THINGS THOUGHTFUL. '■I- j To be really happy we miust have ii ;V, I M-ore virtue than knowledge. More love than tenderness. More guidance than cleverness. More health than riches. ".More repose than profit. ■,1'- u j k' ~T———^7—*f ■i.J
THE NEED OF BIAS, j In iidging persops, we fihould always be biased. In studying things, it is perhaps possible to be unprejudiced and yet get. a fair. ul; but in our consideration of men and women, we must always believe the best about them until we are forced to a different opinion. It is only the believing heart that can begin to understand another. One of our shallow proverbs says that love is blind. That is a lie. Love alone sees the true' life within the- outer wrapping. Suspicion never yet discovered a real man. Like many flowfers ;€hat open- only in the san, we close up our ■>itf6i5fls to the cold, critical touch. I
Two voices are there one is of the sea, yue of the mountains'; each a mighty voice, In, both from age thou didst rejoice, They were the chosen music, liberty!
HUMOUR OF THE WEEK A SPEED EXPERT. "I know what speed is because I was born in a stable," said a witness in a case against a motor-car driver at Bridlington on Satur- day. ,;i;. roo P. MAN! Explaining the absence of her husband from the Shoreditch County Court a woman said he "had had morphia rejected with an hydraulic syringe." J < SHE PROVED IT. An apparently middle-aged woman stoutly maintained at the South-Western Court that she was seventy-three, and when the magi- strate said: "No, you are not/' replied: "Yes, I am. I've got false hair and false teeth." "V THE CONSTABLE'S REASONS. "I saw the prisoner being rejected from a public-house and as there was a warrant out for his existence, I took him," said a con- stable at Willesden Police-court.. AN APRIL JOKE. On the first' of April when the new Child- ren's Act came into force several woriien carrying' "babies." went into public-houses in London and demanded to be served with drinks. « It was in sorhe -'cases 6hly when the police had been fetched that the "babieswere dis- covered to be closely-veiled dolls. SERGEANT'S HARD LUCK. Overheard in Bethnal-green on April 1.— Police-sergeant (to constable): How are you getting on for 'bacca this morning, chummy, Police constable: I have. got plenty, thanks. Police-sergeant: Well, I have managed to get six packets of fags, but the worst of it is I can't find any of them smoking shag. CHANCE. A highly respected villager" died. The clergyman of the parish met his son and said: "Your father was a good man-—I should like to say something about him in my sermon. What were his last words?" "Well, sir," replied the boy, "he didn't have no last words. Mother was with him to the very end." ALMOST SURE OF IT. "Sir," said a fierce lawyer, "do you, on your bath, swear that this is not your hand- writing? "I think not," was the cool reply. "Does' it resemble your writing?" :"I can't say i't'does.'J I 6aii't'8dy it "Do you take your oath that this writing does not resemble yours?" 1 • Y'-e-s." "Now, how do you know?" <' "'Cause I can't write." MALAPROPISMS. A pious old lady who, returning from a visit to the Zoo, announced that she "always did enjoy a visit to the Theological Gardens," and the servant who, describing her master's last illness, explained that the doc- tors "held a consolation and found that it was something eternal," have found a recent equal in the lady who observed that when she was in Italy, she "saw so many people in the garbage of monks with tonsils on their qa ,,f. „.t Jr, < f¡-'f1.Li .-rr.—t-—. ¡t; LOVE CAKE RECIPE. In the course of a case heard at the Mans- field Petty Sessions, Mr. R. Young/solicitor, of Nottingham, read the following letter from a Blidworth young woman to her sweet- heart, which she termed a "recipe for love cake "i '"Four ounces of kisses; four sweet lips pressed well together; two ounces of ldve; half-an-ounce of teasing;' half-ah-ounee of squeezing. Bake well together in young; man's arms." ■. Loud laughter greeted the reading' of thq letter in court. ■' ■' —— ) J.V.; CAUSE AND EFFECT. A foreigner appeared at Marl borough- street, with his arm in a, sling. He. waited a; summOjns. against4 a neighbouring, publican. "V/hat. ,for?" asked the Bench. "Breaking my arm," "How did it, happen?" ""Well, he served nie drink and I went outside I fell down." 0 THE WRONG PLACARD. A man was standing on the kerb begging for alms, with a placard bearing the word "Blind" pn his. chest. A passer-by, taking pity on him, dropped a' coin into his box. The blind man immediately ran after him, caught him by the arm, and said, "This i's a French penny you have given me." The other man turned round and said, "I thought you were blind?" The beggar, looking at the placard on his chest, blurted out: "I'm .very, sorry, J put, the wrong placard on me this morning; ( if should be Deaf ;and Dumb.' s "MEN WERE DECEIVERS EVER." There was some amusin-g' evidence in a, case in the King's. Bench in which Emma Eliza- beth; Fernee, a milliner; sued Stanley Diclc, af postman, claiming damages for breach of promise of marriage.. < Miss Fernee in giving evidence said when Dick told her he wanted to break oi-L the en- gagement she laughed and said, "You ivill have, plenty of freedom soon." (Laughter.) He met her one night with the greeting, "What cheer!" She thought that was a very vulgar remark,, (Laughter.) Turning to the audience the witness said"It is nothing to laugh at." (Laughter.) i Mr. Jellicoe (cross-examining): Have you ever studied the problem "How to be happy though married on thirty shillings a week?" (Laughter.)—It is not, always money that makes happiness. I believed him, to be ,gbod and true, but men were deceivers ever. (Laul,htek.) Did he propose or did you ?—Does a lady generally propose? (Laughter.) I do hot know; you might tell me. (Laugh- ter.—No, I did not. And yet last year was leap yeat? (Laugh- ter.)—I believe so. Do you remember Miss Jane's tea party?—• I Went to tea there, and he came with «ie. (Laughter.) 1 Did that lady read you a homily on nag- ging? (Laughter.)—What! An omelette? I like them. (Much laughter.) Pid the defendant suggest living in a fl"tip —I think I was the flat, not to see, through him. (Laughter.) CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES'. r The recent illness of Mr, Justice JL. T. Law- rence recalls a graceful compliment paid him on one occasion during the hearing- of a cpse which he was trying without a jury. He had given judgment for the plaintiff, but refused to grant interest, and the plaintiff's counsel was endeavouring to induce the judge to re- consider his decision whereupon his lordship said, pointing to the jury-box, "If I had been there, you know you would not have got a penny of interest." "Ah! replied counsel, "if your lordship had been here" (pointing to himself), "you would have persuaded the gentlemen there (pointing to the jury-box), "that they ought to give the interest."
CLUB WINDOW. The millionaire Duke of Westminster is said to possess a magnificent set of silver- plate which is declared by experts to be the finest in the world. A curious habit is indulged in by Mr. Frank A. Munsey, the well-known American publisher. He divides his day in two, liter- ally going to bed, sleeping, and then getting up, changing his clothes, and beginning the second half of his day at nightfall. Not once does he break through this rule of retir- ing at half-past five or six every afternoon and sleeping until seven, and no important business matter or social engagement is per- mitted to interrupt or interfere with this rule. He does not take a siesta or snatch forty winks, but sleeps soundly until time to dress for dinner. And he can sleep just as soundly when he turns in again at midnight or later. The Archbishop of Canterbury is a skilful and in some respects a wonderful chess player. Once when on a visit to India he stayed with an official in charge of the lay- ing of a new railway line, and in the daytime he made long tours with his host over the route. On these occasions the two constantly played chess without either board or men. All the moves were made verbally. They never forgot a move or a point of the game, and each could tell at any moment what was the exact position of the imaginary men on the imaginary board. Perhaps the most notable characteristic of Mr. Wilbur I Wright is his silence. He is a man who thinks much and says little, and he believes in doing things himself. He thinks before he acts, and does nothing in a hurry. Admiral Sir John Fisher has a satirical. way of rebuking naval men who are not as smart as they should be, which is particu- larly effective. On one occasion, having cause to be dissatisfied with the conduct of a cer- tain ship, he wrote as follows: "I have to advise the officers of the that they are expected to study navigation occasionally." People who go to see him get a little slip of paper given them with the following legend on it: "When you go to see a business man, go on business, and state your business in a business-like manner, and leave him to finish his business, and mind .your own business." <¥o Lieut.-General Sir Arthur Paget comes of a fighting stock, being the eldest son of that fine old General, the late Lord Alfred Paget. There is a very good story told which illus- trates the General's strong military character. Asked by an officer in another regiment some years ago what sort of a polo team his battalion had, the General replied, "We don't play polo." > Similar questions re- lating to football and cricket met with the same response. This led the querist to. say at last: "What on earth' can the Scots Guards, do, then?" "Give them half a chance and they can fight better than any regiment, in the world" was the effectual' retort. # Thirty pounds a week for life is the tempting offer which has been made to Mr. Leslie Stuart for an option on the American rights of all the music he may write in the future. For certain reasons Mr. Stuart de- clined the offer. In his younger days Mr. Stttart was regarded as 3, musical marvel. When he was little more than twelve years of age he could play nearly every Mass that Haydn and Mozart had written and every one of Beethoven's sonatas too, relying en- tirely on his memory. "No Minister is worth his salt who cannot sing a good song or recite well," says Sir Thomas Bent, former Prime Minister of Victoria. Sir Thomas has frequently shown that he is worth his salt, for he has been known for a long time as "the singing Premier," on account of his tendency to burst into song in the middle of a public speech. Guarded sacredly in the Quirinal Palace is the oldest crown in the world—the famous iron diadem of Lonibardy. It is a mere thin band of iron, composed, according to tradi- band of iron, composed, according to tradi- titili;"of the very hails 'used at this Cruci- fixirin. '• On one occasion when King Edward landed at one of the Italian Ports the carpet laid from the landing place.to the carriage was too short, and,.an Italian flag dId duty to complete the pathway.' The' King traversed the length of the-carpet,-reached the flag, and noticed it at once; Hesitating not an instant he passed.. into the roadway and raised his hat in respect -to the National emblem. & The German Emperor is so particular as to his attire that he finds it useful to employ four tailors-one in London, two- in Vienna, and one in :Berlin. The Kaiser is nearly always seen in public in a uniform, but on the infrequent occasions when he appears as a private individual he usually favours a light grey suit. # Colonel H. E. Rawson, who has relin- quished command of the Royal Engineers in the Northern District, is an old "Soccer" International, and a county cricketer. I was once," pays a well-known con- ductor, "conducting in Bradford, when I noticed that the clarionet player, a young man, jumped a good deal during the progress of the opera. Then I found that his father, who played the trombone, sat just' behind him', and every now, and then he gave his son a kick, with the remark, 'Look out, Sammy, there be a flat a-commin Lord Aveburv, the genial peer, to whom we owe the Bank Holiday, has been presi- dent of more learned societies and public institutions than almost any other man of the time. His interests embrace banking, early closing, aints and spiders, flowers and leaves, and the study of prehistoric times. Mr. Gordon Bennett, the proprietor of the "New York Herald," is said to be the hardest worked journalist alive, and although he finds time 'to go in for yachting, motoring, and sport cf all kinds, it is only because he begins his" working day at five o'clock in the morning and gets through as much work in one hour as the average man could get through in six. < Mr. Haddon Chambers, the dramatist, knows something about the art of manager- stalking. On one occasion, when he was anxious to read a new drama to Mr. Beer- bohm Tree, he spent several days in vain pursuit of his victim. At last he caught sight of Mr. Tree as he was whirled past him in a hansom. In a moment Mr. Chambers had chartered another cab and. was in hot pursuit, finally running the manager to earth at a Turkish bath. The bath over, 'Mr. Tree was just composing: himself to a refreshing sleep when the dramatist joined him, and, producing his manuscript, insisted on read- ing it to him. ° T Stories of amusing situations' caused by the Duke of Norfolk's negligence in dress are still going the rounds. A short time ago he observed that some members of a party, of excursionists had damaged some of the trees on his estate, so he began to remonstrate with them. "Ain't the Duke got any keepers," exclaimed one of the men, "that a little chap like you should interfere?" The Duke replied that he happened to be the Duke himself. "Go on said the tripper, laughing heartily. "Why the Duke goes to dine at Marlborough House, and they'd never have you even in the servants' hall."
-=-L.C- SUICIDE'S LAST MESSAGE. Propped up against a fence near, CrQssmy loof Railway Station, Glasgow, was found the dead; body of a man. He was suspended by the neck bv a leather strap which was fixed to the top of the fence, and a silk handker- chief was tightly, tied round his neck. In one of his pockets the following written communication was found— Deaths.Brady, suddenly, at Glasgow.— Joseph Brady (of London), commission agent. No flowers by request. Funeral private. Once all right, but by misbehaviour come to this. No friends in Glasgow, thank God. Do what you like with my remains, as they will not be claimed.
CHARGE AGAINST A NEPHEW. A remarkable story was told at the -Thameg, Court, when William Musson was sent for trial, charged with attempting to murder his aunt, Alice Robshaw; assaulting Susan Rogers, P thii-teeh ? -a^nd; stedMng money from gas-meters. f •, MM! Robshaw, of Woolwich, said that when she entered her house from the garden Musson sprang from behind the door, seized her by the Uiroat, threw her to the floor, and said, am going to kill you. When she screamed he forced a stocking into her mouth with euch force as to knock out her teeth. He then compelled her to show him where her purse was.
DOCTOR'S HEROISM. The story of a doctor's heroic action was told at a Local Government Board inquiry at East I Ham. Coiincillor G. Pratt said a boy was taken into the local fever hospital suffering from diphtheria, and the bronchial tubes had become so clogged that breathing had almost stopped. After performing the necessary opera- t tion, Dr. Snowden, in order to give the patient initnediatc relief, sucked the virulent matter out I' of the tube. In doing so he saved the boy's life at great personal risk. I
DEATH OF LADY HERTFORD. I The" death took place at Marseilles of the Marchioness of Hertford. The cause of death 7i,is acuts tonsilitis following an afttack of influenza, which commenced at Athens while on a voyage to the Holy Land. Lady Hertford was the Hon. Mary Hood, a daughter of the first Viscount Bridport, and married Lord Hertford (then Captain Seymour in the Grenadier Guards) in 1868.
GEMS FOUND IN BRITAIN. Most of the gems set in signet rings, which are manufactured in Birmingham, are ob- tained from various parts of the British Coast. The beach running to the north ,of Tyn-emouth is especially rich in garnets, cor- nelians, and agates. These stones, although they cannot acquire the lustre of gems obtained from abroad, when well cut and polished are very brillia.nt in colour. The agates which are to be found in thp beds of Highland rivers, such as the Spey, are very beautiful. It is not generally known that pearl fisheries exist in Great Britain. Those of the Solway Firth and the River Irt are t-ha most famous.
Smashing a widow of a shop occupied by Mr. H. Montagu, silversmith, in front of the Piccadilly Hotel, London, a thief made off with trinkets valued at £ 50. Two detachments of Boy Scouts marching near Tunbridge Wells saw a fire burniiig fiercely, and, ordered to attack it, they did so with staves and haversacks, soon subduing the outbreak.
-c,- « PROVIDES WORK FOR CONVICTS. It certainly is a matter for congratulation that just as the stock of quinine-producing trees of South America was giving out the thoughtful Briton planted them in India, and now their culture i-s so scientifically con- ducted that the ague-shaken thousands need have no more fears. The convicts in the gaols are employed in making the quinine itself into five-grain. packets, and in one prison alone millions of these packets are produced every year..
A SISTERS LIABILITY. The Isle of Wight County-court judge at Newport found that Mrs. Woodhall, of Rowland-gardens, South Kensington, was re- sponsible for her sister's medical attendance, amounting to X37. While staying with friends in September last the sister, Miss Langton, was thrown, out of a motor-car and sustained a broken leg. Counsel for the defendant suggested that the host of the young lady should pay, but his honour said that that was a very strong preposition. If hosts were to be held respon- sible under such circumstances it would do much to upset week-end visits, now so much in vozue.
A GRANDFATHER'S WILL. The will has been proved of Mr. Thomas Pratt Ling, of Bracondale, Dorking, Surrey, aged seventy-four, tea merchant, who died in February. He left £12,000 upon trust for his granddaughter, Marie Nora Emily Edith Fornario, "Provided that she shall remain under the guardianship of his son George or other person approved by his trustees and shall not for- sake the English Protestant Faith, or marry a person not of that Faith, or marry a first cousin on either her father's or her mother', side, under penalty of losing one-half of he; interest in this sum, and he also providel that the income should be paid to her in the United Kingdom, unless for a cause to be certified by medical certificate, or other cause to be approved by his trustees, she shall not be in the United Kingdom."
v jord Tredegar has been offered the freedom of Newport, Monmouthshire. Established in 1859, under the name of "The Church of England Protection Society," th4, English Church Union will celebrate its' jubilee on June 15. Mr. Swinburne, on his seventy-second birth- day, received numerous letters, telegrams, and congratulatory messages from callers. The Prince of Wales has presented a hand- some scarf-pin to Mr. Henry Holmes, superin- tendent of the London and Soutii- <. estern Railway line, to mark his appreciation of the efforts made for his comfort and convenience when travelling on the line. I Members of Worthing Corporation presented to the town a life-size portrait of the Town Clerk, Mr. William Verroll, who is over eighty, and has served the town for sixty years. Tests made on samples of schoolroom dust, states Mr. W. H. Marsh, staff science master to the Buckinghamshire Education Committee, show that in Hlb. of dust swept from one room there were 1,600,000,000 micro-organisms. Grown from a twig brought from Napoleon's tomb at St. Helena, a large willow tree is to be removed at Woodbridge, Suffolk, to make room, for the new county school. Lord Dalmeny has received a handsome silver bowl, worked in a seventeenth-century design, as a wedding present from the servants on Lord f Rosebery's Scottish estate. The Guernsey States Chamber rejected a Bill for a daylight-saving scheme. A boom in the carpet trade is recorded by the "Kidderminster Shuttle." 9
lEach member of a quarrelsome family is Capable of embroiling all the others.. Such & community would do well to consider the Value of toleration. If the member of the family who gets into a passion is, let alone, he wilt cool down, may possibly be ashamed, and T^pent. But oppose temper to temper, ile on all the fuel, draw in others of the group, knd" let on harsh answer* be followed by another, and there will be soon a blaze that will enwrap all. s 1! |
The soul of the poet is" like a mirror of an astrologer: it bears the reflection of the past and of the future, and can show the secrets of men and gods; but all the same, it is -dimmed by< the breath of those who stand by tod. gaze into it.
One can bear disappointment better when no one knows how much we have essayed. ————————————
.f Every man is furnished, if he will need it, ith wisdom necessary to steer his own boat, if he will not look away from his own, to see how his neighbour steer's his.
True faith doth face the blackness of de- spair—- Blank faithlessness, itself; bravely if holds To duty unrewarded and unshared; It loves where all is loveless; it endures In the long passion of. the soul for God.
SUNSHINE AND SHADOW. There are fortunate people who have what may be called a talent for happiness. Theira is the habit of looking on the bright side However perplexing the situation, however T hedged a,bout with embarrassments and ob- structed by hindrances, they either see be- yond it halcyon skies and a smooth pathway, or. they manage o t, extract the present sweet- j jiess from its bitterness. Cheerfulness is in j ^partw dependent ;oa health and, temperament, :s.vell as oh. grace and a- Christian, con- science. It is almost impossible to,. wear a j radiant'face when one has a deranged diges- j -tio-n, or to be equable, and' tranquil whfen the nervous fountains are'.in a state; of exhaus- ] -tiam Yet. who does, not know invalids whose .rooms of suffering are full of a divine peace? and who cannot think, of) some who, out of jgreat trilmlation,, have entered into q half- lowed region which no storms invade? And on the other hand, there are those who, m- garded as to outward circumstances, appear to have everything in their favour, yet who manag'e to be' so uniformly miserable that it j ,may be assumed that they have a talent for Wretchedness. j
'j1'tk4t.t Fight-Efg4: As you toss in. t-lic stream of life; Priiice or 'slave, good man or knave, Must join in. the world-old strife. It's a fig'ht for breath in the, dawn-lit loom When a soul comes down from God; So the battle goes until the close, And we rest beneath the sod. e A fight for life, and a fight for bread, Through hours, and days, and yfears-; Through joy and pain, and sun and rain, v, Thrdugh laughter, .smiles, and tears. I 1 Fight! Fight!: Fight) Fight! See that you falter not War like a man; win if you can. It is, the common lot!
Hast thou a friend? Visit him often, fjor thorns and brushwood obstruct the road '¡ which no one treads. The ections should, not be mere tents of a night.
She is a woman, one in whom The spring-time of her childish years Hath never lost its fresh, perfume, Though knowing well that life hath rooin For many blights and njany tears.
No one needs perseverance more than a jnan who knows he has a tendency to look on the bright side of things.
No use to hunt the happy days— I hey re with you all the time; They're loafm' with you 'long the ways; An' singin',in a rhyme. No use to search the world around An' think they're far and fleet; The brightest of 'em still are found t In violets at your feet. ————————————- ¡
LOOKINGFOn THE BEST. If we were for a single "day to find good ^points in the. acts of those around us, to let their little weaknesses and failings fade into nothingness in the shadow of our charity, to emphasise them best, to recognise it, to .appeal to it,, to call; it forth and, to develop it, life would seem very different indeed to ourselves and to them. A smile, a word of -,sympathy, a touch of human kindness, a hand clasp of fellowship, an unexpected bit •of tenderness^ courtesy, or consideration will accomplish wonders. It is syndicating suh- light and that is what real optimism is. It a «a<l a cheefmgj transforming power that bo '^■Blount of criticism or reproof could accom- plish in changing others. The best way to ,take the sting from one's own sorrow is by forgetting it in ministering to another.
There is none made so great but he may ■both.. need the help and service of the -IZP,an,est mortal.
We are not at all sure that we shall have •any possessions, anything of our own in the future life—anything, consequently, to give Perhaps .it will, all belong to all. So let us have enough of giving while we can, ,.aiad enjoy the best part of possession. <
Y 011 can't finish anything until it is done. Try to finish at first, and you are digging a well up in the air. sb s
We punish murders and massacres com- mitted among private persons. What do we respecting the wars, and the gloriobs crinie of murdering whole nations? Here avarice and cruelty know no bounds; barbarities are authorised by decrees of the senate and votes of the people; and enormities, forbidden in Private" persons, are ordered and sanctioned m legislators. Things which if a man had QOlle in his private capacity, they would hava t>aid for with their lives, the very same things we extol to the skies, when they do "leiri with their regimentals on their backs.
FUN AND FANCY. Archie: "See how I am hunted after; all these are invitations. Friend: "Good gracious! All invitations. Invitations to what?" Archie: "To call and settle ac- counts." The Playwright: "Honestly, now, what do you think of my new play?" The Critic: "Don't ask me. You're, so much, bigger and stronger than I am." "A girl," said the mother, "cannot be too cautious about considering her-first proposal of marriage." "You're right, mamma," said the girl. "It is wise to reflect on the horrible possibility of never getting another." Gyer: "Yes, he is what you might term a financial pessimist." Myer: "What's, a '5' s'T financial pessimist?" Gyer: "A man who' is afraid to look pleasant for fear his friends will want to touch him for a bit." Motorist Friend: "Oh, I say! Goodness gracious, we'll be smashed up in a minute Motorist: "All right, my dear fellow, don't excite yourself. The firm I bought this nivotor from have agreed to keep it in repair for a year." Polite Youth: "You acted awfully well, don't you know." She: "Tlie audience' didn't seem to think so. They did not ap- plaud a bit when I cam-e, off the stagfe." Polite Youth: "Oh; but T in 'sure they were awfully pleased." "Yes, sir, our household now represents the United Kingdom of Great Britain," said the proud father of number one to the rector. "I am English, my wife's Irish, the nurse is Scotch, and the baby wails." Mr. Sloman: Out of every million letters that pass through the Post Office it is calcu- lated that only one goes astray." Mrs. Slo- man.: "Seems strange, John, that the one I give you to post should always be that one." Lawyer: "I say, doctor, why are you always running down ..lawyers?" Doctor: Weil, your profession doesn't exactly make angels of_.pi.en, does; it?" .Lawyer: "Why, no. You certainly have the 'advantage .pf us there,'doctor i "¡f.b., deár;'I, ånnot¡-need a lady whose hus- band had acquired a fortune rather sud- denly, "I believe, you ought to get a coat of arips. "Nonsense, replied the man, whose was considerably in excess of his education, "I've already got more clothes t han I know what to do with! u 1t; "I think," said the smart chiltT reflec- tively, "that Hungary must be the most humanlike, of all. nations." "Why so, my child?" asked the fond papa. "Because," the smart child answered, "it is governed by its diet. BankClerk: ^YdUlwill have to be identi- fied, 'ma'am." Lady Customer: "My friend here will identify me." Bank Clerk: "But I don't know Iter." Lady Customer: "Oh, well, I'll introduce you." /jI- Mrs. Ondego .^ifaaking a call): *• I-am sorry to hear you ar$having .trouble- .with your cook," MfS. Upjohn Y'es T shall have to let Selina go. I didn't mind her'practising on the piano now and then, but she wants to join our tennis club." ——— V' An Irish recruit was once brought up for breaking into barracks—that is, ( getting over the wall instead- of entering, "by-ihe gate. "But Murphy," said the offifcer,- "though you were late, you should have come- in by the gate." Plaise, ver honour," said Murphy, "I was afraid of .waking .tfce sentry." 1 "Yourig man," said aL er want you to be. too attentive to my daugh- ter." "Why—6'r—rc'ally;" stamm"6red' the young man, "I bad hoped to marry'her some -r-'—" "Exactly; and I'd like YQuto marry her, but if you're too attentive: -to .her you NvQ li't h a v e money enough to do; Principal: "Johnnie, I'm surprised that your French is so weak: Now, think. Chapeau. What is that? Whai does your f amer throw iij) when IUÙJ;u merry?" Johnnie "His job, sir." .,¡. Assistant (to editor) "HowV -tMs^ obitu- ary I" Editor Why, it's "my own A s- eistant: "Yes. That Haskins cbap-^the dead shot—was in here yesterday loofcmg- for you with a gun, and I thought,if aftyllimg should happen,' you might like to correct- the proofs before hand." Lady: "So you have been ruinedand brought to this by your wife?" Walking Tourist (usual brand) "Yes'm. I found :er three good jobs, but 'er inipidence and inde- pendence lost 'er the lot of 'em! Smallman; "These are hard times. I heard of a man the other day who couldn't raise money even on Government bonds." Slimwit: "Indeed-! What was the,reason?- Smallman: "Well, you see, lie didn't have the bonds." ¡ A gentleman visiting some relatives in Scotland was persuaded ,to. trý! a game of gcilf. At his first stroke he aimed a terrific blow at the hall, scatteriiig the turf.: to right and left, and looked around "for' the result. "What have I hit? he asked. "Scotland, sir," gruffly answered the caddie. { V, "Have you a match f" asked the chronic bore who had dropped into the busy mai, s office for a chat. "My cigar has gone out." "It seems to have the advantage of you," re- marked the busy man." How's that?" queried the chronic bore. "It- knows what it ought: to .do/ul"eplied thei busy man. An old lady from a remote country district who visited Edinburgh for the first time happened to arriye as a party of golfers were harrying.to catch a, suburban train for the links. "It's a braw toun," she informed her minister after her return, "but it hurt lpe sair to see sap. so mony decent-like;, men carrying bags o' broken umbrellas. There maun hae been sair douncomes, an' though I widna mention, it for the warl', to anither, there was twa or three that lookit as if they had been ministers "That's a nice-looking chap; at the next table," said theL. young man who was treating his best girl to a lunch in a Strand restau- rant. "Is he a friend of yours?" '*?Yes, in- deed," Taughed the pretty girl.. "Well, er:— I think I'll ask bin? to join us." "Oh, this is BO suddep." "What's so sudden? "Why— why, that's our young minister!" "No, sir," said the motorist, "the, airship is utterly impracticably. "Do you speak as a scientist?", "No, sir.. Asanin of. expe- rience. Suppose your engine breaks or vonr petrol gives out, and leaves you stuck away in a cloud bank, how are you going to get a team of horses to pull you out?" A certain art critic was invited to an mrtist's studio to express an opinion on the latter's most recent picture. _"Well, candidly, my dear fellow," said the critic, after a brief examination, 1 think your foreground is beastly." "Oh, indeed!" said the indignant artist, "and perhaps you think the cattle in the background are beastly, too?" Critic: "Certainly not; they're anything but that."
TWO MIGHTY SeORBHS. u AN.JI n scores on the Cricket Field, but GAMAGE Scores in Hoi born. THE CHEAPEST and BET HOUSE FOR ALL SPORTING REQUISITES I IS GAMAGE'S ofHOLBORN.' Write or call to-day for comprehensive Catalogue of 200 pages, sent post free anywhere on receipt of a post-card. GAMAGE, Ltd., cater liberally for all SPORTS and GAMES* j SAMAtf 4, BATS. Half-cane Handle, size 6 311; men's, 4/11. All cai,e 4/11; men's, 4/11, 7 6. Superior All cane, men's 9. 0,11 6. Gamage's Yorkshire Driver." wltrranted 14 6. fiamage's selected Referee," guaranteed 18 6, The" Gamage" patent double-spliced bat, specially selected biades 21/- CRICKET BALLS. Gamagp's Austra.1ia.u;Catgut sewn 5(' Dark's 3-seam Match 51. Samage's lieferee 3-«eam Match 4, 6. Composition Balls, vouti.'s, 8(3.; match cize, H's07. 10jd.; Eclipse, m»tch size, 1 9. Postage 3d CKICKET BAGS. The "All England," with two bandies 311. TVpestrr, witirtwo straps 5 11. Ex. qjialily, leather bottoms ..j 6 11. '• The Maryletone" 8/ 9 G. All Leather ^Handsome Bag) 2C, 6. CRICKET NETS. With Lines ton and bfttom, Poles, compli'te ti'3, 9' 10/- With Lines tou-and bottom, Poles, witu Two Side Wiii^s, complete 17/9,19,10,22/- STUMPS. Polished Ash.-boys- z8in. 2' ruen's. S S. t-'uper Bra ss ierruied, 28in. 2/6; men s, 3 Solid Brass Top$. 6 men's, 5 3. Super Quality.. ;> ;v.. 5/11, 6 9,7/8, Postage, men's M., Boys'6d. BATTING GLOVES. Strong Leather, Rubber. Boys', 3/9. Men's, M" Postage 3d. GAUNTLETS. u'h!moiJ"¡,t,hei,venti1au;d, men's, 2'9; boys', 1h. Super Quality ditto „ 3/6; 3/3. ^UGG GUARDS. Mole»kin Guard? boys', 3 3; xnc-n'3, 3 6. Buckskin „ 4/6; 4/lj, FLANNEL TROUSERS. .i.EI:CEa 77 T Special J obLineR, all sizes MIl. Super Quality, White or G-rey 7/11, 9111, IZ 6. S CRICKET SHOES. Brown Canvas, Sewn Leather Soles 311. Brown Calf Shoes 4/6. I Extra Quality, Fine Caifv., 6/11, 7/11, 9 11. White Buckskin Boots or Shoes 10/6. Best Quality 16/6. Postage 4d. below 10/- Send size when ordering by post. TENNIS RACKETS. Cedar Handle, full size, 3-11; Fish Tail 618. The Gamagp (hampion," 6/9; "Referee" 9(. Gamage's" Holborn 11/6.. The" Gamage (guaranteed) 18/& The "Demon" (Slazeager's) 11^8 Ayre's"Champion" 13/V TENNIS BALLS. "Gamage," the Best Ball in thi m*JWk\ Market, warranted, regulation and weight .per doz. 106. I'll' ^|| Ayre's Champion" „ 12A- vli** Slazenger's "Champion" „ 9/1 YMfe- The "Referee," Felt covered and Cemented 5, 7h ^8|{§j||jj|pP^ Gamage's Practice. 5A POLES AND NETS, complete, from 9/. The "REFEREE" (Regd.) TENNIS SHOE. With the New Steel Spikes Jor Wet and Slippery Weather. J:i. Tan, Calf, or Whit. Brown or White Canvas Shoes, with plain or corrugated Rubber Soles, from tIL w- CRICKET AND TENNIS SHIRTS. All Wool Flannel 3/11, 4/11,5/U. The Club Shirt, coarse oanvas 2,6. ( White, Pink, or Blue.) Orders over 10s. Carriage Paid unless otherwise stated. The Uuiversal L T. GMME, LTD. Athl&is': Gaftfittert, HOLBORN, LONDON, RA
COUNTY COURTS. The report of the committee appointed, by the Lord Chancellor to consider the relations be- tween the High Court and the county courts has just fefeen-issued. In the--result the com- mittee, with sundry modifications by several ol the members, build their recommendations on the following sweeping suggestion > "That the circuit system should be re- modelled so as to concentrate the civil works in centres, and that more time should be allowed and more convenient arrangements made for the disposal of business." One of the immediate results of the adoption of the scheme, which is elaborated at consider- able length, would be the appointment of more King's B-eiich judges. Another important proposal is that county courts should be given a limited jurisdiction in matrimonial cases, and, within defined limits, should have power to proceed on the same grounds as the High Court. The other proposals include the abolition of certain smaller courts, and the general reduc- tion of expenses.
f. STOLE FOR CHARITY. 0 At East Sussex Quarter Sessions at Lewes, Marie Louie Bowdage, a well-educated and well- dressed woman, was sentenced to six months' imprisonment in the second-division for stealing four £5. notes and a watch, the property of Colonel Woods, of Cuckfield, in whose employ she had been as housekeeper. A plea of kleptomania was made cn behalf of the accused, who, it was pointed out, had given away the proceeds of the thefts in charity.
TAX FOR BACHELORS. f' The Waterford Corporation has unani- mously passed a resolution suggesting to the Chancellor of the Exchequer "that all bache- I lors over thirty-five years of age' be taxed, as there are plenty of ladies available to join in wedlock with suitable bachelors, and as these gentlemen do not contribute what we con- sider a fair proportion of their income to tho present taxation."