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I CLUB WINDOW. I President Wilson's grandfather—a County Down man—taught every one of his seven sons the printer's trade. The President has, on more than one occasion, jocularly re- marked that it was a very natural thing he should have dabbled so much in printer's ink himself. A smait retort was made by Sir Edwaxd Carson when, in his early days, he was de. fending a man on r. charge of having as- saulted a bookmaker. The defence was that the man was a "welsher." Of course, th-E bookmaker stoutly denied that he was a cheat, and Sir Edward, who thought thi man a "blackleg," asked him how he knein that his clients were going to drown him. "How did I know? replied the bookmaker. "Why, when they shoved me on the top 01 the river wall and took ho!d of my leg, and "Which leg?" interrupted Sir Edware blandly. "The black one?" Earl Brassey is probably the most travelled man in the House of Lords. In his famous yacht Sunbeam, which he pre. sented to the Government of India in 191C as a hospital ship, he has steamed or sailed upwards of 400,000 miles. Lord Brassey' s love for the water and active exercise 16 illustrated by the fact that when weather permits he is to be seen on the Serpentine in Hyde Park sculling vigorously. < Lord Reading, addressing a meeting of New York business men one day confessed that he was not a particularly good sailor. "On the passage over here," he is reported to have said, "we had some pretty rough weather, and once or twice I felt rather Iili the Burnley man who went with his eon or a pleasure trip to the Isle of Man. uHf W." very, very seasick, and when the boat was halfway across, he said to his son Jimmy, I've gotten a stick wi' a silver not on't a' whoam. Tha can have it. There'; two or three quid i' the bank, and that's foi t' burying. And, Jimmy, bury me in t Isle of Man. I can't stand this trip again alive or dead.' 0 -0 0 Lieutenant-General Sir Herbert Lawrence telle an amusing story concerning a recruit- ing sergeant stationed in the South of Ire- land who was trying his hardest to per- suade a certain likely looking lad to join the Army. Pat, however, declined, where- upon the BGirgeant asked hia reason for re- fusing. "Arent the King and the Kaiser cousins?" asked Pat. "Yes," said the re- cruiting sergeant. "Well," said Pat, "be- gorra, I enee interfered in a family squabble, and I'm not going to do eo again." General Sir George Younghusband tells the following story of a oertain company of Territorials hurried out to Egypt to do garrison duty in the early part of the war. Though keen as mustard, the men were, as was only to be expected under the circum- stances, a somewhat mixed lot, more especi- ally as regards some of their officers. The captain of the unit in question was particu- larly not everything a company commander should be, being short and stout, and round of shoulder. One night Qll. returning to camp this individual, who was known among his men as "Humpy," was allowed by the sentry to pass unchallenged, which greatly roused his military ire. "What the blue Alsatian mountains do you mean?" he snapped. "Why didn't you demand the countersign?" The sentry, an Irishman, trembled with fear so badly that his wit got shaken. "Bedad, sir," he stammered apologetically, "I thought you was a ca-camel." Lord Jellicoe appears to bear a charmed life. On three' occasions he has been within measurable distance of death. Once he nearly lost his life in a cutter off Gibraltar. He was in the historic collision between the Vic- toria and the Camperdown. Finally, he re- ceived a bullet through his lung while lead- ing a charge during the Boxer rebellion of 1900 in China. In the Navy Lord Jellicoe is affectionately known as "the litHe Admiral." » Probably few men who know the close friendship that exists between Lord French and Sir Douglas Haig have heard the story that largely accounts for it. It was on that historic day when Cronje's white flag of sur- render fluttered over the lines of PaaTdeberg that Major Haig-as he then was-was about to cross the Modder River. His horse reared, and he was flung into the swift-run- ning waters. In an instant another officer who had witnessed the accident spurred his horse into the river, and after a long struggle, in which the rescuer was also un- horsed, the two men reached the bank. The officer whose gallantry thus saved Haig's life was General French. A good story is told concerning King Alexander of Greece, between whom and his ?lder brother, Prince George, there is not, nor ever has been, any love lost. One day, shortly after his father's (the ex-King Con- stantine) accession to the throne, a shoot was in progress on the royal estates near Athens, and during the luncheon hour discussion arose on accidents at shoot- ing parties. "No. man has ever pep- pered me in mistake for a pheasant," re- marked Prince George. "If anyone were foolish enough to do so I would shoot him dead on the spot." Shortly afterwards, when sport had been resumed, the Crown Prince felt a shower of shot rattle round his gaitered legs, and, turning in a fury to find whence it proceeded, saw his brother with a gun levelled in his direction. "I've got another barrel ready," said Prince Alex- ander. "Will you shoot?" The challenge was not accepted. Mr. Seymour Hicks, the versatile actor, has a great fund of stories. One of the best concerns an "eating competition" that was organised in a mining town in the North of England. One competitor, a giant collier six feet in height and broad in pro- portion, succeeded in disposing of a leg of mutton, a plentiful supply of vegetables, and a. plum pudding, washed down with copious draughts of ale. He was unani- mously declared the winner, and was being triumphantly escorted home, when he turned to his admirers and said: "Ah, lads, say don't thee say nowt of this to my old woman, or she won't gie me no dinner!" Mr. Max Pemberton. the well-known writer, tells a good L-torv concerning one Robinson, who went, accompanied by a friend, to have a tooth extracted. On ar- riving at the dentist's, however, Robinson looked at the name-plate, frowned, and then went and peeped in at the window. "I'm not going in there," he said, decidedly. "That man is after the girl I'm engaged to." "But, protested the other, "what on earth does that matter? He can't have the girl if you're engaged to her, and he's bound to extract your teeth." Thus adjured, Robinson went inside. Half an hour went by. His friend began to wonder what was happening, and, opening the outer door, he marched straight into the operatmg-rcom. A strange sight met his eyes. There was the dentist, holding Robinson down in the chair with one hand, whilst the other was busy with a pair of forceps at the unfor- tunate sufferer's mouth. And as, one by one, the teeth came forth, the dentist chanted this dirge: "Sh' lufs nie, sh' lufs me not. Sh' lufs me, sh' lufs me not 1" Major-General Trenchard came home on leave from France some time ago in a rather unconventional manner. He crossed in an aeroplane in order to attend a hurried con- sultation, but somehow < or other his machine was taken for a Boche by the de- fences of London, and he could not pene- trate the barrage which was successfully put up' The gallant general "put out to æa," again, but London had meanwhile been treated to a midday raid-warning.


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