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,-----------_---------FOOTBALL…

[No title]

RHYL.!

SCENE IN AN IRISH COURT.

INDIAN VIEW OF RUSSIAN GOVERNMENT.

ARABI ON THE SOUDAN WAR.

SERIOUS CHARGE AGAINST A BAISKRCPT.

PERSECUTION OF AN ACTRESS.

[No title]

ELECTION OF COMMISSIONERS.

ST ASAPH BOARD OF GUARDIANS.

[No title]

RHYL PETIY SESSIONS.

I ST. ASAPH.

[No title]

HINrs FOR THE HOME.

[No title]

MOSTYN.

Family Notices

[No title]

WISE AND OTHERWISE. -

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WISE AND OTHERWISE. MY FIRST TOAST. It was a bright day in June upon which WIll held our great match, after which we had a dinner at the Nas's Head. My name was down on the toast list to respond to a toast given by L. Berry to "The Ladies." I was extremely nervous, but at last the time came; there WM now but one toast before "The Ladies, and I grew desperate. I nudged my next door neighbour and said, under my breath— Did you ever propose a toast ? "Yes, lots, he said gaily. You down for one? "Yes, one," I said.relieved at the off-hand disposal of the matter, a little one but-the fact ie-I never "Nothing in it, Mr. ——" Fleeman, I said, pointing to the toast list. "Nothing in it, Mr. Fleeman, I assure you. After the first sentence you can run along on your own account. The ladies—the darlings, they share our sorrows and double our joys; they-you know the verse of poetry about woman Oh, woman, in our hours of ease, Uncertain, coy, and had to please When pain and anguish wring the brow, A ministering angel thou.' Put that in somewhere." Yes, that seems very good," I said. I'll try and remember it." "Yes and wind up with something about well drink it in a bumper three times three/' "Splendid I eaid, with enthusiasm. At last L. Berry was on his legs proposing "The Ladies," which he managed very fairly, but excused his own inability in this way: "In con- elusion, pentlemen. I confess I would say much more for the 'fidies, but 1 would much rather leave the toast in the hands of our promising young member, Mr. J. Fleeman, who I feel sure will do ample justice to it." I verily believe that every eye in the room was on me, more particularly the eyes of the two waiters leaning gracefully against the wall of the Nag's H ad banqueting chamber. It was to these two I mainly directed my remarks. Clutching convulsively at the first thing on the table (and that happened to be a pair of nutcrackers) with one hand, and the toast list in the other, l began: "Ladies and gentlemen," I said, nodding alternately to the waiters, but a roar of laughter brought me to my senses, and I heard one or two say CA pit&L capital." "Mr. Chairman," I began, prolonging the opening as long as I could, I have been—at least the ladiee have been-that is to say, I rise to propose--at least to second —no, no-to respond to the toast of The Ladies. Here there was another outburst of applause, and the malevolent swell shouted "Keep it up, Fief man." "Yes," I resumed, "the ladiee—the ladies are— they are—at least they double our soirows and share eur boys, and-OJ "No, no," whispered my neighbour, amid another wild outburst of laughter. YoaVegot mixed; they double our joys and halve our sorrows." Yes, yes, they jubble our beys, and have—and have —what the deuoe have they!" I whispered to my prompter. Nothing! go on with the poetry," he 8id. It 011 woman, &c." "Yes, Mr. Gentlemen and Chairman, I was saying that the poet has truly said: Oh woman Woman what. I asked, tell me in Heaven's name what she i.! A ministering angel tbou he said. 1 •—1 Of oourse, woman is, as the poet sa^s, rentlemen. • a ministerial agent now." By this time my neighbour on the other side waa ia a state of semi-asphyxia. As I leaned down to set a fresh supply of poetry, I heard him eay to hie neighbour, Didn't I tell you so ? The funniest thS* I ever heard, and off he went again, like the rest of the company, into peals of unearthly merriment. II When pain and anguish wring the brow," eatf the prompter, "you missed that." Yes, gentlemen," I cried, flourishing the nut- kers,and glaring wildly at the two waiters, "there is one thing I forpt. I forgot to say when we wring her brow—when we wring her brow with a bumper, we drink her three times three." Of a for-bidding look—An auctioneer. An Agricultural A"ociatiozL-Whmt, barley, sod oats. Why is a loaf of bread like the am?-Bmumo it 18 light when it rises, "Of late years," says Mrs. Partington, "my .Phjt sician has taken to confounding his own physics. It is a word and a blow when the trombone run gets his order from the leader of the orchestra. "It is not good for man to be a loan," replied Mrs. Yeast, when a lady asked her to lean her hus- band as an escort for a tew minutes. Mrs. Malaprop remarked she always got up at the shrill crow of the chandelier "-but It has been afterwards inferred she meant chanticleer. Adoring masher Oh, how I with I were that book you clasp so lovingly She HJW I wish you were, so that I could shut you up My aim is always to tell the truth." "Yes," in» terrupted an acquaintance, "and you are probably the worst shot in the United Kingdom." What do our daughters need ?" asks a writer. Well, we have come to the conclusion that they need about every thine under the PI-Lw-excevt bread.

THE SUMMER BAND-QUESTION