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POET'S CORNER.

The Road to Love

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COLDS IN MAY.

FOR THE YOUNG FOLKS,

FOR MATRON AND MAID.¡

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FUN AND FANCY.I

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FUN AND FANCY. "When she hit him with a golf ball, did it knock him senseless?"— guess SQ. I under stand they are soon to marry." "Binks is weak, financially, isn't he?"—"He hasn't much money, but he gives employment to a great many men."—"Who are they?"— "Other people's bill collectors." "Can you tell me what steam asked the examiner.—"Why, sure, sir," replied Patrick, confidently, "steam is—why—er—-it's wather thot's gone crazy wid the heat." "Father," said little Rollo, "what is meant by 'a Sabbath day's am afraid, my son, that in too many cases it means twice round the golf links." "Professor," said a senior, trying to be pathetic at parting, "I am indebted to you for all I know."—"Pray don't mention such a trifle!" was the reply. Anxious Patron: "Doctor, don't you think you'd better call in some other physicians for consultation?"—Family Doctor (cheerfully): "Oh, no, not yet. There is still fome hope." Ilyker: "I attended a successful sleight-of hand performance last night."—Pyker "So?" —Hyker • "Yes. I lent a conjurer a counter- feit dollar, and he gave me back a ocd one." The Minister: "Then you don't think I practise what I preach, eh?"—The Deacon: "No, sir, I don't. You've been preachin' on the subjec' of resignation fur twa years, an' ye hi vna resigned yit." Little Boy "Mummy, dear, why can't I stay up till it gets late ?"—Mother: "That wouldn't do at all, dear. You'd wake up to in the morning."—Little Boy (thoughtfully): "Does dad go to bed very late, mummy?" Smith "Did you tell your wife you wouldn't be home till — Robinson (carelessly): "Certainly."—"You did?" — "Yes, I should think -o."—"And what did she say?"—"Well, as soon as I told her I rang off the telephone.' Mrs. Gabb: "Are you going to have your darter take music lessons ?"—Mrs. Gadd: "N -0. I guess not. She hain't no oar for music. Mrs. Gabb: "Well. I would'nt be discouraged at that: mebby she might learn to play classic, anyhow." Resident: "Looking for board, eh? Well, I know an excellent placo, kept by a regular old-fa-shioned Now England housewife."— Stranger: the fact is, I jist came from Yankeeland, a.nd jist for the novelty of the thin, I'd rather get board with folks that a.in't Yankees."—Resident: "There are plenty of that sort."—Stranger: "Yes: I saw 'em advertised. I knew they wasn't Yankees they always ended up with 'No questions asked.' An En"lis.h gentleman went to Killin for a week's ashing on Loch Tay He was very un- lucky, having got nothing for the first five days. Of course, his hotel bill and the fact that he had a boatman to pay made his fishing rather expensive. On the last day, however, ho killed a nice salmon. "Hanv.sh," said the gentleman to the boatman, "do you know that fish has cost me about £20?" (alluding to the expense).—"A weel, sir," quoth Hamish, a things are mixed wi' mercy; it's a Heaven's, blessing ye didna catch any mair." The Rev Dr.——had no sooner finished the third sent-ance of his sermon than an old gen- tleman beneath the pulpit growled "That's Sherlock!" A little later in the discourse he growled. "That's Tillotson!" Later still he grunted, yet more emphatically, "That's Blair 1" The plagiarist preacher, unable to stand this detection any longer, leaned over the pulpit and cried: "Fellow! If you do not hold rour impertinent tongue I shall have you turned out of the church for brawling! "That's his own!" commented the old gentle- man imperturbably."—"T. P.'s Weekly." A gentleman of indolent habits made a busi- ness of visiting his friends extensively. He was once cordially received by a Quaker, who treat- ed his visitor with great attention and polite- ness for several days. At last he said "My friend, I am afraid thee will never visit me again."—"Oh, yes, I shall," said the visitor; "I have enjoyed my visit much I shall certain- ly come again."—"Nav," said the Quaker. L think thee will not visit me again."—"What makes vou think I shall not come again ?' ask- ed the Visitor. "If thee does never leave." sa.:d the Quaker. "how can'st thee come again?' An excursion train started one Saturday one of the principal towns in the Midland Counties for the soene of an important football match. This train, as is sometimes the case with excursions, went very slowiv, and had numerous stoppages. After a time the excur- sionists reached a station called March, and wero brought to a stand there. While they were waiting, an official was strutting un and down the platform, calling out: "Marc.i! March A passenger who was a bit of a wag, put his head out. and said to the official: "What is it old chap?"—"March." said the official.— "Ah", well, it may be March now. but it was o;««iojjiber when we started. —

The Road to Love