The Pontypridd Chronicle and Workman's News

FATAL ACCIDENT AT CAERPHILLY. Last week a sad accident occurred on the Ponty- pridd, Caerphilly, and Newport Railway where; y the life of Henry Gadd, a collier, late of Macheu, was lost nnder most painful circumstances and attended by very melancholy surroundings. It appears, so tar as is at present known, that the 11U- fortunate fellow's family, consisting of four children, is afflicted with sickness, and another child lies dead and awa:ting burial. Gadd had been to Caerpbilly to fetch medicine ior his poor little ones, and on re- turning home be walked on the above line, when it is supposed that the last down passenger train from Caerphilly to Newport came upon him unawares near Wainybarra Farm knocking him down and leaving his Dody mutilated about the rails in an awful state. The deceased was a member of the Primitive Methodist denomination at. Caerphilly. Be was employed at the Rhos Llantwit Collierya Great commiseration is felt throughout the neigh- bourbood for his unhappy and extremely sad end.

LOC lL CELEBRITIES. TO THE EDITOR Sir,-Allow me to thank the writer of the sketch which is appearing in the "Chronicle" of Ieuan Ddu, and I must also congratulate the "Chronicle" on bringing out portraits of the celebrities. I quite agree with the writer when he says :—"One oi the sins of the Welsh nation is to ignore true talent and despise true genius during life, and put every obstacle in the path of progress. And although genuine, inherent mental power has succeeded in overcoming the obstruct- ions and forcing a path through the untrodden wilderness, till society is constrained to recognise the claims of an undaunted labourer to a chair in the temple of fame, even then it is often only grudgingly given. The fruit of the labours of successful pioneers is enjoyed while the pioneers themselves are consigned to oblivion." The public as a public are thankless and fickle, and I am glad that you are trying to do justice to the dead, who during their life in this district were practically unrecognised. I shall look forward to other sketches with pleasure.—I am, sir, yours truly. IOLO.

NOTES ON PASSING EVENTS. THE PARNELLITES DETERMINED TO FIGHT. We expressed the hope last week that the animosities and dissensions which followed upon the rupture of the Irish Nationalist party would all be buried with Mr P^rnell's remains at Glasnevin, but it is evident from what transpired on Tuesday at the National League in Dublin that the Parnellites mean to show fight. Numerically they are an insig- nificant minority but drawing erroneous conclusions from the great demonstration of enthusiasm at Mr Parnell's funeral they have become inflated with the assumption that they-and they alone-are the authorised representatives of Irish opinion. The Parnellites who attended the National League meeting on Tuesday decided by resolution to reject overtures of reconcilia- tion made to them from the other side. This is sad news for the friends of Ireland. inasmuch as it is imperative if Irish Home Rule is to become an accomplished fact, that the Irish people should return a strong united body of representatives. It is sincerely to be hoped that wiser counsels will prevail among the Parnellite ranks, and that their present attitude will only be of a temporary character. If, however, they persist in the desperate course they are now pursuing, there is a danger that they will do irreparable injury to the cause of Ireland which Mr Gladstone and his followers have for years been so heroically championing. THE RAILWAY COLLISION AT PONTYPRIDD. Colonel Rich's report to the Board of Trade upon the circumstances attending the recent railway collision at Pontypridd, has been presented, and will no doubt be read with a great deal of interest by the public of Pontypridd and the neighbourhood. That portion of it bearing upon "The cause of the accident" will be found in another column. Colonel Rich attributes the accident to the signalling of "Line clear" by the signalman at the Pontypridd, Caerphilly and Newport Junction cabin to the signalman at the Pontypridd Junction cabin, before the coaches standing on the down line in the station had been removed.He then goes on to blimethe signalmen for not b a vingtakeo proper precautions, and the engine driver and fire- man for not keeping a proper look-out. In concluding his report the Inspector recom- mends "that the code of block signalling be altered so that the signals for a single engine and for a passenger train should be distinct." If this recommendation is carried out the chances of future accidents at Pontypridd railway station will be consider- ably minimised. THE SLIDING-SCALE. Just when the prospects of the future continuance of the sliding-scale seemed gloomiest there has come a rift in the clouds. Notice to terminate the agreement had been given by the masters some mouths ago and since then no meeting of the Sliding-Scale Committee had been called, the result being that precious months, in which negotiations for an amicable settlement might have been carried on, have been lost. Indeed it seemed highly probable that the Sliding- Scale would pass quietly out of existence altogether, as the men were determined not to take action in the matter, unless the masters invited them to. Now, we are glad to understand, arrangements are being made for the summoning of a meeting of the committee, and we sincerely hope that the forthcoming deliberations will end in the preservation of a system" which has done so much in the past to protect the interests of the South Wales Coal Trade, and those interested in its prosperity. THE""FUTURE OF THE CONGREGATIONAL MINISTRY IN WALES. In vacating the chair of the East Glam- organ Welsh Congregational Association, hich he so honourably occupied during the past, year, the Rev. W. I. Morris, Ponty- pridd, delivered a thoughtful address on The future of the Congregational Ministry in Wales." The reverend gentleman ex- pressed himself confident that, despite ttn altered ciicumstancep, the pulpit would still continue to retain its hold on the attention of the Welsh people, and that in the future the ministry would be as power- ful and as pure as in the past. The only danger he apprehended arose from the desire of thj Uhurchei in England to secure Welsh preachers. Should this continue, they in Wales couli not but suffer greatly for, as a rule, it was their most promising young men who were tempted to leave the Principality for the Congregational Churches of England. He apprehended no danger whatever from secessions to the church. He urged the churches to exercise great care in raising young men for the pulpit, and advised that as a denomination they should prepare for a mere thorough training of their ministers in future, considering the fast changing condition of the Principality. YES, HOW ? A Tory paper in Wales, says "Truth,' announces that October 25th is to he ob served as a Church Defence Sunday in Pontypridd. "Special sermons," it is stated, "will be preached in the various churches throughout the parish, and the offertory will be for the Church Defence Institution." I do not see any reason why Church people should not subscribe money for the defence of the Church, but there is something singularly incongruous in de- voting offertories to what is essentially a political fund for a political object. There are within the Church of England staunch Liberals who loyally accept the policy of Disestablishment. How are these to offer their "alms and oblations" if these are to be devoted to purposes of which they dis- approve? And what would Tory critics say if Nonconformists were to hold collections in their places of worsbip for the purpose of furthering the canseof Disestablishment? If this would be irreligious, a "Church Defence" offertory must be equally so.

CHIT CHAT. October has been true to its traditions and we have during the past few weeks been treated to a I succession of 6torma which makes one have a sort of uncomfortable idea that the weather rlerk has gone on the spree and has left the water taps turned on The flood in the Rhondda river on Monday was larger than it has been for five years past and the water overflowing its banks in many places did considerable damage ta house property. At Treforest the flood reached suoh a height as to graze the bridge spanning the stream. The continous floods in the river have suoceeded in seriously interfering with the sewerage works in progress at Ynysyngbarad. 0 I am glad to learn that efforts are being made to resuscitate the Pontypridd Ratepayers' Associ- ation and I understand that all obstacles in the way of a successful revival of the organisation which did so much good work during the period of its existence have been removed. When the Association again settles down to work it will find plenty to do and ic is to be h >ped that here- after no dissension will arise to arrest its useful career. The movement inaugurated by the Pontypridd Local Board with the object of inducing the Birry Dock and Railway Company has had a successful issue. At the last meeting of the Company it was decided that arrangements should be made for the compliftnoe with the Board's memorial. To Mr D. Leyshon, the chairman of the Local Board, I believe, is due the credit for initiating the move. ment and it is extremely satisfactory to know that the determined stand taken by the Board has had the desired effect. The! opening of passenger traffic on the Barry Railway will be found a great convenience to the travelling public I who will be saved the trouble of changing at Cardiff and again on the Penarth line and will also be able to get to their destination more quickly. The country through which the railway runs is endowed with great natural beauty, and the journey from Pontypridd to Cadoxton and Barry by the new route will be found extremely pleasant. It is rumoured (and I believe the rumour has a substantial foundation) that negotia ions are psndiug for the removal of the Taff Vale Railway station to a site somewhere above its present position. ARIEL. _I

TifE RECOVERY OF INCOME-TAX. The Chancellor of the Exchequer writes as follows, through ona of his secretaries, in answer to a letter respecting the law relating to income tax I am directed by the Chancellor of the Exchequer to reply to your letter of the 18th inst.. and to acquaint you that collectors of taxes are not required by law to deliver demand notes, but merely to make demand fjr taxes assessed. It however, a demand note is given in full, details of the charge must be given in full when payment is made. Taxes are payable on demand on the 1st January in each year, and the collector having made oce personal application for payment with- out effect, may distrain immediately and without further notice for the amount.

TREORKY. PRESENTATION TO A POLICE SERGEANT.—A larg e nnmber oi the inhabitants of Rudry, near Caer- philly, have presented Sergeant Brewn, who was recently promoted from that place to Treorky.jand his wife with a magnificent ornamental marble time- piece and an illuminated address as a token o the high esteem in which they were held during their residence of ten years in that district.

SUMMER DRINK, SUMMER DRINK.—Mason's Lewis and Hagon Fluid Herbs, 6d bottle for 4 £ d., Is H bottles for 10:d. Lime Juice Cordial, Is per bottle L'ateraons unfermented Fruit Wines, Is per bottle A. Harris,' 75, Taff Street, Pontypridd

Bassinettes machines by the best makers, cash or easy terms. Henry Thomas, Sewing Machine Depot 62, Taff-street, Pontypridd. BUTTER, BUTTER, BUTTER —Two consignments weekly of New Grass Fancy Bntter, direct from reliable Dairies, and some of the finest the world produces, which never fails to please.—Harris's Stores, 75, Taff-street, Pontypridd. FENNELL'S for Sardines, Salmon, and Lobster also 1 inned Fruits. Pare potted Cream — A Speciality. COLLIEKS' ARMS HOTEL.—Proprietress, Miss Gwendoline Williams. First Class Ordinary every Wednesday. THE NATIONAL EISTEDDFOD 1891.-0u the 17th November, a public meeting will be held at the Town Hall, for the purpose of inaugurating matters inconnection with the National Eisteddfod for 1891. Hi, Honour Judge Gwilym Williams will preside, and it is expected that the M.P's., and leading gentlemen of the neighbourhood will be present. During the evening the Philharmonic Society will sing two choruses under the baton of "CFAradog." ST. DAVID'S PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH -The mem- bers of St. Divid's Church and their pastor (the Rev W. Henry) are arraging for a huge bazaar in order to reduce the heavy debt still remaining on the building. THE DEATH ON THE COMMON.On Saturday, Mr E.1 B. Reeo", coroner, held an inquest at the Farmers' Arms public-house, Norton Bridge, on I the body of an old man Edward Roberts, 66 years of age, 19 Graigalva-road, Treforest, who was found dead on the Common the previous day.—Dr Jenkins gave evidence, and a verdict of "Death from natural causes" was returned. WOMEN'S LIBERAL ASSOCIATION.-The first of a series of entertainments in connection with the Pontypridd Women's Liberal Association was given on Thursday evening at St. David's Hall, under the presideuoy of Miss Maud Roberts, T-iff Vale house. There was a orowded attendance, and the following programme was gone through:- Address by the president; Song, "Never again," Miss Mills; Recitation, "The Curfew," Miss Ethel Rowlands; Pianoforte Solo, Miss Arnott; S ng, "She wandered down" Miss Pollie Rowland Recitation, Miss Roberts; Song, Miss John; Reading, ''Innocents abroid" Miss Evans; Song, L'be Better Land" Miss Mills Recitation, "The Eatenswill Election Miss Ethel Rowland; Read- ing, "Scenes from Midsummer Night's Dream." Miss Alice Evans, the energetic hon. sec., also delivered an address. The first of a series of six meetings in connection with the Women's Liberal Association, will be held at the Town Hall, on Tuesday, November 10th, at 8 o'clock, and will be addressed by a member of the Executive Committee of the Women's Lileral Fjderation. THE DAMAGE TO GAS LAMPS.—The Pontypridd Gas Company have issued notices offering a reward for the detection of any person or persons damaging the gas lamps of the district or interfering with the lighting. We trust the notices will have the effect either of preventing damage and interference in the future or the punishment of offenders. PERFECT THRIFT SOCIETY. — A perfect thirft society will shortly be established in the Pontypridd District. CONSERVATIVE MEETING.—On Tuesday evening a public meeting was held under the auspices of the East Glamorgan Conservative Association for the purpose of hearing an address from Mr T. C. Mackinnon of the National Union. Mr L. G. Lenox presided, and there was a sparse attendance. Mr Mackinnou in the course of his remarks eulogised the legislative success of the present Government; attempted to jastify the existence of the House of Lords, defended the Established Church, and roundly condemned the Home Rule movement, At the close the chairman moved a vote of confidence in Lord Salisbury's Government, and a vote of thai k; to the lecturer. This was seconded by Mr Davies, a young man from Aberdare, and carried unanimously. It is intended to hold similar meetings at intervals throughout the winter months. PEOPLE'S PARK.—We understand that Mr A. C. Beere, secretary, Pontypridd, has arranged a three mile bicycle contest for £20 at the Park on Saturday next, between the well-known professionals E. Morgan, Pontygwaith, and H. Richards, Treharris. The race is expected to exciting, and a good gate is anticipated. REPRESENTATION OF EAST GLAMORGAN.—A special meeting of the East Glamorgan Conservative Association will be held at Merthyr Tydvil on Fri- I day evening next, in order to discuss the advisability of inviting a certain gentleman, whose name has not been disclosed, to contest the seat at the next general I election. ANNIVERSARY SERVICES.—On Sunday last the anniversary services were held at Pwllgwaen Primitive Methodist Chapel, when three sermons were preached by Mr J. Howells, Cardiff. On Monday the annual tea was held and at 7.30 p m., the same eveing a lecture was delivered by Mr G. Stephens, Ystrad, on "5 P's and 5 D's." To THE LADIES OF T'ONTYPRIDD AND DISTRICT. -Mr J. E. Brooks begs to call the attention of the above that he has engaged a ladies' hand for the winter season when all kinds of ladies hair- dressing and hair work will be executed at ordin- ary charges, 4 High-street, Pontypridd. BANKRUPTCY COURT.-At the Bankruptoy-court on Tuesday, before Mr E. E. Spickett, registrar. John Harries, ironmonger, Williamstown, Ystrad, Kbondda, appeared for bis public examination. Examined by Mr Daniel, debtor said that his lia- bilities were jEl.439, and assetB, JE646 14s 2d. He bad bought the business from hi." predecessor at a valuation. The only books he had kept were a ledger, a day book, and an invoice book. He hi(i kept no account of the cash he had received day by day, nor or his cash payments. He had been trading 18 months. The Official Receiver ques- tioned the debtor as to how he bid lost all that money belonging to his creditors within so short a period.-Debtor said he bad no explanation to give.-The Official Receiver: How is it possible for you to account for it ? Nobody knows what you have rcoeived. Debtor said he paid into the bank all the money be had received. His ba.nk book would show.-The examination was ad. journed for the production of debtor's bank book. —Mr Collins, of Bristol, the trustee, appeared on bihalf of the committee of inspection. FOOTBALL;—The match which was to have been played at Morriston between the Maritime and the Morriston clubs will take pi ice at Pontypridd instead. The Maritime secretary has reoeivtd a letter intimating that the grounds of the tinplaters are flooded. A TEMPERANCE CHOIR.— Good Templary is gradually making itself known in the town, ani we may expeot soon to hear a public performanoa by the "Templars' Alliance Cboir." The choir which is just been formed is composed entirely of members of the order, and comprises many of the rising vjoalists of the town; whilst the appointed conductor is a gent eman whose musical ahility is well known both in. and outside Pontypridd musical circles. The Lodge membership is now largq, and rapidly increasing, so that before long we expeot to see » choir which for membership as well as ability will bold its own in the local com- petitions. Preparations are being made to proceed at cnce with several glees and choruses, and by the time the voices are properly arranged, it is the intention of the party to go in for nnore classical pieces for eistedafodio competition.

PONTYPKIDD POLICE COURT. WEDNESDAY.—Before the Stipendiary (Mr. J. Ignatius Williams), Mr T. P. Jenkins, Mr D. W. Davies, Mr Godfrey Clark, Mr Evan John and Dr Davies. LETTING OFF FIREWORKS.—Reee Williams, David Davies, John Edward Jones, James Handcock, Richard Oliver, William Nasb, and Hugh Roberts were summoned by P.C. Evan@, Cilfynydd, charged with firing squibs and other explosives in Richard Street, Cilfynydd, on Saturday night last. When the policeman went up to them they ran away. The boys varied in age from 10 to 13 years. The boy Davies was one of the wickedest boys in the township. Richard Oliver was fined 10s, Nash 5s, Handcock turned Queen's witness and was discharged, the remainder being each fined 2s 6d. DRUNKARDS.—P.C. Reeves summoned William Jonep, Norton Bridge, for being drunk and riotous on the 12th inst.—Fined 10s. A SHEBEEN CAsE.-Sasannah Nidlitt, Ponty- pridd, was charged with selling beer without a iicense on the 14th of September. The case had boen beard twice over, and the particulars have already been roported. No farther evidence being forthcoming, the detendant was fined £ 3, includ- B 90 !ts. OVERCROWDING A BRAKE.—For oarrying too many persons in a one horse brake, Joseph Weeks, Pont- ypridd, was summoned by P.C. Jones. Toe de- fendant had nine passengers and he was only licensed t. carry five. He was fined 10a, includ- ing costs. A NUISANCE.-P.C. Jones charged Chas. Marsh with causing an obstruction in High Street, Pont- ypridd. It seems that the defendant was a chipped potato monger and had a donkey and cart, and there were a large number of people about. Defendant was fined 10s. PERSONATING TRAVELLERS -P.S. Lewis (141) summoned Samuel Morgan, Penygraig, for being on licensed premises on Sunday, the 4th instant. The constable viaited the Maltster's Arms and found the defendant drinking thereat. He was fined 15s.—Joseph Martin, Mardy, was also charged with the same offence by the same officer. The defendant was at the Cottage Inn, Treforest, on the 4th inst., and gave the policeman i false address. He also wao finett 15s.-P.C. Stacev charged Joseph Morgan with being at the New Inn, Rbydfelen, on the 4th inst. He had slept the might previously aboat half a mile from t e pablio house. Fined 15s.—The same constable also otiarged William Robbin with beicg in the same house on the same day. P.C. Mallett (303) said he saw the def indant at Gyfeillon about twu o'clock the same day. Gyfeillon was only abont two miles away. Defendant said be had come from Ferndale, where he lived, and he was dis- miosed. AI UNJUST SCALE.—Thomas Thomas, Llantwit Vardr), was sammoned by Superintendent Jones for using an unjust scale. The one pound weight was three ounces short, and he was selling turnips. He was ordered to pay the costs, 10s 6d, and the scale to be destroyed. A DRUNKEN WOMAN.-For being drunk and dis- orderly on Monday evening last, Jane Simmonds was finecL^Os. HUSBAND AND WIFE AT PONTYPRIDD. — Annie Anderson charged Frank Anderson with assault- ing her. On Monday evening they went together to the theatre- Afterwards they had a quarrel about a shirt which the defendant bought. When they went home he again abused her. During the last seven years they had lived very happily together. The Bench advised the pair to make it up and imposed a small fine of 10s. AIDING AND ABETTING PROSTITUTION IN THE STREET.-David Evans was charged with being in company with a prostitute off Gelliwastad Road on Monday evening last. The woman wes sen- tenced on Monday last to seven days' imprison- ment and the defendant was fined 40s,or in defanlt one month's imprisonment.

THE EIGHT HOUKS' QUESTION. The New South Wales Government have met with a severe rebuff in the Legislative Assembly. A motion was brought forward that the Government Bill to regulate coal mining and amend the mining law should be referred back to the committee in order that the eight hours' provision should be eliminated. The Government propoaed that the debate should be postponed, but this was rejected by 49 against 41 votes. On the motion of Sir Henry Parkes, the Premier, the House adjourned, It is understood that the Cabinet will tender their resignation.

CORRESPONDENCE, The Editor is not responsible for the opinions of his Correspondents. Every communication must be accompanied by the name and address of the writer -not necessarily for publication, but as a guaran- tee of good faith. We cannot undertake to return rejected communications. No communication can be inserted if a duplicate is furnished to any other paper. THE WOMEN'S LIBERAL ASSOCIATION. TO THE EDITOR. Sir, I had intended a few weeks ago asking throvgh your columns, when the Pontypridd Women's Liberal Association intended entering upon their winter session, but I am pleased to find that the liberal ladies of the town, are stir- ing already. I am an old liberal and have the interests of the great Liberal Party at heart, and it is because I think those interests would be furthered by the assistance of the fair sex, that I hail with,pleasure the formation of the Pontypridd Women's Liberal Association. I hope they will be encouraged to persevere, aud I feel sure they will render valuable work in combatting the influence brought to bear upon the electors by the local Primrose Leagues. The association, I am I' glad to see is in the right hands,with MissRoberts ) aff Vale b ouse, and Miss Alice Evans at the helm, will weather all storms, and render great aid in the forth coming political struggle.—Yours aithfully, AN OLD LIBERAL.

LIBERALS BE UP DOING! TO THE ETLTOB. I Sir,-I am told that our Conservative friends in Pontypridd, are organising a series of public meetings, to be held during the winter months, which will be addressed by Conservative lecturers for the propogation of Conservative principles. As the general election is approaching it is well for the Liberals to be up and doing, and not allow themselves to be surprised by any flank move- ment on the part of their opponents.-I am etc., WATCHFUL.

YNYSYBWL. YNYSYBWL DEBATING SOCIETY.-The first meet- ing of the above society took place last Tuesday night at abernaele Vestry, when the Rev W. B. Jones, Noddfa, was elected president for the year, and the following gentlemen vice-presidents J. Williams (Eryr Glan Gwawr), Kees Llewelyn, J. Howels, and Alderman Jones. The meetings will be held every fortnight, at the English Wesleyan Chapel. Mr Davies, the cashier, acts as secretary. NODDFA WELSH BAPTIST.—The second meeting of the Bible Class and Literary Society of the above Church WuS held last Friday night, when an able paper was read by Mr Wm. Howells A free discussion followed by Mr John Williams, Trefnfab, J. Thomas, Thos. Rees, Wm. Saundeis of the Pontypridd Academy. The president fcr the session is the pastor of the Church, vice- president, Mr H. James (Trefnfab). JERUSALEM METHODIST CHAPKL.—The anniver- sary Services of the above Church were held on Saturday, Sunday and Monday, when sermons were preached by the Revs G. Rees, Cefn, Merthyr W. Jones (Goleufryn) Holyhead L. Lewi Llwynpia and W. Henry, St. David's, Pontypridd. TREFOREST, ANNIVERSARY SERVICES.—Oo Sunday and Nor. day the anniversary services were held at Libanutl B,iptiat ohapel, when the Revs D. Uavies, Portb E W. Davies, Ton, Ystrad, J. B. Jones, Ponty- pridd. and S. G. Bowen, Pentre, officiated. The meetings were well attended. It is hoped that the powerful sermons preached will be attended with div;ne blessing and promote the success of the church. YSTRAD. A NEW POST OFFICE.—The postal and telegraphic staff and all tbe electric appliances have been removed from the grocery establishment of Mr Skyrme, Pentre, where the postal business had been carried on for the past twenty years, to adjoining premises, wheie a number of offices have been cou. structed for postal purposes only. The telegraphie and postal business are under the capable manage- ment of Mr Williams, a gentleman of considerable experience, and who has occupied a similar capacity for the last tea years. GWAELODYGARTH. DYNION OD (ECCENTRIC MEN).—A lecture was delivered on the auove subject at Silem Biptist Chapel, Gwaelodygarth, by the Rev. E. Gurnos Jones, Ll.D. The chair was occupied by H. L)wil, Esq., Ty nant.

WISE AND OTHERWISE. Rich music-A million-air. The butcher who trusts loses flesh. True to the last—A well-made shoe. Well-known facts—Women's secrets. A novel industry-writing romances. A model building-The patent office. Nobody's child—The self-made man. Good musicians are note-worthy men. Men who hate long sentences-Criminals. The most useful thing in the long run-Breath. The bump of destructiveness-A railway collision. Runaway horses generally leave some trace behind. A very unsatisfactory sort of bread.-The roll of fame. Pain will frequently transform a child into a groan person. It takes two to make a bargain; but,only one of them gets it. "All's well that ends well," as the man said when he fell into one. A hen is a very superior creature, but she never could lay a corner-stone. Many members of our feeble aristocracy are pre* served in Cannes during the winter. "Go to the ant, thou sluggard," is very good ad. vice, but most of them go to their uncle. Beware of how you get into legal difficulty with tailor. Remember he is just the man to press a suit. "My son, define ambition." "Well, it's always feeling that you want to do something that you know you can't." A. "What do you think of that for a fish story?" Q. "You should get it patented." A. s "Why?" Q. "It is such a marvellous invention." Judge: "Why did you steal this man's gold watch ? Hardened prisoner: I wanted to have a good time." Judge: "You shall. Three years. Call the next case." I Country cousin (on the underground railway)? "Guard!" Guard: "Yes, sir." C. C. "Will you oblige me by going upstairs and getting me a class of air." Jack Tar: "We ain't so very fur from land, Jim There's been a yacht along here lately." Jim: 'How do you know?" Jack Tarr "See all them champagne corks." The landless man who used to say that he was sure of six feet of earth one day, was lost in mid- ocean. It is never safe to be sure of anything that lia-fn't come to pass. Schamburg (to Jacobs): "You vas a liar and a schoundrel): Dou you hear dQti?" Jacobs (to Scham. burg: "I hear you already und I dinks you vas talk. ing to yourself." On hearing a clergyman remark that "the world was full of change," Mrs. Partington said she could hardly bring her mind to believe it, so little found its way into her pocket. Englishman: "Pat, could you guess this conun. .ii-um -Why was Joseph put into the pit ? Pat (who goes to the theatre): "Och, shure, there was no room for him in the family circle." Amateur artist: "I should like to present the last. picture I painted to some charitable institu. tion now, which would you recommend ? Cruel lady friend: "The Blind Asylum." "I want to see the head of the firm," said the ommercial traveller, as he began unpacking his (ombs. "It's a bald one," the assistant told him; and he sorrowfully departed. Prisoner at the bar (to magistrate): "Your wor. ship, would vou mind hurrying up my case a little? It's almost 12 o'clock, and if I've got to go to jail t'd like to get there in time for dinner." Hawkins always speaks so tenderly of his mother* in-law." It's a pleasure to hear him refer to her as an an«rel.' Do you suppose he means it ? Oh, yes. She's been dead seven years." A modern philosopher, taking the motion of the earth on its axis at 17 miles a second, says that if you take off your hat in the street to bow to a friend, you go 17 miles bareheaded without taking cold. "Henderson has no sentiment," said Marie, 'Don't you think he has?" "No. I refused ta marry him, and he hasn't plunged madly into dia" git)ation, or done anything to shew that he is a olighted being." It is stated that a lecturer argued so powerfully «.t Manchester against the use of tobacco that > -veral of his audience went home and burned their :igars—holding one end of them in their mouths. Do you think I can see through you ? said an irafe old gentleman to the burly man in front of tiim. "You ought to be able to, sir," returned the other, good-naturedly; "I've a pain in my hack." A clergyman who had been invited to preach at a prison somewhat spoiled the effect of his discourse ov his absent-mindedness. He said, as he closed his sermon: "The collection will now be taken up." Proposing in these days.—Bashful young man: 'Ahem, Kittie—ahem—" Kittie (encouragingly): 'Well, George?" B. Y. M. "Kittie, do you s'pose four mamma would be willin' to be my mother-in- law ?!- MissScadds (to the minister'): "Mr. Wilkins and r ire going on a ramble. Will you join us ? Rev. Mr. Thirdly (who caught only the last sentence): 'With pleasure. Do you wish the ceremony per- formed in a church ? He: "Now, Alice, dear, I must make a confes- sion. My family is not as perfect as I should like it—I have several very unpleasant aunts and uncles and cousins." She: "Hush, Tom. don't say a word -so have 1, and a mother, too Johnnv (looking at lightning-rod on barn): "I'd like to know why it branches out into two parts after it gets upon the roof." Jimmy (with supreme contempt for the other's ignorance): "To catch the forked lightning, of course!" THE HEART TEACHER. "Oh, teacher mine," she murmured low, "How much from thee I've known; You taught the pupils of my eyes To look on thee alone." Mr. Riter: Confound this paper. It has pub- lished one of my articles without giving me credit." Mrs. Riter: "Well, dear, that is only what you must expect. Both the butcher and tity) errocer have refused to dye you any more credit."