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- POET'S CORNER. -

The Road to Love

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FUN AND FANCY.

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FUN AND FANCY. A child, in writing of Elijah. eaid: "As Elijah went up to Heaven he dropped his man- tle. and Queen Elizabeth walked over it." Maud: "How pretty and ,care Mabel's hair always looks."—Gertie: and it takes her two hours to make it look that way." "A Success."—"Is lie making good in his new lino of work?"—"Yes, indeed. He is already finding fault with the way his bo<« carries on the business." "Havo you heard that Jim had quit smok- "No." "Yes; you see. he is a little near-sighted, and t.he other day he emptied his pipe in a powder-barrel." "My dear friend,—I beg you to lend me ififty dollars," wrote a needy man to an ac. quaintance. "and then forget me for ever. I am not worthy to be remembered." A Kind Master.—Irish Farmer: "I'm think- ing, Pat. I'll have to b« afth";r raisin' your rint."—Irish Labourer: "Sure, 'tis a kind mas- ter ye are intoirely, for I cannot raise it meself, bedad." Judge: "Yon have not yet established the prisoner's insanity." — Attorney: "But. your honour, we mean to introduce witness^ to show that the prisoner habitually argues politics with women." Miss Boil: "You say you earn more money by your pen than vou did a year aso?"—Suitor: "I do."—Miss Bell: that?"—Suitor: "I stopped writing stories and began addressing envelopes." "'What do you think," exclaimed the theatric- al star, proudly, '"th*»y are going to name a now cigar after me." — "Well." replied the manager, "here's hoping it will draw better than you do." Mrs. Da Style: "Dear me' What a lot of society news you've got hold of—even to a full description of Miss Tiptop's Paris trous- seau Where did you hear it all?" Miss De Style: "At the symphony concert." Wife (looking up from a book) "What do you think of this? 'In the time of the Ptol- emies a wife was always given full oontrol of her husband's pronertv.—Husbaxid: "Y-e-s: but in days the fashions never changed." Director: "Our work is '10 divided that. each of our men has the work he is best fitted for. Jones is treafwirer, Smith secretary, and Brown is "—"But. Brown is as deaf as a post?"— "And Brown has all the complaints referred to him." The lady-killer was boasting of his prowess. "One girl whom I knew,' he said, "actually di?d for love of me. I was her last thought!" They eyed him malevolently. "I should t.hink," remarked one of them. "that you tniffht. be anybody's last thought!" "To-day's lesson," said the Sunday school teacher, "teaches us of the influence of kings and queens; but also that there is a higher power. Which little boy can tell us what, it is? Well, Willie, what is it?" "Aces," yelled little Willie, the boy with the big brain. The collector of objects of art and vertu was showing off his collection with much com- placency. 'This." he observed, in a hushed voice, "is a little thing I picked up in London." "Indeed?" remarked the Irreverent Friend. "Who dropped it?" "Gentlemen," announced a club waiter just before twelve o'clock, "a lady has called who won't give her name, but says her husband pro- mised to be home early this evening."—"Ex- cuse me. please!" was the simultaneous exclam- ation of the members present, all of them ris- ing at once. When he came hom, his wife met him in the hall and wanted to know what h" keeping sucn. disgraceful hours liS five o'dock in the morning.—"Five?" "am he. "why, mv love, it's just struck one."—"It's just, struck five, I tell you."—"My dear, that clook is stut- tering again." Tho honevmoon had waned, and the cup- board was bare. "Don't worry. Mabel," said the romantic husband, a* he ooened the piano: "remember music is the food of love." But, the practical little wife shook her head. "If you really think music is the food of Jove," she responded, "perhaps you'll step round and get the butcher to give you a beefsteak for a mere song." Michael met Barney with a long face and ft tear in each ey. "Have vePo heard thp sad news about Patsy?"—"Phwat's fresh wid the pore fellow, Michael?"—"Fre^h! Ah. don't ye know he's dyin'?"—"Dyin', is it? Not 00- he'll pull round, mv boy."—"He's dyin'. Bar- ney." asseverated Michacl emphatically: "the docther himself tould me, and ehure ho knows what, he's giving him "Henry, there's a burglar in the house, cried Mrs. Johnson to her hubby excitedly. "A burglar," exclaimed Henry, springing up. "I'll soon go and pottle him." He seized a poker, and went quickly downstairs. Five min- utes later he came beck. "Well." said his wife, "have yon settled him?" "No,"renl'ed the husband. "I didn't do anything to him. Poor fellow. You see, I went down quietly and caught sight of him in the kitchen helping himself to a slice of that pie you made for our Christmas dinner." "But you will telephone to the nolice stAtion ?" interrupted Mrs. John- eon. "Police station be hanged; ring up the nearest hospital."

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The Road to Love