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NOTES ON NEWS.
NOTES ON NEWS. It is instructive to compare the 6peecli of the German Chancellor in the Reichstag GERMAN CHANCELLOR'S SPEECH. last week with that which he made four months ago. Then there was a great deal of talk about the huge indemni- ties which Germany was going to oxact from her beaten enemies. They were to be burdened for years in paying tribute, and Germany was to become rich and pros- perous at their expense. Last week the Chancellor did not mention indemnities. In August he talked largely of the de- struction of British sea-power, and Ger- many was to secure the freedom of the seas (the German brand of freedom) for herself and all other countries. Now we hear nothing on this point, and it is fair to assume that the Chancellor realises that the destruction of British sea-power is too big a job for Germany. Four months ago she was going to crush all those who stood in her path, and, so far as words went, one might have thought that she had no doubt as to her power to do it. But words do not count for much in war. Germany has not made any progress with the crush- ing process, and the picture with which we are now presented is of Germany fighting a defensive battle, ringed round by foes who compelled her to fight for her exist- ence and are so incredibly foolish as not to know that they are beaten. According to German ideas all of us ought to be suing humbly for peace, hoping that Germany will let us off as lightly as she can. She cannot understand why we keep on fight- ing. But as we are so stupid the war must continue. That is what the Chan- cellor's speech amounts to, and the speech was a good deal more significant for the things the Chancellor left unsaid than for thosel. he did say. Germany's terms, we may take it, are a good deal lower than they were in August, and the time is coming, slowly but surely, when she will be reduced to suing for peace herself. Everybody expected, of course, that the Chancellor would make the best of the TWENTY MILLION PIGS. situation, and it is hardly likely that we shall hear yet awhile any authori- tative account of what the various political par- ties and the German people themselves think about it. But some highly interest- ing news has appeared in the neutral papers which may help us to form an opinion on these points. It is reported, for instance, that the Socialists, meeting after the sitting of the Reichstag, voiced their satisfaction that the Chancellor had turned his back upon the policy of annexa- tion, and that the Berlin "Post" has been suspended indefinitely because it published an article declaring that without annexa- tion no peace was possible. These things are straws which ,show how the wind is blowing. It is also significant that the "Vorwaerts," the Socialist journal, was not allowed to comment on the Chancel- lor's speech. There is news, too, from Copenhagen, of an enormous peace demon- stration in Berlin, and it is said that thousands of people tried to force their way into the Reichstag, crying "Peace! Peace!" Probably it would be unwise to attach too much importance to news of this kind, as neutral correspondents have a way of sending the kind of news they think will be most acceptable to the coun- tries to which they send it; but after allowing for some exaggeration, we may take it, as also the stories of food riots in various" places, that all is very far from being well in Germany, in spite of the statement of a speaker in the Reichstag debate that the country has twenty million pigs. The figure is almost certainly ex- aggerated, for not long ago there were lamentations that so many of these useful animals had been killed; but in any case, the British Navy is seeing to it that the enemy goes short of many other necessi- ties, and even Germans cannot conduct a war indefinitely on pigs. No apology is needed for returning once r again to the need for saving in order ell COMPULSORY SAVING. help the country to carry on the war. It is, after all, the best way in which non-combatants can hlp, -1 and all of us are anxious to do our bit. There are many thousands of people who could quite easily save if they set their minds to it. The spending of money, ex- cept for real necessities, should be stopped, and we should enlist all the money we can possibly spare for the duration of the war. It is very likely that unless saving is undertaken voluntarily, a measure of com- pulsion will be introduced. In an inter- view the other day Mr. McKenna said: "If there are people with larger incomes than they have been accustomed to- people, therefore, who are free to save and can save—it may be necessary for the Gov- ernment to compel them to save, even though it may inflict very great hardship upon a number of individuals whose in- comes are fixed or have decreased. People whose incomes are quite small, and who really cannot afford such a saving, will suffer. Yet, if the worst comes to the worst, and we cannot get people to save any other way, it may be necessary to take such step as that of stopping twenty-five 4 4 per cent. of all incomes." But before thip happens, persuasion will be given a further trial. The Cleveland electors made no mistake about returning Mr. Samuel, who had to THE CLEVELAND ELECTION. submit himselr tor re- election by reason of an old statute which ought to have been repealed lotae ago. In Mr. Samuel's case it was nothing but a matter of form, for the Cabinet office which he has ac- cepted, in addition to the post of Post- master-General which he already held, is not one of profit in this instance. Yet he had to go to his constituents and to ask them to confirm his appointment. This gave an opportunity for an obscure orga- nisation to put up against him a candi- date who seems to have assumed that he had a claim upon the electors of Cleveland because he held that Londoners could not possibly drink all the beer they needed in five and a-half hours a day! It is really rather extraordinary that he found 1,453! electors to agree with him, and their con- cern for the oppressed citizens of London is quite affecting. In these days of "scientific" warfare nature's weapons do not get much of a FISTS AND THE V.C. chance. It is interesting to recall that on several occasions in our past wars the V. C. has been I awarded to men who know how to use their fists. At Inkerman a straight left- hander won the decoration for Captain Hugh Rowlands, who knocked a Russian unconscious as he was about to bayonet Colonel Hay. Again, at Jeerum, during the Indian Mutiny, General James Blair, whose sword snapped off at the hilt, sprang at a crowd of armed mutineers and put five of them out of action with his fists in as many seconds, He also got the V.C. And there is the well-known case of Admiral of the Fleet Sir Arthur Wilson, who, when his sword was broken, went for the Arabs with his fists, and bowled over half-a-dozen huge fellows. The deed won him the Cross, and also his nickname, Tug," after an English boxer who flourished about that time.
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Two firemen who were helping in the work of extinguishing a fire at the Pepper- mint Distillery, Mitcham, fell into the River Wandle but managed to save them- selves. Another fireman was badly injured by falling brickwork. The damage is esti- mated at £ 1,000..
MINING AND ARTILLERY, WARFARE…
MINING AND ARTILLERY, WARFARE j On Thursday the Press Bureau issued the following despatch from Sir John French:— "Bad weather has limited activity in the air, but, in spite of very adverse conditions, our airmen have been able to do useful work. Two machines which went on recon- naissance on the 5th have not returned. "As a result of a successful little enter- prise in the region south of Arras, a small body of our men entered a German trench and bombed the occupants, successfully with- drawing after completing their mission. "The destruction of the enemy's parapets and wire entanglements at various points on the front by our artillery continues. "In reply to a successful bombardment of the enemy's position near Pilken on the 8th inst., the enemy shelled Ypres and the area north of it heavily, but did little damage. "West of Fricourt we exploded a large mine with success on the 5th inst. Yester- day, near Givenchy, an enemy mine buried two of our men, who, however, were safely rescued." I EFFECTIVE WORK OF OUR I ARTILLERY. The Press Bureau issued the following communique from Sir John French o. Sun- day night:- "On the 8th sixteen of our aeroplanes bombed a store depot at MLraumont and an aerodrome at Hervilly. "This attack was carried out in a high westerly wind, which made flying difficult. "All machines returned safely, and con- siderable damage is believed to have been done to both objectives. "Our artillery has continued the bom- bardment of portions of the enemy's lines. "At Wez Macquart and La Boutillerie the parapet was breached in several places. "Afire was started by our artillery yester- day in Cite St. Elie, and was still burning this afternon. "The enemy's shelling of Armentieres in reply to our bombardment caused two fires, which were quickly got under. "A successful small bombing attack was carried out by us last night about Neuve Chapelle. The German trenches were entered, though strongly held. "One German machine-gun was destroyed by bombs, and a number of casualties were inflicted on the enemy. The party returned to our trenches safely, with one officer and four other ranks wounded. "The weather since my last communique haa been very stormy and wet." I ENEMY POSITIONS BOMBARDED. I The following report from Sir John French was issued on Monday night: "Last night we blew up a mine in front of Givenchy and occupied the crater. "To-day considerable activity at various points on the front. p "We bombarded the enemy's position east of Ypres, and in the neighbourhood of Fre- linghien, and shelled with heavy howitzers an enemy mine-shaft north of the La Da-usee Canal. "In the neighbourhood of the Somme there was some fighting with trench mortars and rifle-grenades. "The weather to-day was bright and cold."
|VALUE OF FISH SCALES.I
VALUE OF FISH SCALES. I Among unconsidered trifle3 may be in- cluded the scales of fish. Of value and utility to the owner during its sojourn in the vasty deep, the scales are ignored after capture as good only for the manure heap. But it was not ever thus. In days gone by fish) scales possessed a real value, notably those of roach, bleak, dace, and whitebait. Older writers tell us how the scales of these fishes were collected and used in the manufacture of necklaces, earrings, and such-like ornaments. The Thames fisher- men used to catch the fish, take off the scales, and throw the body back into the river. A pigment was obtained by treating the scales in a certain fashion, whitebait being the most popular fish used for the purpose. So great, formerly, was the de- mand at times that the price of a quart of fish-scales varied from one to five guineas. This treatment of fish-scales for making small personal adornments is attributed to the French. A Parisian artist one winter, it is said, used thirty hamperfuls of bleak scales in the course of manufacture. To- day, however, the industry is practically extinct.
ABOUT YOUR BABY.I
ABOUT YOUR BABY. I The average baby is at least a month old before it can be said to look at anything fixedly. Sometimes it is six weeks. By fixing its eyes upon it and becoming quite still a baby seven weeks old has been observed to take definite notice of a bright- coloured ball. But a much longer time elapses before a child acquires the power of following with its eyes any rapidly-moving object. Most children are unable to do so until from five to seven months of age. Baby can hear before it can see. Sudden and unfamiliar noises frighten it more than unaccustomed sights. Yet it is at least six months before the average youngster can tell at all from which direction a sound comes. Not until it is a month old has a child the slightest control of its muscles. With a very young infant, grasping objects near it is purely by instinct. The first .voluntary movement is always the same. It learns how to put the hand to the mouth. Movements of hands and arms are learnt long before these of body and legs. At four months old baby shows distinct signs of temper. Displeased, it gets red in the face. Earlier, the crying has been rather from pain or discomfort than from anger. Six weeks and three days is the average age at which baby is first seen to smile. Real laughing does not come till about three and a half months.
A DISASTROUS CONTRACT:I
A DISASTROUS CONTRACT: I "I hope the results of all commercial con- tracts made by the Government Depart- ments will not be as disastrous as this one has been," said Mr. Justice Scrutton in the King's Bench Division. His Lordship had acquiesced in the settlement of a petition of right by a suppliant named Van Meel against the King, in connection -with what was said to be a big sugar contract. Mr. Leslie Scott, K.C., for the suppliant, said the Crown had agreed to pay his client, Y,9,500 and costs.
WANTED IN "A FEW YEARS." I
WANTED IN "A FEW YEARS." I Giving evidence at Birmingham on sum- monses against manufacturers for employing children under twelve, Miss Martindale, factory inspector, said the Factory Act had been seriously infringed in Birmingham, and the Home Office felt it imperative that young labour should be husbanded for future needs. It might be wanted a few years hence in munition works. Fines were imposed ranging from 5s. to ..£3.
BUSY TIMES IN TORONTO. I
BUSY TIMES IN TORONTO. I The Toronto House of Industry, which deals with the civic relief work, reports 90 per cent, reduction in the number of families assisted, compared with October of last year, and 80 per cent. in the number of casuals fed and shel- tered. The betterment of employment in Ontario in the past year has been most notice- able and is attributable to the general improve- ment in Canadian business consequent upon the bountiful crops and the increased produc- tion along staple lines.
IMR. SAMUEL RE-ELECTED.I
MR. SAMUEL RE-ELECTED. I Mr. Herbert Samuel, the Postmaster- Geenral, has been re-elected for the Cleve- land Division of Yorkshire by a majority of 5,859. The actual figures were: Samuel, 7,312; Knight, 1,453.
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Private Albert Bamber, who joined the 8th Irish Regiment a year ago, when he was only fourteen, and has fought for four months in the trenches in Flanders, has been detailed for home service on account of his jrouUi.
HIS MAJESTY ABLE TO RESUME…
HIS MAJESTY ABLE TO RESUME WORK. The Press Bureau has received the follow- ng bulletin from his Majesty's medical ad- isers for publication:— BUCKINGHAM PALACE, Dec. 13, 1915. We are happy to report that the King has so far recovered from the grave acci- dent of Oct. 28 as to be able to resume work with certain limitations. The King has lost seriously in weight, and until a normal state of health is attained it is essential that his Majesty should avoid any cause of fatigue. It has been necessary on medical grounds that the King should take a little stimulant daily during his convalescence. As soon as the King's health is quite re- stored, his Majesty will resume that total abstinence which he has imposed upon himself for public reasons. I FREDERICK TREVES. 1 BERTRAND DAWSON.
I IN MESOPOTAMIA.I
I IN MESOPOTAMIA. I TURKISH ATTACKS REPULSED WITH HEAVY LOSS. On Monday night the Secretary of State for India issued the following statement:— "General Townshend reports that the enemy shelled his position all day on Dec. 8, and that the bombardment was continued during the night, when the enemy made de- sultory attacks on all sides. "On Dec. 10 the enemy again heavily bombarded Kut, and developed attack against the northern front of the position, which, however, was not pressed. "On the 11th the bombardment was re- newed, and two attacks were made on our north front, which were repulsed with heavy loss to the enemy. "Since then there has been less activity. "The attitude of the Arabs is reported to be satisfactory. "Reinforcements are being pushed for. ward."
ISOLDIERS VICTIMISED. I
I SOLDIERS VICTIMISED. I "A most dangerous man-guilty of whole- sale thefts from our soldiers at the front," said Mr. Francis at Westminster Police- court on Monday, sentencing a young man, said to be a native of Kentucky, U. S.A. The prisoner, who gave the name of Arthur Francis, was wearing khaki clothes, inclu- ding an overcoat, belonging to various different regiments, and it was stated that he was a deserter from November 20 from a regiment which he had joined under false representations. A detective said that early in September last the prisoner was sentenced at that court for wearing military uniform without authority, after several remands in custody and cablegrams had been sent to America to establish his identity. Since his release from custody he Had simply preyed on soldiers going to or returning from the front. Many of the robberies took place at St. Andrew's Hall, Carlisle-place, where the prisoner stayed. One man who lost hie money and everything valuable he possessed was greatly distressed about the loss of a photograph f his' wife and child. He begged an officer to try to get this photo- graph back. The man was shot, and when dying he asked for the photo. Subsequently it was found that the prisoner had it. In a locker of which the prisoner had the use at the Soldiers' Home, Buckingham-gate, witness found a large assortment of stolen property, including soldiers' passes and photographs. Mr. Francis sentenced the prisoner to nine months' hard labour, to be followed by deportation.
DEBTS DUE TO ENEMY. I
DEBTS DUE TO ENEMY. I At Bow-street Police-court on Monday, the Godfrey Manufacturing Company, Lough- borough, and John Thomas Godfrey, direc. tor, were fined X450 and X15 15s. costs for failing to disclose debts due to enemies. It was stated by Mr. Travers Humphreys for the Public Prosecutor that the company was formed at the end of 1913, and that Mr. Godfrey had very little interest in the con- cern. He held half the X5,000 capitals as nominee of a Mr. Bastard, an Englishman by naturalisation. The other half was paid for by a German firm, Bolzani Brothers, Berlin, who lent Godfrey X2,500 to take up the shares. He was to have < £ 300 a year, and anything beyond that was to. reduce th< loan. The magistrate said the case showed that a man who held himself out as a large shareholder turned out to- be the salaried manager of a German firm. •
PEER'S BROTHER DEAD.I
PEER'S BROTHER DEAD. I The Hon. John Richard de Clare Bos. cawen, brother of Viscount Falmouth, died on Monday at the age of fifty-five. He was about to start the engine of his motor-car for the journey home from mornin g service at Devoran Church, when he was seized with a fit of coughing. He went to the church. warden's house, and died almost immedi- ately from heart failure. Mr. Boscawen, who was formerly captain and hon. major of the 4th Oxfordshire L.I., married in 1890 the daughter of the Earl of Strafford. Their daughter was the wife of Lord Petre, who was killed recently at the front.
EXPLOSION AT DEMONSTRATION.I
EXPLOSION AT DEMONSTRATION. I "Accidental death" was the verdict re- turned at an inquest at Aldershot on Mon- day on Lance-Corporal T. F. Neal, 19th Middlesex Regiment. He was assisting at a demonstration of explosives, and was stand- ing 15 yards clear of what was considered to be the danger zone, his officer being much nearer. The charge exploded fanwise, in- stead of downwards, and a piece of flying metal struck Neal in the. chest, inflicting a wound which proved fatal.
EARL OF CORK IN COURT. I
EARL OF CORK IN COURT. I Charles Spencer Canning Boyle, Earl of Cork and Orrery (fifty-four), of Mandeville- place, Manchester-square, London, W., no occupation, was charged at Marlborough- street Police-court, on Monday, with being incapably drunk at Hill-street, St. GeoTge's, on Sunday morning. Mr. Wallis, solicitor, said that the de- fendant pleaded guilty, and Mr. Denman imposed a fine of ten shillings.
COST OF MODERN WARS. I
COST OF MODERN WARS. I The cost of modern warfare is well illus- trated-by Great Britain now having to a day., It\ is in- teresting to note what the expenditure, of other countries was in former wars. To- wards the close of the great Russo-Japanese War in 1904-5, Russia was spending ovet Jsl,097,000 a week. The war in South Africa totalled £ 211,948,000. The total cost of the Crimean War was about £ 313,000,000. Of this Russia paid X142,000,000, France X93,000,000, and Great Britain £ 78,000,000. France, however, up to 1874, paid the most heavily for making war, for she had to part with E- 316,000,000 during the great Franco-German War. Tho Napo- leonic wars, which practically "ended with Waterloo, were comparatively cheap for France, seeing that her total bills amounted to only X255,000,000, while that of Great Britain, including the financing of many small Powers in their struggle against the Emperor Napoleon, amounted to j £ 831,000,000.
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A German flag captured in the East African Expedition by Major Webb, of the Legion of Frontiersmen, was unfurled at. Newstead Abbey, Notts, the old home of the Webb family, on the occasion of a tenants' dinner given by Sir Arthur Markham, M,P. who now resides at the Abbey.
I IN LIGHTER VEIN.
I IN LIGHTER VEIN. I BT I THOMAS JAY. I xzzvmrmArSD BY -r. IL ICrJTJT. Writing in a trade journal, an architect says that people do not pay half enough at- tention to their houses when they are about to rent them or purchase them. In choos- ing a house, therefore, it is essential to be always suspicious. A badly-built house will sooner or later develop cracks, and for these you must always be on the look-out— in feet, you can always look-out through the oracks. The importance of a crack cannot be over-estimated, it may be a crack to day and a yawning chasm to-morrow. These things are all very well if treated properly. If the crack is small, make it into a letter- box, if too large for this, have a window or a door made. This will always hide up the crack. Always be careful with the rough-cast villa. Rough-cast can be made to cover a muleh:de of ins and outs. Be- fore purchasing li.e rough-cast house insist on the builder peeling the rough-cast off so that you can see what you are buying. If the house is a very old one and rather shaky, have an extra wall-paper put on. If anything goes wrong with the bath, never on any account send for the plumber-move I into another house—it's cheaper. I have just been reading an article on dogs, by Mr. E. V. Lucas, most charming of writers, and I am more and more con- vinced that the proper study of man is the dog. The dog has always been attached to man, and if it is a good dog and a good burglar, more than ever attached. There C ah INS ATTACHMENT. are various kinds of dogs, and I am glad to note that the dach- shund is going out of fashion. The dachshund is such a lengthy affair that I always wonder why specimens of the b reed are not arrested for having no visible means of sup- port. Four two- inch legs a t- tached to a t h i r t y-inch body appears to me to be expecting too much. I have never really loved this kind of dog-length with- out breadth—see Euclid—definition of a line. Only a day or so ago a robust letter- writer wrote to a contemporary advising the use of bloodhounds in tracing criminals. He also advised their use as a means of tracing burglars and lost property. He would like to see the burglars chased by the bloodhounds, while, no doubt, patronising old ladies flitted around and made a fuss of them, and collected for the local dogs' rest home. But all people have not got the same unswerving faith in animals. We will suppose that they made a mistake and pro- ceeded to tear up a bishop or an editor for the robbery of, a gold bangle or a pair of corsets. Public confidence in bloodhounds would wane. If you should happen to see a man walk- ing about with an outsize in long faces and a three-storey series of double chins in the first stage of corrugation, that will be me, hard at work studying economy, having been advised by a Scottish M.P. to study- this art in the interest of the nation, and not being the kind of man who allows the moss to grow under his street door mat, I am very busy just now training my old Harris tweed suit to make a noise like an evening dress suit and an opera hat. I well remember when I had that suit first, how I used to take it round and treat it to the most expensive seats in the cinema; but now that it is old and bewhiskered, it must sit in the back seats. The science of economy is wrapped up in several thicknesses of best quality mystery, and it is my intention to point out a few things which, while being economical, make life worth living, and may probably save you the trouble of sending round to the undertaker to ask if one day about three would be quite convenient, and please bring an open car. Economy being the- mother of invention, we will first call her into the witness-box. Economy can, of course, be carried too far. I once knew a man who succeeded in making two corns grow where one grew before, and then had to have his feet upholstered with chilblains to ease the pain. I expect you all read the statement last week that radium was now costing £ 20,000 per grain. Here, then, is our first opportunity of being economical. Let every reader of this only buy a small quantity-but enough for pre- sent use. Then, if large quantities must be kept, if there is a reduction in price for taxing large quantities, it is well to re- member that a damp atmosphere is in- jurious to the radiums-it gets rusty, or whatever it is that happens to radium when anything happens. However, if you are going to keep radium for a hobby or for business purposes, or if you are a radium- monger, or if you use it to kill insects in the garden, remember that the radium should be stored in large barrels in a large, cool, dry cellar. And so Mr. Henry Ford, having sent his cars all over the world, is now trying to reco n c i I e the people. Of course, it is all very hice for Mr. Ford to try and obtain peace, and I can imagine him ushered into the royal and digni- fied .presence of the All Highest- his Oiliness the Kaiser. I can also imagine his Great- ness, his Supreme Imperial P?ar- worn Oiliness Wilhelm, Ruler of the Earth and several Other FO&D'S Aax. I Places, looking more war worn than ever, trying to discuss such matters with Mr. Ford, a mere American millionaire. And, peace having been declared, I can also imagine them both waking up. Always the east wind is laden with germsj There are some germs which are necessary, jolly, sporting little fellows who eat up the dangerous germs. My trouble is that my body is not expert enough to pick out the best germs, and, of course, it takes them as they come. So I suppose 1- must have picked up the influenza germ just because it appened to be blown along by whichever of the four winds happened to be coming my way. Personally, I would not mind the, influenza germ itself, it is that other germ that wretched fellow who insists on telling you a jolly good cure. It appears to me there are about seventy thousand certain cures for influenza, and yet people go on "having an influenza cold on an average about once every time they have one. As a matter "of fact, I do not really think that people have influenza on purpose. I think it is like poor relations—it grows on one, so to speak. I have been told to cure it by soaking my feet in rum and Zrinkini mustard-I have attempted to cure it by the onion cure—I am looking for a cure for onions. But if only the doctors would not waste time looking for a cure for influenza, and would spend more time teaching us how to cure the man who has three hundred certain cures; for a cold, I think they would do us a service. If I had my way with these friends, who delight in telling you cures for everything-and I am not vindictive—the least I would do with them would be to have them sent to the Tower and shot at dawn.
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I', Fat hens reached the record price of 10s. each at the Guildford poultry market. Anglers fishing in Blagdon Lake, Somer- set, during the past season caught 765 trout [ weilhing 2,0361b. Lost and untraceable, insurance cards number: England 216,000, Scotland 45,000, Wales 39,000, Ireland 24,000.
I HUMOUR OF THE WEEK.
I HUMOUR OF THE WEEK. I BAREARIOUB i At a recent church service the clergyman giving out the weekly notices concluded by announcing as follows: "The preacher for next Sunday will be nailed upon the church door." I EXPERIMENTING. A man walked into a grocer's shop and handed to the assistant a paper containing some white powder. "I say," he said, "what do you think this is? Just taste it and tell me your opinion." I The grocer smelled it, then touched it with his tongue. "Well, I should say that was soda." "That's just what I said," was the triumphant reply. "But my wife said it was rat poison. You might try it again to make sure. I A REART WOUND. Mrs. Stuart-Wortley, who opened a new Y.M.C.A. recreation hut at Winnall Down Camp, Winchester, told the following story: "A very demure YQung woman-a niece of Lady Brassey-who took a great interest in the canteen work, was engaged behind the counter at one of the huts. Again and again she noticed a young soldier hovering about near the counter, and at last he gave her a photograph and asked her when her next free afternoon would be." I A "BOMB" STORY. An amusing incident that took place at the judges' lodgings at Liverpool was told by Mr. Justice Low at the Liverpool Assizes. The story was brought to his mind by a description of an automatic barometer. "Oh!" said his lordship, "there is one of those at the judges' lodgings. Somebody put it on the windowsill to give it a little outside experience. A policeman making his rounds during the night saw the instru- ment, and, believing it was a bomb, he put it out of harm's way into a bucket of water!" I TAKING COVER. The man had had some wonderful expe- riences in France, so wonderful that one marvelled he was still alive. He only made one. mistake. He told one story too many. This is it: We were coming along the road at Mons," he said, "when the Germans opened fire with their machine guns. Of course we dashed for cover. I was lucky, because if I hadn't hidden behind two kilometres I should have been riddled with bulleta." I BOBN DIPLOMAT. "Harry, I am beginning to believe the baby looks like you." "Are you, dear?" "Yes, I notice it more and more every day. I'm so glad." "Do you really want him to look like me?" "Of course I do. I've been sorry ever since we had him christened that we didn't give him your name." "Sweetheart, you don't know how happy you make me by saying that." "And, Harry, dear. I found the loveliest hat to-day. I don't believe I ever saw any- thing that was so becoming to me. It's five pounds. Do you think I ought to pay that much for a hat?" I A GOOD NAME. A story which will be appreciated by every agriculturist and university man is told in Edinburgh. A number of examinations were being held recently at the University, and at one of them a student bearing the name of Meadow, who had answered the printed papers, was called up for his "oral." "Ah, Mr. Meadow, facetiously remarked the examining Professor, a genial man in his way, "fine old name youis." "Yes, Professor," responded the student, without a moment's hesitation, "It would be a great pity if it were ploughed." QUIPS FROM "LONDON OPINION." I "Deeds, not words," is the motto of the Australian contingent. Our gallant Corn- stalkers" scorn talkers. A new fashion in America is the wearing of "ankle boquets." Roses which will not be born to blush unseen. Umbrellas are among the few things that have not increased in price—yet they are of little use unless put up. A gentleman, the afternoons of whose life have been saddened, says that the news of our drink restrictions is bound to en- courage the enemy. Germans can now read that we are getting less stout daily and have fewer ports than when the war began. Sold by auction in Huntingdon for a patriotic fund, a cockerel worth eighteen- pence realised .£165. Something to crow about! By way of economy, the supply of note- paper in the Parliamentary writing-rooms has been cut down. As a theatrical manager remarked, you can have too much "paper" in the "house." PICKINGS FROM "PUNCH." I In reply to representations made by the Roman Catholics of Germany on behalf of the Armenians, the Imperial Chancellor has replied that "the German Government,. in friendly communication with the Turkish Government, has been at constant pains to better ,the situation of Turkey's Christian subjects." Thanks to this friendly inter- vention half-a-million Armenians will h."er suffer again from Turkish misrule. From the list" of Christmas books issued by the German publishers there would appear to be an extensive demand for British sea-stories, such works as "Robinson Crusoe," "Treasure Island," and "The Crusoe,? being freely advertised, though of course in translations. It is suspected that these books are issued by the German Ad- miralty to the sailors in the Kiel Canal, in order to give them a notion of the ocean. A Berlin Professor, lecturing on the use of trees as fodder, stated that experi- ments have already been made in feeding dogs with beech-wood. It is hoped that in time these intelligent animals will be trained to subsist upon their own bark. 1 J Extract of a letter from a soldier to his home: "All the French boys and girls can say Souvenir.' It is the only English word they know." I A SNUB FOB POSTKBITT I Extraet from a letter signed "Nationalist" in "The Irish- Times" "Every eligible Irishman who emigrates, turns, whether or not he realises it, a deaf ear to the cry for protection of unborn generations of Irishmen and Irishwomen." "Wanted for East Coast, Curate. One not afraid of occasional bombardments. Apply Vicar."—"Church Times." "Why not install a canon" asks the paTson who sends us the cutting But per- haps so high a dignitary would not pay sufficient attention to the Vicar's maxims. I COMMERCIAL CANDOCTB. I A Baoaibay merchant advertism.- "This I-atier, manufactured from the best cream, will stand any high temperature if kept in a cool place."
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Fire broke out in the Naval, Recruiting Office in Argyle-street, Glasgow, recently, and, owing to the density of the smoke, the tenants could not escape, and had to be rescued in their night attire by firemen by means of ladders. They were temporarily housed in Red Cross wagons.
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