The Welsh Coast Pioneer and Review for North Cambria

[ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. J. SOME PARTIES I HAVE KNOWN BY A PERSON OF EXPERIENCE. I WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED BY WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED BY HILDA COWHAM. I was just four when I put on my first suit and got into a cab, and was whirled off to mako my debut in the world at my first party. I remember Susie (that's my young sister) and I had spent the day being as good (?) as it was possible to be before going to a party. I'd cut some hair off Susie's head (I'm afraid it spoilt her ippearance that evening), and had stuck it on to 1*1 cut off 5usle's hair and glued It on to grandpa's toad, 'cos he's got none." -fan"e head with pa's glue, while he was j#leep, 'cos the poor man hadn't got a single bit, 2 very brave and charitable act I call it; but they," meaning my parents and the governess and nurse, didn't choose to think so. I won't tell you what happened, 'cos it's not good for one to dwell on the dark side of things. When we got to the place where the party was We had tea and things. I spilt half of mine down Say new suit, but as I'd had enough it didn't 441 didn't think it was in you, Master Jack, to eat all the cake I" II Jt isn't all in me: some's in Molly." matter. And when we'd finished and "got down," Molly, that's a girl that was there, and that I like, spied round and found a great 'nor- mous cake, which we ate, she and I. We were found out, of course, and when their nurse said to me, "I didn't think it was, in you, Master Jack, to eat all that cake I jolly soon let her know it wasn't all in me—that some was in Molly. When I was tired of blind man's buff, and musical chairs, and all that sort of thing, I found my way upstairs, and put some hairwash ilrat was in a bottle on one of the dressing-tables on my head. I like hakrwash when it is btirwash; but unfortunately this was gum, and I couldn't get my hat off when I got home that night. That's all I remember of my first party, except that I cried when they came to take me home, and that Susie had yelled. I told mother about her. It was 'cos when they played at charades they'd turned her into a mouse. 14 Not taking any more! Do let me press a little jelly on you!" The second was my own, when I was a bit older and knew my way about better. Father, who is very proud of iiiei and thinks me very clever really, but doesn't often express it in the way I should like, wanted to show me off to some ladies who were there, and he asked me this silly question: "Why, Jacky, does a hen lay an egg?" 'Cos it can't lay a carpet," says I. Father was cross 'cos they all laughed, and mother said I was very vulgar, and should be sent away to school directly the holidays were over. I, of course, felt very proud of having taken a, rise out of father, and felt myself quite a wit when I said to Doria Smith, later on in the even- ing at supper-time: "Miss Doria, do let me press a little jelly on you." She was most indignant, and oalled me an "impudent young cub." She was sitting there with her mouth open, an empty plate in front of her, and looking hungry. It was great fun, especially when Dolly rushed in to grandpa, who is nearly a hundred, and told him he must come and have his fortune told. He wasn't best pleased, as you can tell by the picture. Jack Sprat, that's a chap at our school—hia name's not really that, it's only a nick-namø-wll8 just going the round of the room admiring the pictures, when he arrived at the sideboard, and stopped and asked if we weren't going to eat all those things up. A chap ought not to do that I sort of thing with a face like his. I sat out a few dances with my partners. One of them was so funny that she made me split my sides with laughter, but I didn't feel at all pleased when she told me to run away and get a stitch in them. I don't like that sort of thing, it's a bit too smart for me. rye been trying ever since to find something to retort to her. Can any of you help me? Accidents happen even at parties sometimes. This time I was going to Molly's birthday tuck. Uncle Sam was taking me, and he's very near- sighted and can't see more than a yard in front of him. Just as the train was expected that was to carry us both off to the feast, a wretched set of trucks came along full of pigs and other wild- fowl and stopped in the station. Away flew Uncle Sam, shouting as he ran to- wards it: "Come on, Jack, here's the train." "Yours, uncle, not mine," I replied,. quite coolly and very cleverly. Then came the awful storm. The guard ex- plained to my near-sighted uncle that it was a "goods train," and full of the aforesaid beasts. Uncle was so mad. I've never seen a man look- Uncle was so mad. I've never seen a man look- ing madder, and, unfortunately for my yarn, he I "We played at seaside-s In the bathroom, tu?ned ro\;nd and took me straight home, so I never went to that party, and, of course, cannot tell you anything about it. I was not happy for the first half-hour after I got home. That's uncle's way of teaching me a lesson not to be rude to my elders-" betters," he said; but I don't agree with him. Christmas comes but once a year, and I shall never forget the Christmas Day that the twins arrived. I told nurse directly she showed them to me that I could lick 'em both with one hand, when I could get a word in edgewise. You never heard such a noise as they made in your life. I remember it so well, 'cos we weren't having Christmas at home; they were holding a party for us next door. Susie took my photo in the morning, just after Santa Claus had been. I sat there with all my toys around me, looking like a sainf, and a pair of new slippers on that I was very proud of: but she stood too close, or something, 'oos she only got my head, and all the rest of me, including my slippers and toys, were wasted. Then it was time to go in next door, and we did have a jolly time of it. We really forgot it was Christmas Day, and all went into the bath- room and turned it into "seasides," and paddled, by turning on all the taps. Then we put the baby up the chimney, to see if he oould see Santa Claus, which made their nurse very cross—it was their baby, not ours—and I put a box of crackers on the fire. We went home early, or, rather, we were sent. The very horridest, horridest party I ever went to was the one at which I was the only man. Now you'd think, after all I've told you about myself, that I was "no end of a dog with the ladies." Wait till you're the only man at a party, and see if your courage doesn't fail you. To see them all buzz around eating little hot buns, squeaking and giggling, and you, the man, being told to sit or kneel-I forget precisely which at the door, and to mew to keep the mice away, just because you'd ventured to say. that you'll like to be the baby that was to be taken au4 kissed all round. Ugh I I can't bear to think of it; besides, the greedy things ate all the nice things. I was last, so of course there was no- thing left. That's enough about that, eh? Another affair that was not very pleasant was a fancy-dress ball that I was invited to. I'd lost the invitation card, and had forgotten the date, and well, you can. guess the rest. It's no joke appearing at any house dressed as a "Red Indian," especially a week after the event. "The fortune-teller's come, grandpa. Come and have your fortune told." I remember an "At-Home" I was invited to once. It was a farewell affair for a chap who was going out to China the next day. Now, Billy Browne's big sister was there; she's married, and had brought her kid-a thing about six months old. When the chap got up to say good-bye, up oomes Billy Browne's big sister with the baby- It's a girl, by the way.; 'Now, darling, kiss the great big man!" He starts back and stammers: ''N—n—no: I'll let her do that when I come back." U I've put your seat next to mine, Miss Blenkinsop; I hope you don't mind." "Oh dear, no, Air. Tompkins; you know how little it takes to satisfy me." "And when will that be?" says Billy Browne's big sister. "In sixteen, years." Hurrah! That was good, wasn't it? I'm grown up now (eight last birthday)—think °f it!—and kids' parties are auite out of my line. I like something much less frivolous. The very last show of the sort that I patronised was a musical "At-Home," and I, being a. very polite man, went up to a late comer—a lady—and with a winning smile said to her: "I've put your seat next to mine, Miss Blenkinsop. I hope you don't mind?" "Oh, dear, no!" she said. "You know how little it takes to satisfy me, don't you?" Wasn't it rude? Well, give me a real good Rugger match- beats any party with best suit and such rot hollow. I told Susie so, the last time I went home for the long vac. but she didn't see it. Girls are like that. Imagine having your hair done up in lumps of rag all the night before- would give a man the hump to sleep in them; but « there, they have no brains, so it doesn't hurt them. Good-bye See you again, perhaps, next year.