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LONDON LETTER.

MR GLADSTONE AND THE LIBERALS…

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I A RACE FOR LIFE.

IYANKEE YARNS.

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YANKEE YARNS. It was in Boston. A low musical sound came up from the closet under the stairs, and the mother listened. It was her little son softly sing- iug to himself, I need thee every hour." How glad I am that I took my boy to hear that sermon on 'Closet Devotions' at the Tabernacle last evening said she. Then she could not forbear stepping quietly to the closet 4door to catch a glance at the dear child," the precious lamb —" bless his heart!" So she did. And she saw him-saw him devoutly engaged in humming that revival hymn, and also running his finger around in the preserve jar. And there the devotions broke up-broke up amid groans of repentance for sin found out. A SENSITIVE MAN. j Look here 2" called a man, pressing his face against the grates of the city prison and address- ing a policeman who stood outside. "Well?" What was I put in here for, anyway?" You'll find out when the police court meets." Podner, I am a very sensitive man, and the thought that I have committed a crime haunts ms. 1 just tell you what's a fact, I cant' stan.! it. What did I do ?" Weil if you must know, you got drunk and shot a man. Oh, is that all? I was afraid that I had insulted s■■•nieone. Much obliged." FOB JULIA'S SAKE. A Carson tourist, says a Nevada paper, was i.,itety,,ramblin.- mountains, studyioif j tie beauties of 3iattire and purchasing ,;rout or Waskoe Indians. As he wandereo iim-i-ca tbo trackless forests, he imasrmed that font ma a had ever pressed the ytoun-'i, i'»:setting that every foot of land he was on been ion.; ",I:PP"'¡ up by Government patent by speculators. Ho j suddenly arrived ;tt a beautiful cascade, and, | while admiring the rush o- l the waters, wH: tiieir cool splash and gliding current runn'Djr at !• seven miles an hour, he saw a Californian tourist on the ot her sine also contemplating the ideattcai I glide, splssh, and rush that so impressed the No j vada. tourist. Presently the Californian crossed on a fallen log and, as they met, ;ho Nevada tourist said, I never heard of this fall before as the original discovcrer,! have concluded tonitzie. it after my wife." Weil, I dice that i've | been here two hours, and am the jirilt discoverer { by at least an hour and three-quarters, I have determined to name it after my aiffanced." "To j the (jeuce with your affianced Being the first married, I propose to name the falls after »y wife, and nothing s.ia,t) stop me. I'lli have it as- nounced sn the Appeal to-morrow." "Not it I know myself," aaiu ;he Caiifornian, removing his coat. Ttis State of also removed his coat, and they fell to work. It was just the place for a D'ce qniet bout, and no chance of interruption, In about fifteen minutes both were so badly used up that they sat apart for awhile for breath. There did not. seem to hc., hiif enough air on themoun- tains to gthum wind they wanted. Pre- sentiy the Nevada ru-m t'0"e up and s„iri, "'Ye'Jl go it again: these shall be called the'.J ttlia. on. ¡'alis,' :md don'r. YO'.l bret it." Great Scott, j strange,r, is your wife's ù-ame Jtùia? Hang me by tiie tieels if my intended wasn't christened the same way The Julia 1'alls goes with me It's ex actly what I propped to call 'em." Each man produced a bottle from his pocket, exchanged, stood up, and drank to the Julia Palis. They managed to get ua-ck to the Tailac House, where both are waiting for the swelling of their heads to go down. ^OCXFiEr. ANSWERED. How satiatactorily a witness answered a cross- examining iawyer is thus told by a New York -i,, was a fad thing for Lettie Davis when she put out her washing on the clothes-line of her South If ifth Avenue abode yesterday. Pet- er-on Knapp was there on the watch, and, it is alleged, carried off the raiment, part and parcel. í At all events, a policeman arrested hjm for the j offence, and he went to the Jefferson Market j police-court prepared to maintain his innocence by j counsel. Lettio was there too, and, in .spite of nu- merous trying interruptions from the counsel, she j got down to the p>>int in her narrative where she j discovered Peterson longingly eyeing the clothes as she hung them out. 'Dat brae nigger,' she said, ungently apostrophising the prisoner, 'he stood dah wif an old clay plp shoved whar it d I do de mos'good, and ho a-pulfin' as if .hod like to split- But de way he looked at dam clothes was quite 'uough to show any reason'blo 'oomans dat day wa'n't gafe, I Gome, witness,' quoth counsel sarcastically, tell us just what kind of a look that is.' Oh, you git out wss the snappish rejoinder. I insist on that question. How did the prisoner look to convey the impression that the clothes were in danger'j' Witness was ready with another tart reply, but his Honour said, Come, you must answer. How did he look ?' The witness seemed puzzled. 'Did he look,' asked his Honour, glancing around for a simile —«did he look like—like counsel, for instance ?' Oh, 'deed, no, sir l* replied the witness. If he looked de least bit like dat gemman, dere wouldn't been no robbery at all.' Ali., said the coun- cellor, 'how's that ?" I'd made udder errange- ments.' 'Indeed!' he continued, smilin, 'What might they have been ?' Why, if he looked at all like you does, I wouldn't have dar'd to hang dem clothes out at all! The editor of the Hornville Simon gives Cleve- dem clothes out at all! The editor of the Hornville Simon gives Cleve- land the following advice Governor, don't try to please everybody. Don't try to stand in with every fellow that comes along. I know what it is to make such an attempt. Some time ago, I went out into the Possom Trot neighbourhood and took up a school. There had been many unsuc- cessful educational attempts made in that vicinity, and with this in view, I decided to please every- body. I was kind to the children and did every- thing I could to scatter learning among them, but somehow I made enemies. Thinking that I was not quite particular enough, I doubled my efforts and strained every nerve to give satisfaction, but without success for several days afterwards a man in brown jeans csme around knocked me down and rolled me under the house among the u hogs. This assured me that I had not tried hard enough to please my patrons, so I doubled up my efforts again. The next week two men came and bumped m. against a beech tree. I was a little discouraged at this, for I did not think that my endeavours had met with proper appreciation, hut I folded my efforts again. The very next day three men came, and hitching a trace-chain to me, dragged me through a briar patch. Then I was heartily discouraged. I was mad. Securing a gun and a revolver, I took chem into the house. Then I got a pole and began to larrup fame's eternal camping ground out of the boys. The next day a man came round and complimented me. When he left, I whaled the boys again. The next day two men came around and congratulated me. The third day after the reformation set in, I kaocked down five boys and sent eight home howl- ing with great eclat. Now sir you may not be- lieve it, but the following Saturday I was invited ont to dinner. All or this taught me the lesson of how useless it is for a man to attempt to please everybody. I don't try to please anybody now, and by following me, your life, like mine, governor, may become a success." AN AGGRIEVED HUMORIST. Captain," said the humorist of the Daily Hawk, addressing the exchange editor, I wish yon wouldn't clip any more alleged fun from the Drawing Knife." b Why ?" asked the captain. Well, although I do not wish to cast any re- flections on your judgment, I do not think that the editor of that paper can write humor." Writes slush, eil 7" That's the word, captain. He writes slush." I see that it is pretty widely copied. How do you account for that fact ?" I tell you," replied the humorist, with signs of uneasiness, half of the newspaper clippers consult their convenience rather than their taste. Probably you are correct, but have you noticed that the editor of the Drawing Knife does consult his taste." "I don't think so." Oh, yes ho does. Have you observed that he never copies any of your matter ?" Hah "Notice how his carving knife misses your stuff 7" Well, really that is-er that is—" Is er the reason why you don't want me to clip his matter," interposed the captain. "Ah, here is an excellent artile from theDrawing Knife, Been going the rounds for some time. Don't see how I missed it. My dear young fun maker, don't be discouraged, for I am told that the man who wrote this excellent article," holding np the clip- ping trom the despised sheet, "was once nearly as gloomy in his style of composition as you are now. l Don't be discouraged. Sit down and write us something about the dude who went to see his best girl. Don't forget to put in best."

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FACTS AND FANCIES.

! ATHLETIC NOTES. !___

-KILLED IN THE HUNTING FIELD…

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ATTEMPTED MURDER AT wf INEWPORT.

THE CHANNEL SQUADRON ORDERED…

-COLLISION BETWEEN1 TWO ;…

THE HASTY MARRIAGE. AT CARDIFF.

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