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-, 'TEA TABLE TALK.
TEA TABLE TALK. Mme. Emmy Destinn, the world-famous Soprano, is the possessor of an extraordinary Baascot in the shape of a" matrimonial boot." Reading that a Belgrade lawyer's clerk named Handritch met his bride through picking up in a tram-car an eighteen-but- toned boot, for the owner of which he adver- tised, Mme. Destinn cabled her agent in Vienna, to obtain this Cinderella, "slipper" &t any price. The eighteen-buttoned boot is now suspended by ribbons over the mirror in- Mme. Destinn's dressing-room. ° r The Chinese -send three invitations to the guests whom they desire to see at their great' feafts. The first is dispatched two days be- fore the feast; the second on the day itself, in order to remind those they have invited of their engagement; and the third just before' the hour has arrived, so as to show how im- patient they are to see their friends. The following are some of the "prefer- ences of Queen Alexandra, as recorded in a scrap-book at Belvoir Castle. Her favourite King and Queen are Queen Dagmar and- Richard Coeur de Lion. Her favourite hero, poet, and artist are Wellington, Byron, and, Sir Joshua Reynolds. Her favourite author* Charles Dickens. Her favourite virtue, Charity. Her favourite colour, Blue. Her favourite dish, a French tart. Her favourite flower, the Rose. Her favourite name, Mary. Her favourite occupation, Reading aloud. Her favourite amusement, "Driving my ponies.1" Her favourite motto, "Dieu et Mon Droit." Her favourite locality, Home. Madame Patti has had many remarkable ovations in her time; but, the most startling, and the prettiest of them all was at Rioj when, on her, appearance, thousands of hum- ining-birds were released on the stage, and, -in the words of one who was present, "enve- loped the diva in a rainbow cloud of flutter- ing wings.3' The talking postal card is the intention of a French engineer, and has become very (popular in France. The person wishing to ,send a talking postcard to a friend enter- the booth and talks into a machine that re- cords the words on the specially prepared. .postal card. When the recipient receives the -card, a hundred or a thousand miles away, lie or she takes the card to the nearest postal, ibooth, and inserts it in a machine which talks, the message it contains. The. record, on the postal card is indestructible, aid the exact voice of the sender is heard. A rug said to be worth more than CIO,000 -and the finest in the world has been pre- sented, to the White House at Washington by a wealthy Armenian merchant of New, York, ,This precious rug is of imperial silk, heavily, jewelled with rich pearls, turquoises, rubies, and other precious stones- It has been sframed as a screen for the adornment of the Presi- dent's parlour. Queen Helena of Italy is an accomplished linguist, and she spoke and wrote French fluently even before she was perfect in Italian. At one time there seemed to be some likelihood that she would be married to the Czar, and at twelve years of age she went to St. Petersburg to learn the Russian, langu- age. Her Majesty also speaks Servian, and under the pen-name of "Ferfalla Azzurra" she has written beautiful poems in French, Russian, and Servian. Very fond alike of travelling and of science, Queen Helena is :also a clever artist and a keen sportswoman. Miss Billee Burke, the well-known actress, once had a very trying experience while on the stage. One night, prior to the perform- ance, she received a letter from a msln who gaid that be intended to make a drawing of tber while she was acting', and asked her; to stand m near the footlights as possible. This letter made Miss Burke very nervous, and when she went on the stage she saw the 'Writer of the letter sitting in a box, with a large piece of paper and a pencil before him, and directly she appeared he set to work to sketch her. The knowledge that the man's eyes were upon her wherever she went made &er feel absolutly unstrung, "and at last," she says, "I got so upset-that it was with the jgreatest difficulty that I refrained from ask- ing him to leave the theatre. I never played so badly before or since; and indeed, at one aafoment I thought I should have to walk off the stage." Miss Leonore O'Reilly, who is perhaps the anost powerful orator among the American uffragists, was complimented recently on iher eloquence. "It is my splendid subject," said Miss O'Reilly modestly, "that makes me -seem to speak well. My subject affords me tmany telling things to say, and I say them simply. That is all." And perhaps the fol- lowing story which she relates helps her to keep to that resolve: One night J saW a (working man whom I knew lounging at the doorway of a public hall, and 'from inside came a continuous and earnest bellowing. ,C Do you know who's speaking?' I asked my friend. 'Or haven't you been in?' 'Oh, yes, I've been in,' said he. 'Blaggs is speak- ing.' 'What about? I inquired. My friend sighed and shook his head. 'He hasn't said yet,' he answered." < The presents exhibited at fashionable jWeddings are not always legitimate gifts. A lady of title, recently married, borrowed goods to the value of Z500 to decorate the twedding present table, and I know that much "of the furniture used on the morn of festivity jWa-s loaned. Some years ago a statue of Hercules in solid silver, worth £ 250 at least, iWas lent to a lady whose daughter was to, be married shortly afterwards. Of course, the lovely figure posed as a wedding present. ■Willingly the borrower gave El Is. for the three days' possession. Many as were the gifts bestowed on a recent bride, her august papa deemed them insufficient, and elaborate jewellery was borrowed from every respect- ,able silversmith. Salvers, cabinets, toilet ;arhcles, etc., all of solid silver, diamonds, trinkets, huge bronze figures, marble IJttekeepers, etc., were obtained, and, ac- Ol'ding to the Press, the wedding was a suc- 10'068. A list of presents (?) was given. Mrs. Hetty Green, the richest woman in America—and possibly in the world—main- tains that it is a mistake for American women to seek titled husbands abroad. "Let American girls stay at home, and marry ■sober, honest, hard-working young Ameri- cans. Why go aroad for husbands and fare orse? she says. She is a great believer in Ibonest dealing, and attributes her own suc- cess to her rigid adherence to "straight" principles. Mrs. Green is no advocate for votes for women. She once remarked: "I 1a111 not saying I want a vote—but if you are a woman with money you are just as powerful as a man with money. Money is the real power in the political situation to-day." Every guest at a Norwegian wedding brings the bride a, present. In many parts a keg of butter is the usual gift, and, if the marriage takes place in winter, salted or frozen meat is offered. < When Queen Wilhelmina was a child hei governess, an Englishwoman, once set her to draw a map of Europe. The map came out ivith Holland an enormous country, sprawl- ing over the whole continent, and the British Isles invisible. "But where is Eng- la.nd?" the governess asked. "That dot there the corner," was the disdainful reply. '.But I can't see it at all," the governess per- Siste,d. "No, you can't," admitted Wilhel- ftiina. "You see it's always hidden by fog!"
HUMOUR OF THE WEEK
HUMOUR OF THE WEEK HEADS AND TAILS. A lady who had been married; only a aiohth, on receiving a nice brace of pheasants as a gift, told the servant to cook them for Saturday's dinner. "Please, mum, do you like the birds 'igh?" asked the girl. "Like the bird's eye, Mary! What do you mean?" replied the mistress. "Well, mum, some folks like the birds stale," explained Mary. "Oh, like the bird's tail! Yes, bring in both the eye and the tail." A NEW TEMPERANCE DRINK. Our attention has been drawn, says "Punch," to the advertisement of a Temper- ance Hotel at Shrewsbury, whilch states boldly:— "PORTER KEPT ON THE PREMISES." After this, it seems perhaps unkind to men- tion that the House in question is called "'The Welcome Temperance Hotel." A LARGE BRAIN USEFUL. A celebrity tells of a barber who when cut- ting his hair said to him: "You 'ave a laroe 'ead, Sir; it is a good thing to 'ave a large 'ead, for a large 'ead means a large brain, and a large brain is the most useful thing a man can 'ave, as it nourishes the roots of the 'air." i THE LESSER EVIL. The Vicar (chattin- to angler): "I'm gladi tohear that you never fish on the Sabbath. How do you spend your day of rest?" The Angler: "Dig'gin' bait!" 9 THESE HORSELESS DAYS. "Madam," said the obliging shopkeeper, "we have some nice horseradish just in. Would you like some?" The customer was newly married to a gentleman of note., "No," she answered, "it would be no use; we don't keep a horse-we motor." ti WITNESS ON FIRE. When Stewart Hourston entered the wit- ness box during the hearing of the Earl H of Tankerville case he was scarcely discernible for smoke. Mr. Buckmaster, K.C. (calmly): "I do not want to frighten you, Hourston, but I. think you are on fire." Hourston quietly subdued the outbreak, re- marking "On, it's only ,my pipe on fire. The lining of my pocket is burnt, but my coat is all right." GRIM A Servian soldier who was operdted upon for appendicitis in the Belgrade military hos- pital refused a narcotic, although,: in conse- quence of a mistake, the wound had to be re- opened. As the doctors were stitching up the wound for the second time he remarked: "Why hot have buttons and buttonholes, gentlemen?" A BORROWER BE. A member of Parliament was to have made a speech at Derby, and being unable to do so because the heavy rains had destroyed the branch railway, sent a telegram as follows: "Cannot come. Wash out on line." In a few hours the reply came: "Never mind. Borrow a shirt." MIXED HISTORY. A Manchester bookseller overheard the fol- lowing conversation outside his shop: First Youth (noticing books bearing the name of Nelson, the publisher): "Let's get some of these; they're by Nelson. You know Nelson." Second Youth: "No, that's not the man you mean. You're thinking of Washington Nelson, who wrote 'Gulliver's Travels.' Come on!" WHAT NEXT? The Burglary Season has apparently opened early this year, remarks "Punch." "Pimples Removed Overnight" is an an- nouncement which catches our eye in a news- paper. A HUGE DEMAND. "And the name is to be-?" asked the suave minister, as he approached the font with the precious armful of fat and flounces. "Augustus Philip Ferdinand Codrington Chesterfield Livingstone Snooks." "Dear me!" (Turning to the sexton): "A little more water, Mr. Perkins, if you please." IRISH, ANYHOW. "I'm a native of Kent, but I was born in Ireland," said Wm. Henley at Tottenham Police Court. TEA-TOTAL. The Edmonton Guardians tried an experi- ment which had a disastrous consequence. Instead of giving casuals water it was de- cided to offer them tea. Within a day or two the wards were over- crowded, and the guardians returned to bread and water. With the stoppage of the tea the number of casuals fell back to the normal. BLACK AND TAN. "Kind home wanted for tiny crossbred female, black with tan markings."—Adver- tisement in "The Lady." We are afraid that the poor girl had a bad time in her last situation, observed "Punch." ENLIGHTENING. The famous traveller had just returned from Africa and had a terrible tale to tell. "The thunderstorm was at its fiercest. Lightning played round me like grape-shot. Closer and closer I shrank to the tree under which I stood, fully expecting every moment that it would be the first to be struck. For the first time in my life I felt fear." "How terrible!" exclaimed the pretty lis- tener, with starting eyes. "But why didn't you run to some other tree?" A NASTY GUEST. A well-known artist was lunching one day with a friend who was seeking to popularise certain Italian wines. A bottle of Asti Spumaute was produced, and the host filling his guest's glass, exclaimed enthusiastically, "There, sir, try that; it's an Asti wine." He was surprised when the artist, after tasting the liquor, made a wry face, and re- marked: "I agree; it's a decidedly nasty wine." JAM! A writer in "The Over-Seas Daily Mail" informs us that the Hungarian name for jam is "gyumolessurii." After this, says "Punch," we would rather not know the Magyar for marmalade. THE "DEAR LITTLE ANGEL'S" REPLY. Bishop (who has "looked in" at rural Sunday-school): "Now, children, can any of you tell what is meant by the visitation of the bishop?" and he smiled down genially upon them. Little Girl (after a long pause): "Please, sir, an affliction sent from heaven."
--THE POULTRY YARD.
THE POULTRY YARD. 10 By "COCKCROW." There are several things to remember if you are to make, a success of rearing fowls for selling purposes. The first is never give your customer cause to say you have "done" him. To gain the confidence of your custo- mers should be the first aim—get value for your birds, but do not put a high price on fowls which you know are not worth it. A buyer who is once bitten will more than likely be ever afterwards shy. TO CURE BROODY HENS. Unfortunately many of the most useful hens have a tendency to be free sitters, just at a time when eggs are most wanted. Fre- quent broodiness among valuable fowls is of course a distinct loss to the owner, and it frequently becomes necessary to break them off their broody tendency, and to do'this in such a way as to bring them back to theii normal laying habits as quickly as possible. Many are the quaint ways' of curing a broody hen-from ducking overhead in a tub of water to starving them—but such cruel and stringent measures are neither necessary or to be recommended. In curing a broody hen one principle should be borne in mind- that no hen will sit for long unless it is warm and comfortable. Make up a little coop under which so much air can get-out of the sun-that it will be altogether impossible for the hen to make a comfortable nest in. Put the broody hen in the coop, and in three or four days it will be cured of its incubating tendency. Frequently they will lay again in a few days after being allowed to return to their companions. THE COST OF FOOD. The rapid rise in the price of wheat is a serious matter for poultry keepers, for in one form or another wheat may be regarded as the poultry keeper's staple stand by. The whole gmins are valuable for all classes of stock, while sharps and bran are also largely used. It is at such times that the poultry keeper is inclined to purchase in- ferior food for the sake of economy, but this process invariably turns out not to be economy at all.. If it should be absolutely necessary to practice it, the old birds should be the ones to have the inferior food, as they do not stand in need of nourishment to the same degree as the younger ones. On no account should light, cheap grain be given to young growing stock, such material being useless for promoting steady development. GUARD AGAINST VERMIN. Warm days are also the days when vermin get a foothold in the coops if precautionary methods are not adopted. Each time the coops a»e cleaned they should receive a good sprinkling with kerosene oil to prevent red mites getting a start, for if once they are allowed breathing space they will make a sorry sight of the chickens and a terrible job for the owners in getting rid of them. If the chickens are given to natural Brothers, the vermin problem is easily solved by giving the sitting hens a thorough dusting with in- sect powder and thus starting the young lives free from pests. If this has not been done use good vermin paint on coop floors. Care should be taken to see that the mother is free from scaly leg-or if she has the trouble her legs should be moistened with kerosene oil two or three times a week. FOWLS FOR SOILS. Before deciding the kind of fowls to keep, the farmer should first of all spy out the land he intends to keep them on. If the soil is light he should keep table varieties if the soil be heavy it is better to make up the stock of those breeds whose main feature is egg production. Light soil forces the birds on, and of course early maturity is the aim in keeping the table variety. It has been proved that chickens are ready for market eight weeks earlier on light than heavy soil; on the other hand, heavy soil is undoubtedly the best for layers, as it is not to their ad- vantage to grow too quickly. Leghorns, Wyandottes, Plymouth Rocks, and Orping- tons are good varieties for heavy soil. For light soil a good selection may be made from Dorkings, Minorcas, Sussex, Faverolles. TO REAR YOUNG TURKEYS. Turkeys require a good deal of care, which must not be of the spasmodic kind, but pro- viding this can be given turkey raising can easily become profitable. Many people, not having a large run which can be used for the exclusive use of turkeys, put them to roost with the fowls, which is the first step to- wards making turkey rearing unprofitable. If you have no building available for the use of the turkeys, it is almost imperative that one should be erected before turkey raising is attempted. Fortunately they do not re- quire an elaborate or extensive structure, a wooden shed which is sheltered from the wind and rain being quite enough. They are hardy birds. When your young turkeya are hatched, leave them with the mother in the nest for twenty-four hours or there- abouts. Then give them a drink of water followed by bread which has been soaked in milk-preferably sweetened. The sun will be beneficial to the young birds, but cold or damp means certain death. Continue the soft bread diet for a week or so, after which they may be given some small wheat and barley and a little oatmeal and mashed potatoes. Do not give them maize, as it has & tendency to make the birds greasy. WEEDING-OUT TIME. The aim of every poultry-keeper should be centred on a strong determination that each year should see his stock better in quality, better fed, and better housed, and conse- quently better results obtained. With this end in view it is essential that at all times rigid economy should be observed, both in regard to adults and chicken. As it has been proved again and again that hens lay just as well without'a cock or cockerel, and the mala not being any longer required for immediate, breeding purposes, we can very well make a start on the weeding-out process by getting rid of him to the best advantage. By the time the next breeding season arrives, tha( best of the cockerels from this season's breeds ing will be matured. Neither is it any use to retain old hens unless they are of a special quality, as after the second year they, scarcely pay for themselves. There is, t<M) pften, time and money wasted on defective, shickens in the hope that they will recover, but this is generally not only a vain hope, but the space is much more valuable for the general welfare of your healthy stock. La§t year's pullets are the birds most likely to re- soup the trouble spent on them. If properly, fed and cared for they will lay well this year. DUCKLINGS A GOOD INVESTMENT. As by this time the poultry-keeper will be through his hatching season—or at any rate should be-lie naturally begins to worry about the incubator standing idle. Many turn their attention to hatching ducklings, and this is a course which perhaps holds the largest possibilities for financial success. Ducklings if properly cared for fatten very quickly, and for some years now the demand for them has come so near to exceeding the supply that good prices have been obtain. able. Ducklings during the first three weeks of their lives require almost as much care aa chicks, and they may be given the same food. Providing the ducklings are the descendants of good-sized birds, they should at the end of, say, ten or twelve weeks, be quite ready for market, and carry plenty of good white flesh.
, WHO'S WHO-AND WHY
WHO'S WHO-AND WHY BEFORE HE WAS FAMOUS. Lieut. Shackleton had been prepared in some degree by his experiences in Austra- lasia for Jtlie lionising which he is now receiv- ing in this country. He and the companions who accompanied him on his wonderful ex- pedition were made a great deal of by the Colonials, and people tumbled over one another to get to the lectures given by the young explorer. At a banquet which was given in his honour Lieut. Shackleton drew a humorous contrast between his present and past experiences. He said that having given several lectures for charity in the old coun- try, he once determined to give one for his own benefit. He rented a hall and advertised the coming event. When the night arrived the lecturer reached the hall, to find an audience consisting of three women, a few children, and a couple of drunken men. He went out in dismay, and tried to persuade his cabby to come in. Cabby, however, drew the line at lectures, and declined. The lec- ture was given, and, on reaching home, the explorer-lecturer remarked to his wife, "The lecture cost me £ 6; but I have got back twenty-five shillings." "No, you haven't," was the reply; "I sent the cook and one of the maids round." A REALISTIC EXPERIMENT. One of the foremost men engaged in the science of aviation is Professor Alexander Graham Bell, who is now visiting us from the United States. Professor Bell, as every- body knows, has already gained eminence in another branch of science, for he is the in- ventor of the telephone, which he patented in 1876. Though he has been living and work- ing on the other side of the Atlantic for nearly forty years, he is a Scotsman, and emigrated to Canada when he was twenty- three. Soon afterwards he became Professor of Physiology at Boston University. Experi- ments have recently been made with a motor- driven kite invented by Professor Bell. The Professor has a pretty wit. Not long ago an interviewer asked him for information as to the reported invention of a gyroscopic mono- plane that balanced in the air automatically. "That was a false alarm," remarked the Pro- fessor. "Science is full of false alarms. You know, when photography was first invented, before the days of the drop shutter, a French experimenter was reported to have caught a bullet in its flight. Science, how- ever, was not much advanced. The experi- menter had caught it in his leg' A ROYAL FAVOURITE. Rear-Admiral Sir Colin Keppel, Commo- dore of the Royal Yachts, is shortly to be promoted to a command in one of the fleets at sea, and this will leave vacant one of the most eagerly sought after posts in the Navy, since anyone who commands the Royal Yachts may reasonably look to having his future career in 'the service made safe. Ad- miral Keppel is a great favourite with both the King and the Queen, and, indeed, with every other member of the Royal Family. It is his boast, says "M.A.P. that at one' time or another he has had under his care most of the crowned heads of Europe, and that no ship under his command has ever met with the slightest accident. The King has the greatest faith in his judgment and seaman- ship, and was once heard to declare that if Keppel was not First Sea Lord one day, it would probably be entirely his own fault. Sir Colin is a great adept at nearly every out- door sport, and once displayed his abilities as a cricketer in amazing fashion. Several members of the Royal Family were playing deck cricket on the Victoria and Albert as it lay in Cowes Roads one morning. Admiral Keppel was on the bridge when the Prince of Wales drove a ball high in the air. It was just passing over the bridge when Keppel jumped up and caught it with his left hand, laughingly calling out "How's that?" as he did so. His foot slipped, however, and he rolled down the steps of the bridge, landing on his back at the feet of the Queen, who was greatly amused at the incident. A CANADIAN EDITOR. One of the most prominent of the delegates to the Imperial Press Conference is Mr. Mac- donald, editor of the "Toronto Globe," who may claim to be a representative of the union of the two races in Canada, the British and the French. One of Mr. Macdonald's an- cestors was a Highlander, who fought stoutly under Cornwallis in the American War of Independence. When the war was over and the regiments were disbanded Macdonald was one of the many troopers who elected to remain in Canada. They married French women, and to this day their descendants speak French with a Scottish accent, many of them being unable to speak English at all. Physically, however, the Scottish character- istics have triumphed, and Mr. Macdonald is a typical Scot in appearance. He has been editor of the "Toronto Globe" since 1902. A PRINCELY TRAVELLER. Among the guests at one of the numerous complimentary banquets which have been in- flicted upon Lieut. Shackleton was His High- ness Prince Ronald Bonaparte, who has him- self won some renown as a traveller, while his contributions to science have made him eminent among scholars and collectors. He has been twice President of the French Geo- graphical Society, in which capacity he re- ceived Dr. Nansen, when that famous ex- plorer returned from his memorable expedi- tion to Arctic regions. Of the scientific col- lections which Prince Roland has accumu- lated perhaps the most remarkable is one which includes seven thousand reproduc- tions of the principal types of the different human races, especially of such as have pre- served a primitive character. His Highness formed this collection not only during re- searches, made by himself on journeys and explorations undertaken for the purpose, but from special anthropological missions which he sent to different parts of the world. Prince Roland is the head of the elder branch of the -0driaf>d~ £ tes, who aj-.e descended from Lucien, Prince of Canino. He lives in Paris, r in a sumptuous palace which is decorated and .furnished throughout jn First Empire style. >. THE BITER BIT. There is something distinctly 'humorous in the news that Mr. Tom Browne, one of the most popular of British humorous artists, has himself been made a subject for the cari- caturists—andin Chiha, of all places. Mr. Browne is on his way to Japan, and wheh he ie4 Pekin he fouhd: to his surprise that evM: in China he Was hot unknown. Chinese artists gave him a warm welcome, and drew funny pictures of him. Mr. Browne was torn at Nottingham in 1872. He left school When he was eleven, and has worked hard ever since. Her is. fond of telling a story of a lady punter who once submitted some. of her Work: to an artist who was visiting at her house. She did not tell him the picture was hers, however. "Here's a little, landscape," said she. ".Now of what school would you call it ?" The great man replied, without an instant's hesitation, "Of the boarding. school, madam."
[No title]
K Cannot something be done to induce the cab- men of the town to wear top hats?" asked Councillor Knowles at a meeting of the Fleet- wood Council. "The caps which some of them wear do not add to the town's tone of respect- ability." The Royal Humane Society has awarded its silver medal to William Jones, and its bronze medal to John Gane; who are employed by the Bristol Council as sewermen. Gane attempted to save a man who had been carried away by a rush of water in a sewer, and Jones rescued both men. I ,¡. ■,
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i -n Cheapest and Best House in the World for all Sporting Requisites. Write or Call for Comprehensive Catalogue (Illustrated) Post Free anywhere. An M.D.'s Opinion of GAMAGE'S "OSOEZI" saddle. Havant, Hants. Dear Sirs,—I have not ridden on the "OSOEZI" Saddle mvseif, but have been trying it for a lady patient, to vi'liom vibration would mean dreadful pain. She is perfectly com- fortable on it, and expresses her pleasure every time I see her. I have shown the drawing to several people, and the patient, who came some distance to see me, ordered a saddle of this pattern from one of the agents here. April 3. Tojirs faithfully, M.D-" ASK YOUR DOCTOR WHICH IS THE BEST SADDLE FOR CYOLINGt- HE WILL AT ONCE REPLY-THE "OSOEZI." AND WHY? It is at once hygienic, anatomically correct, and pressure upon the perineum is avoided. No saddle soreness, even after the. hardest and most continuous riding. 21/- post free. Suitable for Ladies or Gentlemen. Easily adapted to any mmhine. Our Cycles "STAND THE RACKET," and are MarveUous VALt1 FOR MONEY. fhe ILIXTJM." Gent's, £ 8 10. Lady's, £9 10s. The "GAMSPEDE. Gent's, £ 10 10s. Lady's, JEU Us. The 0-AHA&E." Gent's, £ 12 12s. Lady's, £ 1313s, The SPECIAL GAMAGE." Lady's or Gent's, £ 16 165. (Best of everything). Any of the above tan be had by Monthly Payments. The Parcel Post affords a rare opportunity for country residents to deal with a first- class house. We despatch hundreds of par- cels daily to the remotest parts of the United Kingdom and abroad. The" LUCISSIME" I Cycle LampfJ GOOD LIGHT. Won't Blow Out. All Parts Rivetted. No Solder Used. Richly Nickelled. PRICE 8/6 Postage 4d. The SPRINGFIELD Wrenca, a sure gripper, nickel plated, very strong. P Air Postal 2d. admmlmm THE "NEW ERA" CYCLOMETER. Made by the 3/11. STANDARD WATCH CO., N.Y. The Smallest and Most Accurate* MADE LIKE A WATCH. DUST ANO RAIN PROOF. Graceful in design. Beautiful ÙI" finish. Registers 10,000 miles, and fractions. Guaranteed, and weiehf only loz. Price 6, u In the new q Metal. 4111 Postage 2d. -4& Carriage Paid on aU Orders over 108. unless otherwise stated. NOTE THE ADDRESS— A. W. GAMAGE, Ltd., Holborn, LONDON, E.C.,
CLUB WTJVDOVT.
CLUB WTJVDOVT. Mr. Silas K. Hocking, the novelist, was educated with a view to his becoming an engineer. » • Dr. W. G. Grace is as good a hand at whist as he has been at cricket, and during the winter devotes several nights a week to this absorbing game, medical friends usually making up the quartet. He is possessed of an almost invincible memory on nearly every subject, which when whist is concerned stands him in excellent stead. < The Prince of Wales is an early riser. At 8.30 every morning, during the season, he is in the saddle for his ride in the Row. Mr. Lewis Waller is very fond of telling this story: In the days of King Charles there were no actresses, all the parts being played by men. On one occasion, when King Charles went to see a play, the stage was kept waiting for such a time that the King complained. The manager apologised pro- fusely to his Majesty for the delay, explain- ing' that he would not keep him waiting much longer, as the "Queen" had nearly finished shaving! Berlin has a shorthand writer with a unique speciality. He attends all funerals of promi- nent persons, and takes down verbatim the addresses of the officiating clergymen. Then he prepares highly ornamental copies of the addresses and sells them to the friends of the eulogised dead. His business is so good that he has taken one assistant and has advertised for another. For over forty years Mr. J. G. Talbot, M.P. for the University of Oxford, has sat in the House without defeat, and on that account is regarded as Father of the House. His inten- tion to retire will be regretted bv men of all parties, for he has earned the respect of all Who have ever known him. Mr. Talbot is a brother of the Bishop of Southwark, his eldest son being a K.C. < Mr. A. T. Quiller Couch, the well-known novelist, told the following amusing story against himself some time ago. As is well known, Mr. Couch lives at Fowey, in Corn- wall. One day he entered a little general shop there, and the old woman recognised him, and said: "You'd be surprised, sir, to know how many people ask me to let them have one of your books." The novelist re- plied that he was much gratified, and won- dered why his works should be so much in demand. "Well," replied the woman, with an air of finality, "I suppose that when folks is staying down here they wants to read something local." Mr. Austen Chamberlain was one day talk- ing to his old nurse, who was very fond of him. The old lady asked him what profes- sion he thought of going in for. "Oh," he replied, "I'm going in for politics." "For politics?" exclaimed the nurse, in astonish- ment. "Why, Mr. Austen, I should have thought that two in the family—your father and Mr. Richard—were enough to have had in politics. Why don't you change your mind, and go in for something useful ?" < Perhaps Sir Hugh Graham is the most in- teresting of the Colonial representatives to the Imperial Press Conference. He is editor and proprietor of the "Montreal Star," and the first Canadian journalist to be knighted. Starting as an office boy, he became the busi- ness manager of a Montreal paper when he was eighteen, and three years later he and two others started the "Star" with less than £ 20 capital. It was a hard fight, and there were times when Sir Hugh scarcely knew how to pay for the printing ink. But he triumphed in the end, and the "Star" be- came the best-paying newspaper property in Canada. Excepting, perhaps, Lord Lyveden, the Earl of Egmont has had a more adventurous career than any other member of the peer- age. Before succeeding to the title, about a dozen years ago, he roughed it for some twenty years, serving as a sailor before the mast, as a fireman in the London Fire Brigade, and as caretaker of the Chelsea Town Hall. < < Mr. A. W. Gamage tells this story as illus- trating the necessity for every salesman having a good general knowledge. A nervous, worried-looking man entered to the games department of a large establishment, and said in an anxious tone of voice to the man behind the counter: "My wife wanted me to be sure to bring home a 'Lorna Dcone.' I've inquired at one or two places and can't find it. What sort of a game is it?" The sales- man, who knew sports from the ground up, if not much else, pondered only a moment before he said cheerfully: "I don't think it's a game. It sounds to me like the name of a new Scotch drink. You had better try across the way. They'll be able, to tell you."
IFUN AND FANCY.
I FUN AND FANCY. Bobby: "Make a noise like a frog, ur-cle." Uncle: "Why!" Bobby: "'Cause when I I ask daddy for anything he says 'Wait tiU your uncle croaks I' "Is the baby strong?" "Well, ratber.. You know what a tremendous voice he has "Yes." "Well, he lifts that five or six times an hour." Lady: "I am looking for a governess for my children." Manager of Intelligence Office: "Didn't we supply you with one last week?" "Yes." "Well, madam, according to her report, you don't need a governess;, you need a lion tamer." "Your father is entirely bald, isn't he?" said a man to the son of a millionaire. "Yes," replied the youth sadly; "I'm iha only heir he has left." A wise man once said to his son: "Whenever you think of a pun Go out in the vard And kick yourself hard And let me begin when you've done." "Isn't Jebbs a believer in the faith cure?" "He is." "Is it true that he wouldn't have a doctor for his wife, the other day, when ehe was ill?" "It is quite true. "Well, I saw a doctor go into the house just now." "Oh, that's all right. He's ill now him- self." She: "That dress doesnit become my com- plexion, I must change it." He: "More ex- pense. I can't stand it; you'll ruin me She "Don't be silly. I don't mean the dress-I mean the complexion." "You look robust," said a lady to a tramp. "I have some logs that want sawing. Are, you equal to the task of sawing wood?" "Equal isn't the word, mum," replied the man, coolly. "I'm superior to it. Good morning 1" Bullyrag Lawyer: "Now, I want you to answer this question very carefully. Was your father (when your mother struck him with a rolling-pin) under the influence of drink?" Juvenile Witness: "No, sir; he- were under the kitchen table." "Bridget," said Mrs. Hiram Offen sternly, "on my way home just now I saw the police- man who was in the kitchen with you so long last evening, and I took occasion to speak to him "Oh, shure, that's all roight, ma'am. Oi'm not jealous." » "What's the wages, mum?" asked the ap- plicant for a situation as cook. "I'm willing to pay you whatever you are worth," was the reply. "I've never worked for so little aa that, mum. Good-day to you." "Has your father ever given you any ides. what he thinks of me? "No. I really don't believe father thinks of you at all. He has so many important tilings to fill his mind." Miss Tiptop: "Did you enjoy yourself at the opera last evening?" Miss West end: "Oh, tremendously! Mr. Blathersby is the most delightful talker I ever attended a. musical performance with." "Good morning, sir," said the lady, enter- ing the (Studio of the famous portrait-painter. "I wish to engage you to paint my portrait." "I shall be delighted, madam." "I want it painted with my new hat on." "Pardon me, madam, but I am not a landscape artist." "You say this man stole your coat?" said the magistrate. "Do I understand that you prefer charges against him? Well, no your Honour," replied the plaintiff, "I prefer the coat, if it's all the same to you, sir." I want you children to go to my lecture to-night," remarked a professor to the younger members of his family. "Couldn't you whip us instead just this once, father? said one of them. "I understand you stood for a whole hour in the doorway last night talking to the policeman, Biddy?" "Shure, you wouldn't have me shtand there for an hour and say no thin' ma'am? Rambling Waggles: "I was robbed last night, and about fifty-three articles were stolen from me. Everything I had in the world." Policeman: "Fifty-three articles?" Rambling Waggles: "Yes; a pack of carda and. a corkscrew."