The Montgomeryshire Express and Radnor Times

A KICKING HEIFER. This very annoying and costly vice or habit is best prevented by the application of what in the North of England are called cow-ties—a short, soft, pliable cord of jute and horsehair twisted round the hind limbs just above the hocks in the form of a figure of eight. With the limbs attached together at the hocks, it is ridt possible to advance the foot sufficiently forward to kick the bucket.

WOOL. No change of importance has taken place in the wool market during the past week, and until the close of the year little al- teration is anticipated. Rather less has been doing owing to the season, but prices .show no change, and remain as firm as hitherto. Though buyers have not been as prominent as of late, for whatever they re- quire they have to pay full prices, and really do not expect to obtain any abate- ment, though they may ask for it. Good wools sell freely, and it is chiefly in the other classes that a little more quietness has been experienced. Colonial wools are very firm and sell steadily, and in the manufacturing districts the demand keeps very steady and good.

Yeno's Lightning Cough Cure. Its remarkable Sale of over 2,000,OCO BOTTLES ANNUALLY. The remarkable demand created for Veno's Lightning Cough Cure to the extent of over two million bottles annually, is due not so much to judicious advertising as to the wonderful purity, safety and efficacy of the remedy itself. It simply stands alone as a certain cure for coughs, colde, bronchitis, asthma, whooping cough, influenza, all chest and ltfng troubles in children or adults. Chemists sell it, price 9Jd, lill and 2/9 a bottle.

DAIRY CLEANLINESS. The dairy and all the utensils which the milk comes into contact with must be kept scrupulously clean. Immediately the milk has left the dairy, the filter should be taken to pieces, the filtering medium burned, and the metal parts, together with the other utensils, thoroughly cleansed. It is most essential that the utensils are washed immediately after being used, as any stale milk left about forms an ad- mirable medium for the development of the type of organism that cause trouble with milk and its product. Dairy utensils and appliances should be washed first in tepid water, not hot, and then scalded or steamed. So says a writer in The Live Stock Journal' almanac for 1911. Hot water causes the albuminous portion. of the milk to adhere to the utensils, and form a food for the undesirable type of bac- teria. FLOODED LAND. During parts of the past and of the pres- ent week areas of land in low-lying dis- tricts throughout the country were under water, as the result of the flooding rains. Except for the loss of live stock swept away and drowned in some places, the in- undation of pastures at this period of the season is not of very serious importance but the floods in many districts covered arable land as well as pastures, and that is a serious misfortune at any time of year. Even uncropped arable land thus covered with water for some days cannot fail to be damaged, but the injury is greater still where it was under crops. In the case of wheat sown, but not above ground, a good deal of rotting in the seed is to be feared. That had occurred to some extent from the persistent rainfall which occurred before flooding resulted, but it must be worse now in the inundated districts.

Stitch in Time. There is an old saying, A stitch in time saves nine," and if upon the first symptoms of anything being wrong with our health we were to resort to some simple but proper means of correcting the mischief, nine-tenths of the suffering that invades our homes would be avoided. A dose of Gwilym Evans' Quinine Bitters taken when you feel the least bit out of sorts is just that stitch in time." You can get Gwilym Evans' Quinine Bitters at any Chemists or Stores in bottles 2s. 9d. and 4s. 6d. each but remember that the only guarantee of genuineness is the name Gwilym Evans on the label, stamp, and bottle, without which none are genuine. Sole Proprietors :-Quinine Bitters Manu- facturing Company, Limited, Llanelly. South Wales.

THE KING AND HORSE BREEDING. The Board of Agriculture are authorised to announce that His Majesty the King has been graciously pleased to offer a cup for the champion stallion at the spring show of thoroughbred stallions, which is to be held in London in the second week of March, 1911, in connection with the annual show of the Hunters' Improvement Society. The cup will be held by the win- ner for one year. The conditions of the competition will shortly be announced. His Majesty has also been graciously pleased to permit any premiums which the Board may be in a position to award to stallions out of grants from the Develop- ment Fund to be known as King's Pre- miums. At least twenty-eight Ring's Premiums will be awarded at the show, but it is probable that increased funds for the encouragement of horse-breeding will become available before the date of the show by means of a grant from the De- velopment Fund, and in that case the number of premiums to be awarded will be substantially increased. The Board hope to be in a position to announce at an early date the steps which they propose to take in connection with the award of free nomination for suitable mares for service by premium stallions, the purchase of brood mares and of stal- lions, and also for the voluntary registra- tion of stallions.

AMERICAN MEAT TRUSTS. "The bold venture initiated, I believe, by Mr Roosevelt—says Old Breeder in Farm and Home 'to test the power of the law for dealing with great combinations known in America as meat trusts," is worthy of

kBQR WICKS I BAKING POWDER!

more attention than it has hitherto received from the general public. Every consumer of meat is interested in this matter as well as every producer of cattle, sheep, or pigs. The reason given in America for the special legislation passed at Washington was that these voracious organisations stand between the people and their food, and by manipu- lation of the markets artificially raise prices to the consumer without benefitting the pro- ducer. A case has been tried in New Jersey, and the trust was ordered by the first court to hand over their books and papers for examination, and many will learn with regret that the enormous wealth of the trust has enabled it to appeal against that order and to get it reversed in the higher court. This is a severe check to the prosecution, but few people dared to hope that any law could possibly be framed capable of dealing effectively with the huge octopus which is fattening on the life blood of the American people." Express' readers will do well to note this, as these trusts are only possible in Protected countries like the United States, and it clearly shows that the farmer would probably not, after all, get the benefit of high prices under Protection.

IRISH BACON. At Stockport last week David Cunning- ham, grocer and provision dealer, of Stock- port, was summoned, at the instance of the Board of Agriculture, for having fraudu- lently applied to certain bacon a false trade- mark description whereby the place or country of origin was falsely indicated. The defendant was also summoned for having sold goods to which the false description had been applied. Mr Ryhmds prosecuted on behalf of the Irish Department of Agri- culture. He said the defendant exhibited in his shop window a gammon of bacon, to which was attached a label bearing the words, Finest Irish," the allegation being that it was Dutch. An inspector of the Department said he bought the whole gam- mon, which was of poor quality, at 21d per lb.-Dr J. J. L. Van Ryn, Agricultural Com-

What Newtown has found Mont- gomery has found. It is good to know th&t our neighbours over in Montgomery have found what so many well-known and respected Newtown men and women have found. Mrs A. Pryce, who lives at Chirbury-road, Montgomery, says For many years 1 have been troubled with kidney complaint, having had at one time inflammation of the kidneys, which left a weakness. I was terribly troubled with pains in my back, and with rheumatism, and occa- sionally I had attacks of sciatica, and fainting fits. I was advised by a friend to use Doan's back- ache kidney pills. I tried them, and now would not be without them in the house at any cost. The pills iavA me wonderful relief from the pain, and now when I feel the slightest attack I always take a fpw doses and obtain immediate relief. I can heartily recommend Doan's backache kidney pills." Doan's backache kidney pills are two shillings and ninepencu p.r box, or six boxes ior thirtet:n shillinges and ninepence. Of all chemists and stores, or post fiee direct from the Foster- McClellan Co., 8, Wells-street, Oxford-street, London, W. BE sure you get the same kind of pills as Mrs Pryce had.

<rfr S To any person who can supply the correct names of these Of FFI fl two well-known English Towns, and fulfils conditions below y! we. otfer our £ 2 10s. Lady's SOUS GOLD WATCH nglish Government stamped, iully jewelled as a rwrrl XFT. (Silver Watches are presented to Ge^T) send your attempt on a sheet of paper, together with ampod addressed envelope for reply, to FEL1 (JWS XJ m ■holeale Watch Merchants, Bir^ingha^Th. \V*n £ i .1 ~'l to purchase a Chain from us to wear with watch.

EXTERMINATING RATS. Leaflet No. 244, issued by the Board of Agriculture, is concerning The destruction of Rats." Fortunately, Montgomeryshire is not so infested as other parts of the King- dom. In some places they have been a terrible nuisance. It states that two kinds of rats are found in Great Britain, the black rat and the brown rat, or sewer rat. The females of both species breed at a very early age, and though they go with young for six weeks they have several litters in the year, each litter comprising from six to fourteen young. Rats therefore increase in numbers very rapidly if sufficient food is available. It is highly desirable, both from an economic and a sanitary point of view, that rats should as far as possible be de- stroyed.. The destruction oi rats is essen- tially a matter for local effort, and the occa- sion for the attempt to be made is when the danger of injury from their presence outweighs the probable cost and trouble of killing them. There are three methods which may be employed in the destruction of rats:-(I) Hunting; (2) trapping; (3) the use of poison or rat virus. There is not much to be said about the first of these methods. Most residents in the country are acquainted with the ratting instinct of terriers, and with the employ- ment of ferrets, and a knowledge of the practice can better be obtained by experi- ence than by description. As regards traps, the spring trap, which kills the rat at once when the spring is released, is the best, but care must be taken to see that, no other animal is caught, and traps should there- fore be visited frequently. Another kind is the wire trap, on the eel-basket principle, which the rat can enter easily when at- tracted by the bait, but cannot leave. Rat poisons are sold in all country towns by chemists, and several patent.or proprietary poisons are advertised in agricultural and other newspapers. They are generally composed of phosphorus paste or arsenic, but strychnine may also be employed, while the use of barium carbonate has alsc been recommended. Plaster of Paris is sometimes used mixed with flour, which sets in a hard mass in the rat's stomach. It must be remembered that rats are very suspicious, and if they find that any num- ber of their fellows die after eating any kind of food, they will avoid such food for some time. It will be as well, therefore, to vary the form and appearance of the pois- oned bait at intervals. Thus, after using poisoned bread for a while, oatmeal simi- larly treated should be used. In any case, poisoned baits should only be laid by authorised and responsible people. Rat viruses, of which there are several on the market, can be used without fear of direct injury to any animals other than rodents.

POULTHY MANAGEMENT. A plantation near a stream is admirable for rearing ducklings in. House them in a roomy coop, with a raised floor covered with straw, and give plenty of ventilation, says the Poultry World.' Feed at first carefully on admixture of barley meal and biscuit meal made up with milk. Use boiled rice, and greaves of meat scraps, at six weeks old. These latter are rapid flesh formers Stone or brick walls in the poultry house should be primed, and wooden houses should have all holes filled with an ad- mixture of soft soap and clay, to which a few drops of carbolic acid has been added. MORE AND BETTER POULTRY. More poultry are kept in the United Kingdom than ever known before (says the Journal of the National Poultry Organi- sation Society'), and on the whole there has been a decided advance in the quality and productiveness of the birds. In spite of these facts prices of eggs and chickens are higher than at any previous time. To some extent this is due to falling supplies from abroad, but not entirely so, for con- sumption has grown much more rapidly than production. Yet we are only at the beginning of things. The absorbing capacity

jBROwSfl RONCH IAL TR-OCHES S FOR COUGHS & COLDS. M |k FOR THROAT AFFECTIONS. M PL FOR BRONCHITIS. MM g||k FOR CATARRH. ETC. I as old

> WRETE *w _Ssnd «■ postcard to-day for fl mif 8$* 5" Sa*nuers_ magnificent Guide to Eg 5**4 X Xma.s and Kew "iPresent buy- ff ins- i'^is useful money saving B W M voiume is crowded witii ail the H &S W V JrFSud i&r latest Novelties at prices which n T m mean enormous savings to Christ- Sktf-sg&aW1 rLr 'ma" touyers' ^ri-e now for H. samual's M ilrv.v r iJrJQ FREE BOOK OF £ XMAS BARGAINS I /f ~a book YOU should obtain at once. You wilt be surprised your^usuai^Xmas outlay can be made to go by iCi!G the two. i. Free 3/6 'Full S,asonable G-ift. Sil,r. Month's Trial (Usual 5/6). La Gold, 1246 Po erful Toiie. LETTER H ,^1^' I/O CALENDAR h Xma"PreBent- XMAS AND NEW YEAR 8 1 nmvau^m. ff; f M P akes any sue record Bay your presents from H. Samuel LEYES J5» m any size record. du,Qct> Hundreds of instances of | rabsolutely amazing value in the FREE BOOK. | AVOID M3NSY-DRAIWNG, NEVER-ENDING WEEKLY PAYMENTS. Keyless or Key- j 1 li SAMUEL, LVEI ? .( SI^V^R ppgg T .IIt"I' TO SUFFERERS FROM SKIN AND BLOOD DISEASES. t The specialists will tell you that all such com- by thoroughly purifying the blood. For cleansing t plaints as Eczema, Scrofula, Scurvy, the blood of all impurities, from whatever cause ■ Bad Legs, Ulcers. Abscesses, arising, there is no other niedictne just as good ■ Tumours, Glandular Swellings, as "Clarke's Blood Mixture," that's why in I Bolls, Pimples, Sores and Erup- thousands of cases it has effected truly re ark- ■ tlons Of all Kinds, Blood able cures where all other treatments have tailed. Poison, Rheumatism, Gout, etc., Start taking Clarke's Blood Mixture to-day, and are entirely due to a diseased state of the you will soon have the same experience. blood, and can only be permanently cured — The Editor^of ^the^' Family seen hosts of letters bearing testimony to the truly wonderful cures effecte-d by Clarke BlOOd Science and Medical Skill have brought^to^light, it to our subscribers and the public genera||y| "Clarke's Blood Mixture Stores, 2/9 'ioUon'lr ^metallic "J- J}*, rVJlllHVPfVMK trcgnation, does not quantity 11/ I ▼, ■ ■ ■ tm ■ contain any injurious free on receipts rgee II i I M VHI ingredient, and is a direct from *,■*??- I LI I yi W *■" 1 good, saje, and useful prietors, medicine.Health. and Midland Countie, Of all Chemists and Drug Co., Lint Has Oufod Thousands, REFUSE SUBSTITUTES. WILL CORE YOU. \— MTlu^^RATS I » have been slaughtered by using » l HARRISON'S As RELIABLE" RAT POISONr Equally good for Mice, Moles, and Beetles. Dogs and Cats will not touch it. Vermin dry up and leave no smell. Price 6d., Is., 2s. 3d., and 3s. 8d. Postage 2d, G. W. HARRISON, Chemist, Rewling.Sold by Chemists. Agents:—For NKWTOWN, Andrew Breeee; WELSHPOOL, W. Bishop; MONTGOMERY, A. Thomas, Borough & County Supply Stores LLANIDLOES, R Hughes; MACHYNLLETH, F. Rees. All Chemists. HAVE YOU A BAD LEG with wounds that discharge or otherwise, perhaps RO surrounded with inflammation, and swollen that when you press your finger on the inflamed part it leaves the impres- sion P If io, und the akin you have poison that if not extracted you can never recover, but go on suffering till death releases you. Perhaps your kneea are swollen, the joints being ulcerated; the same with the ankles, round which the skin may be discoloured, or there may be wounds. The disease, if allowed to continue, will deprive you of the power to walk. You may have attended various hos- pitals and bad medicl advice and advised to submit to amputation but do not, for I can cure you. I don't say perhaps, but I will. Because others have faiiod is no reason I should. Send at once a P.O. or stamps for 2s 6d to ALBERT, 73, FARRINGDON STREET, LONDON, and you will receive a box of GRASSHOPPER OINTMENT and Pilla, which is a sure remedy for the cure of Bad Legs, Housemaid's Knee, Ulcer- ated Joints, Carbuncles, Poisoned Hands, Tumonrs, Abscesses, Spre Throat, Bronchitis Bunions, and Ringworm. (Copyright. BffOWEY. DEAR SIR or MADAM,—Are you requiring a prompt and Private Cash advance? If so, you cannot do better than write for my terms, r free of charge. I lend .410 and upwards at Lowest Interest and Payments, upon Note-of-Hand, or on Policies, Deeds, etc. You can rely upon straight dealings and strict privacy. Write at once (in strict confidence) to F. W. HUGHES, Silver- dale," 63, Kins?s wood-road, Moseley, Birmingham MONEY LENT PRIVAXKLV | In large or small Sums (not less than iJlO) NO PRELIMINARY PEES On Borrower's Own Promissory Not. ESTABLISHED FORTY YEARS, and now lending UPWARDS OF P-80,000 AN ALLY For Prospectus and Terms apply personally or by letter to- GEORGE PAYNE & SONS. I 5, Town Walls, SHRSWSBITRY N.B.—The above Firm have received unsolicited letters of thanks from hundreds of borrowers. Ex- tracts (without writers' names) from more than 1,600 of such letters have been printed in pamphlets issued annually for the last ten years. Specimen copies of these may be had, post free, on application. One of Pentierhedya Street, Manv. Machynlleth, Oct. Hth, 1910. To PHILLIPS' IVJUSIC SALON, Newtown. GENTLEMEN,— I am pleased to inform you that the NEW PIANO gives every satisfaction to all concerned. Its Tone and Case-appearance is highly praised. Yours respectfully, Rev. D. H. HUGHES, Corresponden h. Machynlleth Council School p' TO AIL IS TO FAIL Health is the mainspring of action, Without it you falter and fail and make poor success of things generally,' 'With' g out health you are at a disadvantage com- mercially, socially and intellectually. Health establishes purpose, energy, concentration, and accomplishment. Be healthy. Remember that loss of energy means loss of business acumen. To ail means to fail. The surest means of warding off ailments and of providing against any loss of vigour is to take an occasional dose of $«cfourvS fills They are famous the world over for their excellent effect upon the stomach, liver, and other organs of digestion. If you are suffering in any way from digestive trouble you will be well advised to give them a trial. They will quickly and surely give tone to the system, restore the appetite, bring back Health, Strength, and Energy, and in the battle of life will HELP YOU TO PREVAIL. -4 Prepared only by Thomas Beecham, St. Helens, Lancashire. | Sold everywhere in boxes, B price I/lJ (56 pills) & 2/9 (168 pills)- H les, DEATH TO RATS with RODINE Rat, Poison. Makes a clean I sweep in one night Dead vermin dry up. No trouble, mess, or smell. Absolute extermina- tion guaranteed. The swiftiest and deadliest I Ear; Killer known Tics 6d„ Is., 2s., 3s., 5s. Post 2d. HAKLEY, Chemist Perth. Agents: A. Breeze, Chemist, Newtown; H. E. Ellis, Chemist, Llanfair; H. Payne. Chemist, Welshpool; H. Davids, Machynlleth. "m*mm™■■■>"« mi u, CAMBRIAN E AIL WAYS ANNOUNCEMENTS. CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR HOLIDAYS, 1910-11. TN CONNECTION WITFI THE ABOVE EXCURSION TICKETS WILT RP X FKOM MOST CAMBRIAN STATIONS, as underWILL «E ISSUED TO DATE. PERIOD. SOUTH WALES Dec. 24th For 3, 4, b, 6, 7 or 8 Days. SCOTLAND Dec. 23 & 30 For 4, 5. or 17 Days. LANCASHIRE, Dec. 23rd Week End. YORKSHIRE, Dec. 24th For 3, 4. 5, 8 or 15 Days. MIDLANDS, &c. Dec. 30 & 31 Week End. T nunnM l £ ec- ••• ^'Gr 3, 4, 5 or 8 Days. LONDON [gee. 26r,h. For 2, 3 or 6 Days. JDec. 31st For 3, 4 or 5 Days. EXTENSION OF WEEK-END TICKETS i" Tickets issued on Friday and Saturday, December 23rd and 24th, will be available eturn the following Sunday (train service permitting), Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. MONDAY TICKETS TO LONDON Issued on December 24th will be available for return on the following Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday. CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS. EISTEDDFOD AT CHESTER, DECEMBER 26th. ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY, DECEMBER 26TV and 27TH, 1910, DAY EXCURSION TICKETS Will be issued to STOCKPORT, BIRKENHEAD. WARRINGTON, CHESTER, RHYL, COLWYN BAY, LLANDUDNO (Via Whitchurch), from Newtown, Montgomery, &c. — I I CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS. rn/\n>Tn Manchester United v Woolwich A December 26th FOOTBALL MATCHES Liverpool v. Sunderland December 26th Everton v. Liverpool December 27th 0N P,ECEMBER 26, & TUESDAY, DRCEMBER 27, 1910, DAY EXCURSION TICKETS will be issued to LIVERPOOL & MANCHESTER From NEWTOWN, MONTGOMERY, &c. SATURDAY TO MONDAY CHEAP TICKETS TO LONDON. EVERY SATURDAY UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE CHEAP RETURN TICKETS AT A SINGLE FARE AND A QUARTER for the Double Journey will be Issued TO LONDON. At all Stations on Cambrian Railways. Available by any Ordinary Train Outward on Saturdays. Return following Sunday or Monday. FOOTBALL & HOCKEY PARTIES. SPECIAL EXCURSION FACILITIES are offered to the above Parties s (Minimum 10 Passengers), and the Secretaries are invited to communicate with the Traffic Manager for full particulars. O 'Uli q —— FOOTBALL MATCHES, DECEMBER, 1910. AT GOODISON PARK: EVERTON v. BRISTOL CITY December 24th EVERTO.11 v. LIVERPOOL December 29th EVERTON v. MIDDLESBOROUGH December 31st AT MANCHESTER: MANCHESTER CITY v. NEWCASTLE UNITED December 24th MANCHESTER CITY v. PRESTON NORTH END December 31st DAY EXCURSION TICKETS TO LIVERPOOL & MANCHESTER, From NEWTOWN on these Dates. EVEHS MONDAY, THURSDAY, AND SATURDAY DURING DECEMBER, and Until Further Notice, DAY EXCURSION TICKETS WILL BE ISSUED TO LIVERPOOL & MANCHESTER From NEWTOWN by 6-57 a.m. Train. Third Class Return Fare, 4/9. CHRISTMAS PANTOMIMES and other Entertainments in Birmingham FOOTBALL MATCHES. ASTON VILLA v. BURY December 26th BIRMINGHAM v. WEST BROMWICH ALBION December 27th ON MONDAY, DECEMBER 26TH, TUESDAY, DECEMBER 27I>H, 1910, & MONDAY JANUARY 2ND, 1911, DAY EXCURSION TICKETS Will be Issued to WOLVERHAMPTON and BIRMINGHAM, FROM NEWTOWN December 26th and 27th at 6-57 am. January 2nd at 8-25 a.m. Full Particulars of the above Excursions can be had at the Stations CBAS. L. CONACHER, Oswestry December, 1910. Traffic Manager. .-r.no.w_ -< ii::3i;r1l!'A:u£rwr:fi.zr.:J.llii1f.S¿'1:-Sk S eC8"bp^e| Manufactory to Bt W MADE OF Mitish Plate. Bevened edge jg ==-J 8'red Ibø the Public. M Mirrors 10 Wardrobe and Ibnat Dressing Chest. K-y to OAK Marble top Washstand with Cbe ftbac. .Tile back. THP.OUGHOUT Carriage Paid any distance. N 0 OT H E R W 0 0 D Can be returr,.ed if not approved f of money will be I You to pay Carriaple one way OR VENEER You can pay by instaiments; 101- deposit. and 216 weekly I NIT for 15 months. I

missioner to the Netherlands Government, said he believed the brand on the bacon to be that of the Dutch Government.—Mr Mr Sidebotham (the defendant's solicitor): Is not this Dutch bacon as good as Irish ?- Dr Van Ryn: That is the principal reasoji why we want to put. our own brand on. We consider if the articles were sold on their merits we should have the adva,ntage.-For the defence it was contended that a mistake had been made in putting a label on the bacon. Cunningham was fined 10s and costs for having sold a piece of bacon which was falsely described as Irish bacon, and was ordered to pay the costs for a false trade description applied to the piece of bacon which he exhibited for sale.

There is no other animal on the farm which requires as careful attention as ewes during the period of pregnancy. A sudden fright by dogs, or even by strange persons, will often cause ewes to lose their lambs. They must be kept quiet, be well fed, sheltered from storms, and receive the con- stant attention of the flockmaster.

of our people is a long way from having reached its limit, and the production possi- bilities are equally great. All the signs are that foreign supplies will not increase, prob- ably will decrease to a considerable extent. Hence, demand is certain to grow rapidly, unless as a result of shortage of supply prices are forced up to a point when con- sumption would be checked that would be disastrous. We are all striving to secure higher returns, but that may be carried too far. Present-day prices are excellent, offer- ing a good margin over cost—that is, when marketed in the best manner-and offer every inducement for extension of poultry- keeping. But we are fast approaching the danger point. Better sell a thousand eggs at a good price than force up rates and only be able to find outlets for five hundred. Greater numbers of poultry are wanted to prevent such check to demand, and at the same time improve our methods of. produc- tion and marketing so as to secure the best returns. The Kingdom is capable of pro- ducing more eggs and poultry to the tune of several million pounds sterling annually. RURAL JOKES. "I guess," said the American, none of you ever saw such parsnips as I grew out in the States last year why, I had to hire a steam derrick to get them out o' the ground." "Talking about parsnips," said Perkins, meekly, reminds me of some I once grew in Radnorshire to try the effect of a patent fertiliser my brother invented. The result was astonishing. Those parsnips for size easily beat all records, and just how far the roots penetrated into the earth we could only guess at. But to our disappointment the plants suddenly sickened and died." I guess that was a tarnation pity," said the American. "What was the matter with 'em ? Outgrew their strength, I suppose." Well," replied Perkins, calmly, we found out afterwards it was because the end of the roots had been eaten off by rabbits in Australia." Father," he began, after taking the old man back from the barn, "your years are many." Yes, my son." You have toiled early and late, and by the sweat of your brow you have amassed this big farm." "That's so. William." It has pained me more than I can tell to see you at your age troubling yourself with the cares of life. Father, your de- clining days should be spent in the old arm-chair in the chimney corner." "Yes, William." < Now, father, seeing you are old and feeble, give me a deed of the farm, and you and mother live out your few remaining days with me and Sally." William," said the old man, as he pushed back his sleeves, I think I see the drift o' them remarks. When I'm ready to start for the poorhouse, I'll play fool arid hand over the deed, William!"