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— ,LITERARY EXTRACTS.

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ART AND LITERATURE.

.SCIENCE NOTES. 1"."---

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FUN AXD FANCY.

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FUN AXD FANCY. is this the first time you have experienced the sensation of lqve?" she asked. "It is," he re- piiod. "Am I the first girl yoa ever told you I,- ?" "h" persisted. He hesitited. What might 110 have come to her ear? You must remember,' lie zitid at last, how easy it is for the ignorant and uninitiated to accept a base imitation for the real thing." CONSIDERING their shady reputations, parasols are likely to be overrated. NKVKR doubt a girl's word when she says she can't øin! It's ten to one she is telling the truth. A LADY who had quarrelled with her bald-headed lover, said, in dismissing him What is delightful about you, my friend, is that I have not the trouble of sending you back any locks of hair." I IUVK come, sir," said the foreigner of title to the wealthy soap boiler, to ask for the hand of your daughter." "Which one?" asked the millionaire. I have three." It is immaterial," answered the nobleman, magnanimously. They might draw lots for me." "YES," remarked the globe-trotter. I've been everywhere, seen many queer sights, and had lots of fun. but I've also been in a good many tight places.' While I've never travelled much," rejoined his eojnpanion, I've had some gay old times, been tight in a good many places, and have incidentally SOOfisome mighty queer things." "POOR Emma," said Maybelle. "What's ths matter with Emma ?" demanded Kathryn. She has such an unfortunate name. It has to be spelt in the same old way that has been familiar for generations." You haven't had a letter from her recently, I c&n tell. She signs her name E-m-m-a-h." WOMEN in politics are about as graceful as hens in swimming. A GIRL is all right until she gets womanish, and a woman is all right until she gets girlish. TOM What are the relations between you and Mies Van Dyke nowadays ?" Jack (gloomily): Her father and mother." j SOME people growl at everything | In this old world, but, pshaw! | In spite of what they say, 'tis still j The best they ever saw. "I TELL you," Mr. Billus was øaying, "there is nothing like a bunch of keys to develop one's memory. Now, I have 27 keys on this ring, and I add a new one every few days, yet I am never at a moment's loss to select the right one when I have occasion to use it." What have you got that brass button strung on there for ?" Um, that was put there by my wife a day or two ago to remind me of some trifling thing I was to get for hor, but I've for- gotten what it was." THE circus tent gets over lots of ground and is bound to spread. Too many people resemble a ball of twine-they are completely wrapped up in themselves. "How did you and George get along at the sea- side ?" asked her best friend. "Swimmingly," was the reply. "I WOULD lay down my life for you," he protested. The orphan girl looked wistfully into his eyes. But when it comes to laying up anything, you're not there." she exclaimed, sadly. I DON'T you wish," he asked, looking soulfully into her eyes, "that the tunnel on this line was ten times as !G;;?" No," she answered. It struck him like a dash of cold water in the face. Instantly it dawned upon him that she no longer loved him. They always light the lamps when coming to the long tunnels," she added, and they don't for the short ones." Then he was happy once mere. His own education had been none too liberal, and it was a source of congratulation to him that his future wife had acquired her education within the classic precincts of Girton CollegCl. And when he came to her home that evening it filled him with in- expressible delight to gaze upon her splendid beauty, her queenly carriage, her finished manners. As the hours wore away, however, there came upon him the disagreeable impression that her bearing was less cordial than usual. In time the impression grew to be a settled conviction. There was no mistake about it. She was cold and haughty. Tortured to despe- ration. he spoke at last. Tell me," he passionately exclaimed, "why this sudden change?" Her lips curled with scorn. If you were a gentleman," she icily declared, "you would not need to in- quire." The words came like crushing blows to his agitated being. "May I ask you to explain ?" He was pale and his voice was husky. Certainly." Gliding across the room, she parted the window-curtains and gazed gloomily forth into the darkness. The moment you came in," she pro- ceeded, with a perfect calmness that betrayed the deepest feeling, I detected at once the odour of tobacco about your clothes." In an instant he was on his knees at her feet. Forgive me, dearest," he pleaded. I did not know that you objected to She waved her band grandly, and she never leetned more beautiful than in this, the moment of her wrath. Even now," she exclaimed, "I am certain you have cigarettes about your person. Is it not so ?" The suppliant groaned. It is true," he faltered; but if you say the word I will never smoke again." The stately girl laughed ironically. Oh, never mind," she sneered in mock levity. But I 1 wish to say that I don't want to have anything to do with a fellow who will sit in a lady's company all the evening and never offer her a cigarette, though he baa a pocketful of them." DOLLY: My cheeks are all on fire." Her Bad Friend: I thought I smelt burning paint!" TWAS the sweetest story ever told In a hammock, and no doubt They together clung so closely Lest there be a falling out. Wx make our own ice-cream," said the restaurant proprietor." Consequently we know just what it contains." "You do," replied the patron, "but I don't." TOM Why do the young mfcn all treat Jane so rudely ?" Jim The story got out that Jane said that the first man who suited her she'd propose to him on the spot." VAN CKOVE What has become of Oldboy f De Caverly: Sailed for America three days ago." Van Clove: Is that so}? Then it's safe to say he's half seas over by this time." A MINISTER of a rural parish in Scotland observed one of his flock shootingabare on the Sunday. When catechising day came round he questioned him as follows: John, do you know what a work of necessity is ? Fine that," said John. Well, do you think shooting a hare on a Sunday a work of necessity? "It is that," said John. How do you make that ouU. Weel, ye see, it micht be awa' on Monday," was John's reply. PENlGLOPE:" I hear that you became czgaged to him the second time you saw him." Clara: Yes; but I assure you that I was not to blame for the delay." MAGISTRATIC: I'll give you another trial." Magis- trate (to same person next morning): What are you here for now ? Pearly Satn I 'specs I'se here to get dat udder trial." A COLLEGE professor encouraged his geology class to collect specimens, and one day they deposited a piece of brick, streaked and stained, with their col- lection, thinking to impose upon the doctor. Taking up the specimens, the professor remarked This is j a piece of baryta from the Cheshire mines." Hold- ing up another, This is a piece of feldspar from the Portland quarries. And this," coming to the brick, is a piece of impudence from some member the MAUD And you're sure you want me for myself, | Dick ?" Dick:" No, for myself. | | AN old bachelor says there is but one thing sweeter than love's young dream, and that is to wake up and find yourself still single. HUSBAND My dear, these trousers are frayed at the bottom." Wife: They are the best you've got, John, except your dress trousers." Husband: "Well, give those to me. I have an important interview to- day in which I expect to be at different times prond, haughty, indifferent, dignified, and perhaps a triBe disdainful. A man can't be all that successfully with a fringe on the bottom of his trousers." "YES, when Willie grows up we intend to get him a commission in the army." Which branch of the service ?" Fh ?" "Which branch of the service —infantry?" "No, cavalry, 1 think. Ut looks iust beautiful on his rocking-horse." i

AMERICAN HUMOCTPu

'.GREATER BRITAIN.

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