Abergavenny Chronicle

I OTHER MEN'S MINDS. I t We have to ereate a better Britain.—Hie King. I THE HAMMER BLOWS. I It was above all the hammer blows of the British Armies that were the decisive fac- tors in the final defeat of the enemy.— Marshal Foch. I YEARS OF GREATNESS. V I England never was so surpassingly great I I as in the last four years.—Mr. J. M. Beck. J I I NO CHANCE FOR BOLSHEVISM. I Where the people own their houses and have land or property there is no Bol. lshevism.-Ioi-d Morris. [ 'TIS' TRUE, 'TIS -PITY." I I r am sceptical about either golden or great ages -of oratory. Whenever or wher- ever you lived you were always far more likely. to hear a bad speech than, a good one. —Mr. Birrell. I THE SLUM EVIL. I I r No man can be as bad in a regiment aB he I I can be in a slum.—Mr. Bernard Shaw. I STERN JUSTICE. I We do not want revenge, but all nationa I are determined to have stern jiistioo meted out to those responsible for t-rie 'horrori; of the past four -rears.-Icr(i Reading. I THE CHILDREN'S FRIEND. I The British soldier stands on no soil where the children will not kiss his hand.- I Mr. Churchill. THINGS THAT MATTER. I f High wages will be of little account in promoting the happiness of the people with- out self-restraint and relf-dc-nial.-General 3ramwell Booth. ARCHITECTS AXD CUPBOARDS. I It is popularly supposed that an architect cither never has heard of such a thing as a cupboard, or, from some natural infirmity, common to his clai;-q. has not sufficient skill to design one.—Mr. W. Dunn. THE NEXT THING. Thanksgiving for victory mn?t be followed j !by thankBJi.ing.-Rev. Mordaunt Bisset. j f VICTORY TO DEMOCRACY. I God has not given victory to democracy in order that democracy shall sink into con- I fusion and anarchy.—Bishop of Hereford. A FALLEN HOHENZOLLERN. I The spectacle of a fallen Hohenzollern I dangling from a hempen rope in the pur- lieus of Pentonville will add nothin.g to our victory and no honour to our name.— Canon Simpson. THE TEST. I I' The advance of civilisation is to be mea- sured, not by the increase of li-mitationsp but by the tossoxiing of them.—Mr. Barry Pain. WHICH? Is it going to be Britain for the British, or Britain for tho German?—Lord "Witten- ham. RATIONS AND HEALTH: Restrictions in food have undoubtedly de- teriorated the I national stamina.—Sir John Collie. LORD KITCHENER. Lord Kitchener saved us and saved Europe, but he was out of touch with the political organisation of this country.— General Sir F. Maurice. MEN WHO KNOW. I Many <1f thie facts v"hich modern white I men have ascertained by laborious experi- ment might have been learned by studying the agricultural practices of the American- Indian.—Prof. Ward, ef Harvard. A HOME THRUST. I There are people in our country who had conscientious objections to slaying the Hun, but £ re ready to man the barricade and turn machino-guns against their own countrymen whom they consider to be more fortunate than themselves.—Mr. G. H. Roberts. I THEIRS THE PRAISE. I It is usually those who are in at the finish I ,that get most credit when a war is won.- I Major Beith. A WEAPONS AGAINST BOLSHEVISM*. f The best way to fight Bolshevism is by 1 political liberty and fearless social reform. -Mr. F. G. Kellaway. BE PROUD, CANADIANS! I Never have men had greater reason for I honest pride of ach ievement than the sol. diers of Canada.—Sir Robert Borden, CENSORSHIP MUST GO. I The censorship, of the Press, which has I produced- great evils, must wholly go.—Sir John Simon. OIL AND VICTORY. We might almost say that the Allied cause I has floated to victory on a wave of oil.- Lord Curzon. PAYMENT FOR THE WAR. I There will be a great charge on the Em- pire -to pay for the war, as I understand Germany is not going to be asked to pay anything.—Lord Morris. THE POPE AND THE CROSS-BOW. I When the cross-bow was introduced it was condemned by a Pope of that period as a too barbarous weapon. I have not heard that his successor has condemned the submarine -Hon. John Fortescue. I I NO DANGER HERE. I We are not in this country in any imme- ¡ diate danger of Bolshevism.—Lord R. Cecil. I BELGIUM AND THE ALLIES. i Belgium's foreign, political, and economi- I cal relations will swing towards those great Powers which fought side by side with us for our independence.—M- Delacroix.

ADMIRAL BEATTY'S FIRM REPLY TO I GERMAN PROTEST. Admiralty, Thursday. The following messages have passed be- tween the Commander-in-Chief, Gratfd Fleet, and the German Flag Offioot-iu-Com. mand of the German men-of-war now in- terned in northern ports, with reference tc the flying of the German colours in the in- terned ships:— Commander-in-Chief, Grand Fleet, to Admiral von Rocut,-r: Nov. 21. The German flag is to be hauled doww at 15.57 (3.57 p.m.) to-day, Thursday, and is not to be hoisted again without permission. Von Reuter to Admiral Beatty:— Friedrich der Grosse, Nov. 22, 1918. You ordered by w.t. (wireless telegraph) of 21st November p.m. that the German flag, after being hauled down at sunset, was not to be hoisted again without special permission. On 21fet November p.m. I ur- gently requested the Chief-of-Staff of Ad- miral M alden that this ordef should be cancelled, as the German ships have flown their flags honourably. 1 have not yet re- ceived an answer. According to the terms of the armistice, the shipa v/cre to be interned in neutral har- bours or in harbours of the Allies. As far as I know, during internment ia Reutral harbours during this war and former wars Hags i-ave always remained hoisted. Had I ueen interned in a neutral harbonr this would have been the case. Neutral bar. bours and Harbours of the Allies are abso- lutely parallel according to the literal con- I ditions of the armistice, and in the sense of the conditions of internment. Therefore. I fcsteem it unjustifiable and ooutradictory to international custom to or- t der fche striking of the war flag in the Ger- man ships. In addition, I am of onion that the order to strike the flag is not in keeping with the idea of chivalry between honour- able opponents. I therefore now enter an emphatic pscotest against this order. VON REfTER. Admiral Beatty to von Reuter:— Nov. 23. Your protest against my order regarding the flying of German colours is noted. I would draw your attention to the fact that an armisíjoo. suspends hostilities and that a state of ar still exists between Germany- and the Allie3- Under the circumstances no enemy vessel can be permitted to Hy the National Ensign in British ports while under custody. DAVID BEATTT, J Admiral, C6mmander-in-Cbief. I

FROM WAR TO PEACE. I I Mr. Kellaway, Parliamentary Secretary to the Ministry of Munitions, states that the steps being taken by firms throughout the country to get back from war work on to peace production are so satisfactory that we ought net to fear any widespread unem- ployment. At Newcastle-on-Tyuc and Hebburn two firms are now making furniture and heavy toys imt'ad of aeroplanes. Another New- castl e firm is turning from guJ1. manufac- ture to locomotive building. Firms at Sheffield, Burnley. Leigh, Leeds, Iluddorsf eld, Leicester, Notting- ham. and Edinburgh are changing from fuses to fUss, from shells to springs, from and grenades to capstan lathes, from mines to dairy utensils, and from tanks to boot machinery. A new ld ustry 'for the manufacture of wood wool/from old pit props is being set up in a foundry at Leicester. The making of corset" steelf, which before the war were mainly imported from Germany, is to be undertaken on a large scale by another firm, and the German trade in hosiery needles and hose suspenders is also to be captured. The output of these needles has now reached 1,000,000 a week, and will be increased scon to 2,000,000.

AIRMEN'S "LIGHT" TEST. I To discover how quickly action follows thought in prospective airmen a simple test has been employed with satisfactory re- An electric lamp is switched on and the candidate has to press a key directly he sees the light. By this means is measured to one-thousandth of. a second the time which elapses between the lighting of the lamp and the action of the candidate.

KINEMA TAX FINE- "blyer Hilkowitz, proprietor of the Queen Hall Kima, Brentford, was fined < £ 20 for infringing the Entertainment Tax Regula- tions. Evidence was given to show that when tickets were taken they wepc not torn in half, and many were found to be returned to the box-office. Thus the Revenue could be defrauded by allowing used tickets to be reissued.

BETTER TRAINS SOON. I Speaking at Ashtoii-under-Lyne, Sir Albert Stanley said if people would only wait a little longer they, would have a, jnuch improved train service. Already in- structions had been issued removing some of the restrictions on long-distance travel- ling, and the railway executive were making arrangements for additional accommoda- tion.

MUNITION WORKERS' DISCHARGE. I It is pointed out by the Minister of Muni- tions that, excepting only persons engaged in manual 13Jbour on certain building work, certain classes of sea-going engineers and workmen engaged in ship repairing, or whose employment is of a discontinuous or temporary nature, workpeople engaged in the manufacture of munitions are in gerysral entitled to a week's notice of discharge or a week's wages in lieu of notice.. If this is not given complain should be made to a local Munitions Tribunal, on a form to be obtained from any employment exchange. The Minister of Munitions is anxious that employefs should give their workpeople as early an intimation as posslblet 0 any in- tention to discharge, and at least a fort- night's notice to the employment exchanges. ————- -—————

A resolution has been pa?secl by the Com- j mittee of the National Education 'Associa- tion expressing deep dir-appc-mtment at tne I failure of the Boacl of Education to re- deem their premises to prejwtre adequate educational on for c'n ildren drawn ) prematurely into wa.r work iJ the past four years. Admiral .Tyrwhitt is to be offered the freedom of Oxford, his native city. Dean "of St. David's since 1003, the Very Rev. Janes A. Smith has died, aged 77. Food committees are asked to hold"mci-,t, ings at hours convenient to Labour, mem- bers. "Shortage of labour oN-in,- to the armis- tice," was the plea of a debtor at Bow Oounty-court. V

Protecting Plants.—Coal ashes are useful to place round the baejes of plants requiring protection in winter. Kniphofia, Salvia patens, aiM perennial Lobelias are examples Shrubs.—It is desirable to have material ready to protect shrubs known to be some- what tender. These 'include the Lemon Plant Oil Scented Verbena, Myrtles, Hydran- gea.i, Veronica speciosa varieties..Geanothus Veitchianus, Ribes spepiosa, and some of the. Escallonias, Bracken, Michaelmas Daisy stems, and Yew branches arc suitable. w Planting Paoonie.s.-Thre are two suit- able periods for j planting Paeonies, now and in the spring. If the Boil is light, planting at the present time is preferable; if on the other hand it is inclined to heaviness, and somewhat cold, then spring is the best. In either case the positions should be well pre- pared beforehand. Paeonies are '"gross feeders," and like to go undisturbed for years. The soil should bo broken up to a depth, of 2ft., and well manured, placing the manure well down. Turfy loam placed round aboat too roots is Serviceable. Strong clurnpei may be divided into small pieces, as shown on the left*, or into larger divisions, I as on the right, xn planting see that the crowns are set about 2in. to 3in. lie low the surface. Firm planting is essential, and the protection of the young growths iu sprulg is advisable. • • Planting Roses.—November 1a in most re- spects the best month to plant roses, except on heavy wet ground when early March i* favoured. In most, seasons gocd garden soil is in. condition for planting at this date, the plants commence to. make frfcsh roots if the weather is fnild, and they are settled down in the new positions by the time growth comniences in spring. Star of Bethlehem.—Delighting in shade, the OrrrithogaluES* are ideal plants for small gardens. Now is the time tdi plant the bulbs 4-in. to in. deep. Thev thrive in most positions, and in nearly all sdils. O. nutans with spikes of white blossoms, the outside shaded with green, and O. um- ,bcillatum., »-ith flat heads 5of starry-white .flowers, fragrant and showy, are the best. E, -igeron.-These are valuable perennial border plants, blooming throughout tie summer and autumn. They are useful for cutting, particularW the perpetual-flowering newer varieties. The plants thrive in most garden soils, and are readily propagated by lifting and dividing the clumps, this being a good timo. Six of the best sorts are Asa Gray >(straw yellow, 1ft. t» l £ ft.), B. Lad- hfinjt* -(orange pink, 2ft.), Etlina (white, 2ft), Pink Pearl (pale pink, 2ft.-), Speciosus (d,p mauve, 2ft. to 21ft.), and Quajcercsa .(soft lilac, lift. to 2ft.). Though seen in their greatest 'beauty in open positions, they also flower -freely in partial shade. lw 1 0 Loganberries.—In planting these ample room must be allowed the plants for full development. They may be planted 8ft. apart in each direction. What arc known as "tip, are advised for planting; these are usually satisfactory in light free work- ing soil, but not where the land is inclined to be heavy. On this class of land it is better to plant strong yearlong plants, as tips fail to start into growth. o. Fruit Trees on Walls and Fences.— Although the protection of fruit trees is not 1 necessary before spring, when the flower bud are commencing to open, -it is a wise procedure to avail oneself gf the dark winter evenings to prepare material. Canvas, tight sacking, etc., should be procured and cut to the requisite size, hemmed round, and stout eyes or rings sown at top and bottom. Hooks or nails can then be placed in correct positions on the Willi, so that nothing is left but to place the materials in position when. the time for their use comes round. With the aid of rings at the bottom and pegs driven into th., ground the material may be kept from close contact with the trees. Pruning Plums.—There is frequently a tendency to deal. too drastically with plum troes v/hcn pruning them. We should bear in wind that all the stone fruits will flower and bear fruit on the young growth of the preceding year. We must remember that pliiKK-, da not fruit well from old straggling frpit spurs, but that young wood must be allowed -to grow and be retained in place of old grov.'tiis as room can be found from time to tiiue. Ma-nuring Bush Fruits.—The best manure for currants and .gooseberries is no doubt that secured from yards and stables. A good dressing dug into the soil each alter- nate year will be found sufficient to keep tne bushes growing with all the necessary vigour. Failing vard manure the dressings of ixsh guano and soot have been Jound I I of great benefit. Potash in some form Is almost a neces-sity for gooseberries. a Winter Spinach.-I-lealthy rows of this valuable winter vegetable should be taken great care of. Frequent stirring between the rows with the hoe will be "beneficial to sowings made late in September; older rows should be kept free from large weeds and have all yellow leaves removed at ouce. Salsify-—Th6 roots of this soon lose their value if taken up and allowed to remain in boxes or on a. floor without a covering of fine soil. Storings between layers of ashes is better,, but perhaps the best way of all to ensure the roots remaining plump is to 1 allow them to'remal. u in the bed, covering this heely with leaves or ilay during -severe weather.  good tiftie to Weeds.—The present is a good time to fr,?c the ground of all obnoxious perennial woods, including dandelion, dock, and bell- Jjind. If this is thoroughly done before wheeling on manure little trouble need be feared from these next year; but if the WOl'k is put off until the ground is dug the chances arc that instead of ridding the soil of these robbers a careless digger will only add to the trouble by cutting them into pieces with the spade. As every piece will ?or? a plant, a dozen this year may easily be a hundred next.

I MOTHER AND HOME. I If there is always room in our hearts for 1 kindness, it won't get crowded out by bitter thoughts. I I SLEEP FOB THE BABY. The more a c{rild sleeps the more he thrives, and during the first months of in- fancy the baby may be expected to sleep most of its time. A separate cot should be provided. There are some who declare that a small child, having little w-armth of ita own, will not be sufficiently warm if put to £ leep by itself, but a healthy child will, not suffer. The bed should be mado warm with a hot-water bottle, and it may sometimes be advisable to allow this to remain. j THE USEFUL ONION. Onions are particularly valuable when one I is recovering from Spanish 'flu, or colds, or; nervous breakdowns. In order that their mcdieinal virtue should not be lost, it is | best to stow them slowly, in milk if pos- tj sible. -,I  I To SAVE Yotra LAUKDEY BILL. I I To remove ironmould take one^quart-er of an ounce of salts of lemon and mix well in f half a teacupful of boiling water; hold in the stained article till the marks have dis* appeared entirely. Then rinse -well, To pre- j vent scorchiiig: test your iron carefully i beforehand. If a drop of water XUBS off smoothly and at once it is the required heat. d h cal t. Also clean your iron carefully beforehand, on strong brown paper sprinkled with pow- dered bath brick.. In washing silk stockings hav ready two pahs, one of hot and the other of cold water. To every throe quarts [ of water add two tablespoonfuLs of vinegar. Having rubbed gently in a good lather in the hot-water pan, drop for a few mopients 4 in the cold, and finally squeeze (but don t ) wring) and roll in a dry cloth. Iron on the wrong, side. [i t I WEIGHING THE B?BY.. j 'EIGHING THE BA,BY. f Baby should be weighed regularly and the results noted. If his food is doing its work, he. should show steady increase is weight. At a small cost a. kind of hammock is to be I boug>ht in Which tho child qan be plal for ] weighing. If the child is found to be losing weight, it will be better to consult the I doctor a.t once. The normal added weight j per week after the first week is 4oz. j I BRAIKS BETTER THAW BEAUTY. i "It is a great thing," observed a lady skilled in matrimonial matters, "when a. wife i3 able to make her husband feel that even though he has taken her to the altar, his victory is still incomplete. If she can renew in him something of that feeling of tantalising uncertainty that he experienced during courtship days her hold upon him is t assured. I havo observed, however, that it generally only plain women of attractive manners and keen intelligence who succeed in doing this. Pretty women, as a rule, make the mistake of counting too much on their beauty, and will not exert themselves. In fact, although there are exceptions, 1 believe that a pretty woman is apt to make I a better sweetheart than wife." < MARRIAGE MAKES CIVILISATION. [ Wherever the marriage tic is lightly re- garded there is danger to the community, according to a keen observer of social life. The' peril of modern times, according to the authority, is found in the fact that mar- riago is so seldom spoken of seriously. It is often looked on as a joke, and entered en ra.shly and thoughtlessly. The solemnity of it is supposed to relate- mainly to the material welfare of tlie married couple. Yet it is too often tho ca.va that some of the un- huppiest marriages are mado between people rich in this world's goods instead of being wealthy in the truest sense by possessing an abundance of love. YOUR HANDS. Rub your hands with a little vaseline be- fore do':ng anything that is likely to iataia th0 skin. The grease protects it and pre- vents it from getting stained. CLEANING LAMP BURNERS. Oil consumption may be halved, without reducing the amount of light, by keeping the lamp burners clean. After a little use, all burners become clogged with sooty matter, and this hampers free burning to a considerable, extent. Every fortnight treat the burners in' this wav. In an old tin put about a quart of water, and dissolve in this an ounce of washing soda. Put tHe tin on I the fire, and when the contents boil, place I in the burners, from which the wicks should j have been removed." Allow the whole thing j to simmer for five minutes, and then tnke out the burners and rinse them well tinder the tap. Rub as dry as you can with a j I l 'i aciiig 'tlicin n-car to Cloth, and finish by placing them near to a ¡ fire. After this replace the wicks, and they are ready for use, and will giVe as good a J light as if they were brand new. j i I CONVERSATION. t The secret of successful COlverBatiOR is contained in the faculty of being able to make the other person talk. If you find vourself doing all the talking, you may depend upon it "the other person is manag- j ing yon. If you make the other person talk, j I you are master. Study the person with j whom you are conversing, and lead to sub- ) jects with which he or she is fairiliar. j I I., IT CAN'T BE HELPED." The "can't be helped" attitude wants in- dulging in with a vast amount of caution. It is ccrtainly no use lamenting over what can never be altered; but, as Mark Twain remarked, "it doesn't do to let it happen a^ain." He pointed out that very many troubles are like the toothache—a heaven- sent affliction, if you choose to take it that way, or a thing to be got rid of by a visit to the dentist if you select to be more energetic and bold. We need to. shake our- selves up sometimes and &6e if many amic- tions we have got accustomed to as things to be endured are really not things we have become habituated to," said sturdy John Holyoake. "Use makes many things easy to bear. Unfortunately, it makes some things easy to bear that it would be best for us not to bear at all and shook from our j shoulders." A TREAT. FOR OTHER. TC Ll- t.1 r?' I XI L.-v WJB U- giUD nvoiu ™fv/ c mother a special treat, they might ? arrange i sometimes that she shall be a guest in her own home. Tho children could plan out j their own little festivities, take all the pre- j parations on their Vown shoulders, and not 1 ask mother to do anything save perhaps pre- side over the tea-table their efforts have equipped. She would be proud to do it, and I would enjoy the cake she hadn't made and j the scones made from a recipe entirely .new ) to her? She would enjoy, too, the fact of ) being fresh enough to take part in the after- tea proceedings, and, more than all, the thought which prompted her children to take he household responsibility off her ehoul- I ders. It might be her birthday tea, that j birthday which so ofteii passes unnoticed j save for the usual present. Her friem-, could be invited, and something novel in the way of c?kes and table decorations might be evolved to mark the occasion. i

I FUN AND FANCY, I "He mà.k .£5,000 a year as an aviator." And yet people siy you can't live on air.-w i Mrs. Mix: "There wae a time when yolm ininded what I said, but now it's like water," on a duck'a back-in at one ear and out at the other." j Y<pur extravagance is becoming unbear- able," he growled. "When I die you'll prob- ably have to beg." "Well, I should be. better off than some poor woman who never had any practice," replied his wife. • "Sir," said the second lieutenant to the colonel, "I should be so obliged if you'd use ycur influence to prevent the men in my platoon from calling me Baby Bunting.' "Certainly, my lad, certainly," said the old i colonel. "I will with pleasure, if you'll use your influence to stop the whole battalion calling me that bow-legged old buffer with the bald head.' Major (to man who has not saluted): < v- Now, then, my man, what do you generally do when you see an officer?" Private: "Well, I generally hop it quick. But I didn't see i you a-oomin > ¡ -u' I Driver in A.S.C.: "Serious! No, it wasn't a &srions accident." Second Driver: ■ "But I thought you said you nearly kilied- the fellow you knocked down?" First Driver: "Oh, "im! Yuss; 'e was 'urt, but ivot I mean it 'ardlv scratched the car." I i "This is a sad case," said the asylum I attendant, pausing before a padded cell, "There is DO hope for the patieut what- i ever." "What's the trouble with him?" asked the visitor. "He thiuks he unaer- stands .his ration rules." t Mrs. Newlink: "I don't know what is the t matter with this clock, but it. won't go." Newlink looked at it, then,oMed it, and blew in it with the bellows, but it would not go, and he went to bed. Next morning, --lie wife said, h Jack, I found out what was .the matter with the clock." Newlink: "Well v/hat?" Mrs. Newliak: "It wanted windina. "Well," said a lawyer, as ho entered his condemned client's cell, "good news at last." "A reprievep" eagerly exclaimed the pri- soner. No, not a reprieve, but your uncle has died and left you tl)00, and now you can meet your fate with the satisfying J- ing that the jioble efforts of your lawyer in your behalf will not go unrewarded." "Halloa, Mihe! Where did you. get that ¡ black eye?" "Why, O'Grady'a just back t from his honeymoon, an' 'twas me advised him t' get married. "So he praised her sjfcgiug, did he?" cCes; said it was heavenly." "Did he really I say. that?" "Well, not exactly; but he prob- ably meant that. He said it was unearthly." In a certain village there was a doctor noted for his reokless driving. One day when he answered the. telephone a woman's voice asked if he were going out driving that afternoon. "No; I hardly think I wil-I I have time this afternoon," replied the doctor. "But why do you -,i-sk?" "Well," replied his anonymous questioner, "I want to send my little daughter down the street t for some thread, if you are not." Furniture Deer (to elderly maiden): "And there is another advantage, ma'ara, which the folding-bed has over the ordinary kind." Elderly Maiden: "What is that, sir?" Furniture Dealer: "You don't have to look under it to see if there is a man there." Mabel: "How are you getting on at the college?" Percy: "Oh, aU right. I'm trying awful)y hard to get ahead, you know." Mabel: "Well, goodness knows you nced one." Squire: "Did you take that note to the Vicarage?" Billy: "Yes, sir. I tlfink they've got extra for dinner." Squire: "What business ie that of yottrs? I have always told 'you that your ears were not meant for listening to other people's busi- ness." Billy: "I couldn't help it, sir; I listened with my nose. i "Casey seems to be doing well where he is." "He'll not last long in it." "Why not? He seems to give satisfaction." "Hell not last a month. I said so when he got the job two years ag, and. I say so now." "Do you believe in mustard plasters, doctor?" asked the sweet young thing. "Yes, I do," growled the medico fiercely. "I pre- scribe them for patients who e.Il me out in the middle of the night when there's noth- ing the matter with them.1 "Mrs. Hashleigh, my egg is bad again j [ this morning! I cannot possibly eat it." "Have you tried the other end?" Scene: A crowded train. Young lady, who 1 J had been "strap-kanging" for a quarter of J an hour, is suddenly offered a seat by a young man sitting near by. She locked at him scomfully for a- minute, and then said in a sarcastic voice: "Sir, I am much obliged to you, but I also am getting out at the next stop." Little Girl (before statue in museum): Mamma, who's this?" Attendant (after a pause): "That's Mercury, the messenger of the gode.. You have read about him, no doubt." Mother. "Of course she has. But, do you know, my little girl hae such a very; poor memory for Scripture." I I "You cannot have sausages without a illeat coupon." "Meat coupon? I always j thought sausages came under the bread f ration!" ¡ "Why is Adeline so angry with the ? photographer?" "She found' a label on the back of her picture saying. The original of i this photograph is carefully preserved t "And so you are the noble fellow who I resetted my wife at the Visk of your life?" I said Mr. Tightfist. "Take this my brave fellow, as an expression of my thank- ] fulness." The Hero: "All right, guv'nor, | thank ye," and then he added s()fty: "Yo?  know better'n I do what your old girl's 1 worth." -— • j "Fanny, what is the meaning of the word j 'natural' asked the teacher. "It means I the way people behave before they learn 1 | manners," was the reply. Jack Tar, on leave, visited a circus in his native town. During the performance a very comely young woman lion-tamer entered' the lion's cage, beckoned a savage monster to i her, and made it take a piece of Siigar from her lips. "I could do that," said Jack rudibly. The fair lion-tamer overheard. Couid you 7" said jshe. "Rath^r-rr!" said Jack, jauntily. "Quite as well as the lion!1.