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HARRY SEYMOUR; ' OR Incidents…









FACTS AND FANCIES, I -4- A CocK THAT NEVEK CROWS.—A weathercock. MEN WHO ALWAYS ACT OX THE SQUARE.— Chessmen. THE LESSON OF THE HouR.—Sixty seconds make a minute, sixty minutes make an hour. Why is an author looking for writing fluid like a coroner discharging the duties of hisomce?—Be- cause he is holding an ink quest. Erskine puzzled the wits of his acquaintance by inscribing on a. tea-chest the words, Tu doces." It was some time before they found out the wit of this literal translation—" Thou teachest." Were you never in a court of justice before ?" asked a judge of a witness who was conducting himself in a very unseemly manner. No, never," replied the man, but I've often besn up before the magistrates." First friend (over a glass of beer): Wee!, John, tae tell the truth, my faatber wiz a cosmo- politan, but I am a misanthrope." Second ditto "You're no' like mc, man. My farther wiz a collier, and am n collier tae, although it's no' the be,t 0' professions the noo." A young lady called at a. music shop and asked for something new in piano music. The clerk asked her if it made a.ny din'erence how many sharps there were in the piece. "Oh, no," she replied, "not in the least, for if there are more than two I always scratch them out with my penknife. In the days of State lotteries persons took con- siderable trouble to ensure success. An instance is recorded of a lady who held a ticket in such a speculation having the following prayer offered up in church on the day before the drawing— The prayers of the congregation are desired for 8 the success of a person engaged in a now under- taking." Look into mo eyes, me darling, and tell me you are mine!" sang a smooth-faced stripling beneath the cottage window one dewy eve in June. She looked into his eyes seven years later, about the time he was to wed another gir], and vowed to bo his unless her damaged affec- tions were poulticed up with a thick swaddling of greenbacks. How constant is woman !-Ainei-icait -Paper. A remarkable case of conscience was lately revealed in a proceeding before a French court. A man was up on a charge of stealing some candies, and the counsel was examining wit- nesses who had bought from him. One of them said that, though I'o had suspected the candles had been stolen, he had bought a franc's worth, but that in order not to robbery, he had paid for them wii<h a bad franc The fair sex in Guernsey is not to be trined with. At a fancy-dress ball given there recently by the subalterns of an infantry regiment, a lady, noted for originality and wit, was brought by chance to the stde of one of the chief military au- thorities of the place. Said she to Cotonei Z., "May I ask, Colono), what arc you?" "Oh," answered the Colone), who was evidently not in one of his happiest moods, "I am nothing! What are you?" "I -am next to nothing, was tho prompt rejoinder. There is a young man who, upon coming into possession of a considerable sum of l11'JllCY by the dfath of a rotative, wrote to the secretary of one of the leading clubs, saying he ''wanted to be- lor; and w.uitcd to knuw the price of admis- sion." The secretary responded in writutg. Being a member and omcor of this club myself, I can fully appreciate your desire to join. The price of admission is good character, election by ballot, and some other trining forms but in thm club all the reserved seats, and even those in the gallery, arc occupied." When L'IrJ :Monk cams into Parliament, h'3 sat below the g'mgway en the Opposition side. where the principal body of the disc?ntd Irish Brigade were always to be spei. His ]n:-dsh:p, wishmg to place h'mse!f at their head, adopted a patronising manner towards them, which !)3 thought, being an Irish peer, would be duly ap- preciated. Meeting one evening Mr Scul!y, the member for the county of Cork, ha gave him a p*t-on the shoulder, and said, Wel], Scull, how are you ? whereupon the commoner, annoyed at Lord Monck's familiarity, replied, I will thank you, my lord, not to deprive my name of the last letter or, tf you do, pray add it to your own, and so call¡yourself-JIonck-y. At a, meeting at the Crystal Palace lately, Mr Hayter, C.E., told an amusing anecdote. The examiners of the school had combined with their praise of the students' work a little judicial com- ment upon their spelling. It was pointed out, for example, that knoch" was hardly a fair orthographic symbol for notch." On the other hand, the lad who spelt "hydraulic" thus, ''hydrolick," was a little too fond of phonetic spelling. Mr Hayter. however, reminded the examiners that education in these minu:e details has only recently been expected oi engineers. In his younger days many clever engineers were comparatively unlettered. He knew one par- ticularly a.Me fellow, tha admiration of his profes- sion, who puzzed a.11 his comrades by the use after his name of the two letters S.I. ?At length some o ne was bold enough to ask what they meant. What was the answer ? Civil Engineer." In connection with the present distress and some of the worthless characters who trade upon it, a, good story is told of a reverend gentleman of Bristol. It appears that an old woman called upon him and told him such an aSocting story of a daughter and grandchildren reduced to the utmost want that he gave her half a crown. Soon after leaving his house he passed tho reciplent of hia charity talking to another woman, and overheard their conversation without being observed by tham. "Wet), have you been to old U.?" "Y e: and he gave mo this"—showing the half-crown ;upf'n which the other replied with glen, "Come along then, and we'll have something to drink out of it." They accordingly proceeded to a neighbouring public-house, ioHowed, sti!I unobserved, by the charitable C. They had two slassns of hot gin and water at the b:ir, gave the half-crown, .md the change was put on the counter. Tne ol woman was about to take it up, when MrL. p;t his h&nd over her shoulder and po,eszzcl,i Inms'.1,t of it before she could prevent him. "No, aa.d he, as she turned round to see who it was tnat m- terposed, the change belongs to old C. and he took it and went his way. ART IN DiFFMULTiKS.—It is well known that Mr Prinsep, the artist, has undertaken to painc a picture of the Imperial Assemblage at Dc]hi, in which the native princes wiH naturaHy p!ay a, prominent pMt. Few ure aware, however, of the dimcultiea that have attended his t!sk. The likenesses could barely be sketched in on the spot, so Mr Prinsep was compelled to snck out many rajah" at home." in the north and north- east, the centre, and south of India. In his recent work, Imperial India, he gives gome amusing particulars. The costume of the rajahs was Mr Prinscp's standing dimculty, bt-ing that part of themsalves which they are often must, anxious to see correctly reproduced. "Why, you've given only one eye t" said the Ma,ha.rani of Baroda of the young Guikwar's picture. "And why have you shown onlv two strings of pca.rl" from the tMs'jI of 1)7i,,r(,es fhlk¡,o was the nraf to bj be??n, though it will be the twen?v-fourth v.-h"a nnished. This distinguished India.n ruter sat a.)t the worse one day for wanting hLs breakfast, a.d the next for hnving had it. He was magiiiiieently bored from nrst to last he yawned and tolled <-n hia chair, while his attendants snapped their fingers "to prevent devils from jumping down his throat." Four men brought in the tra} s of jewels from which the day's ornaments were to be chosen, a fifth superintended the selection, and the sixth held up ? looking-glass which c.)st a- shilling. Scindia. was good-humoured, but impracticable, and declared sitting was worse than the hardest day's praying ho had ever had. Rewah, or Bagbel Khand, was ongmai in man- ners and appearance. He tied up his whiskers with a handkerchief to make them bnstle. His crown was an eccentric hat, worth forty thousand Pounds. Though barbaric in dress, he has a fair skin and quite European hands. He is much given to "pooja" (praying), but more so to sport. He said, "When tiger come, ponjn must wait." This is a specimen of his conversa- tion. Talking orJaIIawar, he said, "He little child, and stupid." "Silly" said the agent. "No; stupid. He a ass." "Why?" "He come to me and say. Maharajah well?' I say, I quite we!).' Then he say again, 'Maharajah well?' I say, 'Quite well.' He say again, Maharajah quite well'" I say, No Maharajah 'D. Oh, he a asa' Later on (to Mr Prinsep), i say, sar, when I sitting I put on durbar face." What is that?" "Like angry tiger." "Hungry tiger," said Mr Prinsep, misunderstanding him. "No, sar, not hungry; that mean passion. Angry tiger, that good word." An<t he proceeded to A oaJl up a comic expression.