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A BOUNCING BRIDE.
A BOUNCING BRIDE. There was a wedding the other night in a cottage On Benton street, and about 11 o'clock a number *of boys got together to give the newly-married Couple a serenade. They had horns and tin pans -and various other musical instruments, and had just turned up when the groom came to the door and said "Boys, don't! This 'ere noise disturbs us." A clod of earth hit him below. the belt, and he retired for a few minutes. When he reappeared he announced: "Now, then, this 'ere has got to stop or some- thing will happen." What will it be ? inquired a voice. "My wife'll come out and bounce the crowd." He retired again as chunks of dirt began to rat- tle around his ears, but in a short time the door waa thrown open and the bride jumped out with a <!ub in her hand. She was all' business from the start, and more Chan one serenader got a sound "whack before lie distanced her. In five minutes ahe had scattered the crowd over ten acres, and the husband stood in the door and shouted "Go in, Mary! I knew you fellers would hear something drop if you kept on."
[No title]
Smith, the American poet Laureate, writes thus of a cattle show: -As with men, so it is with cattle. They may be, and possibly are, lovely and beauti- ful in their lives; but iu their death they are di- vided. An Indian sla.lejm<iu is indignant at the Govern- ment for taking the tax off of pinners which we idailet use, aId kc puig it on whisky which we do." An Iowa paper mentions the accidental shooting eta. doctor all I a. lawyer, and has "strong fears of their recovery." A Yankee politician, in speaking of a contem- porary. says all he wants is a. fair chance, and he 'Will make the meanest man in Connecticut. A Chicago girl who wears number eights has been converted by reading a tract entitled, How beauti- ful are the Feet of the Righteous." A Yankee editor, referring to airtight coffins, says, "No person having once tried one of these coffins .0 ever use any other." A Yankee bttchetcr editor Inserts marriages un4qr MdancholT accidents.r j
AMERICAN STOKIES.
AMERICAN STOKIES. HOW A DETECTIVE GOT LEFT. "Did I ever consult a clairvoyant for informa- lion ? repeated a detective yesterday as he flushed up and looked foolish over the question. "Come, answer." Well, once upon a time I did, and I don't mind telling you that I made a fool of my self—not by consulting her. but by refusing to heed her in. formation. This statement probably astonishes .you, and I will therefore explain. Do you remem- ber when Preston's bank was robbed? Yes—a good many years ago." "So it waa, and I had been detailed on the detective service about a fortnight. Naturally I wanted to make a strike. My wife realized it, and she put me up to see a clairvoyant. I thought it a •illy thing to do, and one night I slipped off like a Criminal and dodged into the office of a leading female astrologist and planked down a dollar. I l>adn't the faintest hope of securing any informa- tion of value, and therefore her very first words were ft stunner. She said: "'You are looking for criminals, and I will JleJp you to capture three of them this very might 1* 'If you please,'I modestly replied. "'At 11 o'clock to-night,' she continued, 'men Vill set out to rob a bank. They are now consult- ing in a room above it. They have all their tools in the room and they have placed blankets to the "Windows to hide their light. If you go at once and -4?et help you can capture them.' But where is it? Let me see. The building is rather old. It Ms on a corner. A stairway leads up from a side fitreet. Street cars pass the door. It is a mile or taore from this house.' "I questioned her for ten minutes, but she could «ive me no closer information. For a time I ''■thought there might be something in it, but after pigetting outdoors 1 kicked myself for an idiot. I .-knew all the hanks in town, hut I could think of "Only one which bore this description. Suppose I started out to prove her words trUl) ? I should be "Obliged to summon help, and what would any sane •Aian reply when I told him that my information Came from a clairvoyant? I went down to head- quarters, found everything quiet, and went home And called my wife a noddle-head and crept off to bed. Next morning, as I went down town, the bank was in possession of the police. A hole had been cut through the floor of the room over the vault, the brick of the vault roof removed, and the robbers iiad descended and made their haul, departing some time before daylight. You can't ima gine my feel- ings, no matter I-ow hard you try. I had been Wmdled at both ends of the route."
EXPECTED ON THE TRAIN.
EXPECTED ON THE TRAIN. If you are standing round a railroad depot about the time some train is expected in you needn't look twice to identify the man who is down there to welcome his wife. She has been away three weeks but the time seems like three months to him. H. Was never so glad in his life as at the thought that ahe is rolling towards him as fast as steam can travel. There was such a man at the foot of Brush Street Station. He expected his wife on the Michigan Southern train. He rushed up and down to see if the train was on time. Then lie rushed out and engaged a hack. Then he promenaded up and down and wiped his brow, and he was still at it when a man who had been across the road to wet his whistle with old rum came slouching back and inquired: "Expecting someone, eh?" "Yes, sir." "Wife, probably? Yes." c. Bin away long ? "Over two weeks." "Coining on this train? "Yes." *• Wall, I dunno," continued the man as he rubbed Jais back against the ticket window shelf. "I Wouldn't be too enthusiastic about it. Wimen are mighty onsartin. I've had two of 'em run away from me. Is your wife any hand to make scquaint- aRees while travelling? No, sir 1" "Couldn't be induced to elope? "Sir! Do you intend to insul t me? Gosh no. I wouldn't insult nobody nor no- thing. Could your wife be carried away by good /Woks and lots of money? "If you wasn't an old man I'd thump you for ■^your impudence I exclaimed the husband as he grew >*ed all over. You would! Well, I won't talk to you. If ^roar wife coir.es in on the train, all right; if she •wesn'* you needn't blame me." He went into the sitting-room, and presen tly the train came iu. The husband dodged about as if he 'Was walking on glass, and the passengers came out one by one until the coaches were empty. There was no wife. It was ten minutes before the husband -could give up, and when he did and started out 4loors the old man lounged out and said n 1 told him! I've lost two wimen just that way, and I knew what I was talking about!
HOW UE GAINED HIS POINT.
HOW UE GAINED HIS POINT. Jane wanted to go to the circus and John wanted to go to the theatre. "We can go to the theatre any time," she said, "but the circus is here for only a week and we have Not always the chance of going to it." "Wett, as you like," said John, "but allow mtf -to say this—1 will not be responsible for the conse *|uei»ces.n What consequences ? asked Jane in surprise. 4 These consequences," answered John, gravely: ces.ppose one of the lions should break out of his age wliile we are there, it's all over with you-" •• All over with me ee Certainly. The lions ain't blind, are they? "N—no—but what has that got to do with me? u Just this: If you look to me to be sweet enough to eat, ho*? will you look to a ragin,g, roaring, hungry lion ? He will tliiuk you a delicious morsel and you are gone." "But, John, there will be other girls there besides me." "Iknow it, but you will be the sweetest one there." "Very well, John dear; I think we'd better go to the theatre."
Advertising
GEORGE'S COUGH BALSAM. For the cure of Coughs, Colds, Asthma, Hoarseness, Wheezing, In- fluenza, Spitting of Blood, Consump- tion, Bronchitis. Whooping Cough, Difficulty of Breathing, and all Affec- tions of the Chest and Lungs. W Extraordinary Cure of a Congb of Six Years' standing, declared before a Commissioner to Administer Oaths in the Supreme Court of Judicature, England. I HENRY JAMES GAMMAGE, of J 116 & 117, Widemarsh-street, in the City of Hereford, Contractor and Decorator, do solemnly and sin- cerely declare as follows 1 About eight years ago 1 had a severe attack of rheumatic fever, from which, when I bad recovered, I had a bad cough, and the medical man who attended me, who is one of the Visit- ing f. urgeons to the Hereford Infirm- ary, informed me that I never could be thoroughly cured from it. 2 From that time until about two years ago I have suffered more or less from the same cough, which at times was worse than at others. I especially was affected by it in the mornings when I got up, when sometimes I coughed until I was almost suffocated, and I thought I should be stifled. 3 During those years I consulted several medical men, from following whose advice f obtained no relief, and I have taken various patent medicines with the same result, and I bad given up all hope of alleviating the cough. 4 About two years ago I was recom. mended by a friend to buy a bottle of George's Cough Balsam, And although I had no faith in its proving efficacious, I gave way to my friend's importunities, and purchased a bottle. 5 From the First Bottle of George's Cough Balsam I took I felt greatly relieved, and I bought another bottle, which I took, and which effectually cured my cough, and since that time I had no return of the coueh. 6 If I find I have taken cold I take a dose of the Balsam as a preventative, and I am now, and have been since I took George's Cough Balsam o- As free from Cough as I ever was in my life. And I make this solemn declaration conscientiously believing the same to be,true, and by virtue of the provi- sions of an Aot rnhdo and passed in the fifth and sixth years of the reign of his late Majesty King William IV, inti- tuled "An Act to repeal an Act of the present Session of Parliament, inti- toled an Act for the more effectual Abolition of Oaths and Affirmations taken and made in various depart- ments of the State, and to substitute Declarations in lien thereof, and for the more entire suppression of volun- tary and extrajudicial Oaths and Affir. mations, and to make other provisions for the abolition of unnecessary Oaths." Taken and declared at 16, Bedford. row, in the County of Middlesex, this 9th day of October, 1880, before me, C. Locke Mules, a Commissioner to Administer Oaths in the Supreme Court of Judicature. Hy. Smith GAMMAGE. Mr B. A. GEORGE.-Dear Sir-Please send me three gross of Cough Balsam at once, as I shall be quite out in a few days. The sale during the pre- sent winter has been the greatest I have yet had, as many ns thirty bottles having been purchased at my shop in a day. This has been caused entirely by the recommendation of those who have tested its efficacy. I am, dear sir, yours faithfully, Philip RALPH, High Town, Hereford, January 17, 1886. CAUTION. The Public are particularly reqnf sred to onserve that. tbe words "lJEO HoG E'S COUGH BALSAM" are stamped OIl each Bottle. None Genuine without. The "COUGH BALSAM" will be fonnd peculiarly serviceable for RE. LIKVINU ALL PAINS, from what- ever causing arising, such as TOOTH- ACHE, KAR-ACHE, PAIN IN THE CHEST OR BOWELS, DIARRHCEA, &c., &c. Sold in Bottles, at 111 t and 2f9 eaob, by most Chemists and Medicine Ven- dors in the World. B. A. GEORGE, Medical HALL, PENTRE, PONTYPRIDD? Glamorganshire. GEORGE'S COUGH BALSAM. "Dear Sir.—Your Balsam should be made extensively known, for as a remedy for a cold it is. I believe, ur- rivalled. Yours, &o., Mobien, Western Mail Office, Pontypridd, August 30th, 1878."—The above valuable prepara- tion excels everything yet introduced for the relief and cure of all wffectiong ef the chest and longs. NOTF.One Jose relieves, a few doses cu..e.-Sold by all chemists, Iill and 2/9 per bottle. Proprietor, B. A. GEORGE, riMedical Hall, Pentre, Pontypridd. HOME, SWEET HOME The sweetest houses in this town are tho e where Hudsoi.'s Extract of Soap id in daily use. DON'T YOU KNOW? That Hudson's Extract of Soap is R pure Dry Soap, in fine powder, readily soluble in all waters-Hard, Soft, Cold, or Bot. Hudson's Extract of Soap is used for all washing, Cleansing, and Scouring, with grvat advantage, Saving Time, Labour, and Money, rertor-TDing Cleansing Work in the most thorough mar.rer Try n Penny Packet, and YOU WILL KNOW Ct-alkr's Patent SitN Lotion is particularly recommended iVr cleansing Sores, Wounda, and curing all foetid discharges. It quickly removes inflammation, and instantaneously allays all irrita- Nation from Sores, Eczema, and all other Skin diseases. Sold everywhere in bottles at Is. lid. eaoh, or by Parcels Post by The LINCOLN and MID- LAND COUNTIES DRUG COMPANY, Lincoln, for Stamps. I A TRIP 10 LArtiOlff hht. BEY A A" & !J I COMPANY THE CARDIFF COMPi.KTM HOUSE FURNISHERS. Ten doors from Castle Entrance, OUKE STREET. CARDIFF, Have at their various establishments OTe¡' 18,000 square f*et of SHOW ROOMS •rammed with every description of House- hold Furniture, Feeders, Fire Irons, Cutlery, Lamps, Hardware, Dinner, Tea, and Toilet Sets, Door Mats, Mattings, Floor Cloths, Linoleums, Carpets of every description, iillpuff and Feather Beds, Spring and Mili- Uff Mattresses, Iron and Wood Bedsteatls over 1,500 Bedsteads always in stock), I hesta of Drawers, Wardrobes, Cheffioniers, A mcrican Organs, Harmoniums, Pianofortes, Ac., Sec., which tht-ir immense amount of bnsiness enables them to offer at Prices that will astound you. @ I All Goods are Delivered FREE by Road or Carriage Paid by Rail, Aad in addition to this, Each Purchaser of not less than FIVE POUNDS' WORTH OF GOODS, Resident within Twenty-five miles of either oi BEVAN and COMPANY'S places ot business, GET THEIR TRAIN FARE PAID TO-AND-FRO. i Seven J Reasons Why fe Tou sheuld purchase youi HOUSEHOLD FURNITURE It AT BEVAN & COMPANY^ WHOLESALE AND RETAIL Furnishing Warehouses, Duke-street, Cardiff. I.-Because they have at their various Ea- tablishments over 18,000 square feet of Show Rooms, crammed with the Largesf Stock of Household Furniture, without one single exception, in Monmouthshire or South Wales. 2.—Because this immense stock gives you the largest possible selection, and enables you to procure, at the same warehouse, every article, you require for Furnishing your house, from a Tea-spoon to a Grand Pianoforte. 3.-Becallse BEVAN & Co.'s very large cash purchases enable them to buy much cheaper than other firms, so that they can often SELL at the same price that other traders have to GIVE for goods. 4.—Because their long experience in the trade is used for the advantage of their numerous customers, by obtaining such croods only as will give entire satisfaction 5.—Because you will get the goods you pur- chase delivered free by road, or carriage paid by rail. -Aft 6.-Because, if it is not convenient for you to pay cash down when you buy, easy terms of payment will be arranged to suit you. -i 0 i 7 —Because, not- only will you get thorough good articlefc, at lowest possible prices delivered free, bntif you buy five Pouuds Worth of Goods, and reside within 2-> mifes of either of B&VAX & Uo. § Ksrab- lishments, they will .PAY YOU R. rL u a!^ FARE TO-AND-FRO. A TRiP TO ^AROIFF FBEf HAVE YOU SEEN Th6 SPLENDID THIRTY-GUINEA PIAHOFORT ■ IVith Iron Frame, brass rest plank, fn compass, full trichord, three pedals, trna." ind plinth, in handsome Walnut Cases usually sold at about Forty-five Guineas Each of these beautiful instruments WARRANTED for 5 YEARS! Commoner Pianofortes, in Walnut Cases from zCl2 10s. HARMONIUMS CHEAPER THAN ANY OTHER HOUSE IN SOUTH WALES. Iron Bedsteads, 4/6 Paliasses, 6/6 Largest sized Brass Foot Bedsteads, 42/ Wani- robes, with plate glass doors, 45/ hand- somely upholstered Figured Velvet Drawii tr- Room Suites, consisting of Couch, T Wf) easy chairs, and six small chairs, all sprint' seated, finished with gold cord and golu braid, ONLY Z6 10s. These suites tti- often Sold by other firms AT OVER DOUBLE THE PRICE! Marble Top Inlaid Walnut Sideboards, willi Silvered Plate Glass back and door6, X3 10 Solid Mahogany Loo Tables, 16/11; real Rosewood Timepieces, ^warranted good, 2/0 Cheste of Drawers, 17/6; the Guinea Kasv Chair, at Half-price, 10/6. All other good equally cheap. Then Buy your Furniture of Sefan & Company THE CARDIFF FURNISHERS, Ten door!! from Castle Entrance, 21, DUKE STREET, CARDIFF. O MY HEAD! MY HEAD! Why should people suffer when Hughes's Blood Pills at once remive the pains. They act directly upon the liver and stomach and nerves, so that head- acbesofall kinds at once give way to them. One of the greatest blessings ever came to the knowledge of human beings. Sold everywhere at is. lid, 2s. 9d., and 48. 6d. Ask your chemist for them. SHROPSHIRE, ON THEBORDERS OF WALES. TO LET, from Michaelmas or Ladyday next, in L one or three takes, Three well cultivated FARMS, with exoellent BUILDINGS attached. Tbey are 211, 91, and 178 Aores in extent, are now and for (ine years past in the hands of the owner, who will let to a good tenant at low rental and upon liberal terms. Apply to the Owner, Richard Davies, Admaston House, Bristol-roftd, Edgbnsfcon, Birm ngham. IMPORTANT NOTICE. All Changes in Advertisements SHOULD BE SENT IN BY WEDNESDAY TO SECURE INSERTION. All News should also be sent in by Wednesday night. S00KSI BOOKS! BOOKS; BOOKBINDING, > BOOKSINDIXfS, BOOKBIKDIPQ « £ ATIiT AND OBttSbT Bdif AT B. DAVIES'" CHOECU srai Floras no M, kill gram, PONTYPBIDl*. PRINTING neatly and I promptly at tbe II- legiciucal bu ft= win PONTYPRIDD. 1 "I if C £ 7902 P06T1S8 ev all Bhm, m Oira, ¥** L u Mob* 0«Leus, go %m DavW Prating Werks, Si ti Mill Street, Fomr pridd. Handbills An circulars hw Trad* ud Otkera, in large or (mail swKaWn sly a eheaplydcM at Davise SMoa Prating Works, 29 A 24, Mill Street, Pomf Fridd. "CHROHICLE" STEM PBIHTI86 »0MS DUX, XHVOICI, MEMORANDUM AM- SOT: D HXABINQS, promptly and tMtefrdl* et Daviae Steam Printing Work*, 2a & vt. Kill Street, Pontypridd. Bankruptcy forms, Notices of Cvwiiur Meetings, and ail kinds of Solicitor' prisux; ezeomted at Davies' Steam Priaiiug WO"KII, t A M, Mill Street, Poutypridd. <$> UOTIONBaU' BILLS, ,ud f.(s. JL eanooneeiBecta at I)R7ie> Ktmcj Works, 28 & H, Pm; I: •>. SALUD 2/9 SALUD 2/9 SAbDO 2/9 UKINAETDISEASES. The NEW ahd PAIiATABtill Remedy. A certain and epeedy cure. Highly approved of by th. Medical Faculty. Efteotive where other drugt fail. See testimonials (English and Foreign) with each bottle. Of all Chentetv an4 Wholesale M SALUD Co., LD., BtYAtz OtaK nxa, IiorooK, ILOa ¡' f i DAVID OULJI, Grocer and Proiision Dealir AND GENERAL DRAPEB, KILL STREET, PONTYPRIDD Prime Veld: Batters, od lest Ine Cced Bun always h Sect MILLINERY. DRESS & MANTLE IlIIKG BY EXPERIENCED HANDS DONE ON THE PREMISES. Tailoring in all its Branches by Practical and Thorough Experienced Hands AGENT ftrr MeesrB. CURTIS Sr HARvErs CELEBRATED BLASTING POtfT. A SPLENDID SHOW OF Confectionery, Chocolate, Biscuits, AND FANCY GOODS AT J. OOOMBES, Market Street, Pontypridd. TRY OUR CAKE, IT IS THE BEST AND CHEAPEST. ORDER OF R. RICHARDS, PONTYPRIDD, The Famous Ross Ales BREWED BY THE ALTON COURT BREWERY CO. In 9,18, and 36 Gallon Casks, At 1/. 1/2, and 1/4 per Gallon BASS & CO/S Burton Ales AND Guinness' Stouts IN BOTTLES. -:X:- DELIVERED FREE. RICHARDS' TWO SHILLING TEA, AND NEW SEASON JAMS ARE UNSURPASSED. 'I I A Trial Order is respectfully solicited. 48, Taff-street; Hong Kong, High- street; and Ale & Porter Stores, Morgan-street, PONTYPRIDD. ESTABLISHED 1839. THO S. E. LEWIS, ¡ (LATE THOMAS LEWIS), Wholesale and Retail Manufacturer of Boots, Shoes, & Leggings. Agent for the Celebrated ANHYDROUS WATERPROOF "K" BOOTS ,AND OTH44 SPECIALITIES. LADIES, GETOIMSTS, & CSlLPffl'S DRESS BOOTS & SHOES. Men s Nailed Boots from 33 lid., -X)jt-Ijight Laced from lld-» Do. Spring Sides from 4s lid, Do. Oxford's from 43 l td. Women's Nailed Boot3 from 3s 6d, Dj. Light Laced, from 4s 6d, Do. Spring Sides from 2s 6cJ. Children's Boots from 6d. A Large Assortment of Lewis's Hand-sawn and Rivetted Boots always in Stock. All kinds of Repairs executed with despatch by experienced Workmen kept on the premises. Note the Address- TAFF STREET, r: ,}, H PONTYPKIDD. THE "CHRONICLE" Is the Largest & Best Advertising Medium in the District. Its Circulation is more than double any other Newspaper pub- lished in the locality. eJ PRINTING! PRINTING!! Of every description, plain and coloured, executed with cheapness and promptitude, at the Office of this Paper. r "6 COMPARE OUR PRICES WITH ANY OTHER HOUSE Printed ahd Pnbiiahed by B. Davies, 28 and 24, Mill-street,|Pdaiyyr>dd, in the County of Glamorgan, Friday, Aognsfc 13th, 1886.