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FIIZf",lL),)DI.E'S ('ONFLSSIONS.…

i\Y'}l'q1"'\.' \'''1' I…

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"SNIP,'' AT THE FALLS OF NIAGARA.…

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"SNIP, AT THE FALLS OF NIAGARA. The tailor made a single noteâ "Gods! whit a plate to sponge a coat." What is the etymology of the sentence "Apartment to be Answer, A part meant (apartment) to i)e It. Sw LP.'IVII IYF.S.â"John. I wish it was HS much in fashion to trade wives as it is to trade horses." Why so, Peter?" "I'd cheat somebody most shockin' bad afore night."â .\W Orleans Hull etui. By roar leaves, gentlemen," as the Y;¡nd said to the tiies in autumn. '⢠1 "ft be shot if 1 do," as the sparrow said to the heJge- popper. â¢' Wc", it's no use talk'ng," as the deaf lid said to his "Time fs laon: y," as the fellow said who stole the pa- tfnt L-ver watcn." I Father's dead," rcpíeJ f. Pead said the coxswain: "well, fathers d.« die sometimes: yuu must per on how ym(c?nw?Ht?uto?e. Id?n'tthitikhthcrst *Ve of much use: tor, you see, mothers take care of you [ tIN, ti, :-e )i(I enough to go to sea. My father did nothing for me, except to help mother to lick me, whew I was s. â Alarryut's Pereivui Kceue. j CONTM ri N\i- \'EKI)!CT.â'⢠Gentlemen of the Jury, .> i I what is yo'ir verdict?" We lind the | â .dity, '/he'll leave the town!" P:n v or,ULK.âThe favours which vou pursue are i.k-i iir o.va shadow. Fi)U?w[hem. you ca:.not catch t.i- rum uw (y iron) they will !otio\v you. TKETOTAL TEST.âThe young ladies in Vermont, it is said, t tough we do not believe it, stiil continue to kiss the lips ot y»»ttg Temperance men, to see whether they have u:¡ tl:II,erl!lg with toddy. â1 merican I'ajter. A boorish stupid fellow who had annoyed a genticin-iri with ui my sidv questions, at 1.,t asked iti'iiâ" Upon the VCCit,ii)'1 ,-)f a train passing us whether if a person should fit h, head out at the window of such train, and he pat i 1.is out at the same tiaie, they would irie.-t" Not unless i e â¢di'vild happen to be a much h,;ty:r heckled fellow than you are," was the reply. THE EASIEST CUtE roM. IVTENIPET;A\CF..â A man addicted to habits of intoxication was suffering the usual ¡"iser,llJle consequences, and, in a moment of repellt<lnCC, s ii 1 he would give anything to cure himself. "It is as » isy ,1" to open thine hand," said a (ill.II,r, Convince I.ied" tiiat," replant the inebriate, "and 1 will persevere in the experiment." "When thou takest the tempting jriass I:ito thine h »nd, replied the friend. before thou lit'test tlie liquor to thy Iii). pe,it thine and keep it open, iiid thou wilt be cured." QT'IIZING A QUAKER AND CATCHING A TARTAR.â Friend Aminad.ib was in from the country, and called at a book-store where he wished to make some purchases. lie ii d on a full suit of home-made drab, and the identi- cal broad-brim thai sheltered his head and shoulders from sun and storm for full five years. He could not find ex- actly the oook., he wanted, and was perhaps a little t. oublesome. So at least thought the ¡;,d:>;IIilr! -iI pert > master in starch and buckram. I-oti -tre from the 1.:IU:I¡ry, are you not, s ir I" asked lie, a littl â impudently. Yes." Well, here's an essay on the rearing of calves." i'.ia: said Aminadab, as lie turned to leave the store, thee :i'hl better }!rt'St>1d to thy mother.'1 S r A YIJ AKKK'S PLN.â A poor corset maker, out of work, and starving, thus vented her miserable complaint-.â Sliiiine that I shllulù be without oread; I that have stayed the stomachs oi thousands." CLKRICAL "-IT,-The facetious Wart Morrison, as he was commonly called, was entreating the commanding of a regiment at Fort Georg» to) pardon a poor t.'liow sentenced i» the halberts. The officer granted his i 'tinon, on condition that Mr. M orrison should accord hull tiie first favour he asked; this favour was to perform t ie ceremony of baptism lor a ynuni; pnppy, A merry ji .t iy of gentlemen were invited to tire christening. Ir. M ir.son desired Majorââto holii up the dog. "As 1 Jim a minister of the Kirk 0; Scotland,"said Mr. Morrison, IdOl' tllie[,, I b,giil%Iiitil tile usual ques- IIpr,)ctfe,t said he asked no j 1, HI: do you acknowledge yourself the father of this pup,.y The Major Ullddstood this joke, and threw .<A..y the animal. Thus Mr. M. turned the ).<n?h against LIe ensnarer, who intended to deride a sacred ordinance. .11::R.1C.do.>,t.Talkilll; of a!:i-<tors-the mate 0' a vessel bound for Liverpool had bought one about ir feet ¡on> to take home with him, and lied it sorne- vr here on deck. In tbe night it got loose and sought ii.ore comfortable quarters in the cabin. The mate was under a mu>qi<ito bar on the Soor,and thought he felt I. cat rubuiiig alongside of him. Pursy, pussy 1" s^id I he, putting out his hand to pat his feline favourite, when j-ach a ro'.v was instantaneously kicked up in the cabin, it; made the sailors in the forecastle jump out of their her. hs like chesnuts off a hot shovel. The mate caught l:,Jn.,iderailJe of a bite, but was not seriously injured, THE ELOQUENCE: OTTUI; TEXAS BAR.â May it please the Courtâthe learned barrister reminds uieot an Andalusian bull, with nostrils distended, eyes dilated, i,z-ck bowed, tail curleJ, roaring and leaping, plunging, bt-ilowing and charging over the Alpine heights and wide *"Ciended plains of jurisprudence; but, may it please the 4the getitleiiiaii has failed in his demurrer. S has advertised for all imbecile old lady, who r j tires to be treated with care and kindness. Surely mis is a card of invitation to the Editor of a nameless t >ry paper. Muntserrat had Irish colonists for its early settlers, and the negroes to this day have the Connaught brogue furiously arid ludicrously engrafted on the African jargon, h is said that a ConnaughtiTian, on arriving at Montscrrat, was, to his astonishment, hailed in vernacular Irish by a negro from one of the first boats that came alongside. i liunder and turr," exclaimed the Comiaughtman, how long have you been here!" Three months," answered Q'.nshy. Three iii(,iitlis, ai,d s:i) black already â Hamuli a diaend," said the Irishman, thinking Quashy -i c-, intryni, -i!l, "111 not stay among ye;" and in a few hours t ie Connaughiinan was oil hio return, vvuh a white skin, to the Emerald Isle.

I HE BITF.!? BIT.—(lluisToi.…

A LORD AND LADY-HORRIBLE DEPRAVITY,…

THE AMERICAN TREATY—BOUNDARYI…

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THE CONSPIRACY AT BRISTOL.…

AL G it I c u 11 T u it 1!11.…

LODOZETTE. I

TO READERS AND CORRESPONDENTS.I

E E ILL V CAL K SBA Sfc.

3XAUKI2TS. I

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