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- LITERARY EXTRACTS.
LITERARY EXTRACTS. GAMBLING AMONG WOMEN: HOR°E-BETTING AWB VAitD PARTIES.—Is gangling among women on the werea-e ? One of the most thrilling scenes irr the new Drury-lane drama is said to be the truthful pre- sentment of a game at baccarat in a fine lady's draw- ing-room,and we know that the stage- holds-the mirror up to nature. Certain it is that sixpenny whist in fashionable circles is out of date, d that bridge and poker lead to a vast amount of high wagering. People sit down regularly to cards now in the afternoon in country-houses, and in some lax establishments play goes on even on Sunday, an in- fraction of old-established habits. Women speculate, too, a good deal, and wager freely on horse-racing. These and various other facts point to a return of the gambling and card parties which prevailed at the end of the last century. Some women play well, can- tiously, and with dash, but many are carried away with excitement and fear, and would soon, if per- mitted, lose their entire fortunes. Tg be. a good gambler requires distinct qualities-coolnega of head, intelligence, and a capacious and unerring memory. It is for this reason that statesmen and diplomats so often make excellent card-players.7Jady. Violet Gre- ville, in the Graphic. AVALANCHES ON THE STAGE.—The scenic sensation -of tile 4N4 Drury Lane drama is a realistic avalanche. A mountain of moving snow is to be seen and heard I soaring down from the heights of the Dent Blanche. -Gathering speed and volume as itk-ushed down the precipitous mountain side, it sweeps upon certain of the dramatis personm supposed to be making the -ascent, and a peculiarly treacherous villain is swept over, as in the famous Whymper accident upon the Matterhorn, sheer upon the unseep glacier a thousand feet below. Assuredly this is the era of scientific marvels, on the stage as off. But there is nothing new in history. Without in any way depreciating ihe ingenuity and daring of Mr. Cecil Raleigh and Mr. Arthur Collins, it must be said tha £ this will not feb the iBrst appearance of an avalanche upon Any 11 Late in the sixties, or in the early seventies, such an effect was attempted in a dramatic version -of that now comparatively unread tale No Thoroughfare," by Charles Dickens, who with the aid of Wilkie Collins's old adaptive hand, placed it upon the Adelphi boards. A very different thing, no -doubt, of obvious make-believe, beside the miraculous hanism of Drurv Lane; but there it was, and iSKK so ludicrous as to interfere with the acting of rechter, who played the sleek, insinuating, broken- Englished villain Obenreiser.-Pall Mall Gazette. ANALYSIS OP INSTINCT.—An English traveller in northern Russii telling how he made his way through a forest after a fall of snow simply by keep- ing that side of the tree to which the snow had clufig Always in the sariie relation to his course, is led to -examine how it is that a savage gains the instipct of his race. We often hear of the instinct of direc- tion," as we may call it, possessed so marvellously fey savage races. People profess to explain it in one of two js. It is either said that the Indian actually does take note of the sun, the wind, the lay pf the land. Or the course of the streams-which, as a fact, it is often, in the dense forest, impossible for him tcUllftrtor else it is set down simply as inattMfc" and this, although it is nearer the mark, is, in a -sense, to beg the question. Instinct, however it may be in the case of animals, is here, no doubt, heredi- 'tary experience. The sun, the wind, the streams, are influences,* but only that. The Intlian. does not Consciously observe them. Just as you, using an experience gained in daylight, can follow without bands in the dark a winding staircase between the baluster and the wall, so with the Indian in his forest. His observation is entirely subjective, an unconscious impression, the sum of small influences, to which, by heredity, his senses are alive, as the retina to light pictures. In the same way I had not consciously remarked the lay of the snow on the trees, yet the fact kept me from going astray A WALK TO THE INKSTAND.—In place of a palette, G. F. Watts, the famous English painted, who is now over 80, uses a white slab, lixed to a modelling bench, to catch the full strength of the light, and he cIai-ns to find many advantages in walkin to it frot-a his easel for each brushfu! of colour. This reminds a writer in a London newspaper of Lord Palmerston's expedient for coercing himself into a little regular daily exercise. It was his custom when in Govern- ment positions to have his'inkstand placed upon a table several yards away from the desk at which he worked, so that he had to walk several paces for each dip of ink. He attributed his maintenance of jgturdy health and jaunty manner, under the trying conditions of office routine, to this simple practice, as also his habit of performing all work standing. A WISE CRITIC.—The late Francisque Sarcey was for forty years a figure of great prominence in French literary life. As a critic of the drama, he was looked upon as one having authority, and praise from him meant success to the struggling playwright. His criticisms were honest, fearless, and independent, and it is remembered of hrm that,|he refused the honour of belonging to tfye French Academy, lest he should come under obligation to favour the plays written by other members. Sarcey's good sense was often put to the test. One day a friend came rushing into his room, waving a paper. What is' the matter" inquired the critic. "Here's some one," cried the other, "who has been calling you 'an imbecile'in print! Are you going to challenge: hiIllr" Sarcey smiled. "Certainly not," He replied. "I owe him my thanks; The public, will soon forget the word 'imbecile,' and will only remember hav- ing read my name." MADAMS PATTI'S SUIISTITUTE.-To setae persons a poor singer may be better than no singer at all, but the least musical person cannot fail to perceive the irony of the situation described below Once then travelling in the North of Ireland, an English- man of letters chanced upon a small town which, to his surprise, he found extensively filled with announcements of a concert at which Madame Patti was to appear. The price of admission to the back of-fche-hall-heing the-extremely moderate one of threepence, he hastened to secure a seat. After a long interval of waiting, the manager stepped forward, remarking: Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to say that Madame Patti is unable to appear to-night. In order, however, to save you from disappointment, I have arranged that Miss Arabella Jones, of our town of Ballvslaok uthery, shut4 faVotir you with a song I" 11 c. DUBLIN BOOTBLACKS.—Considering the' tools of eir trade, it is easy to exedit. the statement of the University Magazine that the bootblacks of Dublin in 1870 were "a numerous and formidable body," special stress being laid upon the word formidable." The polish they used was compounded of lampblack and rotten eggs. Their implements consisted of a three-legged stool, a basket containing a blunt knife called a spudd, a painter's brush and an old wig. A gentleman usually went out in the morning with dirty Soots or shoes, sure to find a shoeblack sitting on tie stool at the corner of the street. The gentleman jmts his foot, without ceremony, in the lap of the ehoeblack, and the artist scraped it with his spudd, Wiped it with his wig, and then laid on his compos- ition as thick as black paint with his painter's brush. The stuff dried with a rich polish, requiring no fric- tion, and little inferior to the elaborated modern fluids, save only the intolerable odours exhaled from the eggs, which filled any house that was entered before the composition was quite dry, and sometimes even tainted the air of fashionable drawing-rooms. Polishing shoes, we should mention, was at this time M refinement almost confined to cities, people in the country being generally satisfied with grease. MADAMB PATTI'S CAltEElt.-HFIt SPLENDID FEES.— Madame Patti's tour under Messrs. Harrison will .nd at Brighton on Nov. 24. It is rather a pity that her London concert is two days earlier, for the date it a very interesting anniversary. It, is possible the fact may have slipped even Madame Patti's memory tb»t exactly 40 years before, as a girl but three months short of 17—that is to say, on November 14, 1869—she made her operatic 'demit as an adult voca- list at the Academy of Muaio. New Ybrk, as Lucia. Since then, foi exactly 40years, the greatest prima donna Of her generation has enjoyed a practically unbroken Mties of triumphs. Rare indeed is soJongaterm of eatcess, rarer still is it to find afw 8Ó lengthy a Cllriet an'&rtist still in prime favour with the pnblic. &a to early struggles Madame Patti never had any. Her parents, the Barili-Pattis, had, and so had her krother-ih-law, and teacher, Maurice Strakosch, who Was a pupil of Pasta, and started ae an operatic tenor at. E4 a month. Patti was a child when she first began to warble operatic airs, and the tale is told that the future prima donna, standing on a chair and being promised sixpence for an encore, replied that she could not do it at the price, but would throw in two encores for a shilling. The same story, how- tyer, is told of Sir Arthur Sullivan when a boy focalist. Patti's first appearance waa at charity con- cert, under Maretzck, as a child seven years old, in 1850, when she sang the Sonnambula finale and Sckert's Echo" song. Then Strakosch took her on tour until 1856, when he wisely withdrew her for tguree years till her voice matured. Strokoach in 1859 Kid Madame Patti £ 20 a week; Frederick Gye, at r London debut in 1861, paid her £ lo0 a month) the first three representations being gratis. Patti to sing for Gye twice a week, and the manager gm very soon glad to give her £ 100 a night for each extra performance. Until she married the Marquis de Caux Madame Patti, according to Strakosch'* a Souvenirs d'un Impresario," never received more omwm 4:120 a night; but when Nilsson got £200, £ bttj £ s, fees went up to £210. She now receives from Sfcesrs-r Harrison £ 500 for each provincial, and for eacn london engagement—Daiiit News, THE TWENTTLTJI CENTURY. When will the twentieth century begin? Why there should be different answers to the question (writes B. F. Yanney, in the Scientific American) is a little puzzling to know. Of course, the first centuary began with the year 1, and closed with the year 100. The second century, then, be^an with the year 101, and closed with the year 200. Now following this method to the present time, there can be but one answer to the above question. The nineteenth century closes with the year 1900, and the year 1900 closes December 31. immediately after midnight, therefore, on December 31. 1900. is when the twentieth century begins. In other words, it begins with the first second of the first hour of the first day of January, 1901. The twentieth will have the greatest number of leap years possible for a centtiry-tainely, twenty-four. The year 1904 will be the first one, then every fourth year after that to and including the year 2000. j February will three timeshave fiveSundays; in 1920, 1948, and 1976. DESTROYING THE POINT.-Everyone knows the man who is notorious for so telling a story as to destroy its point. An English nobleman, Lord P., was noted for his success in thus ruining the pro- perity of a story. The author of "Collections and Recollections" exhibits a specimen of his lordship's peculiar art. Thirty years ago two large houses were built at Albert-gate, London, the size and cost of which seemed likely to prohibit tenants from hiring them. A wag christened them "Malta and Gibraltar, because they can never be taken." Lord P. thought this an excellent joke, and ran round the town, saying to every friend he met: I say, do you know what they call those houses at Albert-gate ? They call them Malta and Gibraltar, because they can never let them. Isn't it awfully good ?" Some one told Lord P. the old riddle: Why was the elephant the last animal to get into the Ark?" to which the answer is, "Because he had to pack his trunk." Lord P. asked the riddle of the next friend he met, and gave as the answer, Because he had to pack his portmanteau." MR. KIPLING ON AMERICAN GIRLS.—Mr. Kipling has an article in the Ladies' Home Journal on the American girl, about whom he should know some- thing. He put the girl of America above and beyond 8011 others. They are clever; they can talk. Yes; it is said that they think. Certainly they have an appearance of so doing." Mr. Kipling feels, how- ever, that the unlimited freedom enjoyed by the American young girl has its drawbacks She is- I say it with all reluctance—irreverent, from her 40- dol. bonnet to the buckets in her lfcj-dol. shoes. She talks flippantly to her parents and men old enough to be her grandfather. She has a prescrip- tive right to the society of the Man who Arrives. The parents admit it. This is sometimes embarass- ing, especially when you call on a man and his wife for the sake of information; the one being a merchant of varied knowledge, the other a woman of the Yorld. In five minutes your host has vanished. In another five his wife has followed him. and you are left with a very charming maiden, doubtless, but certainly not the person you came to see." She chatters and you grin, he says, but you leave with the very strong impression of a wasted morning. On this matter Mr. Kipling writes from experience. He has said to the husband and father in such circumstanbes,- Icftttveto see yoti," att(ttho answer he received was. You had better see me in my office, then. The house belongs to my women-folk—to my daughter, that is to say." He spoke1 with. truth (Mr. Kipling adds). The American of wealth is owned by his family. They exploit him for bullion, and sometimes it seems to me that his lot. is » lonely one. The women get the ha'pence; the kicks are all his own. Nothing is too good for an American daughter (I speak here of the moneyed classes). The girl take every gift ab a rnattei of course. Yet they develop greatly when catastrophe arrives and the man of many millions ;oes up or goes down and his daughter take to stenography or typewriting. Mr. Kipling has heard runny tales of heroism from the lips of girls who counted the principals among their friends. ROHEUT EMMET AND SARAII CURRAN.-One dark shadow hangs over the life of Curmn-the fate of Robert Emmet. Emmet, the brother of one of the most gilted of, the United Irishmen, fhomas Addis Emmet, and himself an enthusiastic rebel, was the leader of the hopeless attempt which a handful of :nen made to seize Dublin Castle in lsoa. Emmet toyed Curran's daughter Sarah, They were engaged to be married. Curran' knew nothing of the facts. He saw Emmet frequently at his house. but suspected nothing. Then the rising came. After its suppression Emmet could have escaped. But he wished to see Sarah Curran once more. He coacealed himself in a house near Curran's. He wrote to Sarah—tried to see her. Then his hiding place was discovered. He was arrested. His relations With Sarah Curran became pnblic. Curran's house was searched for papers, and Curran himself liad-to undergo an examinntion before his inveterate enemy, Lord Clare. Curran Was indignant. He refused to defend Emmet, refused even to see tho doomed rebel. "I did not expect yon," wrote Emmet, to be my counsel. I nominated you because not to have done^so might have appeared remarkable. Had Mr. been in town I did not wish even to have seen you, but as he was not I wrote to you to come to me at once. I know that I have done you very severe in- jury, much greater than I can atone for with my life; that attonement I did offer to make before the Privy Council by pleading guilty if those document were suppressed." Then, referring to his love for Sarah Curran, and to Curran's refusal to see him, he con- cluded I know not whether this" (his love for Sarah)" will be any extenuation of my offence-I know not whether it will be any extenuation of it to know that if I had the first situation in the land in my power at th is moment I would relinquish ittodevotemy life to her happiness. 'I know not whether success would have blotted out the recollection of what I have done^jbutl know that a man with the coldness of death on him need not be made to feel any other coldness, that he may be spared any addition to the misery he feels, not for himself, but for those to whom he has left nothing but. sorrow." On September 20. 1803, Emmet was hanged he was only 24. Sarah Curran spent the rest of her days in England, where I she died in 1808:-Corο,hill. I OONI PAUL.—Mr. Kruger's salary, little of which-, he spends, as he gi-,es, no dances or, dinners, and has no display, is £ 7000 a year, and he is allowed £ 300 for rent. Here is an interesting estimate of the man and his works as given by Sir Sidney Shippard in the Nineteenth CCIIItr..1f.in the course of an article on the present Transvaal crisis: Mr. Kruger's own people (says the writer) naturally admire his apparent gtrengthlof will, and what they regard as his success. That he is in many respects a very remarkable man that in his best days he has given proofs of determination, personal courage, natural ability, and great cunning, in dealing with men, must be admitted; but none the less he is an ignorant, obstinate, narrow-minded man thrust by force of circumstances and the blindness of British statesmen into a position which he ought never to have occupied. His government of the Transvaal for the last 18 years, if judged by its fruits, must be pronounced a dead failure. It has, indeed, enriched the members and hangers-on of a corrupt oligarchy through the plundering of the stranger within their gates; but it has kept the whole country back in every conceivable way, and has actually brought it to the verge of a civil war which might spread through the whole of South Africa. EASY SUBJECTS.—Among the living creatures which possess rewarding qualities for the photographer, the author of Wild Life at Home includes the agile and tuneful frog. Frogs are common enough almost everywhere, and are extremely easy to study and photograph. I once kept one as a pet in a little suburban garden, and we became great friends. I fed him with flies and worms until he would almost take them from my hand. He used to examine my contributions to his dietary for a few seconds in a wise sort of way, and then, darting out his long tongue with the quickness of aflash of lightning, literally pitch the food down his throat. I do not believe it is generally known that a frog's tongue is differently hung from that of nearly every other living creature. It is attached to the front part of the under jaw, and when at rest points down the animal's gullet. My tame friend was very fond of bluebottle flies, but I could never get him to tackle a wasp under any circumstances, although I tried him over and over again. Frogs cry out most pitifully when they have good reason to fear harm. I have often known them to do this when trying to cscape from the murderous swish of a mower's scythe. Some people are incapable of distinguishing frog music from that of a turtle dove. I was sitting on a roadside rail one summer's evening, watching a water-vole in a pond not far from Elstree, when three London cyclists rode by. One of them heard a turtle dove calling in a hedge close at hand, and cried out, "Bill, do you hear that frog a-croakin'?" His friend was in the act of expressing some mea- sure of surprise when his wheels carried him out of ear-shot.
THE WOMAN'S WORLD.
THE WOMAN'S WORLD. HERE are some sage maxims for the markied," given in the Evening Kews: Never both be angry at once. Never taunt with a past mistake. Never allow a request to be repeated. Never meet without a loving welcome. Never forget the happy hours of early love. Never talk at one another, either alone or in company. Let self-denial be the daily aim and practice of each. Neglect the whole world besides rather than one another. Never let the Bun go down upon thy anger or griev- ance. Never speak loudly to one another unless the house is on fire. Let each one strive to yield oftenest to the wishes of the other. Never make a re- mark At the expense of each other-it is a meanness. Never Figli over what might have been-, but make the most of what is. Never part for a day without loving words to think of during absence. Never find fault unless it is perfectly certain a fault has been committed, and always speak lovingly. Never let any fault you have committed go by until you have frankly confessed it and asked for forgiveness. ENGAGEMENT rings among the Egyptians were always of iron, to indicate the mutual sacrifice of liberty of the contracting parties. One of the very earliest adornments of betrothal rings was a load- stone, which symbolised the attractive force which drew a maid from her own family circle into that of her husband. The ring was used as an accessory of the nuptial rite long before the Christian era. In early times gold money used to circulate in Egypt in the form Of rings, and thus when a man placed a gold ring on the finger of his bride it was a token that he endowed her with his wealth. We trace the same idea in the marriage rite of the Church of England, which directs the bridegroom to place the ring on the bride's finger, saying "With all my worldly goods I thee endow." It is believed that the fourth finger has always been the bride's ring finger. It is interesting to note that he early Egyptian custom of paying gold in the f(lrm of rings has not entirely died out in Africa at the present day, and that English merchants trading with the Congo are quite accustomed to receiving gold in the form of rings, frequently ornamented with the signs of the zodiac in relief. SOM of the oldest betrothal-rings were set with rubies; they were the favourite stones for love- tokens. As a lucky stone it has no rival, driving away bad dreams and low spirits, and is believed to bring all sorts of good fortune to the wearer. An old legend tells that during the Flood Noah had an enormous ruby in the Ark, which lighted this great boat during the time of imprisonment. IT is a noticeable fact that many a- face whose features are anything but perfect has been called beautiful because the owner wears an expression of brightness, hope, or comfort. Indeed, no face, how- ever regular the features may be, can claim to be really beautiful unless it has a good expression. The best way to acquire a kind expression is to forget; oneself for no selfish person can really look genuinely pleased at another's pleasure or really be interested in another's life unless they do. AN American fashion writer has devoted an artiole to the manner of holding the skirt, an art which she maintains that English and American women have lost, while the French have retained it in perfection. According to this writer, the proper style is gradually creeping back into society circles in America. She says that a stylishly-gowned little woman picks up her skirt and pulls it straight from the back to the front, making about as ungraceful a spectacle of her- self as it is possible to conceive. And so the pro- cession moves on. until presently down from her carriage steps the girl who has just come home from Newport, and just observe the difference! To tell the truth, she is just the least bit glad that an opportunity has come so soon to put into practice the pretty new wrinkle she has so recently learned. Before she went to Newport this summer she carried her skirt much in the same ungraceful way as the girl who wrapped her skirts around her as she crossed the street. But the Society girl has learned a better way since then. She gathers the skirt in her hand at the back and lifts it straight up, with no lateral twist to the garment. A GOOD cucumber cream—the best thing possibl I for the complexion—may be made at home, with little trouble, says the Family Doctor. Wash and dry two large and thrAe small cucumbers, and cut into pieces about 2in. square. Put them into 6oz. of sweet almond oil. in a double boiler, the outer one being filled with cold water. Heat to boiling point, then let simmer without boiling for five hours. Strain, and to 6oz. of the strained liquid add loz. of white wax and 2oz. of lanoline. Put in saucepan 9&MP, and heat until thoroughly mixed, then remove worn fire and beat with egg-beater until cold. During the heating slowly add two teaspoonsful of tincture of benzoin. A WOMAN should have all the appliances that will really lighten the labour in her kitchen. Many of these things are inexpensive, and anyone who has a little ingenuity can arrange them. Perhaps you cannot afford one of tho very convenient kitchen cabinets that are so widely advertised, but a set of bracket shelves, securely fastened to the wall above he flour chest is a boon to the housewife who must go back and forth from the pantry to the kitchen with every cupful of flour or teaspoonful of salt or soon she uses. These shelves may be used for the baking powder, salt, mixing spoons, cake pans, pie tins, and other things used on baking day. A cre- tonne curtain hung on a brass rod in front of the shelves will keep the dust out. Utensils of granite or porcelain are lighter to handle than those made of iron, and if well cared for will last for years. CANE chair bottoms that have lost their elasticity may be made tight and firm as new, provided none of the canes are broken, by turning them bottom side upward and washing with hot water. Use plenty of water, so as to soak it well, and if dirty pile soap as well. b chair dry in the air. '1 HEAVY eider-down is the favourite for carriage wraps, lined with china silk, edged with a heavy silk cord and embroidered sparingly. A star of I feather-stitching is effective made with rope silk with a silk-covered button in the centre. If you are making a blanket and can gain access to an old pair of rose d blankets, copy one of the roses," using pink and blue or either colour with white. Ribbon lembroidery is most satisfactory on this heavy cloth. FOR home dressmaking provide yourself with a large pair of cutting-out scissors, a small pair of buttonholes; plenty of good pins. A large, clean dust-sheet to roll the work in, and to spread on the floor if the material is light. Plenty of cottons, tapes, and other working materials, especially needles each size, as many amateurs worry themselves, and waste their time, by using wrong-sized needle. 1 At least two or three hours of undisturbed time to set the work going. It is impossible 1 to make a dress at odd moments, except for those who are long past the ebige of beginners. No ] one can make a gown who cannot sew neatly and easily; but in these days of machines, it is chiefly necessary to be able to sew without puckering, and to fasten off well, that the dress need not be constantly renovated. We all love a tailor-built gown, because it is well cut, well pressed, and strongly sewn. A lock-stitch should be used, but if none but a chain- stitch is at hand, the machine should go over the body seam twice in opposite directions; for in case one stitch breaks, the whole seam will not then split ilpart. IF you want to be loved (advises the Evening News) -—Don't find fault. Don't believe all the evil you hear. Don't jeer at everybody s religious beliefs. Don't be rude to your inferiors in social position. Don't repeat gossip, even if it doeø interest a crowd. Don't underrate anything beusrYou don't possess it. Don't go untidy on the plea that everybody knows you. Don't contradict people, even if you are sure you are right. Don't conclude that you have never had any opportunities in life. Don't believe that everyone else in the world is happier than you. Don't be inquisitive about the affairs of even your most intimate friends. Don't get into the habit of vulgarising life by making light of the sentiment of it.
[No title]
BEN Ciwctx is not so well known to visitors to Scotland as Ben Nevis, but it is in many respects a remarkable mountain. It is the highest mountain in the OchU range, and the view to be had from the summit, both for grandeur and extent, is not sur- passed in the British Isles, consisting, as it does, of a panorama embracing no fewerthan 23 towns and por- tions of 25 counties. An electric railway is to be constructed to the summit of the mountain, and it it expected to be completed for next season. As a jl corollary to the railway project, it is intended to erect oo the summit alarge "hotel or sanatorium.
INATURALISATION OF EEa.
NATURALISATION OF EEa. An experiment in naturalisation is being tried on the bleak island of Anticosti, in the gulf of the St. Lawrence, that ought to be watched with great interest. Mr. Menier's agent there h-vs been in con- sultation with the officers of the Geological Survey at Ottawa as to the possibility of establishing bees on the island, and as a result of this the Canadian Government has decided to supply a sufficient number to start one or more apiaries. Mr. Percy Selwyn, the secretary to the survey, is himself a good apiculturist, and so takes a great interest in the matter. He doubts, however, if the experiment will prove successful, as there is no pasture land on the island, but only dense woodland. advises that a few acres should be cleared and seeded with white clover, which is indigenous to the neighbouring mainlond of Canada. With this there might be a chance of success. It is not stated, however, whether this fdv ce will be followed.
,ART AND LITERATURE. !
ART AND LITERATURE. THE Secretary of State for" ar has accepted Messrs. Cassell's and Company's offer of a number of their inagazi.nes and periodicals for troops in South Africa, and a supply of these, numbering many thousands pf copies, is now on its way to the Cape. A graphic illustrated account of the war in the Transvaal will appear in the new issue, just commenced, of Cassell's Battles of the Nineteenth Century." With Part I. is presented a large coloured map of the seat of war. Tup autuiun- exhibition in the Corporation Art Gallery at Manchester contains a very fair propor- tion of notewqrthy pictures gathered from recent shows in London, and is to be reckoned as a very adequate display of contemporary art. The chief canvases are Mr. W. L. Wyllie's Battle of the Nile"; Mr. Boughton's Wintry Spring" and "First of September in Scotland"; Mr. Coutts Michie's "Fleeting Shadows in Autumn Mr. J. L. Pickering's In Russet Clad Mr. E. A. Water- low s Forest Oaks M. D'Amato's Jubilee picture; Mr. David Murray's Green Summer-time Pro- fessor Herkomer's Madonna Mr. Tuke's Beside Green Waters"; Mr. W. Stott's "Autumn"; "The Awakening," by Mr. T. C. Gotch; "The Farm Ferry," by Mr. Austen-Brown; The Beginning of the Dance," by Mr. W. Llewellyn; and The Sun Dial," by Mr. E. A. Walton. MR. AND MRS. STANIIOPE FORBES have started an artistic venture which should be attended with very considerable success. Under the name of the New- lyn School of Painting, they have arranged to hold in the well-known Cornish art centre classes for male and female students, who will be trained mainly in painting from life. The number of prominent artists who have been willing to devote any part of their time to educational work has hitherto been far less in this country than abroad, so that the new school is to be welcomed as a valuable addition to the facilities enjoyed by students who prefer to gain their experience at home. TIIE new number of the Quiver contains the first chapter of an important work on the Life of the Redeemer. Dean Spence of Gloucester is responsible for the Paper on the Birth aud Infancy of Christ, and he will be followed in succeeding chapters by the Archbishop of Armagh, Dr. Marcus Dods, the Bishop of Ripon, Dr. Alexander McLaren, Professor Handley Moule, Dr. :Fairbairn, Dr. James Stalker, and other eminent divines. IT may not be generally known that the first woman to secure the gold medal at the Royal Academy was Louisa Starr, now Madame Canziani. In the new number of the Girl's Rmlm Mrs. Tooley tells the story of this success. The council of the Academy always give the subject for the medal pic- ture, and in the year in which Louisa Starr com- peted it was David bringing the head of Goliath to Saul;" rather a gruesome subject, but the young girl handled it so as to avoid horrible details. When about to paint it, she was at a loss for a model for Goliath's head, but her mother suggested the milk- man, who was a dark, swarthy roan. Miss Starr engaged him. Each morning, after his rounds, he came to her studio. As he usually slept throughout the performance, lie was much astonished at being handsomely paid for his time. The girl artist had never seen a corpse, and was quite frightened at the head of Goliath when it was done. After this triumph her next success was a Royal Academy portrait, which attracted great attention at the time. THE other lady artist who secured the Gold Medal of the Royal Academy is Miss Jessie Macgregor, who carried off the coveted prize while a mere girl. Miss Macgregor is a granddaughter of Mr, Hunt, a well- known painter of his day, and a member of the Royal Society of Water Colours. She was born in Liver- Ex>l, and educated at the Royal Academy Schools in ondon. The picture with which she gained the gold medal was entitled "An Act of Mercy," the subject being suggested by the Sermon on the Mount. Since then Miss Macgregor has had a long run of Academy successes. Among her best-known pictures might be mentioned "Grief," Jephtha's Voff," The Mistletoe Bough," and that remarkable picture Arrested,* which was popularly called the Nihilist," as it repre- sented a young Russian lady-a atiopect-beig brought up before an examining magistrate. Her last year's picture in the Academy was called The Secret Door." Two of her pictures, Jephtha's Vow and In the Reign of Terrar;" have been purchased for the Liverpool Art Gallery. THE honour of being the first woman to have her picture purchased under the terms of the Chantrey Bequest belongs to MM. Anna Lea Merritt. Her picture was called "Love Locked Out," and was added to the Chantrey Bequest Collection in 1890. Mrs. Merritt comes of Quaker stock, and was born and bred in the Quaker city of Philadelphia. She exhibited her first picture in the Royal Academy in 1872. It was a portrait of one of her sister*. At a latter date she won a medal at the Chicago Exhibi- tion for her remarkable oil painting entitled Eva." A NEW novel has just appeared, entitled "Roxane," by Louis Creswicke. It is the first important work by this writer, and is published by Messrs. Cassell and Company. The same publishers have just issued a new story from the pen of Mr. A. T. Quiller- Couch (Q), entitled The Ship of Stars," which is having a great vogue already. Mn. SBLWYN BRIXTON, whose Renaissance in Italian Art" must be familiar to many of our readers, has been preparing a volume on Correggio, for Messrs. Bell's Handbooks of the great masters in painting and sculpture. The book will appear in the beginning of next February. Before that date will be issued Mr. H. Strachey's book on Raphael, and Miss H. Guineas's on Andrea del Sorto. A GOOD example of the epistolary art as practised in England in the middle of the 18th century will be seen in a volume of Lady Jane Coke's Letters to her friend Mrs. Eyre at Derby, which Messrs. Sonnen- schein announce. The style of the letters is that of cultured, intelligent, observant women of the period. The writer gives us an insight into social life and manners. There are amusing passages about the fashions and gossip of the day. The authoress, whose letters are written chiefly from London and Windsor, was the eldest daughter of the first Marquis of Wharton. Mrs. Eyre was the daughter of Mr. Rowland Catton. of Etwall, M.P. for New- castle-under-Lyme. The volume contains portraits and facsimile letters. THE illustrating of books is developing some novel forms. Recently a stereoscope was given in a pocket at the end of a volume to enable the reader properly to appreciate the stereoscopic photographs which formed the pictorial attraction. Hand-coloured plates are/of course, well known and of very early use in.the illustration of printed books. A" History of Hornbooks," prepared by Mr. Andrew Tuer some time ago, was illustrated with excellent modern imitations of those lesson-books of our great-great- grandfathers. Maps in relief have been> inserted m books of travel. The step from illustrating a book on the flora of Palestine with specimens of dried flowers to illustrating a work on the coleoptera of Equatorial America with prepared carcases of horned and glittering beetles is not a very long one, and there is as much room for a small case of beetles on the inside cover of a volume as for a spectroscope or a hornbook. Books on jewels will no doubt in time contain paste imitations of the gems described. These works will be in great demand, but they will not be freely issued from the circulating libraries.
A NEW, OBSERVATORY.
A NEW, OBSERVATORY. The Lincolnshire County Committee have given their consent to the erection of an observatory in the Keep of the old Castle at Lincoln. A set of very valuable astronomical instruments has been offered by the executors of the late Canon Cross, of Appleby. The committee promoting the scheme propose to raise the funds for the erection and maintenance of the building by public subscription, and to ask the county committee to receive the whole property, in- cluding the instruments, in trust for the county.
A NOVEL LEGACY.
A NOVEL LEGACY. A will has just been lodged in Scotland which shows novelty in the art of legacy-leaving. The sum of EIOO is left to a certain gentleman in Cupar, who was formerly editor of the Fifeshtre Journal, in recognition of his services to the Universities of St. Andrews and Edinburgh in publishing in one of his leading articles in that journal his opinion of ths conduct of the then students, which has done more good to the framework of society than any scholar- ship or bursary. There will probably be a bad time for the students, since journalists will be sure to go for them, in the hope that some other guardian of the framework of society and his money will be parted. I
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THE highest observatory in Germany is now com- Jleted. It .is situated an the Schnee Koppo, the ighest summit of the Silesian Mountains, at an elevation of 5216ft. It will be managed as a Prussian State Institute. elevation of 5216ft. It will be managed as a Prussian State Institute. THIEVES set the church belle ringing faring the night in an American town. People ran firom their ¡ houses in excitement to ascertain the cause, and in I their absence the robbers rushed into the houses, taking everything they could lay their hands on. IN conformity with the faculty conferred by the J final Act of the International Peace Conference, the Austro-Hungarian representative at the Hague, signed all the treaties and declarations agreed on at the conference. A mam has just, retired from active service after Sorking as a platelayer for 61 years on the Midland •ilwoy at Matlock Bath.
v HOME HINTS. ,,,j
v HOME HINTS. ,j ToVATO gorp.-Take four large ripe tomatoes, and eook tillquite tender in a pint of vegetable stock, and then proas through a sieve. Meanwhile melt a good ounce of fresh butter in a delicately clean, enamelled pan; add a good half-ounce of either crevue-de-riz or good flour, and as soon as it is amalgamated and has cooked for a minute or two (without colouring, how- ever) add the tomato puree let it simmer for five minutes or so, and then heat a gill of cream, and stir it into the well-beaten yolks of two raw eggs; then, after letting the tomato puree cool a little, stir it into the eggs and cream repeat all together in the bain- marie (or. failirig.thia,in a jug set in a saucepan of boiling water), and send to table garnished either with croutons or -tiny quenelles of forcemeat, pre- viously poached in a little boiling and salted stock. Be very careful that the soup, does not boil after the cream and eggs are added, or it will inevitably curdle. PCREE OF LENTILS ( TIII' K LENTIL SOUP ).— Thoroughly wash in several waters ib. of lentils, then place them in a saucepan with a generous quart of the vegetable stock, and bring them to the boil. Then add a small onion and carrot, and a slice or two of turnip, or a couple of Jerusalem artichokes, a pinch of soda, and pepper and salt to taste; bring to the boil again, and then simmer till done, from an hour and a-half to two hours. Then pass all through a fine wire or hair sieve, add 3oz. of good butter, and send to table very hot. PUREE OF VEGETABLES (THICK VEGETABLE Sorp). —For this it is better to-use meat stock! still, that made as described above can be used, and is very nice, especially for children -and old people. Prepare a large onion, a young carrot, four Jerusalem arti- chokes, a couple of good cooking potatoes (those that are floury when boiled), a slice or two of turnip, and a bit of celery fry them in butter in the saucepan in which you intend making your soup till they are delicately brown all over, keeping them, of course, well turned and shaken to ensure this; then, in ten minutes or so, add a pint and a half of stock, and simmer till the vegetables are tender (from an hour and a-balf to two hours). Then press through a sieve, and add a good gill of thick cream, mixed with the well-beaten yolks of one or two eggs, and then heat all up in a double-lined saucepan or jug set in a saucepan of boiling water till the soup is sufficienty thick. Failing cream, use new milk. Pepper and salt to taste. BosTOK PIE.—31b. of lean beef steak cut into strips, stewed till tender in water which just covers the meat, in which you have a teaspoonful of finely- chopped parsley, and of lemon thyme and marjoram. Add a teaspoonful of sliced onion, half a teaspoonful of pepper, and a teaspoonful of salt. When the meat is tender thicken the gravy by stirringint6 it a table- spoonful of cornflour, mixed to a smooth paste with a tablespoonful of Worcester sauce. Arrange the meat in a pie-dish with alternate layers of thinly- sliced boiled ham and sliced hard-boiled eggs, flavour- ing them with a slight grating of nutmeg. Fill up the dish with the gravy. CARROTS A LA CREME.—Trim some new carrots in the usual way, boil, and drain. Melt loz. of butter in a saucepan, add a dessertspoonful of flour, pepper, salt, grated nutmeg, and two or three spoonfuls of cream. Put the carrots in this, simmer gently for a few minutes, and serve. DEVILLED LoBSTER.-Either a fresh fish or tinned one of a good brand will do for this. If tinned, pour away the liquor and cut the fish in pieces add an equal quantity of breadcrumbs or mashed potato, or both mixed, moisten with milk, and season with pepper or cayenne. Grease some scallop shells or small saucers, sprinkle with breadcrumbs, half fill with your mixture, place some bits of butter on the top, after having covered the, mixture with bread- crumbs, and bake in a quick oven. Send the shells to table on a folded napkin, placing a tiny piece of parsley on centre of each. VEGETABLE MARROW PRESERVE.—Peel the marrows and remove all the seeds cut the marrow in pieces to imitate preserved ginger, boil them with their weight of loaf sugar until the pieces become trans- parent. No water is required. Flavour with ginger and lemon according to taste. Cover in glass jars in the usual way. A GOOD RECIPE POR PICKLED Mustiizooma. -First cut the stalks off, then wipe the mushrooms, and lay out singly on a dish, and sprinkle well with salt; turn about for two days, then put them in a saucepan, and boil till the liquid is boiled away. Add boiling vinegar (about a pint to a pound of mushrooms), ginger, cloves, and pepper to flavour. Then bottle and let cool. They are then ready for use. Made this way they are excellent pickles. BURNS AND SCALDS. — These dreaded accidents happen sometimes when no doctor or skilled nurse is at hand to say what to do; and a mother should know what simple remedies to use without any delay or hesitation with the things likely to be at hand. One important thing to remember is, whatever jou put on to leave it and not keep taking it on and off. The great thing is to keep out the air and to apply something healing and soothing. A cloth dipped in oil and lime-water is perhaps the best if it can be had. A remedy which I once knew heal a bad burh from boiling lard was a cloth thickly spread with lard from which three washings in boiling water had removed all the salt. This was put gently on, well covering the edges of the sore place, and over it a warm bread poultice which was warm but not too hot. This was all kept in place with soft towels and safety pins The poultice was renewed at intervals, but the larded cloth left on. Vaseline would have been better, and should always be kept in a home where there are children, but in this case the lard completely healed a bad burn in a few days. GARC.LING.-Every child should be taught, to gargle as soon as it is old enough to understand the direc- tions of nurse or mother. The art of gargling may be taught as a kind of game, and, as many a child's liIe has been lost through inability to understand the doctor's directions when sfcrnously ill", mothers will do (Well to see that their children acquire it. STEWED EELS.—Cut the eels in pieces, season, and lay in a jar, with melted butter in the proportion of one large tablespoonful to the lb. of eels. Strew over an onion choppod fine, with some parsley, cover close, and set into a pot of cold water; bring gradually to the boil, and cook slowly until the eels are tender. CAKE OY Tff]C COPFZrPOT.-Even the most careful housekeeper is often inclined to be negligent in the care of the coffee-pot. This is not because of care- lessness, but because she does not understand the proper method of cleaning and its importance. The pot may be carefully rinsed after each cleaning ana yet be far from clean. There is an oily property about coffee, which adheres in,spit^ pf rinsing out; .Yon can see this'for yourself1 by taking almost any coffee- pot that has been some time in use-unless it has been carefully kept—and you will find clinging to it a sort of black grease—not brown- which will come off if a cloth is rubbed round the inside. Now, this deposit, for some reason which I should like to have explained (say." Janet," of the Evening Aew&^destroys the flavour, fragrance, and colour of coffee. If the coffee looks black-brown instead of a ruddy-brown it will be flavourless, however strong. To keep this black oil from the pot it must be daily washed (not simply rinsed), scalded, and dried. If the French coffee-pot is used, each piece should be carefully, dried before it is put away. If packed together wet, the strainers will in time give a metallic taste. If it is found that the coffee-pot has been neglected, put a piece of washing-soda into hot water, set the strainers in it, and let them stand on the stove for a few hours. Put the same into the coffee-pot; then'rub and brush till the wire gauze is clear, and all the black removed; then run boiling water through and dry it.
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PSBKIRS Brown started out a year ago to hunt for a wife." Jorkins Did be get one? Perkins Well, not exactly. One got him." TELL me, doctor, were you successful with that Estient in the next street ? Partially so; 1 cured' im, but I haven't succeeded in'getting any money out of him yet," WHAT can you offer my daughter that equals or of him yet." WHAT can you offer my daughter that equals or excels what she has now ? demanded the old man. Well," replied the young man, after a minute or two of serious thought, I certainly think the name of I' Martindale is an improvement upon that of Scraggs." A LATE eminent medical man waa for many years General S 's physician. Once when that distin- guished officer complained, Your stuff's doing nao: no good," he remarked: Take Shakespeare's advice, then, and throw it to the dogs." There are too many valuable dogs in our neighbourhood," the I General replied. FIBST MEDICAL STUDENT What s worrying you ?" Second Medical Student: You know I am desperately in love with Miss Beautie." First Medical Student: Yes, and I have noticed lately that she has a sad, dreamy, soulful expression." Second Medical Student: That's it. I don't know j whether it's her love or her liver." IJhe man who is always trying to cteate a sensa- tion will very soon get so that he can't create even a i disturbance. < MOTHER I don't like the look of that boy I saw C playing with to-day. You mustn't play with little boys, you know." Son: Oh. he isn't a bad little boy, mother. He's a good little boy. He's been sent to a reformatory two times, and they've let, him out each time on account of good behaviour i" j STOF or I'll shoot 1" called out the patrol police- j nan." Ha, ha I" laughed the malefactor, nor ] paused in his flight. Stop," the rolioeman pow shouted, thoroughly incensed,oir tit sbo«tx' at random I" Hers the malefactor baited at once; fot L wta to such as hs life is sweet.
Advertising
—^ POST FREE. f-> t: ït)) ,-i"i\ '-j i", -) T' !iI!! ft' D- ii ¥1 :1 fl{1 i ¡i' I II Vi L,("tâ U ATROPHY nm! VARSCOCELE, by M.D., Ch.I., ,y:t;1 -j c -al ch:n>rers on the explanation of Vital Secrets, and the certain CURE OF Prostmtlr.v DEBILITY and DECAY. This work is .he purest truitie in ESSENTIAL MATTERS, and treats in an exhaustive manner the í ,f the various <li>ea«* which emanare fr<»;:i abuses of all kinds, as well as those which arise lunui^n no fault of the snllerer. A few of the ailments which the work treats of are Exhall'.t\'d'\ït:dit., »Sperniatorrlia.^a, louthiul Imprudence, Lost Manhood, Premature Decayt iJespo-MttMiey, Loss of hnerjjy, Weakness, Wnmess of Sight, Brain Fa^f, Nervous- ness IWotehes on the Skin, Loss of Memory, Melancholy, Noises in the Ears, Liver Complaints, i>lailil(T and Kidney Complaints, and every lonn of disease peculiar to the Urinary Urgans. It should be read by everyone, and will be found of inestima'ble value. Its compilation is the result of many years' experience in the treatment of t'hese diseases, and the author is sure that it will be found a complete treatise on these distressing ailments. Write for a copy to-day and I will send one FREE OF CHARGE. AddressSurgeon," 7 Bristol Gardens, Brighton, Sussex, England. Name this paper.
I I AMEHICAN HUMOUH.
I AMEHICAN HUMOUH. •TUMI .BILLINGS wrote: I would just az soon hav a ,n i.-)e, the biggest one that the blessed old flad, IlZ tuha. It pairtite boots. Thare isn't like thare isn't no bitterness lik-3 if rs. '.ii;,re isn i no eskape from their tnizery, nor no 11-t t ore .3 for their wickedness. And ¡I",re are people who cultivate them, and grinand lfir lln'iii. who limp and wear theill. who are proud '■ "lure they pinch, and who rejoice the more they ;>u-k.'r. 1 loathe tite boots; they are the ideot's I) !y. and a fool A revenge upon himself. I never had lut une pair ov tite boots on me in mi life. I wore lu ii! a week,and then soaked them three days in kvnicene oil, filled them with tar, and sot fire to them, "lid wunldnt take 75 dollars now for the common •t-iise they lent me. Lfe long enufT for enny man to outgro al: hi;: fuUys. but the. man who kan't learn from one pair ov tite boots the sum and substance ov that kind ov foolishness iz liable at every time to follow a ilok ot in ifie wilderners and gir lost, or be et tip by tvese in the midst of civilizashun on the village <:UI:III1OI1. THe boots are the cheapest insult that enny man ever submitted to; they are the lowest-priced mum rdum we hay enny ackount ov; they pander to the meanest kind ov pride; and the man who will wear out one pur ov them, and then buy another, wants HZ mutch watching az a common theif duz. I would rather sit all day with mi feet in the stocks, ur in a bake oven, than to be seen creeping about with I a pair ov number 10 feet choking to deth in a pairov ilumber 8 boots. P: nsE PROUD FATHER: Can you support my daughter in the style to which she has been accus- t ollled:" Complacent Young Man: "I could if I wore contented with it, but I hope to give her some- thing better." I SiiKi'iiEKP My dear man, if I gave you a penny it. would only be providing the means for you to steep yourself in the cursed drink." Supplicant: Look I ere, mister, if yer puts me on to the place you gets l oosed at fer that price (confidentially) I don't mind givin' yer a tanner for yerself." MOTHKR: I don't see why you and your husband should have so much trouble. You don't belong to liferent churches, do you?" Daughter: "No. mother." Mother: Then there is no excuse for I like cats and dogs. WHY did you change milkmen?" Well, I dis- covered that the one I am taking milk from now has a nice, clear spring on his farm, while the other had I nothing but a cistern." Som: people," said the boy, never thank ye, no mat ter what ye do fur 'em. A feller put a bent pin on the teacher's chair th' other day, an' when the teacher was about to set down I pulled the chair out from under him to save him from the pin. An' by George, he licked me fur it!" WHY don't you put out the gas?" he asked, &!efp))y. "I have," replied his wife, scornfully. Ail that remains to be done' now is to powder your nose." IDA They say Maud didn't succeed as a nurse." May: -No; she aroused the patient every few minutes to ask him if he was resting easy." Do you mate much out of your apples ?" asked the visitor. Oh, pretty considerable," answered the farmer; but I've got a son up in the town who makes more out of the apples in a month than I make the whole season." A farmer, is he ?" No; he's a doctor. I'm talking about green apples now." "TilE gradual accumulation of wealth in a few hands," said the rich young man, is AL serious problem. True," replied the poor girl, but in in- dividual cases the danger may be at least partially eli- minated by securing the proper assistance in dispos- ing of what accumulates. There are, you know, some fields of human endeavour in which woman is pre- eminent." HOAX I wonder why it is the noblemen who come over here give themselves so many airs ? Joax: Oh, I suppose it's because we give them so many heiresses." No," said the convicted saloon-keeper, I won't hl1". you to,defend another case for me." "But," his lawyer protested, "you know you were guilty, and you knuw, too, that theevidence against you was over- whelming." "Oh, I don't deny that, but after having the case postponed four times you run out of ex- cuses. A lawyer what ain't got no more resources than that can't git fees from me." JUDGK Did you steal the hog, or did you not?" Prisoner: "No, judge, I did not; but if yo' kind ob thinks I'se lying about it, and am gwine to give me six months for lyin', I'd sooner lie about it and say I did steal de hog, and get two months for stealin' da hog I didn't stole!" NATIVE: "If Oi should decide to come to New York, how long would it be before Oi could vote?" Casey (of Tammany Hall, on a visit): "Will, Oi don't, kape thrack of thim election days, but Oi think there's another wan in about four months." A VERY little fellow has a very lively tongue, and talks so much at meals that on a recent occasion, when there were to be guests at the table, his elder brother bribed him with a nickel to be still. After ten minutes of silence, the little boy whispered anxiously to his brother: "Arthur, Arthur, mayn't 1 tulk a cent's worth ?" FELLER by the name of Stang, here in the village, made a funny mistake the other night," said the loquacious landlord of the tavern at Pettyville. '• He hopped out of bed, about midnight, to git some medicine for the colic, and by mistake in the dark took a big swigg out of a bottle of scarlet dye that his wife had put away to save for future use. About ten minutes later he was hollerin' like he had swallowed a red-hot torchlight procession." "Did he die ? asked the drummer to whom the landlord was relating the yarn. Wa'al—er—" was the reply, he did and he didn't." What do you mean by that ? Why, he dyed on the inside, but he is still alive on the outside. Another funny thing about it is that while he is undoubtedly very red inwardly, he still lookd awful blue outwardly." Hs who best knows how to propitiate the mother of his best girl has the battle more than half won. This has to do with a bungler in the line referred to. He called at the pretty house in National-avenue, and made the mistake of trying to entertain the mother instead of allowing the mother to entertain him while waiting for the girl, who had not com- pleted her toilet. What are the three latest methods of rapid communication?" he asked very early in their conversation. She gave it up, and he glibly said Telegraph, telephone, and tellawoman." That she was indignant appeared in the fact that she did not laugh, and went on to tell what a revival of old jokes there had been of late. But he never twigged and continued to be smart. The mother determined to be watchful. The daughter came and the mother excused herself, only to find a seat in the back parlour. She had taken a dislike to the youth and was on duty. The baby of the household came in, and, as a matter of course, toddled right to the corner occupied by sister and her steady." Full five minutes mamma sat in alert silence and then baby chirped: "Tiss me too, sister." Sister always has her head and at once said, in a raised tone of voice: "Baby should not say Kiss me two,' say Kiss me twice. But the mother is not easily hoodwinked. She smiled grimly as she walked into the parlour and said that baby was quite too young to take lessons in grammar. Then she sat down and coldly chaperoned the couple until the smart young man left. MR. JAY (of Wayback): I just tell you what it is-them there New Yorkers ain't no better nor so many thieves, for them wot don't steal is in sym- pathy with them wot does." Neighbour Ye do-ant say'( True es preachin'. I a circular some time ago from a New York firm offerin' 2000dols. wuth o fust-class counterfeit greenbacks for 500dols. Well, I just jumped at it-" In course." Well, I raised oOOdols. on a mortgage quicker'n a wink an' took th' train fer New York. The firm met me at the depot, took me to their office, showed me the money. 2000dols. of as purty a printin' as you ever looked at, put it in a box fer me, took my 500dols., an' accompanied me back to the depot." "Mighty perlite." Huh! Quick as they left I opened the box fer another peep, an' wot dye think I found- nothin' but wrapin' paper an' rags. Phew! wasn't 1: mad I rushed about yellin'' stop thief!' an' a big crowd gathered, an' when I told 'em how I'd beer swindled, wot d'ye think they did? Thet jai* Is-ughed." y
FUN AND FANCY.
FUN AND FANCY. 'jHT do you think of your new neighbours 7* n- i-d the hostess of the sweet" old lady who was r tiling. "Yon know that I never speak unkindly of ne. I have nothing to say of her; but I will "MY of her husband that I feel very, very sorry fof ll NELLY, I want an explanation from you. I saw yo kiss young Johnson this evening." Well, papa. kissed me first." EHMOURED YOCTH May I hope tofind a place in ii- heart?" Lady Love (up-to-date): If you look sli >vp. There are only a few choice locations left." LIENTLEMEX of the jury," said an eloquent Q.C., member that my client is hard of hearing, and thai, therefore, the Toice of conscience appeals to him in vain!" ILNSKET What can I send you up to-day, Mrs. S- \s?" Mrs. S. .1 Send me a leg of mutton, and be sure it is from a black sheep." Brisks: "A black sii.-ep?" Mrs. S. "Yes; we are in mourning you kiio»v." HELP help!" cried the man who was being robbed. "Calm yourself," said the highwayman, I don't need any assistance." A WOMAN who went into a photographic establish- ment the other day to have a picture of her baby taken, gave the child a preliminary spanking in order, as she said, to bring a healthy bloom into its cheek. so it would make a pretty picture." WIFE "Henry, dear." Husband: Well l' "WiTe I want to make a bargain with you. If you will let me have two pounds this afternoon I will let you do three pounds' worth of grumbling about my extravagance." VICAR (severely, to his cook): Mary. you had a soldier to supper last night." Cook: Yes, sir; he's my brother." Vicar: But you told me you had no brother." Cook". "So I thought, sir, until you preached last Sunday, and told us we were all brothers and sisters." I TnouGHT you said, Grumpy, that you would never allow your wife to ride a bicycle?" So I did; but she happened to hear of it." CHICAGO HOTEL CLERK: I shall have to give you a rootn on the eighteenth floor, sir." Guest: All right. If anyone calls to see me, tell them I am out of town." SHE: I didn't expect to see you. Somebody tolb me you had met with an accident the other day." He: Oh, no that was my brother." She: I'm SO sorry!" HE: Our next-door neighbour can read her hus- band like a book." She: Yes; and she can shut him up like one, too." Do you take this man for better or for worse P" asked the minister. I can't tell till I've had him for a while," returned the bride. CUSTOMER (looking over the wares) I can't see a useful thing in all your stock." Silversmith: Of course you can't. These are all wedding presents." FITz: What does 'R.S.V.P.' stand for ?" Mac: Well, to judge by the conduct of some society people, I should say it meant, Bush in, Shake, hands, Vitual up, and Proceed home. BOOKKEEPER Can you let me off this afternoon, sir ? My grandmother is dying." Employer: She will have, to wait a day or two, Mr. Legers. I am going to the football match myself this afternoon." 1 11 YOUNG AUTHORESS (reading aloud): But perhaps I weary you?" Enthusiastic Friend: "No: I long to hear the end of your story." BROWN: How do you like your new house, J oneil r Jones "Oh, very well. There's only one object- ionable feature about it." Brown: Well, what's that ?" JODM:" The landlord'ii." OLD GENT (to urchin): Have you no occupation, my boy ?" Boy: Yus sir I'm a collector of rare coins. You haven't got a spare bob about yer, have yer 7* LrrTLE SITHTKINS (who has been nearly drowned): It was simply marvellous. A-a I sank for the third time all the incidents of my past life came vividly before me." Robertson (brutally) I say, old chap, did you remember that fiver I lent you last year ?" "JOHN." she said softly, "have you been saying anything about me to mother lately ?" No replied John why do you ask?" "Because she said this morning that she believed you were on the eve of proposing to me. Now, I do not wish you to speak to mother when you have anything of that kind to say. Speak to me, and I'll manage the business with mother." And John said he would. HOUSEHOLDER: I am going to move to the suburbs next Monday, and I'd like you to do the job.* Furniture Remover How many loads ?" I don't know. You moved me once, you remember." "Yea I needed three van-loads then to do it; but that was some years ago. Have you moved since 1" "Yes, indeed half-a-dozen times." "Hum! I think one van will carry all you have left." MRS. DE STrLE: "-What has become of Clara Brighteyes ?" Mrs. De Fashion: Horrors! Do not mention that woman in fashionable society, I beg ef you!" Mrs. Intheswim:" Yes, isn't it awful? And the shameless thing admits it, too." Mrs. De Style: "Mercy! Admits what?" Mrs. Intheswim (in an awe-stricken whisper) She has married for love." MR. BROWN: Good morning, Mr. Jones; how's your wife?" Mr. Jones (who waa deaf, and thought a remark had been made about the weather): Very blustering and disagreeable again this morning." GENTLEMAN I thought you were a blind beggar 1. Beggar: That's my lay, guv nor." Gentleman Well, you are not blind now." Beggar (indignantly): Well, sir, can't a poor fellow take a day off occa- sionally?" You can't always judge a man by his clothes; but you can sometimes get some idea of him by his wife's, MRS. MCANDREW I could have married six of the wealthiest men in Edinburgh." Mr. McAndrew Why didn't you ? The whole six might have been able to buy your dresses." MY good woman," said the clergyman to the sorely-tried matron, did you ever try neaping coals of fire on your husband's head P" No, your rive- rence, but Oi've thrown a lighted lamp at him once or twice." BROWN:" Hooker is a character, isn't he 1" Down: NO; nothing but an understudy." SHI I wonder why you ever married me." HE: "Because I thought I loved you, of coarse. Did you get the notion that it was to pay a bet ?" POLITICS may make strange bedfellows, but they are always willing to lie on their own aide. HE: "I love you,; do you love me?" She (faintly): Y—yes." He:" Ah then you'll be mine?" She (firmly): No. You'll be mine." LITTLE CLARENCE: Pa, what do people feather their nests with ?" Mr. Callipers: Cash down is the best thing I know of." TRAMP: "Will the gentleman give a trifle to a poor man?" "How do I know you are a poor man ?" Tramp: How do I know you are a gentle- man ? It's only by the outside that either of us can judge the other." Boy: Pa, what is a hero A hero is a man who tries to read a newspaper in the same room with A boy about your size,' replied the papa. SATIRE is the art of stepping or. a man's toea without spoiling the polish on his boots. PUBLISHBR Can you turn out another book in. three weeks ?" Author Why so soon ?" It will never do to let the public forget you." THE melancholy days have come," So sings the poet sad But if he wouldn't sing so much They wouldn't be so bad. MAUDE: George, I think I oughtn't to marry you, for I don't believe you love me at all." George (ardently) "Why, my darling, I am passionately, desperately, madly in love with you. I worship THE very-' Maude: You talk well enough, George, but those letters you wrote to me when you were away were so cold that they froze my heart. One would think you were writing to your washerwoman about her bill." George I —was—engaged—to—A —girl—once—before, and when ,he sued me for breach of PROMISE, all my letters t; her were—read out-in-open--court. THE man who's always PUNCTUAL Must soon learn how to ,øit. Because the man whom he's to meet Is usually late. It pays. though, to be punctual, For then YOUK can look grim And tell your friend how much you an Superior to him. HAPPIKESS is a roadside flower, blooming on te kichwav of usefulness.