FTJS AD FANCY. A C-TKI.'S motives in marrying are like a passport—- apt to get mislaid. One is so seldom asked for eitht-r. YOING: "I heard that you were run down by a iiHYclst. this morning." Oldboy: "So I was." Youim: "Were you hurt?" Oldboy: "Not until one or the bystanders said that it was a shame to so, an old man knocked down like that." the young, who have nothing, and the old. who havr had everything, can afford the luxury of n.elancholy. An," said the g-ushing spinster, "but you have never known what, it is to have. loved and lost!" I haven't, eh!" replied the male listener. Well, I came pretty near it the time my first wife's father dropped every penny he had on a bogus gold mine just three days before orr wedding." WK ought to be satisfied if we hoid-our own but we generally are not, because we want to get hold of someone else's. IF we spent more of the time doing the things we can that we devote to wanting to do the things we can't, we should find that we could do a greater number of things. HERE is an article headed 'From War to Wed- lock,' said Mrs. Tiff as she looked over the news- piper. "This is an alliterative title." "Yes,"added Mr. Tiff alliterative, but tautological." Jh. GLADE: Do you know anybody who has a horse for sale ?" Drover:" I reckon Hank Bitters has. I sold him one yesterday." i FO-il) MOTHER: "I think Violst's voice ought to be cultivated abroad." Sensible Father: Anywhere would suit me, except at home." THIS room is very close," remarked the guest to the bead waiter. Can't I have a little fresh air ?" 1 One air yelled the waiter. Fresh j MADAM," said the officer, I have a warrant for searching these premises for a valuable article of jewellery believed to be stolen by you." "You have, have you ?" she answered defiantly. Well, you may begin by searching me." The bravado was costly, j The officer was a woman in disguise, and found the pocket at the first dive. WIFE (to unhappy husband): I wouldn't worry. John it doesn't do any good to borrow trouble." j Husband Borrow trouble ? Great Csesar. my dear, I ain't borrowing the trouble; I have it to lend." ] BROWN Robinson claims that he could have cut me out and married you himself if he had wanted j tn." His Wife: "Why didn't he do it, then?" I,Irown He owed me a grudge." WHAT are you crying about, my little man ?" Jittuny Dodds licked me first, an' then father licked me for letting Jimmy lick me, and then Jimmy licked me again for telling father, and now I sup- po.<e I shall catch it again from father." IT does not always do to agree with one's friends, The other day a friend was telling me of some silly thing he had done, and said: "You know what a siiiv fool I am?" All innocently I answered "Yes." lie refused to continue his story any further. 1 SHE had just been stating her reasons for refusing his hand. "I hope." she said, that I have made • myself perfectly plain." No, I cannot say that you have," he replied. I—I think Nature has some- thing to do with it." Then he made his exit. MJSTI:F.SS How is it, Sarah, that whenever I I come into the kitchen I find you gossiping with the baker or the butcher ?" Maid Well, ma'am, if you really ask for the truth, I should say as it was them nasty soft-soled shoes you come creeping about in." COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER (to boy who has answered the beil): "I want the boots. You're not the boots, surely ? Boy in Buttons No, sir I'm the socks Commercial Traveller: Socks! You impudent young demon, what do you mean?" Boy in Buttons: "Why, you see, sir, I'm under the boots." THE knowledge that there are more ways than one of doing a thing is frequently a source of subsequent t regret. TiiErE is some difference between a joke and a I mean trick." That's so; a joke is a mean trick that you play on another fellow, and a mean trick is a joke that another fellow plays on you." Miss PRETTY: "I don't see how you whistle through your fingers that way. I could never do it, I'm sure." Mr. Goodheart (wishing to compliment her delicate little hands): "No, Miss Pretty: if vou tried it your whole hand would slip into your mouth." MANY men take a rest as if they were taking some- thing jhat didn't belong to them. WHY do you insist upon taking your wife out j for such long walks in this rough weather?" "The doctor has told her that she must be verycareful not I to talk when she is out in the cold air." I say who's your doctor?" HE Do you think you could learn to love me ?" She (musingly): I don't know. How much salary do you get ?" BIGGs: "That man Dobbs is going around telling lies about you." Boggs I don't mind that, but if he begins to tell the truth I'll break his neck." A MAN boasted that his grandfather was 100 years old. "Pstiaw," said another, "if my grandfather were alive, he would be 150 years old." i THE difficulty with the man who makes a regular 1 practice of finding fault is that as he gets more and expert in his business the demand for his goods gets less and less. A SHORT time ago a young Londoner who had hardly evsr been out of the metropolis in his life, re- ceived an invitation from an acquaintance in the country, asking him to have a run over to his place for a few days and give 'him some help in gathering mushrooms. This is the reply be got: "DEAR JACK,- I'm very glad to hear as how you and the missus is all right, but I can't come over to see you becos I'm afraid 1 would be no use gathering mushrooms for you know very well I can't climb." HUSIIAND (off for a long journey): Do you often think of me when I am gone?" Wife: "Indeed, I do it takes me a week to get the smell of smoke out of the house." AT a party Smith, the funny man, picked from the floor some false hair, and, holding it aloft, wickedly asked who had lost it. Impulsively the hand of every lady within earshot went to her back hair. THE weak fellow was making the girl tired by his long and vapid talk on the advancement of women. Don't you ever wish you were a man ?" he asked as a kind of clincher. No," she responded, in the sweetest, most womanly way; do you ?" WHAT do you think of my poems ?" inquired the youthful aspirant of a medical friend. They "betray an astonishing ignorance of anatomy," was the reply. But they are not supposed to be scien- tific. you know." That may be the case, but it affords no excuse for your saying they 'spring from an aching heart,' when it is so apparent that they pro- ceed from a deranged liver." '• JosErniNE wont take any medicine for that dreadful congb." Why not ?" She doesn't want to get rid of it, because she got it in Paris." THE HUSBAND: "But we can't afford to keep a to get rid of it, because she got it in Paris." THE HUSBAND: "But we can't afford to keep a carriage." The Wife "I know we can't, but I want to show that stuck-up Mrs. Brown that we can have things we can't afford just as well as she can." A WRITER on dancmg estimates that eighteen waltzes are equal to about fourteen miles of heel-and-toe work. And yet many a girl who is too frail to walk down into the kitchen can cover about sixteen miles of ball-room floor per evening. ENOUGH is happiness, but we have no standard by which to measure the quantity. AREN'T you ftfrftid your huibwd will D6 f&sci* nated bv that pretty widow next door?" I don't think sô: be likes a garden, and she keeps fowls." SOMEBODY told me that that young man who was just introduced to us is an actor," remarked Maud. "No," replied Mamie positively; "I'm sure he is nt. He looks like one." I don't care. He isn't." "fJ ow do you know?" "We were talking about the stage and he named as many as five or six people whose acting he admired." Y ISITOR: I understand that you had an amateur dramatic performance in the Town Hall last night I" Native: Yes; the Sock and Buskin Club played 'Little Mae, or the Mountain Mystery. ,J And what was the mystery ?" As near as I could make out, the mystery was how the audience stood it till the last act was over." A WELL-KNOWN novelist was once talking informally to the students of an Art School on Refinement." And how may one best attain to this ideal of refinement ?" asked one young man. The man of letters stroked his moustache very earnestly for a space, but this was the utmost he could find of •xnoHnkffMnent: "A venr rood way M to inherit it."
GREATER BRITAIN. THE domestic duck is the type of the Natatores, fat we have nothing to do with domestic animals here (says a writer in the Times of India), In a wild State the same bird is known to sportsmen as the Mallard, which is abundant in Sind and the Pun- jaub, but rarely strays so far south as this. There are several species of wild ducks, however, which Tisit us regularly, such as the pintail, the gadwall, the common and gargeney teals, and the shoveller. The last is a coarse feeder, and its flavour is vari- able, but the other four are among the most tasty of the whole tribe. They are all migratory birds, spend- ing the summer in Central Asia, or Europe, or even the Arctic regions. They arrive here in September Or October, and at first wander about in an aim- less way, settling on any water that seems to offer a chance of a meal. Large flocks may be ieen crossing our harbora" in different directions, and of course they will settle at times on the in- undated parts of the Flats. This is the mtive shikaree's opportunity. His ideal idea of sport is to bag a maximum of meat with a minimum expendi- ture of powder and shot. So he gets up before xlawn, and, having marked a flock, wriggles like a mudfish, under coyer of a ridge of earth, or a tuft of grass, till he gets within range, then sends a heavy charge of large shot into the thick of them. I have known of 14 ducks being bagged in this way by a single shot. The wild duck is no fool, and a few sharp lessons of this kind soon teach the sur- vivors wisdom, which is the reason that there is SO little duck-shooting to be had in the vicinity of Bombay. The ducks are here, and they feed where- ever there is food, but they get away before day- light and sleep on the open sea. All through the season you may hear the sound of wings at night, as a flock passes overhead, in places where you will look for them in vain by day. I need not describe the different species of wild ducks, for a man who does not shoot will not easily learn to dis- tinguish one from another, but he may know enough not to confound them with the coot or with the cor- morant. The little cormorant is a very common bird on this coast, especially up the creeks, and I daresay it often passes for a sort of black duck, but it differs from a duck as a gentleman differs from a loafer. The cormorant is a thoroughly shabby bird, frtth a large ragged tail and covered all over a sordid black like the Sunday coat of a Goanese cook. In its babits also it is unlike a duck. It seldom rests On the water, but perches on rocks, or even on trees, sitting very upright. It flies well, but gene- rally at no very great height, and slowly compared with a wild duck; not in orderly flocks either, but singly, or in small, loose parties. Its beak is not Bat, but narrow and a little hooked at the tip, the use of it being to catch and hold a slippery fish, for the cormorant is a fisher by trade. The Chinese tame them and employ them as divers, fitting a ring On their neck to prevent them swallowing what they -catch, which seems mean. The Hindoo fisherman it not so ingenious as the Chinaman, and has not discovered this use of the cormorant. Jerdon states that these birds have the power of inflating the gullet to enable them to swallow consider- able sized fish," and their digestion is "very rapid," to which may be added that they have a healthy appetite. I imagine that when the Government takes the Indian fisheries in hand, as it has done those at home, it will be found expedient to exterminate the cormorants. I hope that day is far distant, however. A crowd of cor- morants after a great shoal of little fishes affords a most exciting spectacle. They hem the shoal in and drive it towards the shore, diving and coming up, and diving again in breathless haste. All the white J Egrets in the neighbourhood come down to share in the fun, and run along the edge of the water, pluck- ing out any shivering refugee that comes within reach. So there is Mack death behind and pale death in front, and the massacre must be terrible. AT the last meeting in London of the Koyal i -Colonial Institute, Mr. J. Ferguson read a paper on "Ceylon in 1899." Sir C. Smith presided. < Mr. Ferguson pointed out the progress of the colony, re- marking that during the last few years there had been a great spread of education, almost the begin- ning of technical instruction, of social and sanitary improvement and of material prosperity among the native population; an increase of irrigation and other public works, a re-organisation of the Civil Service, :a new start in regard to surveys—topographical, Cadastral, trigonometrical, and archaeological—with the prospect at an early date of an Agricultural Board, with a scientific staff and experimental ,.tations. There had also been a rapid extension of cultivation under the cocoanut and other palms, both by natives and Europeans; the full establish- ment of a great planting enterprise, chiefly in the hands of Colonists, in tea and subordinately in cacao and cardamoms, with experiments in rubber- yielding trees and other minor products; a new interest and much additional activity in mining, especially in plumbago, and, consequent on all this, but especially on the rise in tea-planting, a marked advance has been made in the trade and revenue of the island. Then, again, great progress had been shown in the harbour works (with the addition of a first-class graving dock) which were to make Colombo one of the best equipped and most convenient, as it was already the most central port in Eastern waters between Aaia and Austra- lasia, and between China and East or South Africa. Still, further, there had been a revival of activity in respect of railway extension, so that after wit- nessing the completion of one of the grandest and most profitable mountain railways in the world, ey are now on the eve of extensive works—both en the existing broad, and on a very narrow gauge —which, whatever might be thought of them in design and detail, couid not fail to exercise much influence on the future of the colony, more espe- cially in regard to districts as yet; untouched by European enterprise, and, unfortunately, very little occupied by the natives. The principal industries ofJ the island were in a Sound and promising condi- tion the administration was decidedly progressive, and the people were advancing in comfort and intelli- gence. It was the opinion of its present Governor, of leading Colonists and officials, that Ceylon only required to be better and more widely known to be i still more appreciated. As a winter resort it had .much to recommend it; it bad the finest hotels in the East in Colombo, Mount Lavinia, Kandy, Hatton, Newara Elliya, Bandarawella, &c., with every variety of climate between—as exbernes- ÐOdeg. and freezing point, but in which snow and fogs were unknown. A discussion followed. AT a meeting of the Field Naturalists' and Or- nithological Societies, held at the Adelaide Institn, I Mr. A. J. Campbell, F.L.S., of Melbourne, contri- buted some notes on Australian Birds." A local report says that Mr. Campbell is remarkably .well- informed on bird-life, having for years made it his special study and hobby, and his address was full of interest. He remarked that there are 760 species of Australian birds, and that the subject was as bread as the Australian continent. It was so large that he hardly knew where to begin. Mr. Camp- bell did not have a word to say about the whole 760 species which make up the Australian bird life,1 but discussed some of the most interesting of the feathered creatures. He stated that the eggs of i about half of the Australian species of owls are still nnknown to science, chiefly on account of the noc- turnal habits of the birds and the depositing of the; eggs in hUbe hollow trees in dark forests. Speaking of the magpie, he said that he thought that bird might be taken as a true type of a genuine Australian native, being exceedingly showy, musical, apt to talk, trifle cheeky, and, when old, somewhat fierce. The flute-like song of the magpie was among the most enchanting sounds of the bush, and, notwithstand- ing what had been said to the contrary, the bird was a very useful friend to mankind as an inyeet- destroyer. The person who said that Australia had no songbirds had, indeed, a dull ear, or was a most doleful pessimist. He mentioned the names of feathered friends which are full of sweet merry songs, and passed on to the croaker, the crow, nicknamed "Satan Let Loose." "There is also a Saven in Australia which is distinguished from the crow by the fact that the shafts of the feathers at the neck are dark, while those in the crow are white. It may be a surprise to some to learn that there are Birds of Paradise in the eastern forests and scrubs of Australia. I cannot describe the splendour Of the purplish lustre of the coat of the male bird, Of the sheen of exquisite, green upon his throat and fcead," the lecturer remarked. There are 80 species of cockatoos and parrots in Australia, and no country in the world is as rich in that type of bird. Of the thousands of kinds of birds in the world all 8't on their egg or eggs, hatching them by the genial warmth of their bodies, except one family, containing three species in Australia—the mallee hen, the brush turkey, and the megapode. Sheae birds scrape together immense mounds of 8andy earth and vegetation, and the eggs are depo- sited on end, to be hatched or incubated by the heat of the sun, aided by the warmth engendered by &he decomposing debris of the mound. At the Appointed time the young makes its way out of the wandy tomb unassisted, when it is able to 8y and thift for itself, and were it to meet its own mother it irould not know her from a crow. What do you think of that for colonial precoCIty P Mr. Campbell naked. The lecturer's remarks on the emu, the king of Australian fauna, were received with sympathy. fie said: "Native kings generally go down before She advancing tide of civilisation, and the noble •tnu, I am sorry to say, seems to be doomed. The mnus of Tasmania and Kangaroo Island are now OStinct, How long will the mainland species sur- Not long, I fear, unless the people and the liament aid in its proper protection.
LITERARY EXTRACTS.. -_# MISSING."—Cassell'.s Magazine contains an article on "Tho Streets of London," from which we extract an interview between the author and a police in- spector. Said the latter: "About ten years ago I was watching some workmen pulling down a row of old riverside houses that had had » desperate bad reputation, time out of mind, and I can recollect what a start it gave me when they showed me that nearly every house had a great trap-door through which anything could be dropped into the race of the tide below. Many a poor chap had gone to his death that way, I'll go bail. But I can tell you a curious thing that happened only the other day. A man had been drugged and robbed, but he told us that before he became insensible he had managed to lock and bolt his door, and locked and bolted it was when he came round again. How they had got in and robbed him he couldn't imagine. Well we searched about and finally discovered that the door 'was really two doors one within another. Ho had locked and bolted the inner door into the frame sa.e enough, but then the frame itself was only another door with separate hinges of its own I suppose the list of those reported missing is quite a short one in these days, is it not?" Some eighteen to twenty thousand a year! But don't look so startled More than three quarters of them turn up again in some way or other. You see, the list includes strayed children and runaway boys to begin with. Then there are the men who get locked up at night for something or other, and either are too careless or too ashamed to send to their wives, with the result that the poor women rush off to the nearest station in the morning to make inquiries. Quite a number of men go and hide after quarrel- ling with their wives. Why, I came across a case the other day where a man had lived for four years with- in half a mile of the wife he'd deserted without her finding him. A big town is the only safe place for a fellow that's wanted to hide comfortably." AN ARTIST'S CAREER.—Writing upon the romantic career of Mr. C. Napier Hemy, A.R.A., in the Maga- zine of Art Mr. Arthur Fish says In the following year he took up his residence at Falmouth, and began the series of pictures by which he has made his reputation, and secured for himself a leading position among the best of our marine painters. The principle of truth in art," to which he sub- scribed at the beginning of his career, has been adhered to throughout, and combined with the stern lesson he learned at Antwerp, forced upon him the necessity for accuracy of an elevated kind in all that he paints. Nothing appears on his canvasses that be has not actually seen no effects of the ever- changing sea are depicted that have not been closely studied from nature. Every boat, with every spar and detail of rigging, is painted with the model before him and the result is that his works are among the few sea-pictures that delight the sea-going visitors to the Academy exhibitions. When he first began to paint at Falmouth, an ordinary open boat was made to serve his purpose as studio, and the difficulties under which his work was accomplished can be but faintly imagined. Exposed to the changes of the weather, ill-sheltered from the sun, wind, and rain by an umbrella, he rowed about in Falmouth Harbour, sketching and painting the effects of light and shade upon the water, and endeavouring to fix upon his paper and canvas the varied aspects of the sea in its many moods. The fascination of the work grew upon him, and, to better the conditions of its execution, he transformed a forty-feet Seine boat into a floating studio, by building a house-like structure into her. In this craft he painted many of his best-known subjects, among them, "Home- wards," now in the Birmingham Gallery. The Smelt End Crabbers," "Alongshore Fisherman," and "Spearing Fish." For six years he sailed and worked in thel'andevclde, as he had christened his boat. The picturesque fishing villages on the wild Cornish coast were visited, and from the beach at Portscat.hoe, Sennen, and Land's End he executed several of his well-known pictures. A gale in 1888 brought the career of the Vandcveldc.to an end as a studio boat; but out of affection for her the artist had her rescued from the beach at St. Mawes, and dragged up to the garden of his house, whre she now serves as an adjunct to his large in- door studio. His present boat, the Vandcnncer, is a handsome yacht-like vessel, in which he has room enough to work on a six-foot canvas, and which is safe enough to take him anywhere along the Channel. From her windows he cau study the sea under its varied conditions and transfer his impressions direct to canvas, while they are under his eyes or still fresh in his mind. AN UNLUCKY PET.—While coasting in South African waters, says Robert Cochrane in Strange Pets on Shipboard," I had a monitor lizard as a pet, confined in a box. Fully five feet long from tip to tail, he £ W<$lled and tapered in the most perfect lines of beauty. Smooth, though scaly, and inky black, tartaned all over with transverse rows of bright yellow spots, with eyes that glittered like fire and teeth like quartz, with his forked tongue continually (lashing out from his bright red mouth, he had a wild, weird loveliness that was most uncanny. Mephistopheles, as the captain not inaptly called him, knew me and took his cockroaches from my hand, although perfectly frantic when any one else went near him. If a piece of wood, however hard, dropped into his cage it was instantly torn in pieces. One day. the steward, pale with fear, entered the ward-room and reported, The lizard escaped, sir, and yaflling [rending] the men!" I rushed on deck. The animal had torn his cage into splinters and declared war against all hands. Mak- ing for the fore hatchway he had seized a man by the jacket skirts. The man got out of the garment and fled faster than any British sailor ought to have done. On the lower deck Mephistopheles chased the cook from the coppers and the carpenter from his bench. A circle of liroomen were sitting mending a foresail; the lizard suddeuly appeared among them. The men unanimously threw up their toes, individually turned somersaults backward, and sought the four winds of heaven. These routed, my pet turned his attention to Peepie. Peepie was a little Arab slave lass. She was squatting by a calabush, eating rice. Mephistopheles seized her cummerbund; it was her only garment. But Peepie wriggled clear and ran on deck. On the cummerbund the lizard spent his fury, and the rest of his life; for, not knowing what might happen next. I sent for a fowling-piece, and the plucky fellow succumbed to the force of circum- stances a pipeful of buckshot. A CITY OF OIL.—A writer in Pearson's Magazint gives an interesting description of the Russian town of Baku, where the world's principal oil wells are to be found. Oil is the most important element in the lives of the natives of Baku. The town is lit with oil, the engines burn it in the form of liquid fuel, the inhabitants use it in soap and in salve, in hair-wash and pomade. And so great is the quantity that it bubbles up beneath the Caspian Sea, and floats about in the form of dark scum. The oil has dhanged the shape of everything; it has formed a new world of its own. The old plans of trains and steamships have disappeared, giving way to entirely new forms. The steamers, though seemingly the same from an exterior point of view, are internally metamorphosised. They contain a number of vast compartments, each isolated by water, in which th e oil is stored. There is quite a fleet of these vessels at the present time. To show how great is the development of the oil trade with these modern methods, it is interesting to note that, whereas in 1877 the output did not exceed. 167,411,576 pounds, the latest figures estimate itat 10,000,000,000 pounds. The majority of the wells have been in the hands of the Tartars whose plan of campaign is to cheat well and work badly. Not long ago a man, who was at one time a peasant, sold property of his for nearly a million pounds. In his younger days he had happened to be on the spot where the oil showed signs of bursting out, and anyone could see that there was money to be made there. He saw—there- fore he made money, and to-day he is a multi-mil- lionaire. Yet he cannot even sign his own name." THE MOST POPULAR HYMN.—A study of the prin- cipal hymns in use in this country and America lately undertaken has brought to light (says a writer in "Notes and Queries" in the Liverpool Post) some curious facts, testing the popularity of certain hymns. The collection shows that no less than 15 hymnals have a wide circulation among the English-speaking community, while another nine are specially arranged for children's services. The question immediately arises, how many hymns are common to the whole collection ? How many poets have been able to breathe into their productions such an amount of religious fervour that the result has commended it- self to all Sorts and conditions of men ? And the melancholy answer is that only one composition has been welcomed by all classes of worshippers. Here, then, is a question for all those who delight to answer conundrums. Name the one hymn that meets with universal approval, that gives expression to all shades of Protestant thought. It is very doubtful if any large proportion would give a correct answer for we imagine the general favourite is not such a well-known composition as All people that on earth do dwell," or Toplady's classic Rock of Ages." The prize does not go to that triumphant march Adeste Fideles," nor to Wesley's well-known lines Hark, the herald angels sing." All these are fair competitors, but they pale in popularity before Keble's "Son of my soul," which, judged by this test, is held in the highest asteerh. Here is a triumph for a High Churchman. He has known how to apply words to the thoughts that animate all classes and shades of religious opinion. His thoughts and expressions have recommended themselves to all who seek the consolations of religion, and own ita inspiring and edifriag influence. THE LAST or THE BUSHRANGERS.—Ned Kelly, as he was the last so assuredly was he the greatest of the bushrangers. At the beginning of his career he Avas chiefly distinguished as a -horse-thief. But with years his imagination increased, and as oihers had stuck-up farms or hotels, he determined to stick-up towns. Of course, he could not have succeeded in his enterprise had he not been admirably mounted, and had he not known the bush as well as the black- trippers themselves. To his knowledge he added a fearlessness which gave him an easy advantage over the people, to whom his name was already a terror. So he rifled banks and filled his pockets, and at last he was emboldened to stick-up Jerilderee, and to hold the town at the mercy of his gang for four whole days. How he succeeded is something of a puzzle, but his very name was an intimidation, and his mere bluster seems to have ensured his victory. But. the ruffian's hour came at last. In 1880 the gang was besieged at the Glenrowan Inn," and defeated after a spirited fight., Kelly himself, who wore a suit of armour, being shot in the legs. He recovered, how- ever, in time to be hanged, and his death wasthe end of bushranging. WOMEN IN THE KLONYDKE.—The chiva Iry of American men has received many testimonials from the woman whom a love for travel and adventure has led to try their fortunes in the Klondyke. A mining- camp is too apt to be no place for women, and a woman unprotected by hus band or brother might well have hesitated before running risks of insult. The event, however, proved the justice of the confi- dence of those who want. One woman, the corres- pondent of an important London paper, was on her way to Seattle when she met an old miner, and sought his advice. The man shook his head wisely. Im- possible," he said. But I must go," said his ques- tioner. I have started, and my paper is relying upon me. I am safe enough, for I have a revolver, and can use it." Wal," dtawled her adviser, seeing that you're a woman, if you want ter go, you'll go, but as to that air gun o' yourn, I'll give you a piece of advice. Don't shoot often; but when you do shoot, shoot quick." Such a precaution was anything but comforting, but the sequel proved that the revolver was of no more use to the traveller than if she bad been in Chicago or New Orleans. The co urtesy shown her was universal, and throughout her journey there was no man she met who would not go out of his way to do her a service. Prof. Angelo Heilprin, a fellow of the Royal Geographical Society, has a similar "good character" to give the miners of the Klondyke. Woman," he says is a privileged character in Dawson City. She has immediate entree into the depositories of mails, of records and of claims. Others may sit. or stand, awaiting their turn for days, in a row she walks in by the side door with an air of superiority which is as impressive as it is refresh- ing. She files her claim in the recorder's office with dignity, while her trousered rival, who may have staked five days earlier, is still studying the entrance from the outside." A FIRST CLASS FIGHTING MAN." — The world loves a picturesque figure. The world loves him in any walk of life, but in no walk more so than that of war. Such a man was Fred Burnaby, such a man was Morgan the raider, and such a man is Colonel R. S. S. Baden-Powell. With enterprise wboly characteristic, he has got himself into the position of gravest danger at the moment. He, too, is at the head of no body of machine-like Regulars, but has colleced round him a picturesque cluster of rough riders and hardy pioneers, men of the rolling veldtand rocky rnonn tainpasses, and, as far as we can tell at the moment of writing, he is waiting with that exhilarating confidence of a true- born fighter the onslaught of a foe far heavier in calibre than his rugged, big-hearted band of mounted irregulars. Baden-Powell believes in irregulars. He has always managed to lick his irregulars into the most regular shape in a short time, as those who come under his command know right well that if there is to be any fighting in that part of the hemisphere Baden-Powell is certain to be in it with both feet," he attracts to him the hardiest, most self-reliant volunteers that a country possesses. All the dare-devils that can by hook or by crook betake themselves to him hasten to do so, and are certain of seeing plenty of hard blows. For Baden-Powell glories in a fight, and has seen many. Colonel Baden-Powell is not only an all- round soldier, but a particularly versatile man. He writes as entertainingly as he fights splendidly, and he is an artist, at least of sufficient ability to himself to illustrate what he writes in a most pleasing and in- structive way. Everyone who had anything to do with the Matabele campaign in 1896 will remember the splendid work Baden-Powell did as chief staff officer to Sir Frederick Carrington. Strangely enough, it. was at Mafeking that he joined his chief and the other members of the staff, and com- menced his enthralling work of suppressing the Matabele, who, on that occasion, were indeed up and on the shoot, a-slingin' round their lead." During the campaign Baden-Powell wrote tip his diary of the events, and his own experienèeif day by day, illus- trating the amusing and dramatic scenes, and this Methuens published in a sumptuous volume. In this work the Colonel gives his first impressions of Mafe- king, and as his first sight of the place was only three years ago, the chances are that it is not vastiy changed. The Colonel says, Mafeking ? Well, there's a little tin (corrugated iron) house and a goods shed to form the station; hundreds of waggons and mounds of stores covered with tar- paulins, and on beyond a street and market square of low-roofed tin houses. Mafeking is at present the railway terminus. The waggons and the goods are waiting to go north to Matabeleland but here they're stranded for want of transport, since all the oxen on the road are dying fast of rinder- pest." Before the Colonel had finished with that long and bitter campaign practically every foot of ground from Mafeking to the Zambesi River became well known to him. Moreover, and what is now more to the purpose, he earned for himself a terrible name among the natives. He was such a restless character, he was in so many places all at one time as the natives thought, and he got out of so many desperately tight corners that by the time the campaign was half through the black sages and warriors fell into the healthy belief that Baden-Powell bore a charmed life, and they began to look upon him with a wholesome superstition. The hardy rough-riders, too, quickly saw that he was a man of daring and infinite resource, and they trusted him absolutely. THE PARTITION OF AFRICA.—When Stanley in 1880 returned to the Congo as the agent of the King of the Belgians, the modern phase of partition may be said to have begun though it was only after Germany entered the field in 1883 that the real scramble began, and by 1886 it may be said that the respective spheres of the Great European Powers' interests in Africa—England, France, Germany, and Italy, along with Belgium—were blocked out. The final partition has only been accomplished in 1899, by the last agreement between France and England, de- limiting their respective spheres in the Sahara and Soudan and on the Niger. But that is only the end of the preliminary stage; the pieces are now all on the board, and the real game is only beginning. What the end will be who can say? So far as square mileage goes France so far has fared best; her sphere covers nearly a third of the whole Con- tinent. England's share, even if Egypt and the Soudan are excluded, exceeds two millions of square miles, while Germany and Belgium claim about a ¡I million each. What is the economical value of the different spheres it is not easy to estimate. So far as suitability for European settlement goes, the British sphere south of the Zambesi is the most promising but apart from its gold, it is doubtful if its com- mercial value rein be rated very high. On the other hand, Egypt, much of the Soudan, the Niger territories, the Congo, and considerable areas of British East Africa, are capable of great development. Thelimits of that depend on the establishment of rapid and cheap means of communicating, and upon the possibility of white men being able to adapt themselves to the cli- matic conditions. In Algeria and Tunis, under proper guidance, France has a valuable commercial sphere, and much could be done with Morocco if the Power or Powers into whose hands it may fall know how to deal with it. What are the relations of the white man with the native, and what will be the part of the latter in the development of the Continent whose destinies have been taken out of his hands ? This is not the only racial question that has to be solved in the present and the future.—Dr. Scott Keltie's Introduction to British Africa." THE COCK THAT CREW ON THE FIRST OP JUNE.—- In the great sea-fight of the glorious first of June," the Marlborough, a ship of 74 guns, was surrounded by French vessels, and she suffered so severely that, being wholly dismasted and torn about the spars and rigging, with her captain and second lieutenant wounded, some of the crew began to talk of striking her colours. No, n said the first lieutenant, over- hearing them," I'll be d d if she shall ever surrender, and I'll nail her colours to the stump of her mast." The jaded seamen still looked dispirited, when a cock which had got free from its broken coop, suddenly perched on the stump of the mainmast, clapped his wings, and crowed aloud. As if by magic, the men immediately recovered their spirits and renewed the fight with such determination that she compelled one of their big assailants to haul down the tricolour, and in no small measure contributed to Lord Howe's famous victory.— World.
THE exuavagance of expression common to certain young ladies of an emphatic habit leads them into queer statements. For instance, here is the record, of a fragment of conversation between two girls: I was just dying to see it." Yes ?" Yes, and when I saw it it was perfectly killing." MOLLY Was it a case of love at first sight with him?" Dolly: Yes at first sight of the figures that represented her fortune/
I ART AXD LITERATURE. I THE ceremony of unveiling- the great altar screen of St. Albans Cfrthedrstf; whidh hAs'^usWbeen restored after two acquired (observes the G I :heY a • melancholy -interest from the fact that it took place not many hours after the death of the distinguished arghitOct whose careful supervision the sufeessfitl 'comptetioW of the work was due. Sir Arthur Blcmfield was called in by Lord A Id e n HS ni,' Svh oha d made himself msponsible for the cost-'br the restoration, to"'adv>s^'as to the best way of giving back to this exquisite archi- tectural example Its departed glories, and had devoted to what^sl^ a'fliditJJ OoApiicated under- taking an immense "amount of thought and ingenuity. He was to have been present at the ceremony which celebrated his final triumph over many difficulties. Although this restoration has been carried out with the strictest regard for the character of the original work, it has given many opportunities to the artists engaged upon it. "The great figure of Christ, in the centre of the screen, and the many accessory figures which fill the niches, have been admirably executed by Mr. Harry Hems, of Exeter, and his two sons; and the marble panel above the altar has been carved by Mr. Alfred Gilbert. In this panel, which represents Christ rising from the tomb, use has been made of coloured inlay in the accessory figures, and some of the surfaces have been faintly tinted. The effect, however, is quiet and dignified, and thoroughly in keeping with the grandeur of the motive. IT is nearly 200 years since John Gay's "Trivia: or, the Art of Walking the Streets of London," was published, yet there is much in it, we observe, in the pocket edition just published, that is still pertinent. Manners, however, have changed. Says Gay: If the strong cane support thy walking hand, Chairmen no longer shall the wall command, Ev'n sturdy carmen shall thy nod obey, And rattling coaches stop to make thee way." But to-day, such has been the growth of indepen- dence, or such is the ease with which summons for assault can now be taken, out, a wayfarer with a stick has no better chance of crossing Cheapside than a wayfarer without one. Someone should take Trivia in hand and bring it to date. MR. J. M. BARRIE'S new novel, the sequel to Sentimental Tommy," will run serially in Scribner's Magazine, before it is published as a book. The title chosen is Tommy and Grizel." MR. R. KEARTON'S new work, Our Rarer British Breeding Birds: their Nests, Eggs, and Summer Haunts," will be published at the end of the present month by Messrs. Cassell and Company. The work will contain about 70 illustrations from photographs taken direct from nature by Cherry Kearton. IT seems a pity'(says the Globe) that no arrange- ments can be made to continue the Sunday opening of the National Gallery and National Portrait Gallery during the winter months. As things are ordered at present neither of these institutions will be opened again on Sundays until the spring of next year, and a great many people will, during this period, be deprived of practically their only oppor- tunities of visiting the galleries. Of course the reason for the cessation of Sunday opening at this time of year is to be found in the difficulty perienced by the authorities in devising a safe and efficient way of lighting the rooms so as to make the pictures visible on dark afternoons; and so long as there is any risk inevitable from the use of artifical light it is impossible not to approve of a policy which, though inconvenient, is dictated by con- sideration for the safety of the collections. But it ought to be practicable to discover some way out of the difficulty, and it would be good news to hear that the question was being carefully thought out with a view to changes being made that would bene- fit a large number of people. AMON £ the many anecdotes contained in the Life of Millias," is the following, which, though no doubt perfectly authentic, bears a strong family likeness to many well-known yarns. Thackeray told an amusing story of Carlyle, how that he had spent a day in the reading-room of the British Museum and had given a great deal of trouble to one of the officials, sending him up and down ladders in search of books to satisfy his literary tastes, and how, on leaving the room he had gone up to the man and told him that it might be some satisfaction to him to know that he had obliged Thomas Carlyle, and that the official had answered him, with a bland smile and the usual washing of hands in the air, that the gentleman had the advantage of him, but that probably they might have met at some mutual friend's house. He had never heard of Thomas Carlyle." Such tales remind one of Shirk, of the Eafatl-swill Independent, and his protest that his name elicited no repsonsive feeling in the torpid bosoms of the masses. They also re- call the story of Dickens himself, probably without foundation, to the effect that, on landing from the Channel steamer, he walked through the crowd on Boulogne Pier, saying at intervala, I am Dickens." MESSRS. CASSELL AND COMPANY will shortly publish a new work entitled "The Death or Glory Boys The Story of the 17th Lancers," by D. H. Parry, author of Britain's Roll of Glory," Ac. In this volume Mr. Parry follows the career of the regiment from the time when it came into existence—just after the death of Wolfe at Quebec—down to the present day. TOE statue of Mr. Gladstone, which has been exe- cuted by Mr. Adams Acton for the Gladstone Memorial Committee at Blackburn, has been un- veiled, as reported, by Lord Aberdeen. It is an effec- tive piece of work, representing the great Liberal statesman in an attitude which was characteristic of him in moments of animation, and it has a good deal of energy and vigour. Another Gladstone statue, that which Mr. Hamo Thornycroft has been com- missioned to produce for Glasgow, is making pro- gress. It is to stand in George-square, one of the open spaces in that city; and promises to be an im- portant addition to the, series of memorials of Mr. Gladstone whichareg set np by his admirers throughout the country. SOME fresh additions have been lately made to the collection in the Tate Gallery. Sir Henry Tate has presented the reiparkable waterTColour drawing The Violin Concerto," by the late John Gulich, which was at thejgafieries of the Royal Institute of Painters in Water-Colours in 1898, and a notable landscape, St. Michael's Mount," by James Webb, has been hung in of the rooms. Mr. W. R. Colton's statue, The Girdle," which was bought last spring by the trustees of the Chantry Fund, is also on view in the gallery? Steady progress is being made with thewor- of glazing the.pictures, a very necessary process in an atmosphere like that of London, which soon plays havoc even with oil-paintings unless they are protected with glass. HEK" MAJESTY THE QCKHN has been graciously pleased to accept a copy of the number of Sunday Chimes, containing an article on "The 'Red Cross." MR. A. WALLACE RIJIINGTON, whose water-colour drawings of The Mediterranean and Adriatic Boruor Lands are on' view in the galleries of the Fine Art Society, is no stranger to London art- lovers. He has before given evidence of the posses- sion of a yory agreeable capacity as an artist and of discriminating taste in the selection of paintable material; and in the present exhibition be adds to the good impression made by his previous shows. His inclination runs in the direction of delicate colour combinations and subtleties of atmospheric effect; but he can on occasions deal successfully with strong arrangements and effective contrasts. The collection includes 130 drawings representing scenery of varied types a.nd subjects of distinctly diverse character, and maintains a quite satisfactory level of craftsmanship throughout, AN exhibition which will be opened by the Fine Art Society in London almost immediately promises to be of very much more than ordinary interest. It will consist of a group of drawings and studies by Mr. L. Raven Hill, an artist whose work has always the fascination of ingenious invention and quaint treatment. The drawings will be mostly of a humorous nature, illustrations of modem life set down with that racy expressiveness which makes Mr. Raven Hill the legitimate successor to Charles Keene, and, though the bulk of them will be in black and white, some will have the added interest of colour slightly Buggested. The Fine Art Society hav habitually given prominence to the work of moiA'i-u illustrators, so that this exhibition will be quite in keeping with the traditions of their galleries.
IF a man owned the earth his life would be made miserable by people asking him to do repairs. RUIIMOHR I have just met Bray he's dreadfully angry with you." Okie: "What about?" Ruhmohr He says you called him a well-meaning idiot ?" Okie: There must be some mistake; I can't remember saying well-meaning. HUGHENDBN AND DISRAELI.—The enlargement of Hughenden Manor is, no doubt, the natural, if not the inevitable, consequence of the marriage of Mr. Coningsby Disraeli. Yet one regrets that the modesty I of the mansion in which the grandiose statesman i spent his happiest hours is lost thereby. He himself, ¡ man of contracts as he was, loved the littleness of the place. All the greatness was in the associations, and particularly in that visit paid to him there by the Queen—a visit to which the greatest houses in Bucks could not aspire. If you cannot rival Stowe, and if i you must be proud of something, you may as well put J your pride in the very narrowness of your domain. Lord Beaconsfield did this with particular success. Excuse the vanity of a landed proprietor," he used to say when he showed his few fields to men who owned immense territories. Hughenden will become more commonplace as it becomes more prosperous.— | 4eademg. j
SCIENCE NOTES. (From" Wurl\") OZONK may be produced by rapidly passing a cur- rent of fluorine through water almost, at freezing pont. The oxygen set free is found to contain sometimes as much as 14 per cent. of ozore. To remove varnish or polish from wood is a tedious job if scraper and glass paper rra used. A better method is to apply liquid ammonia, allow a short time for the varnish to soften Mid peel, and then to rub off with a stiff brush. ARTIFICIAL paving stones are made in Germany by mixing coal tar with sulphur; the mixture is then warmed and chlorate of lime is added. On cooling, the mass is broken into small pieces, mixed with gllts or blast-furnance glass slag, and then pressed to the form desired. PARTIXIUM is an alloy of aluminium and tungsten, and whilst it is much cheaper than the former metal, it is nearly as light and is said to possess greater resistive qualities. Cast partinium has a specific gravity of 2 89; when rolled, the specific gravity is the elongation varying from 6 to 8 per cent. The new alloy is being large y employed on the Con- tinent, and especially in France, where it is used for all parts of motor cars. Fon the parabolic reflectors of searchlights a glass convex mould has deposited on it by a chemical pro- cess a film of metallic silver. This latter is polished and the whole is then placed in a suitable support and immersed in an electrolyte of copper sulphate. The mould is rotated in a horizontal position at the rate of 15 revolutions per minute, and under the action of the current the copper adheres to the silver coating, thus forming the reflector, which is then de- tached from the glass mould by placing the latter in cold water and gradually heating it to 120deg. F. Owing to the unequal expansion of the glass and the metal, the reflector comes away, its concave surface having all the brilliant polish of the glass. As it easily tarnishes, it is then given a protective coating of palladium. THE Morley F!etcher sound-producing buoy has a lower, cylindrical portion about 5ft. in diameter sup- porting the machinery and gear above it. Beneath this are carried the mooring gear, the. hydrometer tube, and the submerged table. In the overhead cowl is a double-acting pump, which forces air into the buoy at each rise and fall of the waves, no matter how small the movements may be. At the base of the hydrometer is a table or submerged resistance, and the air is compressed into a chamber within the buoy. On the left of the horizontal bulkhead, a small engine liberates the air and causes it to pass upwards to the horn by which the blast is produced, The gear, driven by the stored air, operates a balance valve, which allows the air to pass to the horn at intervals of one minute. This part is capable of many modifications by which the horn could be blown more or less frequently, or could give a cer- tain number of notes of long or short duration at each blast. Extra air pressure obtained when the sea is rough is allowed to go to waste by means of a release valve. AN electrically-driven cable railway is a new form of mountain railway patented in Germany. The cars will be suspended from rollers supported by ropes stretched overhead between a succession of stations. The tensile strength of a steel cable of 25 millimetres diameter suspended between two points 1000 metres apart over a gradient of 50 per cent. is 2000 kilo- grammes. The weight of a car containing 12 pas- sengers is about the same, and so by employing 20 such cables 20-fold security is obtained. The endless steel cable would be driven by electricity, and as it is not considered safe to have a greater distance than 1000 metres between the supports, intermediate stations would be provided where the passengers would change cars. It is supposed that about seven minutes would be occupied in traversing each of the 1000 metres sections at that rate the highest peak of the Alps could be ascended in less than 30 minutes. The inventor says that he could build such a railway at one-third the cost of an ordinary rail- way, but nothing beyond a model has yet been at- tempted. COUNT ZEPPELIN'S navigable baloon, now being built in Germany, it is believed, will have a cylin- drical body 420ft. long by 37ft. diameter. The body will have an aluminium frame, having a weight of 72601b., so as to secure the requisite stiffness to with- stand the end pressure previous navigable balloons, it is reported, have been deficient in this strength. Inside the structure will be 17 gas-bags which will provide the requisite lifting power. Netting will be stretched across the inside and outside of the aluminium stringers; inside the netting will take the pressure of the gas-bags, whilst outside it will sup- port a covering of oiled silk, which will give a smooth exterior to the balloon and protect the gas-bags from injury. The air space between the two nets will diminish the effect of changes of temperature on the gas. Four screw propellers, each 3ft. 6in. in dia- meter and attached to the balloon, are to be run at a high velocity by an engine of which no particulars are given. It is supposed that with a crew of five men the navigable balloon will have a surplus buoy- ancy of from 30001b. to 40001b. THE long life of enclosed arc lamp carbons as compared with those of open arcs is due to the pre- vention of combustion by a removal of the oxygen from the space immediately surrounding the arc. The oxygen is not literally removed by exhaustion, but by a process of chemical conversion brought about by the action of the arc itself. The carbons are surrounded by a small glass globe closed at the base and having an opening at the top only large enough to allow the free passage of the upper carbon. On the formation of an arc, the air contained within the globe is heated and rarefied, the surplus escap- ing through the upper opening. The remaining oxygen is reduced by combustion with the carbon to carbon monoxide (CO); this is a gas somewhat lighter than air, having a specific gravity and whilst being itself combustible, it will not support ccmbustion. This gas, together with the nitrogen that is liberated, completely fills the chamber and prevents further combustion ofthe carbon, although a very small amount, of air diffuses through the opening. This condition is essential to satisfactory operation, as otherwise the vaporised carbon would condense in the form of a sooty deposit on the inner surface of the globe. This deposit is prevented by the oxygen of the air which enters uniting with this vapour and forming a gas. Silicon is very slightly deposited, but this absorbs the light but to a very small extent, and can be easily wiped off when the lamp is trimmed. THE electrical equipment of the steelworks in South Chicago, and belonging to the Illinois Steel Company, approaches as near to completeness as possible. In the open-hearth department there are motors aggre- gating 1200 horse-power, whilst motors giving 600 horse-power are in each of the plate and slab mills. Not only is electrical energy employed by travelling cranes for handling the ladles and shifting heavy material, but it is also used to operate changing cars and ingot lifts and to shift tables in the slab mill. There are also motor-driven transfer tables for giving direction to the billets. Even the metal from the furnaces is discharged into the moulds by the aid of electric motors. More interesting are the magnetic lifts and trolleys employed in the plate mill, where, of course, the cranes are exceedingly heavy, four of them being required to handle 75 tons. The material is moved much more quickly by electro-magnets than by chains and hooks. The largest lifting device has seven electro-magnets attachad by chains to a long beam which is suspended by wire ropes from over- head travelling trolleys; these are propelled along the run by a motor-driven drum. This set of magnets picks up plates weighing 10,0001b. and transports them as required, dropping them in con- venient proximity to the plate shears. Plates 8ft. wide, 40ft. long, and from 5-16in. to l £ in. thick are readily handled, but hot plates impair the lifting power of the magnets and damage their windings. A NEW electric lighter for gas engines differs-from igniters in not depending on the strength of the current alone for the production of the spark. Into the cylinder or firing chamber of the apparatus is screwed a plug, on top of which is an electro-magnet connected with an insulated post which carries a fixed electrode projecting beyond the bottom of the plug, and which is tipped with platinum. The magnet core ends outside the plug, and its purpose is to attract an armature on the end of a rocker arm; the latter extends through the cylinder, and carries the other platinum contact point. On the magnet being energised, the armature is attached and the contact points separated, thus making a spark direct from the current. An instant later, the induced spark from the electro-magnet follows. When the current is broken, the armature is re- tracted by a spring and the contact points close. The rocker arm is packed with powdered graphite, which makes a self-lubricating and gas-tight joint. A cam of the engine to which the igniter is attached makes and breaks contact to operate the magnets, which are energl&ed by a magneto generator on the engine; this generator is cheaper, more easily kept in order, and more reliable for continuous use than a primary battery, whilst the independence of ratio between spark and current allows the use of weak currents to obtain large sparks. A shunt and push button enables the igniter to be operated by hand when large qqgines are being started.
POST FREE. :¡:' ¡¡. ,!t en"'> T -t ;md most valuable work on ATROPHY ftrid VAP. COGELE, by Xl.lA. with "^■ial clumters on the e.vr-lfuiati'ni of Vital Secrets, and the certain CURE OF Pro«t™ti<.• i. DEBILITY and DECAY. This work i¡¡ Mie purest gii l(le in ESSENTIAL MATTEF-C, and treats in an exhaustive manner the subject of the if disease* which emanate I" itl abuses of all kinds, as well as those which through no fault of tiie sufferer. A few j, the ailments which the work treats of are Exhausted Vitality, Spermatorrhea. Youthfi:! !prudence. Lost Manhood, Premature Decay, I)-'s]i:i:;<lt*!icy, Loss of Lneryy, Weakness, (t;e, Dimness of Sight., Brain Fag, -Ne: %-ous- lllirtclies on the Skin, Loss of Memory, Melancholy, Noises in the Ears, Liver Complaints, l«!;<ii'!»-r and Kidney Complaints, and every to" of disease peculiar to the Urinary Organs. It should he read by everyone, and will he f¡¡nll" "f inestimable value. Its compilation is the result of many years' experience in the treatment of these diseases, and the author is sure that it will be found a complete treatise on these digressing ailments. Write for a copy to-day, and I will send one FREE OF CHARGE. Address: Sargeon," 7 Bristol Gardens. Brighton, Sussex, England. Name this paper.
AMERICAN HUMOUR. i I.-U BILLINGS WROTE :—The man who is allwiiEs pre- • d for good or badluk, and treats them bo. ii alike, •r ;i hero. I beleave all thoze who hav made themseil's ( ■ nion enemys ov mankind have died a violent 'I. r "ke away the fear ov the law, and I would rath.-r v amung the howling beasts ov the dessert than tfr mankind. e obituary notiss ov menny an old man iz only 1,] John Doe, died, aged 64 years." v;i>ecialtys are what wins in this world. A Jak at rrades ix like a man with fleas all over him—he iz c". jizzy with the fleas to do enny thing well. 1";1 will often see grate learning and folly cluss ■:>•:<-ther; for he who sees grate things plainly iz often to see little things dimly. The fear ov the rod iz more powerful than the use ot it. Truth iz simple—so simple that the phoolish often mistake it for weakness. Happy az a klam." iz a very common comparison, but it aliways struk me az being rather klam my. If a man could git rid ov himself, solitude would he a good place for menny cv us to go to. The devil allways keeps the gide boards that leads :0 hiz dominions fresh lettered and in good order. Thare are no people who git snubbed oftener than thoze who are allways sticking their nozes into uturity. Don't antisipate trubbles: if we will only wait until they cum, we kan dodge halff ov them, and the other naif may dodge us. He who forgivs another forgivs himself, for we are all ov us gilty ov about the same kind ov sins. Thare iz sutch a thing az being too aktive in biza- neas thare iz a certain kind ov lazyness that often sukceeds the best. The basest kind ov servitude iz to be obliged to Garter thoze whom we kan't help but dispize. Diffikultys are like spooks-when yu cum to run them down, they don't amount to mutch. Bold men are generally desperate, and timid ones are allwuss weak. I never hav cum akrost a man yet so modest who didn't think he waz entitled to all the fame he pussesst, and, if ennything, a little more. I hav seen people whom I thought were alltogetber too pious to be happy, or to let other folks be. Thare iz nothing more skarse than originality, and thare iz nothing that each person thinks iz so plenty. Common report (I am not acquainted with the person individually) is one ov the gratest liars the world haz ever produced; and yet Common Report haz been known to tell the truth when it could not be got at in enny other way. If a man suckceeds, yu kan find hundreds ov people who predikted it; and if he fails, the same ones pre- dikted that, too. Nature haz given birth to more horrid monsters ov men than she ever haz ov beasts or reptiles. Thare are but fulpeple whomever git ritch enuff to enjoy their welth. A COOLNESS, growing out of the following con- versation, has sprung up between Jones and Smith. I had a splendid time last night," said Jones. "I spent the evening at a little social gathering at the Goodman mansion." Are the Goodmans nice people?" queried Smith. Well, I should say so. They are very aristocratic. To get into their circle one must either have a great deal of money or a great deal of genius." You don't tell me so And you say you were there ?" Yes." 11 You were invited, were you ?" Of course." And to be invited a man has to have plenty of money or a great deal of genius?" Precisely.' Well, Jones, I am very glad to heafr you have become rich all of a sudden. Lend me five dollars "WHILE I was away,"said Mrs. Trotter, who had just returned from Europe, I attended a great many parties, but the most enjoyable was a mas- querade at Paris. That handsome Mr. Spiffins was there." What costume did he wear ?" He went in the garbage of a monk." iiv sweetheart gave me a pair of silver-backed brushes that cost 25dol." Were you mean enough to go and price them ?" No; but I had to pawn them." JOHNSON has quit playing poker, I notice." "Yes; he said that his wife cried about it so that he gave it up." Ah, I see! Game called on account of rain." THE hen-roosts of the little village of Luxemburg, just south of Carondelet, were systematically and persistently robbed, and the coloured population of New Memphis grew fat and looked prosperous until several farmers from out in Pennsylvania moved into the neighbourhood. Shortly after this Captain Sam Boyd, then of the First Police District, met an old negro, and the following conversation passed between them. Row are times down in the country," asked the captain. Porely, sah, porely." What is the cause ?" It's de comin' o' dese Pennsylvania Dutch, sah." "How did they cause hard times?" "By t'arin' down all de ole smoke-houses and chicken- houses, sah." Why did that make any difference ?" What ? Why did dat make any difference ? Sah, da tore down de log houses and put up brick houses, with locks on de doar. Da needn't be so particular. Nobody wasn't goin'to steal nothin' "My good woman," said the clergyman to the sorely tried woman, did you ever try heaping coals of fire on your husband's head ?" No, your river- ence, but Oi've thrown a lighted lamp at him once or twice." FIRST YODiG ATTORNEY: You seem to be very much attached to Miss Goodcatch." Second Young Attorney: Well, she owns 300 acres of land. That's sufficient grounds for an attachment, isn't it ?" IT is better to laugh than cry," said the young girl, brightly. Not if you're trying to manage a husband," said the woman. Miss SPKLLCM wears all her best clothes down to the office. Is she in love with anybody there ?" No, but she says it scares her employer so he doesn't give her much work to de." THAT new ladies' magazine proved a complete failure." Did it ? What was the cause ?" Why, it was called the Age of Woman, and, of course, that's something the women don't want to come out." I WANT a Turkish bath," said the patron. Yes, sir," politely replied the new clerk, late of Joblotz's department store, will you take it with you, or shall we send it?" I LID to hear a servant girl sing at her work. It shows a good disposition." "Not always. I think our girl sings because she has a grudge against us." THERE is one story which every woman has told so often that she believes it herself." What is that ?" The story about some rich man whom she could have married." WAS he driven to drink?" "Well, not exactly. He useu to carry a bottle under the seat of the auto- mobile." "TRUE was a queer thing about that prise fight last night." "What was it?" "The fighter who was knocked out didn't announce when he recovered that he was the victim of a chance blow."
USEFUL HiNTs.-Never iron black cotton stockings, as the heat fades them rapidly. Dry them in the shade. If soot is accidentally dropped on a carpet, cover it thickly with salt. it may then be swept up without spoiling the carpet. When you wish to re- move a broken window-pane, heat the poker, and run it slowly along the old putty, in order to soften it. Macaroni is a good substitute for potatoes, and should be used more than it is, especially in the Bpring, when potatoes are old. To make sweeping- brooms last, putthem for three minutes in hot suds once a week. Then let them stand with the bottom end up- TO CLEAN DAEK CURTAINS.—Curtains of really good material can generally be washed satisfactorily, provided they are put into a soapy lather and no soap is rubbed actually on them. In the case of green ones, add ox-gall to the water instead of soap. For dark silk-lined curtains grate a pound of potatoes to a pulp, add to them a pint of water, well stir, and sieve through a coarse sieve. let 'stand till the liquor on top is clear, pour it off gently so as not to disturb the sediment, and sponge the curtains, first with this, and afterwards with a cloth wrung out of cold water, and iron through a damp cloth. It is best to try this spong- ing mixture on a small comer befors tka whole curtain.