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—————.————— Hush money—The price of a family cradle Why is a hotel ghost like an officer of police ? Be Mute it's an inn spectre. No other living thing can go so slow as a boy or ID errand. "Full up inside" was the only reply the police could get out of the tipsy 'bus conductor. When is a fishmonger like a rope-dancer ?—When he gets his living by his eels. A handsome thing in ladies' hose.-A neat little *001. The teakettle is said to be the only singer which I lever gets a cold. What is that which, by losing an eye has only a fcose left ?-A noise. Men who travel barefooted round a newly-carpet- ad bedroom often find themselves on the wrong tack. An observing man has discovered a similarity be- tween a young ladies' seminary and a sugar house, is botli refine what is already sweet. What is the difference between a tenant and the ion of a widow ? The tenant has to pay rents, but the son of a widow lias not two parents. An inebriate walking along the street regarded the moon with sovereign contempt. "You needn't feel so proud," he said "you are full only once a month, and I am every night." A man who was arrested for chopping his son in two was defended by his lawyer on the ground that it was not a crime for a man to part his heir in the middle. There are some things we cannot account for by timple rule of three. For instance, the compass has 32 points yet a pair of eompasses has only two. Second Husband to Wife :—Are you as fond of me as you were of your first husband, dear ?—Wife Yes, indeed and if you were to die, John, I would be just as fond of my third. I'm not a woman to marry for anything but love: Everything in nature indulges in amusement. The lightning plays, the wind whistles, the thunder rolls, the snow flies, the waves leap, and the fields smile. Even the buds shoot, and the rivers run. i HOW DREAMS COME TRUfc. .e slipped a piece of wedding-cake Under the pillow upon her bed, "I wonder what I shall dream about ? v With a happy sigh to herself she said: "I wonder if ever a dream comes true? 0, busy thoughts, will you fly away— Mine never did that ever I knew* But that's no sign they won't some day. "I hope 'twill be nice," with a pretty pout And a little toss of a golden head, Then she blew the winking candle out, And said her prayers and went to bed. I never shall dream if I lie awake"— O, waking dreams, ye are there, no dOttflK But the last thought fades into dreamland's te "I wonder—-whom—I shall-dream about?: • • -t • • • u What did you dream in the canny spell Of the wedding cake? a fond voice saidt "I—don't remember." 0, red, red rose I What have you done that you hang your Two little hands in a strong, firm hold. U Then may I tell my dream to you ? A whisper, a shy voice, half afraid- Isn't it funny how dreams come true? HIT PLUMB-CENTER. sewing-machine agent, having one of his m. chines on a light waggon behind the seat, was about leaving the hotel in an Indiana village the Qthei day, when a piano and organ man drove up. The two men seemed to have met before. "Which way now? asked the sewing-machine man. I was going to drive out to old Chump's." No use: he won't buy anything. I've been there two days." Did you claim to have known his father twenty years ago ? "Yes, and his mother, too." Praise his wife and children? 'Clear to the skies." .1 Speak of the esteem in which the neighbours held him ? Of course." Un* Did you say he ought to be super- visor? "Yes." Wc-li we.'J! and he wouldn't buy ? iNo. sir. Said he'd shoot the very next agent who entered his yard." Say, you wait here for two hours. I'll drive out and sell him a four hundred dollar piano, or pay your hotel bill." He was gone about two hours, and when he re- turned his sample piano was gone, and he had old Chump's note of hand. How on earth did you manage it ? exclaimed the astonished sewing-machine man. Fasy enough. You didn't go high enough." "How? Why, you confidently informed him that he ought to be made a County Supervisor. I went two or three points better, and agreed to see him nomi- nated for the legislature." AN INSULTING NEGRO. Two negroes, one of whom had formerly worked for an Episcopal family, met in the street. Helloa, wliar yer holdin' fofe ? Libin* down in de country now," replied the Episcopal negro. How's times down dar ? 1M ain't rusliin'. How's da up heah t- Oh* da ain't run erway wid nobody yit. Whut fer doin' up heah, nohow ? Knockin' roun' er leetle, seein' ef dar's any discussion gwine on." Wall, dar ain't none at de present. De Gubner .n' de Seckertary o' State is outen town an' I ain't been stirrin' erbout much o' lately. How's church matters down in de country ? Peart. llo%v's da up lietli ? Sorter slow." Mighty fine wid us. I'se er big man in de church now." Oh, go on." "Yes, I is, fur er fack. I'se er Cannon in de church," said the Episcopal negro. 44 Er whut? Er Cannon." Yer doan tell me? "Yes, I does." "Er Cannon ? Yas." Now, look here, Sam, I knows yer an' I bet yer ain't no mo' den er pistol in dat church. Er haw, flaw. I bet yer ain't er fire-cracker." A SATISFACTORY TRANSLATION. The Dublin Jlail recently published the follow- ing communication from a correspondent:—I en- close a copy of an inscription in mediaeval Latin from a stone discovered during the excavations now proceeding on Cork Hill, near which stood a church dedicated to a saint and missionary known to the chroniclers by the name of Uncatu Ambulans. The inscription is as follows I 'SABILLI-HCEIIES' AGO 'FORTIBUS ES tS. ARO NOSCES 'MARI 'THEBE cTRUX. V 0 T 1'4 'INS EM PES 'AN DUX*" Upon this the Friedman's Journal observes that, though not vcrsell in antiquarian lore, it offers a translation which may suit all purposes. Here it is :— I say. Billy, here's a go, Forty tmsses in a row, No, says Mary, they be trucks. What is in 'em? Peas and Ducks."

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