Carnarvon and Denbigh Herald and North and South Wales Independent

[Aix ITOHTS RESERVED.] j DESTINY'S TOY. BY SIR GIBERT CAMPBELL, BART., Author of "The lystery of Mandeville S(itiarf- "A Wave of I-Ii-ail Power," 14 Wild and Weird,' The Romaice of the Ruby," etc., etc. A:D PHILIP MAY, Author of "Love: the Reward," "A Life's His tory, ".ElOO.OO," "The Weird Mystery," etc., etc, YJTAPTER XV. "TEU, ME THE TRUTH." Mrs. Trevclyan chanced to open her desk, after her step-daughterhad gone out, on what errand she did not know Under the strain of constant anxiety the hauler's wife was already breaking down, when she noticed that some of her papers were missing. She looked around in terror, but no one was present to witness her suffering, no one was near enough k) hear her sobs. After weeping for some time, she put her hands to her feverisi and throbbing temples, and appa- rently tried ;o think. At last she seemed to remember. Sie had certainly returned the papers to the desk ufter showing them to May and now— now— She took u> a sheet of note paper, hurriedly wrote a few lites to her husband, and then, thongh i she was very veak, she returned to her room, put! on her bonne; and jacket, cast one last glance round what lud been in the past her happy home, and fled. Once outsidt the house she seemed to recover her presence of mild, and to act not upon the impulse lof the moment but upon some preconceived plan' At the top of Tquity Lane she took a cab, and told the Unver to jnt her down in Russell Square; and when she aligited, she looked round to see that frhe had not xen followed, and then walked quickly to 87, Tiuihlford Street. There she hesi- 1ated for a nument, but then, overcoming her! hesitation, rang the bell violently; and when she v.-as admitted, .see asked to see Mrs. Ablett. admitted, .see asked to see Mrs. Ablett. The banker's wife was shown into a small parlour on tl?e ground floor, which the landlady I reserved for icr own use, whilst letting all the larger sitt ing rooms. The furniture was old and shabby, and the room was dark and dreary but Mrs. Trcvelynn took no notice of anything, whilst she was w;iiti)g for Mrs. Ablett. Y\ hen she heard someone coming downstairs, Mrs. Trevelytn rose from the seat which she had taken and uhen the lodging-house keeper entered the room, tie banker's wife looked at the poor woman very fiercely, and then said in a tone of command :— Tell inp- eie truth. Mrs. Ablett stared for a moment at her visitor, and then enquired gently, "You are Mrs. Majori- bank3—that is to say Mrs. Trevelyan, arc you not?" I have come to ask you who and what I am." "I do not quite understand you," Mrs. Ablett answered. I gave you a little help a few years ago, which you returned over and over again when you became wealthy and I had grown poorer and poorer but you ceased to help me some two or three years ao, and since then I have heard nothing of you." "Mr. Ablett," the banker's wife said in a tone of entreaty," you know my history. Al! I have to add to what I told you, when we met last, is that lie has been making me pay blackmail. When you helped me, I told you my sad story, but you did not tell me yours in return. I had no right to ask then—I have indeed no right to ask now—but since I received yonr letter, saying that you were not his wife, I have never known an hour's peace of mind, and I entreat you to tell me the whole truth." Whilst Mrs. Trevelyan had been speaking the landlady's look of surprise had gradually increased, and now she asked in bewilderment, You say I wrote that I teas not his wife ?" "Yes," Mrs. Trevelyan answered. Oh he is viler even than I thought," Mrs. Ablett exclaimed. "Do tell me all," Mrs. Trevelyan pleaded. You now that it is not curiosity that prompts me to ask. Either you or I have the misfortune to be his wife. Tell me who it is." "I am his wife," Mrs. Ablett answered. "Sit down," she continued, seeing the slight smile of satisfaction which for a second brightened the sad face of the banker's wife, and then died away. "You shall have my story in return for yours. God alone knows which of us poor women has suffered most through him. Ah you think there is no doubt about that. Wait till you know what I have suffered." Mrs. Ablett paused for a while and then con- tiliiied Richard Ablett is my cousin. My father and arete brothers, and my uncle was a ana c uaren huf. my parents were poor, whilst his "were rich, and he was clever whilst I was always rather dull wntli my books, and so I always looked up to him from the very first. I think I must have loved him as a child, at any rate I cannot recall the ume when IWi1:s not his humble and obedient little companion. f is wishes were laiv to me from the tirst, and 1A '^ver hesitated before obeying his com- mands. D/y did not like the shop, and would nve nothing- to do with it and when he was eighteen he was taken into the Riokniansworth • Kink as a cleric, and we were proud of him. He joined the volunteers, and after a time obtained a commission but before this lie had left Itiekmans- worth." I^always thought he was the son of a elerey- man, Mrs. Trevelyan remarked, when the land- lady paused. I, "He alYays used to tell people that, if they Knew notiiing about him, for lie was ashamed of his i folks. Before he went away, too, he was, I think, lasnamed of me and certainly my dresses were very shabby, for we were very poor, and the shop had been sold. But after he had been away some time, lie remembered me, and sent me a present of 1 handsome dress and when lie came back from Birmingham, where he was cashier in a bank, he !old mo ho loved me. I really cannot find wordj .hat would tell you how happy I was; or perhaps II may be ahlc-you loved him—" Mrs. Trevelyan slightly inclined her head. Well," continued the landlady, "I loved him more than you loved him. You were fairly happy when he came, I was miserable. We were always lighting to kc-p the wolf from the door, seldom successfully, aid you may guess what that means to a young g rl with several brothers, and no mother, sister or servant. He had long been the hero of my dreims, and he came to me like a prince from fairylant to drive away my troubles and cares, and to strew my path through life with from fairylant to drive away my troubles and cares, and to strew my path through life with flowers. "I had real a good many books, novels and suchlike, for ve had a good library attached to the political club b which my father paid—or ought j to have paid—, shilling a year as his annual sub- scription. Th're was nothing extra to pay for the use of books even if there had been, my father would have be quite willing to promise to pay it, he being devoed to me, and over free with his promises. Well, boot reading and indulging in day- dreams made re discontented with my lot in life. The rough chilren, my vulgar neighbours, and our condeseending)atrons, were all distasteful to me I wanted to -4cape from the meanness and the poverty of my surroundings and oh more than all the rest I vinted to he a lady. "My cousir Dick-as I said before-came back quite the gen eman and my heart went out to him, almost hfore he had spoken to me of love. When we wer married I loved him far more than my own soul; nit though at times Dick was kind to me, he was ar more often cross and cruel. I don't sa, I was altogether free from blame. My habits wee not free from vulgarity, I did not quite know hcv to play my part as a lady, and I never could loronghly understand all the mys- tei ies of etiqutte, though I poured over boolcs on the subject til I was weary and tired. Perhaps, too, when Dk blamed me, not without some cause, I answred more sharply than I need have done. My love <ed hard, and when it went my heart 'Was almost b,ken as well as quite void. I had been jealous lid not without reason. About this time my fatlir died, and my brothers were an°ry with me hecuse I could not help them; but Richard thoh too free-handed with hiH hoon companions s very niggardly at home, and he f wouici not lemie do anything tor my own folks. He had negle.ed me for some time, and at last I learned that had a rival whose fetters were more powerful thar.hose by which he was bound tome. Still, he qiie back to me—to my sorrow. He seemed p,enittt, and I thought it my duty to for- give. Thenifter a while, he was so kind, affec- tionate, and aparently determined to atone for the past, that almost forgot my past sorrows in my present j<. "It was, hyever, too good to last. One day he sent me up town to cash a cheque. He ex- plained to m(liftt it had been given to him by the lady to who it was made payable, and lie said that this oh lady had taken a fancy to him because wheishe first saw him in the bank she thought he clely resembled her only son who had died. The o Jady was ill and could not go up to town herselfhe could not get away from the bank and I 'sfi to go, and say-if I were asked —that I wasfclie lady mentioned on the cheoue. and give lief ali'ess, with which Dick supplied me! "I did tic care to go with the iu ten tion of telling a ie.f necessary but my husband said telling a le,f necessary but my husband said that much oended upon it, the old lady being rich and geyous as well as fond of him, and at last I yieldero his entreaties. "The chee, I found, was for over a thousand s, and rhaps I was a little nervous in pre- v iQ. rtainly I was suspected, questioned, and then arrested for presenting the forged clleque and when suddenly I became conscious of how II hod been deceived by my husband, and told the' truth, no one believed me, though Richard was immediately arrested. "His poor heart-broken father supplied him with ample funds for his defence, but there was little that his counsel could urge on his behalf except his previous good character; and this in- deed did him more harm than good, for his em- ployers then came up to swear to several embezzLe- committed by Richard which had not been' discovered at the time when we were both com- mitted for trial. As to myself a young counsel defended me at the suggestion of the judgo. He would not let me T:ill the whole truth as 1 wished to do, but he| (ileaded that I had acted under the coercion of my, husband, and eventually I was acquitted and dis- Richard was convicted and sentenced to seven years' penal servitude, and i was left alone in tliej i;hr of my direst need. My father-in-law would I not help me in any way, as he said that Dick v.-ould never have gone wron" if I had been a good and economical housekeeper; he was very vexed with Inc, and he called me hard names and lie even said that it was I who had led his son into :omptat;on. The rich furniture of our home he pointed out as a proof of my extravagance and in ins anger he would not listen to me trying to ex- plain that my husband had chosen everything and •'btained all the goods OIl credit in spite of my remonstrances. My father-in-law had not long left the house 'Hum all it contained was taken possession of upon behali of the receiver in bankruptcy and I was turned away, though I was about to become a mother. My servant's parents offered me shelter, out when they discovered that I was absolutely i ennihvss they turned me out as quickly as possible -filo, and my little one born m their house. Where to go I could not think. There was the workhouse, of course but I had no idea how 1(: it e,- ) obtain admission to that place, which I dreaded more than death. I wandered on aimlessly, carry- ing my babe, until at last I had to give in and lie down by the roadside. I remember saying a prayer for my.self and my little one, and then all was blank for a long time. "I was in the house of a nonconformist minister when I was restored to consciousness, ami my baby v/as by my side. The good people were very kind to iiie, and when I had confided my story to the minister's wife, she persuaded me to allow her hus- band to write to Richard's father. The answer was not received for some days, and it was not in my uncle's handwriting but I was told to come at once, and directly I was strong enough I started on my journey with my boy. When I readied my uncle's, I was at first refused admission by my own brothers and when I had gained an entrance, my father and my brothers all denied me. I was sadly changed, it is true, but they could have recognised me had they been willing. "They were quarrelling amongst themselves, and were only agreed upon one point, which was that no one could mistake me for Mrs. Richard Ablett. "My uncle, as I learned from the conversation going on, was dead and he had left me all his money, except the sum of five hundred pounds, which was to be paid to Richard upon his discharge from prison. He had loved his son dearly, and had been inordinately proud of the gentleman of the family, and when Richard had been convicted, the poor father returned home a broken-hearted man. He fell ill, and then wanted me and when I could not be found, he advertised for me, and according to my relations the advertisement had been an- swered by an impostor. This they were all ready to swear. "Still, they did not make any attempt to turn me out of the house and after a time they begau to propose that some compromise should be effected by which I was to share the property with them. I thought of my baby boy and refused. Then they came down, and were willing to acknowledge me, if I would give them a fourth, an eighth, a sixteenth of the property, if I would give them ten pounds each, if I would stand them a supper and soil) I),, to drink. When I said I had no money even to accept their last offer, they fetched the lawyer who had drawn up the will, and when he had given me a few pounds, they held an orgie, and made me determined to get away as quickly as possible. For this purpose my uncle's solicitor gave me his assistance. I was a ricji woman, and I could live where I liked so I went far away from my rela- tives, and the lawyer, who sent me my rents, would never tell them where I was gone. Until Richard came out of prison, my life was uneventful. I was happy with my boy, who was enjoying his sixth birthday when his father came to claim—not us but the five hundred pounds. We were living quietly, and fortunately lie did not h 1'n "IS' ,ii.ch. I was: otherwise he might have pity and my love. However, he only came for hia gold, and I paid him and he went away, and did not return until he had squandered his legacy. Then, acting under the advice of my solicitor, T made him an allowance, to be paid to him abroad and for some years lie did not trouble me except with begging letters. When he married you, I still supposed that he was abroad for I Was still sending him his allowance to a foreign address. I helped him at the trial, intending to send him abroad again if lie were acquitted but he was sentenced, and until you obtained employment we were together. When we parted, my son was becoming a trouble to me. I gave him a good edu- cation, and did all I could for his happiness, but he was first a cause of anxiety, then of misery to me. "At last he was tempted to commit a crime, and a Mr. Majori banks learned all about this, and made me give him nearly all I possessed. You were kind enough to help me in my distress, until—" Until I received a letter from yon saying that you were not the legal wife of the man whom we both married," Mrs. Trevelyan said. I never wrote the letter." "No, Mrs. Ablett, it was Richard Ablett, whom 11 knew as Percival Berkeley, and who has been drawing blackmail from us both as Augustus1 Majoribanks—" 0 Majoribanks the landlady exclaimed. Yes. Did you not know who Majoribanks was?" Mrs. Trevelyan asked. "No, indeed I did not," the landlady was say- ing, when there was a loud knocking at the front door, and almost directly afterwards Paul Mose3 and a police sergeant were shown into the little room. We have a search warrant," Mrs. Ablett," the detective began. Ali Mrs. Trevelyan," he ex- claimed, I am glad to see you here, I have good news for you, though bad for Mrs. Ablett. We have arrested Richard Ablett, alias Berkeley, alias' Majoribanks, and his son John Ablett, alias Berkeley and we have reason to believe that a part of the property stolen from the Metropolitan and Midlands Bank will be found on these premises." (To be continued).

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They wiU bo found a most efficacious; remedy for darangoraent of the digestive organs, and for torpid action of the liver and bowels, wh icbproduce indigestion an4t.be savera! varieties of biKou* and liver They speedily remove the irritation and feverish state of tha stomach, allay •pastes, corrrct the morbid condition of the livsr and organs subservient to digestion, promote a due and fesalthy secretion of bile, and relieve the congtitut,ion of all matters and other impuritie3 which, •fopcr^tirg in the Wood, most injuriously affect the action ot the kidneys; thus, by removing the causee productive of so nmch discomfort they UJ8 Gergies both of body and mind. To those who indulge in the luxuries of the table, obese Pills will prova highly useful, occasioning no pain i their action unless they meAt with an unusual quantity o! acrid bi'e and acid matter in the stomach and howaU To Europeans, on their arrival m India or CIVM. they are recommended as a preservitive against fatal disorder peculiar to a tropical climate. Th.ir occasional ur combined with the strictest ar.tou tion to diet, will be frequently found to romore at once, by their influence over the secretion*, that congestive and unhealthy condition of tho iivfi which is 60 ofteu the earliest anteccriont of serer. febrile and constitutional disturbances. It mutt ba understood that these Pills are not rsccn:amended all containing any new or dangerous!) active ingredients; on contrary, they arr characterised by a ramr.rkabls simplicity of combma tioa, and whatever they may be found to P()I\Sc depends as much upon the selection of pure dr.igs, and the unusual labour and attention bestowed 8ir subsequent preparation, ad upon the action ledged peculiarity of their composition. Tbay art not recommended as a panacea, nor are they adapted to all complaints; but as a mild and eflicucvu* apsrientand tonic in the various forms of indijiesnos. it will not perhaps be an exaggeration to state they have been resorted to under systems of diet changes of climate, or atmospheric alterations, with as extraordinary iegrae of success for 86 yea-a. This eclobrateft Family Aperient may be throughcat the United Kingdom in boxes S China, New Zealand, and Australian Colorde*. ANTIBILIOUS PiLLS, The oldest PATENT MamciNR la y»a For INDIGESTION, Bn.ions Awn LTTXI Co*rrA.iNT». in boiw> i- -w ItlrG BUJOD IS THE UFE7 KIWI, WORLD-FAMED THE GREAT BLOOD PURIFIES AND RESTORER FOR CLEANING and CLEARING the BLOOD r from all IMPURITIES, cannot be too highly) commended. For Scrofula, Scurvy, Skin Diseases,' Pimples, and Sores of an kiuds, it is a never-hiling and permanent cure. Cures Old Sores. Cures Ulcerated Sores in the Neck. Cures Ulcerated Sore Legs. Cures Blackhcads, or Pirr.ple. on Face. Cures Scurvy Sores Cures Cancerous Ulcers. CuresRlood and Skin Disease. CuresGlandular Swellings. Clears the Blood from all Impure matter, from! whatever cause arising. As this mixture is pleasant to the taste, and war- ranted free from anything injurious to the most delicate constitution of either sex. from infancy to old age. the Proprietors solicit sufferers to give it a trial to test its value- THOUSANDS Of TESTIMONIALS FROM ALL PARTS. 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I TEST THEM FREE OF CHARGE. Write for samples of Frazer's Sulphur Tablets, naming this paper, and they will be sent you gratis and post free, -t Frazer's Sulphur Tablets are the pleasant- f3t and most efficacious of all Spring medicines. They are in- valuable in the treatment of all i Hood and Skin Diseases, Erup- tions, Eczema, &e. They are specially indicated for children, Leing alike safe, pleasant, and efficacious. As a remedy for women's complaints they are unequalled. They are preventive of Chills, Colds, Rheumatism, and Constipation, and are of great service in the treatment of these complaints. They are the best I of all blood purifiers, and ward off influenza and infectious com- plaints. Those who desire a good com- plexion and skin, clear, healthy, and free from blemish, are es- pecially recommended to use Frazer's Sulphur Tablets intern- ally, and Frazer's Sulphur Soap externallY.'d> The last-named is the purest of all soaps, and abso- lutely the best. 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I Frazor's Sulphur Tablets possess an expulsive power by which the inner skin I pores are freed from mor- bid secretions by which the normal conditions of health are restored. Frazer's Sulphur Tablets render the blood asceptic or disease resisting, so that the germs wither away. This gradually abates the symptoms un- til they at last cease to trouble, Frazer's Sulphur Tablets are antiseptic and purify- ing in action, and retard the growth and multiplica. tion of disease organisms of the disorders named. No remedy ever intro- duced has the same valu- able properties of safety, simplicity, and efficacy for children as have Frazer's Sulphur Tablets. And they are so pleasant that their administration is a pleasure. And they do so much good, with such ab- solute safety. Frazer's Sulphur Tablets are of the greatest efficacy in all disorders of the natural functions, whether of men, women, or chil- dren. They disperse the congestions of blood which paralyse the natural ac- tions. After damp or chill, or before exposure to wet and cold, take one or more of Frazer's Sulphur Tablets. This will keep the inner pore equally expanded and prevent the feverish gene- ration of impure elements. This method is simple and pleasant yet efficacious. RJPEST THEM FREE OF CHARGE. Write us a letter or post card, naming this paper, and we will send you samples of Frazer's Sulphur Tablets gratis and post free. They are for internal use for the blood, skin, rheumatism, and constipation, and for the complexion. They are put up in packets, price Is. lid. (post free Is. 3d.), and are for sale by most Chemists and Medicine Vendors. SOLE PROPRIETORS:- F RAZEWS TABLETS, LTD., 11, LVDGATE SQUARE, E.Ct /■ I I t

i-ne wire ot a Urantham hair-dresser,named Tap- lin, has given birth to triplets-two girls and a buy —but all three died shortly alter birth. At a meeting of the Sunday Society, at Prince', ilail Lord Brassey was elected President of the Society, in succession to Mr. J. T. Brunner, ML P. The American section of the Theosophists, sitting in annual conclave, has declined to accept the resig- nation of Colonel Olcott, the president. The first consignment of English gooseberries from Cornwall reached Covent Garden Market, London last week, and realised I Is. a gallon. The Duke of Fife will preside at the next annirer- sury festival of the Frieuds of the Clergy Corporatiuii, at the Hotel Metropole, on the 25th just. Mr. Thomas Osborne, Conservative, has bpn ejected member for the Chelmsford division without opposition, in room of Mr. Beadel (0.). deceased. Saturday, the 14th inst., has beeu. appointed for I he private view of the Summer Exhibition of the lthli Century Art Society at the Conduit Street Gal- leries, London, and the Exhibition will open to tho public on Monday, the 16th inst. The Board of Trade Commission at Blackburn has ordered Messrs. ,T. and W. Taylor, cotton manufac- turers, to pay £ 100 to the widow of a fireman named Barton, who was killed by the explosion of a steam economist. A Lisbon telegram says intelligence has been re- coived there from Quilimane that H.M. cruiser Mohawk went ashore on that coast, but soon after- wards floated, with the assistance of the Portuguese gunboat Liberal. The annual meeting of the Dramatic and Musical Sick Fund took place, at the offices of the fund, in London. The chairman reported that S575 had boen received, part of a legacy by Mr. Edwards, and that the fund now possessed iinvardi of £ 3.000 About eight o clock the other morning Mr. W. Howard, brewer, of Syke Street Brewery, Preston, was found dead in his office by his commercial tra- veller. The deceased gentleman was left in his office by the traveller about ten o'clock on the previous uight, engaged in business affairs. The theatre in St. Martin's Lano, London, built by Miss Violet Melnotte, and henceforth to be known as the Trafalgar Square Theatre, has been leased by Mr. M. Levenston for a term of years. The building is very nearly completed, but Mr. Levon- -dou has arranged that the opening shall not take place until the autumn. Lord Halsbury's bill permitting accused persons to give evidence is the law in New South Wales, there the question has arisen, Should the prisoner be sworn in the dock or the witness-box? One judge insists that the prisoner must remain in the dock, but the majority allow the accused to testify in the box like any other witness

Outt(up from tit etam(to. (From PUNCH.) AwiuRy! Aweary !Miss Certainage (who has been studying Schopenhauer, and has come to the conclusion that there is nothing but sorrow in life, sadly): Ah, Major, I'm sure I shall die young! Ethel: Oh no, aunt dear, I'm certain you won't." "OnME is Sweet Orme "-Orme is still off solid food, and is kept alive entirely by Porter. It is the opinion of the best informed that Porter with a head on will pull him through. Smok- ing is not permitted in the stable, but there is evidence of there being several "strong backers about. WHEN Pain and Anguish Wring the Brow." —The Minister: Well, Janet, how did you like your new doctor, Dr. Elizabeth Squills?" Janet: Well, sir, only pretty well. Ye see, sir,Dr. Eliza- beth so loddylike as some of our ain men doctors' MIXLID.-Untler the heading A Tragic Affair," it was recently .stated in a paragraph, how a lady had boeu shot by a. discharged servant." It would have boeu better if the servant, on being discharged, had gouo oif and injured nobody. SOCIAL Problems Not Happily Solved.—Husband Oh, Sir John, so glad you have called !-and so kind of Lady Dashwood to have asked us to her party!-but we are quite in a fix when to oome, j because the card say,3 "Early and Late." Sir; John: "Oh, I think I can tell you. Send your, wife very enrly indeed, and you can come as late as you liko Hush md (who does not quite see it); o. Thanks thanks very many thanks 1 (From FUN. i HAVE you seen the trees in our village, m'sieu?", Intelligent Foreigner: No, not all. I have been ze grand Tree in your llamlet.' A FAR Greater Terror.-Tho Lady Adela (waiting to be presented) 1 really begin to feel very ner- vous, Mother The Couuless Of what, my love r Of Her Royal Highness ? TheLady Adela: Ch, no, mother—of my train." Kveu heard a jackdaw swear? No; but! ve seen a cro(w)-cus(s) HAYMAKING ExTr.AOEDiNARY. Though philosophers say That we ought to make hay While the sun shines, we're bound to confess That we're bonud to make A" In the middle of M-A-Y, Whether sunshine or shower we possess. ON Art.—Fond Mother And so you think the Elgin Marbles the best, Mr. Brush ? Our Artist: "Uh, yes: decidedly so." Fond Mother: "I should be so much obliged to you if you would get a few for my Johnny next time you're in town, Mr. Brush, if they're not too expensive! The dear child's always losing bis (A fact). WHEN a crowd (ought to be written "crow-d") of crows are making a noise all at once, can it be correctly described as a caw-rus ? ADVANCE, Democracy !—Figure on doorstep (with an air of tone and dignity): "Will you tell the person of the house, my jdear, that the lady what cleans her steps every Saturday is, uufortinitly, laid up iu bed with an attack of gout, and has sent a lady friend of hern to act as hunderstudy at the usooal charge P (From J-UDY.1 THB Polite Letter Writer.—Mistress (writing a letter for her maid) Anything more ? Maid: Just say, please, Miss, that my pen is bad, I hasn't got a dictionary 'audy, so please excuse bad spellin' and writin' BAtt WELLERISMS "Waiting for something to turn up," as the old whist player said when his partner was a long time dealing. This is a close bûrough," as the man complained when he corporation cut down his salary. Won by a neck," as the fair rival exclaimed when the- prize at a beauty show was given to a young lsdy with a decollete' bodioe. "A dead heat," as the sporting man replied when he vas asked what he had seen at Woking Crematory. I shall proceed to extremities," as the cyclist said who was gcing to ride from the Land's End to John o' Groats. This is a kindness which can never be returned," as the man said when he tovrowed an umbrella. RATJIKR Particular !-lie (stranger): Will you dance with me ? She: "With pleasure-if you get an introduction." NOT the Tig's Fault.—Wife On the eighteenth of May we shnll celebrate our silver wedding. Don't you think we ought to kill the fat pig and have a feast ?'' Husband Kill the pig 1 don't see how the unfortunate animal is to blame for what hap- pened twenty-live years ago." CAN You Swallow It?—Good style of decoration for a banqueting hall Gobelin tapestry. WHONOSE? Home governesses have Grecian noses, in Qtjh.^r^tbe foature^is aquiline, but the majority of A P .4.BADox.-IT is strange, but true, that a man of small mental calibre is nearly always a tremen- dous bore. (From FUNNY FOLSS.) HAUGHTY Culchaw !—Bill: "I say, Jack, wot's this 'ere 'Orti-cultural Exhibition as they've just opened?" Jilek:" 0h, I dunllo. Something to do with the'aughty swells, 1 suppose." CUTTING.—Uncle Allcash "So, Tom, they tell uio you are now a very promising young fellow." Tom Spendthrift: Er—it's very good of you to say so much. Er—who's boen talking about me ?" Uncle _i.jles.sh: "Your tailor." Knill Dsspeianduiu.—The retirement of Mr. Al- derman Cowan makes it morally certain that Alderman KuiK will be the next Lord Mayor. Well all we can ..r.y is, 'Tis a Knill wind that blows nobody any good." A Cxoia) Mine.—" Miss Bullion has promised to be mine," ancouuced Slimbadger. "And how many ounces to the ton do you thiuk she'll assay?" inquired Lmj speculative friend from Chapel-court. II CHANGING thtl Conversation.—She Well, Lucy Baxter's pretty en- ugh in her way, I'll admit, but her features are sadly wanting in regularity. Her pug-uose He: Quite a number of clever tricks, doesn' he ? He's certainly the most intelli- gent d"ggums I ever came across." A NOTE from the Chest. I say, old chap," said that embient tenor Quaver, "how are you off for cash? I want awfully to raise a tenner." "My dear fellow," replied that equally eminent basso Crotchet, "if you want to raise a tenor, why the deuce don't you lift up your voice ? A HOSTAGE From Fortune.—" There's that lovely Mr. Shortedge. They say that, financially speaking, his wife is a burden to him." Poor fellow. I it takes all her dowry to support him alone." WINE Shades.—Spirits of wine. GAIIDSNING Note for the Mouth.-A Swell Shrub -frbt, Haw-Haw-thorn. WHENEVER we hear of a fresh explosion in France,, we are reminded that Anarchist-ory has a habit of repeating itaelf. (From MooNsniNE.) MB. HARK f.yn that acting has greatly improved during the lan i 0 ) ears. 1 £ thia is so, why do not some of our theatres engage Fictor3 ? A DRY F OBJECT. Why go for wal.-r to a spring Which yields no longer ? That's the thing. To some folks "acural it seem* To mildly wander to ex-tit- ams. WE are glad to that the TQ-ta-rt. boom seems to have had its ua-ay. IWSI MARTYRS." [" Archbishop Walsh 'r sutu<j .a6d a number of witnesses before the E';C.v,1I"t; t Court, now sit- ting in Dublin, for the pu:"r:)" collecting evidence relating to the Irish martyrs."j These "Irish Martyrs," men were they Who, ever watchful, scorned to prey r- Though scarce in sileucc did they come; Faucy an Irish Martyr-dumb MR. JUSTICE WRIGHT has been saying some plain words about company promoting. Quite Wright. There is too much soft soap wasted on those bub- ales. IRRECTJTABI.E Logic.— Jacky (to little sister) • You must give me tho largest half of your apple Jenny, because you know mamma says we mustn't be greedy." IT'S all very well to have a secret sorrow," but for all that, its rather a moanopoly. Mn. JUSTICE LOPES is of opinion that there is a great deal of collusion in undefended divorce cases. There is certainly very little clue shown as to any real grounds for a separation. Unfortunately, the more decrees the more increase in this sort of thing. Still, the parties have a nisi for effect.

NOT on the Line. — Smudger's position as a painter is a high one." ««How high?" Skr- high!" COUNSEL: it Will you state on oath that the de- fendant sent you for aqua-fortis P Witness- I I WaU, I m certain about the I 'aqua,' but not about the number. It might 'ave been aqua-forties or Bqua-iifties." The Queen has contributed J650 to the Royal Maternity Charity, which will hold its Triennial Fes- tival on tho 17th inst. Griffiths Jones,a guard on the Cambrian Railway, who had charge of an excursion train from Chester races, has been killed at Welshpool, by falling between the platform and the carriages. A grant of 30,000 roubles is said to have been mado to another Russian "scientific expedition to the Chinese province of Szechuen and the neighbour- ing table-lands of Thibet. The case of Kelly v M'Carthy,which has reference1 to the Paris funds has again been mentioned in Mr. Justice North's court, and by consent ordered to stand over for another fortnight. 11 Madame Sarah Bernhardt is to make her reap- pearance in London shortly, when she will commence a short season at Mr. D'Oyly Carte's Royal English ] Opera House in Cambridge Circus. I

Ete FanM, Gitrtfeit., S;C. HMMZMNG on BBDDii«j-PL&5res.—Get all tO houses cleared of these summer garden as soon as possible the plants will be quite s*1 now under canvas or hessiau cloth at night, and vol be fully exposed on mild days. Out,tinge of ooleuses, and alternantheras, rooted now in a geD^j hot-bed, will be ready quite time enough to plant o next month. Of course, the plants will not get large, but young rapidly-grown ones are better tb^ larger, older ones, if only there is enough them, and leaf-bodding requires an abundance materials. v WINDOW GARDENING.—Plants intended for on side window-boxes should be shifted into largo rots to get strong, so that some effect may on afed at once. Pelargoniums of the scarlet .Ilee ivy-if!ved section, white and yellow marguenc lobelias, ind calceolarias, are among the plan most frequently met with in outside boxes, and probably used more largely than other pi"*0 because thoy bloom continuously. Fuchsias gone cut of fashion, and are not so well adapted l town culture as are geraniums and marguer1' Everybody purchases some one or other of various kinds of hard-wooded plants, such as heat^ various kinds of hard-wooded plants, such as hea azaleas, or genistas, and lose them through eg rØ" after flowering. If any of these plants require j potting now is the time to do it. Azaleas heaths should have peat and sand, and be p° very firm. Genistas are hardier, and will do loam and leaf-mould. Keep indoors and give ful attention till the new growth is getting fin0- UNSEATED Grkenhouse.—Any plants of a ten nature that one may wish to grow for the may bo purchased now with the certainty that will do well, and in the case of new houses just ere". ted that are waiting to he furnished with p'^ jy) few good tea rosos to trrdn over the roof int'l purchased in pots, and planted out iu a well p pared border, of which loam should form the sW/ old manure to the extent of one-third being & A cold-house devoted to tea and noisette roses *0. always be an agreeable feature, the free-gr0*?^ varieties to be trained to walls and the roof, especially now tho buds are unfolding, and who desires to turn an honest penny (and it out of their gardens now), will find tea pay if well cared for, especially in the matter of tilation, wateriug, &c. Mildew and green-fl/. „ tho things to guard against now. Gentle faait&p tiouH two or three evenings in succession will o troy tho flies, but mildew must be treated differo There are plenty of liquid mildew-destroyers now, and black sulphur dusted over the leaT5?hflf» kill mildew in about a couple of applications. no artificial heat is used to increase the of Ihe internal atmosphere, it is very important all border and other surfaces should be kept jØ øIa freshly-stirred, open condition, as this tends 80 to keep the atmosphere in a pure, buoyant c°fl 'tion. Any repottings required may be done D0* FRUIT GARDEN.—Plant melons in spare p frames for late summer use. A hot-bed necessary to start the plants, though it need p° ^8 of such large dimensions as is required early ae-tson. Better plant a hardy variety if there if much manure to form beds; if we happen to the warm summer we are wishing for, such ki° .j victory of Bath, little heath, and scarlet geJIl t foe* be grown with only a moderate amount of lkfl% koo, I yond the warmth of the sun if the growth i8 thin. Disbud peaches on walls. Thin the apricots where too thickly set. The nights hats very cold lately, and it will not be safe to take a 1 protections yet, but they should be removed JDj time if heavy coverings are used. Fishing-nets the sun and air can penetrate freely will not do harm, and if evergreen branches have beeO (ployed as shelters the leaflets will now be ^jjl gradually, and the young growths of the 'reeS(jif* get the full benefit of the gradual exposure. het' jiiquid-manure to the pears on the quince stock ticØ they occupy sunny positions. Special atteJl must be given to the ventilation of forcing- to lhis is, in faot, the most important work season, and any neglect will lead to insects a, dew being present. Never set doors open urn0 sun is excessively hot, and tho temperature c be kept down by tho usual ventilators. the borders and floors in the middle of the d very hot weather has a beneficial effect in the atmosphere genial and pleasant. Do lauch work «s grape thinning, peach tying, a" [0$t- removal of sublateral growth get in Gardeners often have to make very long day8 but most men will cheerfully do this rather see things go 'o ruin. Pines will require manure now, and a light shade will benecesfl^ bright days. taog OUTDOOR GARDEN.—Conifers that require P JtIotl into shape may be pruned new this refer8 J especially to the spiral-growing species, sU .1 arbor-vitres, cupiessus, &o., as beyond the re of dual leaders other species will not require pruuing. Any other evergreens which may a little knife work, such as hollies, laurels, bo> pruned. After a hard winter thore are i«u' • ° "i v ff r us.inus, buys, aud^aurels may in this respt>c' quire some help. Finish planting evergreens- ^jl tbiug which has beeu recently transplanted move very w'ell if proper attention is gi?e? wards. Still, for most soils, tho time is gettiD^ the for the work. Wherever int, planting is done 0t plants should be close at hand. Use weed-kill^j) walks, and givo the finishing touches to the 1 in the matter of digging out or oth^J destroying weeds, such as plantain8 [daisies; the grass will soon fill up now. weather becomes hot and dry new-laid turf sh^ q{ watered with the hose. I' iuish the prepars^^jf^J j sites for dahlias. Where fine blooms arc re<lfa-d some special preparation is necessary. Old ta*1 short manure should be worked in where is to be set. It is full late for planting l°Jg hocks, especially for early blooming. Still, plants m pots may be turned out into holes «ndA0{^ rounded wi h rich compost pressed round the r° i(J Ihe plants must be.watered regularly to induce ™ l and strong growth. Finish placing pansi^ [violas. The last named are ofteu used in with "geraniums," or as a groundwork to of fuchsias, &c., with considerable effect. stakes to carnations, and if the beds are V mulched attention should be given it now. A mulch of rioh compost saves in watering, and the plants do so much better. t't wallflowers and other biennials for next yteø blooming. Turn ivies out of pots, and peg down to cover bare places under trees, or °a banks. Vines may be planted for a simile pose. cold VEGETABLE GARDEN.—Harden off tomatoes 111 pits, but oover up at night with mat-s for the Fj sent. Not a plant should be sot out before thee the month. A frosted plant is not of IIlUon døt afterwards. Tomatoes swelling fruits in pots otbo glass must have stimulating food. tomatoes which are intended to fruit in 2°,hei» boxes are set out keep them well down so thtff alJj# may be room for a top-dressing later on i^ .all* to be required. Hub off all side shoots when tbroo It is a good plan to stop the leader when trusses of blossoms have been made—the &o*etlaf- bettor; later on another leador will break J# Early potatoes where not protected rfhef been cut by frost in many gardens. will start again, but they will not be so ably placed for producinc a cmn if a protection had beeu used. It seem3 y^g less to plant very early potatoes outside if cannot be done to shelter the young tops wben burst through the grouud. Drawing a little <>* gf dry surface soil over them is better than \j» but some better means of protection ought improvised for the very earliest crop on the border. Strong hessian cloth may be »n)' cheaply, and if tnfcen care of will last fo Yt(J.J Prick: out Brussels sprouts, early broccolif efor irom tho crowded seed-beds to get strong .j# sotting out later on. Prepare sites for vege g& marrows and ridge cucumbers. If seeds are reiU upon they may soon be planted. Cover inverted flower pots till growth is in progress- 1 off the pots on bright sunny days to get the gr° jjja warm. Vegetable marrows are very tender; least frost will destroy them. Boot, chicorf) 9 salsafy may yet be sown. Keep the hoe goil$j,g bright weather for tho treble purpose of kil weeds and pushing on growth and disl'ur!,l«' insects.—E. HOBDAY iu Gardening