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LONDON LETTER.

MR GLADSTONE AND THE . LIBERALS…

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I ; A RACE FOR LIFE. I

IYANKEE YARNS.I

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I YANKEE YARNS. I It was in Boston. A low musical sound came up from the closet under the stairs, and the mother listened. It was her little son softly sing- ing to himself, "I need thee every hour." How glad I am that I took my boy to hear that sermon on 4 Closet Devotions' at the Tabernacle last evening! said she. Then she could not forbear stepping quietly to the closet door to catch a glance at the dear child," the precious lamb bless his heart!" So she did. And she saw him-saw him devoutly engaged in humming that revival hymn, and also running his finger around in the preserve jar. And there the devotions broke up-broke up amid groans of repentance for sin found out. I A SENSITIVE MAN. Look here ?" called a man, pressing his face against the grates of the city prison and addres- ing a policeman who stood outside. "Well?" What was I put in here for, anyway ?'' You'll find out when the police court meets." Poduer, I am a very sensitive man, and the thought that I have committed a crime haunts me. I just tell you what's a fact, I cant* stand it. What did I do 2" Well if you must know, you got drunk and shot a man." "Oh, is that all? I was afraid that I had insulted someone. Much obliged." FOB JULIA'S SAKE. A-Carson tourist, feays a Nevada paper, was lately rambling in the Sierra mountains, studying the beauties I of Nature and purchasing trout of Waskoe Indians. As he wandered through the trackless forests, he imagined that no foot of man had over pressed the giound, fe. getting that every foot of land he was on had been long ago snapped up by Government patent by speculators. He suddenly arrived at a beautiful cascade, and, while admiring the rush of the waters, with their cool splash and gliding current running at seven miles an hour, he saw a Californian tourist on the other side also contemplating the identical glide, splssh, and rush that so impressed the Ne- vada tourist. Presently the Californian crossed on a fallen log and, as they met, the Nevada tourist said, I never heard of this fall before as the original discoverer,I have concluded to name it after my wife." 11 Well, I like that I've been here two hours, and am the first discoverer by at least an hour and three-quarters. I have determined to namo it tfter inykffianced." "To the deuce with your affianced Being the first married, I propose to name the falls after my wife, and nothing shall stop me. I'll have it an- nounced in the Appeal to-morrow." "Not if I know myself," said the Californian, removing his coat. Th« State of Nevada also removed his coat, and they fell to work. It was just the place for a nice quiet bout, and no chance of interruption. In about fifteen minutes both were so badly used up that they sat apart for awhile for breath. There did not seem to be half enough air on the moun- tains to give them the wind they wanted. Pre- sently the Nevada man rose up and s-id, We'll go it again: these shall be called the Julia Falls,' and don't you forget it." Great Scott, stranger, is your wife's name Julia? Hang me by the heels if my intended wasn't christened the same way The Julia Falls goes with me It's ex actly what I proposed to call 'eiii." Each man produced a bottle from his pocket, exchanged, stood up, and drank to the Julia Falls. They managed to get back to the Tallac House, where both are waiting for the swelling of their heads to go down. COUNSEL ANSWERED. I IIow satiaiactorily a witness answered a cross- examining lawyer is thus told by a New York paper—" It was a sad thing for Lettie Davis when sho put out her washing on the clothes-line of her South Fifth Avenue abode yesterday. Pet- erson Knapp was^tiierc on the watch, and, it is alleged, earned off the raiment, part and parcel. At ail events, a policeman arrested him for the offence, and lie went to the Jefferson Market poiice-coiirt prepared to maintain his innocence by counsel. Lottie was then; too, and, in spite of nu- merous trying interruptions from the counsel, she got down to the point in her narrative where she discovered Peterson longingly eyeing the clothes as she hung them !),,t I)r.,tc n; -I)e 1)11119 said, ungently apostrophising the prisoner, he stood dab w:t au old clay pipe shoved whar it (I do de mos'good, and ho a-puffin' a-; if he d like to split. But de way he looked at clelll clothes was quite to show any reason'ble 'oonians d,it dity safe., Come, witness,' yni.th couusel sarcastically. «tell us J^t what kind -o t' a look that is.' you gir. out Wss the snappish rejoinder. 1 insist on that question. How did the prisoner look to convey the impression that the clothes were in danger?' Witness was ready with another tart reply, but his Honour snid, Come, yon must answer. How did he look ?' Tho witness seemed puzzled. ])i(i he look,' asked his Honour, glancing around for a simile did h,) look Jike-Jike counsel, f,),. ? I 'Oh, 'deed, no, gir replied the witness. If 'H! looked de least bit like dat gemman, dere wouldn't been no rohbery at all.1 Ah,' said the coun- cilor, 'how's that ?" I'd made udder errarigc- ments.' IiiCieed he continued, smiling What might they have been ?' Why, if he looked at all like you does, I wouldn't have dar'd to hang dem clothe; out at all !■" The editor of the Hornville Sooon gives Cleve- land the, follovviug advice "Governor, don't try to please everybody. Don't try to stand in with every fellow that comes along. I know what it is to make such an attempt. Some time ago, I went out into the Possom Trot neighbourhood and took up a school. There had been many unsuc- cessful educational attempts made in that vicinity, and with this in view. I decided to pleai-e every- body. I was kind to tho children and did every- thing I could to scatter learning among them, but somehow I made enemies. Thinking that I was n,»t quite particular enough, 1 doubled my efforts and strained every nerve to give satisfaction, but without success for several days afterwards a man in brown jeans csme around, knocked me down and rolled me under the house among the ]K,rrs. This assured me that I had not tried hard enough to please my patrons, so I doubled up my efforts again. The next week two men came and bumped m« against a beech tree. I was a little discouraged at this, for I did not think that my endeavours had met with proper appreciation, but I folded my efforts again. The very next day three men came, and hitching a trace-chain to me, dragged me through a briar patch. Then I wit", heartily discouraged. I was mad. Securing a gun and a revolver, I took them into the house. I'hen I got a pole and began to larrup fame's eternal camping ground out of the boys. The next day a man came round and complimented me. When he left, I whaled the boys again. The next day two men came around and congratulated me. The third day after the reformation set in, I kaocked down five boys and sent eight home howl- ing with great eclat. Now, sir, you may not be- lieve it, but the following Saturday I was invited ont to dinner. All ot this taught me the lesson of how useless it is for a man to attempt to please everybody. I don't try to please anybody now, and by following me, your life, like mine, governor, may become a success." AN AGGRIEVED HUMORIST. "Capaitl,') said the humorist of the Daily Hawk, addressing the exchange editor, "I wish yon wouldn't clip any more alleged fun from the Drawing Knife." Why ?" asked the captain. Well, although I do, not wish to cast any re- flections on your judgment, I do not think that the editor of that paper can write humor." Writes slush, eh ?'' That's the word, captaio. He writes slush." I see that it is pretty widely copied. How do you account for that fact ?" I tell you," replied the humorist, with signs of uneasiness, half of the newspaper clippers consult their convenience rather than their taste. Probably you are correct, but have you noticed that the editor of the Drawing Knife does consult his taste." "I don't think so." Oh, yes he does. Have you observed that he never copies any of your matter 7" Hah P' "Notice how his carving knife misses your stuff ?" Well, really that is-er that is-" "Is er the reason why you don't want me to clip bis matter," interposed :the captain. Ah, here is an excellent artile from thedrawing, Knife, Been going the rounds for some time. Don't see how I missed it. My dear young fun maker, don't be discouraged, for I am told that the man who wrote this excellent article," holding np the clip- ping trom the despised sheet, was once nearly as gloomy in his style of composition as you are now. Don't be discouraged. Sit down and .write us something about the dude who went to see his best girl. Don't forget to put in best."

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FACTS AND FANCIES.

I ATHLETIC NOTES. I

-'--.--KILLED IN THE HUNTING…

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IATTEMPTED MURDER AT' NEWPORT.…

THE CHANNEL SQUADRON ORDERED…

COLLISION BETWEEN TWO STEAMERSAT…

-.--THE HASTY MARRIAGE AT…

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