kiss you then ? Perdita (blushingly): Some time in the future, Jack. Jack (eagerly): When ? Perdita: Day before to-morrow. First Poet: Say, Sam, why is it yer allus has a new hat? Second Poet: Easy Enough; whenever I see a better hat than mine in a restaurant I allus git through first. Would you take me for twenty years ? said a young lady, who looked much Bwa you, child," said an When th wouia wv for mother their greatest anxiety when their daughters are older. ° Quilp says when he sees kisses between women it reminds him of two handsome unmatched gloves—charming things with their proper mates, but good for nothing that way. Said a pompous husband, whose wife had <'M6a uPbehl¥] and given him a kiss— (< Madam, I consider such an act indecorous." "Excuse me," said the wife, "1 didn't know it was you." Married couples resemble a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them. What city in France is a man about to visit when he goes to get married ?-He is going to Havre (have her;. An old bachelor being asked the question, promptly replied, "To Rouen (ruin.) When a woman says to you: Go away I don t want to see you again," you may live in hope. If, on the other hand, she says I shall always be glad to see you," you may take your hook. An old bachelor, who particularly hated literary women asked an authoress if she vj £ hrow any light on kissing. I could hSt' !r°F;T at him> "but I think it fe better in the dark." Guard, to old lady who has been causing 7?w 3 Rreat deal of unnecessary trouble- Well I ]ust wish you were an elephant- and then you'd always have your trunk right under your eyes." Was it an intentional joke when an Irish farmer demanded compensation from a neighbour for the death of his donkey which, he averred, had been" assassinatad by the neighbour's mastiff ? A betting man sat and watched with interest and excitement the perpetration of a violin and piano duet. "A dead heat, b? Jove. he exclaimed, as both instruments wound up at the same time. Some crusty, rusty, musty, fusty, dustv gusty curmudgeon of a man gave the follow- ing toast at a celebration." Our fire engines-may they be like our old maids- ever ready, but never wanted." "What does Larrington see in Harrington's personal appearance to admire so much? He is always talking of 'handsome Harring- + i y' don,t *"ou kn°w?-they are said to look very much alike." Parry: "It is said that all is fair in lo-ve and war, but there is one great difference between them." Evans: "What is it?" Parry: In love the fighting does not begin until the engagement is over." "Why is your hair so grey, mamma?" Mamma. Well, because you are a naughtv child sometimes." Infant prodigy: "What a naughty child you must have been. Poor grandma's hair is quite white. Clara: Baron Spuchs must be a brave man. They say he lives in a castle that is haunted by the ghosts of murdered ancestors. Jack: Ghosts? That's nothing. I live in a house that is haunted by bill collectors. Young Waitley seems low-spirited. I wonder what troubles him ? "His uncle is dead." "But his uncle has been dead several days, and he has seemed cheerful- enough until now." Yes, but the will was read last night." Worker: "And what caused your downfall, my good man ? Horrible Example: It was this stage realism, mum. I was acting the drunkard in a temperance play, and the manager insisted on my using real whisky, mum." & Alice (aged 7 years): "Papa, were there any live rebels after the Battle of Bull Run ?" Father: "Why, of course, my child. Why do you ask that?" Alice: "Uncle George told me about the battle last night, and I thought he billed them all."

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