Skip to main content
Hide Articles List

20 articles on this Page



[No title]


FATITEE: H Haft you succeeded in finding the owner of that knife you found, Johnny ? Johnny: tf No, air, but I think I know who lost it." a who do you think jI" M Tommy Green." Why dont you ask him if he did ? 'Cause I'm afraid hell say yea." PAPA (soberly): M That was quite a moartNrity you had in the parlour last evening." Wrace (nettled): "Indeed! that must depend on one's understanding of the term'monstrosity. M^ELLT two heads upon one pair of shoulders, for example." JUDGE Prisoner, have you any visible MEANS of support ?" Prisoner: Yis, sor, your honour." (To his wife) Bridget, stand up, so that the court kin see yez." Do you believe in fate, Pat P" Sure and phal would we stand on widout 'em." Tmm. are a good many people who prefer old things to new things, sometimes, perhaps, without as good reason for the preference as an old beggar once showed in the matter of shoes. This man called at the house of a lady and begged for a pair of shoes. 8bA gave him a nearly new pair of hot husband's which he had laid aside for some reason. A day or two afterwards the beggar returned. lIum, he said, cant you give me a pair of shoes--some old ragged ones ?" II But," said the lady, 141 have just given you an entirely new pair; you have them on now." Yealm" he said, but there's the trouble. They're so new, ye see, that they hurt my business! CONSTANCH wants us to tell her what a honeymoon iiL Well, Constance, when a man and woman have been made one, the honeymoon is the time spent in endeavouring to discover which is that one. PHTTKD DAUGHTER Papa, what has come over you ? I never had a wish you were not anxious to gratify, and you even anticipated my wants, and handed me money for all sorts of things I hadn't even thought of. But now I have to ask you for every cent I need, and you growl and grumble, and ask if I think you are made of money, and you rail at women's extravagance and Invariably ask me what on earth I did with the last check or dollar or dime you gave me. Don't you love me any more?" PapaMy darling, I love you as much as ever, but you are soon to be married, and I am trying to gradually prepare you for' the change." PHYSICIANS often believe in laughter as opposed to physic. The celebrated Dr. Hand is a can In point. Attending a college professor, who, in his opinion, was far more in need of recreation than drugs, he wrote a prescription for a mild tonic, and then said, Here is the prescription, but what you need Is a good hearty laugh." Upon glancing at the paper the professor commenced laughing immoderately. Eh ?" exclaimed Doctor Hand, considerably puzzled at the suddenness with which his advice had been acted upon, What are you laughing at ?" What am I laughing at ?" replied the professor; why, at youir Latin." A DOCTOR who would have his joke was once called on to visit a hypochondriac patient, who fancied she had swallowed a mouse. On his entering the room the lady exclaimed," Dear doctor, I am so glad to see you- -I am in such distress—such pain Oh, doctor I have swallowed a mouse "Swal- lowed-nonsom replied the doctor, in a mild and pleasant manner. Oh, no, doctor," said the patient, "it is not nonsense--it is a moose-a live mouse he ran down my throat when I was asleep, with my mouth open, and I feel him now, creeping about my stomach and trying to gnaw out. Ob, doctor! do prelCribe IOmething quick, or I shall die." Pre- scribe said the doctor; o- yes, I will prescribe something that will cure you in a minute." What is It, doctor ? what is it P I'll take anything you order." 11 Wel4 then, my dear madam, swallow a oat t if that don't cure you nothing will." The prescription w^gTBffeotuaL



----0 (GrRONANT.






[No title]







[No title]