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MISCELLANY.

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MISCELLANY. CELESTIAL CON.—Why is wit like a Chinese lady's foot?— Because beauty is the sole of it. Why is Count D'Orsay a capital piece of furniture for a kitchen 7—Because he is a good dresser. Why is a fresh-plucked caination like a certain cold with which children are affected 1-Uecausc it is a new pink off an hooping cough. What sea would make a good sleeping room 1—The Adiiatic —a dry attic. What word of ten letters can be spelled with five 1 p d n c —Expediency. Why has a clock always a bashful appearance?—Because it always keeps its hands before its face. There is a Quaker in New Orleans so desperately upright in all his dealings, that he will not sit down to his meals. A Goon TOASTS—At a late agricultural dinner in Massachu- sets, the following toast was given :—" The game of Fortune Shuffle the cards as you will, spades will always win. JOHN JEFFERS ON TIIE JUDGMENT SEAT.—The Chicago Jlllencan finishes us with a portrait (a caricature, we presume) 0 ohn Jeftei's, Esq., a high judicial officer of the republic of exas 1 his individual is from New Jersey; and if he had ive in the days of Hogarth, he might have been immortalized 1°,011 colours. He is four feet six inches high, and six feet in thickness, with an abdomen worthy of Falstaff. When dressed out in his mu<i pumps, hunting shirt, and Mexican chapeau, he looks the Jac-iimile of the Jack of Clubs. His nose resembles a vermiliion pear half-way buried in a basket of strawberries. he following is a report of proceedings before him at the last court: — Republic of Texas'} versus 5 For stealing a mule. Jim Donogan. 3 The testimony was conclusive against the accused, Rnd thc prosecuting attorney declined summing up.—Magistrate: You must speak on this case, ord—n me, I'll discharge the criminal. You can't come it over old Jeffers by laying low and playing dummy. My judgment is, that the prisoner stole the mule; but as he is a poor man, this entirely does away with the cri- minal intention which constitutes a theft, as brother Bill used to say in the Jarsies, in similar cases—and brother Bill was a first chop lawyer. Then, as there was no criminal intention, the mule will belong to the prisoner, and the prisoner will be discharged by paying costs of prosecution. The prosecuting attorney will be sent off to the brig [the brig is an old hulk, that was driven on shore in 1837, the hold of which, in the absence of better accommodation, is used for a gaol] two days for con. tempt of court, in not arguing the case, and producing the law. The court will now adjourn all cases on the docket, till more ice arrives from New Orleans, for the court prefers ice in liquor this hot weather, anrlthe partiesmust bring it in liberally when it arrives, or they will be erased fiom the docket. Them's old Jelfers' sentiments. Now slope The following advertisement is from the Turkish Djt.ndec Ilai udis of the 13th Oct. :—" For sale, a black female slave, who is unique for playing the tiJdle, luic, mandolina, and dul- cimer and is, moreover, a beautiful dancer. Pnce a,uoo piastres (about £ 27. sterling.) Apply," &c. POPULAR DELUSIONS.— Among rho most absunl aud prepos- terous speculations th;1\ have Icceived cucouragement from lhe public, and which shows more completely than perhaps any other, is one recorded in Mackay's Memoirs of popular Delu- sions, as having been started by an unknown adventurer, enti- tied "A company for carrying on an undertaking of'great advantage, but nobody to know what it is." Were not the fact stated by scores of credible witnesses, it would be impossible to believe that any person could have been duped by such a pro- ject. The man of genius who.essayed this bold and successful inroad upon public credulity, merely stated in his prospectus that the required capital was half a million, in 5000 shares of £ 100, each, deposit £ 2. per share ind each subscriber, paying his deposit, would be entitled to .£100 pet annum per share. How this immense profit was to be obtained, he did not conde. scend to tnform them at that time, butprorrised that in a month full particulars should be duly announced, and a call made for the remaining £98. of the subscription. Next morning at nine o'clock, this great man opened an office in Comhill, crowds of people beset his door, and when he shut up at three o'clock, he lound that no less than 1000 shares had been subscribed for, and the deposits paid. He was thus, ill five hours, tbe winner of £:ZQOO. He was philosopher enough to bo contented with tiis venture, and set off the same evening for the continent.

CURIOUS EPITAPH.

LONDON MARKETS.j

SEED MARKET, Nov. 29.

HOP INTELLIGENCE.-Nov. 29.…

SMITHFIELD MARKET-Nov. 29.…

PRICES OF SHARES AT LONDON.

BRISTOL PRICES CURRENT OF…

TO E. F.—A FRAGMENT.

MOTTO SEAL.

THE FRENCH STEAMER " L'AIGLE."

BRITISH IROX COMPANY.

REPLY OF LORD JOHN RUSSELL…

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,,DOMESTIC NEWS.

CRIMES AND CASUALTIES. -

THE LATE FIRE AT THE TOWER.

PRIZES GIVEN BY AGRICULTURAL…

GREAT um-CORN-LAW MEETING…

PUNISHMENT OF DEATH.

WOOL MARKET, Nov. 29. jI

LATEST CURRENT PRICES OF METALS'…

BREVET.

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