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THE UP-TO-DATE "WATCHMAKERS & JEWELLERS HAVE NOW OPENED THEIR NEW Wyndham Street Premises. Pioneers of Low Prices, it will save you money to purchase your New Year Presents. Look at their New Display. PRIVATE ROOM FOR Engagement, Dress, Keeper, and Wedding Rings, Witt which we give a Useful Present. DON'T FORGET, IT'S GRIFFITHS', HENCEFORTH The Wyndham Street Jewellers, BRIDGEND. REPAIRING by Experienced Staff on Premises. PLANTING SEASON, 1905-6. G. COOKE & SON HAS A SPLENDID ASSORTMENT OF Ornamental Trees and Shrubs TO DISPOSE OF AT REASONABLE PRICES, AS FOLLOWS:— Apples, Pears, Plums, Gooseberries, Currants, Raspberries, &c: Trees for Hedging, Shelter, &c., of all kinds. tROS-ES-H.P. Climbers, Teas, Vir- ginian Creepers, Clematis, &c. Trees grown by us are well suited for the neighbourhood. Wreaths made of the Choicest Flowers at very Short Notice. Bulbs, Wallflowers, Polyanthus, Daisies, &c. OW GARDENS LAID OUT BY PRACTICAL MEN. ESTIMATES FREE. LITCHARD & NEWTOWN NURSERIES. Seed and Fruit Depot: Park Street, Bridgend. 1805, AND AT MARKET EVERY SATURDAY. BAT BATns BATns f — THE SOUTH GLAMORGAN j Steam Laundry I & Baths' Co. I I B<hg to inform the public generally, that the I Slipper Baths ARE NOW OPEN: MONDAYS 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. I TUESDAYS 10 a.m. „ 8 p.m. Wednesdays 10 a.m. „ 8 p.m. I > THURSDAYS, for Ladies (lady ) attendant) 10 a.m. to 3.30 p.m. ;■ For Men 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. j FRIDAYS 10 a.m. „ 8 p.m. SATURDAYS -u 10 a.m. „ 8 p.m. I Single Baths (First Class) 6d. „ (Second Class) 4d. » THEY HAVE A PLENTIFUL SUPPLY OF Hot & Cold Pure Soft Water. ') For Quarterly Tickets apply to the Manager. Per Quarter, LADIES (1st Class) 5/- 't » (2nd Class) 4/- GENTLEMEN (1st Class) 5/- „ (2nd Class) 4/- = PRINTING DESCRIPTION Executed with Neatness and Promptitude, AT THE Glamorgan (gazette Office, Bridgend.
INSPECTOR'S SUPPOSED SUICIDE.I
INSPECTOR'S SUPPOSED SUICIDE. Mr. William H. Hill, an inspector in the sur- veyor's department of the Belfast Corporation, was found shot dead at his residence at Hill- mount, Greenisland. Mr. Hill, who it is sup- posed committed suicide, was well known in Belfast and Carrickfergus. He was a prominent member of the Independent Order of Recha- bites.
DETECTIVE KILLED BY KAFFIRS.
DETECTIVE KILLED BY KAFFIRS. While raiding a native location in the out- skirts of Port Elizabeth, where the natives were suspected of illicit drinking and the unlaw;ul possession of firearms, four detectives were sud- denly attacked by 200 Kaffirs armed with knives, stones, and revolvers. The officers were caught like rats in a trap. Closing together the men gallantly fought their way through, discharging their revolvers and using the butt end of tho weapons. They managed to escape, all severely injured. One of the officers, named Gibble, is reported to have died two days afterwards. He was a native of Cambridgeshire, and served through the Boer War, and subsequently joined the South African Constabulary. Besides being a capable and popular officer. Gibble was well known as a footballer and cricketer both in Hampshire and South Africa. He was an all-round athlete, and for two years prior to leaving Bournemouth he acted as gym- nastic instructor to the St. Andrew's Lads' Bri- gade in that town. The deceased officer, who was only twenty-five years of age, left at home a • widowed mother, who was solely dependent upon him.
MADMAN IN A HOSPITAL.
MADMAN IN A HOSPITAL. An exciting affair took place in the Mater Misericordise Hospital. Dublin, on Monday morning, when a patient, Martin Fitzpatrick, suddenly jumped from his bed, and with a knife, which he had previously taken from a locker near his bed, twice stabbed Nurse Patterson, who had remonstrated with him upon leaving his bed. The cries of the nurse, and the screams of the other patients who witnessed the attack, brought 'to the ward Dr. Devane and Mr. O'Callaghan, resident pupil, both of whom grappled with the now infuriated patient. After an exciting struggle, in the course of which Mr. O'Callaghan was stabbed in the leg, Fitzpatrick was overpowered, borne to the ground, and held until the police arrived. Later Fitzpatrick was brought up in the police-court charged with the assault, and on the evidence of the police surgeon he was committed to an asylum as a dangerous lunatic.
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Thomas Currie, a dock labourer, fell down the hold of a steamer on which he was working at Liverpool, and died from a fractured skull. The body of Mr. Frederick Horsley, farmer, of Brigham, near Driffield, has been found in his fold yard. There were cattle in the place, but they had not molested the body, which had evi- dently lain there some hours. While travelling to Garden City, Kansas, an Englishman named Bryan White was robbed of :£1,600 in money and diamonds, which he carried I in a suit case, being afraid the Indiana might at- tack the train.
MASSACRE OF FOUR WHITES.
MASSACRE OF FOUR WHITES. A telegram from Melbourne states that ad- vices from Port Darwin appear to confirm the massacre by natives of Mr. Fred Bradshaw, the owner of a Victoria river station, who was pro- ceeding to Port Darwin in his launch, and of his engineer, two other whites, and four native employees. A detachment of police which was despatched to the scene of the disaster has found the launch, which is spattered all over with bloodstains, and a body supposed to be that of Mr. Bradshaw has been found on the shore. The bodies of the other victims have not yet been discovered. Eight natives were arrested, but six of them escaped after a desperate struggle.
"COAL-OIL JOHNNY."
"COAL-OIL JOHNNY." SPENDTHRIFT WHO BATHED IN CHAMPAGNE. A New York correspondent reports the death of John Steel, of Franklin, Pennsylvania, who achieved notoriety by squandering a fortune of JE600,000 within seven months. He died in poverty. His foster-mother, from whom he de- rived his wealth, was blown to pieces by an ex- plosion of coal-oil gas, and for that reason, ap- parently, Steel was known throughout America as Coal-Oil Johnny." His record as a spendthrift, detailed in a most amazing book, is verified by scores of people still alive. For months Johnny marched the streets in various oil towns bedecked in banknotes and dollar bills of various denominations pinned to his coat and trousers. Paper money lined his hat and protruded from the uppers of his boots. He was nor, precisely mad, but was afflicted with what the French call the folie de grandeur, and' would do anything for notoriety, which he cer- tainly achieved. Serious American newspapers are devoting Columns to the description of his absurd ex- ploits. He scattered weaith broadcast each day, paying £ 1 to a shoeblack. £ 2 for a shave, while his tips to waiters amounted to £ 1 or JE2. He gave friends money to gamble with, and once bought an hotel and gave it to the clerk. In New York he hired a cab, then bought it. and made a present of it to the driver. After he had bought all tho champagne in a New York hotel once, he ordered several cases to be brought tc him, and told the attendants to spill the wine in a bath-tub. Then ho bathed in the costly liquid. Johnny would pass alonp: the street, see a pretty girl, and present her with a 100dol. bill. He paid for everything that pleased his fancy. After six months of this riotous livinsr he got to the end of the string. He then sold his oil properties and royalties for a song. One morning he awoke dead-broke, his triends deserted him, and in hit latter years he was reduced to earn a pittance as a common labourer.
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If you (rave any difficulty in securing the Gaeefcbe," write to the Head Office.
THE COOK'S TIME-TABLE.
THE COOK'S TIME-TABLE. Old potatoes require twenty-five minutes, new ones fifteen. Steamed potatoes take thirty-five minutes. Old carrots take an hour, young ones thirty minutes. Old cabbage takes twenty-five minutes, young takes fifteen. Onions take forty minutes. Parsnips take forty minutes. Salsifv takes two hours. French beans take thirtv minutes. Cauliflower takes twenty-five minutes. Turnips take twenty minutes. Lamb, fifteen minutes for each pound. Pork, thirty minutes for each pound. Chicken weighing four pounds, one and a-half hour. Fish weighing five pounds, one hour. Turkey weighing ten pounds, three hours. Veal, allow twenty minutes for each pound. Mutton, thirteen minutes for each pound. Sirloin of beef, rare, seven minutes for each pound; well done, allow eighteen minutes for each pound. Beef fillet, twenty minutes for each pound.
FOR BREAKING UP A COLD.
FOR BREAKING UP A COLD. Anything that will set the blood into active circulation is good for a cold. Bathe the feet in hot water and drink hot water, or hot lemonade, on going to bed; take a salt water sponge bath and remain in a warm room. Bathe the face in very hot w?ter every five minutes for an hour or so. Snufi hot salt water up the nose every hour or two. Four or five hours' exercise in the open air is often effective. Four or five grains of quinine taken at night will usually have a good effect. A vapour bath, followed by a cold sponge bath, is good. In barthing one should be careful not to get chilled.
-..f, SAXE-COBURii ROYAL DIVORCE.
f, SAXE-COBURii ROYAL DIVORCE. A Paris correspondent saya the terms of the agreement between Princess Louise and the Prince of Saxe-Coburg are that the P'incess will receive a monthly allowance of 7,000 Austrian crowns from her husband, and an annuity of 50,000 francs from her father. In addition to this she will receive in instalments a capital of 4r>0,000 Austrian crowns from the Princc. The conditions imposed upon the Princess are to avoid all scandal. She must surrender to the Prince's mother all papers, documents, and so forth which would have been produced in court as evidence.
REMARKABLE LOSS OF MEMORY.
REMARKABLE LOSS OF MEMORY. About a month ago a young man was misscu from his home at Falmouth, and for three weeks nothing was heard of him, and a vigilant search produced no result. The other day there was a rumour that he was hawking in Trafaigar- square, London. Ultimately, he was found in the Church Army's wood-chopping depot at Hackney, but he failed to recognise his father, and is suffering from complete loss of memory. He is now under the doctor.
HUGH WATT IN PARKHURST.
HUGH WATT IN PARKHURST. Hugh Watt, who was convicted at the last sessions of the Central Criminal Court, and sen- tenced to five years' penal servitude for inciting to the murder of Mrs. Julia Watt, has been re- moved from Wormwood Scrubbs to Parkhurst convict prison, Isle of Wight, where he will un- dergo his term of imprisonment. There is a proposal on foot to present a petition to the Home Secretary praying for a reduction of the sentence.
INEBRIATES' APPEAL.
INEBRIATES' APPEAL. Mr. Plowden had the unusual experience of being asked by two women, who appeared before him at Marylebone on charges of drunkenness, to be sent away to an inebriates' home in order that they might be cured of the evil. The first was Florence Grey, a dressmaker, and thirty-seven years of age, who had been charged with drunkenness seven times since last Febru- ary. She was tired of getting drunk, and told the constable who arrested her that she would much like the magistrate to send her to an inebriates' home. The second woman was a well-known character at that court, named Fanny Stewart, aged fifty- four. It was the eighth time, it was stated, she had been charged that year, and she, too, wished to be sent to a home. Mr. Plowden: I cannot do it without your con- sent. Do you wish me to do it? Prisoner (eagerly): Oh, yes; you settle it, Mr. Plowtfen. She wavered, however, when she was told that she might have to go to the home for three years. Eventually she gave a hesitating consent, and was remanded.
PRINSEP JEWELS RECOVERED.
PRINSEP JEWELS RECOVERED. Detective-inspector Stockley attended the West London Police-court, on Saturday, for the pur- pose of collecting evidence against two Swiss waiters—Jose Keller and Otto Keller (brothers) —who are at present under detention in Switzer- land in connection with the theft of Mrs. Van Prinsep's jewels from her house in Holland Park, Kensington, on November 14th. It will be remembered that quite recently an Austrian named Altmann was charged with being con- cerned in the robbery—which took place while the family were at dinner—but on his trial he was acquitted by the jury. Being cognisant of the fact that several men were concerned in the affair, Inspector Stockley caused diligent in- quiries to be made, with the result that the two Kellers were arrested on suspicion in Zurich. One of them, it is alleged, was trying to dispose of a pearl necklace—part of the stolen jewellery— and a search at the lodgings occupied bv the brothers led to the discovery of nearly all the rest of the jewels. Owing to a peculiar pro- vision in the Extradition Treaty between this country and Switzerland, Swiss subjects cannot be extradited to England for crimes committed here, but are tried for such offences in their own coantrv on sworn depositions despatched from England; and Inspector Stockley came to the court to obtain the depositions which were used in the trial of Altmann.
A PRINCESS OF COCOS. ROMANCE…
A PRINCESS OF COCOS. ROMANCE OF AN UNCROWNED KING. Around a brief announcement which has just been cabled from New Zealand that on the 28th ult. Harold Kempthorne was married to Mabel Clunies-Ross, of the Keeling-Cocos Islands, there can be woven, writes a correspondent, one of the prettiest romances of British colonisation. The bride is a lineal descendant of the Captain John Clunics-Ross-the grandfather of the pre- sent King of the Keeling-Cocos-who took a prominent part in the expedition against Java, under the command of Sir Stamford Raffles, and who shortly afterwards, it is stated, made the discovery of these interesting islands in the Indian Ocean. Mr. George Clunies-Ross, who visited London in 1899 for the purpose of consulting the Home Government concerning the advisability of forti- fying Christmas Island, was educated at Glas- gow University, having been brought to Scot- land from the Keeling-Cocos when only five years of age. Succeoding to the Governorship of these tiny insular specks, he at once set him- self to work to formulate a set of laws for the better governemnt of his 700 subjects. Utopia would probably best express the kind of life which is led by these South Sea Islanders, as there are no police. no prisons, and, best of all. no taxes! In addition, as an encouragement to matrimony and thrift, every married man re- ceives a free gift of three acres of land—minus the cow of the old country—together with a house and garden. Once every year a representa- tive of the Governor of the Straits Settlements pays an official visit to these remarkable islands, and his report, which generally reaches London about three months later, is always one of the most fascinating documents of its kind issued in the course of the year from the Colonial Department. i
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TO MOTHERS.—-Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup has been used over fifty years by mil- lions of mothers for their children while teething, with perfect success. It will relieve the poor sufferer immediately. It is pleasant to taste; it produces natural quiet sleep, by relieving the child from pain, and the \ittle cherub awakes "as bright as a button." Of aU Chemists. la. lId. rwr Kott.lo
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If you have any difficulty in securing tiie Gazette," write to the Head Office.
* "-L-DEATH OF CANON WATSON.
-L DEATH OF CANON WATSON. The Rev. Frederic Watson, D.D., Vicar of St. Edward's, Cambridge, Hon. Canon of Ely, and Examining Chaplain to the Bishop of Ely, died suddenly after breakfast on Monday morning. Canon Watson, who had been ailing for some time, was born at York in 1344, and had held the living of St. Edward's since 18S3. havinar been previously Vies, of Guy. Cambridgeshire, and Starstcn. Norfolk.
KING HONOURS A SCHOOLBOY.
KING HONOURS A SCHOOLBOY. An interesting little ceremony was performed at Sandringham on Monday morning. The Aing annually presents a gold medal to the head at King's Lynn. King Edward YIL's Grammar School. The winner this year is Percy George Bales, of Fakenham. Accompanied by the headmaster, the Rev. W. Boyce. the lad was re- ceived in audience by his Majesty, who person- ally presented the medal, and congratulated young Bales upon his position in the school.
AN ECHO OF THE WAR.
AN ECHO OF THE WAR. An interesting action arising out of the late war in the Far East will shortly be heard in the Law Courts. The underwriters at Lloyd's have resolved to resist payment in the case of the steamers Australia and Montara, which were captured by the Japanese with large cargoes of furs, valued at £ 100,000 each cargo, while bound from Kamchatka to San Francisco. The under- writers contend that the steamers were in the employ of the Russian authorities at the time of their capture and had Russian officers on board, and this was a circumstance not contemplated when the vessels were insured against war risks. As a sequel, the underwriters have now been served with writs at the instance of the owners of the ships and their cargoes.
FOURTEEN SAILORS DROWNED.
FOURTEEN SAILORS DROWNED. The Norwegian steamer Hemland, which has just arrived at Hartlepool, has had a rough and disastrous voyage. She was bound from Neorvik to Hartlepool with iron ore. Terrific weather was encountered. The decks were swept by heavy seas. the hatches smashed, two boats carried away, and the steering gear disabled. The remaining lifeboat was launched, and four- teen of the crew got into her. They apparently thought the steamer doomed, and cut the beat adrift. The captain and the remaining five men succeeded in getting the vessel into Drontheim, but the fourteen men who left her have not been heard of since. Their boat, empty and damaged, was subsequently washed ashore.
NEW YEAR'S DAY IN GLASGOW.
NEW YEAR'S DAY IN GLASGOW. The magistrates closed all the public-houses in Glasgow on New Year's Day. There was a rush for the theatre bars, which soon sold out. The temperance party opened cafis-chantants in the poor neighbourhoods. Despite the general clos. ing; the police returns of drunkenness are un- satisfactory. Those who wanted drink got in an extra supply beforehand.
SUCCESSFUL WHALING.
SUCCESSFUL WHALING. The last whaling season has been a particu- larly good one, every ship having done much more than paid its way. In several instances the shareholders will receive handsome dividends. One of the boats—the Snowdrop-is only a fish- ing lugger, fitted with a motor. But she captured a whale worth at least £ 2.000. Another obtained a cargo of the value of about £ 25,000.
WIFE CHARGED WITH MURDER.
WIFE CHARGED WITH MURDER. At Norwich, Rosa Kowen, aged thirty-eight, was charged, on Monday with the murder of her husband, under strange circumstances. Early on Friday morning shrieks were heard from the Kowens' house in Railway-street, and the neigh- bours found the place on fire. Prisoner and jier two children were rescued from the bedroom window by means of a plank. The husband was afterwards found lying dead in the sitting-room below, which was well alight. The police on examining the body found wounds on the head, and they afterwards arrested Mrs. Kowen. When formally charged, she said: "I did not plan to murder, nor yet to hurt him in any way." She was remanded.
BOGUS WORKMAN'S DARING THEFT
BOGUS WORKMAN'S DARING THEFT The Metropolitan Police are investigating a daring robbery of jewellery from the house of Mr. and Mrs. J. T. Tanqueray, 16, Cleveden- place, Eaton-square. The other afternoon a re- spectably dressed man presented himself at the servants' entrance during the absence of Mrs. Tanqueray, and informed one of the maids that he was the bearer of an order from the water company" to examine the water pipes in the house. He was admitted. Ke went upstairs ostensibly to examine the bath-room pipes, and he appeared from his manner to be well ac- quainted with the house. A few minutes after the man said that he had finished his work and left. No further notice was taken of the visit until the following morning, when Mrs. Tan- queray was dressing for luncheon. Going to her boudoir on the first floor for her jewellery she discovered that a diamond half-hoop ring, three other rings, and gold muff chain, a brooch, and her husband's opal and diamond pin were miss- ing. Then the household remembered the visit of the man the previous day, and it is supposed that the trinkets must have been appropriated by him. The police were at once informed, and a description of the man was circulated. It is believed that he is a member of a well-known gang. The missing jewellery is valued at J6250.
GAS BILLS IN PARLIAMENT.
GAS BILLS IN PARLIAMENT. Of the Bills and Provisional Orders to be pro- moted in the next session of Parliament there are about sixty relating to gas undertakings. These include four—from Aberystwith, Ponte- fract, Hirchin. and Wolstanton—in which local authorities seek power to purchase gas under- takings at present belonging to companies. The Gas World states that apart from such pro- posals for transfer of gas undertakings, the schemes embodied in the Bills and orders will entail a capital expenditure of about £ 4,250,000. A noteworthy feature of many of the Bills is the proposal to reduce the illuminating power of the gas to 13 or 14 candles. Now that the incan- descent mantle is used in ever increasing numbers, it is felt that the nominal illuminating power of the gas is of much less importance than it was formerly considered.
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The men of the second cruiser squadron, the chips having completed their defects at Gibral- tar, have been ordered home on leave. The Atlantic Fleet, now at home, will await the completion of the leave of the second cruiser squadron before again leaving England.
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Accounts relating to the revenue of the United Kingdom, issued by the Treasury, shew that the total revenue for the quarter ending December 31st, 1905, amounted to £ 34,902,934, as against £34,879,336 for the corresponding quarter of the previous year. Captain Spencer Henry Metcalfe Login, C.V.O., commodore second-class, has been pro- moted to the rank of rear-admiral in his Majesty's Fleet, to date Januarv 1st. 1906.
POCKET-MONEY FOR GIRLS.
POCKET-MONEY FOR GIRLS. Aside from the feeling of self-reliance which an allowance gives to a girl, the use of pocket- money means her best preparation for that time when her husband places money in her hands for conducting her home. Her allowance as a girl will make her more familiar with money when she grows to womanhood. A father in these days. when so much is expected of woman, does an incalculable wrong to his daughter by with- holding an allowance from her. To give a girl an allowance is not a privilege, but her right. To withhold it is to do her a serious wrong, and likewise is an injustice to the man whom she will marry, and whose money she will be entrusted with to spend wisely. She should have experi- ence before she reaches that point.
THE STUDY OF HEALTH.
THE STUDY OF HEALTH. The clearness, and, consequently, the beauty, of the skin depend so much upon the health of the body that no one can hope to have a brilliant and healthy complexion who suffers from indigestion, neuralgia, anaemia, &c., there- fore due regard must be paid to everything which affects the general health if you want your skin to be in good health. The best aids to beauty are abundant ablutions of the entire body, wholesome and easily digested food, plenty of fresh air, and sufficient sleep.
THREE CAUSES OF DISEASE.
THREE CAUSES OF DISEASE. The three most common predisposing causes of disease are the excess of heat, damp, and cold, the worst of all being the latter. The best rule to follow is never to allow the medium in which you live to draw away warmth from your body, but, on the contrary, to make it supply you with this necessary of life. The only exception is that of muscular action-this engenders caloric, and then a fire may be dispensed with but as soon as the body returns to its normal condition it should immediately be transferred to a warm atmosphere until the skin has returned to its usual state. In a word, the system ought always, in summer as well as in winter, to be protected from chill.
LET BABY SLEEP.
LET BABY SLEEP. A young infant ought to spend the greater part of its time asleep. In fact, the two great duties of its life are feeding and sleeping, and the second ought to occupy much more time than the first. Never allow a babv to be aroused from its sleep, even to see the most important of visitors. Remember that it is often politeness and not affection which makes people ask to see the baby, and do not let the little one be roused from its slumbers. When it has rested long enough it will wake naturally, but to be sud- denly roused often causes a considerable shock to its nerves and injury to its health.
BENEFIT OF COLD BATHS.
BENEFIT OF COLD BATHS. The cold bath is, as a rule, beneficial to the robust, to young men, and to men in the prime of life. It is. however, generally unsuitable for early childhood, for women, for the delicate, an for the aged. Since, nevertheless, there are ceptions to every rule, each adult is able cover the suitability or unsuitability of t bath for his or her individual constit giving it a trial.
MANY USES OF SALT.
MANY USES OF SALT. Besides being such an essential pr art. salt has many other valuable Salt cleanses the palate and fu' a gargle of salt and water is c A pinch of salt on the ton minutes after by a drmk of cures a sick headache. Salt hardens the gums, mal and sweetens the breath. Salt added to the water stand keeps them fresh. Salt used dry in the sa! do much to relieve cold, Salt in warm water eyes will be found ver Salt and water w' tooth-pulling.
THE SECRE
THE SECRE The golden rule extremities- warm, portant rule for ( tightly shod. Bo. vent the free ci sure, but when, brace the foot t the shoe and warm air. damp shoes. slices are r change ther one of the dampness i evapo ration and thus I- Sabdixj off, fill and bone of grate adding spoonfv the cos dash < thoror and si OYS- be r rolleo out make but d quick carefi to la two pan. take liquo each stir i oyste lemo sauc' cases pasti Po lowi, and seas, thicJ. sma1 and .cold man' PR until ston cold the of p mint. spoo: moul crean
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IF' CA hav. G Send ROC Can be Address- 1690 Si.
WISE AND OTHERWISE.
WISE AND OTHERWISE. Every man has his price, but brides are give. away. Teacher: "Johnny, you may give me a defini- tion of hypocrisy." Johnny: "It's when a feller ways he loves his teacher." Poet: "This, sir, is the only poem I ever wrote." Editor: "Well, cheer up. Nobody's going to take it away from you." Tramp: "I lived on water once for six months." Lady: "Well, I must say you don't took it." Tramp: "I uster be a sailor." Friend: "Are you superstitious? Do you be- lieve in signs?" Successful Merchant: "No. Newspaper advertisements are better-and cheaper." Father: "What makes you think you can sup- port my daughter?" Suitor: "Well. I've been engaged to her for two years, and it hasn't broke me." Amateur Sportsman: "I say, did I hit any- thing that time?" Gamekeeper: "I think not, sir. There weren't nothing in sight but the birds, sir." Little Clarence: "Pa, what is an optimist?" Mr. Callipers: An optimist, my son, is a per- son who doesn't care what happens if it doesn't happen to him." Sea Captain: "What do you call this?" Waiter: "Bouillon, sir." Sea Captain: "Well, well; I must have sailed on bouillon all my life and did not know it." That's arrant nonsense," said Mr. Henpeck. "about there always being room at the top." Oh," his wife sarcastically replied, when were you up to see?" Dearborn: Do you know the seven wonders of the world?" Wabash: "Well. I know three of them." "Only three?" "Yes; I've only got three sons, you know." Sadbolt: "I had such a funny dream last night." Dingus: "What was it?" Sadbolt: "I dreamt that I asked you for the money you owed me. and you paid it." Oh, Tom. that I should see you come home in that condition." M'dear, ain't I always talkin' to you 'bout goin' t' sleep 'n leavin' gash buruin'? It's simply ridiculous!" His Wife: You're home at last! I thought you'd never come." Mr. Outlate: "And ab- sence, instead of making the heart grow fonder, has merely affected the temper." Let me learn from your eyes what my fate is to be," sang the poet; "let them teach me the secrets." "Thank you," interrupted the lady; "they have pupils enough now." Pocticus: "Have you read Shakespeare's 'Love's Labour Lost'?" Cvnicus:" No: but I've taken a girl to the theatre, and had her talk to the man next her all through the show." Bessie, how many sisters has your new play- mate?" "She has one. mamma. She tried to hoax me by saying she had two half-sisters; but she didn't know that I have studied fractions." She stood on the bridge at midnight, And that's what caused his woes; 'Twas his little wife who stood there, And the bridge was the bridge of his nose. Ascum: "Jabsley is awful vain, isn't he?" Wander: "Well. rather. Why, he has fitted up a phonograph in his room to play See the conquering hero comes!' when he opens the door." "Patience: "I saw that handsome Mr. Styles we met at the ball in his motor-car to-day." Patrice: "Did he speak to you?" "Yes; he shouted to me to look out ItS I was crossing the street." "Oh, Arthur, how happy I would be ak with you on a quiet itland in the dist ocean! Have you any other wish, def Ella?" "Oh, yes! Do get me a season ti for the opera You may refuse me now," said the suitor, "but I can wait. 'All things him who waits. "Yes," replied the and I think the first thing will b hear him on the stairs." "See the meter, please," brusq representative of the gas compa- plied the little woman, with in her eye, it's pretty bus* can see it for a moment." Friend of the Family- my boy. to be the sev< everlasting fortune." hasn't so far. All clothes of my six I suppose • remember you friend. "Y r brance," re more like "How get emr mendir wants he's .M
BLWY
BLWY Dyma *?r Ma" Rhor I Rhj RF P An u Cwm' I'r diwe At N. I Dy Cut L Cofi G