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¡ttt5 zrnb -f, ancies.! -----

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¡ttt5 zrnb -f, ancies. The new Queen of Madagascar's name, being in- terpreted, means Cloud-full-of-water. Long may she rain! If there is one time more than another when a woman should be entirely alone, it is when a full line of clothes comes down in the mud. German Friend. De bicture you haf bainted is Host putiful; dere is only von vord in de English language vich describes it, and I—haf forgotten it." Tne economical side of a woman's character shines econ with radiance when she succeeds in fastening an eighteen-inch belt on a twenty-two-inch waist. Vill vou dake something ?" said a Gernaan tee- totaller to a friend, while standing near a tavern. I don't care if I do," was the reply. "Veil, den, let us dake a valk." "Who," said a member of the Canadian House of Commons, to the members who were trying to choke him off- who brayed there ?" It was an echo," re- torted a member, amid a yell of delight. What relation is a loaf of bread to a steam-engine ? %ead is a necessity. A steam-engine is an invention. Necessity is the mother of invention therefore a loaf °f bread is the mother to a steam-engine. A newly-married lady was telling another how her husband could write. Oh, you should A newly.married lady was telling another how aieely her husband could write. Oh, you should Just see some of his loveletterb. Yes, I know," was the freezing reply I've got ever so many of 'em in Hiy clggjj A countryman was sowing his grouud when two smart fellows rode by. One of them called out. with an insolent air, Well, my good man tis your husinfiss to sow. but we reap the fruits of your labour rustic replied, Tis very like you may, for just ^w I am sowing hemp." A showman in the state of Maine wanted to exhibit 1l Egyptian mummy, and attended at the court-house ^o obtain permission. "What is it you want to show?" Squired the judge. "An Egyptian mummy more than three thousand years old," said the showman. "Three thousand years old exclaimed the judge, limping to his feet. "And is the critter alive ?" A man who, from his youth upwards, had been lead- ing a most irregular life, suddenly ended his bachelor Career bv marrying a widow worth £ 40,000. Don t imao-iae." said he to one of his friends, that I am simply marrying for money. If she had had only ^20,000, I should have married just the same." Mary, I do not approve of your entertaining your sweetheart in the kitchen," said a lady to her servant. c; Well, ma'am, it's very kind of you to mention it; hut he is from the country, you see, ma'm, and I'm afraid he's too shy and orkard in his manners, ma'm, for you to like him to come up into the parlour," replied Mary. THE SCHOLAR'S WIFE. To a deep scholar said his wife- Would that I were a book, my life On me you then would sometimes look But I should wish to be the book That you would mostly wish to see. Then say what volume should I be "An almanac," said he my dear You know we change them every year." Mr Peet. a rather diffident man, was unable to pre- Vent himself being introduced one evening to a fasci- nating voung lady, who, misunderstanding his name instantly addressed him as Mr Peters, much to the gentleman's distress. Finally summoning courage, he "ishfully, but earnestly, remonstrated "Oh, don t call me Peters-call me Peet." Ah, but I don't know J'ou well enough, Mr Peters," said the young lady Pushing, as she playfully withdrew part way behind her fan. r i STRICTLY BUSINESS.—" Oh, pa, there is an awful %ht around the corner." Yes," said pa, indiffer- ently. And one man has chewed the other's ear oif. "Yes" "And the other man has shot off his pistol aQd "killed a baby." "Poor baby," yawned pa. Ain't you going round there ? Presently," said he. In a short time everything became quiet, and pa fuslied frantically around the corner, and arrested a "ttle bov, who was playing with his hoop. Pa was a Policeman. His DISAPPOINTMENT.—A countryman, upon coming t° see the sights, was taken by an Edinburgh friend to the theatre. When the lights were down, and the Ptay had commenced, he was offered the use of an opera-class. Examining it as closely as the darkness the place would admit, he placed it to his mouth turned it upwards. Finding that no liquid was coming out of it, he handed it back in despair, saying, It's empty, John there's no' a single drap in 't." An eccentric old gentleman who had married, as his fcecond wife, a hoydenish young creature of seventeen, Entertained & party of gentlemen one afternoon and was chagrined by the non-appearance of his ^rlish spouse. Upon inquiring he ascertained that She was in the carden. and thereupon invited his guests Out to be introduced to her. As they rose to accept th6 invitation, his son, a lad of fourteen, exclaimed, Don't do it, dad Why not ?" he asked angrily, j Because," returned the boy half apologetically, she's up a cherry tree." A PUZZLE FOR A FOREIGNER. Wife, make me some dumplings of dough They are better than meat for my cough Prav let them be boil'd till hot through, But"not till they're heavy or tough. Now, I must be off to the plough, And the boys, when they've had enough, Must keep the flies off with a bough, While the black mare drinks at the trough, For he almost stuck fast in the slough, Till his harness I made him to slough. EXAMINATION BLUNDERS.—The following biography the patriarch Abraham, was furnished by a boards School bov who was competing for one of Mr Peek s He was the father of Lot, suscl had two es..0n-e was called Ishmale, and the other H-igur- .'1 kept one at home, and he turned th« other into the 7.essert. where she became a pillow of salt in the daj .^le and a pillow of tire at night." The grave and Comprehensive simplicity of this tale is <jrK>ite impres- *u'e. Ecu ally attractive is the life of Meeee, as pre- ^nted by another board school boy ffie was an rSyptian. He lived in a ark made of buRrtishers, and e kept a golden calf and worshiped braizen snakes, et nothing but kwales and manna for forty years. was caught by the hair of his head v/hile riding nder the bough of a tree, and he was tilled by hie 8011 Absalor.i as he was hanging from the bough. His ^vvas pease." j

I LONDON GOSSIP.

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DR. R. D. ROBERTS ON HIGHER…

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