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-.-..,................ --..-...-----,FUN…


FUN AND FANCY. don't you give your wife an sllow- ance?"—"I tried that once, and she spent it bafore I oouid borrow it back." Brown: "Yes, I'm acquainted with your wife. old man. I knew her before you married her." —Smith: "Ah That's where you had the ad- vantage of me. I didn't. An Appetiser. — Traveller: "But, waiter, I only ordered two eggs. You have brought three."—Waiter: cor know, sah, but I thought possibly one might fail." "Does Mr Smith live here?"—"No, sir."— "Does he live in this street?"—"Yes, sir."— "Do you know hie number ?"—No, sir but you will see it on his door." "So your airship was wjrecked in the blizzard. I thought you considered it perfect?"—"The ship was perfect," replied the inventor stiffly. "The air was at fault." Painless Punishment.—One day a dentist had occasion to punish his five-year-old son for dis- obedience. As he picked up the rod, the little fellow said: "Papa, won't you please give me gas first?" Little Girl: "Mother, that's such a nasty little boy; whenever he passes me he makes a face."—Mother: "Very rude of him. I hope you don't do it back."—Little Girl: "011, dear, no! I simply turn up my noee and treat him with despisery." Van Aantler: "I think we are sure of a good,1 dinner to-night. You know my new butler does the entire catering for the hougehold." Crubb: "Can you rely on him to ?"—Van Antler; "Not always, but this evening I re-; quested him to send us up something from the kitchen table." "What! You haven't heard of our masonic lodge ? Why, sir, it's celebrated from one end of the country to the other."—'Ah, I see. Your lodge, then, has among its members the oldest mason?"—"No, sir; it's celebrated as being the only lodge in the country that hadn't the oldest mason." "See there," said the irate customer as he entered the clothing store, "yeu said this pair of trousers would wear like iron. I've worn them leee than six weeks—and now look at them. Do you call that wearing like iron?"— "Well, why not?" rejoined the proprietor. "Are not they rusty enough to suit you?" "I regret very much that we cannot use your story," said the magazine editor, handing back the manuscript. "It's astonishing how much really good litertaure we are compelled to de- cline."—"It's more astonishing, though," said the disgruntled author of the story, "that you never let any of it get into your magazine." "John—John, whispered Mrs. Gidgley, nudging her husband.—"What is it?" he sleep- ily asked. "There's a burglar in tho house."— "What do you want me to do—get up and run the risk of being killed?"—"No; but you find in the morning that somebody has gone through your pockets, don't you blame me." I A Cockney, while spending his holidays in the Highlands, met an old shepherd driving a flopk of sheep. Wishing to show off a bit, he said: "Now. if I were a shepherd, I would teach the sheep to follow me."—"Oh, aye," said the shepherd, "and I hiv nae doot ye wid manage, for if they saw anithei sheep in frent they wid be sure to follow." Scene One: At home.—Mr. Hubbv: "What's for dinner?"—Mrs. Hubby: "Oh, just a couple of chops!"—Mr. Hubby (disgustedly): "Always those eternal chops! I refuse!" (Goes off in a rage to his club).—Scone Two: At the club.— Mr. Hubby: "What can I have to eat:"— Waiter- "Nothing much readv yet. sir. Can cook you a nice chop, sir."—Mr. Hubby (en- thusiast-ic^Hy); "Good! Make it