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..-V, TTHE COURT. 0 -


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FACTS AND FACETIAE. DESIGNING MEN.—Architects. THE flowers of speech spring from the root of the tongue. HAPPINESS is a bird that owns no cige but the pure bosom. PEOPLE who travel into cannibal countries are apt to be turned into Indian meal. THE gas is reported to be so bad in Erie, Pa., that the boy who puts it out has to take a lautern to find the posts. AN Iowa newspaper is printed in red ink. An exchange says that the editor is determined to have his articles read. WHEN is a wagoner like the moon ?—When he's on the wain. WHEN is a shower like a piece of leather?—When it's a driving-rain. IN what head-dress is the wife of a smoker often seen at home ?-In a wreath of smoke. WHY is the early grass like a penknife?—Be- cause the spring brings out the blades. WHY does a bricklayer resemble a bird?—Be- cause he has often raised a wing and flue. WHY is the fish an eccentric animal ?—Because he will have his (s)whim. A SHIPMASTER who takes 44 any port in storm should be compelled to tell where he gets it. SOME people use one half their ingenuity to ger. into debt, and the other half to avoid paying it. THERE'S no knowing one's friends till they are tried," as the warder of the penitentiary said when one of his cousins was placed in his keeping. WHY are you always looking into the glass, madam?" "Sir, the glass I look into helps me to improve my appearance those you look into deg: ade yours." ON hearing a clergyman remark, The wond is full of change," Mrs. Partington said she could ItardJy bring her mind to believe it, so little found its way into her pocket. THE Rev. Henry Ward Beecher, describing his new organ says, "The swell died away in delicious suffocation, like one singing a sweet song under the bed- clothes." Now, then, Thomas, what are you burning off my writing-table?" said an author to his servant. Only one paper that's written all over; I haven't touched the clean," was the reply. THE Scripture says the glory of a woman is her hair," but it nowhere says that the glory of any woman is in any other woman's hair. WHAT is the reason of a blow leaving a blue mark after it ?" asked an inquiring young gentleman. "It's easily accounted for," answered a medical student; "for you know that blow in the perfect is blew." "My lord," said a barrister to a judge, every man who knows me, knows that I am incapable of lend- ing my aid to a mean cause." That's so," said his opponent the learned gentleman never lends himself te a mean cause he always gets cash down." AT a school in the North of England, during a lesson on the animal kingdom, the teacher put the fol- lowing question Can any boy name to me an animal of the order edentata-that is, a front tooth toothless animal ?" A boy (whose face beamed with pleasure at the prospect of a good mark) replied, "I can Well, what is the animal ?" My grandmother! replied the boy, with great glee SCOTCH PUNSTER.—A shoemaker of Aberdeen I had come into a fortune, after having fallen into several I misfortunes, chiefly from feminine causes. He sought to divorce his wife, and she sought to divorce him, and in I the various suits £ 2,000 or -93,000 was spent. Lord I Deas, during a dispute about the wife's expenses, asked, How would this shoemaker have got justice if he had 1 been obliged to stick to his last ? The Lord President instantly answered, He would have required to have 1 spent his awl." ARCHBISHOP WHATELY has remarked, It is no wonder that some English people have a taste for prosecuting on account of religion, since it is the first lesson that most are taught in their nurseries." Some- body expressed incredulity, denying that he, at least, had been taught it. "Are you sure?" replied Dr. Whately. What think you of this ?— Old Daddy Longlegs won't say his prayers, Take him by the left leg, and throw him downstairs.' If that is not, religious persecution, what is ?" A CURIOUS anecdote is told of an eminent judge, now dead. While a junior he had to speak of some questionable proceedings, and said, "Gentlemen I of the jury, the defendant had been amusing himself by flying kites." "Doing what ?" said the judge. "Flying kites, my lord; putting his name to accommodation bills." "Why are they called kites 1" "Why, my lord, there is a connection between the schoolboy's kite and the wind only there, the wind raises the kite, and here the kite raises the wind!" A CITY missionary, who was holding forth in a private circle on the sufferings of the poor in New York, and who dwelt particularly on the hardships to which washerwomen were exposed, was interrupted by a grave- looking gentleman present, who declared that he had no sympathy whatever for washerwomen, because, as a class, they were most unquestionably the cruellest portion of the human race. How so exclaimed the astonished missionary. "Because," replied the grave gentleman, they are always wringing and mangling the bosoms of men I AN ADDITIONAL GLASS.—In some of the crack up cafe saloons the following service is brought in: — Wine-glass, rummer, ice-glass, water carafe, carafon of rum, sugar-basin, cigar-glass, match-glass, and an additional glass, standing tall, with long cut barley and wheat straw. By the uninitiated the straws ¡ are mal-appropriated for pipe-lighting. The use of the I straws is to sip up the punch from the drinking-glass I without raising it from the table. No extra charge is made for straw the luxury of sucking leads to addi- tional consumption, which amply repays the landlord for the trifling outlay he does not reckon "worth a straw." A FEW weeks ago the father of a new-born In babe went to the registrar's office at Alyth to have the child's birth and name duly registered. This was done, and the name of a male child written down. Not long afterwards the mother of the child called upon the re- gistrar and stated that "the gudeman had made a mis- take." What is it ?" inquired the man of books. Jist this; ye ha'e registered a laddie insteed o' a lassie!" There was a fix But the gudewife was soon to rectify matters. "Jist score out the laddie an' put in the lassie To this the registrar could not assent, an Act of Parliament forbidding him, and in that state matters stood until the other day the parent and registrar had to appear before the sheriff and put things to rights. The sheriff expressed his amazement at the man being so stupid, but the latter very laconically replied that the bairn was thrivin' brawly in the name it had." ADULTERATION OF SNUFF.—Those who are in the habit of packing up their nasal organ what they believe to be the pulverised tobacco leaf are to have the consolation of knowing that the Inland Revenue officers are to be instructed not to challenge any snuff which has not more than 30 lbs. weight of the oxide of lime or magnesia in every 100 lbs. weight of what is sold under the name of snuff, and whether these oxides add to the delicious luxury of the flavour, or the pungency of the irritation, we cannot pretend to analyse such investi- gations had perhaps best be left to those who prefer to make themselves stucco images" by plastering up their olfactory organs with this 30 per cent. of calcined material. The compost, at all events, does not present to the imagination any very inviting temptation to use the snuff-box.