Welsh Newspapers
Search 15 million Welsh newspaper articles
8 articles on this Page
OUR SHORT STORY. :1
OUR SHORT STORY. 1 THE DANGER LINE. I ? < By FRANK H. SHAW. j A certain case of some Siting notoriety startm a diBcussion in SheIIdykc's dugout, and he found something to say that was worth list<'niiig to. TiMre is nothing of the oracle about SheHdyke, but he certainly se<ms to keep his eyen wide open and his powers of observation always on the alert. You might say it is all rot about being able to hold converse with the spirita of the departed," he said, "but I'm net so sure .about it. And I certainly don't fee! in- <:Iiued to scoff In the way some of you chapa do. It's Tisu.al!y the most ignorant man who ia the most sceptical, anyhow. Men don't like to think of Rpirit pge..ce8 being around then. because to think they arc causes a chiMy feeling of discomfort, and makes the heart beat a little fatiter than normal; and we love to le&d an untram- jmellcd life, act thinkim- too much." Curtis. who was nineteen, and had an opinion on every sublet, from the duration of the war to the ndelity of women, had the grace to nnsh and settle back out of the littte ring of light thrown by the guttering candle. He had stated boldly that spiritu- tH.sm was all bally rot. When I was quite a youngster—ten years fid or thereabouts—my p&ter, who had quaint ideas, decided thnt it was tim-o I was removed from the sapping inSuenoe of petti- coat government," ;i}d :hlè:vk, "He ha<d been brought up for his own part by nurses and gov-arne&ses and adoring aunts and that sort of thing, and he admitted to mo in after l:fe that one couid have too much of a pood thing. A man who spends mast of his time amoMgst women becomes rather an ob- jectionable sort of person—he domineers, he gets into the habit of laying down the law too strongly. "But as I WM only ten years old, it waa necessary that soiucnnc should look after me, and so 1 was handed over, lock, stock and 'barrel, to the son cf our old gamekeeper—a lad of abc.nt eigbtc-cn. Grant Lintom his name was. He became my companion in everything; be took me to school in the trap in t,hc moraiHg; he brought me back in the afternoon He put me to bed and got me up—did everything that a nurse would do. And some fine adventures we had together. I assure '?f'u. He wa-s a bom poacher, and he cculd d8 most things fairly well—swim and shoot and ride. He knew every bird by itg note. and could imitate most of then ;o faultlessly that I've seen him brmg a thrust dcwn off it" branch almond to his hand. The ways of foYM &nd weasels and the wild animals of the countryside were an open book to him. Ay, oe was a sound teacher for a youngster. He taught me almost everything he knew—as much as ho could =,e. Fine adventures we used to have together. We would scour the whole countryside f"r excitement; we would lie fut o' nightn till God knows what hour, doing the quaintest things. "Lord! I think I can fee him now, a Tough haired, rough spceched, untidy country lad. with a round, honest faco and big, red, cunBing hn-nds, his blue eyes always smHiag. It waa b<-althy companion- -ship for m". I tell you. We lived for the jcost part like young animals; and no ad- venture was teo preposterous for him to bear a hand, so loug aa Uie da-nger to me wasn't too great. For himself, he was utterly fearless; but he had promised in his solemn. steadfast way that No harm should come to me whilst I was under his care, and right well be kept tha.t promise. He faked up treasure hunts, with a bit of old parckment fomid in the stump of a holhw tree for a clue, and we'd hunt here aud hunt th-are, and find new clues, until we discovered the tre.Mure—probably one of his mother's wonderful home-made cakes or a peun'orth of bull's-eyes. I could tell you a tot about those d&ys, but you'd only be bored stiff. "When I went to school he was relieved of his responsibility, but it was always au understood thing that x.s soon aa I returned homa for the holidays he was immediately available. He used to meet me Rt the ,station, aad to ece bis decent face light up at igkt of me was good for the eyes. And even when I get into the Sixth I sort of looked up to him with respect and that sort of thing, evcB though I thought myself no end of a blood. Other friendships inter- vened, aa wa< only natural. I learnt that the little world of my paper's place wasn't all existence, but always I felt somehow that Grant wae a man to be obeyed. It was the same feeling, I suppose, that a man has for his schoolmaster—although they might meet after many ye",n;: a suggestion of awe and almost fear. "He was oHciaHT en under-keeper, but tvheu I was about he was everything I re- quired him to be. Ho groomed mv pony, later he cleaned my gun. Aud as I grew < older he preach&d to me of the wiles of the outer world, prt-ached vert seriousfy. although ha'd hardly ever been ten miles awav from the old pl.t3C. One doesn't say muh ".bout thf-e things, but if it hadn't been for his advice I might have como a good many more croppers than I have done. I used to chafe on the bit at times, and tell him that h.a was an eld woman, and resent his sert of nun'ig- f)f me; but I find now th. t he was invariably right. Well, thQ war came a!ong, and I had to join up. I'd played at soldiering before. bp(,cial Reserve work, which was fair tiain- iug, but which didn't sc-em like the real tjimg'. Gn.nt enlisted the day that 1 d"ned the kh?hi iato my own battnUon. Ho wanted to be my servant, but I wouldn't hear of that. He was too good a man for that sort of job—good enough to make a good N.C.O. out of. He rather kept my actual batman up to his work, though, êYe1 after he was made coiporai, and the rest of the fellows uaed to laugh at me and my pet* dog, as th<-y called him. We ca.m-9 out here. and went through the usual hellish time. During that appalling up-country journey I was the best-iookcd- atter :11'1 i th 't'ain-th:1nb to Grant. If the .train stopped for a minute anywhere he wa., tiicrf hanging on the handle ot the com- 13,urtine.it door. wanting to know if I wanted anything. Hot tea waa forthcoming at the most unexpected times, and when we stopped for half an !(,ur there was always hot water for me to wash in and clean boots to don. "When it came to the actual nghting, I bies-?jd Uraat's najuc moie times than I can teli. AH that he had ever taught me caii-e in so amazingly useful. The same steady concentration on a bird's daily habits lielpcd me to concentrate on the habits of the Bochc sniper, which arc unpleasant. He and I used to go out B<x'hc statkiag o* uights, ",de! si):lrated, but in constant by little sounds that couldn't be œstiagu'iahed "by untutord ears from the ordinal'Y 8CHlIld:i of the night, and he would iire to draw lire, nnd I would are at the enemy's flash. We got rather a good bag one v/ay or another. "It catf;? about that I was temporarily shifted to another company—B. Its com- mander ha<I gone down with a dose of trench fever, but M was expected back quite soon. and my transfer was n-.erely temporary. I heard thr.t Grant wa.s very miserable during tny absence from my own company. Of cours- he vi-as in C Company; he'd insisted on that, aud probably bought the sergeant either body and soul to get thero. He us<-d to look mo tU1 on every possible occasion, and inquire ""fter my v/eH-being and bring <nc various dainties that he'd managed tu procure—a snared snipe or a hare, perhaps; I eaid he wns a born po:teher. "Our battalion was ordered to attack. It t wasn't a big show—?ust a little raid, to straighten "llt a small salient. We got it rather heavily going across, and we didn't Someone had blue. s.-r-ure our ob j ective. '?I dered somewhere. When tho roll was called Grant was missing. I made a !o)< of in- quiries, but no cue Wa6 able to tell me any- thing. He had been seen here, and he had n seen there, and ail admitted that he had done good work. I felt his loss very keenly, as you might expect, but I tried to cheer myself up with the hope that he had been taken prisoner. "The Boche gave us a. hcJl of a time after that attack, and got our dander up badly. We were all blazing for reprisals, and after a while I got permi&,ion to try a stunt that I'd been puzzling over for pomct time. I had scouted around a good bit, a.nd I'd come to the conclusion that the enemy didn't hold his front-line trenches at all strongly, relying on the caretaker and 'his wife to give warning of an impending attack. Anyhow, we always went in for the stereotyped artil- lery preparation before pushing forward, and that gave him suflicicmt warning. "My idea was to take a party forward b) night and penetrate the front-line trenches, destroy such machine-gun emplacememta as wo c:uld find, Ba.g a few prisoners, and, if possible, try to get through to the second line. It wasn't a big scheme--iiiit to put tho wind up brother Bcohe, and keep him annoyed, because in our sector we didn't go in for the you-Ieave-me-aIone-a-nd-ITl-kave- vou-alono kind of warfare. "I made a preliminary reconnaissance the mo-ht we were due to start, because I thought it might help, and one man isn't so valuable as nfty. That preliminary business is right, I contend, because any little thing might happ-cn to crab a shew if the man in charge of it hasn't satisfied himself as to the precise position in front of him. "I saw enough, or felt enough, rather, to satisfy me that everything was O.K. I even tumbled upon a breach in their wire, which would lot us through most hand- somely. I was no end bucked abotut that. as you might suppose. Thero'd been a bit of desultory artillery fire that afternoon, and we'd seed not a few of our eighteen- pounder ohaps drop on the Bcche parapet: but the giddy Teuton bird hadn't tumbled to it that his wire was cut, and that was beer for ua. "Everything promised to pan out aa we'd hoped, perhaps better. I went back and got mv gang together, and out wo started, each man carrying as mny bombs as he cQ.u)d dispo&p of. We'd got it all cut nnd dried: I'd explained to each man exactly what he was expected to d. and what he would do if h,, didn't do as he was expected —you know? Plans in our lines don't always work out correct to the last decimal in their lines, eh? "I led the way, as was expected of me. and the rest followed. I intended to takc them through that gap in the wire, and I reckoned we'd ha in their trench in no time. It was all going to be just a pleasant even ing sprint, and we should all be back in tirii,, for a late supper. "They sent up a batch of Vcrey lights just as wo reached the wire, and we cowered low among tho slell-holes and dahlia until they should have died cut. I was just at the entrance of the gap. a little way up it. in fact. with my head pressed very elope tr. Mother Earth, and my bndy all shrinking and goose-neshy, when I distinctly heard a voice sav Don't'ee. Maister Eric. don t'cc. There be ter"ol,) trouble ahead o' thee if 'ee go too far.' "They were spoken in Grant's voice, with his very accent. I looked round, expccth'g to see him. so real was the Impression of his presence that was conveyed to me. But on'.v Clive, my sub., waa 'there. I called- it hallucination, because I'd been thinking a lot of Grant iu my spare ti'np. One thinks very c'uickly at such times, as you all know. Mybrain was over-excited and playing me tracks, I decided. So I waited till the Vercy lights died out, a,d then I crept on. Another light went up, and I snuggled down ag nat as a wafer. T heard the voice again Don't'ee. Maister Eric, don't'ce.' It was exactly as he'd said it when I'd been riding mv p'?ny at a fence that was full of con- c?)!cd wire. And I got cold all over. I can't quite give you the impression that was conveyed to me. I wasn't unduly superstitious in those days. but the sensa- tion of Grant's actual presence was; ao marked that I again looked about for Rim. Nothing of him, of course. So I moved on again, and this time tho voice ca.mc even more insistently. It s-eemcd to be actually a solid thing, forcing me back. And—I couldn't help but obey. That sort of awed fear which I told you of was possessing me. I seemed to forget'that I was a grown man leadin? a desperate expedition; it was as though I was a boy again. But I went for- ward a bit more. ::ud then a bit more, and each time tho voiea spoke distinctly, warn- ing' m0. CHTC, at my right rear, was growing impatient:. 'Go on. :nan lie said. What arc w.' '.vniting forF' It seemed a silly thing to do. but I turned and got my mouth close to his car. I've been warned not to go any farther this v.?y,' I said. We'll try another road. Get the men together and tell them.' "He laughed rather nastily. "'Who's warned you?' be asked. I couldn't very well ssy, could I? But I was just searching about for some sort of reason- able explanation wher his impatience got the better of him. and bp nipped past me and on through the gap. I was all for fol- lowing him when—the voice came again, terribly Insistent. More than the voice—I coil, feel a hand thrusting me back. And th<'u—it all happened very quickly—there was a blinding M'-h and a thunderous roar, and the whole world before me went up in fire. It scented to me, although I was half- stunned by the explosion, that I had heard the swift tinkling of a little electric bell immediately before the mine was blown. "A shower of earth and sandbags and re- fuse generally came r3.iuing down on us where we crouched, atld the enemy machine- guns began tb get busy. SoiMethmg' weighty thudded into the earth beside me, and as I instinctively reached out my hand I felt a tin hat lyuig there. As a souvenir of a unique experience, I decided to bag it, and stun- it to my belt. Then we carried out the raid on the alternative plan, and it was a success. "Clive was never seen again; he'd been destroyed utterly. But when we got back, when I was cleaning up I came across the tiu hat. It v/as battered and dented and there was much clay on it; but even so it was possible to read if name written with in- delible pencil in the lining. "The name was Grant Linton, Coriioral, with the correct regimental number. I don't know what had boon his fate. Blown to pieces by a shell, probably. But-well, dou't you think I've talked enough? After all, you can dr:.w your own conclusions, being inteIHs'ent men."
OR,IGIN OF HANDSHAKING.I
OR,IGIN OF HANDSHAKING. I You may have wondered often when and "7h<?ro the custom of shaking' hand" origi- nat€<l. Like many other practices,, it originated iri mi!ita.ry circles. In arly tinies when soldiers met, to convinca' one D.nother that no harm was intended and that they held no weapon.s, they extended a.n<t gra:.pOO each other'a hands
[No title]
rnr "ndi;J: bt'ttJ'ng circulars by post Matthew Nevin x.-ac3 hand 1-:23 at Cco.ncn, m'd at Drfutfo-.j. Chn'rks had to pay -£:0, -Ahi;e a corporal in tLo Anay Pay Corps w;);: n:ulotpd in JC5. TIM Rev. HoraM Mc.nTGc, :LA.. Vicar of Mortlako an<I Fa.st Shcci!, his ..cccptc<[ the living at Wi:!ibladou.. Mr. Richard Gro-c-r cc)n of the former f,.f The Cnit..d 1As ia th? MitriM Corps.
[No title]
Perennial Cornuower.—Centaurea mon' tana is a most valuable late spring and early summer newer in the border arid rock garden. To cut for vases many flower lovers grow thi,3 cornuower in the kitchen border. Growing about 11ft. high, the plants succeed in most soils, giving quanti- ti-"a of rich deep blue nowers. Now is the time to sow seeds on a bord-er outside. In- crease by division in early autumn. Auricula.—The cultivation of the auricula is a fascinating hobby from which a con. siderab number of amateurs derive much pleasure. Though the choicer show SOTtg in- variably nud a place in a greenhouse or frame, all are perfectly hardy and delight- ful for window Ix)x, rock garden, and border. As they have finished flowering, thia is a convenient time to mulch the plants with a little fresh Roil. Pick off the old nower-trusses not required for ee<'<L9. <t To Keep Violas in Bloom.—The con- tinuous blooming of violajs can only be assured by the regular removal of faded blooms. This work should be undertaken at least once a week; if it is neglected there will be a. finsh of bloom for a while, then practically none for the m-t of the ecason. It is good practice during dry weather to water the plastp occasionally through a "rosed'' can. After tho plants Lave been flowering' for six or eight weeks they begin to show signs of exhaustion, then cut back all growths quite close, and place among t I-, eI)Iants a prepared compost passed ti:i'ough a half-inch mesh sieve consisting of !oam two parts, leaf-mould or short manure one part, a little soot and sand. In a short while new growth will push up, and nower- ing be as prolific as before. Tuberous Begonia.—The young plants rai'-ed from seeds sown in January should be ready for the pots in which they are to newer during August and September. The i-iual pot the first sea-son is 5in. wide (48 shx'). Use a compost for potting made Up of three parts fibrous loam, one part leaf- mould, a little spent manure from a hot- bed or a sprinkling of bone-meal and soot, vrith sufficient coars.e sacd to make the soil porous. Morello Cherries.—In regulating the growths and securing the required number in position a good deal of work will be caused. Make sure that aphides do not obtain a hold of the trees, but wash early vith some insecticide u,,rn its first appear- unce. The work should be done while the chcrriea are green, or there will be dimculty in cleaning them when colouring has com- menced Strawberries.—Those plants which were planted from pots after forcing need special attention in regard to watering. They must not be neglected in this respect, or they wi!! carry no crop in autumn. Plants put out in spring will need water in dry weather, and must be kept free from wcsds. Do not allow the &ow<*ra to remain on these, and unless runners are required for planting they also should be removed. < t Cabbage Root Fly.—Attacks from this pest are ont so common as those of the various caterpillars, yet when it does appear it quickly destroys a. large number of plants un!esa means are taken to check it. The ny lays its eggs on the stems of newly planted or established plants close to the soil surface, often below it; maggots are hatched cut in twelve to fourteen days, and immediately enter the stem or ro-ot to feed, causing lumps to form, inside which the culprits lurk. The stems decay and the plants collapse. A sure Rigu of infestation M wilting of the foliage when the :.nn shiTtea. Lime in the soil i.s tlie finest preven- tive; lime water used at frequent intervals may save the crop. The u&f; of tarred feit di&cs at the base of the stem is aL-.o ad- visable. The Week's Work.—Previous to stirring the surface soil of the Rod<- beds to prevent the growth of weeds and keep the ground open, Hprinkie a little bone-meal and i,,oat between the p'ants. Thia will encourage free grov/th after the first crop of nov/er&. Dutzw, are among the best dwarf shrubs flowering in la.to May a-A during June in the front of the shrubbery border; gracilis is the nrst to open its m&;008 of white blo&;oill.1. Cut out the old growths when tue Sowers are past to encourag-e new shoots., A mulching of decayed manure may be given with advantage. W here there are young melons swelling they ought to be raised on iaverted pots. In this manner they will be 'brought to fbe light a.nd receive all tiM bencht possible from the sun. They will also dry quickly after v/atcring and syringeing. Keep the growth from becoming crowded by regular pinching' and thinning cut. make far too many shoots and thn'ning t-hould be done in good time. Lu:.vc' only aunieien-t young growths to cover the wires or other supports us'cd. Give water in dry weather. To tsecure extra large berries manure water may also be given, or failing this give an application of artinnia,! and wa.ter it into the soil. Gather the pods of broad beans as soon as the beans are of fair size. Backward plants may have the taps pinched out, and wherever possible apply plant food in either dry or liquid form. Seed of either varieties of beetroot. may still be sown. Give this vegetable a plot which has been deeply dug, and if the sell is light, scatter a few handfuls of com- mon salt over the surface previous to raking it down very finely. On dry soils, greenfly often puts in its appearance upon beds of carrots early in the Drcwiit month. Where thes«\ are seen. measures should be taken to destroy the per-t; if left alone, this will soon ruin a very promising bed. Early T'trnips.— Whero these arc now swelling their bulb;, keep the aoil con- stantly stirred with the hoe. If this is neg- Iccted* and the surface allowed to become hard, many of the most promising plants will throw newer stems, and thus become useless. Outdoor Tomatoes.—Pay strict attention to the removal of all superfluous growth, particularly that showing at the extremity of the earliest Hn'ci' tr. Keep the leader tied. or nailed to its support, and avoid over-watering. Rub out ail side shoots- t.no'-e in the lent --il- Trer.d the a<il down tirmiy if it La loose.
I FUN AND FANCY.
I FUN AND FANCY. Sergeant (one of the old echoo)): "It's th< war that's ruining the Army, sir—ua having to enlist all theae 'crc civilians." (customer: "What have you in the shape of oranges?" Storekeeper: "Well, madam, we have apples "Forgive me for asking, dear, but father f;ays you can't meet your creditors." "It is false, dearest. I meet them every day. "Bless you, dearie! I knew it wasn't true." Diner: "I say, waiter! Remove thia chees-s quickly." Waiter: "Isn't it all right, sir?" Diner: "Oh, quite all right, but it's eating my bread." Magistrate: "You are charged with beg- ging." Tramp: "I have never begged in my life. It is not my fault if a lady let fall a penny into tho hand which I was holding out to see whether it v.'as raining." Doctor: "After this you ought to sleep like a baby." P:itient (anxiously): "I hope you don't mean like my baby, doctor?" "My husband is a brute," said the< excit- ablo woman. "Have you been scolding him?" "Of course I have." "Ah, I suppose he talked back and used harsh Language." "Worse than that! He yawned!" Mro. Thomas: "I think this meat shortage Is making a iot of people bad: I know a lot of folk who have fainted through not having enough." "Oh, yes," replied her neighbour, "it's a new complaint that has broken out; they call it 'Meatless Daze. Edith had been to church for the 6rst time. "And what did vou think of it?" her mother. "I didn't like the organ very wel! "Why not?" "'Cause there waan't any monkey with it." Intimate Friend: "Didn't you feel terribly flustered when vou and Tom Ft,ood forward hefore the minister?" Bride: "Me? I never felt more self-possessed and—er—determined in all my life." Doctor: "This Is a sad caf<e, sir; very ead, indeed. I much regret to tell vmu that your wife's mind is gone—compietely gone." Peck: "I'm not a bit surprised. She's been giving me a, piece of it every day for the last fifteen, years." Tradesman (who has been at the telephone for a quarter of an hour) to his apprentice: "Here, Wihinm, take the receiver as long as my wife is talking to me. You don't ne<'d to make any reply; only when she aelcs, Are you still there, James? say, Yes, Amelia dear.' "Father." inquired a boy, "what are wrinkles?" "Fretwork, my son—fretwork," he replied confidently. The young man George had been hang- ing round for some time, a.nd amongst other tricing tokens had presented the daughter, of the house with a littto book giving the meaning of Christian names. She sa.t turning the pages afte-r he had gone. "WIHiam means good.' I see." she re- marked. "Jamea means bc!oved.' She blushed slightly. "I wonder what George menus?" "I sincerely trust," my dear." smd her father tartly, "that Georgo mea.na LutrÏnc63." At a birthday party a young lady began :t song: "The autumn days have come, ten thousand leaves are falling. She began too hgh. "Ten thou ousand—— she screamed, and then stopped. "Start her at fiv.r-, thous&nd!" cried a.n auctioneer who was present. "Bobby," inquired his mother, "did you wash your face before the music te&cher came?" "Yes, mother' "And your hands?" "Yes, mother. "And ycur ears?" "Wt'l}, mother," &a'd E&bby, judicially, "I washed the one that would bo next her." — ) Two postmen had fal!en otit, find tiuriug t the "argumejjt one of th<n ??aa ra.ther badly hurt. In duo course tha usual oincial f?rm waR issued by the local postmaster to the victor, asbjmg: "Is it a i.M.'t, as re- ported, I'ostjnuR So-aJKl-ao received hia in- ) juries at your hands?" Buck came tho [ reply: I regret to say the auswe-r is in the ii J irmsJ.y. Private Simple: "I've got a dandy idea— a ry..ic.iine-guii t.hat can .shoot a thousand rr-unds a minute." Corporal Brightguy: "What good wouid it As soon as the Germans captured one, they'd bui.id a miUiou like it." Private Simple: "No, they couldn't. I'd get it patented." "Do you know that I am ROon to bo en. gaged to Mr. Masher?" "Is th:.t so? Has he epoken to yo'r mother?" "No; but my mother has spoken to him." "I ju.st told you. Tommy, to stop thia noi-;e What do you moan?" "But this isn't the same noise, ma! I was beatin' the drum then, and now I'm blowin' the trumpet'" "Ah!" said the fatuous doctor to his patient, "you are much better thia morning, I &?< You foHowed my instructions religiously, I suppose, iH regard to taking the medicine "Y es," replk'd the patien t "that's why I'm so well now." "What do you mesit?" "The label said, Keep the bottle tightly corked,' and I did so!" "Who was that handsome woman I saw vou with in the Tube this morning? You deemed to be very much interested in her." "I couldn't help being interested in her. She was standing on my corn all the way." t "Can I ask you a friendly question?" "8uœ "Why don't you Hg:lg a ser- vant? Your wife is in feeble health." "That's just it. She has all she csn stand now. I don't want her to have any more worries." Mrs. Meek (savagely): "And what did you do when that thief of a butcher wanted to charge that price?" Mr. Meek: "I knocked him Gown." Mrs. M.: "Ah, that's my bold Percival." Mr. M.: "Yes, my dear. A ha'penny a pound." "What are you reading?" "A talc of buried tr-aiure." "Waiting your time on fiction?" "No. This is expert advice on how to plant potatoes." Sammy waa overheard saying to hia pet rabbit, "How much is seven timea seven?" There being no respond, he proceeded, How Much is four times four?" Still there I was no response. "Nov/ I will give you an cssy one. How much Is two times two-" Stit! the rabbit kept an obstinate silence. "We'll," said Sammy, "I knew teacher was I fibbing when be said that rabbits were the greatest multipliers in the world."
ICLUB W!NDOW.4-I . ---
I CLUB W!NDOW. I Sir Albert Stanley tcHa the following. H appeared that a man applied for a job on the headquarters staff of a certain railway. "What can you do?" asked the general manager. "Nothing," blurted forth the applicant. "That is to say I-——" "Humph!" said the Manager. "All those high-salaried positions have been done away with since the Government took us over." t <t Dr. J. II. Jowett, the famous preacher, tells the fOlJOWjlig amusing episode of his student days. It was during a lecture on Greek by an eminent professor, who, after a while, called upou one of Jowctt'a felh)w- studenta to read aloud a passage from a well-known Greek author. The young man obeyed, but had not proceeded far when he was pulled up sharp. "Stop!" cried the professor. "Stop, for goodness' sake. Your pronunciation is terrible. How did you get such an accent? Where do you come from?" In an accent almost a-s foreign to English aa the language of the author the student replied, "From Athens, sir!" Mr. J. R. dynes, the Food Controller's right hand man. teUs of an amusing remark he overheard. "Dar'iing," said a little boy's mother, it extravagance to eat both butter and jam on your bread?** "No, mummy," was the answer, "iVs war-time economy, for the same piece of bread doea for both." <- Lord Derby tells an amusing story con- cerning the early days of the war, before conscription had come into force, and when he was doing his best in hie capacity of Chief It-ocruit-er to secure all available young men into the Army. It appears that one of his recruiting t3,erg-e:nts m<-t in a street of a viJlag-e on the coast a fine strapping young fellow of about twenty-one. "S-ce, here, my lad." said the omeer, "you look in very good health. Are you married?" "No, I ain't," was the reply. "'V<'H, have you anyone dependent on you?" The answer was again in the negative. "Then," said the sergeant, "your King ?nd Country need you. Why don't you enlist?" "What," said the other, edging away as far as possible, "with this bloomin' war goin' on? Not much!" Mr. A:adrew "rem i n i -qm, Mr. Audrey.' Carnegie loves to "reminisce, Md the following' is one of his favourite stories. A tourist stopped in front of a. handsome building and asked a lounger what it wns. "The public library, sir," re- plied the man. "'Eaven bless Mr. Carnegie, who gave it to us!" "You don't look oa though you had much literary tas," ob- served the tourist. "Oh, I don't use the library," said the man, "but my ole woma&'s library," job of cleaning it out!" got the job of cleaiiing it out!" Lord Bercsford once IsnJed hurriedly at & port in the United States, and was Mkd to dinner, within an hour or two, by a deputa- tion of prominent meu, who would take no denial. He appeared at the banquet in morning dress, his hosts all being correcbly attired, and commenced the speech of the evening by apologising for his apparent lack of good m.'nners, but said he would take leave to explain. Being stranded without evening clothes, he said, he had called in at Me-ssrs So and-So, UG3, Something-avenue. To his dismav, however, the shopkeeper was unable to comply with hia mque.,it, and said, "The fact is, sir, I have generally some twenty-five suits of evening c:othes on hire, but there's a big dinner in the city to-night to Admiral Lord Chariea Beresford, and they've .all been loaned out!" After that delightful sally the .success of the evenmg was assured. < Mr. Sam Gompers, the American Labour leader, is a Londoner, born in Hmith-square, Sha.dwcll. He was educated in an elemen- tary school. and left England at the age of thIrt-neH. lie is a short, I thick-set man, with an engaging personality, although, as he pometimes suyH, not fa;;ied for Ida personal biOutv. A cigar-maker by trade, he became vice-pre&ident of the Cigar-maker! Interna- Monal Union, and is now president of the American Federation of La'ijC'ur, the largest Trade Union organisation In the world. In America he wields enormous influence. < < < Sir William Trelo.r has a fund of good anecdote's, and one of the bet;t of his storiea relates to himself. It M well known that he takes the. intercut in the welf:rc of crippled children, and every year ho brings a number of them to Ludgate-hIU and provides thorn -with seats -wh<d.c they can get an excellent view of the Lord. Mayor's procession. Sir WIUiam tells that about three years after his term of omce M Lord Mayor of London he wa.s !ook:ng after the cnpplcd children in Ludgate-hiU as usual. He wan'.<'d to cros! thQ street. but a young policeman stopped him, nmc.h to h.M aftoMlsLmcnt. "Do you know who I am?" a-sked SJr WiHinm. The constable replied. "Yes, vou are that sohoolmaf'.ter chap who brought all thorn kiddies here." Mr. Harold Bell W-nght is probably the. J only author wh o has become a millionarre by the! use of his pen. lie has rol(i more 130oks than any other author in the world. M.r. Wrig'ht has written seven mov,tLz, which I have had a combined s:ile of 7,000,000 copies in less than itfteeu years. The aoer- age novel is lucky if it soils 5,000 copies; evea. the be-st &cIl<Ms do uot average 50,000- yet Mr. Wright averages 1,000,000 copi&a of novel he hns written. He was urst a painter and decorator, next a landscape paint&r, then he became a pnG.cher. Lord 0:is!ow tc! a good tale a-gainst himself a.h0Ut a cattle ehow he attended, wh-Me a bull named utter him took the iirct prize. A?ter tha show his lordship accepted. the invitation of a well-known st.ock-.breeoof I to visit his farm, aud the latter wired to hia bailiff to meet a certain train, adding: I "I a.m bringing' the Earl of Ou.s-low with me." Inite3d of bringing a carriage the bailiff md them with a stick and ring and ropes, and all the para-phernalia. needed for leading an animal home, beiug under t<he imprenoiou. that hie master had bought tJie champion bull. He was quite disappointed I when the human earl arrived instead. < General Baden-Powell tella a good story ) f About the Boy Scout who one night went to j bed without having done Lia "kind act." Just as he was beginning to feel rather de- pressed about it, he heard a mouse in a trap I m tho room. "What do you think he did?' said the general. The boye promptly replied, j "Let it out." "Not .at all," replied their I chief, "he hadn't dode hia kind act: he I; thoagtt of the cat." Major B. B. M. English, London's Assie- tant .Pr<yvost<-Man8ha.l, is fond of telling a a tox i story conoorMng the colonel of a famous Hig'hJ?nd regiment who, on his retirement, j built for himecif a. eaug little residence t whioh ho named "The Retreat." He en- gu¡g.Cd:fld his gardefner an old soldier from the aaEM) Tegiment. and the colonel showed him round with evident pride. "And what do yon think of it??' he nna,Ily asked. Fine!" was the comment. "But I dinna. !1tj6 that." pointing to the name on the en- trsnoG g'ate. "Why?" !uskcd the colonel. It'Wha.t'ø the matter -with it?) U"V, «ir," waa the reply, ae the old poldicr drew him- eclf up, "yo ken ye never heard that word in oor old corps.
- - - -OUR LONDON LETTER.
OUR LONDON LETTER. [ I.rrom o«T* Spcial C'] That a Cabinet is needed for domestic aSairs as well aa for running the war hae Ix-en evident almost from the nrst day that the War Cabinet was constituted. The policy of a email Cabinet for war purposes was adopted following an agaitation against "the Twenty-three." That w.s. no doubt, an unweildy and cumbersome body, and a smaller Cabinet ought te be a more efficient instnimcnt. But it appears to have been overlooked that a Cabinet has other func. tions oc.id('S the active direction of the war, and that these functions could not be sus- pended without causing dimculty and trouble. The friction and misunderstandings between different Government departments which have been so frequent during the past eighteen months, the saying of one thing by one Miniver and of something altogether different by another, have been the direct result of the suspension of the Cabinet sys- tem. But for that suspension differences between departments would have been com- posed, and the GovernnK-nt would h¡;.ve' apoken with one voice instead of many. The necessity for a Cabinet for domestic purposes has led to the War Cabinet being overwhelmed with a miF& of work connected with the departmenta and defeating the very purpo for which it was constituted. Thia potion cf affairs is now to be altered by the formation of another body, which will relieve the War Cabinet of the renpoBsibility tor dealing with matte:? not directly con- cerned with the pL-osec-uticn of the war. No doubt, as in former days, the new Cabi- net will be comp<\sed of the heads of the principal departments. When it gets into- wcrking order we shall not witness the puzzling spectacle of the President of the Board of Agriculture a:d the Food Con- troller disagreeing about potatoes. Dif- ferences will be reconciled in the Cabinet, and .the voice of any Minister will be the- voice of the Government. It cannot be very pleasant for recipients of the Order of the British Empire in one or other of it,-) classes to Sud that mention of the Order in the House of Commons is re- ceived with shouts of laughter, and that it. is regarded as fair game by the satirists and the joke-makers in the Press. But this sort of thing is inevitable when appoint- ments arc made by the thousand, as they were last week. There are knights and dames, companions and members, and those who have received the lowest gradea are Imding that their friends are not par- ticularly impressed by the honour bestowed upon them. A county councillor haa de- scribed as an insult tho honours conferred upon the chairman and vice-chairman of the council, and I saw in a suburban paper the- other day what was almost a rebuke to tho Government for ha "ing- ma.cl,e a local celebrity only a companion instead of & kuight. The Order would l'-e more highly prized if the nppcintments were made in more moderate numbers. {.nd the Govern- ment might do worse than to t&ke the hint thrown out by a member of the House of Commons that the O.B.E. should be limited to, bay, 47,000 members. Mr. W. M. Hughes, the Prime Minister of Australia, is here ag:)in for the meetings oe the Imperial War Cabinet, it will be mt<?r- Cotiug to see whether th" papers that two years ago chose him from among all ther s<.at<-srnen of the Empire cs THE MAN to ".in: the war are still of the same opinion. There' wore ladies, too, who demanded that Mr. Hugheg should bo asked to stay in London,. :uid, a.ftfr he had gone, that he should bo ,til d aft; brought blck in order to direct the war- was, if I am not mistaken, a society formed for the purpose of putting the eloquent Australian statesman in charge of the .ship cf State. Mr. Kuglies certuinly made a. great popular sf.cce&a her a two years ago. I wonder if it v''IH be repeated. Feasibly the fact that Australia has refused! to adopt conscription has rather damaged. the reputation of Mr. flughea as "the man who gets things done." It has been suggested that it may be easier for the War Otmcc to get 30,000 mem- bers of the Volunteer Force to undertake to do one month's service th.\n to get 15,GOO for double the lime. The £'rt..t 15.COO, after serving for four v.'eeks could be relieved and their places taken by another 15,0(X). If that were possible it might be a happy way cut of tho diinculty which un- .deniably exi.s<f of meN bsing' spared from their employment f'or two months 011 end. In many cnsea the men cannot possibly be spared if business is to b-a kept going, and there is else the feeling' that a man who can be soared for two mont.his canuot be ically and that this argument might be put forward in answer to any future sppcal for exemption. An undertaking has been given by the authorities that appeals' will not be prejudiced in such a way, but it is certain, all the same, that the f&oling exists. Another ttil)-o railway ha& beeri. added to ths London und?r-wo:'ld. It is a miniature aSah' compared to the others, having been built to carry mails él.l:d parcels instead of people. This Post Omce Tube Railway waa begun in October, 1S14, and it was hoped that by the &pring of 1C15 it would have been completed. That, however, was found impossible, and though the tube has at length been finished, its equipment cannot be undertaken until the 'ar is over, material and labour being needed for munition pur- pm-.('s and for the use of the yorcea in one way and another. The railway runs front Paddington to .Whitechapel, and when i& is in. working order it should reduce very considerably the expenditure on the road vana, besides providing a much speedier' method of transit of the mails. A. E. M.
[No title]
Despite the FcJd Committee's protest, Mr. Bp<-a, E&st Westmorland food omcer, was called up for the Army; but the Tribu- nal gave him six months' exemption. That all aliens of military age should be t&ken for military service intended, of repatriated, and not allowed opportunities to begin or acquire businesses or positions g'ivcn up 'py Britishers is the opinion of Dcptford and Camberwell Borough Councils. Lieutenant-Colonel R. A. Sandars, M.P., has been appointed treasurer to H.M/s household in succession to Lieutenant- Colonel Sir J. Craig, M.P., resigned. Sent to prison for three months at Bris- tol for unlawfully wearing the V.C. ribbon, Charles Martin -was said to hajre been up and down the country, living on' the hos- pitality of various public men and wounded eoldiera. '<.