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acts ani) JFANCTES, -----......................................................


acts ani) JFANCTES, + !-Is y°u are living beyond your station Yes, I regret to say-two miles." London has 200,000 cooks and servant-maids and only 1 policemen. What are they amongst so many? ° Cannibalism.—A little girl seeing a baby sucking said O. nasty duty baby, eats its own mother tor its tea Tramp "Can I see the lady of the house ?" Bridget No, she's engaged." Tramp: 51 That won t make any difference. I don't want ter marry her." Scotchman at the baths-" What's the price o' a bath ? Attendant—" One shilling." Scotchman- Hech, man, but that's an awfu' lot o' siller Can ye no say saxpence and put in less watter Big fhas have little fleas Ou their legs to bite 'em And little fleas have lesser fleas And so, ad infinitum An Irish soldier, on hearing that his widowed mother had been married since he quitted Ireland exclaimed Murther I hope she won't have a son cultler than me if she does, I shall lose my estate! J As the steamer was just starting from Calais, an English passenger shouted out to a French friend "Au reservoir. To this the Frenchman, with equal ignorance of any language but his own, re- sponded, "Tanks" "Mrs Salmon's get a dog that likes me," said little Emily, coming home from a visit to her aunt. How do you know he likes you?" her motherasked. 'Cause he tasted me and then wagged his tail," answered the littlo girl. W asn't that young Mr Tiff who left the house as I came in asked the judge of his eldest daughter. Yes, papa." "Did I not issue an injunction against his coming here any-more ? "Yes, papa; but he ap- pealed to a higher court and mamma reversed your decision." Call a girl a chick and she smiles call a woman a hen and she howls. Call a young woman a witch and she is pleased call an old woman a witch, and she is indignant. Call a girl a kitten and she rather likes it; call a woman a cat and she'll hate you. Queer sex, isn't it; Want a situation as errand boy, do you ? Well, can you tell me how far the moon is from the earth, eh ?" Boy Well, I don't know, but I reckon it ain't near enough to interfere with me running errands." He got the job.




Imperial flarliamcnt --..........-...............-


;ifront the gapers. -- -----…