The Brecon Reporter and South Wales General Advertiser

HINTS UPON GARDENING. FLOWER. GARDEN.-Asters sown immediately will grow freely from the first, and make as fine plants as the earliest sown, though a week or so later to bloom. But this is the latest period for them, to do anything like justice to these superb annuals. The most useful sorts are Truflauo s pssouy-flowered, the chrysanthemum flowered, and the quilled or German. Stocksown now will give less trouble than those sown early, and the annual kinds will flower well this season, and the biennials acquire strength to stand the winter. The most useful kinds are dwarf German and wallflower- leaved ten-week, English scarlet ten-week, English in- termediate, German emperor,^ and English Brompton. Auriculas require the most airy position possible now, with shade and shelter and covering, as wind, frost, rain, sunshine, and heat are all alike injurious to them. There is no simpler method to deal with them than to stand the pots on a hard pavement of stone, tile, or coal- ashes, and place over them, at some height from the plants, old lights resting on pots, or rough frames made on purpose. In case of frost, mats can be thrown over at all times there will be a free current of air through, 1 and the lights can be taken off when desirable, and be replaced instanter. Another plan in general use is to place the plants under hand-glasses, the latter being raised very high up. Pansies sown now will bloom well at the end of July, when many herbaceous and annual flowers are over. Choose a shady spot for them. Hardy herbaceous plants which may be raised from seed may be sown from this time to the middle of June, Usually there is at this season so much excitement about bedding plants that these things are forgotten. It is, however, the best season in the whole year to make up lists and order seeds, and, in fact, to begin with their cultivation. It may not be unfair to men- tion the seed-list of Mr. Thompson, of Ipswich, as full of interest for the lovers of herbaceous plants, -Messrs. E. G. Henderson and Son, of St. John's-wood, have pub- lished a list of a very select character Messrs. Back- house and Son, of York, are rich in such things, and supply catalogues when asked for them Messrs. Osborn and Son, of Fulharn, have a good collection and, lastly, certain generally useful subjects, such as arabis, lych- nis, dianthus, &c., maybe found in plenty inaS'seed and plant catalogues. Carnations and pieotees to have as much air as the state of the weather will allow, and not on any account to suffer through lack of water. As soon as possible place them in their blooming quarters, J fully exposed to all weathers. Annuals: Continue to sow for succession. Half-hardy kinds not yet sownto be got in at once. A top shelf in a lean-to is a good place to bring, on a few pots of seeds quickly, but take care they do not get baked there. KITCHEN GARDEN.—Beet must be sown now if not "J done already. Choose poor soil that has been deeply dug, and is in a thoroughly pulverised state, the object being to obtain roots of moderate size and regular shape. Onions may be. greatly benefited by a sprinkling of soot, which will both quicken the growth and drive away the vermin that usually destroy them. Onions for pickling to be sown this week on poor ground. The silver- skinned is generally used, but white globe is also suit- able. Sow thick, and if possible cover the seed with a I sprinkling of fine siftings of charred rubbish. Scarlet runners may be sown on dry sheltered borders, but it is I early yet for the main crop. Cauliflowers may now be planted out, and will take care of themselves. Let the ground be abundantly manured; plant firm give a drop of water to each, if needful. Spinach to be sown again, but not in great quantity, as the later-sown breadths will be liable to get seedy before they are all used. Let- tuces of all kinds to be sown on open borders, the cos and quick-growing large kinds of cabbage being most useful. Grass lawns in need of improvement may be aided by sowing grass seeds. All the bare spots that are mossy and sour should have the surface soil removed, and its place supplied with fresh sandy loam. Places that are thin of grass, but the soil pretty good, may be sown over without any change of soil. Sow thick, and cover the seed with a sprinkling of about half an inch of fine dry earth. It is best to have a sufficient quantity of fine lawn grass seed, and some Dutch clover in addition, and to sow them separately, as they do not mix well. To promote the growth of clover, surface dress with super- phosphate of lime during May and June, after mowing. The unsightly appearance caused by spreading this sub- stance is soon removed by the growth of the turf. A sprinkling of half an inch in depth will be sufficient at a time. Siftings of plaster and old mortar make an excellent dressing for lawns required to be in a good con- dition. Celery: Any late sowings now coming on in seed-pans must be pricked out as soon as they are as large as the head of a young radish-say having four or five leaves each. The way to prick them out is to pre- pare first a frame, next tread the ground hard where it -is to stand. On the hard surface lay turfs, grass side downwards, and on the turfs spread three inches of quite rotten dung and fine loam, equal parts, well mixed to- gether. On this bed plant them in rows carefully water, put on the light, keep shaded and rather close till they begin to grow; then take the light off. during the day as much as possible, taking care to put it on in case of cold rains, or snow, or frost, all, of which are possible even up to the middle of May. The plants from early sowings that were potted will have to, be dealt with according to the weather, and other circumstances. They will soon fill their pots with roots, and when they do so-better, in- deed, before they do so-shift them into 60-size, with one rather flat crock only in the pot, the soil half dung and half loam, and keep them in a frame, giving plenty of air and water, and exposing them fully to sunshine. By the time they fill these pots with roots, the season will be sufficiently advanced to allow of planting out; and this, like all other processes, must be done with care. The trenches should be made in the usual way, by throwing out the earth. A liberal allowance of fat manure should then be wheeled in, and the soil of the trench well chopped up with it, so that earth and manure are thoroughly blended together. It is astonish- ing the difference it makes to such plants as celery, cauliflower, and others that need abundance of manure, whether it is turned in anyhow, so as to lie in masses, or well chopped over, and mingled with the soil: in the latter case the growth is regular and good; in the other it is irregular—a plant here abominably coarse, and overtopping the next, which is as weak as if the ground had never been manured at all.-Gardeners' Magazine.

SPORTS AND PASTIMES. THE river Thames near London is daily getting into good order for trout fishing. A fine trout of 8 lb. was taken at Chertsey a short time ago by one of the mem- bers of the Thames Angling Preservation Society another member tried the Halliford waters a few days since, but only got one touch, which entirely cleared his bait. In the previous week he was more successful, having taken two trout of 2 lb., in splendid condition, at Moulsey, which he believes were of the Thames breed. This same gentleman, two seasons since, cap- tured nine large trout out of the preserved waters. J. Keen, of Chertsey, has taken a trout of 2k lb., and one of the same weight was taken by a gentleman at Sunbury. Tom Davis, of Moulsey, has been very for- tunate with his patrons, having caught four trout in one week, the largest being about 4k lb. The lovers of fish culture will be glad to learn that the young fry at Hampton are in a healthy, state, and a considerable number have been turned into the rearing ponds at Sunbury. THE single-handed University racquet match was played on the 18th of April at Prince's Club, Hans- place, Sloane-street, had a peculiar significance in its re- sult, as being the only real victory that has this year fallen to the light blue. The captious may say that Cambridge had the best of the athletic sports, but the dark blue won the most important contests, videlicit, the two miles and one mile., The boat race, though a near thing, was a good win both the billiard matches (double and single) were easy victories for the Oxonians, and the double-handed racquet match swelled the list of triumphs of the dark blue. Fortune's tide changed in the single-handed racquet match which produced prob- ably as tine a contest as the records of Prince's Club, the ne plns ltra of racquet playing, furnish. Mr. Parker, of Trinity College, Cambridge, and Mr. Reid, of Balliol College, Oxford, were the competitors, and the Oxford man again won the toss. The games were very fine throughout, and, as anticipated, there was in reality not much to choose between them. In the first game the Oxford got 5, then Cambridge 4, and the dark blue party-adding 3 and 3 while the other got one left the game 11 to 5. Parker's splendid clips then came out, and he made the game 11 all; but Reid, emulating the style, got the hand, made 2, an example which Parker followed, and 13 all was the game called. It was then set five, and made thus 1 2 3 Cambridge, 1 2 3 Oxford, 4 Cambridge, 4 Oxford, and Reid then got in, winning the game on a splendid service on the next stroke for Oxford. The second game was quite run away, Parker having it in his own hands 6—1, 7—2, 7—4, and finally 15-4, giving the game to the Call tabs. In the third game the light blue had at first the 'advantage, getting 7-6, but they could only secure one more, and the result was, Oxford 15 to 8. The next game also looked like winning for Oxford, as they stood 4—1, then 9-1, when the Cambridge got 3 more, but did not appear to be able to hold their own, and 10-4 was called. The fine play and condition of Mr. Parker then told, and he made the game 9-10. Mr. Reid then had the service, made 2 aces, when he was dispossessed by Mr. Parker, who ran off 4. The Oxonion got the court, and made the game 13 all, when it was again set" at 5 but the dark blue could only obtain one, and: the game therefore went to his an- tagonist. That made two games "everybody," and anybody for choice. The Oxford man put out the Cantab in the first round, and got two aces; but Cam- bridge got in, and ran up the game to 9, his opponent having in his single chances added a unit.. It then stood, Oxford 4, Cambridge 9; and Mr. Parker obtaining the ground, maintained it to the end, making 6 aces in succession by some very vigorous and much-applauded play—the Cambridge therefore winning the odd game. Messrs. A. W. T. Daniel and R. D. Walker officiated as umpires "Punch" marked and called the game with his usual accuracy and care Mr. Prince was attentive and courteous, the gathering exceedingly numerous and aristocratic—this ending the record of the inter-Uni- versity sports for 1867, with the exception of the tennis matches, which are very problematical. AT a recent meeting of the Royal Society at Burling- ton-house, Mr. Frank Buckland, one of her Majesty's Inspectors of Fisheries, exhibited three designs for salmon ladders or passes, his object being an attempt to show how, salmon may be assisted over weirs, mill-dams, andkother obstructions, with economy both of money and water. He also exhibited an extensive series of casts of useful fish, coloured to life, by Mr. Hyde Briscoe, of 8, Sloane-street, Knightsbridge. We under. stand that Mr. Buckland has modelled all these fish him- self, from the finest specimens brought to the London market, and lent to him by the leading London fish- mongers, chiefly, by Messrs. Gilson and Quelch, of 121, New Bond-street. Among these casts were an enormous cod, of the weight of 46 lb. a turbot, of 32 lb. a pair of lemon soles, one of the most rare of British fish a pair of soles from Torquay, weighing 7 lb., &c. Mr. Buckland's idea, as he himself expressed it, was to illustrate the utility of plaster of Paris as a medium of preserving records of scarce or valuable specimens for the service of naturalists, and certainly no stuffed specimens could vie with these faithful reproductions in plaster. The finest specimen was, no doubt, the water jack" of Africa, which Du Chaillu, in his work, "A Journey to Ashango Land," describes as the most poisonous of snakes there was also a puff adder and a boa constric- tor from the Zoological Gardens. Mr. Buckland also exhibited living hybrids, obtained by himself, just hatched from the egg, between a common trout and a salmon smolt of his own breeding also living hybrids between the char and trout, sent alive to him from Professor Rasch, of Christiana also living specimens of the gold schley, a new ornamental fish, which has already bred freely in the ponds at Aldermaston-park, Reading, the property of Mr. Higford Burr. The process of hatching salmon trout and hybrid fish may now be well seen at his Museum of Economic Fish Culture at the Horticultural-gardens, to which the casts of the fish I have also been transferred.

A MAN EXHUMING THE BODY OF HIS WIFE. A workman named Magnan, aged 23, living at Louvroil, France, had the misfortune, about three weeks ago, to lose his wife, to whom he was greatly attached, and a few days afterwards his grief was augmented by the death of his child. From that moment the hus- band appeared to have partially lost his reason, as he was continually talking of his deceased partner, and ex- pressing the belief that she had only left him for a short time and would soon return. Three nights back, after spending a short time in a wineshop, where some drink which he took had, still further unsettled his mind, he returned home, took a spade, and, proceeding to the cemetery, commenced removing the earth from the woman's grave; after some hours' labour he succeeded in bringing the coffin to the surface, and then forcing off the lid took out the corpse, and carrying it home in his arms placed in his bed, and then, after lighting a fire, ..went and informed three of his neighbours that his wife had returned home. These latter, although not attaching any importance to his words, accompanied him home, with the view of inducing him to. retire to rest, but were horrified to find the body as Magnan had stated. The unfortunate workman spoke to it as if still living, and endeavoured to obtain a reply by addressing it in the most endearing terms. Finding it, however, deaf to his entreaties, he allowed himself to be' persuaded to carry it back and replace it in the coffin, which he restored to the grave he also filled in the earth and went home to sleep. On the following day Magnan had no recollection of what ) took place on the previous evening, but said that he thought he had seen his wife during the night. The authorities have not given orders for his arrest, but have directed that he should be strictly watched as weak in mind.

fVILL8 AND BEQUESTS. The will of Miss Elizabeth Wickins, of the Cathedral- close, New Sarum, Wilts, was proved in London, April 4, by the executors, Charles H. Radcliffe, Elliot Morris, and Samuel Heathcote, Esqrs. The personalty was sworn under £ 45,000. The will is' of considerable length, and the legacies are numerous. There are many bequests in connection with the cathedral. It was her desire that the anthem, "Call to Remembrance," should be i.perforiiie(i by the choir on the Sunday after her funeral. Legacies are left to most of the oificials en- gaged in the services, including the organist, lay vicars, and choir, down to the organblower and bellringer. She directs the interest of X500 to be paid to eight vocalists assisting the vicar choral, which sum she leaves to encourage the study and practice of Protestant sacred music from selections of Green, Gibbons, Purcel, Jeremiah Clarke, and Croft." She leaves X100 to be applied in restoring any portion of 'the cathedral, also several volumes of books to be added to the Sarum Library. She bequeaths £100 to the society for assisting the poor clergy in Wilts, £ 100 to the Matrons' Ward College, and £100 to the Salisbury Infirmary. There are various legacies. to her relatives and friends. The residue of her property, real and personal, she leaves to Hugh Price, son of Hugh Price, clerk, and Charlotte his wife. The will of William Gilpin, Esq., of Palewell Lodge, East Sheen, Surrey, treasurer of Christ's Hospital, was proved in London, on the 1st inst., by Samuel Fisher, Esq., of Merchant Taylors' Hall, "in(I Samuel Timbrell Fisher, Esq., of Threadneedle-street, the executors and trustees. The personalty was sworn under £ 45,000. His will commences by leaving legacies to his late wife's family, in fulfilment of his promise to her. He be- queaths to his widow, to whom he was but recently married, a legacy of £3,000} together with other be- quests. He leaves to his daughter Jemima Weatherby, beyond all other legacies, the interest of £ 20,000, and at her decease the principal is to be divided amongst her children. To his sister, Marian Gilpin, he leaves an annuity of £100. There are legacies to his execu- tors and to many of his relatives and friends. To his nephew and godson, Norcliffe. Gilpin, he leaves his estate and residence at East Sheen, and appoints him residuary legatee. The following are the charitable bequests: To the building fund at Christ's Hospital, £ 500 to the Society for the Propagation of the Gospel, the Clergy Orphan School, the Convalescent Institution, the Mortlake Friendly Female Society, and Industrial School, each a legacy of X200 to' the Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge, XIOO to the Go- vernesses' Benevolent Institution, a reversion of X500 on the demise of a lady who takes a life interest in that I sum under his will. All legacies are to be. paid free of, duty. The will of Joshua Burton, Esq., of .Roundhay, Bar- wick-in-Elmet, Yorkshire, was proved in the district registry at Wakefield, and the personalty sworn under £ 100,000. The executors are John Burton, Esq., the testator's brother William Schoolcroft Burton, Esq., of Walton Hall, Bucks, the nephew; and William Wells, Esq., of Bradford, solicitor. He leaves to his wife all moneys she may have accumulated by her savings and from legacies bequeathed to her, amounting to the sum of X53,000 and upwards, and also bequeaths to her an annuity of £500. He leaves to his sister, Mrs. Hill, an annuity of £200. Legacies are left to relatives and others, and to servants. There are bequests, to the amount of zC3,700 to 15 institutions of a religious and charitable nature, many in Leeds and others in London. The interest of the residue of his property he leaves to his brother, John Burton, and the principal thereof, after his decease, to be divided into six parts, mostly to the issue of his said brother. Mrs. Mary Ann Smith, whose personal estate was sworn under £ 40,000, has' bequeathed £1,000 to each of the following institutions The.Ship wrecked Fisher- men and Mariners' Society, the National Lifeboat Insti- tution, Infant Orphan Asylum (Wanstead), Fever Hos- pital, Royal Free Hospital, Samaritan Free Hospital, and the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. The wills of the undermentioned have been recently proved :—The Dowager Lady Mary Haughten Fielden, under X8,000 personalty Win. T. Mackrell, X90,000 George Robinson, R60,000 the Rev. Thomas H. Mire- house, X45,000 Frederick Squire, X45,000 H. Crabb Robinson, barrister, X45,000 James Beardoe, £ 45,000. -Illustrated News.

0. A Bisiiop who was fond; of shooting, in one of his excursions met with a friend's gamekeeper, whom he sharply reproved for inattention to his religious duties, exhorting him strenuously to "go to church, and read his Bible." The keeper, in an angry mood, responded, Why, I do read my Bible, sir, but I don't find in it any mention of the apostles going a-shooting." "No, my good man, you are right," said the bishop; the shooting was very bad in Palestine, so they went fishing instead."

EXECUTION OF LONGHURST, THE I OHILD MUBDEBEB. James Longhurst, aged 21, a labouring man, was executed on Tuesday morning, at nine o'clock, at the usual place of execution for the county of Surrey, on the top of Horsemonger-lane Gaol. The culprit was convicted at the late Spring Assizes, before Mr. Baron Bramwell, of the murder of a girl seven years old, named Harriet Sax. The murder was committed by stabbing the unfortunate child in the throat, this act of violence being no doubt committed by the culprit in consequence of the child resisting the prisoner's attempt to commit another serious crime. He was apprehended almost upon the spot, and his victim was able to recognise him as her assailant, and died almost immediately afterwards. He was found guilty, but the jury recommended him to mercy on account of his youth, besides which the chaplain of the gaol had great doubts as to the man's sanity. After full examination, however, the condemned prisoner was found to be compos mentis, and the extreme sentence of the law was ordered to be carried out. Noth with standing, however, the fact of the prisoner thus appearing to be in a state of mind becoming his awful position, when he was taken down from the condemned cell to the yard to be pinioned, a frightful scene ensued. The moment the culprit saw Calcraft, the executioner, approach him with the straps to pinion his arms, he started back with an aspect of terror depicted on his countenance, and began to struggle violently with the turnkeys. The chaplain spoke to him and endeavoured to calm him, and this for a moment appeared to have the effect, but upon the executioner requesting that the cul- prit might be taken outside, as he could not see suffi- ciently well to fasten the straps properly, another fearful struggle ensued, the culprit being a young, powerful man, and it required the exertions of four or five of the warders to hold him, and it was necessary to throw him down and hold him on the ground while he was being pinioned, and during the struggle the prisoner kicked most violently, and one or two of the turnkeys were very much hurt by the kicks they received. During the whole of the struggle the wretched prisoner did not utter a word, and his conduct seemed to be actuated by an uncontrollable horror of the sight of the execu- tioner and the apparatus of death. After he had been secured he walked quietly by the side of the chaplain until he arrived at the steps leading to the scaffold, and immediately he caught side of the gibbet his horror ap peared to return. He again struggled violently as well as he was able, and was forcibly dragged up to the steps and held under the beam by several turnkeys- while the rope was adjusted round his neck, and as speedily as possible the bolt was drawn, and after a few violent struggles the wretched youth ceased to exist. After ten o'clock the body was cut down, and was buried in the course of the day within the gaol. A very large crowd assembled to witness the execution, but as s now customary when those dreadful exhibitions take place, the scaffold was hung with black cloth, so that after the drop fell, very little, if any, of the body of the culprit could be seen.

VIOLENT ASSAULT UPON A WOMAN BY A GIPSY. William Cooper, a gipsy, living in the encampment on Wandsworth-common,was charged at the Wandsworth Police-court, on Tuesday, with violently assaulting and wounding a woman. Mr. William Hewitt, of St. James" s-villa, Tooting, said: Last night I saw the prisoner knock a woman down and cut her eye severely. I went to the police-station, and gave information to the police. She would not charge the prisoner. The woman was sober. I did not see her do anything to provoke the prisoner. Prisoner Did you see me strike the woman at all ? Witness I did. Prisoner: What time was it Witness A quarter to eleven o'clock. Prisoner It was dark, how could he see me. I did not strike the woman at all. My wife and another party fell out and one got a cut somehow. Sergeant Haynes I went to the place and saw the woman lying on the footpath. Her face' was very much cut. She was afterwards taken into a tent, and her face was bathed with water. The prisoner's hand was covered with blood, and also the front of his smock- frock. The witness produced a boot belonging to the prisoner, 0 and said the toe had blood upon it. Mr. Ingham (to the first witness) Did you see him kick her ? Witness I did hot see any kick. Prisoner I did not hit her. I took my wife's part. Mr. Ingham Call your witnesses. Prisoner I have none. Mr. Ingham: Seven days' imprisonment, with hard labour. The prisoner was then locked up.

A NEW GUN. At a recent sitting of the Academy of Sciences in Paris, M. Seguier, produced a gun manufactured by a French gunsmith, M. Galand, settled at Liege. This new breech-loader is so constructed as to ignite the powder from the upper part of the cartridge, and to prevent the gas generated from escaping, so as to make it act upon the ball without any loss of power. For this a sort of conical copper thimble is fixed in the ex- tremity of the screw which closes the breech, and two turns only of which will open it. The copper of which this thimble is made is extremely thin, and the moment thfs explosion takes place will spread out like a disc by the pressure of the gas, and thereby prevent its escape. By unscrewing the breech the copper disc may be got out and a new thimble inserted, an operation which must be performed after every shot. The screw is partly hollow, and contains four pieces, constituting the whole mechanism—viz., the percussion-needle, a spiral spring, a pin performing the office of trigger, and a sort of hook which plays the part of the hammer at the moment of cocking the gun. By simply unscrewing a nut the whole may be taken to pieces. This gun does not cost more than 25fr. It has neither trigger nor guard, so that it is safe from all accidental explosion for the only way of firing it is to press upon the pin alluded to, which is inserted in the breech-screw and does not protrude from it. The cartridge consists of a small canvas bag, with a pasteboard disc at the bottom. At the central point of this disc there is a little fulmi- nate; Five grammes of powder are introduced into the bag, then some thick wadding impregnated with a fatty substance next comes the bullet, and the bag is then tied up tightly over the latter. Nothing remains of this cartridge in the barrel after firing. The diameter of the barrel is 11 centimetres, and the ball weighs 26 grammes. At a distance of 1,000 metres the bullet will pierce a deal board through and through.

HEALTH OF THE METBOPOLIS. The Registrar-General, in his weekly return, states In the week that ended on Saturday, April 13, the births registered in London and twelve other large towns of the United Klngdom were 4,383; the deaths registered, 2,996, The annual rate of mortality was 25 per 1,000 persons living. In London the births of 1,048 boys and 1,057 girls, in all 2,105 children, were registered in the week. In the corresponding weeks of 10 years, 1857-66, the average number, corrected for increase of population, is 2,157. The deaths registered in London during the week were 1,372. It was the 15th week of theyear; and the ave- rage number of deaths for the week is, with a correction for increase of population, 1,481. The deaths in the pre- sent return are less by 109 than the estimated number. The deaths of five persons who were killed by horses or carriages in the streets were registered. The annual rate of mortality last week was 23 per 1,000 in London, 30 in Edinburgh, and 35 in Dublin 18 in Bristol, 22 in Birmingham, 28 in Liverpool, 29 in Manchester, 29 in Salford, 22 in Sheffield, 23 in Leeds, 17 in Hull, 25 in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, and 34 in Glasgow. The rate in Vienna was 34 per 1,000 during the week ending the 6th inst., when the mean temperature was 4*9 deg. Fahrenheit lower than in the same week in London, where the rate was 25.

FACTS AND F ACETI. 6 THE SKELETON IN EVERY MARRIED MA'a HOUSE.-His wife's skirt. WHEN are wives not wives ?-When they are masters and wear the breeches. IF all the world were blind, what a melan- choly sight it would be said an Irish clergyman. IT looks very much like love-making when a young man gives a female friend an envelope with an adhesive lip. BARK AND BITE.-A distinguished physician recommends elm bark for the bite of a mad dog-just as if the bark could cure the bite. FAR-FETCHED CONUNDRUMS.— When does a schoolboy's copybook resemble the Iron Duke!—When it is a Well-ink't-'un. When your hair gets into disorder what heathen deity should you name ?—Comus (comb us). When Shakespeare's mother wished him to confess a fault what distinguished character did she hold up be. fore him?—William Tell. How many young ladies will it take to reach from London to Brighton ?—Fifty-two ] Because a miss is as good as a mile. Why are Protestant archbishops bad judges of cattle ? —Because they always thought the Pope's bull a great bore. Why is Buckingham Palace the cheapest ever erected? Because it was built for one sovereign and finished for another. Why are bankrupts more to be pitied than idiots ?- Because bankrupts are broken, while idiots are only cracked. Why are there only 325 legitimate days in the English calendar ?—Because 40 of them are Lent. Why is it complimentary to call a man the son of a gun ?"—Because it is well known that no gun is good for anything unless it descends in a straight line from a good stock. When is a blow from a lady welcome ?-ivhen she strikes you agreeably. AN advertiser in one of the papers says he has a cottage to let, containing eight rooms and an acre of ,,e land." A YOUNG lady, whose father is improving the family mansion, insists upon having a beait-win(loiv in for her benefit. "So you would not take me for twenty said a young lady to her partner, while dancing the Polka, what would you take me for, then ? For better, for worse! replied he. THE latest Irish bull we read of is the case of an Irish gentleman who, in order to raise the wind whereby to relieve himself from pecuniary embarrass- ments, got his life insured for a large amount, and then drowned himself. No UNCOMMON Ti-iiNG. -A beautiful but blind young lady recovered her sight after marriage. On hearing this a bachelor wickedly observed that it was no uncommon thing for people's eyes to be opened by matrimony. FACT, PAT !—" You look," said an Irishman to a pale, haggard smoker, "as if you had got out of your grave to light your cigar, and couldn't find your way back again." WHAT are you about with my microscope, George I've been shaving, father, and I want to see if there are any hairs in the lather as yet." COME here, my little man," said a gentleman to a youngster of five years, while sitting in a parlour where a large company was assembled. "Do you knovf me? Yith, thir."—" Who am I then? Let me hear."—" You ith the man that kithed mamma when papa was in Thuffolk." LORD BUCKINGHAM was once at a dinner where a Mr. Grub was requested to sing. He begged to. be excused, urging that he knew not what to sing. Sing I'd be a butterfly,' suggested the nobleman. FIRST-CLASS in geography, come up," said a country schoolmaster. Bill Toots, what is a cape ? A thing that mother wears over her shoulders ?" What's a plain "A tool used by carpenters for smoothing off boards." What's a desert ? It's gooseberries after dinner." That'll do, Bill," said the pedagogue, I'll give you gooseberries after school." A MAN who was once on a journey said he never liked to see the table covered with books and newspapers where he stopped at night. For," said he, I can never find any whisky at such places." "Now girls," said Mrs. Partington, the other day, to her nieces, you must get husbands as soon as possible, or they'll be murdered." Why so, aimt ? they asked. Why, I see by the papers that we've got almost 15,000 post-offices, and nearly all on 'em dis- patches a mail every day. Pity us, poor widows said the old lady, stepping quietly to her looking-glass to put on her new cap. A CONTEMPORARY says that the barmaids of the English restaurant at the Universal Exhibition have ex. cited a violent jealousy in the bosoms of the fair portion of the French visitors. The blondes filles des Albion attract from morning to night a host of merveilleux Creves. N.B. The Creve has supplanted the gandin in the new dictionary of the French slang. Well, a fine fleur des pais of the Creves thus complimented one of the English barmaids, whom they have surnamed chique, Betsy "Do you know, mademoiselle, that you speak French like an angel?" Betsy at once replied, I beg your pardon, monsieur, the angels speak English." THE following Ode to Mrs. Grundy" was published by our facetious contemporary Air. PvMch:— Mrs. Grundy, On a Sunday Joyful music I will hear, Gaze on painting, Soul untainting, Nor the sight of sculpture fear For diversion, An. excursion Made by steamboat or by rail, (.•„ Or, preferring Active stil-i-ill, ■, Take my walk, and glass of ale. y Mostly clad am I, so, Madam Your deqorum as may shock; Ina shooting 'V. • Jacket, suiting With the hat named billycock. As my raiment i Little payment Costs my dwelling, nowise fine, Simply furnished v Roof-tree burnished y; Glitters not in house of mine. Outward show, Ma'am, > I forego, Ma'am, '1 When it interferes with ease Often eat, Ma'am, In the street, Ma'am, As I walk, my bread and cheese. Grandeur sinking, Never thinking How your censure I provoke; Oft a cutty • • Pipe, with smutty — Bowl, along the road I smoke. c, My life's measure Is my pleasure, Only saving others'due That respecting, But directing, i Madam, no regard to you. Mrs. Grundy, Gloria mundi Par4ses like a dream away, ■ You may chatter, • • • That's no matter- Ma'am, I care not what you