South Wales Echo

HARRY SEYMOUR; OR Incidents in the Life of a Cardiff Clerk. I CHAPTER IV. Bat all this time during which we have been following the fortunes of Louie and Blanche, we have lost sight of Lizzie Morton and Nellie Bur- bidge, the other two young ladies whom we intro- duced to our readers at the commencement of this story. Time had brought no changes to them. Lizzie Morton was still unwedded—still engaged and ofton wondered why her lover never broached th ubjcct of their marriage. But she knew, he f he was true to her, and though she was begin- ning to be tired of home life, and would gladly have gone out again,' in other words, gone as a shop girl, yet knowing that her affianced, Charlie Thornton, did not like the idea, she made herself as contented as it was possible for her to be. Her friends Louie Randell and Blanche Aubrey haviug married, were removed out of her sphere, but gentle Nellie Burbidge and Lizzie were still friendly. It was during the time that Blanche and her husband were separated that one fine evening in the early days of January, Lizzie and Nellie met by appointment near the Sophia Gardens. Charlie Thornton had told Lizzie the previous evening that he should be away to Newport on business, and Lizzie, having heard of Blanche's flight from her husband, was desirous of talking it over with Nellie. But to her extreme chagrin, Nellie reso- lutely, but quietly, refused to talk of Blanche's misfortunes, as Nellie termed them, and so ex- asperated was scandal-loving Lizzie, that she inconsistently left Nellie, and marched off home indignantly. Nellie, grieved at Lizzie's disposition to gloat over other folks troubles, started off home again. She was walking along just beneath the Castle Tower, when a highly-dressed, eye- glassed, rakish-looking individual stopped in front of her, and said- Good evening, Miss, sorry to see a handsome young lady like you, all alone. Shall I have the pleasure," offering his arm. Nellie said nothing, but tried to pass him. Not so fast, my pretty girl; I don't have such a chance every day," and the fellow insolently tried to raise her veil. Just then another gentleman came on the scene, and Nellie excitedly appealed to him for protec- tion. The foppish rake insolently stared at the gentle- man appealed to,and bade him go on and mind his own business. Oh, sir," said Nellie, "pray don't leave me this man has grossly insulted me, and I never saw him before in my life." "You had better be off," said the new comer, "or I'll give you in charge." The rakish-looking individual made a blow at the speaker, but the latter avoided it, and laid his stick smartly across the shoulders of the ag- gressor, sending him cursing away. Nellie warmly thanked her champion, who, however, would not leave her until he had seen her safely home. He was very polite and considerate to her, asked her no impertinent questions, and altogether made a favourable imprassion apon her. Next evening Nellie was invited to a private party, and was, it must be confessed, very agree- ably surprised to find herself introduced to her champion cf the evening before. They were naturally attracted towards each other, and ere the night was over Nellie had promised Mr Roberts to meet him again. The acquaint- ance rapidlv ripened into love, and they became engaged. Mr Roberts was nine years her senior, and had a house ready for her, for he had kept a home for his widowed mother, and since she died he had been very lonely, and had been debating the idea of finding a wife. For a time all went smoothly with them. One day, about six weeks after Nellie's intro- duction to Mr Roberts, she met Lizzie Morton. They had often met since their estrangement, but hitherto Lizzie had appeared not to know Nellie, though the latter bore no malice, and grieved over Lizzie's apparent enmity. Now, however, she accosted Nellie with- Ah, Nellie, dear, I've heard some news. Is it true you're going to be married ? I know your intended Mr Roberts, he's a nice young man, and in a good position, but— "But what Lizzie?" "Well, if you don't know, it is right you should. I daresay you have found out that he is fond of music." Yes." said Nellie, I know that, because he goes to practise on the chapel organ sometimes." But do you know he often meets Miss Nor- ton there, and they practise together? Miss Norton has boasted in my hearing that Mr Roberts is her beau, and-" A look at Nellie's white face stopped her. There I'll say no more, I did not want to vex you, but one cannot help hearing such things." No, but you can avoid making mischief, Lizzie. Do you remember when Blanche tried to set you against Charlie, how indignant you were? And I must do as you resolved to do, I'll ask Mr Roberts about it. Good day, Miss Morton. Miss Morton, indeed well I've put my foot in it this time, it seems, and no mistake. But who would have thought that gentle Nellie Bur- bidge, as she used to be called, would turn round on one like that. Mr Roberts is well-to-do, though, and I must make friends again with Nellie. They will be nice visiting acquaintances when we are both married." That evening Nellie told Mr Roberts what Lizzie had said. It is true, Nellie, that Miss Norton practices sometimes when I am there, but quite untrue that any thought of her as my wife ever entered by breast. She is far too young, and too silly but being the niece of the organist, I am on friendly terms with her." But you will not leave me in the evenings when-after we-are married, to go practising?" "No, Nellie, I am going to purchase a har- monium at Thompson and Shackell's, and we might as well go now, I don't think the shop is shut." They were politely received by the junior part- ner of the firm, and on requesting to be shown some harmoniums, were ushered into the spacious show-room. Nellie soon picked out one, the ap- pearance of which she liked very much. Upon ner affianced trying it, however, he pronounced it too loud for a parlour. At length an instru- ment which combined sweetness of tone with beauty of appearance was chosen, half-a-guinea was paid as the first monthly instalment, and the next day it was safely deposited in Nellie's home. Yoa will be able to take better care of it than I shall, my dear," said her lover, there are too many children at my lodgings." "How much more will you have to pay for it than if you had paid the whole cost now ?" asked Nelly. Only a. guinea, Nelly, and I can better afford to pay that extra guinea in the course of the two years it will take to pay it all than I can pay the amount now." It became Nelly's delight to pass their evenings at her home. Sitting at her needle, she was con- tent to listen for hours to the harmony brought forth by the skilful fingers of her lover, occasion- ally accompanying with her sweet voice. "Surely," she thought to herself at such times, "this is a foretaste of a happy life in store for us." —— I CHAPTER V. The meeting between Blanche and her husband was a very affecting one. When Blanche was fit to be removed home, Harry Seymour went again to Newport, Will Aylwin accompanying htm. The latter, however, remained in the waiting-room at the station, whilst Harry went to the workhouse to fetch Blanche. She was very much agitated, but decidedly improved in ap- pearance. Her illness had imparted a delicacy and refinement to her countenance which it had never worn before; and the thought of her husband's love and tenderness had impressed a softened gentle look upon her features that charmed Harry. Why Blanche—Mrs Aylwin, I mean, you are looking better than ever I have seen you; Will will be delighted to see his beautiful wife." But has he quite forgiven me 1 Will our life be as happy In the future as it might have been in the past ?" Never fear, Will has resolved to begin afresh, and to regard you as he did on the morning of your marriage." Then we shall indse l be happy. Oh Mr Seymour, words fail me to express th?, gratitude I owe you tVi- the prospect of a life's happiness, instead of „ « Come, "Blanche—you \vul not be ofteaded with me for so'calling you—we are nearing the station; nut on a sthiling countenance—Ah there is Will." Mr Aylwin could not wait at the station, and I had come to meet them. As Harry got out of the cab one sids, Will jumped in on the other. Mv dating wife," he began—but taa death- like pallor that overspread Blanche's features stopped him. He was prepared, nowever, for such an emergency, and taking a small bottle of sherry from his pocket, he made Blanche qririk. This brought back the colour to her cheek, bhe hid her face in his bosom and wept but they were tears of joy.. H Cheer UP. my dear, dear wife; we will begin life afresh, and nothing but death shall again separate us." By this time the station was reached, and they were jQm py Hajry. T^ ricte o, CawJiff was a lia,I)y one, and when Blanche reached her new home, she was touched by her husband's kindly consideration. Mr Aylwin had taken a new house, in a neighbourhood where Blanche was not known, and not very far from Harry's home. He had furnished it even more elegantly than his first home, desiring to reconcile Blanche to the absence of the luxury and semi-splendour of her father's house. But he need have had no fear of the thorough change that bad been wrought in Blanche. The first evening of their reunion Harry and Louie wisely resolved to leave them alone and the happy young couple were glad of it. They sat up that evening in their cosy sitting-room, talking of the future, until Will began to fear Blanche would be weary, and insisted on retiring to rest. But long after they had done so, their conversation turned to Harry and his devoted wife. But for Harry Seymour I should still be un- forgiving, a hard stony-hearted, misanthropical monster, not fit to be called a husband." Ah, Wilf, but for Harry I should have pro- bably been in my grave; for I should not have left that workhouse alive—" Hush, Blanche, do not grieve me by referring to the past. Let us blot out from our life all reference to it, and only remember it in order to. be thankful for present happiness." Next morning a letter, containing news of a surprising character was delivered to Mr Aylwin. An old bachelor uncle of his was dead, and had bequeathed him the sum of £ 10,000. Whilst Will and his wife were building castles in the air as to the disposal of the monoy, a boy brought a note from Louie. Come to me at once, if you care for poor Harry," it ran, he has been arrested for embez- zlement. I am sure he is innocent, but I want your help." Oh Willy, you must go to poor Louie at once." Aye, Blanche, thank God, this money has came now, for we can afford to spend a part of it in behalf of Harry, who has done so much for us." Mr Alwyn set out at once for Harry's abode, and found poor Louie in the greatest agony of mind. The firm had discovered that one of their employes had been tampering with the banker's pass book and the cash book, and it lay between Harry and a fellow clerk. Figures had been altered, and the alterations were generally testified to as being in ^Harry's handwriting. This was all that Mr Aylwin could learn from Louie; but on making enquiries at the office where Harry had been employed, Will learnt that Harry was suspected more because he had lately lent another clerk, and he could not account for one of the notes which made up that amount, and which note ought to have been paid by Harry, being part of a sum he had received at the bank, in exchange for a bill. But the cash-book showed that the whole of the amount had been paid in, and this further com- plicated the matter. Mr Aylwin at once paid a visit to a respectable solicitor, and bade him spare no cost in prosecuting a search for the real delin- quent, for Aylwin believed Harry was innocent. The solicitor," accompanied by Mr Aylwin, went to the office of Harry's employer, and requested to see the altered book. A close scutiny enabled him to detect a difference in the shade of the ink used in the erasures, compared with the rest of the writing. Who has access to these books besides Mr Seymour ?" the lawyer asked the manager. "No one ought to have but it is possible for Mr Dixon to get to them in Mr Seymour's absence." Mr Seymour was absent on leave for two separate days lately; who had charge of these books then ?" "Mr Dixon." Is it he to whom Mr Seymour lent the 220.11 "Yes, but you don't surely suspect "—— "I suspect nothing, but I'll get a warrant- ah, what's this," said the solicitor, suddenly opening the door. Oh, Mr Dixon," said the manager, "what are you doing outside the door ?" "It seems to me he is playing the eaves- dropper," sarcastically answered the lawyer, but he will not be sharp enough this time. Mr Dixon, you had charge of this pass book for two separate days lately. Did you take it out of the office?" "N -nc," stammered Dixon. "Are you sure? Pray be careful." You have no right to ask me such a ques- tion.' Oh We'll see all about that. Will you ac- company us ?" "Where to?" "To the police-station." No, I won't. You are not justified in asking me to do that." Will you, then, see that he doss not leave the office for an hour ?" "If he doe:z, said the manager, "I shall be justified in discharging him." "And I shall give him into custody," said the solicitor. Mr Aylwin and the solicitor then left, and were barely outside the door when Dixon rushed out, and was starting off at full speed. A constable was coming down Bute-road. Stop that man," shouted the solicitor. Dixon ran right into the constable's arms. What have I done ? Why do you stop me I'll make you pay for this." "All right, constable, you know me," said the solicitor. "I will be responsible for what I am doing now. Take Mr Dixon to the station, and keep him there till I get a search warrant from the magistrates." "A search warrant ? What for?" asked Dixon. To search your lodgings, my good man." What do you expect to find ? I am not justified in telling you." Dixon here tried to make a bolt, but only suc- ceeded in the policeman's taking him by the coat- cuffs, and threatening to hand-cuff him if he tried again to escape. He was safely lodged in a private room in the police-station, the constable explaining to the inspector on duty that the solicitor had requested him to be taken care of whilst a search warrant was procured and his lodgings searched. This was carried into effect, and a bottle of ink was found of the identical tint used by the person who made the erasures in the pass book and cash book. The ink was taken possession of. Dixon's landlady was in a terrible state of excitement. Can you tell me, Mrs Davis, if your lodger ever brought home any large office books ? No, I cannot, but my daughter can; I'll fetch her." The daughter, it was soon apparent, was Dixon's sweetheart, but not knowing why she was questioned the girl readily answered that he had brought home a big book one evening. Asked to describe it, she accurately described the cash book. The solicitor, the police-sergeant and Aylwin then left and were back at the police- court in time to see Harry brought before the magistrates. The evidence produced was deemed sufficient by the magistrates to clear Harry, and Dixon took his place in the dock. His employers, however, though satisfied of Harry's innocence, were not sure of Dixon's guilt, at least this was the reason given for their refusing to prosecute, though it was afterwards whispered that Dixon's betrothed had been to see the senior partner, and had so worked on his feelings as to obtain Dixon's discharge. A few evenings after Harry's trouble was over, a social party took place at his residence. Only the four friends we mtroduced to our readers at the commencement of this short story with their husbands, for it was not deemed expedient, for Blanche's sake, to ask strangers. There was Lizzie Morton, now Mrs Charles Thornton, Mr and Mrs Roberts, and Blanche and her husband. I Louie was still suffering from the shock consequent on Harry s arrest, but she strove to appear cheer- ful, and succeeded in making her guests enjoy themselves. After tea, music was called for. Louie's piano was much admired, and was played by Louie, Blanche, and Mr Roberts. "Did you procure this at Thompson and Shackell's ? Ah I thought so. I saw one like it the other day when we selected a harmonium." Yes, the firm has become celebrated for the quality of the instruments they sell, and their system of doing business is a great boon to those who would never dream of purchasing a piano or harmonium had they to pay cash down." Ere they parted at eleven o'clock everyone de- clared they had never spent a happier" evening. How true," said Mr Roberts, are the words of the poet- Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast. Yes," said Harry, did the working mon of England only comprehend its power, the country .would not pay such enormous taxes for its drink- ing habits." The party shortly afterwards separated, and within two months from that night were scattered over the world. Blanche and her husband, with their little fortune, went to Australia; Harry Seymour and Louie to Spain, where be had been appointed representative of an English firm Mr Roberts and Nellie to London, only Charlie Thornton and his wife staying m Cardiff. [TgE JNP,] 'I

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YANKEE YARNS. I NO ENCOURAGEMENT. Colored washerlady to white woman: Look heah whut yer gwine ter gin me fur er Chris'mus present ?" I don't know that I shall give you anything.' Mighty sorry ter heah it, lady," and as she Went out she muttered: Now I knows dat I ain't gwine ter bring dat bed quilt back. How does da 'speck er ptisson ter be hones' an' 'ligious when da doan hol' out no 'ducements ?" ALL THE SAME. A well known railroad lawyer, while accom- panying several ladies on a. tour of inspection through the penitentiary the other day, stopped in front of a cell where a grim looking fellow sat, and said: Ladies, here is an excellent specimen. How are you ?" addressing the convict. Sorter slow at present." You don't find life in here very enjoyable, I presume Wall, it ain't as ful o' fun as it might be." What were you put in for?" Wall, podder, you an' me was about in the ,same business. I know you." In the same business ? What do you mean? Same business, that's what I mean. You are a railroad lawyer, ain't you?" "Yes." Wall, I am a train robber." SAVED HER. I "1'se mighty sorry to see dis young lady- fotch up heah," said Ink Johnson, a justice of the peace, referring to a young coloured girl. I hab allus been a gallunt man, myse'f; and it pains me to see dat one o' de fa'r sex hab been gripped by de nippers o' de law. Whut' de charge ergin dis lady ?" Wall jedge," replied the father of the girl, she tried ter run away an marry er yaller man whut I ain't got no use for, nohow." "Dat er fack? Mighty se'ius charge, young pusson: one dat I woul' hate ter be fotch ergin me ef I wuz er lady. How ole is dis good lookm pusson 2" "Nineteen," replied the father. a 99 Got er good appetite fur de usual food o de lan', I reckon ?" Yas, sah oh, yas." Doan hanker airter fine fixins ?' No, sah." "Wall," said the justice, I'll Jes grant myse'f er 'vorce frum my ole wife, an' marry dis girl ter sabe her from de clutches o' de enraged law. Call in er preacher, Mr Constable." ASSISTED EACH OTHER. I Look here," said a white woman, entering the kitchen and addressing the colored lady who had just been employed to increase the grocery bill, "what are you doing with all these women here ? I only hired you." "Tibbe shoiyerdid." Then why do you bring so many women with you?" "Dis heah one, lady, is my daughter. She come ter wait on me." "Yes, but those others?" Wait lady. Doan be 'petuous. Dis udder one is my cousin Francis." What is she doing here 1" Come ter wait on my daughter." "Great goodness, who is that?" pointing to another one. Dat's Mrs Napoleon." What right has she here 1" W'Y she 'come ter wait on cousin Francis. Lady, I doan like de way yer's actin' ertall. White folks' place in de house, an I neber coul do my work when da come pokin' roun' "Get out, now, all of you." Tibbe sho we will ef yer ain't pleased. Doan hanker airter workin' for 'culiar folks nohow. Good mawnin' A DAKOTA DOMESTIC BLIZZARD. I The other day a Bismarck gentleman was com- ing UP Jr°ni Standing Rock, and stopped to see a man who lives near the Cannon Ball River. In response to his knock at the door he heard a shrill, sharp Come in I" and upon entering found a shurp.faced angular woman sitting in the room under an open scuttle-hole leading into the loft above, with a shot-gun on her knee. Is the gentleman of the house in ?" he asked. Yes, sir, he air." Can I see him a moment ?" "No, sir: you can't see a hide nor hair of 'im Why cant I, madam? I would like to speak to him on business." If you was a dyin', and Jim war the only doctor in Dakoty, ye couldn't sot an eye on him till he gives in an' talks decent. At din- ner awhile ago he told me to pass 'im the apple soss, an' I toi him it wasn't soss, but sass, and he said he knowed better, it was soss, and I tol' him that w'en he tuk a notion that a little apple sass'd feel sooth in' to his stomach to say so, and he said he'd have that soss or die. Then I tor him I'd defend that sass with life, and made a break for tha shot-gvu^ an' he made a break up through the scuttle inter the loft. W'en his senses come to and he gives in that sass is sass, he kin cum down, but if he makes a break afore that, off goes the top of his head. Thar sets the sass, ^stranger, an' thar's Jim up in the loft, and that's the way the matter stands jist now, and I reckon you d better mosey along an' not get mixed inter the row!' As the gentleman moved away he heard her voice saying: Jinij w'en you get tired o' yer durn foolin' and want this sass, jes' squeal out! And a gruff voice from the darksome garret respon- ded: "Sosa!" saying: Jim, w'en you get tired o' yer durn foolin' and want this sass, jes' squeal out! And a gruff voice from the darksome garret respon- ded: "Sosa!" AN ARISTOCLUSIVENESS. I ihe stuck-up exclusiveness of some of these English noblemen is positively refreshing. The other morning, while Lord Loftus was breakfast- ing" at the palace, a solemn-looking chap across the table suspended operations on his section of broiled rubber, and ejaculated, Lord!" The English stranger supposed the sad man was about to say grace, but instead of that "the latter re- peated inquiringly, "Lord?" c. Are you address- ing me, sir?" enquired the new Colonial Governor. I am, lord. I want to make a little business proposition to you. I've started about the red-hottest little watering-place in the whole State up in Sonoma county. Everything way up —sulphur spring bowling-alley, pianna in the par- lour—everything. All I want is to advertise it a little. Now I notice you lord fellers are first-rate cards for hotels. S'posin' you come up and spend a few days at my lay out. You can stay a square month if you like, and it shan't cost you a cent —'ceptin' for drinks, if you are much on the im- bibe. What yer say?" "Well, by Jove! said his lordship, putting up his eye-glass.^ I his lordship, putting up his eye-glass. I know it's a square-toed liberal offer," the chap went on, but I'm giving you the straight tip. All you'll have to do will be help carve, and mebbe smg a little with the ladies, and play billiards with the boys. If there s a hop,vell make you floor manager ànd- But the purse- proud autocrat had ordered the rest of his meal to be sent to his room, and walked frigidly out. These airy English never had any snap about a speculation!—San Franci.00 Paper. specult I-San Franci.00 Paper. GREAT ON THE PIANO.. I 1 think, said a well-known orchestral ieauei to a San Francisco friend that the best joke ever played in this town was on an ambitious amateur pianist when Gottschalk was here. The amateur's father was the owner of a large hall, and he offered the use of it to Gottschalk for his benefit. There was to be a piece for eight pianos, and the amateur was to play one of the instru- ments. Iwas leader. I thought Gottschalk would have a fit when I told him that the amateur couldn't play three straight notes of the piece. He is sure to throw us all out,' said I, anti r.Uln the performance.' Gottschalk swore lik0 a but it was no good. The bills were out, ana he couldn't go back on his programme, even it the gift of the hall for the night was no consiperauion to him. At last I hit on an idea that fixed the whole business. The amateur came down to re- hearsal, and we praised him until he thought he was to be the star of the night. As soon as he left, we took the hammers out of his piano and made it as dumb as an oyster. I guessed hQ would never know the difference, with several pianos going at once. And, just as I thought, that ama- teur and his friends never discovered the tries. No; he just sailed in and pounded on that Pia*j° as if it was the worst .enemy he had ever had. ne was bound to show off among so many g°°!| pianists, and hammered on his key-board until the perspiration nearly blinded him. Now ana then I looked at him approvingly to give fresh courage, and every time I did so he gave the piano a lick that nearly made matchwood 01 it. His friends all around threw bouquets at nim till he looked like a wedding arch; and when it was all over his fond parent fell on his neck in the green-rocm and slipped a cheque for two hundred and fifty dollars into his hand. The old man didn't know whether he was standing on his head or his heels, he was so tickled. Didn't he dofiae, said he to jne- among so many '-first-class Pro- fessionals to I never heard an amateur do so well ia pubiiQ/said I; and, what's more. A roeant it."

THE VEJTY BEST I ftI have examined the PiUs known as KERNICK'S VEaETABLE PILLS. certity their coinposition to be purely vegetable. I have also tried their effect, aua ceasiaer tnem one of the best Aperient Pills for consti- pated habits that I know of. (Signed), JOHN BALBIRNIE, M.A., M.D. all CbemUito' w & §4 fctten,

FACTS AND FANCIES. "UP TO TIME. "-Green wich clocks. The nobbiest thing in boots.—A bunion. Stuff and nonsense-A big dinner and the post- prandial speeches. POST THIS UP AT THE EXCHANGE OFFICES.— "Please hang up" is the polite telephonic for Hold your tongue." Why is wine that has been bottled for years like an unmarried lady of advanced years ?— Because it is old made, and none the worse for it. Time works wonders," as the woman said when she got married after a thirteen years' courtship. The difference between sacred and secular music is not so great as it seems at first sight. You get the latter by the sheet." the other by the choir." "Were you ever in an engagement?'' inquired an innocent rustic of a militiaman. Yes, one," replied the son of Mars, heaving a deep 'sigh, "but she jilted me." The man who bragged all the summer about his being a good skater has dropped that subject since there is a-chance of a frost, and is now boasting that he is a porpoise to swim." 0 A little boy three years old, who has a brother of three months, gave, as a reason for the latter's good conduct-" Baby doesn't cry tears, because he doesn't drink any water ancfwhe can't'- cry milk." RELATIVES TO BE AVOIDED. Papa, are cannibals those that live on other people?" Yes, my son." Then uncle, George must be a can- nibal, for mamma says ha is always living on somebody." TONAL' AGAIN.—Scene—A general merchants' shop in the north. Traveller Can you give me an ounce of good tobacco ?" Merchant: Och, ay putt she's sorry ta say she'll no' have ony till ta morn !Bailie. Scene StilI-room in an* Edinburgh hotel. Waiter, reading Sir Garnet Wolseley had the honour yesterday of kissing the Queen's hand." Still-room lassie, interrupting: Kissin' her what ?" Waiter: Her hand." Still-room lassie A' wadna thankit 'um." WHAT JAMES WOULD Do. What would you do, James, if you suddenly had a large sum of money left you ?" said a lady to her gardener, a respectable married man, a labourer in the vil- lage. "I dunno, miss," was the answer; but I think I should have summat to drink." A story is told in the life of John Hill Burton of a Scotch judge who, on pronouncing sentence on an assassin who had stabbed a soldier, did it in this way—" You did not only maliciously, wickedly, and feloniously stab or cut his person, thereby depriving him of life, but did also sever the band of his military breeches, which are her Majesty's." He was buying a tumbler of toughened glass in a china shop. Poising it in his hand, he asked, Is this really unbreakable?" "Yes," replied the shopwoman. "May I try it?" said he. "I'd rather you paid for it first," was the rejoinder and when he had paid she added, "You had better not let the servants know it's unbreakable, or they will be sure to break it." IT 'IS 'A PROGRESSVIE AGE.-The boulevards of Paris are infested with deaf-and-dumb beggars, more or less authentic, who distribute printed papers describing their misfortunes to persons seated outside the cafes. One of these pros- pectuses after soliciting the public to buy a copy of a deaf-and-dumb alphabet, bears as a postcript the words "English spoken." CONJUGAL AMENITIES.—Wife: "I saw Mrs Boodle this morning, and she complained that on the occasion of her last visit you were so rude to her that she thought she must have offended you." Husband "Nothing of the kind; on the contrary, I like her very much but it was rather dark at the time, 'and, when I entered the room I thought at first that it wa? you.' A day or two before the Queen opened the Royal Courts of Justice, two Irishmen were looking at some men stretching a rope across the Strand from one housetop to another, for the purpose of suspending some flags. Shure, and what will they be afthe rdoing at the top of them houses there ?" said Pat. It's a submarine telegra.ph they're afther putting up, I suppose," replied* Mick. EXPLAINED BY A FRIEND. — A well-known aesthete was lamenting to a veteran critic that he could find no one ready to miderstann him. "The woman," said he, "run after me, but the men scoff and turn aside. I am really no dif- ferent from other people, and only long to put my ideas before them-just as you do, for ex- ample. Why," added lie," will they net listen to me as they do to you? Can you give me a reason?" "Because you don't cut your hair," answered his friend. A Nice journal announces that Baron de San Malato, the fantastic fencer, is to give a. few representations of his art in that town during the winter. The journal adds that, in order to arrive at the degree of suppleness necessary for the success of his. particular method, the Baron de San Malato trains severely, and eats only one meal a day but, before sitting down to table, he swallows two spoonfuls of excellent olive oil. The Baron finds that this liquid makes him supple interiorly." And you say that you are innocent of the charge of stealing a rooster from Mr Jones ?" asked an Arkansas judge of a meek-looking pri- soner. Yes, sir, I am innocent-as innocent as -a child." You are confident that you did not steal the rooster from Mr Jones ?" Yes, sir, I can prove it." How can you prove it ?" I can prove that I did't steal Mr Jones's rooster, judge, because I stole two hens from Mr Graston the same night and Jones lives five miles from Graston's." The proof is conclusive," said the judge. Discharge the prisoner." It is related of one Job Walmsley, a Yorkshire advocate of teetotalisni, who was humourous in a rough way as well as eloquent, that he was waited upon on one occasion by a young gentle- men who was ambitious to shine upon plattorms, after the manner of Jabez Inwards, Simeon Smithard, and Mr J. B. Gough. Tila wants to be a public speyker, dos' tha, lad ? An tha thinks awm the chep to put tha up to a wrinkle about it ? Tha's reight, I awm Now harks tha! When tha rises to mek thy speych, hit taable an' oppen thy mawth. If nowt comes, tak' a sup o' watther an' hit taable again. Then oppen thy mawth wider than afoor. Then if nowt comes tak' thy- sen off, and leave public speykin' to such as me." A United States post-office agent was inspecting the office at Iron Rod, Montana, with consisted of a saloon, a post-office room, and a faro bank. The mail-bag was emptied on the floor, the crowd overhauling the letters, registered and all, selecting what they wanted, and the rest were thrown into a candle-box. "Where's the post- master?" asked the agent of the bar-tender. Out mining. "Where is the assistant-post- master?" Gone to Hell's Canon; and, by thunder, Bill Jones has got to run this office next week It's his turn." The government official demanded the key* of the office. The bar- tender coolly took the candle-box from the bar, placed it on the floor, and gave it a kick, sending it out of the door, saying, There's your post- office; and now git!" The agent reported, Knowing the custom of the country, I lost no time in following this advice, and got." This is why the post-office at Iron Rod was discontinued. Before the shop-window of a picture-dealer in Vienna stood a lady, who appeared to take special interest in an instantaneous photograph of one of tho principal street* in the capital, for she presently entemi the shop and bought the picture. On closr>: inspection, sided by her glasses, she had no doubt in her minrl as to the identity of the t'.vo figures ia the street which had first arrested her attention. Oil reach ins; homa, she subjected her daughter a blooming lasse of eighteon summon;— to a severe cross-examination; but the latter denied in the most positive terms having at any time promenaded the streets in company with a young gentleman. On being shown the photograph, however, she saw that further denial was useless. The sun, according to the Germani proverb, had brought the truth to light. Nor could she prove to her mother's satisfaction that her fascinating young teacher of music, in taking her out for a walk, had improved the occasion by giving her a lecture on counterbass-on harmony, possibly. The curly-haired pianist has been dismissed, and a white-haired gentleman of Ifravs demeanour epgagedia hiss; place,

Horrible Discovery at the Cardiff Cemetery. _u- TWO DEAD INFANTS tN A BOX. I The Inquest. At the Roath police-station, Cardiff, on Thurs- day evening, the Borough Coroner (Mr E. B. Reece) held an inquiry into the teircumstances connected with the finding of the bodies of two newly-born female infants at the Cardiff Ceme- tery, on the previous day. Thomas Pulfin, labourer, said I am employed and reside at the New Cemetery at Cardiff. I was working there on the afternoon of the 7th inst. at about three o'clock. Walking along the 'footpath to the Roman Catholic burial ground, I saw a box lying on a grave. I went to it and sent for the manager, but neither of us opened the box. I next went for a constable. He returned with me and opened the box. In it we found the bodies of two infants. The constable took charge of the box and bodies. At about twenty minutes to seven the same morning I had gone along the path, but did not notice the box, which was only two or three yards from the path. P.C. James Hughes said Thomas Pullin came to me yesterday afternoon, at about a quarter to five o'clock, and told me there was a small box on the green at the cemetery. I opened the box and found therein the bodies of two infants. Over them was a piece of cloth like bed-ticking. I brought them to the police-station. The box isof the character of a raisin box. The 'cover was nailed down. Dr. Maurice Evans, Roath, said I saw the bodies of the two female infants to-day at twelve o'clock and made a post-mortem examina- tion on each body. The bodies were those of newly-born female children, in size and measure answering to the description of those who had arrived at the seventh or eighth month of maturity. Probably they have been of the full term of nine months, supposing them to be twins. Neither of the bodies have been washed. The umbilical cords of both have been cut off by a sharp instrument, leaving about an inch and a quarter. The cords was not tied in either case. The larger of the two bodies measured 18 inches in length, which is about the average of a full born child. It weighed 31bs 9ozs. The average would be from 61bs to 81bs. On opening the chest I found that the right lung filled the cavity of the chest, and was of a reddish hue. The left part filled the cavity, and was of a dark colour. On removing the lungs they floated freely in water, and on cutting in pieces and pressing them they also floated. This indicated that a certain amouut of breathing had taken place, but the lungs were not pink enough to indicate full respiration. There was very little blood in this child, the cavities of the heart being quite empty, indicating that the child had lost blood from hemorrhage. The smaller child was 14 inches in length, and weighed two pounds seven ounces. This child was fatter than the other, and the lungs filled both cavities. The right lung was much more pink than either of the lungs of the other child. The previous tests answered in a. similar way. There was plenty of blood in this child. I am also of opinion that the child had breathed more freely than the other. I cannot speak as to either child having existed separately from the mother; but if the mother, or mothers, had had proper atten- tion, both children might have lived. 1 have no hesitation in saying that both children were born alive. From the manner in which the cords had been cut, it is clear that the mother must have had assistance in each case. I think the bodies must have been at the cemetery all night, as they were frozen, and some ice was found under the arm of the larger child. The birth had probably taken place within 24- hours of my time of seeing the bodies, which were quite fresh. The Coroner reviewed the facts under which the infants had been found, and, further advising the jury, said lie thought they had better bring in an open verdict. If the mother of the children could be found, the magistrates would proceed with the case under further evidence. But that was unlikely, though the case was a very suspi- cious one. Probably the children were wilfully neglected and allowed to die, but they had not written evidence of it. The jury, after a minute's consideration, con- cluded that two newly-born female infants were found dead in a box in the Cardiff Cemetery on the 7tb January, but there is not sufficient evi- dence to show whether they had been born anve or, if born alive, what was the cause of death III either case."

SOUTH WALES UNIVERSITY COLLEGE. It will be a source of much gratification to the staff, the students, and all the friends of the South Wales University College to learn that the Lord of the Committee of Council on Education have placed the college on the same footing as Owen's College, now incorporated in the Victoria University, with regard to the special arrangements for the instructions of science teachers. The college is also accepted as an institution at which persons to whom local exhibitions have been granted may pursue their studies. These are notewoitliy conces- sions, especially when it is borne hi mind that the college has only been a little over a year in existence. The recognition by the department will, no doubt, stimulate all who are connected with the institution to render it wo-thy of still further proofs of Government favour. The following ij the letter from the Education I Department Science ard Arc Department, London, S.W., January 6th, 1835. Sir '-I am directed to acquaint you that the Lords of the Committee of Council on Education havo considered the application contained m your letter of +he 24th ultimo, and they are I pleaded to approve that the University College, Cardiff, shall be placed on the same footing as the Owen's College, Manchester, with regard to the special arrangements for the instruction of science teachers. The college will also be accepted as an institution at which persons to whom local exhibitions have been granted may pursue their studies. A copy of the minute of my lords under which aid is granted to science teachers attending courses of instruction in the Owen's College is enclosed for your information, and I am to request that the department may be furnished with information respecting the subjects of instruction at University College, and the amount of the fees to be paid for such instruction. These details should be similar to those given in the minutes with* rep "ard to the Owen's College. I am to add that during the lifetime of Mr W. Thomas Lewis his endowment of £33 a year would be considered as satisfying the conditions of the science directory with regard to the local contribution to a local exhibition. But such local exhibition must be competed for at the May examinations of the department. A copy of the science directory is forwarded herewith in accordance with your request.—I am. sir. vour obedient servant, I m, W. D. DONNELLY. Mr Ivor James, Universi." College, Cardiff.

THE WRECK OFF HOLYHEAD. I Board of Trade Inquiry. A Board of Trade inquiry was commenced in Liverpool, on Thursday, into the loss of the ss. Pochard, which foundered off Holyhead a few weeks ago, all hands being lost.—Mr David Dunlop, who built the vessel, stated that the vessel gave every satisfaction, and was perfectly good in every respect.—Mr Henry H. Beale, one of the directors of the com- pany, said the vessel was insured for £ 26,000 there was no insurance on the freight. Mr F. C. Kelson, ship engineer, said he designed the vessel, and had been voyages in her. He was perfectly satisfied with the engines, and so was the chief engineer.— Thomas Harrop, manifest clerk for Messrs Wilson and Co., agents for the Cork Steamship Company, gave evidence as t,) the cargo, aud said thc-t. tho ship had had a greater before in winter timr.—Patriot McGuinnesH, foreman stevedore to company for 16 years, stated how be had stowoci a cargo,aad said bn was sura there could h'tye been no shitting it lie had watched her mailing oat ot tho river or. her last ^ov^gc, and she wa. in he* usual trim. Tha uuwtsi- made no whatever. The enquiry was adjourned tlU day (Friday).

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SERIOUS CHARGE AGAINST A NEWPORT INSURANCE AGENT. I Forging Certificates of Death in t the Cardiff District. f Prisoner before the Bristol Magistrates. I The Newport county police have arrested Lewis Williams, insurance agent, of Nor- ton Cottage, Maindee, Newport, on the charge of forging and uttering, well knowing the same to be forged, a certain certificate and copy of an entry in the registrar's book of deaths in the Cardiff district, on the 22nd of December last. The Newport police acted oil a warrant received from the Bristol authorities. At the Bristol police-court on Thursday, the prisoner was brought up in answer to the charge. Mr Yorke (from the office of Mr J. H. Clifton)' was present on behalf of the accused.—Mr B- Wansbrough prosecuted on behalf of the Royal Liver JJriendly Society. He said he was afraid f' the charge against the prisoner was an exceed- ] ingly serious one. The 24th and 24th Victoria, chap. 98, sec. 36, under which the proceedings were taken, provided that a person forging a certificate of death or copy was liable to penal servitude for life. The facts of the case wera [ these. The society which prosecuted, as ho had no doubt they were aware, was promoted for the purpose of enabling poor people, by paying small | weekly contributions, to insure their lives, so I that at the time of their death their relatives j might receive certain sums of money to pay the f expenses of their sickness and funeral. The society had agencies in every town all over the kingdom. The prisoner was a commission agent for the Prudential Company, which was a society started upon the same principles as the Royal Liver Friendly Society. On the 5th of November, 1885, the prisoner sent to a Mrs Gay of Franklin-terrace, Totterdown, Bristol, a list of persons whom he wanted to have insured in the Liver Society, through Mr Thomas Hunt, a Bristol agent, who lived in St. George's-road. Amongst the names was that of William C. Cook, Mrs Gay supplied Mr Hunt, the agent, with th. name of Cook, a proposal form was made out and signed, and a contribution card was given Mrs Gayj and the contribution moneys paid from time to time by her. The rnofrcys were received by her from Williams, the prisoner. He dared say their worships would know there was a rule in these societies^ that a person mutt contribute for six months before being able to receive benefit at all, *ken they received half benefit supposing tney died. After insuring for twelve months, their representatives received the full amount of insurance. In this instance the insurance was commenced on November 5th, 1883, and the pay- | ments duly kept up till November 24th, 1834. On, that date Is 9d v/as paid to Mr Hunt by Mrs! Gay. Upon the same day a certificate of death, purporting to be the true copy of an entry in the register at the registry office of Cardiff, was sent. It was drawn up on a form which appeared to be authentic, and was signed apparently at the registry. That certificate was sent by the prisoner to Mrs Gay, and it was sent by Mrs Gay to Mr Hunt, the Bristol agent. In due course it was forwarded to the head office of the society, in order that the amount due under the policy y might be paid to the representatives of Cook. It seemed, from some cause or other, the head office had some suspicion. They sent the certificate of death to Mr Cross (the person who laid the information) their agent at Cardiff, who made inquiries at the registry, and compared the cer- tificate with the original book. He found that the certificate from beginning to end was a forgery. There was no entry in the original book in the possession of Mr Watkins, the registrar, which would compare with the copy which this purported to be. He found that Mr J. Milward,,a surgeon, who it was pretended had attended Cook, had never attended such a case. The address of Wm. Charles Cook, 4, Adams- street, Cardiff, was found to be fictitious, and the address of the person named Robinson, who was supposed to have been in attendance at the time of the death, was also false. There was, in fact, no such person, and it was an attempt to defraud from beginning to end. The premium had been kept up by the prisoner until the person who was assumed to be the insurer got into benefit, and when the certificate was forged and sent in the amount would have been paid u in the ordinary way, had not these inquiries been made. There would be a number of other char- ) ges. He had there seven cases on cards, which were obtained through Mr Gay, containing the 9 names of people who never bad any existence, and on winch these non-existent persons had been insured by the prisoner, and the premiums paid by him. In one cass the person after getting into half benefit, was supposed to have died, and a certificate of death was forwarded to the secretary and the money paid to Mrs Gay, and by her to the prisoner. The writing In the certificate in that case was the same as that in tho case in which the present charge was instituted. Mr Gore, having looked at the certificate in the case which the money was paid, said it was ap- parently signed by the registrar. Mr Wansbrough said he should ask for a remand, and should on another occasion prefer other charges. Mr York said he should apply that the prisoner be admitted to bail. He was a married man, a householder, and could get bail to the amount of ;6509.-iNIr Wansbrough opposed this application on the ground that the prisoner had already kept out of their way. They had to watch his house three or four days before they caught him. It was a case of great magnitude. Thomas Cross,of Albert-road, Cardiff, insurance agent to the Royal Liver Society, said on the 22nd of December, 1884, he received what pur- ported to be a certificate of death of William Charles Cock, and made inquiries which showed him that the certificate and persons concerned were non-existent. Mr Robinson then remanded the case for eight days, and said the charge was so serious that he could not grant the application for bail.

FRATRICIDE NEAR LEWES. I Suicide of the Murderer. I Intelligence was received at Lewes ou Thursday morning by Mr Baxter, coroner for East Sussex, Lhat a man named Barber, residing at Langton, had been murdered by his brother, the latter afterwards hanging himself. Both were quite dead when found one lying on the ground with his head severely tattered, the other suspended from a beam. The younger had threatened to commit suicide, but no cause has been alleged for the murder of his brother.

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