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EXTRACTS FROM THIS WEEK'S PUNCH. PRINT—Lady with fashionable bonnet, large curtain and tight on forehead. Coalheayer-" Well-I am blow'd if that ain't too bad-for to go and make fun of hus in that! ridic'loua manner." SALMON SCARCE.—A newspaper paragraph lately stated that one Salmon, a banking agent, charged with defalcations: to the amount of £ 30,000, had absconded. If this is the case, we should be glad to hear of the take of that Salmon. ABOVE ALL PRICE. The report that certain French capitalists (Messrs. Pereira, Mires, Millaud, and other Rnthschildren of wealth) had combined their millions and billions for the purpose of! purchasing Punch is ridiculously untre and for tte ose of 1 all reasons, because there would not be capital snEBcient in! all France put together to command such a purchase. PRESENTS FROM PORTUGAL. The King of Portugal has sent to the Queen a present of cattle-a bull, a bull-calf, and two heifers of a dun colour, and not more than six-and-thirty inches high. Portugal having despatched these little cattle, when may Portuguese bond-holders expect her to post the pony, no matter how little the pony be,—to begin with ? BEAKS AND BEER. Mr. Hardy has introduced a Beer Bill, the object of wbiebi is to extend the system of magistrates' licenses from public houses to beer shops. What big brewer is the particular friend of Mr. Hardy? Why, since all public houses have to be licensed by magistrates, are there any low ppblic houses, the resorts of rascals and thieves ? Why not, in- stead of extending the licence-system, abolish it altogether ? Is it the opinion of everybody except the big brewers, and the Injustices, their confederates on the bench, that the wisest way of dealing with beer would be to establish Free Trade in that article, and grant publicans liberty instead of licence. MOXEY AND MARRIAGE. The Lord Chancellor's new Divorce Bill maintains due homage to the majesty of the law and the profits of the lawyers. A man's wife still remains to him his goods and chattels. If a man possesses a beautiful picture, a magnifi- cent piece of porcelain, and either picture or pottery is ma- liciously damaged or fractured, the owner thereof has, of course, a remedy at law for the injury. He brings his suit, arais awarded in recompense so much money. Now the la* as it is left by Lord Cranworth, leaves the wife of a man's bosom in the condition, no higher and no lower, of the picture and the vase. If spotted or flawed she is to be paid for, and there is an end. Very commercial, this; but not very complimentary to the dignity of human nature. Bat so it w. When a wife fails to be good, she is goods. A REAL BLESSING FOR P2DESTRIASS. A most admirable invention is now in course of being ad- vertised under the title of the .C Self-Breaking Perambula- tor. Mothers are strongly recommended to procure this Perambulator, if they employ their nursemaids to wheel their children about the pavements in any vehicle of the kind. A Perambulator which breaks itself has the greatest advantage over one which remains unbroken, but is always breaking somebody's shins. TH8 RAVENOUS PUBLIC. Encore cried a stupendous wag at Cremorne the other evening, after a brilliant display of fireworks, and we fancy we have heard the same cry on similar occasions. How- ever, the facetious demand is the best satire on the stupid system of Encores. Mr. Simpson might with equal justice be expected to give a repetition of his fireworks as a popular singer be called to repeat every one of his songs. There are gluttons, howe, er, who, if Madame Saqui fell from the tight rope, would go away dissatisfied if the acci- dent wasn't encored. TALLOW AND GIIIUEL. I Mr. Sims Beeves bad been singing Come into the garden, Maud, when there arose a vehement outcry for an encore. Ladies and Gentlemen," said the popular tenor, aa soon as the noise had somewhat abated, I am eorry to tell you that Maud is labouring under a severe cold. In fact, her Mamma has just sent her to bed. Under these circum- stances, it will be quite useless for me to ask Maud to come into the garden* again this evening. As soon as she has re- covered, I shall only be too happy to oblige you." ECCLESIASTICAL FASHIONS. His Holiness the Pope will be about the house of certain drapers in Kegent Street; an establishment calling itself the "Sponaalia." They advertise a "Patent Pallium." Now, the right of conferring the Pallium is reserved by the Pontiff to himself. and he also holds that the Pallium which he supplies is the only genuine and original patent article. The house in Regent Street must therefore look out for the thunders of the Vatican. For whom the Patent Pallium is intended we can only surmise. If it is not designed for the fair sex, it has perhaps been devised to meet a want of the Puseyites, who have been crying for copes and stoles, and other millinery, and will probably be delighted with a pretty Pallium. having got that, perhaps, they will next, perad- venture, be desirous of wearing Crinoline. CAN'T BE TOO CAUTIOUS. A statement has been going round the papers about an exceedingly fine trout, which has been booked by a gen- tleman in one of the private banks. Mr. Grove, the eminent fishmonger, has given it as his decided opinion, that if the fish had been allowed to live a good deal longer it would have been a great deal larger. This proposition we will not dispute, but we do not see the expediency of inviting the public attention, just now, to a banker's hooking anything. Luckily the bank mentioned happens to be one of adaman- tine, and almost Pre-Adamantine reputation, but atill the words bank" and U hook it" should be kept apart, in these days, as jealously as Inciters and gunpowder. WHAT LOCKSLEY HALL SAID BEFORE HE PASSED HISI OXFORD RBSPONSIONS (vulgo SMALLS). Inscribed to the Poet Laureate. I Oh the misery of Smalls!" the cark the turmoil and the grind, Oh the cruel, cruel fetters which are wreathing round my mind! There is grammar, there is Euclid, and far worse than all of these, Arithmetical refinements, with their stocks and rules of threes, With their discount and their practice and their very vulgar fractions Smashing up the one ideal into many paltry factions. Square root makea the head to ache, the decimals the tear to start, For they're ever circulating the fibres of my heart- Learning grammar is like putting water in a leaky pot, And its memory is only like the days remembered not; Verbs in MI" are aggravating, Euclid makes the foot to stamp, Only lucid when enlightened by a moderator lamp, The old spider and his cobwebs! Would that I could sweep him out from the dust and must of ages with a triumph and a shout; Shall I spurn him with my foot, or shall I scorn him with mine eye? Shall I tear him into pieces ? Southey burnt him—so will I.







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