Hide Articles List

26 articles on this Page

I MSVEMENTS OF LOCAL VESSELS…

YANKEE YARNS. I

I-The Late Shah.-I

IFIGHTING IN MADAGASCAR,I

Advertising

Armenian Horrors.I

WHITES MURDERED. I

Advertising

The -Transvaal.I

CARDIFF EXHIBITION.I

PAINFUL INCIDENT,I

I THE LATE SIR JOSEPH BARNBY.…

IHORRIBLE DEATH.I

THE LITTLE HIGHLANDER.1 -.…

Reading Murders. I I

FACTS AND FANCIES.1

News
Cite
Share

FACTS AND FANCIES.1 When is a small vessel like a dressmaker 2— When she is a cutter. Extract from a diary kept by a little boy December 1.—My birthday. Had a cake. December 2.-Had a stummer-cake." If you love her, old fellow, why den't you marry her ?"-Bachelor Doctor Marry her ? Why, she is one of my best patients I I Scene-Military school. Sergeant: Man, how can you write populace with three p's ? Cross one out.—Recruit: Which p shall I cross out, sergeant ? Begorra," said Pat, with a start, as he opened a bottle of champagne for the first time-" the fool that filled this quart bottle must have put in two quarts instid av wan." Angelina: I've a letter from papa to-day, saying be has made his will.-Edwin: Do we come in anywhere ?-Angelina Not) directly but he has left all bis money to an asylum for idiots. Grandpa: Don't get iteared, Willis; the tiger is about to be fed-libat's what makes him jump I and roar so.-Willie (easily): Oh, 1 ain't afraid of him, grandpa Papa's the same way when his meals ain't ready At a recent Wagner concert a new English I version of the last scene of the Walkürr;" was printed in the programme. The following is an I extract from it For bbeei I held the one thing in eye that. bound to the other in pitiless fetters, I blindfold thou puttedst behind thee." Scene—American Restaurant. Customer: Do ) you have machines for cutting these potato chips ?—Waiter No, sah. Th' fust assistant I cook shaves 'em off wif er knife,- Customer I I don'b see bow hf frets them so uniformly thm.—Waiter: He use ter be dah roas'.beef I carver in er boardin'-house, sah. A visitor, recently conversing with an old man I at Lynton, in Devon, asked him his age, where- upon the old fallow replied, I am just, over seventy." Well," said the visitor, you look as if you had a good many years to live yet. At what age did your father die ?" Father dead ? exclaimed the old man, looking surprised. Father isn't dead he's up stairs putting grandfather to bed 1" I A good story is told in a North Country paper of a Lancashire factory inspector's visit to a mill. The manager telephoned through the mill, and all children who were illegally employed were hidden in various out-of-the-way places. While crossing the yard the inspector happened to observe some fingers protruding from a case, and, ) on raising the lid, he saw a curly-headed lad oronchmg down. He asked him why he was there, upon which the little fellow replied, Shut th' mouth, mon, and put t'lid down DoesnJb to know th' inspector's about ?" Little Nellie, while at the seaside with her mother, was very fond of making calls upon some ladies in a neighbouring cottage, and tHe frequency with which she would bring home little presents of cards, pictures, and other things led her mother to fear that she might be in the habit of asking for them. She therefore gave the child strict orders never to ask for anything. The very next day Nellie returned from her visit laden with pretty odds and ends of various sorts, and when her mother called her and questioned her severely as to whether she had asked for them, with Conspicuous virtue she replied, "No, mother; you told me I must never ask for things, so I just took them I" Mr Labouchere. while undergoing his "little go examination at Cambridge, noticed a num- ber of dons prowling about m the hopes of catching some one cheating. So he hastily scribbled a few words upon a sheet of paper,hid it awiy under his blotter, and ostentatiously referred to it from time to time with a great parade of looking furtively round to see that nobody was looking. The trap was not long in taking effect. Argus thunderingly inquired what he had got there. Oh, nothing—at least, only a piece of paper stammered the ingenuous youth provokingly. But the examiner was inexorable. He insisted on looking under the blotter, and was rewarded by reading, in a large round hand, the words, "You may be very clever, but you can't eat coke Dr. Jephson of Leamington, celebrated in the fortio-, and fifsies," was called on one day by a lady of position. Having listened to a description of her malady, the oraole pronounced judgment:—"An egg and a cup of tea for brenkfasfc, then walk for two hours a slice of cold beef and half a glass of Madeira for luncheon, then walk again for two hours; fish—except salmon-and a cutlet or wing of fowl for dinner, with a single glass of Madeira or claret to bed at 10 and rise at 6, etc. No carriage exercise, please," But, doctor," she exclaimed at last, thinking he was mistaken in his visitor, pray do you know who I tin ? Do you know-ahem -my position ?" Perfectly, madam," was the reply I am prescribing for an old woman with a deranged stomach."

DUEL WITH SWORDS, I

PAST EVENTS IN OUR ISLAND…

ITHE DUKE OF DEVOilSHInE78I…

ITHE UNIVERSITY COLLEGE.I

Advertising

Welsh Gossip. 1

THE NEW WELSH KNIGHT. I

HEROISM AT BARNSTAPLE. I

[No title]

Advertising