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NEWPORT (Pern.) NEWS.I

THE INQUIRY INTO DOAN'S.

I"Paim All Over."

DINAS NEWS.

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He: "Did I ask you to marry me last night at the dance?" She: "Good gracious, no! Why? He: W ellr-you know, I got excited, and I often do silly things when Fm like that." Wife: You don't seem to enjoy the dinner, dear. What's the matter?" Husband: "I was wondemig if there weren't some typographical errors in that cookery book of yours." "Say, paw." U Well, son?" "What is fren- zied finance?" "Frenzied finance, my son, is the way your mother goes after my pay envelope every Saturday night. Now run and play." Charitable Lady: "But a man last week told me exactly the same story." Tramp: "Yes, lady. You see, I made a fatal mistake in not having the history of my life copyrighted." "Can't see why you're smitten with her." Why, because she's so deuoedly pretty." "Beauty's only skin deep." 44 Well, great Scott! I'm no cannibal. That's deep enough for me." Uncle Archibald: It must tire you, Bertha, to talk to your old deaf uncle." Berths: "Ob, just a trifle, dear Uncle Archie." Uncle Archi- bald Well, don't say half so much, but say it louder." "Does he get much for his work?" "AH he's worth." 441 don'tTsee how be can lire." Don't you admire her singingT It's so fall of soul 1" 44 Seems to me more of the flfinnrlrr than of the sole about it!" He: Do you think the photograph I sent you the other day was like me?" She: "I hope not. When it came it was broke." Beggar (at dentist's door): "Say, mister, could you fill me teeth this mornin'T" Dentist: "Gold or silver?" Beggar: "Roast beef would do,- guv'nor; roast beef would do." Mrs. Subbubs: "I ran over to borrow soma flour and lemons and sugar and milk." Mrs. Lonesome: "Certainly; shall I lend yon someone to eat the pie when it is made?" Dr. Fissick: "Well, yes; I suppose you nlmnH take some mild tonic." Guzzle (eagerly): "How about beer?" Dr. Fissick: "Oh, no; that's Teutonic." Hixon: "Young Pellets teUs me he makm « speciality of physicing cats." Dixon:" Well, hit patients are fortunate." Hixon: "How's thatl" Dixon: "They each have ninn lhut"

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