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FACTS AND FAOETI-S3. .$ A cMld thus dafinoa gossip:—"It's when nobody don't do nothing, and somebody goes and tells of it." A good action is never forgotten—by an attorney. A bed, like love, put everybody on the same level. Ambition is like a wild horse, which prances un- ceasingly until it has thrown off its rider. A Sydenham correspondent of the Standard points out a good opening for" woman's work." Ha says that during twelve days he has walked 333 miles in search of a monthly nurse, and has seen a daily average of eight, and found them all engaged up to February. What is the difference between a piece of honey- comb and a black eye ?—One ia produced by a labour- ing bee, and the other by a belabouring. A gentleman at table remarked that he could not endure fish unless it was well cooked. "Thia," said the waiter, as he handed him a plate of the desired dish, "is, I hope, suf-fish-ciently cooked to suit, sir." Well, yea," replied the gentleman, aa he tasted it, it ia done a good eel better than I anticipated it would be." The editor of the New Orleans Times gives thanks twice in one week for baskets of delicious figs." One from a fair lady who in our sweet-toothed brother thua salutes:—"The figa were sweet, bnt we can easily imagine something sweeter! An old minister enforced the necessity of difference of opinion by argument:—"Now, if everybody had been of my opinion, they would all have wanted my old woman." One of the deacons, who sat just be- hind him, respondedYes, and if everybody was of my opinion, nobody would have her." Epitaph on a Gardener.— Beneath this sod an honest gardener's laid, Who long was thought the tulip of his trade; A life of many years to him was known, But now he's withered like a rose o'erblown. Like a transplanted flower be this his doom, Fading in this world, in the next to bloom. Mother's Work.- (By a crusty old bachelor, who lives in a family where they take no other boarders.") Toiling all day like a galley slave, Teaching the little brats how to behave, Hearing the older ones quarrel and fight, Slapping and cuffing with all their might; Washing and brushing and blowing their nosea, Such is the mother's work till the day closes. Sewing up rents in their best pants torn, Patching on new cloth over the worn; Never once pausing to count the stitches, Darning alike the boys and the breeches Thankful in heart when they're out of the way, Suoh is a mother's life day by day. Sending each night-gowned urohin to bed, Longing to hear the last word said: Wishing them happy in heaven above, With all the warmth of a mother's love Now, may the good an, Is be thankful alway, That they never work like mothers all day. One of the wickedest and most successful hoaxea perpetrated on the first of April this year, was the work of a lady in Philadelphia. She sent up to the pulpit in a Methodist church a notice purporting to announce a meeting in aid of another church. A number of names of prominent clergymen were men- tioned as to take part in the exercises. The preacher read the manuscript to his large congregation without hesitation until he came to a passage that a certain layman would sing a comic song, when he became con- fused, suddenly remembered the day, and abruptly sat down. An American paper says, "Every woman haa a right to be any age she pleases, for if aha were to state her real age no one would believe her. Every woman who makes pilddingi has a perfect right to believe that she can make a better pudding than any other woman in the world. Every man who carves has a decided right to think of himself by putting a few of the beat bits aside. Every woman has a right to think her child the" prettiest. little baby in the world," and it would be the greatest folly to deny her this right, for she would be sure to take it. Every young lady has a right to faint when she pleases, if her lover is by her side to catch her. Tha new goner at ion of American poets do not mean, it would appear, to ba confined in the old grooves. The following is from "Drift, and other Poems," by George Arnold, just published 151 Boston:- BEER. Here With my beer I sit, While golden moments flit. They pass Unheeded by; v* And, as they fly, I, l., Being dry, Sit idly sipping here My beer. We extract the following from a pamphlet which has. recently appeared concerning the casual poor:- As ia well known, the standard of comfort in casual wards is anything but high-food, where provided, being very poor, and the place of shelter ill-lighted, ill-ventilated, badly warmed, and often excessively crowded; but these wards present the advantage of a common centre and a large gathering, so that the vagabonds are there much more sociable than if they were dispersed and lost among the lodging-houses of a, town. We must give one or two specimens of the announcements chalked up on the walls and doors of the wards:—"Private notice: Saucy Harry and his pal will be at Chester to eat their Christmas dinner, when they hope Saneer and the fraternity will meet them at the union. — XfjhT November, 1865. —Notice to our pals: Bristol Jack and Barslein was here on the 15th of April, bound for Mont- gomeryshire for the summer season. Notice to Long Cockney, or Cambridge, or any of the frater- nity: Harry the Mark waa here from Carmarthen, and if anybody of the Yorkshire tramps wishes to find him he is to be found in South Wales for the next three months. 17th August, 1865.—Spanish Jim, the h fool who roboea the two poor b- tramps in Clatterbridge union, was here on the-find it out.- Taffy, the Sanctua, was here on the 28th of November, 1865.—Yankey Ben, with Hungerford Tom and Stock- port Ginger. The oakum was tried to be burned here on 28 th October, by Messrs. John Whittington, Joseph V* alker, Thos, Pickering, Jaa. Hawthornwaite.—The Flying Dutchman off to Brum for a summer cruise at back doors or any other door.—Cockney Harry and Lambeth bound for Brum for jolly raga.—Beware of the Cheshire tramps, Spanish Jem, Kildare Jem, Dublin Dick, Navvy Jack, Dick Graven, the shrewd Cheshire tramps.—Wild Scoty, the celebrated king of the cadgers, is in Newgate, in London, going to be hanged by the neck till he is dead; this is a great fact. Written by his mate. — Never be ashamed of cadging; I was worth five hun- dred pounds once, and now I am obliged to cadge for a penny or a piece of bread. Lanky Tom — George Day and William Jackson, 7th November, 1865, bound for Portmadoc. [From a report in a local newspaper in the following week, it appears that George Day' and William Jackson,' on arriving at their destination, were captured and sent to gaol for robbery.]" That there is some sort of cleverness among these professionals is manifest from the critical remarks they make on the state of accommodation; and one who signs himself" Bow-street" appears to show most culture. It strikes us that the cleverest effusion given as his, beginning, "No sun, no moon, no morn, no noon," is remarkably like Hood's "November," which may account fo-r its evident Buperiority; but others are plainly original and smart enough, such aa a description of the "little clean Union of Trysull," and the following, which we may quote:— "Before you close your eyes to sleep, boys, pray for fine weather, For human hearts nesd san as well as corn and oata; For this rain of late, and at present too, is too bad altogether, Considering the stata of our old shoes and the thin. ness of our coats. In this place there is a stove, but it is very seldom lighted, In fact to make you comfortable they don't intend to try, And the clerk of the weather office must surely be shortsighted, Or he would see thi benefit of sunny day3 aa well as you or T. (Bow- street, 16th August, 1865,)" '—

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