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NEWPORT (Pern.) NEWS.I

THE INQUIRY INTO DOAN'S.

I"Paim All Over."

DINAS NEWS.

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44 THANKS for your call, doctor, but I hardly expected you this morning." Oh, I had to see Mrs. Tickle, over the way, and I thought I'd try to kill Uoo bird* with on* mtone!" Did you hear Miss Fimser say that she had a speaking acquaintance with that millionaire? asked Maud, scornfully. Yes," replied Maud, with equal scorn. "It's the first time I knew that she ever worked in a telephone exchange." Passenger (indignantly): Why don't you run more trams on this line?" Conductor (sarcastic- ally): "Why, to tell the truth, I only have :65W,000 invested in the company, so I don't have much to say about it." Hattie: "He paid me a pretty oompliment. He said my movements were birdlike." Bertha: I saw him the day before gazing at Mrs. Quelper's ducks. You don't suppose it was they that put the idea into his head ? Mabel (studying her lesson): Papa, what is the definition of voluKlity?" Mabel's Father: My child, volubility is a distinguishing feature of your mother when, on account of urgent busi- ness affairs, I don't happen to reach home until after two in the morning." A farmer's man took the village doctor a note the other day, which, with some difficulty, spelt out: Please send me & bottle of fizzic." Hallo!" exclaimed the doctor. F-i-z-z-i-o doesn't spell physic!" "Don't it?" answered the rustic. "What does it spell, then!" The doctoq gave it up.

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