Skip to main content
Hide Articles List

14 articles on this Page

(Bur bonbon CoutspouicnL

THE PROPOSED VISIT OF CETYWAYO…

CROP PROSPECTS IN THE UNITED…

,OIL ON BREAKING SEAS.

[No title]

v OUR BRONZE COINAGE.

OPENING OF A PUBLIC PARK FOR…

A MODERN ARCADIA.

THE RELATIONS BETWEEN CAPITALI…

THE DEPRECIATION OF OUR GOLD…

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

News
Cite
Share

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS. "The meanest job I ever undertook," said a Colorado man, was that of apologizing to a widow on behalf of a vigilance committee which had hanged her husband by mistake. It was hard to find just the excuse that would satisfy her." A trusted friend may be a good thing in his way, but if the trusted business is allowed to go too far it is mighty liable to bust the bank." Mary, many lives are fully described by this pithy dispatch sent from the West to a Wall-street specu- lator "The gold mine which you bought turns out to be a lead one The editor of a Western paper suggests that persons sending in big eggs will please accompany them by several ordinary-sized ones, not for publication, but as a guarantee of good faith. A Spanish proverb has it that Man is the child of his own deeds." The American version should be Man is often the slave of his own mortgages," A Wisconsin woman who was lost in the woods for three days, said she didn't suffer so very much, but was greatly annoyed by her absence of mind in not bring- ing along a small looking glasrc. Next time you shiver at having a tooth pulled, think of Joseph Brooks of Colorado, He lay still and let a bear gnaw his arm off, and thereby saved the rest of his body. Come to read the paragraph again, it was a wooden arm but Joseph was not to blame for that. The father of a St. Louis bride presented his son- in-law with eighty thousand bead of cattle. Papa, dear," exclaimed his daughter when she heard of it, that was so kind of you to make such a gift Charley's awfully fond of ox-tail soup "A man would be a heap better off ef he was as perticler 'bout do whiskey he drinks as he is 'bout de water," remarks an observant old darkey. A pretentious person said to the leading man of a country village, "How would a lecture by me on Mount Vesuvius suit the inhabitants of your village?" Very well, sir, very well indeed," he answered "a lecture by you on Mount Vesuvius would suit them a great deal better than a lecture by you in this village, sir." An Indian teacher was instructing his class in natural history. "To what class of birds does the hawk belong ? he asked. To the birds of prey," was the reply. And to what class do quail belong ?" There was a pause. The teacher repeated the ques- tion, Where does the quail belong ? On toast," yelled out the hungry boy at the foot of the class. A ragged New York bootblack looking very gloomy, last week was crying, "Shine yer boots; shine'em up for a. cent." He got a customer, who asked him why he only asked a cent. "Because Im hungry," he said. He got a quarter for shining that pair of boots. Oh, he caught you, did he, said a bystander, "You're the third man he's hooked already." And the boy was setting his face into a glooKiy look to trap another victim. In getting out of a tram-car he happened to stum- ble over the foot of a young lady who was sitting next the door. The damsel, com pressing her brow into an awe-inspiring frown, ejaculated, "You clumsy fellow!" Many men would have looked foolish and apologised, but this one was equal to the occasion. My dear young lady," he exclaimed, "you should have feet large enough to be seen, and then they wouldn't be trodden upon.

[No title]

IJtrscdlaroints Jtrfelltgmtt

JOTTINGS FOR THE CUR]