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[IAN ARTISTS JOKE, j

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[IAN ARTISTS JOKE, j J BY M. E. T. (ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.) L < I never Bee a specimen of the old barn-door jityie of painting—those startling imitations of violins, dollar bills, playing cards, hunting boras, 'old hats, and the like, painted on an equally start- ling imitation of an old barn door," said a New York artist, that I do not recall how Pop White happened to sign tha pledge. Pop White kept —and keeps—a tavern in a little backwoods Pen- 371vanist town, a popular stopping place for troat fishermen, artist*, and banters, the troating being excellent, the scenery exquisite, a.nd same plenti- ful. The tavern was popnlar, although the land- lord was a gronty, grumpy, taciturn fellow, all of which might have been excused by his fellow- citizens who frequented his bar-room if he bad not possessad, in their opinion, that utterly un- pardonable characteristic, the invariable habit of thinking alone. The landlord's groutiness and generally disagreeable natare mado him all the more interesting to most of his guesta from Abroad, especially to artist4, who doted on using bis qualities witboat 3tint for the amnsemeot of .IbemnlW M& others. He was not only addicted to drinking alone, but to drinking early and often, so that be never went to bed sober. Even that home disaipation did not entirely satisfy hish intervals he went on what he called fishing or hunting trips, which lasted from three days to a week, and were simply sprees. The first thing that the landlord nsed to do On coming dowc in the morning, which was promptly at balf-past 7, was to brew himself a glass of rum and tansy, On a. post at tha entrance to hia bar he kept hanging on a nail his tansy masher, the little wooden pestle once an indis- pensable appurtenance of tho backwoods bar, when everybody drank sugar or tansy or mint in his liquor. The landlord was very methodical, and if he ever found that" tansy masher out of its place or something else banging on its nail he Waxed extremely wroth, and let people know it. Artist visitors were in the habit of taking advan- tage of this trait by now and then displacing the tansy masher and .substituting something else for it. A big key, to which was attached a large triangntar piece of tin by a stout wire ring, was another feature cf the tavern. Its place was on a nail in a post that supported the bur-room ceiling. It was this key that mischievous artists best loved to hang upon the tansy masher nail, and nothing excited the ire of the landlord more than to finj it there. He would pounce upon it as a hawk tt ht swoop down on a chicken, yank it off the VecompanyiDg the raid with loud and dire Ceance upon the person who placed the key re, and theu hurl the key out of a window, if window was raised, or through the window if .vss,down-invariably going out, by-and-bye, King the key up, and returning it to its 3per place on the post. ".When he came down in the morning the land tord always wore a high hat, which certainly had- been in commillsion not less than 20 years. This he kept on his bead while preparing and until after he bad drunk hia matutinal ram and tansy. Then he doffed it, bcashed it carefully with bis sleeve and took it to the olbee:side of the bar- room, where a long nail protruded from the wall, as high ap as he could reach, and oa that D::il he hung the revered dicer. The next move waa to walk to the back end of the bar-room, where he kept an otd, narrow-rimmed slouch hat, originally grey,but transformed by time and wear into vari- ous hues and tfnts. This hat he would take down and put on, and then go out and inspect the bain, the pigpen, the chickens, and so on. This routine never varied year in and year out, except when the methodical landlord was absent on his sport- ing tripe. Among the artists who used to make that rare Old tavern their headquarters daring the vacation season ysars ago was a young Philadalphian, who was the greatest wag I ever knew, and who was certainly the cleverest person at the tricks of this batndoor painting that ever tried them on. lle was an absolute genius in that line, so mach so that more times than one have I been fooled by some waggish bit of work of his. Bat he scorned that great gift of .bis, and made it serve him only as a means to carry out some joke of his devising. He might have made fame and fortune from it, bat he was in for high art, and high alone, in his profession, and stuck to it until be died. I forget Which oneot, hto Iriends it was that buried him. To this young artist "our gouty and eccentric landlord was a constant pleasure. The time came round when the landlord's yearning for a fishing trip overcame him, and he went away. His man-of-all-work, who bad charge of things flaring bis absence, remarked, as tbe landlord drove away, with his one and only -any, the viUage blacksmith, a man jast as jolly and free-hearted as the landlord was the oppo. nge- They're gone to Sagar Pond. That means a three-dayser, and maybe Pop won't be cheerful When he comes back. Ay, bat thiogs'll get h'isted." When the fishing party had been gone an hone or so the Philadelphia artiat, without saying a word to anybody, brought his colours and brashes down from his rocoa and went to wo:k. It was in the height of Use htying time, and nil Me usual tavern loungers were at work in the fields, so that he was not interrupted by curious onlookers, the man-of all-work simply taking everything for granted tond attending to his affairs without a word. I knew that the artist had some good thing in view, and was content to 1 wait its development. Thy finishing ot its first stage enlightened me. He removed the tansy masher from its nail, and then painted, as bang- ing from the nail by its wire ring, an imitation of the big key, with its glittering guard of tin, and the connecting circle of wire, no exact and so natural iu its re!ief shading and its pose, that if I had come in without knowledge of the counterfeit and wanted the key, I should have reached f)r that picture of it in all good faith. Then I began to see into the depth of the artist's design. Tho man-of-all-work, after ho had recovered from the amazement the painted imitation of the key and its fixtures had caused him, foresaw its intended effect, and howled with delight. After completing tbq picture of the key on the tansy masher nail the artist, who bad said not a word thus far, drew from the wall the long nail on which the landloid had hung his high hat every morning every time for twenty years, and. soon had in counterfeit projection from the Snail, hole a nail in pigment, so perfect in its deception that I had to show the man-of-all-work the real nail before he would believe the other was only Thander,' he exclaimed, seeing what the inevitable effect would be. I Pop'll torn the house inside out.' 11 The nail done to his satisfaction, the ariiat took down the old faded slouch hat from its place at the end of the room, and when he was throagh with that part of bis programme it would have taken a nicer eye than had ever gazed on that hat in the original to detect the difference between it and the imitation of it that stood out boldly in the original's place. The man-of-all- work was iLetnAlly frightened by this time over the prospect. The artist was not a rapid worker, and it was dinner time when he "put the last atroke of the brush on tbe picture of the hat. Then, for the first time, be made reference to what was on his mind. He tamed to the man-of- all-wotk and said Do yon think it will fool him, John V I wouldn't be in here when he tries em,' replied John, not for a farm. Pop'll go crazier than a loon.' 1, John was right in remarking that the land- lord's trip would be a I three-d.Ayser,' for it was nearly 8 o'clock on the night of the third day when he came back, and there was abundant evidence that the trip had been a success. He went straight to bed, John helping him upstairs. When John came down, he said- 4 Lord, but he'll be tina to-motrow. Never Men him so proznisin' as he is to-night.1 I Both the Philadelphia artist and myself were torly risers, and the landlord always saw or beard us around somewhere when he came down mornings, so of course be wasn't surprised to see 118 sitting in the bar-room when he appeared that memorable next morning wearing his inevitable high liat, but looking a :¡tIe wild and rocky. He tarned .9 get his tansy masher, and of coarse saw the key bangiug in the masher's place. With a snort like an enraged bear he made a dash and a grab for the key. He grabbed only a handful of air, He stepped back and glared at the key, and with another wwtfcswooped down upon it. The result being the same, the landlord stepped back, tabbed his eyes, which had;opened wide and had a seared look in them, and gazed again at the key. Then he sidled behind the bar. The tansy DJuber lay on the sink. The landlord mashed bis tansy and poured in bis rum, but we could see that bis hand shook like an aspen. All the time he was fixing bis tipple he cast wild glances sideways to- ward iC key. Tossing down the ram and tansy, he sidled oat of the bar again, making no further effort to get the key, and walked with his high hat in his shaking band towards the nail at the side of the zoom. He glanced baok over his shoulder once toward the key, and the look on his face told plainly that he saw it hanging there, although he -know it could not be there. He reached no, < laced the opening of bis hat over its nail, as anal, and let gal of it. The bat came banging promptly to the floor. The landlord's surprise o he looked at the hat on the floor and then np at' the nail in the wall for a moment took the place of fright on his countenance. The nail was there all right, be evidently concluded. He picked np the hat, nud placing it over the nail again Me, it Riowlv dowc; so a to make sure it cangbt on the naii, but when the hat came on down without a checli aud revealed tho projecting nail afcove iti. he actually jjave u. >oil. He dropped the long pampered high hat and made a rush for his old slonch hat. The rirat ineffectual frrub for it sent him ats^fjerikS back, but h:^ glursa at the b-Lt. There il- it There ceriainly conld be co nii-Uak^ about it. Henasiicjci for it strain, aud finding only empty air ha turarA and rushed for the door bareheaded, and with a sare-onoogh i look of terror on hi* lace. "All ttai3 had occurredwithin tbres minutes,bnt it seemed an age to my artist friend and myself, sitting thore in pratsuded ignorance cf tho scene, Voiding in the laughter that was almost bursting 'W side-i. The itataot that the landlord tore out of the hoaae we rolled on tbo floor and bowled. John came rnnning in, looking almost as 3Ciied as tha landlord. He's tore up to the squire's,' John shouted. Didn't I tell you it'd make him crazy wild ? Now he's going to have us all took up and jugged." The squire's office was up the road a hundred yards or so, and after a while we saw tho land- lord come out and come rusbiog back home. He came in and rushed through and on np3tairs without once looking around, went to bed, and sent for the doctor. He didn't show up ag tin for a week. The squire was ariotlierquaint character in the vilhge, and ha and the young Philadelphia, artist h--d become great friends. So soon after the landlord had come ho" e we walked up that wxy and dropped in on the squire. said be. Something' !Wij happened. The jimmies has got onto old Pop's track at last.' We of course told the sqaire wa didn't know what be meant, and lie went on. 1 Why, Pop come a tearin' in here a while ago, lookin' wilde than a mad steer. fjqnire," be says, 1, I've took to see-in' thingw that ain't there. Draw up the strongest swe&r off paper you kin.' I drawer1 it op and he signed it, and he's took an oath that he won't never tetch a.nother dr-,p as long as he lives.' And that was a fact and alihongh he found out the trick that had been played on him, the lktndlo-.d has kept his pledge ever since. But that joke of my friend th3 artist was a great blow to art. Old Pop has never permitted au artist to atop at his boase since then. To every stranger who applies for quarters there, to this day, he says before anything eisa is considered': Are yon an artist ?' If the applicant answers in the affirmative, Pop points to the door, and says You'll have to go farder.' And that's all there will be to it."

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