Welsh Newspapers
Search 15 million Welsh newspaper articles
9 articles on this Page
LITERARY EXTRACTS.
LITERARY EXTRACTS. TIIE DARKEST STAIN UPON NAPOLEON'S CHARACTER. —The Due d'Enghien, an inoffensive princelet, was living at Eltenheim, a few miles from Strasbourg, but in the territory of Baden, where he gave up his days to sport. At midnight on March 15, 1804, he was seized by a party of dragoons and hurried to Paris. Five days latsr he was arraigned before a military commission in the Fort Vincennes, found guilty on his own admission of having borne arms against the Republic, and then shot, out of hand. Great efforts have been made to absolve Napoleon from the guilt of this atrocious murder, which he planned entirely himself. It has been pretended that the Duke was mistaken for a mysterious person, the much-looked-for Prince who never came to Paria, whose description was accurately known, and was entirely different from the victim's, while it was clearly shown on another occasion to be Pichegru himself. Savary, the chief agent in the affair, said afterwards that the First Consul was horrified at the haste displayed, and declared that the sen- tence of the Court should have been suspended until the prisoner had been interrogated by a judge. Even if they ever imposed on the credulous, no such subterfuges can be accepted now. There was no accident or confusion, no hurry or mistake in the tragedy of Vincennes. Everything had been deliberately and minutely pre- pared in advance—selection of the gaoler, a confi- dential person, no other than Harel, who had betrayed the Corsican conspiracy in 1800; the sub- stitution of a military for the ordinary civil tribunal, of devoted soldiers blindly obeying their mandate to convict after no proper form of trial, the approval of the death sentence, which was signed in ad- vance on a blank sheet. The very grave in the moat was already dug when the hapless youth passed the gates of the fortress. Napo- leon's apologists declare that he was greatly grieved and agitated when this cowardly crime was being perpetrated. Meneval describes the family party at Malmaison. and the gloom that overshadowed all-Josephine with moist eyes, the suite whispering privately together in a distant gallery. Bonaparte silent and absorbed, vainly seeking to read a book Others say that he roamed alone through the woods for hours, terribly depressed and disturbed. Thiers. in his history, declares that during the week he hardly did any business or dictated a single letter. Yet this at least is an error, for an examination of his corre- spondence shows he dictated 27 big, voluminous, and minute despatches between March 15 and the 23rd nd on the 20th, the very day he was most distressed he sent off seven. So little was he really affected that he wrote his brother Joseph, I cannot repent of my decision. This was the only means I had -of leaving no doubt as to my intentions, and oi annihilating the hopes of the partisans of the Bour- bons. I shall never be tranquil on thf throne while the Bourbons exist, and this Bourbon is one the less. If whr t I have done were still, to be done, I would do it again, and if I had a favourable opportunity I would get rid of the rest.' All Europe was shocked by this murder, the infamy of which still remains as the darkest stain upon the character of Napoleon. If the crime passed uncriti- eised at home it was because public opinion could find no voice in France, gagged by the new despotism.—English Illustrated Magazine. How TO WRITE STonips.-An English novelist was asked by a young aspirant for literary honours whether there was any special course of training re- quired for success in fiction. Hie reply was an emphatic "No." "Nearly all our living story- writers," he said, were educated for other profes- sions or trades. Thomas Hardy was an architect before he was a novelist, and Hall Caine started in the same way. Anthony Hope was a barrister; R. D. Blackmore was a solicitor, and F. Anstey was called to the bar." He went on with the list and named Sir Walter Besant, Dr. Conan Doyle, William Black, J. M. Barrie, Rider Haggard, and Rudyard Kipling, all of whom began life without any thought of becoming novelists. We are jacks.of-all-trades; he said, "although we are all writing novels now. There can be no technical school for novelists," he continued. Those who succeed in fiction have generally failed in some other calling. Literature has come as an afterthought after they have dreamed their dreams and have come to know something of real life." Another anxious inquirer who had written three or four stories without finding a publisher, went in despair to a successful novelist and asked for advice. "I have re- written my stories," he said, until I am weary and heart-sick, and each fresh manuscript is returned with thanks. How can I learn the art?" The novelist had a kind heart and gave him a useful hint. "Depend upon it," he said, that there is something wrong in your method. Lock up your manuscripts for a while and study some good models. Find out how some of the masters of fiction produce their effects, how they manage their plots and dialogue and how they convey vivid impressions of character. When yon have learned some of the secrets of their art, take the best one of your unpublished stories and condense it into six magazine pages." That was not a suggestion which the author of four unsuccess- ful novels was prepared to welcome, but it was good advice. He had begun his work on too large a scale. He was trying to paint on alarge canvas before he had learned how to sketch. He needed to be reminded that fiction is an art to be studied from good models and learned in detail. Foralthough itistruethat there isno school for novelists, as there is for lawyers, doctors, or engineers, there is a literary method to be acquired, and there are artistic processes to be mastered. The early career of nearly every successful novelist is a record of failures, by which he is trained for higher and better work. His own library is his technical school. GIYE free play to a man's love of literature, and you will kindle his brain and make it brighter, and more active. The man whose brain is stimulated and made active by contact with great poets and great thinkers is not the worse but the better mechanic. If people would only remember that what they really work with is not their hands, but their brains, they would not imagine that time spent on cultivating the brain and giving it power and flexibility is time thrown away. but would see that it is time most (usefully de- voted. Spectator. TIIE POACHER'S Doc,For accomplishments—of a nefarious character—this brindled, lithe,fierce, crafty creature can give points to the best bred, best trained dog that ever rivalled his performances at shows and in the field trials. The least signal, imperceptible to other eyes, is enough for him—nay, he often needs none at all. For instance, his surly proprietor not seldom accompanies a higgler of particularly shady character in his light cart,, drawn by a clever pony, as it speeds with little noise through various lanes running between fields and woods where game if abundant. On these occasions, if anybody heaves in eight and especially a rural policeman, the dog slinks back from under the cart, pretends he has no connection whatever with it, and writhes, weazle- like, through a gap in the hedge, running along and keeping up with the cart inside it until the lane is solitary again. If there be no gap and the hedge is impervious, he gets into the ditch and strikes back at a wolf-like gallop till he is a long distance off. appearing to be an ownerless dog which has lost its bearings, and does not belong to anybody. The gamekeeper he deems hostis humani generis,' and evades him with splendid dexterity and a low snarl of hate. But when he is employed at night in furthering his owner's schemes, he shows an amoupt of cleverness which, to borrow from conventional copy-book morality, were well devoted to a better cause. Along the field a few yards from the copse (not on a shiny night "-that is a popular mistake, founded, like others, on a popular song-but on a -cloudy and starlit one), the net has been pitched. Beyond this the hares and rabbits are feeding far out in the luxuriant dewy grass. Behind this, with a stout bludgeon—sometimes alone oftener with a comrade—is the dog's proprietor. The dog himself, crouched low, awaits a wave of the hand. That being given, he slinks out of the field like a cat, tops the gate, runs along the road, and re-enters the field at the further end, getting as noiselessly as possible through the hedge, or, if it be low, jumping it like a greyhound. He gallops along the boundary hedge at measured pace, not uttering a sound--he knows better than to make such a mistake—and, making a wide circuit, drives all the feeding rodents at a wild scamper towards the net, and at the proper distance, which experience, not to say kicks have taught him, drops couchant like a well-bred setter, and so remains till a low whistle signals him. Meanwhile, the hares and rabbits rush headlong into the nets-provided the former have not been netted before, for they are far more wary in this respect than rabbits—and a succession of thuds with an occasional aunt-aunt from a hare, shows that the poachers arc dexterously killing their spoil. The hare which criis, by the way, is the animal which of all others they hate, just as the bird which they re- gard with the same feeling is the lapwing, lightest of feathered sleepers, and, awaking with its constant a pee-wit" when any intruder, human or animal, disturbs its repose. Now and again a hare or rabbit does not run, but remains couchant and within reach of the dog. He gives one savage bite with his iron jaws, and noiselessly squeezes the life out of the prey, ind when things are quiet brings it up to his master, always by a devious course. The net is rolled up and hidden in some bramble covered ditch, the rabbits are put in a sack and either carried off or hidden, like the net, to be fetched next day-by the wife-when the coast is clear. This depends on the possible proximity of the gamekeeper or policeman. In any case the dog does not joii his master, but IDeake home by himself.-—(xlob*, „ .j- i. — THE PI;USF.U'S NERVE.—It was a cosy room, with antique hangings and furniture and walls hung with handsome works of art which oould be only indis- tinctly seen by the light of the flickering fire on the hearth.' The little party agreed with the beautiful hostess that the room was just dark enough for a ghost story. I don't know a ghost story," said one of the men, "but the dramatic rescue of the Veen- dam's passengers by the St. Louis reminds me of my experience on board the old Gallia, when she was caught in a hurricane in midwinter about seven hun- dred miles from Queenstown. The waves broke in our decks and Hooded the cabins, and nobody thought for a little while that anyone on board the vessel would ever see land again. There was no panic, no shouting, no weeping, and it seemed that all were Perfectly prepared to go, though they looked far from appy iloundering about in the water dressed in such garments as they could grasp when they were aroused from their sleep by the crash which sent tons of water into the ship. It was about seven o'clock in the morning, the stewards had begun to set the table for breakfast, and, as I recall the picture, I can see men and women, most of them with heavy wraps over their nightdresses, standing on the table and dancing a forced minuet between the guard railsand the dishes. At one end of the cabin, while others were silently praying, stood a young fellow with nothing on but a suit of blue and white pajamas, holding a snap camera in front of him. If you folks'll hold still a minute,' he said, we'll have a picture of this if we ever get out of it,' and for a moment people forgot the terrible situation, and I have always believed that one of the women adjusted her water-soaked gown so that she might look well in the picture taken under the shadow of the destroying angel. Well, we got through it all right, although we came to Liverpool in a sadly battered condition, and when they hoisted the trunks from the hold the water ¡ ran out of them as though each piece were a sieve. We had service on board the ship the Sunday following our disaster, and although two days had passed since we thought we were gone, we seemed to appreciate fully what had happened. Men and women who had shown sign of fear now moped in corners with trembling lips, unable to speak because of the lump in their throats, and the service of song was a flat failure, because no one could sing any more than the young woman at the organ could get a note out of that water-soaked, dripping piece of furniture. We reached Liverpool too late at night to leave the ship, and the men, who had become better acquainted than they would have been on a less tempestuous voyage, gathered in the saloon, and for the hundredth time exchanged congratulations. This was nothing,' said our purser, to the experience I once had—and not so long ago. To go down with all hands must be hard enough, but to be the only one of a wholeshipful to go, and to see all the rest saved—that's pretty hard. That came near being my case, and I don't want another similar experience. I was an officer on the Ohio when she knocked a hole in her bottom, and I helped transfer the passengers and save what we could. When all had been sent to the ship which came to our relief we made ready for the last boat- load, of which I was to be one. We had a lot of money and valuables in the ship's safe, and I went below, took a tablecloth from the cabin table and into this [dumped the contents of the various compart- ments of the safe. I made a bag of it, carried it on deck, and when I came to where the boat should have been I found that it had gone, and I, with the treasure, was left in the rapidly sinking ship. I can think of any number of situations which I would have preferred to mine just then. The wind being against me, I could not make myself heard. I put up signals, and no one would ever guess what I did then. I wanted to keep my wits abont me and block all chances for nervousness, so I did what requires a man's full attention-began to shave; and I doubt whether I ever did a cleaner or a better job. By the time I had finished, my companions must have missed me, for I could see them returning, and when they came alongside there were not many inches to step I down from the sinking big boat to the little thing that took us away. I tell you this story to show how necessary it is to have nerve on board ship. And did he tell it for a true story ?" asked the hostess. He swore to every detail." Then he did have nerve."—New York Tribune. STIBMAKNFE CABLES.—The laying of the first Atlantic cable was the initial of a supreme effort to unite the family of nations. It was costly, and in a commer- cial sense, up to a certain date, a failure, but as a triumph of engineering science it marked an epoch in international communication. Other cables had somewhat of a dismal beginning, but enterprise did not stop at disasters, nor did the engineer halt at what, after all, was but temporary obstruction. The good work continued, and has reached such massive proportions that a navy of 41 telegraph ships, fully equipped and manned, is distributed over the oceans of the world, representing a gross tonnage of 60,000 tons. The manufacture of cables represents huge investments of capital and an army of workers. Great Britain has so far led the way in this modern industry, and was for a time as supreme atthc bottom as at the top of the sea. The honours are now being divided by France, Italy, and Germany. Manufac- I ture is no longer an exclusive monopoly. New cables will continue to be laid, and as time, corrosion, accidents, submarine convulsions, and the encroachments of marine shell-fish and monsters cause breakages and loss, the supervision of repairs will be a permanent occupation both to experts and seamen. The follow- ing table shows the mileage and number of cablea now in use: Cables under 5 miles in length «* 761 Exceoding 5 miles and under 50 223 Exceeding 50 miles and under 100 65 Exceeding 100 miles and under 500. 155 Exceeding 500 miles and under 1000 64 Exceeding 1000 miles and under 2000 29 Exceeding 2000 miles and under 8 Total 1305 The expenditure of money in the laying and manu- facture of these submarine lines has been roughlv estimated at 200,000,OOOdols. These are hig figures, but they will be larger as the network of wire spreads on ocean bottoins.-Tlie Age of Steel. CLOUD BELTS.—Anyone who has made a voyage beyond the equator will, no doubt, retain a good recollection of a day or so of disagreeable, oppressive, damp weather, when moisture seemed to be exuding from all sides, just as if one had come out of a dense Scotch mist, and everything was coated with a thick film of moisture, which trickled down in great beads. The journey through the watery-laden atmo- sphere and almost constant rain, is really a passage through the equatorial cloud belt which girdles the planet on which we happen to be located and although we may admire Jupiter with his many cloud belts as seen through a telescope, yet we feel thankful for the invention of steamships, which enable us to leave behind as quickly as possible the most marked cloud-belt appended to our earth, rather than be becalmed in these doldrums," where ships have been known to drift listlessly about for whole weeks. The general appearance of the sky in this" rainy sea," as it, has been called, in a steamy haze—sometimes growing into uniform gloom, with or without heavy rain, at other times gathering into small ill-defined patches of soft cumulus. After dark there is always a great development of sheet lightning till about two in the morning. Besides this equatorial cloud belt, however, there are two other rings encircling the earth, where rain falls perhaps more incessantly even tLnn in the equatorial belt itself, though by no means in such large quan- tities. These latter belts occur near latitude 6Udeg. in both hemispheres and perhaps more of us have passed through these than that of the equatorial belt, especially to one crossing the Shetlands and South Norway about Bergen, where it rains nearly every day throughout the year, and which place tourists speak of as especially relaxing, thus experiencing some of the effects described by Commodore Sinclair. It is not necessary to go into detail as to the actual cause of these cloud belts-that is a matter for text- books sufficient to say that in the case of the equa- torial belt, the north-east and south-east trade winds flowing into the equatorial regions to supply the up- draught caused by the intense heating of the atmos- phere surrounding the equator, pass over zones about 20 degrees in width, from which all, or nearly all, the vapour of evaporation is carried into the compara- tively narrow zone of the equatorial calm belt before it ascends to higher and therefore colder levels. In these upper reaches condensation takes place, thereby producing a constant canopy of dense cloud which forms a nearly continuous cloud girdle. The equa- torial calm belt, therefore, is also a cloud and rain belt. From certain causes the rain and cloud belt, as it exists at any given time, is mostly wilder than the belt of calms, but of course neither have very definite limits these, however, are much better defined over the great oceans, where the trade winds blow much more steadily than on the Continents, where regularity is very much interfered with by the various abnormal disturbances of uneven surfaces^and mountain ranges, and likewise by the monsoons of the Indian and other oceans. The rain and cloud belt is, how- ] ever, clearly traceable across the whole of Africa, 1 wherever observations have been made, as also 1 across the American isthmus; but it has greater j width and its limits are not so well de- fined. These cloud zones, on which large amounts j of rain fall, are traced out naturally for us on | the surface of the globe, and it has been truly j said that these regions are the reservoirs of the great rivers;" e.g., those originating from the equa- torial cloud belt being the Amazon, Orinoco, Niger, Nile, and Congo,whilst the Yenesei, Obi, Mackenzie, and St. Lawrence largely derive their supplies from J: the minor belt in the northern hemisphere.—W. j Shackleton, F.Ii.A.S., in Knowledge, s J ),I i-u .• J" J.. ('' I! ,ë
PARISH COUNCILS. I
PARISH COUNCILS. I INTERESTING QUESTIONS AND INSTRUCTIVE ASSWEHS. (From The Councils' Gazette.") Member of Parish Council as Overseer.—Can a member of a Parish Council be appointed Overseer and receive remuneration out of the rates for services rendered while in such office? Answer: (1) A member of a Parish Council may be appointed Overseer, but an Overseer is not entitled to any "remuneration out of the rates for services rendered "while in that office. If it is desired to have a paid officer to perform the duties of Overseer, the Parish Council must appoint an Assistant Overseer but then, such an officer comes under the general section which disqualifies any person holding a paid office under the Parish Council for being a member or chairman of the Parish Council. Alleged Nuisance from the Accumulation of Manure.—At what distance from (1) a dwelling house; (2) a main road through the village high street is it allowable for a farmer to place a large heap of manure on adjoining arable land? I can flpd nothing to help me by perusing the Public Health Acts. I append a rough sketch of the site, both of dwelling houses and proposed heap of manure. I am also of opinion that the Parish Councils have no powers to prevent the accumulation of manure, even if it should become objectionable, by reason of its overpowering odour to the inhabitants in its immediate neighbourhood. Cottages, private houses, and shops-about 40 in all. Answer No special distance either from a dwelling house or a main road is prohibited. The only question is whether the heap is what the law regards as a nuisance." Under s. 91 of the Public Health Act, 1875, any accumulation or deposit which is a nuisance or injurious to health" may be dealt with sumarily under the Act: and by s. 92, it is the duty of every local authority (which means in your case the rural district council) to cause to be made from time to time inspection of their districts, with a view to ascertain what nuisances exist, calling for abate- ment under the powers of the Act. It is not very easy to say what is a nuisance," but s. 91 provides that a penalty shall not be imposed on any person in respect of any accumulation or deposit necessary for the effec- tual carrying on of any business or manufacture, if it be proved to the satisfaction of the court that the accumulation or deposit has not been kept longer than is necessary for the purpose of the business or manufacture, and that the best available means have been taken for preventing injury thereby tc the public health. As far as we can see, in this particular case, assuming the manure heap to be a nuisance," it would be impossible for the offender to escape conviction under this proviso, because he could (apparently) make the heap say 50 yards further from private houses, and so materially mitigate the evil. We agree that the Parish Council have no power to prevent the accumu- lation of manure. Parochial Election.—Invalid Ballot Paper.—Sup- pose a voter votes for three candidates, and the ballot-paper is wrongly marked as to one candidate, does the voter lose all the good votes which he gives to the other two candidates ? It seems hard that the two good votes should not count, and I contend they ought to be counted. Am I right ? Answer The answer to this question depends upon what is meant when it is said that the ballot-paper is wrongly marked." If the voter signs his name on ballot-paper,or puts any other mark thereon, whereby he may be identified, the ballot-paper is void altogether. But if the voter puts a cross in such a position that it is not clear whether he means to vote for A or B, the vote cannot be counted as a good vote for either. But if he also puts another cross, or crosses, in such a position as to be clearly good votes for C or D, those votes ought to be counted, unless of course the total number of crosses exceeds the number of votes to which the voter is entitled-in that case we think the ballot-paper is bad altogether. Power of Parish Council to Make Copies of Award. —Encroachments on Highway.-(I) We (the Parish Council) have Inclosure award and map annexed. Map being large, over 5ft. square, makes the handling of award cumbersome. We have agreed to have a few copies printed of award, and finding that say 100 copies cost little more than a smaller number say 30s., and that we should be able to dispose of them amongst the various owners of property inte- rested in the enclosure at cost price or a little more, will it be illegal if we should charge the same to Council's account, and reimburse same as the copies sold. (2) In Inclosure made by special Act of Parliament, 1791, amongst other matters, a public highway was awarded to be in the least 40ft. in width, and at place just adjoining village the fence adjoining road makes a detour as shown in sketch, but there still is only about 40ft. in width of road. An owner of property left by will," adjoining road, whose property is in the old enclosure has, some 18 ye&rs since, built fence and piggery on a portion of this ground awarded as highway which he says he lias a right to do, as in old deeds which say he has a right to dung- hill, not defined," the said deed dating a few years previous to award. Now we, the Parish Council, have asked the R.D.C. to see to it, thinking that it is an encroachment, as there is no mention of it in the award, and that if a right had at one time existed for a dunghill, it should have been claimed at the time of Inclosure. I may say that there is no waste land in the whole of the land inclosed at that time, and further, that there was not a stone or mark of any kind to show that he has a right, previous to 18 years since, but tenants of the property (cottages) have along with most of the villagers thrown their ashes, &c., on the road-side, which were even- tually washed away by the stream which runs down the piece of land in question. An- swer Assuming that any of the property dealt with by the award belongs to the 'Parish Council, we think you may safely do what is proposed. If there is no such property, the legality is very doubtful, but we can perhaps suggest a way out of the difficulty. Cannot you get a printer to print you a copy for nothing on condition that he is allowed to sell as many copies as he likes at. say Is. each. Failing this, cannot you get some public-spirited resident to pay the printer and take the risk of recouping himself. Probably if you got enough subscribers beforehand, so that the initial cost to the Parish Council did not exceed a few shillings, a good many auditors would pass the expenditure, but we do not like to prophesy as to what an auditor will do, for auditors do not all act with the same strictness. (2) If the piece of land in question was ever part of the highway, the en- croachment is illegal. We are afraid that our opinion as to the effect of the award is worth very little because the award is not before us, and in order to form an opinion of any real value, we ought to look at the whole of the award and of the Act under which it was made. It is not impossible that the special Act enabled the inclosure commissioners (or whoever made the award) to allot to the then owner of the dung-hill a piece of land by way of compensa- tion for it, and to throw the site of the dung-hill into the road dedicated to the public. If this was done the owner, by building a piggery on what is really part of the highway, cannot acquire any title to the land. ( Allotment Accounts.—Our Parish Council have allotments, and I as their clerk recei re the rents, &c. In making up my accounts, am I to keep a separate receipt and expenditure account of all monetary transactions relating to allotments, or should they be included in the general accounts of the Council ? Answer: Allotment expenses will form part of the general expenses of the Council, but must, of course, be distinguished in the accounts. Alleged Highway Encroachments.—A small piece of land adjoining the road has recently been taken in by a landowner in this parish. Our Council made a representation to the Rural District Council asking them to take the necessary steps to remove such en- croachments. The Rural Council refused to inter- fere, because it was generally said that they were afraid of the landowner, and moreover, he happened to be Vice-Chairman of such Council, and in addition to this he had given a piece of land in another part of the parish for the purpose eot widening a road. My Council then appealed to the County Council, but they refused to interfere, and issued an order accordingly. Having regard to these facts, does the order of the County Council remove all liability from the shoulders of the land-owner, and does his action become legal? Answer If the acts complained of are illegal, the order of the County Council does not make them legal. The Parish Council, however, have no power to take any led proceedings, though the individual councillors may probably do so, at their own cost and risk. Power of Parish Council to Provide Telegraph. Station.-Can our Parish Council guarantee any loss that may be incurred in providing a telegraph office without sanction of the Parish meeting ? Is any sum that they would have to pay to be raised by a special rate ? Answer The Parish Council may give the guarantee without the sanction of the Parish Meet- ing and any sum payable under the guarantee will be paid out of the general funds of the Council.
[No title]
TIIE strikes in Italy during 1896, of which par- ticulars are just to hand, involved 96,151 persona and caused the loss of 1,152,603 days' work. The two principal strikes were in the nfcraw-plaiting trade of Florence and the sulphur mining industry of Sicily; these together affected over 56,000 work- people, and were both successful in raising wage rates. 'í
GREATER BRITAIN.
GREATER BRITAIN. WESTERN AUSTRALIA and Canada are the on'y colonies at present offering prospects to working-class emigrants. The rest are either fully or over supplied with labouir of all kinds. ALL business men are in accord with Lord George Hamilton that any alteration of the monetary system of India should be preceded by full inquiry. His lord- ship stated in the House of Commons that he himself was not responsible for the closing of the mints, but, having looked carefully into the question, he did not hesitate to say that those who were so responsible adopted the right course. It is generally conceded what- ever may be the ultimate result of the inquiry proposed, that it would be extremely unwiseto upset business with India just now by reverting to the condition of affairs existing before the mints were closed in 1893. The impression obtains in financial circles that nothing will be done for some time to come, but that the in- troduction of a gold standard for India will present great difficulties. There are so many considerations involved with an importing country like India having such an enormous total to remit annually in payment for goods supplied, while in addition there are the heavy debt charges to be met as well as those for pen-, sions. Immense resources undoubtedly exist in the country, but they are as yet only partially developed, and until this is changed, and India is able to adjust the balance of trade so as to make het less a debtor to the mother country, the position is likely to con- tinue a perplexing one: LATEST advices from British North Borneo state that Bundu Tuan and six Dusun Kampongs have come in and taken the oath. This means 2000 people. Of the people killed in the attack at the Ranau Fort, the names of the following are men- tioned Mat Salleh's brother-in-law, Tuan Arib, Gungah Singh, the bastard Sikh, and about 100 Dusuns. Messrs. Dunlop and Harington reached Peranchanguan, on the 6th inst. The Tambunan people refused the request of Datu Shabandur (brother of Mat Salleh) to receive the rebels, whe are now said to be wandering about near Lowante. Dusuns are coming in from all sides already. In addition to the 2000 who have taken the oath, more are still coming. SIR MARSHALL CLARKE, who has just retired from the Resident Commissionership of Zululand, has been granted a pension of E150 per annum by the Natal Government. ENGLAND is not the only country in which the poorer classes of women work at starvation wages. In Australia, according to Miss Edwards, secretary to the Working and Factory Girls' Club at Sydney, The condition of working women and girls becomes harder every year. Take those employed in blouse-making. A dozen women's print blouses for Is. 6d., just about l-kd. each. The evils detailed in the Song of the Shirt' are repeated in this young community. The material for the blouse costs 10d., the work of making l!d.. and allowing for 2 other contingencies, the total cost would be about Is. 3d. Yet these blouses are sold retail at prices varying from 2s. lid. to 6s. lid. By working early and late, a woman might earn 6s. or 7s. a week at blouse-making." The great cause of the sweating evil is attributed by Miss Edwards to the rushing after cheap bargains. AUSTRALIA has no orphan asylums. Every child who is not supported by parents becomes a ward of the State, and is paid a pension for support and placed in a private family, where board and clothes are provided. THE appointment is announced of Mr. E. H. Wit- tenoom, as Agent-General for Western Australia in London, in succession to Sir Malcolm Fraser. IN New Zealand the indigenous flora has given way before new species acclimatised by the white settlers. It is not the larger species which are driving out the smaller ones, but the smaller species which are sup- planting the large ones. The smaller species, accord- ing to Mr. Thomas Kirk, in a paper published by the Philosophical Society of Wellington, N.Z., by numerous and varied mechanisms gradually suc- ceed in eliminating plants which at first sight appear to be vigorous and well adapted for the struggle for existence. IN consequence of a proposal made during the last meeting of the British Association at Toronto to approach the Government on the subject of estab- lishing a central institution in Great Britain for the encouragement of experimental agriculture, Nature says that communications are being made with all the leading independent bodies already engaged in such work, with a view to obtaining their opinion as to the desirability of such a movement. MR. J. H. COLLINS, F.G.S., a mining engineer of eminence, has just published some interesting infor- mation about the most important resources of New- foundland. The first images called up by the word Newfoundland to the average Englishman are fish, fogs, and dogs. As far as Mr. Collins' experience goes, we have more of all three in London than they have in Newfoundland, and with regard to fogs, their fogs are white and wholesome, while ours are yellow and poisonous. As to scenery, there are neither mountains nor waterfalls of great dimensions, but there are grand lakes and stately rivers, lovely wooded hills and rich valleys, broad bays studded with innumerable islands, and deep fjords. Its climate is superior to that of this country, the only drawback being the Arctic current, which brings down ice from the north every winter. The present annual returns of the fisheries are nearly seven mil- lions of dollars, or about equal to the Norway sea-harvest in value, and considerably greater in weight. Mr. Collins believes that this industry could be greatly expanded in the near future. With regard to agriculture, lie says that there are no finer potatoes grown in the world than the produce of this island. Oats and barley grow well. Fruit-growing, stock-raising, dairy- farming, and pig-breeding could all be pursued with success. The lumbering industries have made some progress. And besides the timber suitable for lumber, there are millions of well-grown firs and spruces well adapted for the manufacture of paper pulp. Up to the present the mining of copper has been far more important than any other branch of mining in the island. Quartz veins containing gold are found in parts, but it is probable that the most important mineral production in the near future will be coal. The coal which is now being obtained in St. George's Bay attracted the attention of Captain Cook more than a century ago, but nothing came of his observa- tion. At the present moment the most valuable coal area is the one situated at the north-east end of the Grand Lake. Mr. Collins describes the people aa being hospitable, intelligent, and law-abiding—in- dustrious enough when they find themselves in a groove, but, except in seafaring matters, possessed of very little initiative. With free homesteads, free fishing in some of the most prolific waters of the world, excellent potato ground, and unlimited firewood at their very doors, there ought to be neither poverty or distress in Newfoundland. The island needs a better system of internal and external communication, and particularly a quicker and cheaper service with this country. He believes there might soon be, and should be, in Newfoundland a population of 2,000,000 or more, instead of about one-tenth of that number, and the 2,000,000 should be living in greater comfort than the 200,000 are now.
[No title]
PIERRE LOTI, hero and author of the play which is now drawing all Paris to the Op6ra Comique, is on the wing again. I never can stand Paris for more than three weeks," this sailor, author, and dreamer of poetic dreams is wont to say. Loti, or, to give him his real name, M. de Kernay, when at Paris lives (says the Westminster Gazette) at a very quiet hotel on the left bank of the Seine, and is never seen on the Boulevards or in fashionable society. It is one of Loti's peculiarities to decide on the actual course of a voyage only at the very last moment. "My pleasure is gone," he says, "if I find that anybody knows where I am going, and if I realise all the details of my tour, the project has no longer any charm for me. I like to keep my drewins as long as possible." FEW millionaires nowadays preach the Gospel, but the most conspicuous evangelist in New York at the present time—the richest one in the world—is Mr. William Phillips Hall, the president of the Hall Signal Company, which has practically a monopoly of the railway signal service of the United States. He is a self-made man, and his days are given to finance in Wall-street, while his evenings are devoted to con- ducting services. His measure of success as an evangelist is largely due," he says, to the fact that he adopts business methods in the saving of souls, and he adds that there is more of the Cltistian spirit on Wall-street than the world guesses." MR. W. CHATTERTON Ðrx, the author of those well- known hymns, Come unto Me, ye weary," As with gladness men of old," and many another stirring composition that has obtained an abiding-place in the hearts of lovers of sacred song, is seriously ill, losing thereby, many will regret to hear, his profes- sional income. A testimonial is being raised on his behalf, under the sad circumstances, prominent workers on the committee being the Dean of Bristol, Canon Scott-Holland, Dr. A. K. H. Boyd, and Canon Francis Murray. Subscriptions to this very deserving testimonial should be sent to Mr. Conrad Fry, the hon. sec. and treasurer in Bristol; or may be paid direct into Stuckey's Bank. THE Queen's difficulty in moving about," of which so much has been heard lately, is many years old, as it originated in a fall which her Majesty met with about 1882 when coming down the staircase at Windsor Castle. The Queen has never walked for more than a few steps for a number of years past, but her Majesty is wheeled about in a chair, and there is a lift for her use wherever she gora. t.' to'
. THE v WOMAN'S WOULD*
THE v WOMAN'S WOULD* A NO YE LTV cape for spring wear is made in three- cornered shawl shape. The edge is trimmed with lace and ruffles, with a band of embroidery above. It is lined with bright-coloured satin, and has a slightly (laring collar. TIIE blouse has lost none of its popularity. It shows rather less of a tendency to drop, and some of the models have slightly longer skirts than those heretofore wnrL. I SOME of the new jackets are quite close-fitting, and double-breasted. They are slightly shaped in at the front with darts, and have large buttons down either side. IN washing shawls or other knitted or crocheted wools, use warm suds in which a tablespoonful of ammonia has been added to each gallon of water. Let the article soak about 20 minutes, then squeeze it in the water, being careful that the temperature re- mains the same, and do not stretch too much by ironing or pulling. A NEW skirt for wheelwomen is described as follows: In each side a division is made, running down from the waistband to the bottom of the skirt, thus forming an apron in the front and back. At the waistbelt is attached a strap hanging down loosely any suitable distance over each of the divi- sions. The two edges of each division are then but- toned one over the other and the two straps having holes worked down them are also buttoned over the division. By missing one or more buttons when fastening, the straps are consequently made to lift and hold the skirt to any length required for the safety of the rider. By undoing the straps the skirt falls again into position. THE craze for jewelled effects is very noticeably expressed in the jewelled belts and dog collars worn over fur jackets, and to complete this outfit the muff must have a large jewelled buckle in the bow which decorates the top. A GOOD use for old ribbons is to work them into the cover of a sofa pillow in crazy-work style. The smallest bits may be worked in, and a very rich effect obtained if the colours are well assorted. Both sides of the cushion are to be done in crazy-work. It makes a very serviceable'cover, and is especially use- ful as a head-rest. Finish the edge with a frill of silk. This style of work is very popular now. It is the old-fashioned patchwork of our grandmothers' day revived, though it is not confined entirely to bed quilts, for chair seats, table and cushion covers are made of this work, and one of the latest fads is to combine all the different materials of a bride's trousseau in a bit of this work. Sashes, bows, and trimmings of gowns are included, as Jwell as the materials of which the gowns are made. HANDKERCHIEFS are no longer blued" but "pinked." This is done by colouring the rinsing- water just the faintest possible tinge with a cake of carmine paint, such as is sold in the cheap boxes of water-colour paints for children. Of course, the handkerchief must npt look really pink, but just off the white. SOMETHING very dainty in a summer shirt-waist is made of white organdie, finely tucked and em- broidered, and worn over a pale blue underslip of China silk or batiste. .'I. SKIRTS are to be elaborately trimmed. A gown seen in the show room of one of London's leading modistes was black gros-grain silk and its skirt was flounced with three inch ruffles that were bound with black velvet ribbons and these velvet edges were in turn flounced with tiny edges of narrow, black Valenciennes lace. There were also narrow ruflles on the upper part of the bodice, but around the waist the gown was tightly fitted without the suspicion of a blouse about it. IN another gown of black silk the skirt was banded with yards upon yards of black velvet ribbon in varying widths, some of which wen two inches wide, others only half an inch. DESPITE the princess form of robe, and that will dominate this summer, blouses will still be made in light materials, blousant before and adjusted behind. However, many of them will be simply a pointe in front and in the back, with the laudable intention to suggest length of waist, and to the air of being slim. BLACK and white, so charming in elegant toilettes, will be in honour this summer also. Well shown off, the combination always imparts the air of grande dame. JACKETS in white material, with revers in black velvet, will also be the mode, and will be in vogue with ladies to be worn over pretty bright blouses. LESS spangle ornamentation will be chosen, because the robe will be figuring without a mantle, and what may do well to glitter in a salon would be out of place in the street. HENCE, why embroidery, tint upon tint, or the yellow guipure, is adopted. A MARKED tendency was displayed during the winter, and which has since progressed, that of arranging the ornamentation of the jupe, to simulate a second skirt. At present veritable second skirts are made, opening before, polonaise fashion, and closing at the waist by a belt. The bodice, covered with brandebourgs, completes, while affirming the change. THE lampshade jupe, rather narrow than large, is becoming general; a deep flounce is placed upon it, higher behind than in front. IN about another month the jacquette question will be decided. Opinion thinks that they will be long, not short. The hats of the moment are chiefly in tulle, lace, or black straw. THE popular flower is certainly the rose, flesh- coloured or almost black; it will be more general as I' the season advances. COUSINSHIP is a very delightful relationship but it is so elastic, and so capable of being stretched into something different, that it is sometimes a little dif- ficult to know exactly how it is to be taken. SOME cousins, for instance, when they are of the other sex, expect to treat one, and to be treated, as if they were rather sister and brother. They take the privileges and the liberties of that closer relation- ship; they criticise, with that frank candour so noticeable among members of the same family, but are affectionate and kindly, too, and ready to do any- thing for their cousin. A COUSINSHIP of this sort is often delightful. There is the freedom of intercourse and the absence of ceremony which point the family feeling; 'and yet a cousin differs just enough from the real brother or sisterhood to give a flavour to the relation. I BUT again, there are cousins who do not seem to consider that the tie carries with it either special privileges or special pleasures. They treat you like a more or less considered acquaintance, and never let themselves condescend to the liail-fellow-well-mst style of the first order. I Tijis cousin is not unlikely to end by falling in love with you, an error seldom committed by the brother-and-sister cousin, who has been too frankly intimate, as a rule, ever to become sentimental. I IT is sometimes very trying to know in which rela- tion cousins wish to stand with you when you meet them for the first time. A man who was blessed with many girl cousins was heard to say there :was nothing in life he hated more than being introduced to one of them for the first time. He never knew whether she expected to be kissed or not. If he ven- tured to kiss her, she was generally mortally offended at what she called his impertiness; and if he omitted that peculiar form of salutation, she was indignant at what she called his lack of friendliness. PEOPLE are agreed, in these days, that the marriage of cousins is not particularly to be desired. Most parents have an idea that it will be best avoided by not letting cousins see too much of each other. This is somewhat of a mistake. The cousins most likely to fall in love with each other are, as has been said, those who meet as strangers, and remain on the ground of casual acquaintance. NEARLY ..11 the new evening gowns have sashes of net, tulle, or chiffon, which, however, tie in front instead of in the back, as formerly. BROCADED silks are not so much worn now as th« plain taffetas and grosgrains. Satin ducliesse is fashionable and promises to continue so. Striped novelty silks are seen, and plaids and checks are smaller and more quiet in tone. SMALL gold buttons, closely set on, form a new and pretty closing to the bodice. They are either bell-shaped or flat, and especially rich-looking on velvet. (" to. {
Advertising
T* § GR-EA T AMERICAN PRESCRIPTION TWENTY YEARS' RESEARCH has brought to light a guaranteed Remedy for NERVOUS DEBILITY, the Errors of Youth, Lost Mahnood, Spermatorrhoea, Varicocele, Weakness, Dimness of Siu'ht, Bladder, (iravel, Kidney, Liver Complaints, raid all diseases of the Urinary Organs. This Prescription is in the hands of a Mmister, -rho will befriend anyone suffering from tiie-o enervating diseases. It lias O 3 IR% 5.J S 5 E* 6 Ik* i Merely send self-addressed stamped envelope to th" Rev. DAVID JONES. Kay Villa, Lewes, England, when the Prescription will W. OK <" H A R< 4 K. Name this Paper. .A. a N E F* BmaN B tbm SELF CURE One who has himself suffered will send to any SUFFERER a FREE PRESCRIPTION, on receipt of a stamped addressed envelope. This Prescription has restored many hundreds !T%P" nf °f persons suffering from Nervous Debility, Exhausted Vitality, OfU vTIIIJb II Errors of Youth, Lost Manhood, Spermatorrhoea, Varicocele, Itft-O I wi*LiU Premature Decay, Brain Fag, Dimness of Sight, Despondency, Loss of Energy, Loss of Memory, Blotches on the Skin, Noises in the Ears, Melancholy, Kidney and Liver Co plaints, and all Disea: m- TO HEALTH AND STRENGTH ,n of the û: to health and strength, and is an unfailing remedy for these distressing disease& -Addrem: W. H. BROWN, Esq., 14 Chesham Road, Brighton, Sussex, England. Name this paper.
AMERICAN HUMOUR.
AMERICAN HUMOUR. No sir," said the clergyman, who was being criticised for not treating current questions with more emphasis, I decline to become an advocate on any side of the question you suggest." But a number of people expect it of you." My dear sir, my mission is to help prepare people for life in the next world is it not ?" Certainly." Well, you cannot possiblv convince me that there is any politics in hcavon." TilE man who uses slang has been relieving hismind ad libitnm concerning his boarding place. He had been engaged in the vain but common struggle to make up by emphasis of speech for deficiencies in elegance. I am surprised to find you going on at this rate," commented his listener. It was only a short time ago that you were loud in praises of your boarding- place." When did I say anything in praise of it?" Shortly after you moved there. And I must say I never regarded you as a man whose opinions would vary from day to day. Your have hitherto stood by your sentiments, after you once expressed them." Was I ever en- thusiastic about that boarding place?" "Yes, I re- member your exact language. You said it was a peach. "Sure?" "I'm positive," "Well, if I said it, I'll stand by it. But don't you forget this. There are peaches and peaches. There are fresh peaches and canned peaches and dried peaches. And there ain't anything, in my opinion, more irritating and unpalatable than a dried peach. I won't re- tract what I said in the first place. It's a peach all right. But it isn't any thing but one of the kind that has had all the goodness extracted from it completely and forever." "I DECEIVED you about one thing," murmured the new wife to her husband. I am older than I told you." Don't mention it, my angel. I find that your fortune is fully twice as large as I had sup- posed." DYnNG one of their college vacations, Daniel Websfor and his brother returned to his father's in Salisbury. Thinking he had a right to some return for the money he had expended on their education, the father-gave them scythes and requested them to mow. Daniel made a few sweeps and then stopped to wipe his brow and rest. hat's the matter, Dan ?" asked his father. My scythe don't hang right, sir." His father fixed it and Dan went to work again, but with no better success. Something was wrong with the implement, and it was not long before it needed fixing again, and his father said impatiently: Well, hang it to suit yourself." Daniel with great composure, hung it on a near tree and retired from the field. WIIAT is an aggressive policy,' grandpa ?" Well, it is a policy which makes a man so mad that he wants to fight, but which scares him so that he doesn't dare to." WIIAT in creation's the matter with you now ?" asked the troubled manager as he came upon the leading lady, tearing her hair like the heaviest trage- dian, rolling her eyes and stamping ragged rents in her little kid shoes. Matter ?" she shrieked. Matter ? I cancel my contract, sir. I renounce the stage for ever. For ever Do you hear ?" I should say I did. I could hear if I was in the next block. But come out of that fit and talk sense. You can't break your contract." Can't ? It's broken now. I have made my last exit. I have been the victim of a frozen-hearted deal, a deep-laid conspiracy, a most heinous expression of deep-green jealousy, and you know it. My jewels were stolen and the base con- spirators had recovered them before I could notify the police. I eloped and the matter was cunningly and mali- ciously suppressed. This very day I received a divorce and there is not a line about it in the papers. Not a line. I am hunted and thwarted until the end, and I shall sing no more." "What do you want, the earth! Here's a whole page of the stuff, dished up with ginger, dynamite and fireworks. Look at it." Grand Magnificent I Superlative she purred. Fate has indeed been good to me. I will sing as never before. What a horrible half hour I have had, and all because that rascally little newsboy worked off yesterday's papers on me." TELL me," pleaded the artless maid," wherein lies the secret of the art of conversation!" The sage assumed the attitude he was wont to assume when in the act of imparting wisdom, and said My child, listen ?" I am listening!" breathlessly she answered. "Well my child," he rejoined, "that is all there is of the art of conversing agreeably." DID you do well with that last estate you handled ?" Just fair," answered Sharks, the lawyer. I had to pay out nearly 10 per cent. of it in witness fees. But nine-tenths is better than nothing." "Ttns French claret tastes exactly like the Cali- fornia claret I bought here two weeks ago, and you charge a dollar a bottle more for it. What makes the difference?" "It costs us more for the labels. We have to send to France for them." AT a New England society dinner some years ago Mark Twain had just finished a piquant address when Mr. Evarts arose, shoved both his hands down in his trousers pockets, as was his habit, and laugh- ingly remarked Doesn't it strike this company as a little unusual that a professional humorist should be funny ?" Mark Twain waited until the laughter excited by his sally had subsided and then drawled out: Doesn't it strike this company as a little un- usual that a lawyer should have his hands in his own pockets ?" JVLORTAL," said the guide in a sepulchral voice, to the blindfolded candidate whom he was conduct- ing in a slow and solemn march around the darkened hall, "you are now approaching an ordeal that will test your fortitude to the utmost!" "Go ahead," inswered Mr. Meeker, apathetically. I think I xin stand it. It isn't anything to what I'll catch when I go home." "So that burglar carried off all your silver?" Yes but what upset us the most was that he drank up all our cream, and we had none for our coffee at breakfast." I WAS looking for a man by the name of Piggans, one Jim Piggans, and meeting a party on the road I asked him if he knew a man by the name of Piggans. Do I know Piggans, ole Jim Piggans ?" he answered. I should say I did, an' I'll say right year thet I don't know any good of him either. I've always had hit in fer thet critter ever since he done me up." Isn't he honest ?" I asked. Oh, he's honest enough, bnt he's too dern smart, thet's what the matter with him. Did ye ever monkey with politics, stranger?" "Never," I answered. "Is Mr. Pig-" Wul, I hev, but I ain't never goin' ter do hit agin. I ran fer dog-catcher once. I went round a-liobnobin'with every greaser an' Chinaman in the district; I went around a kissin' all the babies, an' a-praisin' them up, an' I et garlic with the greasers an' rats with the Chinamen Dura if I didn't blow in a dollar an' fifteen cents tryin' ter git thet thar offis." Can you tell me where I can find-" Ye see we held the election in the school house, an' we agreed ter count noses, an' the one thet got the most noses wuz to be the dog-catcher." Is Mr. Pig-" Wul, I stood on one side an' Jim Piggans, who was run- ing for the office stood on the other side." Where will- Wul, jes 'ez everybody wuz gittin' ready ter flock over ter me what did this low down Jim Piggans go an' do but pull a big bottle frum his pocket, an' say Every one what wants me fer the dog-catcher come over year., Wul, thar wuz a stampede fer thet there bottle, an' he wuz elected unanimously." How do you make that out ? Didn't you vote for yourself?" Stranger, I wuz the first man ter reach the bottle!" "Well, you were at least a drink ahead." Stranger, right thar wuz whar the rub kirn in Right thar I started bilin' an, I,ve bin a-bilin' ever since! Thar wuzn't anything in thet bottle but boss linamint 1"
FUN AND FANCY.
FUN AND FANCY. DiD you dance with Mr. Spriggs last night?" Yes. How did you know?" Saw him buying a pair of slippers and a crutch this morning." MAMMA: Now, Edward, the best portions of the fowl are for the guests, so what are you going to say when I ask you what you will have ?" Edward: Just a few of the feathers, if you please." OLD GENTLEMAN (dictating an indignant letter): Sir,—My stenographer, being a lady, cannot take down what I think of you. I, being a gentleman, cannot think it; but you, being neither, can easily guess my thoughts." MRS. CRIMSONBEAK What are you in such deep thought, about, John?" Mr. Crimsonbeak: I was only thinking, dear, that all the men who have gone in search of the North Pole seem to have been mar- ried." OFFICER (Royal Irish): Why were you late in barracks last night, Private Atkins ?" Private Atkins: Train from London was very late, sir." Officer: Very good. Next toime the thrain's late, take care y' come by an earlier one!" Is it true that your husband is so very absent- minded, Mrs. Newly?" "Perfectly. We've been married six months, and many an evening at eleven he gets up and takes me by the hand, tells me what a delightful time he has had, and would leave if I did not remind him." DOCTOR: Well, Johnny, don't you feel better since I gave you the medicine ?" Johnny: Yes, I forgot all about being ill." Doctor: That's what I thought; and it wasn't hard to take, was it ?" Johnny: Well, it was, rather, for it took two of us boys to hold Carlo while we gave it to him." Now, young people," said a professor of natural history to his class, now then, as to hens. A hen has the capacity of laying just 600 eggs and no more, and she finishes the job in just about five years. Now, what is to be done with her after that ?" Cut off her head and sell her to an hotel-keeper for a spring chicken!" exclaimed an urchin whose father dealt in poultry. uK WIFE: "Are you pleased with our new maidr Husband: Very much." Wife: "I thought so; I have discharged her." MR. HOBBS: How much ought I to put in the contribution-box?" Mrs. Hobbs: "Wait and see. If that odious Mrs. Jennings is looking. put in half a crown. If not, a threepenny-bit will do." Q.C.: "Are you acquainted with the prisoner?" Witness: "I have known him for twenty years." Q.C.: Have you ever known him to be a disturber of the public peace ?" Witness: Well—er—he used to belong to a drum-and-fife band." FATHER, what is your busy day?" Well, happy urchin, it is when 1 stay at home to rest, and your mother gets me to do a few little odd jobs around the house." A FEW years ago there was a man in Devonshire who had six or seven very corpulent daughters. When asked how many children he had, his answer was generally something of this kind: I have three boys and about thirteen hundredweight of girls." ALFONSO," said Mrs. Midas, "there is a heading in this paper that says, 'Had One Wife Too Many.' The rest of the article is torn off. How many wives do you think the brute had ?" One, probably," was Midas's prompt reply. LITTLE ETHEL: Your sister is engaged, isn't the ?" Little Tommy: Who says so ?" "Nobody." Then how do you know ?" When the postman knocks, she goes to the door herself." "MARIE," he cried, passionately, as he threw him- self at the feet of the rich widow, will you be my wife ?" Yes, John," she murmured, putting her arms about his neck. It means the sacrifice of my fortune, for my income from my late husband's estate ceases at my second marriage; but my love for you is such-" Marie, I cannot accept the sacri- fice I It is too much! I will be a brother to you!" No matter how foolish an undertaking you may embark upon, folk will stop laughing at you the moment you succeed. A SHORT time ago an entertainment was given to the inmates of a lunatic asylum not far from Edin- burgh. One of the items on the programme con- sisted of a solo by the chaplain. When the singing was over, the chaplain asked one of the inmates: Well, John, how did you like the solo; was it good ?" Oh, weel, sir," said the loonie," it's a guid thing that we're a' daft here." "THEY seem to be a very devoted couple." "I should say so. They've been married three years and still ride a tandem." DOCTOR: Did your visit to the seaside have the desired effect, madam?" Mrs. Fullpurse: "Oh, yes, doctor both my daughters are married." HOSTESS: I'm afraid we are going to be a very small party to-night. The fog seems to have kept away all our best people!" AN American editor desires his subscribers to ray up, as he wishes to play a similar joke upon his creditors. AND aren't they married yet ?" No. Yon see, she would not marry him till he had paid his debts, and he could not pay his debts till he had married her." JACK: That Miss Beverly, to whom I bowed just now, is a regular Klondyke." Tom: "That so? Rich ?" Jack: Yes. Also cold and distant." AT a printers' dinner lately the following toast was proposed Women—second only to the Press in disseminating news." The ladies are still unde- cided whether to regard this as a compliment or not. MRS. CHUMFLBIGH If you say you never made a, mistake in your life, you state what is not a fact.* Mr. Chumpleigh: Well, you needn't throw my mar- rying you in my face so much." WATTS: I wonder if dyeing one's hair is really as dangerous as the doctors say." N. Peck: "You bet it is. An old uncle of mine tried it once, and in less than three months he was married to a widow with four small children." IT is well known that some of the novels bearing Dumas's signature are not his own. Meeting his ion one day, he asked him whether he had read his latest novel. "No," said Dumas, junior, who was remarkable for his ready wit. Have you ?" THE late Bill Nye was fond of telling this story of his smaller daughter: At the dinner-table one day there was a party of guests for whom Mr. Nye was doing his best in the way of entertainment. A. lady turned to the little girl. M Your father is a very funny man," said she. Yes," responded the child, when we have company." MOTHER: Johnny, why, did you not tell me that you were naughty at school?" Johnny: "Tisn't best to tell women everything." DOCTOR:" Do you know that the majority of phy- sicians are comparatively poor men ?" Gibbs: No, I wasn't aware of that; but I know some of them are awfully poor doctors." I AM afraid it is all up between Flat and the rich widow." Made one of his ridiculous slips, I pre- sume ?" Yes. He asked her if he was the only man she ever loved." "WmtRB is the man who keeps the restaurant?" said the disgusted customer. He's gone out to lunch," replied the cashier. "AND you went up the Rhine, I suppose ?" said Mrs. Malaprop. Indeed, yes; it was beautiful." And did you see any rhinoceroses?" LITTLE GIRL (to lady visitor): Please, Miss Jawerer, let me see your tongue." Miss J.(surprised): Why, my dear ?" Little Girl: Why, ma said you'd no end of a tongue." RESIDENT: Think of starting in this neighbour- hood, eh ? Seems to me you are rather young for a family doctor." Young Medico: Y-e-s; but--er- I shall only doctor children at first." FORRESTER:" You live in a quiet part of the town, io you not ? Lancaster: Not now." Moved ? ["No. Got twins.