The Pontypridd Chronicle and Workman's News

I COLUMN FOR THE YOUNG. A MONKEY FOND OF BEER. I A large number of residents in the stock- yards district of Chicago have been plunged into grief by the death of one who had ion,, contributed to their fun and enjoyment. This was a tooiikey called Jocko, who, on reaching the vcjifvsJWe age of 10, bad passed aw<f quietly and peacefully. Jocko was a South American monkey of a large breed. While very young lie was kidnapped by a band of saiiorf, brought to New Orleniis and offered for fide. Frank Bradfish, a German barber, bought him at a bargain and christened him. A few months later they travelled together to Ciiiciigo. Here Brad fish opened a barber shop on Ity-IHth street, near Wallace, and kept Jocko in a back room for the amusement of his customers. Across the street from the shop was a saloon kept by a man named Lynch. The thirst inherited from his German ancestors caused Bradfisli to make regnlar trips to the ealoon, and for safety's sake he always took Jocko along ii li him. It did not take Jocko long to learn the ropes Soon he walked proudly by his master's side, carrying the pail that held the foaming liquid, and later lie carried both pa i I Imd money, and under Bradfish's guidance bought the beer himself. One 'day when business was brisk Bradfish handed the pail and money to Jocko, and con- ducted him to the door. He paused there and Jocko seemed to grasp the situation, for he rushed across the street into the saloon and handed his pail and money to the bartender. The latter filled the pail and looked toward the door, expecting to see Bradfish follow Jocko in. But no Bradfish came, and Jocko grabbed the pail and raced back to the barber shop with it, to the huge delight of all present. This was the first of many trips. Jocko soon had a steady job rushing the can every evening for the crowd that was sure to assemble, and never wearied of the fan. Of course Jocko always got his share, and this was probably the main reo,zon for his never-ceasing willing- ness to accommodate the spectators. A PROMISING PUPIL It was at an East End School, which WItS attended by the children of the poorest inhabitants, that the following incident occurred. "Tobias," said the teacher, "conae up with your lesson. What does g-l-a-ss spell ?" Well, I knnwed once, but I forget now," replied the urchin. "What's in your mother's witi(low-saslies ? "There's eo many things as I can't remember em all, mam. There's the boss blanket in one place, brother Job's hat in another, and dad's old breeches in the hole that Ted and I made yesterday." ein I take a run out, Toby; you may go and play for a while." THAT REBELLION. He was a retired major of the th, and was naturally proud of it. His experience during the Indian' Mutiny were many, and formed the stap'eofhis conversation, not only when lie had guests, but, in the bosom of his family. As time went on his adventures grew: in importance and magnitude, and there came to be a pronounced belief among his friends that his imaginat ive powers were becoming by I no means impaired by advancing years. Most appreciative of all his listeners was his youngest, son, who night after night delighted to clamber upon his father's knee, with the never-varying request of- Papa, tell me about what you did in the war." Nor was he unwilling to tell the boy something more; and as the narratives grew in number and the parental feats, increased I in valour, the boy grew wide-eyed and proud to think of the warrior-:ike qualities of h father, until one night, when the story was I told, the child innocently -.Pked- But, daddy, coutdtrt you get anybody ta help you put down that rebellion ?" A MAN WITH A NAKED HEAD. Little Mi«s Lily has been allowed to come to the table on the occasion of her mamma's birthday, after promising that she would be very, very good. Unfortunately, she was seated opposite a gentleman who was entirely bald. After some time spent in awe-stricken contemplation of the phenomenon, she could not help remarking/to her mother in a quite audible stage-whisper: Oh, mamma, see that gentleman. His head is all naked.' THE YOUTH AND THE OLD CHEAT. A certain youth delivered a hundred deenars to an old man, and went on a j'ourney. When I he came back, he demanded his deenars. The old man made denial, and said, You did not give them to me." The youth made known < his case before the Kazee. The Kazee sent for the old man, and asked him, Did this youth deliver the money to you?" He replied, No." The Kazee said to the youth, Have I you any witness?" He answered, "No." The Kazee said to the old man, You must I take an oath." The youth fell a weeping, and said to him, He has no regard at all for an j oath he has many a time taken an oath to a ¡ lie." The Kazee said to the youth, At the time when you delivered the money to him, where were you seated?" He answered, "Under a tree." The Kazee said, "Why did j you tell me you had no witness ? The tree is t your witness. Go to that tree, and say to it, I 'The Kazee sends for thee. The old man gave a smile, and the youth said, O Kazee! I am afraid the tree will not come for your order." The Kazee said, Take my seal, and say to it, (TI)is is the seal of the Kazee.' It j will assuredly come." The youth took the Kazee's seal, and went away. After a space of time, the Kazee asked the old man, "Will that youth have arrived near the tree yet?" He answered, "No." When the youth had gone near the tree, having shown the Kazee's seal, lie said to it, The Kazee sends for thee." But he heard nothing from the tree. He came back sorrowful, and said, "I showed your seal to the tree, but it gave me no answer. The Kazee said," The tree came and having given its evidence, it went away nr, 12.11 The old man said, H 0 Kazee what speech is this ? There was no tree came here." The Kazee replied, "You say the truth—it did not come; but, at the time when I asked you, 'Has the youth arrived at the tree?' you gave for answer, He has not arrived.' If you had not got the money from him under that tree, why did you not say,' What tree is it ? I do not j. know it.' From this it becomes evident that the youth says what is true." The old man got conviction, and gave the mouey to the youth. BIG ENOUGH FOR THAT. j Scene: Glasgow Railway Station. Enter how ring masher in knickerbockers and straw hat, walking behind a glowing Havanna. City Arab Gimme a match, sir." Toff: Look here, you young imp, you ought to get whacked, smoking at your age." Imp (bolting with fingers at his nose): Weel, I'm big enough tae be oot o' knickers onywiy." j THE HEIGHT OF MAGNANIMITY. Little Nellie was one day very, very naughty, and her mamma, had been compelled to correct her severely. After pouting for a quarter of an hour, in a corner, she hsaved a deep siglr and said: "You may come and kiss me, darling mamma- I forgive you." j That was a bright answer given by a little girl in a suburban school to the question ofe j her teacher as to what people find, even in [ v-ariii countries, when tiley get to the top of a i mountain. Most p.eople find," said the child, that they are out of breath." Father (who has helped his son in lIehool work): "What did the teacher remark when you showed him the translation?" Johiuifr* « He said I was getting more stupid e

AttUBMU 8TORHBL HIGBSjfraOBABLR. ft. a small American town there lives on* man who is fond of telling thrilling tales of battle and bloodshed in which he was immedi- ately concerned during the Civil War. The valour which he represents himself as having. displayed on the field in those troublesome times was of a very high order. Well, now, there's one thing I should really like to know," said a near ueighbour of thM retired w.trrior, after forming one of a group who had listeiu'.i to a particularly incredible 1 tale of his old friend's pmwess: "I should really like to know how nwry of them grey- coated fellers Hiram did actually aiul of-a fact away with, and, as it were, kill." I don't know for certain," spoke up another neighbour, who was of a somewhat "T,t turn of mind, but it appears to me I that when you come right down to hard pan, Hiram probably killed just about as mitsy of ihem as they lid of him I THE DOUBLE-BEDDED ROOM. In the days before railways had penetrated wilds of Galloway, Mr. Lightb-niy was I bIt ling a iiiglitin a country inn. The room n;-oiled to him was a large double-bedded one. So sound y did he sleep that he was quite unaware that the neighbouring bed had I bwime occupied by another belated traveller, neither did he hear the report of a pistol shot In that quarter. Re was only aroused by affrighted servants pouring into the room and informing him, to his dismay,that his companion had committed Miicide..Rather alarmed, Mr. Lightbody's remark WH." For God's sake keep the breath u him tiii lie says 1 didna dM it." SUGGESTED AN ALTERNATIVE. A certain curate and his wife (who had never lived out of a town) had an only child who was very delicate. Country air was pre- scribed its the only means of saving its life. Viie clergyman advertised for, and obtained, a euracy in a rural district.. Having a difficulty I' in getting as much new milk as was necessary for the child, the doctor suggested they should keep a cow, telling them the name of a farmer who had one to sell. I Mr. H. and. his wife went the next day to the farm, but she asked her husband to inquire before buying the animal, how much milk it gave a day. The farmer led the way to the dairy, hut when Mrs.. H. saw two large earthen- ware bowls full of milk, ehe exclaimed: 11 Oil, John, I'm quite sure that we shall never be able to consume all that in a day- suppose instead of a cow you buy a little calf I" I A 00NSCIENTI0US HEN. Speaking about chickens, a farmer said the ether day: I "I don't want to boast, but I do think we have got the knowingest bens in the world. I have a flock all black. It is a theory of mine that black hens lay better than those of mine that black hens lay better than those of any other colour. One day I found a he* in my Mock with a few white feathers in lwr tail. I called my man and told him to catch and kill her. 'You cannot rely on the laying capabilities of a hen with white feathers,' I said. "The hen gave me a sorrowful look, but did not say a word. The next morning the man told me that he could not finder. A mouth or two later I opened a pile of potatoes I had stored in the cellar, and found big hollow space in the centre of them. There was a bunch of black feathers in the gap, with three white ones standing up in a defiant sort of way. Behind the feathers were sixty eggs. I recognised at once that it was the work of the missing hen. The sensitive creature had stowed herself away and worn herself out laying eggs to prove that the theory was a mistaken one;" NOT BABGAIFTKB A pnnd--r,ow filled up :.¡dl bora the name of Pastor's Pond, was well known in the north of England. This peculiar name origin- ated in an occurrence that took place in the early days of this century. Many divines of that time divided the long Sunday sermon into two parts, one being for the forenoon, while the other, as they said, was deferred till after intermission." Pastor's Pond refers to an unpremediat.ed "intermission." Parson Larriby had a bad habit, of putting off until to-morrow what ought to have been done to-day. Having something to do with a bottle of aqruafortix, a destructive acid, which he should have used on Saturday, but*which occasion he had deferred till Sunday, lie forgot the time, and was surprised to hear the church bell ring for the morning service. Hurriedly slipping the bottle into his buck- skin breeches pocket, he started for clrurch. In the course of his sermon, as he gesticulated, his body hit the oaken pulpit- and smash went the bottle. With hands uplifted, as he was about to close a fine sentence, he rushed down the pulpit otairs and out of the church, all the con- gregation following, thinking that the good man had gone crazy. On he dashed, until he came to a large pond a sort distance from the church. Into this he flew up to his waist, wi le the congregation stood aghast. Then he quickly explained how gaiters stood, and very soon, after getting some dry clothes, returned to the church and finished bit germon. N FLATTERING. A certain young artist has been engaged for some time paat on what lie described as the effort of his life." The picture represents a flock of terrified o,beep driven into a corner, the exuse of their uneasiness being persumably a dog, which, however, does not figure on fhe canvas. At the earnest request of the budding R.A. an old Highland shepherd called the other day for t"he purpose of seeing ,hi.¡; wouderlul pic- ture,, which was to bring fame and fortune to the artist. "Hoot, mon!" ejaculated Donald, on being brought face to face with the canvas. "What's wrang wi' the beastIAS ? Don't you see the idea ?" asked the artist. "The sheep are alarmed at the approach of their natural foe-the dog." „ An' wlveer's the dog ? Ye didna paint 'im, queried Donald. No," was the reply. "It is often advisable to leave a little to the imagination. In thie instance I've left the dog ? "It's a thoosan' pitees ye didna leave the theep ae weel," blurted out the cfv tltd Scot. That dog owt to be thank.fn' 'e's bed sich narrow escape." WARNING TO THE, FAIR A clerk ill So" dry good* su.re," Cincinnati, made an offer of marriage to a ay young widow, and was laughed at by the ia-dy. A week afterwards, he had the Wick to catch hel ?3pping a pifce of Irish linen -under her ch>ak> be poor wi l >v was then in his pov»'er, and, rather than go to- gaol, consented to go to the altar. Whether "of two evils she least," it is for married lolk* to (IeLe A A young lady was oncc n..¡:icH1 by ijer motàeJ: to be fond-ing and klviing a >fc-itteii. "Why, Mary," said the mother. ~vou kissed that kitten more in five mi notes you have n*e in five years. t>,e ".Don't you know whv I'd rather kiss kitten than you, mother ?" L 0, my H You haven't got whiskers, ON OF, ENOUGH, v. e 0yer A: I don't seft any use m getting the it, old fellow. She isn't the CBiy «"» WB :<" That's just what, I'u» Think of the chances I hove o .ng same kind of a fool 01 myself ti "Monev is tt)P ro^fc of all ^il^ that's why reiortnew !l •i^erously; they want to p* 'f "it"ii