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PACETIJE.

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PACETIJE. BONP OF THE bishop's lady—'• My love, my lore U over the see." it it that walks with its head downward? 4 nloil in a shoe. ?*llo°ning must be lots of fun, for aeronauts °J°Y it above all earthly things. ^^PHILOSOPHER once told a miser: "Ton do not ROSEAS your wealth, but your wealth possesses ''T^6 man who whitewashes ceilings iiLi says an exchange. What a ^^LL many a rose is born to blush unseen, and its fragance on the desert air; full many a !~P I0 ta'en behind the screen, and cloves, and too, are eaten there. < pentist. to old lady about purchasing some ALSO teeth: "For mastication, my dear madam, can only be surpassed by nature herself." th. Lady: II Oh, laws, doctor, I don't care no. about the xnastioation if I can only ohaw **TH »em." genuine Yankee thus advertises his truant On the 16th of August, on the night of eloped from her husband, the wife of His grief for her absence each day f?°*ing deeper, should any one find her, he begs "S to-keep her." UPOS LINK.—Teacher: What is meant by IVFO crossing the line?" 44When tbey sail over ML Equator." Teacher: "Do you know of &ny «R8^*line at sea besides the Equator? Scholar: TI ^B, sir, there's the Anchor and tho Allan and the Cunard Line, and sevexal others. Writer in a New York paper, giving his view R«HE difference between British and American S^HERS, said, American preachers pay great RATION to manners; British preachers pay very RJTLEBUT the printers made him say, •' AMORI- ST1 preachers pay great attention to manner; •LITIAH preachers pray very little." _A. teaoher, endeavouring to familiarise a little G*L with the various countries of the Western with little evidence of success, jr'ftlly asked, "If I were to bore a hole through earth, and you were to go through at this end, HERE would you come out? "Come out? re- JJHED ^E child. 41 Why, I'd come out of the hole, «*UBS.» .UTENELLE, at the age of 97, after saving many and gallant things to the young and beautiful "JJ^AAME Helvitius, passed her once without per- ceiving her. 44 See," said she, stopping and him, 44 how I ought to value your gal- RJUTRIEB! YOU pass me without even looking at LOOK a "^DAME," said the old man, If I had ^CD at YOU J could not have passed. ^CAII,0 goes for the first time to view the 8ista At her departure for home her WATA ?ECOInmends her to carry back some sea TOFLFIN111 A bottle. She goes down to the shore TAJ].? 8KER vial with water. "Better not fill it bei 6I ^AT, missy," said a Bailor, because it BUI?F L W WATER now, when the tide rises it'll the bottle." Miss Calino, quite convinced, 8 out half the water and departs. is a very small boy, just beyond the limits Babyhood, who is noted for his precociousneas, sometimes people try to corner him in a logi-' 41 WILY. The other day some one took him up asked him if he was papa's boy." He *&BWERED 44 Yes." And are you mamma's boy ?" answered Charlie. 44 Well, how can you ?? papa's boy and mamma's boy both at the same WAS asked him. Oh," replied the little indifferently, 41 can't A waggon have two ^RSES?" If anyone thinks about going over to Texas, he Juould be careful not to offend the inhabitants of H»at easy-going region by being too swellish. A TOUNG man made his appearance in the State a 7»ort time ago in a pair of white trouserB. He "ot e.s promptly escorted to the cars, put on board &0 them, and an injunction placed upon him never *i8it the place. "We can stand a biled shirt, LU know," a man exclaimed; "but, when it to wearing biled drawers, we muBt make FILT up and git!" -Phineaa RINA was one of the quaint types of Methodist preachers. He had a hard cultivate once, and when he made his ^RCV?, V^« Conference following he reported the PASSED up." The bishop-presiding ex- »>C £ £ SSURE, but asked for an explana- P&RISH. N^8L*»O one expected success in that *DDED *« TTR'JI was equal to the occasion, and *?<? can't I J5» BISHOI;, the church is on its back, any other way." There was a roar SUTER all over the Conference. M^^ING a popular concert given at Forfar, one J THE vocalists was singing with much taste the ^OOBITE ballad, 41 When the king comes o'er the L, *&ter," and he had arrived at the part where FF^ROINE defines her lineage in the following My father was a gnid lord's son, precocious iuvenile from the backbenches, M* WAS imposing on the audience, ohimed OM' Linna haver, sir! your father was a fish ^SHTE' 8AUY convulsed the house with lecturer on natural philosophy *XL& °NE EVENING dilating upon the powers of the TFCIN^T—defying anyone to name or to show any- 8Qrpassing its powers. An old gentleman ^^P'ED the challenge, much to the lecturer's TBFT1SE> hut he, nevertheless, invited him on to VOIMATFORM, when he told the lecturer that 11 WAA THE magnet of magnets, for if the JCIATONE on the table could attract a piece of MIO A foot or two, there was a young woman When he was a young man, used to attract miles every Sunday to have a chat with -New Hampshire, U.S., is a well known ^W^TIC individual, self-constituted curer of all *JV*ORT of panacea, "body and soul, head, CONSCIENCE doctor," who, with all his ^CT^TIES, has a fuad of actual wit that is CONOT long ago the doctor" was ?UN^PON the witness stand. The opposing 'Who is said sometimes to "wet his —^ With 11 liquor pizen," Knowing tne /TTINJJJ .peculiarities, ventured, in cross-ex- YO^ T1^, to show him up a bit. "What V^UA^I BUSINESS?" pompously inquired the J "MY business is to do what little good oCtcQ my feUowmen," modestly replied the ^OG] "But that doesn't answer my question," TEIQARKED the counsel. 44 How do you AIL Y°UR time?" "Why, squire, it takes about CTOI> time to do what I said," remarked the ^UTL V,BNTIWANT more definite," *L>OII T the counsel. 44 How do you go <5IF0A. YOUR business?" 44 That depends upon ^XNL^F according to the nature of the case." GOING to BJ" doctor. "For instance, if I were Would be TOD YOU« the first tiling I should do pledge!" ADVISE you to sign a tempt-rance In a western city QF A J^ONG fellows who PAINT?EI^OA there lived two a certain ocoasion 8*?NA for a livelihood. ^TQE outdoor business to ATTEN^E ^AD !JJDI0 IN charge of his partner A^D°« £ JFFT 4 TF PLOYED to grind paints. DURING W £ ° WAS C^^TNER, to gratify a whim, PAINFEJ" absence, REPRESENT a large gash upon HIS £ AS° V8, cut over the eye. .P^TERED the WITH red paint, clotted the boy'S TAIR }?WSDE him lie down M A corner, ALTEI- S5F painted a great gash OA hLS OWN bared his bosom, disordered his dress, a long-bladed knife in the red paint pot, PKJ^ITENTLV awaited the coming of his partner, afterwards he heard him at the door, and WJAE performance commenced. The partner TL IX» at the door, and saw the boy prostrate floor, groanjng, and crying "Murder! VN?' tables, benches, jugs, and paint pots I ^EWED round the room m dire confusion, V }>A^E murderous-looking partner, with the IN HIA uplifted hand, was rnnning !VE JHE room uttering wild and incoherent !S d<vJ0,LB' !T was evident to the artist at 1 that his partner had killed the boy. M AS lightning he fled to obtain assistance, J. NUNABER of friends were speedily mustered, ^PAIRED to the scene of the supposed terrible J CR°wd augmented as it neared the WLUR walked the whole poste; but in the ?! WLRAE everything had been set to rights—the as without a mark of any kind, the room iu • 0T^ER« NO marks of blood were perceptible, INAGEFL ^T who had been left at home was i 1X1 Painting a Bign. On hearing what he with, the latter declared his utter TK" whole matter, but took the ft CIWI °*Di»iributing business cards tunongst ART^" *'AND the result was a great influx ol A^ORDJ« BRAFLU R ?ATN«EL Morley, who so kindly got J^ITI°A I in for Northampton, spent £ 20,000, of °F BIA own seat, in securing O, 0E|l candidates. Is that the price of • T- Whitehall Review.

HEAVY FAILURE IN MANCHESTER.…

'UNERAL O? THE REV. DR. RALEIGH.

MARRIAGE AT WINDSOR CASTLE.

CONFESSION OF MURDER.

CHARGES OF MURDER.

THE WOLVERHAMPTON ELOPEMENT.

[No title]

--I RATE OF FREIGHTS FOB THE…

POSTAL REGULATIONS FOR NEWPORT.

[RATE OF FREIGHTS FOR THE…

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HEAVY SENTENCES ON ELECTION…

HABRON ON THE STAGE.