Abergavenny Chronicle

THE WARES OF CUPID. I What is love? One fails to define, but it is apparent that there is no cheap love on life's market at present. That some may be of inferior quality is true, but we have grown pract-ically. hardened to paying the same price for most things, regardless of their standard. High-priced lov, is one of the keys with which women can unlock the genius of the man for whom she holds it. One of the advantages of lugh- priced love is that it is not nearly so likely to bo snapped up bv the first unworthy person who passes. If two people marry with but the cheapest love as a foundation of their life together, it is a case of living temporarily in a child's world of pretence. Later they awaken, and the "cheapness" of the love irritates both of them. Men and women who marry on cheap love are very like the person who goes to a quack dentist and has a tooth drawn without gas—just to show bravery! And that sort of thing fails to pay either wooer or wooed

STRANGE CABINET MEETINGS. I As is generally known, all Cabinet meet ings are officially suppo-sed to be held at 10, Downing-street, but there are occasions on record when circumstances necessitate State Councils at more convenient places. A glance through political memoirr3 shows thai Cabinet meetings have been held in all oorts of curious plmetimes at Apsley House, sometimes in Piccadilly, in White- hall Gardens, and in the Palace of West- minster. They have taken place in railway carriages, in bedrooms, and no doubt on royal yachts crossing the Solent. It w also a fact that various country houses have been the scene of important Cabinet meetings out o.f session; while, at the time when a large secti-on of the Cabinet was keenly interested -in racing, there were Cabinets both at Newmarket and at Epsom. One now awaits to hear that an aeroplane has been the venue of such gatherings.

FLYING TO THE POLE. I We have flown the Atlantic, and the ques- tion now 1a: Will the Americans 1>0 the first to fly to the North Pole? They are at present preparing an expedition, to be oom- manded by Captain Robert A. BortVott. The promoters of this expedition have been struck bv the recent wonderful progress of aerial photography, and they think that from an aeroplane it will be possible to photograph the Arctic region. The obsta- cles to be surmounted by most expeditions do not exist for the airman, and without even coming to the ground he can proceed to photograph things of the greatest meteorological and geographical interest. The expedition has been planned at the sug- gestion of Vice-Admiral Peary, and its en- deavours to solve the mysteries of the north will be followed with great interest.

SNEEZES AND THEIR CAUSE I One always wonders when one sneezes, why? Some people sneeze for curious reasons. There is a clergyman who can never cross the road on a very hot day with. out carrying an umbrella. If he does, he is immediately taken with a violent fit of sneezing. Another man is similarly affected by exposure to bright gas-light. Peculiar odours have been known to cause 6neezic g. A chemist's wife always sneezed when ipecacuanha was being used in the shop, and another person always found sneezing necessary wdienever he entered a room where there were violets. And there is an account of a wen-known physician who was fond of chocolates, but could never fat one without suffering spasmsi of sneezing. We know children who would give up sneez- ing for chocolates readily and are open to meet the unfortunate physician.

I OTHER MEN'S MINDS. I Royalty has always been kind to the pro. fes.gaoi,i.-A-fr. Joe Elvin. I TRUNK ROADS WANTED. I We need far more main trunk r4Deds.- Mr. Joynson-Hicks, M.P. I STILL THE SAME. I No change has been made in our foeeiga trade policy.—Sir Auckland Geddes. I IF ANY! I The virus of autocracy has reached the Government's b.airii.-Iord Devonport. I THE DISASTROUS PRELUDE. I The Ways and Communications Bill ÍB the disastrous prelude to nationalisation.—Lord Montagu. I THE THREATENED FAMINE. I Central and Eastern Europe is in danger I of a famine which may involve all nations in a common ruin.—Dr. A. T. Guttory. I LENIN THE WISE! In the course of the next three months the fate of Imperialism, as well as that of the world revolution, will be decided.—Lenin. I BRITAIN'S FIGHT. I We have always been the leading indus- trial nation of the world, but we are g-oing- to have a fight to keep our plam.-Prinloc Albert. I EVERYBODY'S TROUBLE. My only excuse for "outrunning the con- stable" is that my inoome ought to have been greater than it was.—Earl of Clan- carty. I A UNIVERSAL DANGER. I At no time in the history of the woria has civilisation been in greater danger than to-day, not even during the «sar.—Sir George Paish. I SERBIA'S ROLE. I Serbia is the chief enemy of Montenegro. ■—Mr. Alexander Devine. I IN PEACE-TIME, YES! I Army huts are better than overcrowded dwellings and healthier than slums.—Mr. W-aldorf Astor. I ORGANISE! We have had organised butchery; we must now have organised brotherhood.- Rev. T. Nightingale. I ANCIENT JOURNALISM. I can remember the days when a lot ot penny-a-liners used to come to my courts. —Dr. Waldo, City coroner. MODESTY. Some people have got into the habit of crver-rating the importance of my per^onaJ contribution..—Mr. Churchill. A CRYING SCANDAL. Luggage thieves, pickpockets, and book- makers are receiving out-of-work pay.—Mr. Bingley, Tower Bridge magistrate. LOOK EAST AND WEST. It is no use bothering ourselves merely about Germany. We have much more serious competition coming 'upon us from America.—Professor II, E. Armstrong. NEED FOR UNITY. [ All our plans for preventing futuse wars must be based upon a union of thought, in WMtimeut and mutual help of the Anglo- Samon peoples.—General Pershing. THE AIRSHIP'S FUTURE. Airships will cut out ooroplanœ for long distancea.—Sir Charles Parsons. TRUTH IN THE BACKGROUND. During the war propaganda- had to teake precedence of truth.—Canon Burroughs. STEERING TO DEATH. I think the country is heading for dis- aster.—Sir John Modura, headmaster of Mill Hill. A FLYING BOAT. ] A flying boat will shortly travel on a trial flight from Egypt to the C?pe.—Oeu. Grieves. LUCKY COUNCILS-! The credit of many munioipaiitiee is betteir than that of the State.—Major Wal- dorf Astor. AN UN-COMMON SENSE. I Men of common sense are uneasy about the trial of the ex-Kaiser.—Archdeaaoo. of Nottingham. I National Kitchens should be kept going I through the coming wintep.-Food Con- I troller Roberts. HIS HARD PART. I Macbeth is the hardest part I have ever I played. Hamlet is my favourite part.Sir J. Forbes-Robertson. SO WOULD MANY. I I would like to see Victory Loan kJtterics I approved by the Government.—Major I General Townshend. NEVER TO RETURN. I It is impossible for us to go book to the conditions that prevailod bafoae the vior.- I Sir Donekl Macaiitster. WREN REFORMING THE WOBLD. I However conscious the average cstieen may be of his own ability to refoarm the world, the first business of aH to-day ie- to be as quiet as po«*ibk>, to work as hard as possible, a.nd to cultivate a spirit erf con- tentment.—OeJion Alexander. OUR BRAVE DOYS., I British soldiers were brave beyond praeww in the European war.-Mr. Ne-wfcou D. Baker, U.S. War Secretary. FLATTER IN G THE PRESS. I What I considered one of the grewteafc ex- citements of the Atlantic flight was read- ing the Press accounts of A.Sir JSohn ALooofe.

Arriving home, Mr. A. G. BoveH, a Poet Office telegraphist, of Somerset-road, Hen- don, found his wife, aged ai, hanging dead from the banisters. Waterman to Queen's Cortege, Oxford, for 18 years, the body of the late Mr. James Beesley was borne part of the way to the churchyard on a raft on the river mmmd bv four watermen. "Monteneg'mie axe fighting Qerbkgm. Lord Lanedowue, who is at Bowood, is better. Viscount Grey expects to leave lor Wash- ington on September 16. While ratting at East Dereham, a fish- monger nsuned Shearing was severely in- jured in a fierce attack on him by a bulldog.

I CLUB WINDOW. ——— I With the rising of Parliament the King is due to go to Balmoral. There, no doubt, he will spend a large portion of his hard- earned rest on the moors. As is generally known, his Majesty is an excellent shot, and takes a great delight in keeping his own "COre of the birds falling to his credit. As line who has followed his numerous activities during the past few years very carefully, I ,-an safely say that no member of the com- I munity deserves a vacation more than he does. To forget the Queen is not my inten- tion, for she, too, has worked most assidu- ously, both at home and in France. It is to be trusted that they will both greatly benefit by their well-earned rest from publio service. # » So gravely is the labour situation re- garded on all hands that a huge amount of business has been done by insurance com- panies during the last few weeks against damage by riot or civil war. The rate for such insurance is higher than the rate for fire insurance. The damage by riot risk is now being covered at 5s. per cent. Another Luton outbreak will probably raise it to = £ 1 per certt. Property owners in the colliery districts, it is said, are tumbling over one another to insure. It is stated that there is a violent cam- paign against Mr. Lloyd George being waged by the French extremists. A vast amount of money is being spent in the dis- tribution of literature charging him with "crucifying" France, of which he and Presi- dent Wilson are alleged to have been the real rulers for the last two years. Seeing that the authors of this precious stuff incite the "infuriated masses" to "drag him on the hurdle at the. horse's tail." and that they are circulating their incitements in England as well a* in France, it is about time the Foreign Office took action of some sort. Who is financing the campaign, any- way? And also can't it be stopped? Ct Again, our French Allies appear to be dissatisfied in another direction. It is ecid that we have by no means heard the last of the sunken ships at Scapa Flow. The French Government is disposed to take the view that all the German vessels could be eahed, and not merely those that were beached or sunk in the shallows. Moreover, it is ttill politelv insistent on its original demands as to their distribution. -Meaning, in effect, that we should raise the ships, at very con- siderable expense, and then hand the bulk of them over to France! But knowing the better class French families as we do, we hare a little sympathy with their "idea" at least. No one doubts but that the House of Par- liament gets through a good deal of busi- ness, but that it also wastes a good deal of time is only too true unfortunately. For instance, why should Ministers say, "The answer is in the negative," when they simply mean N o": or "The answer is in the affirmative," when they simply mean "Yes"? In the course of a year quite a considerable amount of breath must be wasted. Mr. Balfour once, however, implied that a man was a liar without being called to order. He was Chief Secretary for Ire- land at the time, and an Irish member was tackling him concerning sorie police whom he had sent to fceep order at a certain meeting on the previous Sunday. Mr. Bal- four said that his action was due to the presence of the Irish member at the meet- ing. and of the disturbing effect it had. "But I wasn't there at all," exclaimed the Irish member. "I think," replied Mr. Bal- four urbanely, "the honourable gentleman is misinformed." < e There seems to be an invasion of artists— new to us by name and method of treat- ment. This' prompts the question: Which humorous artist makes the most money? Is it Bruce Bairnsfather, Heath Robinson, or Bert Thomas? It is said that the young American cartoonist, Mr. "Bud Fisher, earns about > £ 70,000 a year out of his pen- and-ink drawings. He owes his affluence largely to his two comic characters "Mutt and Jeff," whose doings run through a hun- dred American papers every day, and are followed by some 10,000,000 readers. At the moment he is on this side drarang for the "Sunday Express." < What is to be the fate, by the way, of Nicholas of Montenegro, whose kingdom has been absorbed in Greater Serbia? Is it a fact that the hard-pressed British tax-payer is helping this luckless ruler to maintain a comic opera court in Italy? And that the Allies are paying salaries to Ministers" whose chief job is to light their Sovereig-n's eternal cigarettes and collect the ashes thereof in a silver tray? Who wouldn't be a comic opera king? • » The American proclivity for interviewing is famous, and the penalties of fame arc never more evident than in the case of cele- brated Europeans visiting the great U.S.A. Few men appreciate this truth more than Mr. John Galsworthy, who, as soon as he set foot on American soil, was besieged by interviewers. They dogged his footsteps for many days, and he accepted the situa- tion with a good grace. To show what he had to put up with was indioatod in a humorous paragraph published in one of the New York journals to the effect that Mr. Galsworthy had decided to stand during certain hours at a particular point in Fifth- avenue, when he would be at the command of all who wished to interview him. The paragraph concluded: "A traffic somaplaorf signal will regulate the flow of eastward anQ northward and southbound interviewers It is now suggeeted that the latest place for the trial of the ex-Kaiser is Edinburgh. Should this suggestion be acted upon, the proceedings would take place in the old Parliament House, now the seat of the Court of Sessions, and the Imperial prisoner would be housed in the castle near at hand. The Government, who are anxious to find a venue where the dignity of international justice is not likely to be impaired by any regrettable ecenes, may decide on this ar- rangement, but personally I doubt it. < I see that, according to the "Sydney Bulletin, Harry Lauder's persistent can- vass on behalf of his damaged countrymen oooasioned an unexpected howl of censure at a matinee lately. He was sticking out his "bunnet" for a wee bit o' siller, sa y s the Australian paper in question, when a boiler-plated baritone advised him to desist. ( The comedian, always perturbed by any ;n- terruption, tried to silence the enemy with [ heavy impromptus, but th ese only pro-voked uproar, in which the voice of 1 fie intruder could be heard proposing to arbitrate the „ matter with Harry outside. Lauder emerged from his unpleasant encounter with about an inch of his dignity and a mere fragment of temper, but it can't be said that he de- served much sympathy. A man who wants to hold up Australia for Scotland's part in the war b simply inviting a protest in some "form or other. It has since been published that the Repatriation Department has re- quested the comedian to put away the hat.'

Ponr hundred children, half of whom upwe cripples, visited the Zoo as gT.est.-» of the Zoological Society. The treat was er- ganised by the Mile End and Stepney Crip- ples' Parlour. Mw. John W, Dennis, wife of the member for the Deritend Division of Birmingham, stumbled ond fell on a slippery pavement near her home in St. James'-square and broke a thigh-bone. Oysteus will be plentiful, but dearer. Official average price of 1919 wheat— 75s. (id. per quarter of 5041b. Viaeount and Viscountess Cave have left England on a three months' visit b South Africa. Mr. Daniel Jonas was shot dead while h" wtffl rabbit shooting at tRhydlewis, Cardi- ganshire.

I NOTES ON NEWS. It has for some time been thought in well- informed political circles that the answer to the question. Will Mr. Asquith return? is in the affirmative, and now comes the announcement by the "Edinburgh Evening News" that, "It is understood on the best authority that at the earliest pos- sible moment Mr. Asquith will seek to re- enter the House of Commons. Mr. Asquith will take a. prominent part in the coming autumn campaign in the country, but h.s programme in this respect is not yet fully worked out." Inquiries indicate that there is at the moment no likelihood of any M.P. retiring in order to give | Asquith the opportunity of fighting an elec- tion, but according to Mr. J. H. Hogge, M.P.. the Independent Radicals' whip, as soon as "a suitable vacancy" occurs too ex- Premier will contest it. This, no doubt, will be in the interests of the new Centre Party, j a:id the next few months should show a voiy great change in the country's representa- tion. "The Scroll of Heroism." Mr. Lloyd George was re-elected as Presi- dent cf the National Welsh Council at the annual meeting held at Llandrindod. At this conference, Mr. Llewellyn Williams, K.C., made a vigorous prot-est aga.inst toe settlement of the Welsh Church Act, in the House of Commons, and moved a resolution cf disapproval. He said the names of the three Welsh members—Messrs. Haven Jones, David Davies, and Sidney Robinson —who voted against the measure would be resplendent on the scroll of heroism in Wales when those of the majority of "Welsh members would have been eradicated in the oblivion from which many of them never ought to have sprung. This last remark, one might suggest, was a triile sarcastic. Helping the Fanners. Many official statements have oeen issueu as to the deliberations of the Royal Com- mission of Agriculture, although it is still sitting in private. Sir Thomas Middlet.cn, Development Commissioner, gave evidence as to the very great increase of cost in wheat production during the war, amcur.t- mg to nearly double on wheat growing. In the case of cattle fattening, the cost had risen from 49s. per live cwt. to 133s., esti- mated, next winter. He advocated the stabilisation of casts -and the guaranteeing of prices; also, the possibility of making holdings more economic in size. Mr. J. Odell Vinter predicted a serious loss to far- mers on Cambridge light lands if they got no more than this season's guaranteed prices; and Mr. Castoll Wrey urged a guarantee by the State, since the farmer was required to pay higher wages than nor- mal economic conditions permitted. Cases werl) mentioned in which controlled prices had been disadvantageous to farmers. This fact, together with increasing wages and the uncertainty of prices, had given rise to lack of confidence, resulting, in cases of poorer land, in a reversion to pasture. Mr. Good- ing (representing Norfolk Chamber of Agri- culture and Farmers' Federation, Ltd.; thought a guarantee must be given for a number of years, and the last suggestion will greatly appeal to the followers of agri- culture generally. "Save the Allotments." I It is said no fewer than lü members r.t Parliament arc pledged to support the National Union of Allotment Holders in their fight against summary eviction from their holdings. Large numbers of allot- ment holders' representatives were returned at the recent county council and district council elections, and in one or two cases— Bit.feme and Acton—the holders have a majority on the council. "Save the allot- ments" is to be the war cry at several of the borough council elections in November, and in Lambeth there will be six allotment candidates. Several scats at Wandsworth arc also to be fought on the same lines, and cx-soldiers who ape cultivating plots at Epping Forest threaten to resist eviction in December. In this we do not blame them a' ali; it would seem a great pity if work so well done should be rashly discarded, especially in view of the present labour position. Warning the Hun. I In order to stop trouble, the Military Governor of Cologne has issued a warning in no unmistakable terms. He says it is hereby made known that so long as the Bri- tish military authorities exercise control over the territory occupied by British troops no alteration in the German consti- tution of this territory will be permitted, and that no new authority will be recog- nised without the previous approval of the British military authorities. Any person who offends against this proclamation, or assists such action, exposes himself to the risk of imprisonment, or banishment from the occupied territory, or both penalties. In other words, there "ain't going to be" any revolution during our occupation. The King's Mulberries. I How many of you have seen the mulberry trees in Finsbury Circus-garden? They are there, in fact Sir Alpheus Morton has, in accordance with custom, transmitted some of their fruit to the Lord Mayor. These trees are probably the survivors of those which were planted by King James I for the encouragement of the silk industry in this country, an experiment, however, which failed. Shiploads of young trees were imported from abroad, and such importance did the King attach to the experiment that he actually appointed Lord Aston as superintendent of the Mulberry Gardens near St. James's, the exact site being the ground on which Buckingham Palace now stands. Many of these trees, says a writer on London, may still be seen in cut of the way corners to the east of Temple Bar, and within living memory almost there were some beautiful ones in the park which was once attached to the mansion of Sir Paul Pindar in Bishopsgate-street! The only mansions that now exist in Bishopsgate- street are those reserved for the conduct of commercial enterprises.

The British Bank for Foreign Trade, Limited, has issued a pamphlet explaining the needs for and purposes of the £ 6,000,000 loan to Finland, for which Treasury sano- tioii has been granted provided that the prcN^-ds are spent in the purchase of goods iti the United Kingdom. ft-iimoned at Tottenham for not paying rafcra, the Rev. Marcus Donovan said he had withheld payment to draw attention to the bad state of Walpole-roa.d. Power has been granted to Merton and JMorden Council to close a public footpath between Merton and .New Maiden to permit a factory to be built. At a fire at the Royal Cinema at Clee- thorpes, Lincolnshire, the operator was hurt, but the audience left without accident to anyone. Aged 79, the Rev. F. T. Wethered, vicar of Hurley, nea.r Mar low, whose death is an- nounced," bathed daily in the Thames, winter and summer, till a few months ago. Two French aviators have arrived at Cairo, having flown from Paris, via Con- stantinople.

OUR LONDON LETTER. [i-Vo/n Our Special Corresp(niderd.\ London. The speech which the Prime Minister de- livered on the eve of the adjournment, of Parliament was one of the most serious utterances which the House of Commons has ever listem-d to. The picturesque phrases which generally grace Mr. Lloyd George's nrat-orv were conspicuous by their absence. Til is was not an oration, but a straight talk, in plain, not to say blunt, language, to the whole nation. Its ajin was to bring b e -i?-l t v of t lic, home to the country the gravity of the situation, and especially the nee-a for greater output m every branch of industry. The Premier's declaration that we are not pay- ing our wav, and his disclosure of the urgent case of our trade and industry is calculated to make an irresistible appeal to every responsible and patriotic citizen. i find that criticism of the definite proposals put forward by the Government is less vocal than might have been anticipated. Every- where, I think, men are realising that to u<e almost the only figure in Mr. Lloyd George's speech we must all "man the boat and save the nation." [ THI; RECESS. It cannct be said that Parliament has not earned its holiday. In a, Session of rather more than seven months' duration a record in legislative output has been achieved. Never in the Parliamentary history of this country have so many great and far-rcach- ing" measures been passed in so short a time. The House of Commons, which used to be called the talking-shop, has become the 0;) of the nation. It is clear that when Farliajnent re-assembles matters net less urgent than those which have been dealt with during its first Session will im- mediately claim and receive attention. M.T's are therefore well entitled to a few weeks' respite from their labours. I hear, however, that many of them will spend part of the recess in their constituencies expound- ing and discussing the urgent problems which the Prime Minister has commended to the country's consideration. LABOUR AS AN EMPLOYER. A very piquant situation has arisen m connection with the dispute between the co- operative societies—a feature of life in the Midlands and the North—and the Am alga- ma tod Union of Co-operative Employers. The employees demand a 44-hour week and a miuimum of £ 4 for managers. The men have been locked out in consequence. There is also a. dispute about the recognition of unions, .the co-operative societies seeking, one gathers, to dictate what unions tney will recognise for the purpose of negotia- tion. In other words, the co-operative sccie- ties, although composed of workers, are, in the words of'the "Daily Herald," Labour's chief organ, in this matter "acting like the ordinary capitalist employer." Into the rights and wrongs of the dispute I do not pretend to enter, but that such things should take place in the workers' own ranks is matter for amused reflection. It is not im- possible that the workers, in their private capacity of employers, are rather sceptical as to what sort of output they will receive as employers, if their employees work only 44 hours a week. The "Daily Herald is naturally both sorry and angry, for, :.1<' it very justly remarks, this sort of thing is not likely to impress the nation at lurge with the workers' capacity to organise and control. OUR GRAVES IN FRANCE. Correspondents who have taken advantage of the increased facilities of travel to visit the graves of their boys in France have been sending an account of their experiences in the form of letters to editors. These letters form very comforting reading. Thoee that I have se&n published concur in testifying to the courtesy, consideration and sympathy of the officers on the spot, to whom no trouble is too great when assistance is de- sired to identify a grave. Testimony, too, is borne to the exceeding reverence with which the work of removing the bodies still scattered about the various fields of battle to the cemeteries is performed. In this operation the men engaged are most care- ful that nothing which may help identifica- tion is overlooked. FOOD AND ALLOTMENTS. I A good deal -of heart-searching is proceed- ing iu regard to the alleged intention of "Le London County Council to resume posses- sion of a proportion of the allotments in the public spaces under their control, for the pur po:óe so it is reported, of recreation. The food situation is eo serious that the aid of the Board of Agriculture will in all prob- ability be invoked in the matter. It is hard to exaggerate the importance of the contri- bution to the food position that the pro- duce of these allotments has represented. To stay, therefore, any effort in this most praiseworthy direction would, it is felt, 'be most regrettable. Certainly the reason :.15- signed— recreation—can hardly be regarded as adequate. Perhaps Sir Arthur Griffith- Boa wen, the new President of the Board of Agriculture, mav have something to say on the matter. THE LEAGUE AXD THE PBOPLE. I The League of Nations Union has. I nn- derstand, been encircling England with its missionaries. It is stated that at every sea- bide resort cf any irq-ortai.ee daily ad- dresses have been given during the month of August, and these are still in progress. The League idea- certainly attracts varied minds. I was at a South Coav-t report the other day and came upon one of these meetings in support of the League 01 Nations in progress. The speakers were a well-known Nonconformist divine and a rationalist journalist, little likely, I should imagine, to be in agreement with his cleri- cal colleague about anything but the League of Nations. On that subject both these gentlemen were agreed. They seemed to be attracting good crowds of holiday makers by their speeches.

FUNERAL PARTY AT A WEDDING. Bv on unfortunate mi: miners landing a funeral, for which no preparation bad been made, arrived at Wymering Church, Cos- ham, Hants, while a" wedding was in pro- gress. The funeral carriages were drawn into a lane until the wedding party had left the church, and the mourners then adjourned to the vicarage to wait while the sexton and bearers dug the grave.

As some soldiers were cutting out a hay- rick -it Sindlesham, Berks, the property of the Army ^authorities, valued at it suddenly took fire and was totally des- troyed. They ore more 1ike wild beasts than anything else, said the father of Robert and Henry Butlock. who were sentenced at Lambeth to imprisoinnient for attacking a woman. Latest company registrations include "Gladys Archbutt and E. Lewis Y» aller, Limited "—to carry on t.l>e business of universal theatrictl prcoders of millinery and drG?e3—'?)?h n-? -?' trrp:fa! of

FUN AND FANCY. Lady (in big stores,: ?Eave you aDy Lady (in big eto:e;): "'Have you _DY ?'vder?* New A??stunt: "lea'm. What kind-gun, baking, or face?" Landlady: Mr. Peckupp, I hope you had something ou liked for breakfast this münÜng," Pec'itu p: "Yes, indeed, 2u Skimp; I had a magnificent appetite." Haves: "Sandstone has me to lend him a couple of pounds, and I don't know whether to do it cr not. Would you?" Bayes (earnestly i: "I vs. id, old man. 3e has invited me to dhai.er this evening." Brown: "He has left behind lots of people who struggle to overtake him." Jones: Who i.s her" Bo A-;I "Conductor on a ir linear." ( d iietor c)n a Binks: "Why won't she marry you? Is there another man in the Jinis: "I'm afraid there is." Binks: "Do you know who it is J iIlks: "Yes; her father." A.: "What is the best business to which a young man can give his attention?" B.: "His own." He: "I can't afford to marry for ;• oars. Will you ivait for i,e' c-r- tairily, if no one else marries me beisie that. Mistress: "I am not quite satisfied with your references." Applicant: "Naytherxam 1.. mum: "but they' se the best I could get. Young Lady 'at fcaside, o tmariner): "V»hy a:e ell vcss.']s ?o k en 01 a? 's h e'? It's because they g'?'? so gra?-cfuHv now, Mariner: "'o, miss, it aiii;t. It's because of their riggin' costing eo much." "They tell me, professor, tha.t you b:v. mastere-a all th« modern to-n g i, c'A. ):cs, all but two—my wife's and her mother's The old gentleman had just stopped into the crowded tramcar. and bad accidentally trodden on young Fitzgerald's foot. "Con- tound you, you <are!e?s o!d baiter 1" cried the d v(,u, vo-,i ca-,ele,.s old c:-? ed jelly. "Ah!" said the ckl man calmly; s foot jelly, I suppose!" He: "Please be candid, and tell me when you want me to go." Sh, It's a couple of hours too late for that now." Imaginative Young Lady: "Suppose a fairv should appear and offer you three wishes What would you e!o?" Practical "ioung Man: "I'd sign the pledge Wc-o<?: "B'i??jns is hl] complaining a?ut hr? hK(,;ue t.?. Iron: "Y?;t's; his method of trying to ):,t you kn?w that his income is S()1'I1\.tJ.llg important." The Bald One: "Have von anything that will grow Ihe Barber "'My baby. He will eventually." "Can the doctors give the relatives of that rieli man no hope?" "None- whatever. They say he is likely to live for years He (during the cjuarre!): "You must think I'm as big- a fool as I look." Sha: "I think that if you aren't you have a great deal to be thankful for." Hewitt: "That fellow saved me from bankruptcy." Jewitt: "How was that?" Hewitt.: "He married the extravagant girl I was engaged to." Cassidy: "Do ycz really think thirteen is really an unlucky number?" O'Brien: "Bedad. Oi know it Oi thri<x? wan toime ■ to lid: thirteen men in a Uxmck. I Mrs. Youngvrife: "Would you stoop to search your husband's pockets while he's a,-ieep., Mrs. Longwed: "I have to stoop to do it. He just drops his clothes all over the floor." Dobson: "Binks has dved his hair black, D')-t I told youi"' Robscn: "Why?" Dobson: "He wants to keep it dark!" Mistress: "Let me see What's your na,me.el. Maid: "M innie, mum. Mis- tress: "Well, Minimum, if you'll only -do the maximum of wo: 'you'n suit!" the maximum of work, you'll suit A man was defending himself in a suit for divorce. "s he's unreasonable," he con- tended, adding, "The other day she called me the laziest man in the world because I threw a kiss at her." At a wedding reeo: 'ly. when the clergy- man asked the bride. "Wilt thou have this man to be thy A\-eddeJ. husband?" she, with a modesty which lent h"r beauty an addi- tional grace, replied, "If you please." Colonel (a great sufferer with corns): "Look here, sergeant, I believe vou have a man named Smith, v is a chiropodist?" Sergeant; "Misinformed, sir—'e's Church of England." "Who is at the 'phone?" "Your wife, sir." "What does she want?" "The only word I can understand is idiot/ sir." "Let me come there. She probably wants to talk with

S s ) Look YouDgI S í A Tonthful appearance is a ,,I..ble J, asset to everybody and no one appre- J I ciates this fact more keenly than woman. In business, social and J >• private life it will always be to your j ■ advantage to look young-to wear B W the rose of youth." To preserve a p í genuinely fresh and yocthfnl appear. B ance, it is imperative that your a digestion nhould be active and á efficient. Nothing will make you ? ™ look sickly and fad?d sooner than B > theUabUity to &.y form of Indigest- ( ion, whether such arise from tbe 1 stomach, liver or bowels. J t ? r? TE?f' ? 'L? N ? F f? ? ?W EECI1AMbJ )! & ? va -? ]&v ? ? ?s? ? <%f ¡ PILLS i ? LLS | WIll satIsfactorIly o"n",orethe hu'Inon. 6 ious ?crkn?g .f the d!gesUve evs!em. t P They ?i). bring to the tired ? .'vfr-work?Q atomaph tone all" d ? v.K"nr; they U?ll prove to 7,?? -t t 'm?'btfstimu;aut to the Uvc: and f theii splendid aperient Qualities ?J) £ ? have a b?neticinl inlluence UK?n the H 0 w i.-i;; *o ti?t- bit)od-l-r,;rifyiDE Propt.rt?? of Mf.?ham's MUs the B ? c'??P'cxiou is soon wondertulJ' JP í improved and takes on all the d y irresistible charm of heaJth. If. B' j therefore, you desire to look JTOUEK > and feel young you may rest assureu « ? that in this respect Beevbam's fills B 5 Will He!pYc?. (;  J ixoces. l->. v;r.o/ t ♦ :4- <;