Welsh Newspapers

Search 15 million Welsh newspaper articles

Hide Articles List

19 articles on this Page

— ' T '• T , • :—T"'" . --…

News
Cite
Share

— T '• T • :—T" .A. HUMOUR OF THE WEEK ONE ON"THE NOSE. In a case at Marylehone where men had J done damage to an empty house, Detective Bundle said the thieves made a confession to him, and owned that, had they known the late occupier was alone when he surprised. them, thev would have put it on him." (daughter.) The Judge: Does that mean "give him one on the nose?" (Laughter.) The Detective: l £ .does,sir,and ;a hard one at that. The officer added that a' man who surrendered said that he had. heard they had iiailed his wate and he .wanted to be pally." r J NO WONDER. The little boy came crying to his mother, rubbing one of his eyes. Well, What did the chemist say ?" she asked. Tommy replied, tie said I had got a foreign substance in my eye. j&ojther." And I don't wonder at your getting a foreign substance, seeing that you will per- sist in playing with the Italian ice'ci'cam inan'k 'boys!" A LADDER CLIMBING COOK. A cook at Shoreditch County-court, claimed damages for injuries in a bicycle accident, as since she had been unable to take regular work. Solicitor: Had you ever had .any-iregiilar berth before the one you had when tnfei. acci- dent occurred? Plaintiff (haughtily): Most certainly; in Park;. lane, Portman square/ Porphester- square, and other places. And why not get another berth?—Because I cannot lean o've .r' stoves or climb ladders, it makes me giddy? >v V.» His Honour But does a cook have to climb ladders? (Laughter.)—Oh, I do a little bit of cleaning and charing in between. But in Park-lane does the cook have toi climb ladders or do a little charing? (Loiid laughter.)—Oh, there I used to do a little: cleaning for an extra shilling a day. His Honour: So in Park-law you mixed up cooking, cleaning, charing, and climbing, ladders for 3s. 6d. a day. I have not heard of ladder-climbing cooks before. HE OUGHT TO KNOW. A lady plaintiff at Clerkenwell County Court stated that the man she was suing had four ;iit family.. Defendant, asserted."Jiositiyely 'that '"he had'"five. u (,s- c IVIItintiff:-I" know better. -Defendant: I say there are five. "Plaintiff (emphatically): I say four. Judge Edge: Well he ought to know. (Laughter.) ,H f Defendant: I know only too well. (Laugh- ter.) The Judge: How old is 'the youngest ? Defendant: Poilr days. The Judge (to plaintiff): What do you say to that? Plaintiff: Well- The Judge: You are not. quite up to date— that's-' it: (Laughter.1 v .'J *"s v,r, e.c'J. w.e. v h "RATHER LARGE." At Yarmouth Bankruptcy Court a debtor who had been in business as a baker for .over forty years attributed his insolvency partly to family expenses. The Official Receiver asked what these were, and the debtor "replied that he had had I ta/feher a: large /family, '-? c;, r i -How many?—Tfreiity four. (.Laiiglit4r;) 'And" they were not all profit ? — No. (Laughter.) :| r ONE IOF THE BEST P-HYSW]r-A-Ng. Applying to Judge Will,is,. K.C., at South-, w&rk County Court to set aside"' a "conimittar orSer under :^hictt he Was liable to"be V ar- rested in respect .of a debt for money lent, a man said he had been the security." His Honour: Better' make your friend a present and have done w4ith it.1 p Plaintiff's Iheve !l\as been notHiiig paid for two years. His Honour: Oh, whalt a' wonderful thing' it you "are alive to tell me". {Laughter.)1 I will suspend the committal order Ph, ^coiidi-' tion that the applicant pay 2s. a month. (T-j the appliciaht): You feel- better, do you? (Laughter.) Applicant: Yes, I am a bit easier, sir. 15 (tMgMer.),"1"' r His Htsnour: That'fe right. I :am onfe of the best physicians. (Laughter.) DIDN'T KNOW FARVEK. ( ""B'oo-iioo. hoo-hoo!" "cried the little boy. f ";tVhat is the matter ?y/, asked, 'the kind 'clrd-\ w il\ farver-'s been be-^b-bedting "\iie." Well, cfceer up, my":little man; most fa hci". flaj.e to beat; lit|l^ boys,, at times,, if 'they're naughty1;—" i?u* 'you doj^'t" know my larver. He ain't like ether farvers. He's'in the brass band and beats the big drum. So it hurts ever so much more HIS HONoVIt AS AUCTIONEER. ,Siied",fo-r- storage and repairs to a hir-lined <>ver(:oat. Captain Seymour Llargcr said "at. Baompton that the coat had never, been fit for anything since the plaintiff firm first stored it, and allowed the moth to get'into it. fl Selfe (after a careful, examination of ft^e' cQf t) You say this is lip %ood There are ?nany of us here who would be proud to .possess it (Laughter.)" Ar^ you ^prepared to' sell it at a great reduction? (Renewed laugh- ter.) *■ i Defendant was understood to reply in the aftirnuilive. Judge Selfe .(looking round the, "court): Now, then; what bids? (Loud laughter.) MAKING AN OFFER. lly. J. S. Murray Fisher, who was stated to be-a journalist, with ni6e, offices in High jlplborn,.and.the, Foprietor, of a paper, was sued at Clerkenwell for £ 1 9s. Perusing a card handed up to hip^, the judge* said, "I see this is Pisjjep-'s Mirror of the House of Commons -—>a -very interesting publication, I should think, if they mirrored everything that has taken place there lately." (Laughter.). Plaintiff: He lives in a first-class boarding; house and has his meals sent ly from a cafe. (Laughter.) What is this'debt for? — For whisky sup- plied. The Judge Oh! (Laughter.): He writes to say that he has never received a summons, otherwise it would have been attended to. He mentions 5&. pEW month, and goes on to say, "I make- the offer with eight children1:" (Laughter.) He does not meail that he offers yc,ii zthe cihiltlten -:but it is part of a statement that he has eight children and two sisters;j to keep. .71 c MIGHT HAVE BEEN WORSE. N A, man charged at Marylebpne with being drunk and incapable-, said lie wasn't so drunk that he couldn't remember the policeman ,who arrested him. Mr. Plowden: Oh, you think you inight have been more,, drunk. v 1 bu, ENGAGED ALL HER LIFE. 'Wl A "Bow barman, named Camp, was charged -it Old-street with being concerned in the un- lawful possession of a number ofarticles, ftnany of which he had presented to his swct7 beart, a girl named Sills. < The latter, called as a witness, said the rxesents were no surprise,- as"she 'expected'" presents, and had been lobkin, for a ring. (Laughter.) How long have you been engaged to this voung man?—Well, I've been r engaged to him ill my life. (Loud laughter.) Asked if she was not surprised at getting such things as silver-fruit forks, shawls, a sil- ver brush, etc., Miss Sills replied that they were of no use to her, as she was a hard- working girl, and had' no time to stare into mirrors on the backs of brushes. (Laue;hter.

'THE AliBROATH ASTERv>I y¡

MEN WHO LOST THEIR MEMORIES.

LADY AND RUNAWAYS.

^RUINED BY THE SEA.

[No title]

...,c..... REMARKABLE BIGAIY…

SKATING RINK CASE ENDED.

BRIGHTON MYSTERY SEQUEL.

INDIAN OFFICIAL SHOT.

Advertising

" KILLED BY MOI.TE.N STEEL.

CAST ON A DESERT ISLAND. i

DISASTROUS GAS EXPLOSION

[No title]

---------------FATAL FIRE…

SUICIDE'S STKA-NGE JLiEQUEST.

[No title]

^ rl ;■ ,'j—— ¡;:;'-\"-,}-Ii,"¡<"f'"..--i............,…