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I ACROSS THE TABLE. Although the prospective and possible* trouble in Ireland is no matter to be lightlyt, talked about, we cannot refrain, says the, Queen, from printing a concise description of the Irish situation as told to a correspondent. of ours up in the North by a genial Irishman. There is some truth underlying the apparent absurdity. "The trouble," he said, "with us Irish people is that ha'f of us are Protestants and ha'f of us Catholics if only we were alt Atheists we could live quietly together like Christians. Remarkable candour characterises the- appeal of the gentleman whose brains and body" are for sale, according to a per- sonal" advertisement in the Times. "I want to make good," he says, after living idly for twenty-six years, and working for two." He has owned seven motor-cars, and still pos- sesses one, but cannot afford to run it. Pos- sessing tact and adaptability, he appeals to a lady or gentleman having recponsibilities that I can carry to our mutual benefit." If Mr. Thornton patronisingly decle.rett that our Tube railways compare quite favourably with the New York underground lines,. another American railwayman finds our express services as nearly perfect as they can be." This is Mr. F. W. Whitridge, presi- dent of the Third Avenue Railroad, New York, who, it is interesting to notice, is of opinion that there is nothing in the Unitedi States to approach the workmen's traffic at. Liverpool-street. Mr. Whitridge also prefers. our system of handling luggage to the much- vaunted American baggage check," whoseo drawback is that when you want the bag- gage back again in a hurry you are lucky if you get it. A man called on the jury at Salford Ses- sions objected to serve, as he was a Socialist, and did not believe in the existing system of trying prisoners. The chairman (Mr. Yates, K.C.) told him that ff he had a conscientious objection to taking, his part in the work of the Court he would have to sit in the waiting jurors' gallery until the Sessions were over, 80 that he could see how the business was- conducted. His name would be called from time to time in order to make sure that he was in attendance. The juryman took the oath and stayed in the box. In the window of a small general shop in South London may be observed a card bear- ing this inscription. Workmen called early in the morning. Terms moderate." Such a. notice is rarely to be seen in London nowa- days, though the custom is an old one, and was much in vogue previous to the invention of the cheap alarm-clock. The individual en- gaged in the "calling" is known as a. "knocker-up," and a favourite method of awaking the would-be early-riser is by rap- ping on the bedroom window-pane with a stick or by throwing up small stones- In the North of England: the "knocker-up." is still a familiar figure. A certain motor- tourist has a small car with an ingeniously contrived luggage-carrier be- hind. Unfortunately, the carrier will hold other things besides luggage. When the tourist had got twenty miles on his Easter journey and stopped for refreshment he found that an urchin had taken a free ride in the carrier. Had the boy been twelve years old the matter would easily have been settled. The trespasser might have been punished just by allowing him to walk home again. But. what was to be done with a child of eight* The motorist took him to a station and put him into a train for his home. He declares that the imp's grin of delight when he saw that a free train ride was to follow the free motor ride was the most exasperating sight of his life. An important person was. discoursing loudly- to a friend in the tram about his programme for Easter.. Never go away on Easter Mon- day. Such vulgar crowds, i just potter about; my garden." A voice came from the back of the car: "Bill, what are you doin' on Easter Tuesday?" "Just potterin' about my gar- den. What are you doin' Easter Wednes- day?" "Just potterin' about my garden." By the time the programme had reached Saturday the important gentleman had de- sided to alight from the car. Public interest in the plumage question has increased so greatly since the introduction of the Government Bill gave hope of practical dealing with the matter that ma-ny persona will be glad to find a good report of the debate- on the second reading of the bill, with the- division list, in the Spring Number of Birõ- Notes and Neics. Many other expressions of opinion. on the matter from representative- men and women and from scientific societies, also given, indicate the strong feeling that exists i.n favour of decisive legisla-tioai- Lady Bountiful: "Oh. Rector, I thought- you would like to know that old Jones is laid up with rheumatic fever." Rector: "Thank you so much, I'm so glad to hear of a sick parishioner." —Bystander. Now that the "Lib. Imps." have folded their tents, many of them within the present Cabinet, Lib.-Lab." and I.L.P." seem to be the only popular contractions in use for party names nowadays, writes a; (foirresperh- dent. Another, however, which may become customary as indicating a very aggres-sive political force, was overheard at Liverpool the other day on board one of the Atlantic liners from the lips of a very voluble lady who had come to see a friend off. She was expounding the difficulties she had encountered in getting a pass for admission to the vessel. "The trouble I've 'ad. my dear.ine> began, "you'd 'ardly believe. "Says I to the ole chap be'ind the counter, I wants a pass for the Lucy.' ("Lucy," it may be explained to an inland-dwelling people, is short for R.M.S. Lusitania.) Can't 'ave one/ says reo wily not?' says L 'Oh,' says 'e, 'there's too many of these 'ere suffragettes about- 'He,' says I, 'take me for a bloomin' suff., do you ? Look 'ere. young man.' says I—I called him 'young man.' but he was bald as a turnip, my (lea-r-' look 'ere.' says I. 'T may not he one of your educated women (and no more I am, my dear), 'but I'm a woman as "as "ad to work with the sweat of 'er 'ands. and none of your suffs.—disgraces to their seetses/ says I. '■Well." says "e, "ow many of you's go ill'?" say- 1. and 'ere II am, my dear." "■ Gentlemen," said the chairman of the> Did RollicRers' monthly dinner. if I break this bone in two. whom would it represent?'" Not many gnes^es came. for the maforitv of the guests were past riddles at that time of the evening." Wfsh'bon-e," boisterously suggested one merry gent. "Bonaparte bone apart! Seel" cor- rt-eted the chairman. The merrv gent in question was particularly tickled at the answer, and having reached his residence at 2 a. m., a Her various wanderings, woke his good lady to impart to her the excel- fence of his latest quip. That- dame, w:t'h indignation in every hair of her liead. faced her recalcitrant spouse. "If I had a bone, and broke it in half, whom would it represent? he spluttered. "Worm she gasped, and indignation stopped further utterance. No. Napoleon, my dearr"" he said. tri- umphantly. A tragedy h-as to be recorded in the art, world. It concerns, says the Daift/ Mi rror, si valuable miniature- and a somew hat "fresh" assistant to a firm of art dealers. A client brought in for sale the miniature, which w.-vs. that of a (-harming woman painted on ivory without glass. It looked a ]itt\e dustv, and. thinking that it could do with a cleanins, the assistant, who was a trifle short-lighted, breathed somewhat strenuously unon it. and thou proceeded, to the horror of the client, and before he eon Id he prevented, to run it vigorously with a haudkere;-f. The larr^nt- auk and awful result was that beautiful face was almost entirely ribbed dr. A chim was at once put in. and the accident lia:i cu.-zt tl\.(, firm quite a ltt.lÐ SUIll. the- firm quite a nice htt.Ie sum.



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Ledbury Produoe Market. I

Ledbury Corn Market.