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- The Road to Love



FUN AND FANCY. "Where were the Kings of England crown- ed?" was a question on an exa-mma-tton paper. "On their heads," wrote a boy in the space left for the answer. "Oh she cried. "Your conduct is enough to make an angel weep." "I don't see you shed- ding a tear," he retorted; gnci his reaoy wit saved the day. Teacher (to smallest boy in class): "What well-known animal supplies you with food and clothing?" Smallest Boy (after some thought): "Father." "Papa," said the darling daughter of the household, "how did you propose marriage to mamma?" "Don't ask me," answered the old man. "I can't remember a thing about it. Go and ask your mother. She managed the whole affair." Jones (to Brown, who has been relaang nis wonderful adventures in Russia.) And I sup- pose you visited the great steppes of Russia. Brown: "I shovdd rather think so. and walked I up every blessed one of them on my hands and knees." Freddy (to schoolfellow): "My how that new babv at your house cries, T ommy." Tommy I (indignantly) He doesn't; and, anyway, if you had no teeth and no hair, and your legs were so weak you couldn't stand on them, I guess you d cry, so there." The examiner wished to bring home the les- son of the fate that befel idle people. He asked, the class who were the people who got aal tney son of the fate that befel idle people. He asked, the class who were the people wno got all tney could and did nothing in return. There was silence, but at last a little girl. mindful of her home, said, -'Please, sir, it's babies" "Did you hear that the Ollenbys had sepa- rated?" "No. What's the trouble?" she wouldn't think of leaving town." "And wanted her to move to their country place, ana where are they now?" "She has gone to her mother out on the farm, and he is living with his parents in town." "Yes," remarked papa at the tea-table, "you can never judge a person's weight by his ap- pearance. For example, I don't look very heavy, do I? and yet I weigh fifteen stones." "Jeanie doesn't look very heavy, either," thoughtlessly I remarked Jeanie's young man. "and yet—that is-I mean-" Ho stopped, and Jeanie blushed. "Henry, dear," said the fond wife, "I gave you a letter to my mother to post last week." "Yes, oh, yes," said Henry, looking slightly uncomfortable. "Of course you posted it?" "Oh, certainly," replied Henry. "Well, that's funny, because I wrote her postponing her visit, and here's a letter from her saying she's coming to-morrow." Whereupon Henry wished that he had a better memory. One passenger wanted to read, but the man opposite would persist in talking as the train moved swiftly along. After several brief re- plies, the reader began to grow tired. "The grass is very green, isn't it?" said the would- be conversationalist pleasantly. "Yes," said the other. "Such a change from the blue ancf red grass we have been having lately!" And he was left severely alone. A lady whose husband had been cremateo took down the urn containing his ashes from her mantelpiece, with the intention, no doubt, of dropping a tear on his beloved remains, when she was surprised to find the vase was empty. She rang for her maid and asked her if she had thrown them out, when the girl replied: "Lor', missus! was that your husband? Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am, but I've bin and used him all up for tooth powder! Little Johnnie had been taken a round of calls by his mother, and at the house they had visited last he had made some remarkable state- ments in boasting of the grandeur of his own home. "Now, Johnnie," said his mother sternly, as they sat in the omnibus on their way home, "you should never tell fibs, and if I catch you doing it again I'll punish you very severely. Now, sit well back in the seat and draw in your legs, and try and look as small as you can when I tell the conductor you are only three." She was the most countryfied of country cousins, and as she walked along a city street in a would-be fashionable hat, brave in purple quills, tilted well at the back of her head, a very, very home-made green linen sac coat, and other articles of village attire, her appearance occa- sioned some little mirth even in that not par- ticularly fashionable quarter. "Everybody seems to know me here! They do stare so!" she remarked with the most bored air, turning to a patient elderly female who accompanied her. To MOTHEBS.—Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup has been used over fifty years by millions of mothers for their children while teething, with perfect success. It will relieve the poor sufferer immediately. It is pleasing to taste; it produces natural quiet sleep, by relieveing the child from pain, and the little cherub awakes "as bright as a button." Of all chemists, Is. lid. per bottl*.