Abergavenny Chronicle

JA.LL RIGHTS RESERVED. ] PENSION PROBLEMS: I HOW TO SOLVE THEM. I By AN EXPERT, J lIelp for Soldier Apprentices—The Sad Problem of the 11 Missing "-Alloik-4nce for Special Diet—Demobilisation Points— Hints About the Out-ef-Werk Donation. FREE ADVICE TO OUR READERS, t The Government lias prepared a scheme for assisting young soldiers wnose apprenticeship was interrupted by service to complete their unexpired apprenticeship agreements. Nego- tiations with industrial councils and committees and trade union representatives are being ear- ried on for the purpose of finally fixing the terms. Among other matters; the scheme pro- vides for a redaction of <the unexpired period of apprenticeship; for &. State grant to the apprentice of one-sixth ~«jhe .journeyman s rate as soon as the apprentice has reached the age when, but for tue war, his apprenticeship would-have beesi .completed for such contribu- tions on the part of employers as will, with tiie -Stated allowance, make up the apprentice's wages" to not less than three-quarters of the 0 journeyman's rate for the first year of train- ing, and to not kdtj than five-sixths for the second vear.. The scheme will also provide for a maintenance allowance under certain con- ditions, to allow cf training in a technical school or institution. This is a really business- like effort to repair some of the ravages of the war iia the educational field, and it is of as much importance to the State as to the individual,, for the struggles of the future will be in the realms 'úf'technical endeayour. «0 It is Rot as widely known as it should be that in eases whcnr r!;he treatment of discharged disabled men would be .improved by special diet, they are entitled to an allowance for that purpose. When ordered by the Medical Referee, special diet can be authorised by the Local War Pensions Committee at a cost not exceeding IOs. a week. If a diet costing more than that «um is needed, the sanction of the Superintending inspector is necessary. This provision, of course, applies to sufferers from tuberculosis, but it cannot be given in respect of "non-attributable" -cases-that ie, when the disability or d-iseaae from which a man suffers has been held to be not attributable to his military service. One of the maddest "aspects of the war 18 the number of men posted as missing—approxi- mately 64,000.. It requires little imagination to realise what this means to the relatives, for while there is the slenderest thread of hope to hold to. it is in human nature to grasp it, in spite* of all that reason may say to the contrary. But the .fact has to be confronted- as Mr. Winston Churchill pointed out in the House of Commons the other day-that these men have fallen on the field of battle without their fate becoming known to either side. Such information* as it is .possible to glean tiay be ascertained from the evidence furnished by their surviving comrades, and by a search of the si. The Red Cross Society examined the wounded ia ltospitaldunng the war. Re- leased prisoners are now being examined. The Secretary of State for War also told the House that the" battlefields ha.ve always been parched as far as possible. A systematic e.-ar^h w being undertaken by the units of the Director- General of Graves Registration and Inquiries now that the whole area is open. Much in- formation has been obtained by these methods, though not all of it is .conclusive. The num- ber of missing cited Above is only an approxi- mate figure. As evidence of death is received, or death is presumed on lapse of time, or in the absence of news, the number tends to diminish, but no great .change has so far taken place. # What happens, I have been asked, if a dis- abled man is demobilised? He receives Army pay for twenty-eight days, and during that time, if he is iu need of medical treatment, he is entitled to receive it in a military hospital, and the Local War Pensions Committee should assist him to obtain it. After the expiration of twenty-eight days the disabled man can apply to the Committee to be examined by a medical referee. Treatment is given, if neces- sary, upon the medical referee's report, and advances can be made pending the settlement of the pension. The specific injuries upon which pensions may be granted are set out in a carefully de- vised table, ranging from very serious dis- ablements—which are always assessed at 100 » per cent.—down to such minor disablements as the loss of a thumb (30 per cent.), and the loss of two finger6 of either hand !20 per cent.). It is a cleverly-worked-out schedule, which covers all but the exceptional cases, which are treated- separately. There is no secret about it, for the table is printed in the literature which has been circulated among the men. If a man is so completely disabled that he always requires someone to look after him, he is given an allowance up to 20s. a week to pay.for this. An invalided officer in receipt of retired pay at the maximum rate for his rank, whose disablement renders it necessary that he should have a person constantly in attendance on him, may be given an additional allowance ranging, according to circumstances, from £ 39 to .£78 a year. This is intended to meet such cases as paralysis, and does not apply to oases where temporary nursing is necessary as an incident of medical treatment. It should be noted that all soldiers, sailors, and airmen below commissioned rank who have given actual service during the present war, are entitled to an "Out-of-Work Donation Policy (II.M. Forces)." Discharged or de- mobilised. men, including disabled men, can ob- tain this policy on application to the local Em- ployment Exchange. Disabled men in receipt of pension are entitled, if capable of work and unable to obtain suitable employment, to re- ceive Out-of-W ork Donation in full. At the same time, it must be borne in mind that Out-of-Work Donation is not payable concur- rently with the allowances in the following cases: (a) Discharged men who are receiving treatment (or awaiting admission to a hospital for the purpose of treatment) and are being paid the full disablement allowances, in lieu of pension, on the basis of a medical certificate that they are incapable of work; (b) disabled men undergoing a course of training and in re-. ceipt of allowances, such men being deemed to be, for the purpose of Out-of-Work Donation, in employment. ANSWER TO CORRESPONDENT. I A. B. H. (Clifton).—You should have heard from the paymaster by this time. If tills is net the case, report again, and I will see what can be done. Our Pensions Expert is anxious to assist tailors and soldiers and their wives and de- pendants in dealing with intricacies of the War Pensions System. Address your queries to "Pensions Expert," c/o Editor of this paper. All essential facts should be stated as briefly as .possible, such as name, number, rank; regiment of soldier, name and rating of sailor, particulars of families and separation allowance, and (in inquiries concerning civil liabilities) pre-waif or pre-enlistnient income, present or war in- tome, and full liabilities. Do not send any documents, birth certificates, or discharge papers, etc.

Mr. Alexander McMuUen has been ap-I pointed Adviser on Education at the Admu- '? alty.

KING DECORATES V.C.'S. I The King held an Investiture at Bucking- ham Palacc on Saturday, vuA in the pre- tence of a large number of spectators bL,- stowed over 300 decorations. Of six V.C.'s, only four could be 3-warded personally. The winners of the other two had paid with their lives for their bravesrv, and the crosses were bestowed upon their next-of-kin. Those who attended were-- Captain Cyril Frisby, Coldstream Guarcta. — Made a most gallant attack on a strong machine-gun post during the forcing (iJÍ the Canal du Nord. He captured the pest under intense point-blaiik fire, securing tW10 ffla. chine-guns and twelve prisoners. Though wounded in the leg, be remained at duty until his ta-sk was accomplished. Sergeant Lauren ee Calvert, King's Owe Yorkshire Lig&t lilfaiitry.dpde a plucky' attack "upoa a machine-gun team, iaa ti«i course of which he personally bayoneted of the enemy. Sergeant Herman Good, 13th Battalion, Quebec Regiment.—Killed several members of a garrison and captured the -remainder. He made .a mcst, daring amzl sucet-ssfill attack upon -a -battetyof 5.9in. gums which were .le. ;aotion Against us. Sergvant illiai-i Johnson, Sherwood F^rcest-prs.—Captured two "macMms'gnns, and, though severely wounded by 'a bomb, continued gallantly to lead his 'turn. (On a seco-r-d occasion 'he advanced with wonderful courage, bombed a gun team, and put guns out. 4 action, capturing the teams. Mr. and Mrs. Jackson receivea 'the Vic- toria Croes awarded to their late -on. Lance- Corporal Thomas J-,ick-on, Coldstream Guards, who helped Captain Frisby in the exploit recorded above, but was unfortu- nately killed in -sn doing. Mr. and Mrs. Holmes received the Vie- tori a 'Cross won by their son, itbela'te Private "William Holmes, G-renadnrr Guards, v,-b;D srved several wounded (comrades even after he had himself been wounded. 'He was still engaged in his rescue work Vrhcn he was ifartally shot.

CHELSEA TRAGEDY. t A (Chelsea tragedy, in whieh :11. mother ■and child wcr<; found dead, suffocated by coal- ga6, was inquired into on Saturday, and a verdiat was returned that the mother mur- dered 'the child and committed 'suicide whilst temporarily insane. The woman's name war, given by one wit- cess as Phyllie Cecil, by jjmother witness as Cert rude Lee Ponsford, and a servant said eho "knew her :as Mrs. Andrews. Mr. Claud Andrews, a retired solicitor, said he had lived with the woman until .June last, when they bCpii rated. She was a single woman and | used to write stories. She was very excit- able and todk sleeping drugs, but under mæal advice. Warbneas said the woman left him while tber were in .an hotel at Taunton. He had purchased the leiise of the hause she was oc- cupying, and 'waa paying all -the outgoings. He tried to make arrangements for her maintenance, And this involved the sale of the haitse, the proceeds to fee devoted to her and the child; but she would not accept hie offer, aaul two or three weeks ago he -in- structed Ms solicitors to issue a. writ to re- cover jposfiesaiosa of the house. A constable described finding the woman and ekild lying dead in the kitchen. The woman had her head in the oven. Seven !as taps were turned on. On a piece of paper was writtent "We have nowhere -to go. They have come to take possession."

GUILT FOR THE WAR. I On Saturday the Press Bureau issued the following official communique:— Paris, Saturday. The Commiesion on the Responsibility of the Authors of the War held this morning, at the Ministry of the Interior- its last sit- ting. After the adoption of the minutes the Commission decided that the general re- port, after having had such alterations of pure form made in it as were Accessary, be transmitted to the Conference under the complete control of which it will hencefor- ward be. Before the labours of the Commission con- cluded, Sir Ernest Pollock expressed the thanks of the Commission to Mr. Lansing for the excellent and liberal spirit in which he had presided over the discussions. By the' unanimous assent of the Commis- I sion thanks were also tendered to the vice- president, Sir Ernest Pollock; the Right Hon. Sir Gordon He-wart; the Right Hon, W. F. Massey (British Empire); and the see- retaries of the Commission, to whose unre- mitting efforts was due the fact that this Commission had been the first to complete its duties. ■ i 'g t!f..

MEAT RATIONING TILL JUNE 30. I Assuming that supplies are sufficient, the Food Controller announces that meat rationing will end on June 30. The price of bacon is considerably reduced under the new scale, which came into operation on Monday. The Bacon Order provides maximum wholesale prices for home-produced (includ- ing Irish) bacon and hams, and maximum retail prices for all bacon and hams (both importrxl and homt-produced). Retail prices are as follows :— Per lb. s d. I Pale dried or smoked, not to exceed 2 4 Other than pale dried or smoked, not to exceed 2 2! Ayishire rolls Smoked bacon (skin off) 6 On sales of bacon by retail in excess of I 281b. in one week, to one person, ld. less I than the foregoing prices.

LINER'S S.O.S." CALL. | The Ley land liner Parisian, bound from Boston to Hull, has been towed into Fal- month in a disabled condition. When several miles off the Scilly Isles she encountered heavy weather, and broke the tail end of her shaft. An S.O.S. was sent out, and the Fal- mouth tugs Triton and Dragon and two Government tugs were dispatched. The liner was found and safely brought to port.

SUSPICIOUS STRANGER. I On the ground that he had recently been in Germany and was regarded as a danger- ous person, Alexander Herman, twenty-two, was refused permission to land from a Swedish ship in London. He, however, landed with a borrowed pass- port, and for this offence he was sentenced, at Thames Police-court, to three months' hard labour, and recommended for expul- sion. ———— )

A British squadron, consisting of a cruiser and five destroyers, has. arrived at Chris- tiama. "Dust removal is not- work to which men bccome attached." said Aiderman Hartley at a meeting of St. Pancras Council. The death is announced of Sir Simon Mac- donald Lockhart. Ht, of Loecastle, Lanark. Ho served through the Egyptian campaign, was colonel of the 1st Lite Guards from 1802-98, and later brigadier-general of cavalry at the Curragh.

1. 1 I I OTHER MEN S MINDS. I I fear the war7rapidly h."mil\ 3] thing of memory.—Genera Sir John'"i Monash. NEVER AGAIN. I We have reached a time when no monarch will ever dare to sigji away the lives of millions of men.—Mr. J. R. Clynes, M.P. A DUTY OF GRATITUDE. I It would be a great pity to allow the opportunity of expressing our thanks to the I Colonial soldiers to slip by.—Lord Denman. THE HOME COMING. I The other day one of the greatest regi- ments in the British Army—the Gordon Highlanders—came home without receiving a* tingle word of welcome.—Major Evelyn Wrench. o. I Dust removal is not work to which men I become attached.—Alderman J. H. Harley. t WHERE WE SCORED. I The United Kingdom is the only icountry I in which rationing hats beeu a success.—Pro- fessor E. H. Starling. THE MILE-CAN. I The old British milk can should be abolished as an obsolete vessel and a great ,collector of dust.—Sir Kingsley Wood. THE TWO HOUSES. I I object to the intelligence of the House 1 oØf Commons being mixed up with the unin- telligence of the House of Lords.—Mr. Devlin. i OUR'MODERN NELSONS. I The work done by our fleet commanders !n ttlIis war was far greater and more respon- sible than in the Napoleonic wars by Nelson. f —Duke of Buccleuch. A TRIBUTE. I No one can look a British naval officer in the face and even suspect that he has card. up his sleeve.—Admiral Sims, U.S.N. 11 I QUITE CLEAR. I The more I see of cfttain members of this i House the more I understand their sym-, pathy with dogs.itr. Jack- Jones, M.P. A NOTABLE GIFT. I The Lord has withheld many gifts fiom me, but one gift He has given me—the gift <ÕÍ knowing when not to speak.—Mr. W. Brace, Miners* M.P. f OUT-OF-DATE. I The old methods of meeting unemploy- ment by stone-breaking, soup-kitchens, and doles will no longer satisfy the working- dagees.—Mr. Neil McLean, M.P. [ THE ABSENTEE. I I An absentee landlord is an absolute to the country.-Duke of AthoU. I THE YELLOW PERIL. I In a few years the whole of Asia will I equipped from an intellectual and scientific pOlnt of view, just as Germany was before I the war.—Bishop of Chelmsford. i THE C. O.S. I At this moment men are suffering for their principles in British prisons. Men whose, character I honour and in whose pre- sence I would uncover my head in homage are herded with common- criminals.—Dr: Jowe-tt. I THE COMING POWER. I The Labour Party will be in power in a I few years.—Lord Sheffield. DONE THEIR BIT. I Members of the advertising business have I played a very special part in the nation's I war c..rort.-Lord Leverhulme. 1. AN OBSTACLE TO TEMPERANCE. I Orhe home is "unfortunately sometimes an < obstacle to temperance; the Church is oftenI a broken reed.—Sir Alfred Davies. r GERMANY S PUNISHMENT. I G ermany must be punished in order that she may learn' reasonableness, but she must feel that she owes the possibility of her sal- vation to the change of Our own spirit.— Bishop of Oxford. TRADING ASSETS. 1 I regard a knowledge of languages as an important element in the struggle for re- gaining trade. I am glad, however, to think that in our trade with South America the word of an Englishman i's an important as- set that remains to -us.-Sir Maurice de Bunsen. TO SAVE THE COUNTRY. I As a practical pmple--if we dare to call ourselves by that title any longer-we should, instead of taking up a whole lot of random schemes of reconstruction, first re- mind each other of the responsibilities of parents in the homes, so that tince again the, old English discipline might be revived. Unless this is done nothing can save the country.—Canon the Hon. E. Lyttelton. NO CURE. I I Although "New Zealand possesses the best I Labour legislation, yet strikes are more fre- quent there than in any other country.- Mr. F. M. B- Fisher. THE BARILM. r I believe that this conntry more than any other in the world siaads between the pre- sent system and something that would not be any better than a sy stem of wreckag. Sir .Robert .Horne, M.P. FIGHTING ANGELS. I On the wbole," looking back on the struggle, there is no doubt whatever that two produce a higher class of fighting beings, of fighting angels in the air than any iof the combatants whom were ccanpeOied to en- counter; we aio cijpaide of producing them in lazrger and of drawing them from mora widely different classes of our race than any other countiy.—Mr, Chur- clri1l

NO COAL STRIKE. MINERS' DELEGATES ACCEPT I GOVERNMENT OFFER. BALLOT TO BE TAKEN. The Miners' Federation Conference held in London on Wednesday to receive the report of the Executive Committee concerning the negotiations with Mr. Bonar Law and Sir Robert Home, the Labour Minister, decided to accept the Government's offer. The Conference accepted the advice of the Executive Committee to take a ballot vote of the Federation's members on the Govern- ment's offer, but to urge upon them the ad- visability of accepting it. The ballot is tc be taken on April 9 and 10, and the result of the voting is to be in the hands of the Secretary on April 14. The delegates met at the Central Hall, Westminster, Mr. R. Smillie presiding. Mr. Smillie made a speech, in which he Rtrongly deprecated extreme measures. He laid emphasis upon the risk of losing what the miners had already gained, and the prospects of further gains if the Coal Com- mission continued its inquiry. At the conclusion of the conference the following official statement was issued:— "There were present 161 delegates and 19 hembers of the Executive Committee and tifficials. making a total of 180. The chair- tnan fully reported on the two interviews that the Executive Committee had had with Mr. Bonar Law and Sir Robert Home re- garding the offer made by the Government as based on Mr. Justice Sankey's report. He said that the Executive Committee had de- rided to advise the conference to take a ballot vote of the whole of the members of the Federation, and also to ask the c'onfer- ence to advise the members to vote in favour of accepting the terms offered. "After considerable discussion it was de- cided to take a ballot vote of the members, and also that the conference strongly urged the members to vote in favour of the accept- ance of the terms offered by the Govern- ment. "It was further decided that the men be urged to continue at work on day to day contracts, pending a further conference to be convened by the officials after the ballot is taken." PROTEST AGAINST "CONSCRIPTION" BILL. At the conclusion of the ordinary business, the question of the new Conscription Bill was raised, and the following resolution was passed unanimously and with applause:— "That this conference calls upon the Go- vernment immediately to withdraw all British troops from Russia, and to take the necessary steps to induce the Allied Powers to do likewise. "We further most emphatically protest vgainst the attempt of the Government to listen conscription on this country by means of the Bill now before Parliament, described as the Naval, Military, and Air Force Ser- vices Bill, and calls upon the Government immediately to withdraw this Bill, or, alter- natively, this conference purposes to take such steps in conjunction with the organised Labour movement, both political and indus- trial, as will compel its withdrawal."

i WORKERS' CHARTER. [ NATIONAL 48 HOURS' WEEK I RECOMMENDED. When the Industrial Conference meets on April 4 it will receive important recom- mendations from the Joint Committee which was appointed tc report on the ques- tion of industrial unrest and conditions of labour generally. Among the proposals made by the Joint Committee are the following: Legal maximum working week of 4S hours. Legal minimum time-rates of wages fol all. Trade conferences to consider war ad- vances and bonuses. r Recognition of masters' and workers' organisations to conduct all negotiations. Measures to prevent unemployment- organised short time; speeding up of house bi,d,n, State development of new indus- tries. Higher out-of-work pay, and increased sickness benefits and old age pensions. The establishment of a permanent National Industrial Council of 400 members (200 elected by employers' organisations and 200 by trade unions) to advise the Gov- ernment is also proposed. The report is unanimous, and is signed by the independent cha.irman, Sir Thomas Munro, Sir Allan Smith, as chairman of the employers' representatives, and Mr. Arthur Henderson, chairman of the trade -union representatives. An assurance is to be obtained from the Government that if the report is adopted by the Industrial Conference the Government will be pre- pared to give effect to it immediately. The Joint Committee expresses the opinion that the basis of negotiation be- tween employers and workpeople should be full and frank acceptance of employers' organisations and trade unions as the recog- nised organisations to speak and act on be- .half of their members. Members should accept the jurisdiction of their respective organisations. Employers' organisations and trade unions should enter into negotia- tions for the establishment of machinery, or the revision of existing machinery, foi the avoidance of disputes, with provision for a representative method of negotiation in questions in which the same class of em- -ployers or workpeople are represented by more than one -organisation respectively, -and for the protectipn of employers' inter- ests where members of trade unions of workpeople are engaged in positions of trust or confidentiality, provided the right of such employees to join or remain mem- bers of any trade union is not thereby affected. With regard to the unemployment ques- tion, the Joint Committee recommends that normal provision for maintenance during unemployment should be more ade- quate and of wider application, and should be extended to under-employment; that un- employed persons, and particularly young persons, should have free opportunities of. their education; and that sick- ness and infirmity benefits and old age pen- sions require immediate investigation with a view to more generous provisions being made.

The War Office is offering to lend horses to local authorities for C7 10s. a year. Sir Helenus Robertson, chairman. Mer- cev Docks and Harbour Board, died on Saturday, aged seventy-eight. It has been decided to sow a thousand acres with cotton in Fifeshire this season. King's College, Cambridge, has con- ferred a.- fellowship upon Major Hamilton McCombie, R.E., of Aberdeen University, who is controller of chemical factories in Occupied Germany. Colonel A. H. Vaughan, seventy-nine, late Devonshire Regiment, who has died at Cheltenham, received his commission in 1860 in fulfilment of a promise made to him as a boy by the Duke of Wellington.

| RAILWAY CRISIS OVER. I GOVERNMENT'S OFFER ACCEPTED BY I DELEGATES. The railway crisis is over After an all- day sitting of the delegate conference of railwaymen at Unity House, Mr. J. H. Thomas, M.P., announced that the Govern- ment's offer had been accepted. He also issued the following statement: "The verdict has just been arrived at. The delegates, by a majority, have decided to accept the settlement subject to satisfac- tion on the points outstanding, and have therefore rescinded their resolution to strike "The public have v€^y little notion how near the whole thing has been, and all I can say is that I hope the railwaymen will accept the decision of their own elected dele- gates and recognise that it would be sheer madness for them by any sectional or spas- modic strikes to try to alter the. position." The terms which the conference accepted arc briefly as follows: A standard week of 4S hours. Overtime at the rate of time and a quarter. Time and a half for Sunday duty. Time and a quarter for ordinary night duty. Time and a half for overtime, night duty. A week's holiday after twelve months' service. The appointment of a joint committee of the Railway Executive Committee and the men's unions to deal- with questions of wages and conditions pending any change in the administration of the railways. Present rates of wages to be stabilised to the end of the present year, and any reduc- tion in the war wage to be waived.

I THE SOLDIER IN SCHOOL. i A soldier named Frank Smith, attached to the A.S.C., was fined 40s., at Trow- bridge for a remarkable interference with the instruction and discipline at the paro- chial boys' school, and for assaulting the headmaster, Mr. Hosking. Smith, who has returned to France, was stated to have entered the school one day, and, finding his brother, a scholar, standing on a stool, ordered him to get down. He created a disturbance, and told the master he had killed many Germans and would do the same to him. He then swept the books off the desks and told the boys to go for a holiday. The chairman said the fine might be reo covered through the military authorities.

I POST OFFICE PROFITS. The Post Office, according to the Accoun- tant-General's report, had the highest twelve months profit on record during the year 1917-18, the sum on the credit side being < £ 6,848,285. The telephone service had a credit balance of < £ 355,468, but the tele- graphs showed a loss of < £ 556,330. The net balance, therefore, to the credit of the Post Office was < £ 6,647,423. The net profits on the total services tor the previous five years were:—1912-13, £ 4,681,321; 1913-14, t5,200,132; 1914-15, £ 3,544,254; 1915-16, < £ 5,366,424; 1916-17, £ 6,191,501.

I MORE PAY FOR FARM WORKERS. At a special meeting of the Agricultural Wages Board it was agreed that farm workers are to have an increase of 6s. 6d. a week all round, and that the hours of work are to be reduced from fifty-four to fifty hours a week in the summer time, the winter forty-eight hours week to come into operation on October 1 instead of a month later, as formerly. The increased wages are to be paid at once. For some months past the men have been demanding .£1 a week more. I

I BABY BLOWN INTO RESERVOIR. j During a violent gale at Sheffield a peram- bulator containing a baby was blown by the wind into the deep water of the High Hazels Dam, and the child was drowned. The baby, which was only six months old, was being wheeled along the side of the dam by its mother, when a violent and prolonged gust lifted it bodily from the ground and hurled it into the water. The mother made frantic but unsuccessful efforts to rescue the child.

STANDARD SHIPS. Colonel Leslie Wilson, Parliamentary Secretary to the Shipping Ministry, stated in the House of Commons that 205 standard ships have been delivered. Of these, 146 aro operating under charter; the other fifty-nine have been sold to private (jwner. Tfiere are 283 standard ships in course of construction.

£ 100 was awarded in the City of London Court, to the mother of William New, a seaman on board the Galway Castle, which was torpedoed by enemy action, as compen- sation for his death. Sir George Newman and Mr. Philip Snow- den have resigned their membership of the Central Control Board (Liquor Traffic), and Colonel W. Thorne, M.P., and Mr. H. H. Dale have been appointed members. When the St. Pancras Food Committee complained that the selling of margarine at lOd. or less a' pound caused hardship to small shopkeepers, the Food Ministry re- plied that the reduction in price to the con- sumers was more important. "I haven't seen such a sight. for years," said Mr. Ingleby Oddie, the Westminster coroner, when he was shown a box contain- ing thirty-eight severeigns, found in the rom of Heinrich Efayn, eighty-one, who died in SQuo- —- — t

FUN AND FANCY. i Bilton: "Have you any close friends Wlla have money?" Tilton: "All my friends whc have money are close." "Sep here, Annie, don't you ever evveep under 'his bed?" "I always do, mum. 60 ihuch easier than using a dustpan/' "He has a heart of gold, a grip of iroll, and a will of steel." "Humph! He must be a man of metal. Employer: "What do you mean by taking a day off? I only gave you a half holiday?^ Office Boy: "Because you told me I should never do things by halves, sir." Nell: "What would you give to have such hair as mine?" Belle: "I don't know-what- did you give?" She: "Someone has said that kisses are love's language." He: "That so? Let'# talk." "Before I propose, Miss Plainer, I must know if you have anything in the bank?" "Yes, Mr. Hunter. I have a sweetheart there; he's the manager. We are to be mar- ried next month." Flush: "What about the rent of a place like this? I suppose the landlord asks a lot for it?" Blush: "Yes, rather. He's always- asking for it." Fat Suitor (calling on his girl): "I wonder J/hat is the easiest way to remove super- fluous flesh" Girl (sleepy and rather bored): "Why pot try a taxi?" Daughter: "Going to bed, mother? Aren't you going to sit up and wait for dad?P Mother: "What's the use? I have such a cold I can hardly speak." "I see a soldier has had his jaw-bone patched up with a rib." "That isn't the first case where a rib was used to perfect a talking machine." A doctor called on a very cranky patient, and was 'surprised to find scarcely any im- provement from the previous day. "Why," said he, "what's the matter? Did you; follow my prescription?" "Not me," re- Lturned the patient, "for if I had I'd have broken my neck. I threw the blessed thing out of the window!" Patient: "Why does a small cavity seem so large to the tongue?" Dentist: "Just the natural tendency of the tongue to exagge- rate, I suppose." "What is the Tesult of sowing wild oats?** "Often a close crop in prison." The small boy walked into the surgery and, marching up to the doctor, whispered very confidentially, Please, sir, mother sent me to say as how our Lizzie's got scarlatina. awful bad, and she wants to know how much you'll give her to spread it all over the village?" Swagger: "I didn't marry beauty, my boy; I didn't marry wealth or position; I married for sympathy." Sweetley: "Well, you have mine." Four and a half-year-old Betty fell out of bed the other night. Her mother rushed upstairs to her and exclaimed, "Betty, did you fall out of bed?" "No," sleepily replied Betty as she crawled back, "I slipped off:he sheets." Mrs. Homespun: "This paper says a wife in Formosa costs five shillings." Mr. H.: "Well, a good wife is worth it." "You say you had your eyes open, with a good grip on the wheel, and your foot on the brake?" "Yes." "Then how on earth did the accident happen?" "Easy. I had to sneeze." "There are songs," said the musician, "that have never, never died. They go ringing down the ages." "That is true, sir," Brown replied. "For the past six months and upward I have heard my daughter try to kill two each evening, but they never, never die." "William," cried the astonished lady, "what on earth are you doing standing be- fore the mirror making those dreadful faces?" '"Well, my dear," replied her hus- band, "I ,tip to receive a presentation at our club meeting' to-night, and as I am not sup- posed to know anything about it, I'm prac- tising a look of intense surprise!" "I've noticed," said Anna, "that it is the big men who are the most demonstrative in their love-making." "Perhaps," remarked Alice; "but, after all, a girl should never judge a lover by his sighs." "Waiter, this coffee is nothing but thick liquid mud." "Yes, sir; certainly, sir. It was ground this morning!" Mrs. Bones: "I hear that young Mr. Sissy is still in search of a. wife." Mrs. Smith: "Why, I thought he was married!" Mrs. Bones: "So he was. She's left him. She's the one he's in search of." "John," she said to her husband, who was grumbling over his breakfast, "your love has grown cold." "No, it hasn't," he snapped, "but my breakfast has." "That's just it. If your love hadn't grown cold you wouldn't have noticed that your breakfast had." "Father, was writing done on tablets of stone in the old days?" "Yes, my son," replied the dutiful parent. "Then," said the boy, "it must have taken a orowbar to break the news." "Now Lieutenant Tompkins," said the general, "you have the battalion in quarter column, facing south—how would you get it into line, in the quickest possible way, facing north-east?" "Well, sir," said the lieutenant, after a moment's fruitless, con- sideration, "do you know, that's what I've often wondered." Colonel (to Orderly): "You blithering idiot! Instead of addressing this letter to The Intelligence Officer,' you've written Intelligent Officer.' There's no such per- son in the Army!" Bobby: "Sister will be down tin a few minutes, Mr. Softly; she's upstairs rehear- sing." Mr. Softly: "What is she rehearsing, Bobby?" Bobby: "I don't know, but she's standing in front of the mirror and blush- ing, and saying, Oh, Augustus, this is so sudden.' ¡ "My boy," said the millionaire, lecturing r his son on the importance of economy, I "when I was your age I carried water for a gang of bricklayers." "I'm proud of you, father," answered his offspring; "if it [ hadn't been for your pluck and perseverance I might have had to do something of that sort myself."